Already in Progress, Chapter 40
- 1. Welcome back to Already in Progress! Have a good look at the cover picture. Do you notice anything about it? That’s right, Mifune is primping – something no other Sim in the history of this story has ever done! The “Primp” option broke when I installed Pets, and the so-called “patch” and subsequent EPs failed to fix the problem. During this rotation, I finally overcame my phobia of hacks enough to download the entire Director’s Cut from MATY; I currently have installed only 42 of the 168 files. Of those, most were invisible fixes: antiredundancy, for example, which stops the endless generation of NPCs. You should see almost no difference – with the exception of primping.
- 2. To start off with, let’s see if I was right about the number and gender of Celeste’s progeny.
- 3. Nope. This is Frederic Kalson Miller. EDGAR (wonderingly): Is he really mine? CELESTE: Of course he’s yours. Who else’s would he be? EDGAR (awestruck): I can’t believe I had anything to do with making someone this perfect. Just look at him! (Frederic yawns and spits up all over Edgar’s shoulder) EDGAR (almost in tears): He’s just perfect!
- 4. Frederic is a very good baby. He’s quite happy, and only cries when he has a dirty diaper. Fortunately, Mommy and Daddy are quick to take care of that.
- 5. And when Mommy and Daddy have to work, Frederic has a very nice and competent Nanny who comes to take care of him. Or at least he did.
- 6. You see, when Frederic was due to Grow Up, his mother took him over to the cake, helped him blow out the candles… and then set him on the floor and went to read a book. After that, neither of Frederic’s parents would interact with him at all. They went about their business as if he didn’t exist, while poor Frederic lay there completely unmoving and un-interact-with- able. Naturally, I quit without saving, and when I re-entered the lot and played the day through again, Frederic Grew Up without a problem. But he did end up with a different – and pretty well worthless – nanny.
- 7. And that would be the point when I downloaded the Director’s Cut and installed the hacks currently in game. I don’t know what the problem was, and I don’t know that any of the hacks would necessarily have prevented the problem. I just know that it triggered thoughts of having to rebuild yet again, and the pain of the last rebuild has not faded enough for me to be able to face the possibility with equanimity. Isn’t that explanation a clever way to hide that I’m showing you picspam of Eddie being an adorabubble father?
- 8. Don’t get me wrong – Celeste is a fantastic parent, too. She’s caring, attentive, and always ready to help her son learn important new things. She enjoys taking care of and playing with her son, and will cheerfully and autonomously do so. She’s just not adorabubble.
- 9. And speaking of Celeste, let’s check in with Oakapple and Oliver’s house, where my diabolical plan seems to be working. See all those bugs? And what do you do to get rid of all those bugs?
- 10. That’s exactly right. Personally, having been raised in a household that practiced purely organic gardening, I don’t like the emphasis the game places on pesticides.
- 11. But I have to admit, there are certain advantages to it.
- 12. OLIVER: Ye gods! What happened to you? OAKAPPLE: Once we sell… this crop, we’re… buying ladybug houses. OLIVER: Are you okay? Did you finish spraying? OAKAPPLE: Didn’t… finish. I’m… thirsty. Move. OLIVER: Okay. I’ll finish in the garden, then.
- 13. Bad idea.
- 14. OAKAPPLE: We’re calling the… garden club in… the morning, right? OLIVER: Right. OAKAPPLE: Good. This is… really weird. Plus… my head… itches. Or not… exactly itches, but… OLIVER: Then scratch. Don’t just talk about it.
- 15. OAKAPPLE: Yeah, “itches” wasn’t… the right word. This is Saigon Shankel. She’s named after Miss Saigon, which I have never seen. Both Oakpple and Oliver have the same names as people in shows with singing and dancing, so why not the kids?
- 16. Yes, I said “kids.” Oliver figured out the plantbaby thing right away. As a Knowledge Sim, he got aspiration points for it, too. This is Fantine, as in the woman who sells her teeth, her hair, and eventually herself in Les Miserables.
- 17. OAKAPPLE: Oh… crap. OLIVER: What? OAKAPPLE: We have… children. OLIVER: So? OAKAPPLE: And we’re not… married. Adam* will… never speak… to me again. OLIVER: Oh, come on. I bet we’re not the first people to anticipate the wedding. Anyway, we’ll call the garden club tomorrow morning, and we can do something informal in the afternoon to make it all okay. *Oakapple’s brother, who has embraced Victorianism.
- 18. Which is exactly what they did. Nobody paid much attention to the actual exchange of vows, but nobody said anything nasty, either, and the party was a Roof-Raiser. Sally even offered to babysit as needed. Oakapple Shankel is now Oakapple Couderc.
- 19. Over at the Sanders-Miller household, it’s a time of transition. MIFUNE: Here, honey. I think you’re ready for this. LOUISE: What is it? MIFUNE: It’s the deed to QND. I’m ready to retire, and I think I’m leaving the family business in good hands. LOUISE: Gee, thanks, Dad! Um… did you have to hand over the deed in the bathroom, though? MIFUNE: Of course! It is written: “ImportantLifeEvent=GOTO_bathroom true.”
- 20. Louise has made lots of changes, with the help of the nolamehires hack from JMPescado’s Director’s Cut. Basically, for an entire generation, the only Sims available to hire for QND were playables who already had jobs. nolamehires removes playables from the job pool. Now, in addition to the one pre-existing Teen employee on the cash register, we have a townie sales clerk (in blue) and a college student restocking the racks. I never knew that you could hire dormies. I hope this doesn’t blow up my game…
- 21. Louise also hired a townie stylist. I could have hired a Teen to fill that position some time back, but I prefer having adults in that job. Of course, neither option had any badges, so the customers will come out looking like clowns either way… Not to mention that all those salaries keep the store hemhorraghing money, and that really, nobody but Mifune actually likes the GilsCarbo line.
- 22. It’s enough to drive anyone to drink!
- 23. Tirtha Grew Up Well, into an outfit that didn’t really suit her. At least it matches…
- 24. Abhijeet, being younger than Tirtha, didn’t age up. Her age transition didn’t change the number of Wants he rolls for her, either. I thoroughly approve of that aspect of The Sims: not caring about the age of one’s spouse. Abhijeet is a good father to Ariadene, too, even if she does like to try to pull his wig off.
- 25. I think Ariadene looks a lot like her father. That’s definitely his mouth, and I think the chin is his as well. On the other hand, I think she’s got her mother’s nose, and the cheeks are a blend. I think. But no matter which parts came from whom, she’s cute as a button! ABHIJEET: Do you know, I find that a very baffling phrase. I don’t think I’ve ever encountered a button whose attractiveness I have felt compelled to judge. But I agree that my daughter is a cutie-patootie. And as long as I’ve got your attention, could I ask you something? Sure. What’s up?
- 26. ABHIJEET (V.O.): It’s Trixie. She’s been taking Elixir. But that’s illegal. ABHIJEET (V.O.): I know. That’s why I’m concerned. I know she doesn’t listen to you, but I thought that perhaps you could give me some background before I did anything. I’d prefer that my little girl grow up in a safe environment. I can understand that. What do you want to know? (hastily) I’m not saying I’ll necessarily answer, mind, but you can ask.
- 27. ABHIJEET (V.O.): I’m pretty sure the Elixir’s coming from this Leonid Andrews that she’s giving language lessons to. He’s Russian, right? Eh, well… See, I don’t actually know any Russians, and his last name isn’t Russian, but some of his speech patterns… ABHIJEET (V.O.): Russian. Okay. And do you know what he does for a living? He’s a Criminal Mastermind, I think. ABHIJEET (V.O.) (to himself): Russian Mafia! I knew it! Whoa, hey now! Let’s not jump to conclusions! A first name and some syntax do not a gangster make!
- 28. Leonid’s sort of a goof. And he and Trixie get along very well. They have two bolts, which is nothing to be sneezed at.
- 29. ABHIJEET (V.O.): Believe me, I know exactly how well they get along. But I don’t approve of him supplying her with Elixir. Where is he getting the stuff? Why is he giving it to her? That stuff turns people into addicts, you know. Oh, no, it doesn’t necessarily – ABHIJEET (V.O.): “She can quit any time she likes”? Uh-huh. Listen: I very strongly disapprove of this, and I’m going to have a quiet word with Mr. Andrews about it. I wish you wouldn’t… ABHIJEET (V.O.): Why? If he’s not a gangster, there’s no danger. (suspiciously) Or is there? (firmly) I’m going to change the subject now.
- 30. Samantha had a tough pregnancy: too tired to eat and too hungry to sleep, meaning that unfortunately, this was not an uncommon sight.
- 31. It was all worth it, though, for a result like this little angel who shares her mother’s coloring. Meet Cathrynne Miller, everyone. Cathrynne shares the spelling of her name with author Cathrynne M. Valente. I’ve only read one of Ms. Valente’s books, years ago, but I have The Girl Who Circumnavigated Fairyland In A Ship Of Her Own Making on hold and am quite looking forward to it.
- 32. Everybody likes Cathrynne. Daddy stayed home from work to watch her birth. DANTE: Hiiiiii, sweetie! Hi, my precious little girl! Oh, you look just like Mommy, don’t you? Yes, you do! You do! (to Samantha) Can I hold her now?
- 33. Granda actually stopped cleaning to come see the new arrival. HARKON: Hey, Don. You don’t mind if I give my new grandbaby a cuddle, do you? DANTE: Well, I was enjoying holding her myself… HARKON: Oh, that’s okay. You keep right on holding her. (sighs theatrically) Never mind that I’m an old man with not much time left on my life bar, or that I never got to hold my own daughters when they were babies… DANTE: Oh, I’m sorry, Harkon! Here, why don’t you give her a cuddle?
- 34. HARKON: Heh, that boy is too nice for his own good. I’ve got plenty of room left on my life bar. And I was the one who chose to adopt Children instead of Babies. But if it works, it works, right, sweetie-pie? CATHRYNNE: (chortles)
- 35. Yup, Cathrynne is a real hot property. AMY: Let me hold her, Da. HARKON: Oh, I don’t know. AMY: Let me hold her, Da. Come on. HARKON: You won’t drop her? AMY: Da! HARKON: Okay, okay. Here you go. AMY: She’s so little!
- 36. Amy is particularly taken with her niece. AMY: Yup, you are just about perfect. You know, I don’t think I’m going to go to school tomorrow. I’m just going to stay home and hold you all day. I’ll feed you and burp you and play with you and sing you to sleep. Hey, when you go to sleep, I’ll sit there and hold you. I’ll sit real still so you don’t wake up. I’ll… (as Cathrynne pushes the bottle away) Oh, are you done? Okay. I’ll burp you now.
- 37. AMY: Because there is nothing I won’t do for you, you perfect little sweetheart, you. (A truly impressive stench arises from Cathrynne’s lower half) AMY: …Except that. (sweetly) Oh, Don! Your daughter needs you. And speaking of people who need diapers…
- 38. Over at the Buttercup Shankel household, Jo and Cecil Grew Up in perfect unison. I wish I’d filmed it – I’ve never seen two kids sync up that well before.
- 39. Like most of the siblings in my game, Jo and Cecil grew up with poor relationships to each other. So I set about rectifying that via the ancient and mystic rite known as a Water Balloon Fight.
- 40. Followed by Mary Mack. JO and CECIL: He jumped so high, high, high He reached the sky, sky, sky And he didn’t come back, back, back Til the Fourth of July, ly, ly …Although where I grew up, that was a jump rope rhyme, not a handclap rhyme. Handclaps were “Down down baby” or “Candy store.” My inner eight-year-old is very contemptuous of EAxis for not knowing something as simple as that.
- 41. Of course, Jo and Cecil are still siblings. JO: Mommy! Mommy! Watch me! Watch this! CECIL: Thpppppbt! You stink! JO: You stink more! And children.
- 42. Although for Buttercup, “child” is just another word for “cheap labor force.” Child labor isn’t exactly legal, but if you look really really closely at the picture, you’ll see that that’s not the only less- than-legal thing going on. Albert isn’t wearing a hairnet. You should always wear a hairnet when preparing food. And gloves.
- 43. Over at the Littledragon-Tsvirkunov household, there is a definite reservoir of Awesome. Sarah Jane is an awesome grandmother: not only does she make Smart Milk upon request, but she taught her granddaughters to walk.
- 44. Tim is an equally awesome grandfather, always taking the time to read to whichever girl is in the mood for a story. TIM: …And so when Magriette wrote “Ceci n’est pas une pipe,” it was not so much a surrealist statement as it was a simple statement of fact: a painting of a pipe is not, in fact, a pipe. As Michel Foucalt points out… ABBEY: Shoo flee, Tim! I can’t get to the stove! Admittedly, Tim’s choice of both reading material and location are somewhat unorthodox, but Rebecca doesn’t seem to mind.
- 45. The girls are equally awesome. I don’t have photographic proof of any of it, but just to give you a taste… I did not direct Anastasia to do this. And while there is nothing special about a kid deciding to play with one of the toys in the same room, Anastasia did not start out in this room. She was in the living room, being Tickled by her mother. I left them alone for a moment, and when I came back, Abbey set Anastasia down right in front of the xylophone, where Anastasia proceeded to gain a Creativity skill point – and the aspiration points for it. Rebecca has performed similar feats of redirecting her parents to do her bidding instead of mine. I’m very glad they were twins: that much pure concentrated Awesome in one Sim could only spell Fiery Doom for the ’hood.
- 46. Unfortunately, the Awesomeness Quotient in the household has been reduced by one. GRIM REAPER: D.in., .rs. .itt..dra…? SARAH JANE: Don’t mind if I do!
- 47. Sarah Jane Littledragon, 71 years old. Sarah Jane was the daughter of one of my favorite couples, and was pretty awesome at every stage of life. I had not planned for her to be interested in her childhood friend – I expected Timmy’s feelings to be unrequited. Sarah Jane put a stop to that idea pretty much the second Tim became a Teen, and she made darn sure to re-stake her claim within three hours of arriving at college. Sarah Jane produced a son who was just as awesome as she was, and spent most of her time being sure that I forgot that she and Tim had zero bolts for each other. She was one of my favorite Sims, and she will be greatly missed. Rest in peace, Sarah Jane.
- 48. Hi, Sally! How’s it going? SALLY (coughs): Not so good. No? SALLY: No. (sorrowfully) This was supposed to be mac and cheese. Now it’s charcoal. I’m sorry. SALLY: Oh, it’s not your fault. Hey, did you hear the news?
- 49. What news is that? SALLY (V.O.): Oliver and Oakapple got married! And they have two daughters now! I had heard rumors to that effect. Is that your niece? SALLY (V.O.): Saigon and Fantine are both my nieces, but Fantine’s the only one that’s blood to me. I don’t remember which one I’m holding there. You can’t tell them apart? SALLY (V.O.): Nobody can. Oakapple’s talking about color- coding them. Is he? SALLY (V.O.): Well, actually he was talking about tattooing them, but Oliver said that would cost too much.
- 50. SALLY (V.O.): Oh, and Mom’s permaplat! That’s great! SALLY (V.O.): Yeah, she’s The Law now. And kinda insufferable about it, actually. How do you mean?
- 51. LUCY: Sally? The Law says you can’t root around in trash cans. SALLY: But there’s good stuff in there. And it’s our own trash. And anyhow, once it’s put out at the curb it’s legally public property. LUCY: …We’re not trash-pickers, Sally. Stop it. SALLY (V.O.): Like I said, insufferable.
- 52. SALLY (V.O.): Oh! And I maxed Creativity! Congratulations! How does that feel? SALLY (V.O.): Pretty darn good, actually. I got a college scholarship for it and everything. That’s great!
- 53. SALLY (V.O.): Yeah, Amy and I already have plans about what we’re going to do with it. Who’s Amy? And aren’t scholarships for, oh, tuition and books and stuff like that? SALLY (V.O.): Amy Littledragon, my friend from school. We’re going to college together. The university provides the books, and since I’m going to a state school, tuition is free. Wasn’t that how it worked for you? Unfortunately not.
- 54. SALLY: Gee, that’s too bad. But you’ll come see me at college? Wait – you’re leaving already? SALLY: Uh-huh. I said I was going with Amy. She’s two years older than me. Why are you going with Amy? Is there something I should know? SALLY: No. She’s my friend. And if I go now, then you have to play two years fewer of college. That’s a good thing, right? Um… SALLY (satisfied): I thought so too. So you’ll come visit me at college? Sure. SALLY: Okay, then. See you soon! (waves as the taxi pulls away)
- 55. And I will leave you with one more picture of Edgar the Adorable being an adorable father. D’aaaaaaaw… Until next time, Happy Simming! ********** The Grim Reaper said “Drink, Mrs. Littledragon?”