Already in Progress, Chapter 9
- 1. Oh, hey, look who it is! Fancy meeting you here! I’m guessing you want to know how things are going with our pals in Sandersville. You didn’t know that the ’hood was called Sandersville? Neither did I, until last week. Before that, I was calling it “the one with the lake.” My inability to name things would be legendary, at least if anybody other than you and me knew about it. And you’re not going to rat me out, right? Right? …Right. So. Why don’t we rejoin our story? Already in Progress…
- 2. To say that Mitch took Orion’s death hard would be an understatement. JASMINE: Mama, I’m scared. Why is Daddy acting like that? ANDROMEDA: Don’t be afraid, sweetie. The nice doctor is going to help Daddy out and he’ll feel all better soon. Let’s go read a book now, okay? Fortunately, Jasmine is a resilient child. Soon, Mitch’s condition was downgraded from “scary” to “annoying.”
- 3. JASMINE: Mama, does Daddy have to talk to Mr. Cuphead every day? ANDROMEDA: No, honey. The doctor said that once he had a change of environment, he’d be back to his old self. Until that happens, though, we just have to pretend that Mr. Cuphead is real. JASMINE: Who are the Enviro Men? ANDROMEDA: No, environment. It means the situation you live in. Like your room or your house. JASMINE: Is that why we had to move? ANDROMEDA: That’s one of the reasons, yes.
- 4. The new place seems to be doing Mitch good. Not only is he back to playing the piano, he’s actually started singing along with the music. He sounds like a bag full of strangled cats, but that’s beside the point.
- 5. OPAL: Andy, I have to wash the dishes! ANDREW: Nope. (kiss) No dishes. (kiss) Doctor’s orders. (kiss) OPAL (laughing): What do you mean, doctor’s orders? I’m supposed to use my arm as much as possible. ANDREW: And do regular stretches. (kiss) I’m just helping. (kiss) OPAL: Oooh…Andy, the kids are right there! CHALCEDONY and JASPER (together): Ewwww – kissing! Yuk! Oh, right, the kids. Speaking of the kids…
- 6. Jasper likes playing catch with his daddy. However, his two nice points mean that his daddy isn’t so fond of playing catch with him.
- 7. Jasper’s two nice points mean he also likes to “play” with his little sister. Don’t feel too sorry for her though…
- 8. …as soon as she grew up, Amy started giving as good as she got. And spreading it out, for good measure. CHALCEDONY (panicked): The Social Worker? Where?
- 9. Amy has one nice point. Poor four-nice-points Chalcedony gets cheated at chess every single time. But those four nice points don’t stop him gossiping. (virtuously) No, I’m not going to tell you what they were gossiping about. I never repeat salacious rumors. Besides, they said it too quietly. All I could hear was “Daddy.” And then they had a good laugh. Rotten kids, whispering like that.
- 10. Jasper tries to cheat people outside the family too, but one-nice-point Jasmine is having none of it. JASMINE: What do you think you’re doing? If you don’t stop being such a lousy cheater, I’m going home. JASPER: But you cheat too. Daddy said pawns don’t get to jump over other pieces and capture them. JASMINE: Yes, but I’m a good cheater. You didn’t find out til after I left.
- 11. Money is still tight – folding chairs, a card table, and only one parent at a time at the table is the norm. ANDREW: But someday, kids, they’ll let me actually work on a game. All I need is a chance to show them what I can do. And once my game starts selling, we’ll have a dining table big enough for all of us! JASPER: Wow! I wanna be just like you, Daddy! ANDREW (suspiciously): …Was that sarcasm, Jasper? With Jasper, it’s hard to tell.
- 12. Just to keep you oriented and updated, I thought you should know: Lydia Couderc is now an elder. She spends her days skilling, while Galileo either paints or digs for treasure. Mircea’s become an overachiev–
- 13. Mircea? Where are you going? Wait a minute – is that Kitty Fuchs in the limo? Where the heck did she get a limo? I know for a fact that her parents only have a Yomoshoto Evasion. Just because you can’t hear me is no reason to ignore me, you know. Fine. Be that way. See if I bail you out when you get busted.
- 14. Oh, for crying out loud! I didn’t expect you to really get busted! – Kitty! What do you think you’re doing, corrupting innocent young men like that? And where did you get that car? KITTY: I made it. No, you didn’t. I don’t have Free Time. And even if I did, you can’t fix up limos – only old clunkers. KITTY: I made it out of an eggplant. An eggplant. KITTY: I didn’t have any pumpkins. Who do you think you are, Cinderella’s fairy godmother? – Never mind. Why do I even bother? Moving right along…
- 15. (Tyrone wails) BYRON (groggily): Okay, okay, I’m coming. RICKY: I’ve got it, Byron. Go back to sleep. BYRON (mumbles): I have got to get a my own place… Yes, sharing a room with your nephew does kind of put a crimp in your style.
- 16. Even if your family is the sort of family that qualifies as perhaps a little too willing to accommodate your *ahem* social life. JEROME: Hi. I don’t think we were formally introduced at the wedding. I’m Byron and Lucky’s friend Jerome. CARYL: Caryl. But you’re mostly Byron’s friend, right? JEROME: Well…it’s a different type of friendship I guess… CARYL: Thought so. That’s why we moved the baby into our room for tonight. (Jerome blushes.) Which is why…
- 17. JEROME: I thought we were going bowling. I don’t see where you can fit a bowling alley in this place. (thoughtfully) And anyway, wouldn’t it wake everyone up? BYRON: Hey Jerome, how many O’s are there in your last name? JEROME: W-O-O-D-R-O-W. Three. (with increased interest) Are we checking in? BYRON: Mm-hmm. JEROME: Cool!
- 18. BYRON: So…who do you think would win in a fight? The Daleks or the Borg? JEROME: Oh no you don’t. You didn’t bother renting a hotel room so we could discuss Daleks versus Borg when everybody knows the Borg would totally kick butt. Are you gonna go into pon farr or not? Because if all we’re gonna do is debate foregone conclusions, I could actually be studying for the bar. (For all you non-American-lawyer-type people out there, “the bar” is the test you have to pass to become a licensed lawyer. But you knew that.)
- 19. JEROME: Aw heck…studying’s overrated anyway.
- 20. Certainly Caryl seems to do just fine without it. She never went to college, but her impromptu resplicing and reordering of Das Karussell turned out to be even better than the original. Her version was later sold as the “director’s” cut. She got a nice little bonus and a promotion. Das Karusell means The Carousel, and as far as I know there isn’t a movie by that exact name. I had a dream once, though, that involved an alternate-history WWII Germany and a highly symbolic carousel that was more like a really good drama film than a plain old dream. My subconscious hires good writers.
- 21. …Which she and Lucky celebrated in the traditional fashion. Caryl is Strict Family Values, but there was no lullaby on this Try. It’s probably just as well. I can’t think where I’d put another crib.
- 22. Look! Behind the tree! It’s a llama! It’s a dirigible! It’s Captain Hero! Yes, one day before becoming an Elder, Hunter has become Captain Hero. He looks good in the outfit, doesn’t he? He complains that it gives him terrible wedgies, and the spandex itches something awful, but protecting the children of the city is worth all the inconvenience. The whole family is very proud of him. So am I, come to that.
- 23. Aren finished up college and had a roof-raiser of a graduation party.
- 24. He then moved back in with his dads temporarily, just until he saves up enough for a place of his own. Looking at this picture, I’m not sure if he’s trying to find a job, and apartment, or a really good clothing sale. I hope it’s the last one. Somehow, cowboy shirts are just not him. Kitty likes the shirt, but then, she has odd taste in clothing.
- 25. See? (snicker) Ooh, that’s gotta hurt. Serves you right for all that nonsense earlier, missy.
- 26. KITTY: Actually, I think it popped my spine back into alignment. Plus I got a Body point out of the deal. Smart alec. KITTY: Why are you bothering me, anyway? Why aren’t you taking care of the fire? Fire?! What fire? There’s not really a fire. You just know I’m scared of fire and you’re trying to wind me up. KITTY: If you say so. But I’d go check on Colin if I were you. Waitaminute – you’ve never even met Colin. Let me see…
- 27. Aaaaaaaaa! Fire! Fire! Fire! Aaaaaaugh! This is horrible! Colin, where are you?
- 28. KENNEDY COX: Um, Mr. Senator, sir? I think your house is on fire. COLIN: Don’t be silly. If it were on fire, there would be firefighters here and alarms would be going off like crazy. KENNEDY: Um, Mr. Senator, sir? Have you looked out the window?
- 29. COLIN: Oh my Esme, my house is in fire! Aaaaaaaaa! Fire! Fire! Fire! Aaaaaaugh! This is horrible! KENNEDY: Have you maybe considered getting your hearing checked? And, um, evacuating the building? COLIN: Aaaaaaaaa! Fire! Fire! Fire! Aaaaaaugh!
- 30. Bless you, Maura Simpson! If you ever decide to marry into any of my families, I promise you instant motherlode and hula zombies when you go! Colin, if you try and cut the fire department’s budget when you become mayor, I will personally drop you in a pool and take away the ladder. What kind of an idiot puts pork chops in the oven and then goes off to dance the hula? Some people…
- 31. Here’s someone who’s not an idiot. Zeeshan Sanders, media mogul, on his way to work. Sometimes no news is good news.
- 32. Also in the no-news-is-good-news category, Jon and Emmy are disgustingly happy. Honestly, they go to work, make boatloads of money, come home, play with the cat, and do all sorts of three-bolt-couple mushy stuff. How can I make a plot out of that?
- 33. Okay, I guess I really do have something more to say about the Marcel and Zeeshan branch of the Sanders family – or rather, about the Cassie offshoot. She did try to make things up with Root, but he was having none of it. You hurt my Cassie, mister. I have something especially nasty in mind for you. CASSIE: Oh, please don’t involve the Reaper. I’m afraid of him. And really, Root’s only twelve. You can’t expect him to behave like a mature adult. No, don’t worry. I won’t involve the Reaper. It’s much more subtle than that. Are you sure, though? CASSIE: Oh, yes. I’ve moved on. I am so over him.
- 34. So I see. Hey Cassie, who’s the note from? CASSIE: Not telling. Fine, be that way.
- 35. As you can see, Robin and Francois have moved into a new place. (Also as you can see, I still can’t remember to go up one floor for these sorts of shots.) Pierre has moved on to the great Space Pirate Ship in the sky. I have no documentation of this, so you’ll have to take my word for it. ROBIN: What’s this? (reads flyer) “Find your other half! Your destiny awaits!...modest fee…satisfaction guaranteed…” Oh, and there’s an 800 number. Maybe I’ll check it out. (Telephones numbers with an 800 area code are free to call. You knew that, even if you’re not from the States.)
- 36. ROBIN: Okay, here’s $5,000. I’m looking for a nice woman, child-bearing age please, and I want three bolts. SAMANTHA ROYCE THE MATCHMAKER: Hon, for five thousand bucks, you’re gonna get the best I got. Let’s see…
- 37. ROBIN: Hello. I’m Robin Sanders. YVETTE HUNIKE: Yvette Hunike. Pleased to meet you. ROBIN: Oh no, the pleasure’s all mine. And may I compliment you on your excellent dress sense? Hey, matching outfits! Did we hit paydirt here? (checks relationship panel) Nope, only two bolts. We’ll keep looking. But this is quite promising. It seems like things are going very well all around.
- 38. STACEY: Tobes, I’m not sure I can do this anymore. TOBY: Do what, Stace? STACEY: This. All this. I mean, I’ve done everything right, I have all the skills, and I’m still a Drive-Through Clerk. What level are you now? TOBY: Proj – No, wait, I got promoted again. Scholar. STACEY: It’s that damn gumbo! Am I ever going to live that down? (wails) I don’t think I want to be a Celebrity Chef anymore! TOBY: Oh, baby, please don’t give up on your dream! I guess I spoke to soon. Stacey just isn’t getting those promotions like she should be.
- 39. But on the whole, things really are going very well. I just wonder if I could get your opinion on something real quick?
- 40. Both of Lucky’s parents are brunettes. His grandfather was blond, though, and when he came out blond, I figured Ricky was brunette/blond, just like Yvonne. Then Caryl, also blond, joined the family and I figured I’d have a bunch of little tow-headed kids running around the place. But what do you think? Do those eyebrows look blond to you? Could we possibly have a (gasp) natural redhead on our hands? IhopeIhopeIhope… But we’ll have to wait until next time to find out. See you then!