Men’s Mental Health: Slow-Burning Crisis of Gradual Deterioration

Before I wrote this article, I contemplated writing generic stuff. A thought crossed my mind, and I wondered if it would serve the intended purpose. Its June, men’s mental health month, it’s more about the mental health of the entire nation. Let’s face it, men’s mental health impacts the whole nation.   

The news, and newspapers headlines scream of rising crime, suicide, murder, family annihilation, tension, economic struggles, and mental breakdowns. Underneath the headlines, lies a slow-burning crisis: mental health deterioration of the Kenyan men. It isn’t just about the men in the streets, but the father of your children, the husband, the brother who's been mute lately. It’s more than an economic crisis. It’s a mental health crisis.

For decades, the Kenyan man has been conditioned to believe his worth lies in his ability to provide. That is: Feed the whole family, pay rent and bills, take the children to school, and be a strong man. The duties are more than this. What happens when he loses a job, the bills pile up, and he is unable to provide? Does he stop to be a man, or a human being all together?

Behind closed doors, many fathers and husbands are collapsing under the weight of unmet expectations. They don't speak up. Not because they can’t or don't want to, but because there are no words for what they feel, and even fewer spaces for them to share. The world screams to them: "Real men don’t cry." So, they bleed, die, and decay in silence.

The Mind of a Man in Crisis

Every day, you see him trying, showing up, and doing his best. He has mastered the art of performing. But deep inside, he’s splitting and bleeding.  The pressure of work, family, and financial survival becomes a full-time task. Depression often shows up as irritability, always ready to snap.  Anxiety hides behind overworking and his inability to focus. He becomes emotionally unavailable, reactive, disconnected, amotivated, and angry at everything and everyone.

The signs are there: sleeping too much or too little, intimacy disappears, loss of interest in previous pleasurable things, withdrawing from the kids, lashing out over small things, and not laughing anymore. The home grows cold, a battlefield, or a silent grave. This isn’t just stress, its mental health deterioration.

Suppressing these emotions isn’t strength, it’s a slow death. Research has shown that men who don’t express emotions are at higher risk of heart disease, addiction, and suicide.

Society Have Conditioned Him to Die Quietly

From the playground to the pulpit, men have been trained to disconnect from vulnerability. The phrases are familiar to our ears: "Man up." "Men don’t talk too much." "Crying is for women." Men have become actors, wearing masks of stability while bleeding inside. This is less about feelings, but survival of the men. We clearly are losing too many from the suicides.

Let’s start at home, mothers, wives, children, and brothers notice the silence.  Ask questions that allow opening up: "How are you feeling...?" Let’s create an environment, where breaking down isn’t a taboo, but sacred. On a societal level, let’s normalize therapy for men. We need more programs tailored to their unique needs. Group therapy and mentorship circles, where a man can say, "I'm not okay," and not feel judged.

To the fathers, husband, brothers and kings who are drowning.

You are not alone.

You are not weak.

You are not a failure.

There is no shame in saying, "I need help."

There is no dignity in “Kujikaza”

The world has snatched too much from you already; don’t let it take your mind too.

Let’s rewrite a new script. One genuine conversation, one safe space, and one act of courage at a time.

The true measure of a man is not in how much he provides, but in how he lives a full meaningful life.

~John Wanjiru

 Mental Health Professional  

wanjirukjohn@gmail.com