03 29 09 Improving Communication By Dealing With Our Differences Part I Keys To Effective Communication Communication Keys For Couples
- 1. West Ridge Church Marriage Ministry “ Can You Hear Me Now?” Communication Keys for Couples
- 2. III. Dealing With Our Differences
- 3. III. Dealing With Our Differences Introduction: “Irreconcilable Differences?” The best marriages are generally those that have full alignment in values but differ in core personality temperament . It is not enough to recognize our differences – we must also respond appropriately.
- 4. III. Dealing With Our Differences Our Natural Response to Differences
- 5. III. Dealing With Our Differences Our Natural Response to Differences 1. Believe that we are right and they are wrong . 2. At first, we are patient and hope they will change on their own.
- 6. III. Dealing With Our Differences Our Natural Response to Differences 3. But when they don’t, we attempt to change them through a variety of techniques. -- Joke about it -- Teach or coach -- Shame them -- Nag repeatedly -- Yell about it -- Cry about it -- Shut down/silence
- 7. III. Dealing With Our Differences 4. Most of these techniques have the unintended result of pushing our spouse away. 5. And over time, this leads to isolation – the very opposite of intimacy. 6. If this pattern is not changed, this behavior ends up in: -- Divorce -- “M & M” Marriage Married and Miserable
- 8. III. Dealing With Our Differences The Desired Response
- 9. III. Dealing With Our Differences The Desired Response 1. Recognize that God has not called us to change our spouse -- that’s His job! Because “opposites attract,” we tend to be strong in areas our spouse is weak . Don’t try to change your spouse. Instead, allow God to use them to change me .
- 10. III. Dealing With Our Differences The Desired Response 2. Accept our spouse as God’s gift to us for helping us grow. Then the LORD God made a woman from the rib he had taken out of the man, and he brought her to the man . The man and his wife were both naked, and they felt no shame. Genesis 2:22,25
- 11. III. Dealing With Our Differences The Desired Response 2. Accept our spouse as God’s gift to us for helping us grow. Our spouse is our God-given accountability partner! We should be asking: What is God trying to teach me?
- 12. III. Dealing With Our Differences The Desired Response 3. Learn to embrace these differences . Romans 15:7 Accept one another, then, just as Christ accepted you , in order to bring praise to God.
- 13. III. Dealing With Our Differences The Desired Response 3. Learn to embrace these differences . 4. Understand the stages of this process.
- 14. III. Dealing With Our Differences We are different and…. DATING Gee, hadn’t really noticed. Ignore MARRIAGE Yikes!!! Recognize I get it….intellectually. Understand I can live with that…if I must. Tolerate THE WALL
- 15. III. Dealing With Our Differences We are different and…. DATING Gee, hadn’t really noticed. Ignore MARRIAGE Yikes!!! Recognize I get it….intellectually. Understand I can live with that…if I must. Tolerate THE WALL MUST PUSH PAST !!!
- 16. III. Dealing With Our Differences We are different and…. THE WALL I’m okay with that…..really. Accept I’m glad for you. Appreciate I see how that benefits us! Embrace
- 17. III. Dealing With Our Differences 5. Embracing our differences creates a safe environment in which we can talk. 6. The result is that our spouse feels unconditional acceptance . We reach higher levels of intimacy only as we feel unconditionally accepted.
- 18. Five Major Keys of Effective Communication 1. Maturing Character 2. Mutual Understanding 3. Unconditional Acceptance Will you accept me as I am?