Managing emotional intelligence

Managing Emotional Intelligence

Session ObjectivesIntroduce you to Learning Tree InternationalIntroduce you to Emotional IntelligenceIdentify five emotional intelligencesLeverage emotional intelligence to augment your personal leadership styleApply emotional intelligence in a management role

About Learning Tree InternationalLearning Tree International was founded in 1974 More than 2.1 million technology professionals and managers from more than 65,000 organizations trained to dateIn-depth course curriculum—more than 225 titles and growingIncludes more than 90 management titlesCourses are developed and taught by technology and business professionals actively working in the field

About Learning Tree International(continued)PhiladelphiaOttawaParisEdinburghStockholmTorontoLondonBostonNew YorkChicagoWashington, D.C.TokyoAtlantaLos AngelesDallasPublic and on-site courses are available at Learning Tree and client locations worldwideCh00US/C.3/101/C.2

Course DeliveryAll courses are presented using MagnaLearn®, our proprietary, patented* instructional enhancement technologyWe also provide courses via our Learning Tree AnyWare™ platformOur (patent pending) training delivery solution that connects online participants to a live, instructor-led classroomWith AnyWare, you can do everything the in-class participants doParticipate in classroom discussionsPerform hands-on exercises on the same equipment as in-class participantsParticipate in breakout sessionsGet individual help and advice from the instructor—immediately as needed—just as in the classroom*Covered by one or more of the following patents: United States 7,058,891, 7,131,068, 7,134,079, and 7,454,708; South Africa 2005/09799; India 222822; and Australia 2002310120 and 2005266901. Other patents pending in EU, Israel, India, and Australia.

About Your InstructorBackground and educationCurrent positionExperience

Emotional Intelligence in ActionEmotional Intelligence at WorkDeveloping Emotional Intelligence

Your Role in Building Great PerformanceIn management, it’s imperative toBe clear about what’s expected of you as a managerBuild purpose for your teamBe clear about the specific things that managers doHow you do these things will have a direct impact onWhether or not you can evoke great performance in the people you are managingEmotional Intelligence is the essential skillset that helps ordinary managers do extraordinary things

Causing Great Performance: Leadership and Emotional IntelligenceEffective leaders leverage their EI skills to do some basic things rightDelegatingNegotiatingFacilitating Team buildingManaging performanceCoaching & mentoringRedirecting poor behaviour

The Connection Between EI and Bottom-Line ResultsEI-skilled managers are more in touch with feelings, emotions, and thought processes Their ownIn control of their emotional responsesAble to adapt how they react in interpersonal situationsOther people’sEmpathetic to othersBetter able to read and interpret body languageCognizant of personality types

Additional BenefitsBetter able to bring out the best in individuals and deal with people problemsThis leads to:Higher productivity Better communicationShared success across the entire organizationLower staff turnoverHigher morale Greater cost savingsHigher profitsLess need for controls

Emotional IntelligenceThe term emotional intelligence was popularized by Daniel Goleman* to describe the cluster of skills that effective leaders use to manage themselves and the people they work withHe found that managers with good EI skills produced better bottom-line resultsThese skills are the foundation on which your management success will be builtGoleman has identified five components of emotional intelligenceThree concerned with self-management, two with working with others*Goleman’s books are Emotional Intelligence (Bantam, 1995) and Working with Emotional Intelligence (Bantam, 1998). For information on applying EI, and papers on the background of EI development, see www.eiconsortium.org.

The Five Components of Emotional Intelligence:The Three Self-Management SkillsSelf-awareness: The ability to recognize and understand one’s moods, emotions, and drives, and their effect on othersCharacterized by self-confidence, realistic self-assessment, clarity about personal goals, candidness about personal feelingsSelf-regulation: The ability to control or redirect disruptive moods and impulses and to suspend judgment; to think before actingAll managers work in situations involving strong emotions (their own and others’)Dealing with mistakesHandling tensions and conflicts with and between othersThe temptation to make a hasty responseThe ability to mentally step back andrespond thoughtfully under pressureis likely to build a climate of confidenceand respect in the teamAre you aware of your emotions?

The Five Components of Emotional Intelligence:The Three Self-Management Skills (continued)Self Motivation: A desire and drive to achieve, seek out challenges, and learn from both success and failureCharacterized by commitment and persistence

The Five Components of Emotional Intelligence: Two Skills for Working With OthersEmpathy: The ability to understand the emotional situations of others and treat them according to their reactions to a situationA crucial skill for managers, since so much of a manager’s work is about working with others in situations of tension and pressureEmpathy skills enable managers to relate to the feelings and situations of othersIn mentoring and coachingIn working and building managerial relationships with talented people In listening to the emotions expressed in difficult situations and responding in a way that acknowledges and deals with those emotions in a productive way

The Five Components of Emotional Intelligence: Two Skills for Working With Others (continued)Social skill: The skill of applying the four preceding skills to build and maintain relationships with a wide range of peopleSkilled in persuasion, using different approaches according to the situationGood at building networksComfortable with and interested in a wide range of people, whether or not they are directly involved with the manager’s work

The Value of Personal Emotional HonestyTo be emotionally honest, we must first be emotionally aware Expressing your true feelings also takesSelf-confidenceCourageBeing honest with ourselves helps usBe more self-acceptingDecide how to spend our time, and whom to spend it withBeing honest with othersEncourages honesty in themReduces the tendency of others to pressure usHelps us find out who respects our feelings

Self-Awareness and Personal HonestyPatterns of disclosure and honestyUnintended repressionComplete disclosureIntentional manipulationEmotional fraudSelf-awareness and self-disclosureWhen being emotionally honest is in our interestsWhen it is not healthy or safe to be emotionally honestTherefore achieving discretionary disclosureDishonestyTakes more effort!Creates tension, distrust, and stress

Recognizing and Affirming Your EmotionsIn our daily life, we don’t pay much attention to what’s happening nowLooking without seeingEating without tastingHearing without listeningTalking without focusing on what we are really sayingWe spend much of our time focusing on What has happenedOr what will or might happenFor emotional competency, it’s important to remember that there are many things going on for you right now“Emotions are only temporary… they always pass on like clouds in the sky.”—The 14th Dalai Lama

MindfulnessThis is an active processIt means paying attention to what is real for you right here and nowWithout thinking that it’s good or bad, important or not, right or wrongThe simple goal is to become more aware of both internal and external environmentsYou can choose to become “mindful” with any experienceChoosing to become mindful of your emotional experiences“The awareness that emerges through paying attention on purpose, in the present moment, and non-judgmentally to the unfolding of experience moment by moment.”— Jon Kabat-Zinn, Professor of Medicine Emeritus, University of Massachusetts Medical SchoolKabat-Zinn, Jon. “Mindfulness-based Interventions in Context: Past, Present, and Future.” Clinical Psychology, Vol. 10 (May, 2003), pp. 144–156.

Mindfulness and EmotionsJobAidIt is important to disengage from the “story” of the emotionWhat or who caused it, whether we like it, whether it’s justifiedAll this focuses on the past or the futureWe spend too little time paying attention to what is happening now!Paying attention to the “story” of the emotion tends to fuel the emotion, and we become consumed by it. We need to learn to pay attention to the emotion and the experience, not the story.

Mindfulness and Emotions(continued)JobAidFour steps to mindfulnessRecognizeNameAcceptExploreOur goal is to experience the emotionNot to repress or deny itNor to express or act it out

Dealing with Conflict: Fight or FlightMany people have difficulty with workplace conflict The typical response is “fight or flight”We learn to respond to conflict long before we realize it is presentExamples of how this causes “flight” behavior includeAvoiding difficult situations and meetingsNot speaking up when we disagree with what is being saidExamples of how this causes “fight” behavior includeReacting defensively to an innocent request for more informationDeliberately providing the wrong information

Discretionary Disclosure and Boundary ManagementKnowing your emotions vs. revealing your emotionsThere are times when it is not healthy or safe to be emotionally honestIt is important to make conscious choices about when to disclose how you feel and be emotionally honestConsider both what is in your interest and what is in the interest of othersWeigh the advantages of disclosure against any disadvantage

AuthenticityAs the ancient Greeks said, “Be true to oneself”Owning your own thoughts, emotions, needs, preferences, beliefs, and valuesBehaving according to themInauthentic leadership is not being true to yourselfThis involves leadership byManipulationCoercionDeception“This above all: to thine own self be true, and it must follow, as the day the night, thou canst not then be false to any man.” —William Shakespeare, Hamlet

Authenticity and CongruenceAuthentic leader behaviorsUnderstand yourself, not just the organizationPractice your own values; don’t borrow from others Lead with your heart, not just your headFrom an EI viewpoint, being open and authentic requires us to

Be aware of our emotions and feelings

Decide whether and how to disclose them

Let people know how we feelCongruence is judged by the match betweenWhat we sayOur nonverbal behaviorThe decisions and actions we take

Benefits of AuthenticityCredibilityBeing real and genuine creates buy-inPeople feel meaningfully connected to the leaderThey will offer support under difficult circumstancesIt encourages others to be emotionally honestAnd promotes an emotionally intelligent organization

Basics of Self-ManagementHaving the ability to determine how we feel, think, and actIn contrast to being a slave to our impulses Routine patterns we have learnedImpulsive or automatic reactionsRemember: management, not controlControl implies willpowerManagement involves becoming aware of what is affecting us and then deciding how to respondBecoming more strategic in how we respondAllowing long-term benefits to overcome short-term gratificationGaining mastery over how we respondAll the while remaining true to our values in the longer term

Self-Management and the Emotional Response TriadWhy care?To be truly effective, we have to manage how we respondApply the emotional triad:We experience an eventWe interpret the situationThen we reactYou can unlearn what you have learnedBehavioral self-control trainingCognitive self-regulationSelf-management techniquesReactionResponseFeelingPhysiologyEventAction tendencyEmotionalResponseExpression

The Emotional TriadReaction(based on past experience)Response (choosing how to respond)FeelingPhysiologyAction tendencyEmotionalresponseEventExpression

The Marshmallow ExperimentA well-known experiment conducted at Stanford University in the 1960sA group of four-year-olds was given a marshmallow and told they could have another only if they could wait 20 minutes before eating the first oneSome waited; others did notFollowing their progress into adolescenceThose who could wait were better adjusted and more dependableThey scored on average 210 points higher on the Scholastic Aptitude Test (SAT)Deferred gratification is an example of an emotional competenceSource: Shoda, Yuichi, Walter Mischel, and Philip K. Peake. “Predicting Adolescent Cognitive and Self-Regulatory Competencies From Preschool Delay of Gratification: Identifying Diagnostic Conditions.” Developmental Psychology, Vol. 26 (November, 1990), pp. 978–986.

Five Steps for Self-Management PreparationJobAidRecognize the emotion you are experiencingAcknowledge any impulsive reactions you want to makeAnticipate the possible negative consequences of the actionTrade any immediate pleasure for long-term strategic advantageDecide whether and how to respond

Additional Self-Management TechniquesReframingSelf-monitoringAffirmationsWorking with your emotionsApply IDEDATaking care of yourself

1. The Reframing Process: ABCDEFActivating event“Sue doesn’t like me”Belief (irrational)“Sue must like me”Consequence“I am angry and feel foolish”Dispute“Why must she like me? What evidence is there?”Effective belief“I’d prefer Sue to like me, but I’ll survive if she doesn’t”“I think it’s wrong of Sue not to like me”“That’s just the way of the world, and nothing dreadful is going to happen”Feeling (new)“I’m disappointed that Sue doesn’t like me”

2. Self-Monitoring: ABCJobAidGood for impulsive reactionsFor example, used extensively in smoking cessation and weight controlKeep a diary of your emotional-change episodesUse the following columns:Activity: What happened that led to my change in emotions?Beliefs: What beliefs led to the change in my emotions?Consequences: How big was the emotional change on a scale of 1–10?

2. Self-Monitoring: ABC(continued)JobAidUse the diary data to challenge your beliefs and interpretationsPessimism and perfectionismChallenge your beliefsLook for evidence of alternative ways to make sense of the situationWorryingChallenge your beliefs about what is threateningLook for less threatening interpretations of the situationExperience the worry and let is subsidePrepare wellPractice relaxationAngerIdentify what is triggering the angerStand backFocus on other aspects of the situationIf necessary—assert yourself

3. AffirmationsJobAidTurning negative self-talk into something more usefulCounters a lifetime of putting ourselves down, so no quick wins!Take the output from your reframing processCreate reframed statements about you in relation to the situationUse a positive phrasing, make it personal, and start with “I”Say, “I am confident making this suggestion to the meeting”Don’t say, “I am not as scared as I used to be when making this suggestion” Keep it in present tense—use “I am”Avoid “should,” “must,” “could,” “can”Make sure it is possible and believable to youWrite it downRepeat it to yourself every day while imagining the outcome

4. Working With Your EmotionsJobAidFind ways to work through the emotionExperience the emotion rather than shying away or avoiding itFocus on the emotion, not the storyNotice the feeling—use the mindfulness techniqueSilently describe the feeling to yourselfAllow it to blow itself out naturallyOnly then do you consider options and actionsTalk through with a non-involved partyAllow yourself time outWrite the letter/e-mail, but do not send it!

5. IDEDA: A Rational Process ModelJobAidIdentify the emotionTake time to experience itThink about the wheel of emotion and emotional vocabularyDetermine the real causeTake time to assess and reassess the situationCheck your interpretationEvaluate options for actionDoing nothing may be a suitable actionDecideConsciously commit to an actionAct: take actionRemember that changing the way we think is an action

6. Taking Care of YourselfJobAidTake care of yourself in order to care for others in your leadership roleCentering yourself in your environmentPause for a momentLook around and notice five things you can seeListen and notice five things you can hearNotice five things you can feel in contact with your bodyReduce your levels of stress and anxietyMany different methods existFind one that suits youBreathing and relaxation techniques

If All Else Fails…JobAidRubber band snap!Put a rubber band around your wristSnap it every time you notice negative self-talkOver time, the negative stimulus (pain) is paired with that thinking

Can Emotional Intelligence Be Learned?Learning the skills of emotional intelligence is not simply a matter of reading a bookEmotion is not an intellectual mental processUses different parts of the brain than intellectProficient use of emotional intelligence is not as simple as learning a new applied skill set like riding a bike, or using Oracle It is best learned through practiceIdentify areas where your emotional intelligence can be enhancedThrough your own or others’ observations of your behaviorRequest feedback and coaching from others about your behavior and how it could be more effectivePut the new behavior into practice and get more feedbackHands-on coaching is the most effective way to learn or teach EI

Managing emotional intelligence

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