“Activity and Character Driven College Application Essays: Ten Tips”

“Activity and Character Driven
College Application Essays:
Ten Tips”
Rebecca Joseph, PhD
rjoseph@calstatela.edu
getmetocollege@gmail.com
facebook: getmetocollege freeadvice

Initial Questions
For the next few minutes, answer as many of the
following questions as you can:
 —Why do you think colleges ask you to write application essays?
 What are your strengths as a student?
 —What are your strengths as a community member or leader?

How Important Are Essays?
What do American colleges look for?
1. Grades
2. Rigor of Coursework, School
3. Test Scores
4. Essays*
5. Recommendations-Teacher and/or Counselor
6. Activities-Consistency, development, leadership,
and initiative
7. Special skills, talents, and passions

How Much Do College Admissions Essays Matter?
 “How Much Do College Admissions Essays Matter”, July 16, 2008, USA Today.
 "It's not a substitute for a rigorous curriculum, good grades and evidence that you're
going to do well," Barmak Nassirian, associate executive director of the American
Association of Collegiate Registrars and Admissions Officers said.
 Still, the essay can make a difference.
 The 10% rule: "If you have 18- or 20,000 applicants, for some of those students, the
essay makes a huge difference, both positively and negatively," says admissions dean at
the University of Virginia, where admissions counselors read every essay looking for
the student's voice.
 Even the University of Texas which receives more than 250,000 applications per year
reads two essays per students as well as an optional resume.
 The first challenge for the writer: picking a topic.
 Any topic can work — or fail.
 "It shouldn't be an essay about community service. It should be about a moment of
time," a college admissions officer said. "Start writing an essay about John who you met
at a homeless shelter who talked to you about his life. Like any piece of good writing,
then you're going to make that come alive.
 The biggest problem for students, he said, is starting with too wide a focus. "By the time
they get to the details, they run out of space," he said. "I'm all for cutting to the chase."

So….Tip 1
Tip 1. College essays are fourth in importance
behind grades, test scores, and the rigor of
completed coursework in many admissions office
decisions. Don’t waste this powerful opportunity to
share your voice and express who you really are to
colleges. Great life stories make you jump off the
page and into your match colleges.

A New Paradigm
Tip 2. Develop an overall strategic essay writing
plan. College essays should work together to help
you communicate key qualities and stories not
available anywhere else in your application.
Remember:
The package of essays counts…not just one.
It’s the message that you communicate along with the power of your stories and
your writing
It’s your ability to take the reader into, through, and beyond your stories quickly
and memorably
Tell stories that belong just to you. That’s why the narrow focus is key.

Four Major Application Types
1. Many private and some public American use the
centralized Common Application with their own
supplements.
www.commonapp.org

Common Application Essay
One Long- 250 – 650 words. Paste in.
 Some students have a background or story that is so central to their
identity that they believe their application would be incomplete
without it. If this sounds like you, then please share your story.
 Recount an incident or time when you experienced failure. How did
it affect you, and what lessons did you learn?
 Reflect on a time when you challenged a belief or idea. What
prompted you to act? Would you make the same decision again?
 Describe a place or environment where you are perfectly content.
What do you do or experience there, and why is it meaningful to
you?
 Discuss an accomplishment or event, formal or informal, that
marked your transition from childhood to adulthood within your
culture, community, or family.

University of Texas Essay Tips
 Don’t tell us what you think we want to hear. The university’s essay readers don’t have a perfect essay in mind –
as a matter of fact essays that sound like all the rest of them – the essay that is expected – is more likely to be
overlooked.
 Be yourself. Show us what makes you unique, how you’ve dealt with issues and problems, what you think about the
topic at hand. Good writing teachers tell their students to write about what they know. That’s good advice for college
essays, too.
 Use a natural voice and style. Although it’s always important to use proper grammar, spelling, punctuation,
diction, etc., don’t write to try to impress anyone. Use words and a style that are appropriate for the topic you’re writing
about, for someone your age, and for someone who’s trying to communicate clearly and logically.
 Don’t be overly informal either. Your essay will be read by an adult professional. In almost all cases, you should
avoid using words or phrases that you might use when texting someone or on a social networking site.
 Develop your ideas. Although the length of your essay alone technically doesn’t matter, developing your ideas
completely does matter. If you can do that in a single page of text, that’s good; but if it takes you three pages or so, that’s
alright, too (as long as you’re not just adding words to make your essay longer). It’s not realistic to assume that you can
clearly communicate your unique perspective about anything in a short paragraph or two.
 Organize your thoughts. All good writing has a beginning, a middle, and an end. That doesn’t mean you should be
formulaic in your writing (this isn’t a high school exit exam), but you should introduce your idea, provide interesting
examples and details in support of your idea, and come to some sort of conclusion at the end.
 Don’t respond to the prompt as though you’re answering a question. Again, we don’t have a perfect essay in
mind. The prompt is supposed to get your mind churning, to make you want to tell us what you think about something
that’s important to you. Your essay is your opportunity to do that.

Four Major Application Types:
2. Large Public Universities
Many large and most prominent public universities
have their own applications.
 Universities of Arizona, California, Indiana, Maryland, Oregon,
Texas, Washington, and Wisconsin—to name just some
 They each have different essay requirements.
 They each have your report activities in a different way.
 But there are ways to use your other essays here as well.
 They have their own essays. You should gather their topics
and look for ways to use your common application essay as one
of your essays for the public colleges, and visa-versa.

UC California
 Two essays
 Respond to both prompts, using a maximum of 1,000 words total.
 You may allocate the word count as you wish. If you choose to respond to one
prompt at greater length, we suggest your shorter answer be no less than 250
words.
Prompt #1 (freshman applicants)-[Outside-In]
Describe the world you come from – for example, your
family, community or school – and tell us how your world
has shaped your dreams and aspirations.
Prompt #2 (all applicants) [Inside-Out]
Tell us about a personal quality, talent, accomplishment,
contribution or experience that is important to you. What
about this quality or accomplishment makes you proud and
how does it relate to the person you are.

Four Major Application Types:
3. Private college specific applications
Fewer and fewer major private universities are not on the
common application
But there are still holdouts.
Georgetown and MIT to name a view.
Make sure you don’t write unnecessary essays as
Georgetown essays are like The Common Application.

Develop A Master Chart
Tip 3. Keep a chart of all essays required by each
college, including short responses and optional
essays. View each essay or short response as a chance
to tell a new story and to share your core qualities.
I recommend three sheets.
 1. Major deadlines and needs. Break it down by the four
application types
 2. Core essays-Color code all the similar or overlapping essays.
 3. Supplemental essays. Each college has extra requirements
on the common application. Again color code similar types:
Why are you a good match for us? How will you add to the
diversity of our campus?

Write the Fewest Yet Most Effective Essays…
Tip 4. Look for patterns between colleges essay
requirements so that you can find ways to use essays
more than once. This holds true for scholarship
essays.
Examples:
Either UC1 or UC2= Common Long

Where to Begin: Core Qualities
Tip 5. Plan to share positive messages and powerful outcomes. You can start with life or family
challenges. You can describe obstacles you have overcome. You can reflect on your growth and
development, including accomplishments and service. College admissions officers do not read minds,
so tell them your powerful life stories.
 Brainstorm: Look at your resume.
 List five of your activities, academic talents and passions, or other interesting family or community stories.
1
2
3
4
5
 Thinking of you the first list, come up with at least five adjectives to describe what you offer a match college
 Examples…empathetic, resilient, determined, collaborative, creative, insightful, analytic, etc.
1
2
3
4
5
 Come up with at least five qualities a match college must have for you.
 Examples—real campus, strong frats, travel abroad possibilities, etc.
1
2
3
4
5

Model Essays
Let’s start with two short pieces Daniel wrote.
Let’s see what works and which one would we like
to see him turn into a long? And which one can
stay a short?

Daniel--Two Short Commons
 …they hurriedly filed past me. Most would not even make eye contact, and the few who did, quickly
looked away, once I asked the question, "Would you like to register to vote?" I repeated this mantra
for hours on end, while working to register newly naturalized immigrants to vote in downtown Los
Angeles last summer. I dodged balloons and confetti so that I could greet new citizens and their
families as they left their naturalization ceremonies. Multiple generations all beamed as they clung
together in joy. Most people I approached turned away. I tried many different approaches from
foolishly and over-enthusiastically urging them to register to calmly and professionally directing
directly them to fill out the proper forms. I learned not to take my failure personally. A first
generation American, I began to understand that hope and participation in government cannot be
magically instilled with balloons and confetti, but rather, are cultivated in families throughout
generations.
 Because of a growing interest in business, I joined the Harvard-Westlake Exchange, which sells
products donated by parents on e-bay to raise money for the school. After a year, we raised a few
thousand dollars: money that some friends and I believe our privileged school does not really need. I
proposed that we give our money to more deserving recipients: inner city children. I first wrote a
lengthy proposal detailing my plan to donate the money to a local public middle school. But desiring
something even more meaningful, I also proposed that members of the Exchange spend time tutoring
and mentoring the students. This lengthy process has taken me to the Parents Association, Prefect
Council, Community Council, and school administration. Having received support across the board, I
have learned how to present an idea persuasively, clear it through unexpected hurdles, and most
importantly, how to make an abstract idea a reality: we began working with a school in October.

Daniel UC 2 and Common Long
 They hurriedly filed past me. Most would not even make eye contact, and the few that did, quickly looked away, once I
asked the question, "Would you like to register to vote?"
 I repeated this mantra for hours on end, while working to register newly naturalized immigrants to vote in Downtown
Los Angeles this past summer. While taking an AP US History class my junior year, I became enamored with the history of American
government and politics. Throughout the year I remained engaged and invigorated with America’s unique past. As the year drew to a
close, my teacher suggested that I manifest my interest in something real by working at some minor level political functions over the
summer. I seized on the opportunity and chose to volunteer for Barack Obama, whose campaign sent me out to register new citizens.
I could not wait to get out and do my part to help engage new Americans in our excited political system. So, I eagerly ran into the
blistering downtown heat, proud to finally be contributing to the political process.
 But all that came was frustration. Most people I approached turned away. Like a used car salesman feeling out his
customers, I persisted through the rejection and tried many different approaches, and while I did not register as many as I hoped, I
did begin to register some new citizens. I wondered about the hundreds who turned away. Maybe it was the context, maybe it was
the timing, and maybe they were not ready.
 Late in the summer, as a large African woman became another in a long line of rejections, her two young children grew
wide-eyed at my pitch. They tugged and pulled on her sleeves, urging her to reconsider, and walk over to the registration booth. The
smiling mother gently nudged them along, amused by their enthusiasm, but undeterred in her quest to make it outside the broad
Convention Center doors and out into the bright Southern California sunshine.
 Finally, my confusion subsided. I thought about my own grandparents, who, after emigrating from Iran more than 20
years ago, found involvement in government a more foreign concept than learning English. During their naturalization ceremony,
there could easily have been a passionate young teenager imploring them to vote. And most likely, they rushed past him, eager to
burst out into their new country and make a better life for their children and grandchildren. And there I now stood, understanding
that my presence alone was enough: these new citizens only needed to know that they can get involved; and that maybe a few weeks,
months, or years down the road, they will register, or at least their children and grandchildren will.
 My registration drive work taught me to observe, listen, and not judge. I learned how turning passions into actions is a
complex, yet wonderful process, and this fall I am continuing my political activism by gathering polling data for local and national
political candidates. I have learned to relish the excitement that comes with being outside my element and interacting with new
people. Most importantly, my personal experience over the summer not only taught me how political and sociological values become
infused throughout generations but also reinforced my love and enthusiasm for the political process.

Analyzing Daniel’s Long and Short Essay.
Short Essay Long Essay
1. What is the key
message of each short?
2. Which one would
you choose if you need
to make one another
UT essay? 1. What is
key message of the
piece?
1 What is the strength of
this long?
2. What are core qualities
you believe Daniel offers
a college?
Overall:
How do the pieces work
together?

1st person only.
Tip 6. Always write in the first person. Remember,
these are autobiographical essays, even when you
talk about other people. Remember the colleges are
looking to accept you, not your relatives. So use the
one third and two thirds rule. If you choose to write
about someone or something else, you must show
how it affected you for the majority of the essay. Your
essays show colleges why you belong on college
campuses and share how you will enrich diverse
communities.

Into, Through, and Beyond Essay Approach
Tip 7. Follow Dr. Joseph’s Into, Through, and Beyond
approach. Lead the reader INTO your story with a
powerful beginning—a story, an experience. Take
them THROUGH your story with the context and
keys parts of your story. End with the BEYOND
message about how this story has affected you are
now and who you want to be in college and
potentially after college.
It is not just the story that counts.
It’s the choice of qualities a student wants the college
to know about herself

Into
It’s the way the reader can lead the reader into the piece—images, examples, context.
Picture one of those typical family dinners where the atmosphere is calm and content and everyone
politely enjoys his or her meal. Now picture the exact opposite. At my house, dinner is comparable to a
circus. With a family of seven, every meal is hectic. If you want the salt, you literally have to shout
across the table, but you’re usually better off getting up and grabbing it yourself. The volume increases
as everyone struggles to be heard over the commotion. Even though this sounds chaotic, I usually
enjoy dinner with my family. We always make an effort to get everyone together to eat, even if it’s only
for twenty minutes.
Working in a Mexican restaurant for more than year, I had never spilled anything on a customer. I
should have knocked on wood. As I was confidently balancing two water glasses, chips, and salsa on a
tray, I leaned over a table of two men to hand them menus. Before I knew what had happened the
glasses were empty as the water from the glasses poured onto their laps and their menus. Extremely
embarrassed I apologized and sat them at another table. I tried again and to my horror experienced
what I thought was déjà vu but turned out to be reality. The waters again inexplicably jumped off the
tray and spilled all over the same two men. I wanted to run into the kitchen and cry I was so
embarrassed but I apologized and the men laughed empathetically.
“We have great crack.” Four short words that forever changed the way I viewed public speaking.

Through
 What happened…quickly…yet clearly with weaving of story and personal analysis
 Specific focus on the student
 Great summarizing, details, and images at same time
Last year, I volunteered as a Confirmation leader at St. Raphael’s Church in South Los Angeles . St. Raphael’s is like a
home to me and I basically grew up in those old, moldy pews. Brian proved to be the biggest challenge I faced that year.
We had a long history together. We were in the same class at grade school until sixth grade when he was held back. I
hadn’t seen him since I graduated 8th grade and went to an all girls’ school, and now here we are sitting in class every
Sunday morning, me as a teacher and him as my favorite student. Throughout the year, dare after dare, he tried
everything he could to push my buttons. He sought out fights, cursed, and even called me a n****r but I didn’t give up. I
quietly disregarded his statements and moved on. I would not let Brian and his derogatory comments break me. His
dreadful behavior lasted until after our retreat.
It was my first time going out on my school’s recruitment team, an energetic and spirited group of girls chosen to
represent all the good things Notre Dame Academy offers to prospective students, and I was nervous. When time came
for me to give my speech about the plethora of wonderful activities that my school has, I sped through my descriptions
of student council, school traditions, and clubs. I breathed a mental sigh of relief as I began to talk about athletics (the
last point I planned to make in my speech). In my attempt to rush through that as well, it seems my brain was working
faster than my tongue and instead of boasting about our great cross-country and track teams, I mixed these two
respectable sports together into the name of an illegal narcotic of which NDA certainly does not offer.

Beyond
 Ending that evokes key characteristics
 Conveys moral
Learning to love my freckles has given me the confidence to stand up for my
beliefs, dreams, and passions and have the courage to be who I am. I speak my
mind through my school newspaper, express my passions through acting and
school-spirit, and challenge myself with inspiring classes so that I may continue
grow from that freckled-face five-year-old, full of insecurities and so quick to
hide who she was, into a strong woman of conviction, faith, and individuality. I
can now declare that I am not just another freckled face. In discovering the
beauty of my own originality, I have learned to embrace the beauty of
originality itself.
The entire room burst into laughter, myself included; and although
embarrassing, this slip-up did make my speeches after that much easier to
deliver.

Brainstorm Short Topics
I recommend you start with three shorts.
They often help you decide what to write your long
about. Look at your qualities
Pick two or three key ones that lend themselves to a
short piece
Into
Through
Beyond

Take the Time With These Essays
Tip 8. Use active writing: avoid passive sentences and
incorporate power verbs. Show when possible; tell
when summarizing.
Tip 9. Have trusted inside and impartial outside
readers read your essays. Make sure you have no
spelling or grammatical errors.

Daniel’s Other Essay
Never in my life has a book grabbed my attention and
crushed my soul as did The Things They Carried. This
novel illustrates the utter powerlessness of many
Vietnam soldiers during and after the war. Tim
O’Brien’s intense characterizations sparked my
fascination with the soldiers, now veterans, who
suffered so much on our behalf, yet were abandoned
by our society. Excited to meet the characters of the
novel that had shaken me so deeply, I decided to
volunteer last summer for twelve weeks at my local
Veterans Administration.

Daniel- 2
 Placed in the Prosthetics Department, I spent hours every day trudging
heavy equipment from my small office to the main hospital. Just as the
soldiers in the novel carried “safety pins, trip flares, razor blades,
chewing tobacco, The Stars and Stripes, and captured AK-47s,” I
carried toilets with hand railings, knee braces, and blood pressure
monitors.
 But the things I carried went much deeper than medical equipment.
Each day, as I was conducting my deliveries on my way to the main
hospital, I would start out on my own, and by the time I arrived at the
hospital, ten to twelve veterans would surround me. There I was, my
arms overflowing with equipment, engulfed by a crowd of senior
citizens, all shouting their heads off, yelling their stories to me at the
exact same time. Some would crack jokes, some would grumble about
the incompetence of the hospital employees, and some would share X-rated
stories. But mainly, they would thank me for volunteering.

Daniel- 3
 Every time soldiers came up to me and found out my age and that I was
not getting paid to work, their faces would light up. One vet in
particular, Ron, eagerly ambushed me every time I made a delivery to
the Physical Therapy Ward. The conversation followed the same
pattern every time but never bored me. First he would flood me with
pictures of his grandchildren, try to convert me to Christianity, and
scold me for not knowing enough about my Persian ancestry. By the
third or fourth time I went to Physical Therapy, I made sure I was well
schooled in ancient Persian literature so that I could pass Ron’s pop
quizzes. And no, I have no idea how this 70 year old, African American,
Vietnam War veteran became an expert on ancient Persian literature,
but the more I learned about my past, the more I learned about his
passion for life.

Daniel- 4
 My most profound interactions occurred with my bosses, many of whom were
veterans as well. We discussed politics, religion, and of course, their War. They
told me why they enlisted, what they experienced when they were overseas, and
how they were treated like garbage upon returning. O’Brien’s words matched
their stories to the tee. As they spoke, I could visualize their experiences in my
mind. One character in the novel often speaks about the creepy vibes given off
by the Green Berets, and how he was terrified of them. Then, Bob, one of my
bosses, told me how as a medic, he went on a mission with some “greenies”
during the war, and how they were some of the most psychotic, mortifying men
he had ever met. He would go on to tell me, how, upon returning, kids he had
grown up with would spit on him in the street, again matching up with
O’Brien’s world. After reading that novel, I was able to relate to and connect
with the veterans in a profound way.
 Through my summer at the VA, I learned about the resiliency of men who
sacrificed everything for this country and how listening and just being there for
the veterans was as valuable as any of the blood pressure monitors I carried.

Final Thoughts
Tip 10. Most importantly, make yourself come alive
throughout this process. Write about yourself as
passionately and powerfully as possible. Be proud of your
life and accomplishments. Sell yourself!!!
 Students often need weeks not days to write effective essays. You need to push
beyond stereotypes.
 You must ultimately submit what pleases you.
 Essays cannot be manufactured. They convey truth, unique stories, and writing
skills.
 Admissions officers can smell “enhanced” essays.
 Students have two to five minutes to grab the attention of a essay reader.
 You can find many great websites and examples but each student is different.
 Admissions officers often say essays make or break an ultimate decision for
students applying to “match colleges.”
 Facebook friend me: getmetocollege freeadvice

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