Using Constructive Listening Skills to Manage Difficult Conversations
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Dr. William A. Howe will be presenting at the National Conference on "Skills to Manage Difficult Conversations" in Hartford, Connecticut from April 16-18, 2015. His presentation will focus on constructivist listening techniques. Research shows that college students today are 40% less empathetic than in 1979, with the steepest drop in the last 10 years. Simple, honest conversations where all parties feel heard can help create positive change when discussing experiences, hopes, and fears.
Using Constructive Listening Skills to Manage Difficult Conversations
- 1. Skills to Manage Difficult Conversations April 16–18 2015 National Conference Hartford, Connecticut Constructivist Listening
- 2. The Presenter 2 Dr. William A. Howe CT State Department of Education 165 Capitol Avenue, Room 222 Hartford, CT 06106 Phone: (860) 713-6752 email: william.howe@ct.gov http://billhowe.org/MCE/
- 3. Empathy Deficit 3 Researchers at the University of Michigan Institute for Social Research reported that college students now are 40 percent less empathetic than they were in 1979, with the steepest drop coming in the last 10 years. Students today are generally less likely to describe themselves as "soft-hearted" or have "tender concerned feelings for others" and more likely to admit that "other people's misfortunes" usually don't bother them. (Boston Globe, Oct 17, 2010)
- 5. I Believe We Can Change the World if We Start Listening to One Another Again. 5 Simple, honest, human conversation. Not mediation, negotiation, problem solving, debate, or public meetings. Simple, truthful conversation where we each feel heard, and we each listen well. This is how great changes begin, when people begin talking to each other about their experiences, hopes, and fears. “ From Turning to One Another: Simple Conversations to Restore Hope to the Future, by Margaret Wheatley.
- 6. 6 “Most people don’t listen with the intent to understand; they listen with the intent to reply” ……… Stephen Covey
- 7. 7 80% of awake time is spent communicating. We spend 45% of awake time listening. 75% of the words are ignored, misunderstood or forgotten Most Adults Listen Actively for 17 seconds
- 8. Listening Techniques Active Constructive 8 The listener must take care to attend to the speaker fully, and then repeats, in the listener’s own words, what he or she thinks the speaker has said. “I agree to listen and think about what you say in exchange for you doing the same for me.”
- 9. Constructivist Listening Guidelines 9 Each Person • Has equal time to talk. • Does not interrupt, give advice or break in with a personal story. • Agrees that confidentiality is maintained. • Focus on what the speaker is saying others
- 10. Difficult Conversations 10 Learning the words - how to talk about perspectives, perceptions differences, and attitudes.
- 11. People of Color Vignette #6 11 During a radio interview with the author of a book on Buddhist meditation practice, the talk show host asked whether the author had attempted to reach out to people of color. The author responded by saying, "Yes, I'm offering the meditation workshops in both prisons and juvenile halls." Question : Do you see any problem with the author's response?
- 12. About 12 Bill Howe is the Education Consultant for Multicultural Education at the Connecticut State Department of Education. He is Past-President of the National Association for Multicultural Education (NAME) and Past-Chair of the Connecticut Asian Pacific American Affairs Commission.