03 22 09 Understanding How Differences Impact Communication Part I Keys To Effective Communication Communication Keys For Couples

West Ridge Church Marriage Ministry “ Can You Hear Me Now?” Communication Keys for Couples

II. Understanding Impact of Differences

II. Understanding Impact of Differences ========== D A T I N G =========== Opposites  Attract ========= M A R R I A G E ========== Opposites  Irritate!

II. Understanding Impact of Differences 1 Pet 3:7 Husbands, in the same way be considerate as you live with your wives, and treat them with respect as the weaker partner and as heirs with you of the gracious gift of life, so that nothing will hinder your prayers. (NIV) You husbands in the same way, live with your wives in an understanding way …(NASB)

II. Understanding Impact of Differences After laying a foundation of character in our lives, the next essential key of effective communication is to develop mutual understanding.

II. Understanding Impact of Differences 1. Physiological Gen 1:27 So God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him; male and female he created them.

II. Understanding Impact of Differences 1. Physiological Anatomical Differences Brain Chemistry Differences in Senses

II. Understanding Impact of Differences 1. Physiological Anatomical Differences Brain Chemistry Differences in Senses Brain Processes

II. Understanding Impact of Differences 1. Physiological 2. Natural Abilities

II. Understanding Impact of Differences 2. Natural Abilities Exodus 31:3-6 I have filled him [Bezalel] with ……skill, ability and knowledge in all kinds of crafts – to make artistic designs for work in gold, silver and bronze, to cut and set stones, to work in wood, and to engage in all kinds of craftsmanship…...I have appointed Oholiab… to help him. Also I have given skill to all the craftsmen to make everything I have commanded you .

II. Understanding Impact of Differences 2. Natural Abilities Arts, Music, Drama paint, draw, sing, act, play Sports baseball, football, hunting, etc Verbal skills word puzzles, reading, stories Mechanical ability build things, mechanical Concepts/Ideas teacher, thinker, writer

II. Understanding Impact of Differences 1. Physiological 2. Natural Abilities 3. Family Background

II. Understanding Impact of Differences 3. Family Background 1John 4:5 They are from the world and therefore speak from the viewpoint of the world….

II. Understanding Impact of Differences 3. Family Background Whatever “world” (family) we are from has a HUGE impact on how we interpret life and react to it. In fact, it defines our concept of “normal .”

II. Understanding Impact of Differences 3. Family Background Food Healthy vs. “Southern”

II. Understanding Impact of Differences 3. Family Background Religion Spiritual vs. Not so much…

II. Understanding Impact of Differences 3. Family Background Finances Spenders vs. Savers

II. Understanding Impact of Differences 3. Family Background Pets Many vs. None

II. Understanding Impact of Differences 3. Family Background Politics Republic vs. Democrat

II. Understanding Impact of Differences 3. Family Background Expressive Huggers vs. Reserved

II. Understanding Impact of Differences 3. Family Background Child-Rear Spankers vs. Non-spankers

II. Understanding Impact of Differences 3. Family Background Holidays Santa Claus vs. None

II. Understanding Impact of Differences 3. Family Background Chores “His” vs. “Hers”

II. Understanding Impact of Differences 3. Family Background How we were raised becomes our “ normal .” When we discover our spouse does things differently……Well, they’re just wrong ! We all need to learn that in most situations, “ they’re not wrong, just different .”

II. Understanding Impact of Differences 1. Physiological 2. Natural Abilities 3. Family Background 4. Primary Role and Emotional Need

II. Understanding Impact of Differences 4. Primary Role and Emotional Need Gen 2:18 The LORD God said, "It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him." Eph 5:22-23 Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church…

II. Understanding Impact of Differences 4. Primary Role and Emotional Need Eph 5:22 - 28 Husbands love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her…. In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. Eph 5:33 However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband .

II. Understanding Impact of Differences 4. Primary Role and Emotional Need Primary Spouse Primary Role Need Husband Loving Servant-Leader Respect Wife Respectful Helper-Comp Love

II. Understanding Impact of Differences 1. Physiological 2. Natural Abilities 3. Family Background 4. Primary Role and Emotional Need 5. Love Languages

II. Understanding Impact of Differences 5. Love Languages (1) Words of Affirmation (2) Quality Time (3) Receiving Gifts (4) Acts of Service (5) Physical Touch

II. Understanding Impact of Differences 5. Love Languages While all “languages” should be expressed, we generally have one or two that we hear best. Our tendency is to express love the way that we hear love.

II. Understanding Impact of Differences 5. Love Languages To be fully received, our expressions of love need to be communicated in a way that our spouse can understand. We need to discover our spouse’s language and learn to speak that to them regularly.

II. Understanding Impact of Differences 1. Physiological 2. Natural Abilities 3. Family Background 4. Primary Role and Emotional Need 5. Love Languages 6. Spiritual Gifts

II. Understanding Impact of Differences 6. Spiritual Gifts 1 Corinthians 12:7, 11, 18-20 Now to each one the manifestation of the Spirit is given for the common good. All these are the work of one and the same Spirit, and he gives them [gifts] to each one, just as he determines . ...in fact God has arranged the parts in the body, every one of them, just as he wanted them to be . If they were all one part, where would the body be? As it is, there are many parts , but one body.

II. Understanding Impact of Differences 6. Spiritual Gifts Spiritual gifts are given TO each believer BY the Spirit FOR the common good . The Holy Spirit determines which gift(s) we receive. God gives us different gifts because the Church and the world need them all !

II. Understanding Impact of Differences 6. Spiritual Gifts Service Gifts Sign Gifts Prophesying Wisdom Serving Prophecy Teaching Knowledge Encouraging/Exhorting Discernment Giving Faith Leading Speaking in Tongues Showing Mercy Interpreting Tongues Miracles Healing

II. Understanding Impact of Differences 6. Spiritual Gifts The spiritual gifts we possess influence how we perceive and respond to our world – and our spouse!

II. Understanding Impact of Differences 1. Physiological 2. Natural Abilities 3. Family Background 4. Primary Role and Emotional Need 5. Love Languages 6. Spiritual Gifts 7. Personality Type

II. Understanding Impact of Differences 7. Personality Type By understanding our own personality type – and that of our spouse – we gain a huge advantage to improving our communication. We will have a better insight as to what motivates our spouse, how they are likely to interpret a particular issue , and how they might respond to a specific situation. Gaining an understanding of these differences enables us to decrease the conflict in our life!

II. Understanding Impact of Differences 7. Personality Type We are born with our basic personality and will exhibit many of these strengths and weaknesses over our entire lifetime. BUT we must not fall prey to the belief that our natural-born tendencies can keep us from maturing over time .

II. Understanding Impact of Differences 7. Personality Type LaHaye DISC Smalley/Trent Choleric D Lion Sanguine I Otter Phlegmatic S Golden Retriever Melancholy C Beaver

II. Understanding Impact of Differences 7. Personality Type Mature Immature Description Strengths Weaknesses Lion Determined Demanding “ High D” Decisive Dictatorial Choleric Direct Blunt Assertive Argumentative Aggressive Overbearing Goal-Oriented Impatient

II. Understanding Impact of Differences 7. Personality Type Mature Immature Description Strengths Weaknesses Otter Charismatic Impulsive “ High I” Confident Overconfident Sanguine Gregarious Superficial Stimulating Self-Centered Talkative Poor Listener Enthusiastic Emotional

II. Understanding Impact of Differences 7. Personality Type Mature Immature Description Strengths Weaknesses Golden Easy-Going Non-Confront Retriever Accommodating Indecisive “ High S” Patient Indifferent Phlegmatic Calm Apathetic Loyal Passive Dependable Plodding

II. Understanding Impact of Differences 7. Personality Type Mature Immature Description Strengths Weaknesses Beaver Orderly Obsessive “ High C” Thorough Nit-Picky Melancholy Systematic Legalistic Quality Perfectionist Cautious Indecisive Analytical Critical

II. Understanding Impact of Differences 7. Personality Type God gives us our core personality to help us accomplish His purposes for our life . By God’s Spirit, we can grow beyond our natural weaknesses and do things that are not natural for us .

II. Understanding Impact of Differences 7. Personality Type Philippians 2:13 … for it is God who works in you to will and to act according to his good purpose. Philippians 4:13 I can do everything through him who gives me strength. 2 Timothy 1:7 For God did not give us a spirit of timidity, but a spirit of power, of love and of self-discipline.

II. Understanding Impact of Differences 7. Personality Type “ You can use your background as an excuse for present behavior only until you receive Jesus Christ as your personal Lord and Savior. After that you have a new power within you that is able to change your conduct.” Dr. Henry Brandt

Five Major Keys of Effective Communication 1. Maturing Character 2. Mutual Understanding Do you know who I am?

03 22 09 Understanding How Differences Impact Communication Part I Keys To Effective Communication Communication Keys For Couples

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03 22 09 Understanding How Differences Impact Communication Part I Keys To Effective Communication Communication Keys For Couples