![Artificial Intelligence, Intellectual
Property, Cyber Risk and Robotics
Artificial Intelligence (AI) is the most rapidly developing technology in the
current Digital Age, but it is also the least defined, understood and adequately
explained technological advance. This book brings together a group of
leading experts who assess different aspects of AI from different disciplinary
perspectives. The book argues that robots are not living systems but the
creations of humans who must ultimately be accountable for the actions of
the robots that they have invented. Robots do not have ownership entitlement.
The book uses Intellectual Property Rights cases, evidence from roboticists,
cybersecurity experts, Patent Court judges, technology officers, climate
change scientists, economists, physicists and those from the legal profession
to demonstrate that while AI can have very beneficial uses for many aspects
of human economy and society, robots are not living systems autonomous
from human decision making. This book will be useful to those in banking
and insurance, cybersecurity, lawyers, judges, technology officers, economists,
scientist inventors, computer scientists, large and small companies and post-
graduate students.
Ruth Taplin (PhD London School of Economics and Political Science [LSE]
and Graduate Diploma in Law) is Director of the Centre for Japanese and
East Asian Studies, London, Editor/â
Founder of the Interdisciplinary Journal
of Economics and Business Law (IJEBL), a Routledge Featured Author and
has written/â
edited 24 books and more than 200 articles.](https://image.slidesharecdn.com/26196053-250605223952-4a75136a/85/Artificial-Intelligence-Intellectual-Property-Cyber-Risk-And-Robotics-A-New-Digital-Age-Ruth-Taplin-6-320.jpg)
![This ebook is for the use of anyone anywhere in the United States
and most other parts of the world at no cost and with almost no
restrictions whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or re-use it
under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included with this
ebook or online at www.gutenberg.org. If you are not located in the
United States, you will have to check the laws of the country where
you are located before using this eBook.
Title: Baled Hay: A Drier Book than Walt Whitman's Leaves o'
Grass
Author: Bill Nye
Illustrator: Frederick Burr Opper
Release date: December 15, 2015 [eBook #50699]
Most recently updated: October 22, 2024
Language: English
Credits: Produced by David Widger from page images generously
provided by the Internet Archive
*** START OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK BALED HAY: A
DRIER BOOK THAN WALT WHITMAN'S LEAVES O' GRASS ***](https://image.slidesharecdn.com/26196053-250605223952-4a75136a/85/Artificial-Intelligence-Intellectual-Property-Cyber-Risk-And-Robotics-A-New-Digital-Age-Ruth-Taplin-26-320.jpg)
Artificial Intelligence Intellectual Property Cyber Risk And Robotics A New Digital Age Ruth Taplin
- 1. Artificial Intelligence Intellectual Property Cyber Risk And Robotics A New Digital Age Ruth Taplin download https://ebookbell.com/product/artificial-intelligence- intellectual-property-cyber-risk-and-robotics-a-new-digital-age- ruth-taplin-52392106 Explore and download more ebooks at ebookbell.com
- 2. Here are some recommended products that we believe you will be interested in. You can click the link to download. Artificial Intelligence And Intellectual Property Reto Hilty https://ebookbell.com/product/artificial-intelligence-and- intellectual-property-reto-hilty-26149570 Artificial Intelligence And Creativity New Concepts In Intellectual Property 1st Edition Marcos Wachowicz Lukas Ruthes Gonalves https://ebookbell.com/product/artificial-intelligence-and-creativity- new-concepts-in-intellectual-property-1st-edition-marcos-wachowicz- lukas-ruthes-gonalves-10977612 Research Handbook On Intellectual Property And Artificial Intelligence Ryan Abbott https://ebookbell.com/product/research-handbook-on-intellectual- property-and-artificial-intelligence-ryan-abbott-49840310 Developments In Intellectual Property Strategy The Impact Of Artificial Intelligence Robotics And New Technologies Nadia Naim https://ebookbell.com/product/developments-in-intellectual-property- strategy-the-impact-of-artificial-intelligence-robotics-and-new- technologies-nadia-naim-56879412
- 3. Ai I An Intellectual History Of Artificial Intelligence Eugene Charniak https://ebookbell.com/product/ai-i-an-intellectual-history-of- artificial-intelligence-eugene-charniak-61394310 Ai I An Intellectual History Of Artificial Intelligence Eugene Charniak https://ebookbell.com/product/ai-i-an-intellectual-history-of- artificial-intelligence-eugene-charniak-61515802 Artificial Intelligence https://ebookbell.com/product/artificial-intelligence-2269610 Artificial Intelligence And Data Science In Environmental Sensing Mohsen Asadnia https://ebookbell.com/product/artificial-intelligence-and-data- science-in-environmental-sensing-mohsen-asadnia-44874424 Artificial Intelligence Internet Of Things Iot And Smart Materials For Energy Applications Smart Engineering Systems Design And Applications 1st Edition Mohan Lal Kolhe Editor https://ebookbell.com/product/artificial-intelligence-internet-of- things-iot-and-smart-materials-for-energy-applications-smart- engineering-systems-design-and-applications-1st-edition-mohan-lal- kolhe-editor-44875144
- 6. Artificial Intelligence, Intellectual Property, Cyber Risk and Robotics Artificial Intelligence (AI) is the most rapidly developing technology in the current Digital Age, but it is also the least defined, understood and adequately explained technological advance. This book brings together a group of leading experts who assess different aspects of AI from different disciplinary perspectives. The book argues that robots are not living systems but the creations of humans who must ultimately be accountable for the actions of the robots that they have invented. Robots do not have ownership entitlement. The book uses Intellectual Property Rights cases, evidence from roboticists, cybersecurity experts, Patent Court judges, technology officers, climate change scientists, economists, physicists and those from the legal profession to demonstrate that while AI can have very beneficial uses for many aspects of human economy and society, robots are not living systems autonomous from human decision making. This book will be useful to those in banking and insurance, cybersecurity, lawyers, judges, technology officers, economists, scientist inventors, computer scientists, large and small companies and post- graduate students. Ruth Taplin (PhD London School of Economics and Political Science [LSE] and Graduate Diploma in Law) is Director of the Centre for Japanese and East Asian Studies, London, Editor/â Founder of the Interdisciplinary Journal of Economics and Business Law (IJEBL), a Routledge Featured Author and has written/â edited 24 books and more than 200 articles.
- 7. Routledge Studies in the Growth Economies of Asia 144. International Entrepreneurship A Comparative Analysis Susan Freeman, Ying Zhu and Malcolm Warner 145. Ritual and Economy in Metropolitan China A Global Social Science Approach Carsten Herrmann-â Pillath, Guo Man and Feng Xingyuan 146. Cyber Risk, Intellectual Property Theft and Cyberwarfare Asia, Europe and the USA Ruth Taplin 147. Changing Labour Policies and Organization of Work in China Impact on Firms and Workers Ying Zhu, Michael Webber and John Benson 148. Vietnamese Labour Militancy Capital-â labour Antagonisms and Self-â organised Struggles Joe Buckley 149. Economic Successes in South Asia A Story of Partnerships Shahrukh Rafi Khan 150. Ersatz Capitalism and Industrial Policy in Southeast Asia A Comparative Institutional Analysis of Indonesia and Malaysia Fabian Bocek 151. Indiaâs Trade Policy in the 21st Century Amita Batra 152. Artificial Intelligence, Intellectual Property, Cyber Risk and Robotics A New Digital Age Edited by Ruth Taplin
- 8. Artificial Intelligence, Intellectual Property, Cyber Risk and Robotics A New Digital Age Edited by Ruth Taplin
- 9. First published 2023 by Routledge 4 Park Square, Milton Park, Abingdon, Oxon OX14 4RN and by Routledge 605 Third Avenue, New York, NY 10158 Routledge is an imprint of the Taylor & Francis Group, an informa business © 2023 selection and editorial matter, Ruth Taplin; individual chapters, the contributors The right of Ruth Taplin to be identified as the author of the editorial material, and of the authors for their individual chapters, has been asserted in accordance with sections 77 and 78 of the Copyright, Designs and Patents Act 1988. All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reprinted or reproduced or utilised in any form or by any electronic, mechanical, or other means, now known or hereafter invented, including photocopying and recording, or in any information storage or retrieval system, without permission in writing from the publishers. Trademark notice: Product or corporate names may be trademarks or registered trademarks, and are used only for identification and explanation without intent to infringe. British Library Cataloguing-â in-â Publication Data A catalogue record for this book is available from the British Library ISBN: 978-â0-â367-â85754-â7 (hbk) ISBN: 978-â1-â032-â41887-â2 (pbk) ISBN: 978-â0-â367-â85756-â1 (ebk) DOI: 10.4324/â9780367857561 Typeset in Times New Roman by Newgen Publishing UK
- 10. Contents Preface vii Acknowledgements viii List of Illustrations ix List of Abbreviations x List of Contributors xii Foreword xiv 1 Artificial Intelligence, Intellectual Property, Cyber Risk and Robotics: An Overview 1 RUTH TAPLIN 2 Mechanizing Chess Games, Computable Enumerability and Dynamical Systems 14 K. VELA VELUPILLAI 3 Artificial Intelligence, Robotics and Intellectual Property 31 RUTH TAPLIN 4 The Physical Concept of Information and Artificial Intelligence 41 VICTOR BARTENEV 5 How Robotic Process Automation is Revolutionising Service Industries 64 PAUL WHITESIDE, CHIN-â BUN TSE AND AMELIA YUEN SHAN AU-â YEUNG 6 Climate Change, Pandemics and Artificial Intelligence 92 RUTH TAPLIN AND ALOJZY Z. NOWAK
- 11. vi Contents 7 Artificial Intelligence: A Looming Economic and Moral Crisis 109 KENNETH FRIEDMAN 8 Conclusion 125 RUTH TAPLIN Index 132
- 12. Preface A new digital revolution is occurring in the emergence of Artificial Intelligence (AI) which is basically the ability of AI/â Learning machines to process masses of (big) data more rapidly than humans, finding patterns from data input by people that are useful for humans to predict, create models and understand more accurately natural phenomena through AI machine vision. AI can have both negative and positive effects on all aspects of human life and nature in global terms. Yet it is a deeply misunderstood technology with humans cre- ating frightening scenarios of killer robots and AI robots taking control of the world. This is disinformation which AI can assist in blocking through miti- gating cyberattack, but it cannot do this independently. The proof that AI is not a living system, which again is a human construct, is shown through cases involving Intellectual Property Rights (IPR) which in recent times have seen attempts to claim that robots can be inventors/âcreators that should be awarded patent rights. In this book we submit that robots are not living systems but the creations of humans who must ultimately be accountable for the actions of the robots that they have invented. Robots do not have ownership entitle- ment. We use IPR cases, and evidence from roboticists, Patent Court judges, technology officers, climate change scientists, economists, physicists and those from the legal profession to demonstrate that while AI can have very bene- ficial uses for many aspects of human economy and society, robots are not living systems autonomous from human decision making. This book will be useful to those in banking and insurance, lawyers, cybersecurity personnel, judges, technology officers, economists, scientists, inventors, computer scientists, large and small companies and postgraduate students.
- 13. Acknowledgements The Editor and author of four chapters in this book would like to thank the expert contributors to this volume for their considerable efforts with their chapters. Others who have made invaluable contributions are: Lord Justice Colin Birss, of the Court of Appeal with his precise and astute knowledge of patents and what constitutes inventor status. Takashi Ikegami, Professor at the Department of General Systems Sciences at the University of Tokyo, Japan, for his understanding of what constitutes a living system and for writing the Foreword. James Brewer, former Insurance Editor of Lloydâs List for invaluable insur- ance and Cyber Risk expertise. Peter Sowden, Routledge Editor, for his continuing support for more than 20 years.
- 14. Illustrations Figures 2.1 Every acute-â angled triangle can be made into, or from, three isosceles triangles 24 4.1 A living cell as an open thermodynamic system 43 4.2 Energy transformation in living systems 44 4.3 Generation of an instinctive system response to signals received from two well-â known signal sources 54 4.4 Creation of information in a living system based on the processing of two inconsistent (asymmetric) signals 55 Table 4.1 The milestones in biological and socio-â economic evolution 45
- 15. Abbreviations AAI Automobile Association Ireland AGI Artificial General Intelligence AI Artificial Intelligence AL Artificial Life API Application Programmatic Interface CAI Cognitive Artificial Intelligence CBCGDF China Biodiversity Conservation and Green Development Foundation CBE Classical behavioural economics CIO Chief Information Officer CITES Convention on International Trade in Endangered Species of Wild Fauna and Flora CMMI Capability Maturity Model Integration CoE Centre of Excellence COVID-â 19 Coronavirus disease 2019 DDoS Distributed denial of service DNS Domain Name System DSA Digital Services Act (EU) EU European Union GDP Gross domestic product HPS Human Problem Solving HR Human resources IEEE Institute of Electrical and Electronics Engineers IOCR Intelligent Optical Character Recognition IoT Internet of Things IP Intellectual property IPA Intelligent Process Automation IPCC Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change IPO Intellectual Property Office IPR Intellectual Property Rights IRPA Intelligent Robotic Process Automation IT Information technology IUCN International Union for Conservation of Nature
- 16. List of Abbreviations xi LSE London School of Economics and Political Science MBE Modern behavioural economics MIT Massachusetts Institute of Technology ML Machine learning NHS National Health Service (UK) NLP Natural Language Processing NOAA National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration OCR Optical Character Recognition OKRs Objectives and Key Results PDF Portable Document Format ROI Return on investment ROM Robotic Operating Model RPA Robotic Process Automation SaaS Software as a Service SARS Severe acute respiratory syndrome SDM Service Delivery Management SFGA State Forestry and Grassland Administration (China) TCM Traditional Chinese medicine UAV Unmanned Aerial Vehicle UK United Kingdom UN United Nations UNFAO Food and Agriculture Organization of the United Nations USA United States of America US United States WEF World Economic Forum WHO World Health Organization WRI World Resource Institute
- 17. Contributors Amelia Yuen Shan Au-â Yeung is Associate Professor in Strategy and International Business and Interim Dean at the Claude Littner Business School, University of West London. Her research focuses on innovation, retail and internationalisation strategies in emerging markets such as China. Victor Bartenev graduated from the Moscow Institute of Physics and Technology with a PhD in Biophysics in 1981. From the early 2000s, he began independent research on the natural science foundations of the global economy, united under the name âPhysical Macroeconomicsâ, publishing a book and a number of articles related to this interdisciplinary topic. Kenneth Friedman has published in physics, philosophy and economics and is Book Review Editor for the Interdisciplinary Journal of Economics and Business Law. He teaches at Regis University, Colorado, USA and is the President of a small publicly traded minerals company. He holds a doctorate in the Philosophy of Science and an MS in Physics from the Massachusetts Institute of Technology (MIT), an MA in Philosophy from Harvard University and under an American Council of Learned Societies Fellowship studied in Brussels with Ilya Prigogine who won the Nobel Prize in chemistry for his work on the development of non-â linear thermodynamics. Alojzy Z. Nowak is Rector of the University of Warsaw, Poland. As an inter- disciplinary economist with a PhD from the Warsaw School of Economics, he has written/â edited a number of books and many articles/â book chapters. Ruth Taplin holds a PhD in Economics from the London School of Economics and Political Science (LSE) and a Graduate Diploma in Law. She is the Founder/â Editor of the Interdisciplinary Journal of Economics and Business Law (IJEBL) and Director of the Centre for Japanese and East Asian Studies, London. As the first Routledge Featured Author in Asian Studies, she has written/â edited 24 books and more than 200 articles in respected, refereed journals and has written many book chapters. She was a con- sultant to the Federation of Electronics Industry, UK for nine years and specialises in Intellectual Property Rights, especially in East Asia.
- 18. List of Contributors xiii Chin-âBun Tse obtained his PhD in Finance from the University of Manchester and an MSc in Information Technology from Queen Mary University of London. His recent research topics include how the capital markets react to companiesâ announcements and disclosures, which can be examined by Natural Language Processing (NLP). Previously, this was done manu- ally and investment opportunities were often missed because of the slow manual process. He is Research Professor in Finance and Accounting at the Claude Littner Business School, University of West London. K. Vela Velupillai is a retired academic, living in Stockholm, Sweden. He was educated at the universities of Kyoto, Lund and Cambridge for the BE, MSocSc and PhD degrees, studying under Nicholas Kaldor and Richard Goodwin at the University of Cambridge for the latter. He has held tenured Fellowships and Professorships in the UK, the United States, Italy, Ireland, India and Mexico and published books with leading publishers and art- icles in respected, refereed journals. He has published with Routledge for many years. Emeritus Professor Velupillai is the founder of the field of Computable Economics. Paul Whiteside is a Fellow of the British Computer Society, a consultant, and Chief Technology Officer with a 25-â year career in technology at successful start-â ups, scale-â outs and large global companies. He has helped many businesses to effectively implement and scale technology, and deliver high-â value, technology-â enabled business change. He currently advises pri- vate equity investors on technology acquisitions, growth and value cre- ation strategies for their portfolio companies. He is currently a Senior Practitioner at Crosslake Technologies, London, UK.
- 19. Foreword How to Make Living Machines? Is Artificial Intelligence (AI) a serious threat to humanity? This question has been debated by Stephen Hawking, Niklas Boström and many other lumi- naries. However, no matter how much we debate this question, we cannot foresee whether AI will ultimately become a great threat to mankind. In the case of atomic bombs, responsibility lies more with the humans who use them than with the bombs themselves. But the marvel of AI represents a crisis that may exist independently of humans. It is free will and autonomous decision making that has not yet been realised in AI. But it is this autonomy that will determine the future of AI, and whether it will be a threat or a boon to humanity in a new sense. Although not as well-â known as AI, my research is in the field of Artificial Life (AL). In a nutshell, AL is an attempt to make birds by looking at birds, rather than making planes by looking at birds. Airplanes are convenient, they have significantly accelerated human interaction and have brought about eco- nomic growth. AI has facilitated this. However, airplanes can still fail, albeit less often these days. Even now, when I fly, I am sometimes a bit fearful. But what about birds, by comparison? A bird ââthat is, a living plane ââmight end up flying to San Diego on a whim when it was supposed to go to Los Angeles. This is very inconvenient for someone travelling in a hurry. Rushing to work is not for such living planes. That is why AI is for a busy society. But a bird, which is a living plane, will rarely fall. There is no doubt that birds are much safer vehicles when compared with airplanes. Living airplanes might even move more rapidly if encouraged to do so. This is because, unlike todayâs airplanes, the most important requirement for a bird is its own survival and relationship with other living creatures. In other words, to create a living machine, that is what AL is all about. There is a sense of trustfulness, unlike AI. Life does not die of its own accord. In other words, the fear that AI will become autonomous ââthat is, that it will act freely and free from human control, that it will take away peopleâs jobs, and that it will eventually drive humanity out of existence ââis not justified. AL is directed first towards oneself, towards self-â preservation and homeo- stasis, but it does not attack people. As will be introduced in Ruthâs book,
- 20. Foreword xv I am now developing a living robot. A living robot must have a mind installed, and the mind emanates through interaction with people. Todayâs robots are yet to become life. Why did Professor Rodney Brooks ask in Nature in 20011 : Are we missing something? Perhaps the model for building a robot is too simple? Maybe the computational power is not good enough? Or do we require a fundamental theory, after quantum mechanics and chaos, that we donât know about yet? What is the last drop, the last drop that is necessary for AI to become life? I call it Brooksâ Juice, after Professor Brooks, and AL is a journey to find this Brooksâ Juice. What we have come up with is the contagion of the mind. If it is possible to transmit the mind from human to robot, it will become a chain from robot to robot. The mind is contagious through change, just as a newborn child first imitates its mother, but after a certain point, the mind changes from imita- tion to its own unique movement, a process I have termed an offloaded mind. Consciousness that is like a personâs is contagious from person to person. Thatâs what it takes to build a living machine. Michael Tomasello,2 a devel- opmental psychologist, asked the question, âDo apes ape?â Apes can imitate otherâs behaviour, but they do not ape the style of the behaviour. They imitate the goal of the action, not the process. Imitation of process is not a question of what to do, but how to do it. Yet, apes raised by people are different. When we think of the fear of AI, there is the fear of not being able to see the mechanism of the machine. We are afraid of the black box. We donât know what it will do. But we are not generally afraid of human beings, who through capricious behaviour are a much worse black box. No, actually, even humans are still afraid of people they have never met before. But as we live together, we become less afraid. Paradoxically, people love and cherish other people because they are black boxes. Maybe thatâs the point. An AI where we can predict the action cannot be a friend. It becomes a slave. That is because it cannot love. An AI with a heart will be loved, and the world will move towards a new state of symbiosis with different living machines. There is a difference between a mind that does not know what it is and a black box that simply does not know how it works. In fact, the difference may be subtle. This book can help you to understand the difference. Professor Takashi Ikegami Professor at the Department of General Systems Sciences at the University of Tokyo, Japan Notes 1 âThe Relationship between Matter and Lifeâ, Rodney Brooks, Nature, Vol. 409 (2001), pp. 409ââ 411. 2 âDo Apes Ape?â, M. Tomasello, in C. M. Heynes and B. G. Galef, Jr (eds), Social Learning in Animals: The Roots of Culture (Academic Press, 1996), pp. 319ââ 346. newgenprepdf
- 21. Random documents with unrelated content Scribd suggests to you:
- 25. The Project Gutenberg eBook of Baled Hay: A Drier Book than Walt Whitman's Leaves o' Grass
- 26. This ebook is for the use of anyone anywhere in the United States and most other parts of the world at no cost and with almost no restrictions whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included with this ebook or online at www.gutenberg.org. If you are not located in the United States, you will have to check the laws of the country where you are located before using this eBook. Title: Baled Hay: A Drier Book than Walt Whitman's Leaves o' Grass Author: Bill Nye Illustrator: Frederick Burr Opper Release date: December 15, 2015 [eBook #50699] Most recently updated: October 22, 2024 Language: English Credits: Produced by David Widger from page images generously provided by the Internet Archive *** START OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK BALED HAY: A DRIER BOOK THAN WALT WHITMAN'S LEAVES O' GRASS ***
- 27. BALED HAY
- 28. By Bill Nye A Drier Book than Walt Whitman's Leaves o' Grass. Author of Bill Nye and Boomerang, Forty Liars and Other Lies, Goose-Neck Smith, How Came Your Eye Out, and Your Nose Not Skun? Etc., Etc., Etc. Heap cold day when Melican man no lite em blook.âAH SIN.
- 29. Illustrated by F. Opper, of Puck Chicago. New York, San Francisco: Belford, Clarke Co 1884 Original
- 31. CONTENTS DEDICATION. BALED HAY GREELEY AID RUM. ABOUT SAW MILLS. EXPERIMENTS WITH OLD CHEESE. THE RAG-CARPET. ONE KIND OF A BOY.
- 32. THE CHAMPION MEAN MAN. FRATERNAL SPARRING. CHIPETA'S ADDRESS TO THE UTES. BILL NYE'S CAT. AUTUMN THOUGHTS. THE MAN WHO INTERRUPTS. THE ROCKY MOUKTAIN COW. PRESERVING EGGS. HUMAN' NATURE ON THE HALF-SHELL. TOO CONTIGUOUS. THE AMENDE HONORABLE. JOAQUIN AND JUNIATA. SOME VAGUE THOUGHTS. THE YOUMORIST. MY CABINET. HEALTH FOOD. PINES FOE HIS OLD HOME ONE TOUCH OF NATURE. HOW TO PUT UP A STOVE-PIPE. FUN OF BEING A PUBLISHER. LINGERIE. FRUIT.
- 33. THE BONE OF CONTENTION. CONGRATULATORY. THE AGONY IS OVER. OSTRICH CAVALRY. AN ELECTRIC BELT. THE ANNUAL WAIL HE WAS NOT A BURGLAR. BEST ON, BLESSED MEMORY. GENIUS AND WHISKY. THE TWO-HEADED GIRL THE CULTIVATION OF GUM. WE HAVE REASONED IT OUT. CARVING SCHOOLS. DIGNITY. ALWAYS BOOM AT THE TOP. INACCURATE. THE WESTERN CHAP. AN INCIDENT OF THE CAMPAIGN. WHY DO THEY DO IT? TWO STYLES. GOSHALLHEMLOCK SALVE. THE STAGE BALD-HEAD.
- 34. FATHERLY WORDS. THE GOOD TIME COMING. MANIA FOR MARKING CLOTHES. REGARDING THE NOSE. SOMETHING TOO MUCH OF THIS. COLOR BLINDNESS. IS DUELING MURDER? HEAP GONE. THE EDITORIAL LAMP. DIFFICULT TO IDENTIFY. THE MAROON SAUSAGE. TESTIMONIALS OF REGARD. THE CHINESE COMPOSITOR SNOWED UNDER ROUGH ON OSCAR. THE POSTAL CARD. WHY WE ARE NOT GAY. SCIENTIFIC. THE REVELATION RACKET IN UTAH. SAGE BRUSH TONIC. LAME FROM HIS BERTH. THE PUBLIC PRINTER.
- 35. SAD DESTRUCTION. THE IMMEDIATE REVOLTER THE SECRET OF HEALTH. HOUSEHOLD RECIPES. WHAT IS LITERATURE? THE PREVIOUS HOTEL. ANECDOTE OF SPOTTED TAIL. THE ZEALOUS VOTER. HOW TO PRESERVE TEETH MR. BEECHER'S BRAIN. OH, NO! THE MARCH OF CIVILIZATION. AN UNCLOUDED WELCOME. THE PILLOW-SHAM HOLDER. SOMETHING FRESH. YANKED TO ETERNITY. WHY WE SHED THE SCALDING. ANOTHER SUGGESTION. PISCATORIAL AND EDITORIAL ANOTHER FEATHERED SONGSTER ABOUT THE OSTRICH TOO MUCH GOD AND NO FLOUR.
- 36. WE ARE GETTING CYNICAL ASK US SOMETHING DIFFICULT. THE MIMIC STAGE. DECLINE OF AMERICAN HUMOR CHICAGO CUSTOM HOUSE FOREIGN OPINION THEY HAVE CURBED THEIR WOE. HUNG BY REQUEST. THE MELVILLES. MENDING BROKEN NECKS. ARE YOU A MORMON? CAUTION. POISONS AND THEIR ANECDOTES. CORRESPONDENCE. WHAT THE DEMOCRATIC PARTY NEEDS. TABLE MANNERS OF CHILDREN. WHAT IT MEANT. VOTERS IN UTAH. INCONGRUITY RIDING DOWN A MOUNTAIN. CORRALED HIM. FIRMNESS.
- 37. PUT IN A SUMP. MINING AS A SCIENCE DRAWBACKS OF ROYALTY. ENGLISH HUMOR ABOUT THE AUTOPSY. DON'T LIKE OUR STYLE. MR. T. WILSON. ETIQUETTE OF THE NAPKIN AN INFERNAL MACHINE. THE CODFISH. HIS AGED MOTHER. BUSINESS LETTERS. DANGER OF GARDENING.
- 38. DEDICATION. TO MY WIFE: Who has courteously and heroically laughed at my feeble and emaciated jokes, even when she did not feel like it; who has again and again started up and agitated successfully the flagging and reluctant applause, who has courageously held my coat through this trying ordeal, and who, even now, as I write this, is in the front yard warning people to keep off the premises until I have another lucid interval, This Volume is Affectionately Inscribed, BY THE AUTHOR. PIAZZA TO THE THIRD VOLUME. There can really be no excuse for this last book of trite and beautiful sayings. I do not attempt, in any way, to palliate this great wrong. I would not do so even if I had an idea what palliate meant. It will, however, add one more to the series of books for which I am to blame, and the pleasure of travel will be very much enhanced, for me, at least. There is one friend I always meet on the trains when I travel. He is the news agent. He comes to me with my own books in his arms, and tells me over and over again of their merits. He means it, too. What object could he have in coming to me, not knowing who I am,
- 39. and telling me of their great worth? Why would he talk that way to me if he did not really feel it? That is one reason I travel so much. When 1 get gloomy and heartsick, I like to get on a train and be assured once more, by a total stranger, that my books have never been successfully imitated. Some authors like to have a tall man, with a glazed grip-sack, and whose breath is stronger than his intellect, selling their works; but I do not prefer that way. I like the candor and ingenuousness of the train-boy. He does not come to the front door while you are at prayers, and ring the bell till the hat-rack falls down, and then try to sell you a book containing 2,000 receipts for the blind staggers. He leans gently over you as you look out the car window, and he puts some pecan meats in your hand, and thus wins your trusting heart. Then he sells you a book, and takes an interest in you. This book will go to swell the newsboy's armful, and if there be any excuse, under the sun, for its publication, aside from the royalty; that is it. I have taken great care to thoroughly eradicate anything that would have the appearance of poetry in this work, and there is not a thought or suggestion contained in it that would soil the most delicate fabric. Do not read it all at once, however, in order to see whether he married the girl or not. Take a little at a time, and it will cure gloom on the similia simili-bus curanter principle. If you read it all at once, and it gives you the heaves, I am glad of it, and you deserve it. I will not bind myself to write the obituary of such people. Hudson, Wis., Sept, 5,1883.
- 40. I BALED HAY A NOVEL NOVELETTE NEVER wrote a novel, because I always thought it required more of a mashed-rasp-berry imagination than I could muster, but I was the business manager, once, for a year and a half, of a little two-bit novelette that has never been published. I now propose to publish it, because I cannot keep it to myself any longer. Allow me, therefore, to reminisce. Harry Bevans was an old schoolmate of mine in the days of and although Bevans was not his sure-enough name, it will answer for the purposes herein set forth. At the time of which I now speak he was more bashful than a book agent, and was trying to promote a cream-colored mustache and buff Donegals on the side. Suffice it to say that he was madly in love with Fanny Buttonhook, and too bashful to say so by telephone. Her name wasn't Buttonhook, but I will admit it for the sake of argument. Harry lived over at Kalamazoo, we will say, and Fanny at Oshkosh. These were not the exact names of the towns, but I desire to bewilder the public a little in order to avoid any harassing disclosures in the future. It is always well enough, I find, to deal gently will those who are alive and moderately muscular. Young Bevans was not specially afraid of old man Buttonhook, or his wife. He didn't dread the enraged parent worth a cent. He wasn't afraid of anybody under the cerulean dome, in fact, except Miss Buttonhook; but when she sailed down the main street, Harry lowered his colors and dodged into the first place he found open, whether it was a millinery store or a livery stable.
- 41. Once, in an unguarded moment, he passed so near her that the gentle south wind caught up the cherry ribbon that Miss Buttonhook wore at her throat, and slapped Mr. Bevans across the cheek with it before he knew what ailed him. There was a little vision of straw hat, brown hair, and pink-and-white cuticle, as it were, a delicate odor of violets, the swish of a summer silk, and my friend, Mr. Bevans, put his hand to his head, like a man who has a sun-stroke, and fell into a drug store and a state of wild mash, ruin and helpless chaos. His bashfulness was not seated nor chronic. It was the varioloid, and didn't hurt him only when Miss Buttonhook was present, or in sight. He was polite and chatty with other girls, and even dared to be blithe and gay sometimes, too, but when Frances loomed up in the distance, he would climb a rail fence nine feet high to evade her. He told me once that he wished I would erect the frame-work of a letter to Fanny, in which he desired to ask that he might open up a correspondence with her. He would copy and mail it, he said, and he was sure that I, being a disinterested party, would be perfectly calm. I wrote a letter for him, of which I was moderately proud. It would melt the point on a lightning rod, it seemed to me, for it was just as full of gentleness and poetic soothe as it could be, and Tupper, Webster's Dictionary and my scrap-book had to give down first rate. Still it was manly and square-toed. It was another man's confession, and I made it bulge out with frankness and candor. As luck would have it, I went over to Oshkosh about the time Harry's prize epistle reached that metropolis, and having been a confidant of Miss B's from early childhood, I had the pleasure of reading Bev's letter, and advising the young lady about the correspondence. Finally a bright thought struck her. She went over to an easy chair, and sat down on her foot, coolly proposing that I should outline a letter replying to Harry's, in a reserved and rather frigid manner, yet bidding him dare to hope that if his orthography and punctuation continued correct, he might write occasionally, though it must be
- 42. considered entirely sub rosa and abnormally entre nous on account of Pa. By the way, Pa was a druggist, and one of the salts of the earth âEpsom salts, of course. I agreed to write the letter, swore never to reveal the secret workings of the order, the grips, explanations, passwords and signals, and then wrote her a nice, demure, startled-fawn letter, as brief as the collar to a party dress, and as solemn as the Declaration of Independence. Then I said good-by, and returned to my own home, which was neither in Kalamazoo nor Oshkosh. There I received a flat letter from 'William Henry Bevans, inclosing one from Fanny, and asking for suggestions as to a reply. Her letter was in Miss Buttonhook's best vein. I remember having written it myself. Well, to cut a long story short, every other week I wrote a letter for Fanny, and on intervening weeks I wrote one for the lover at Kalamazoo. By keeping copies of all letters written, I had a record showing where I was, and avoided saying the same pleasant things twice. Thus the short, sweet summer scooted past. The weeks were filled with gladness, and their memory even now comes back to me, like a wood-violet-scented vision. A wood-violet-scented vision comes high, but it is necessary in this place. Toward winter the correspondence grew a little tedious, owing to the fact that I had a large, and tropical boil on the back of my neck, which refused to declare its intentions or come to a focus for three weeks. In looking over the letters of both lovers yesterday, I could tell by the tone of each just where this boil began to grow up, as it were, between two fond hearts. This feeling grew till the middle of December, when there was a red-hot quarrel. It was exciting and spirited, and after I had alternately flattered myself first from Kalamazoo and then from Oshkosh, it was a genuine luxury to have a row with myself through the medium of the United States mails.
- 43. Then I made up and got reconciled. I thought it would be best to secure harmony before the holidays so that Harry could go over to Oshkosh and spend Christmas. I therefore wrote a letter for Harry in which he said he had, no doubt, been hasty, and he was sorry. It should not occur again. The days had been like weary ages since their quarrel, he saidâvicariously, of courseâand the light had been shut out of his erstwhile joyous life. Death would be a luxury unless she forgave him, and Hades would be one long, sweet picnic and lawn festival unless she blessed him with her smile. You can judge how an old newspaper reporter, with a scarlet imagination, would naturally dash the color into another man's picture of humility and woe. She repliedâby proxyâthat he was not to blame. It was her waspish temper and cruel thoughtlessness. She wished he would come over and take dinner with them on Christmas day and she would tell him how sorry she was. When the man admits that he's a brute and the woman says she's sorry, it behooves the eagle eye of the casual spectator to look up into the blue sky for a quarter of an hour, till the reconciliation has had a chance and the brute has been given time to wipe a damp sob from his coat-collar. I was invited to the Christmas dinner. As a successful reversible amanuensis I thought I deserved it. I was proud and happy. I had passed through a lover's quarrel and sailed in with whitewinged peace on time, and now I reckoned that the second joint, with an irregular fragment of cranberry jelly, and some of the dressing, and a little of the white meat please, was nothing more than right. Mr. Bevans forgot to be bashful twice during the day, and even smiled once also. He began to get acquainted with Fanny after dinner, and praised her beautiful letters. She blushed clear up under her wave, and returned the compliment. That was natural. When he praised her letters I did not wonder, and when she praised his I admitted that she was eminently correct. I never witnessed better taste on the part of two young and trusting hearts.
- 44. After Christmas I thought they would both feel like buying a manual and doing their own writing, but they did not dare to do so evidently. They seemed to be afraid the change would be detected, so I piloted them into the middle of the succeeding fall, and then introduced the crisis into both their lives. It was a success. I felt about as well as though I were to be cut down myself, and married off in the very prime of life. Fanny wore the usual clothing adopted by young ladies who are about to be sacrificed to a great horrid man. I cannot give the exact description of her trousseau, but she looked like a hazel-eyed angel, with a freckle on the bridge of her nose. The groom looked a little scared, and moved his gloved hands as though they weighed twenty-one pounds apiece. However, it's all over now. I was up there recently to see them. They are quite happy. Not too happy, but just happy enough. They call their oldest son Birdie. I wanted them to call him William, but they were headstrong and named him Birdie. That wounded my pride, and so I called him Earlie Birdie.
- 45. W GREELEY AID RUM. HEN I visit Greeley I am asked over and over again as to the practical workings of woman suffrage in Wyoming, and when I go back to Wyoming I am asked how prohibition works practically in Greeley, Col. By telling varied and pleasing lies about both I manage to have a good deal of fun, and also keep the two elements on the anxious seat. There are two sides to both questions, and some day when I get time and have convalesced a little more, I am going to write a large book relating to these two matters. At present I just want to say a word about the colony which bears the name of the Tribune philosopher, and nestles so lovingly at the chilly feet of the Rocky mountains. As I write, Greeley is apparently an oasis in the desert. It looks like a fertile island dropped down from heaven in a boundless stretch of buffalo grass, sage hens and cunning little prairie dogs. And yet you could not come here as a stranger, and within the colonial barbed wire fence, procure a bite of cold rum if you were President of the United States, with a rattlesnake bite as large as an Easter egg concealed about your person. You can, however, become acquainted, if you are of a social nature and keep your eyes open. I do not say this because I have been thirsty these few past weeks and just dropped on the game, as Aristotle would say, but just to prove that men are like boys, and when you tell them they can't have any particular thing, that is the thing they are apt to desire with a feverish yearn. That is why the thirstful man in Maine drinks from the gas fixture; why the Kansas drinkist gets his out of a rain-water barrel, and why other miracles too numerous to mention are performed. Whisky is more bulky and annoying to carry about in the coat-tail pocket than a plug of tobacco, but there have been cases where it was successfully done. I was shown yesterday a little corner that
- 46. would hold six or eight bushels. It was in the wash-room of a hotel, and was about half full. So were the men who came there, for before night the entire place was filled with empty whisky bottles of every size, shape and smell. The little fat bottle with the odor of gin and livery stable was there, and the large flat bottle that you get at Evans, four miles away, generally filled with something that tastes like tincture of capsicum, spirits of ammonia and lingering death, is also represented in this great congress of cosmopolitan bottles sucked dry and the cork gnawed half up. When I came to Greeley, I was still following the course of treatment prescribed by my Laramie City physician, and with the rest, I was required to force down three adult doses of brandy per day. He used to taste the prescription at times to see if it had been properly compounded. Shortly after my arrival here I ran out of this remedy and asked a friend to go and get the bottle refilled. He was a man not familiar with Greeley in its moisture-producing capacity, and he was unable to procure the vile demon in the town for love or wealth. The druggist even did not keep it, and although he met crowds of men with tears in their eyes and breath like a veteran bung-starter, he had to go to Evans for the required opiate. This I use externally, now, on the vagrant dog who comes to me to be fondled and who goes away with his hair off. Central Colorado is full of partially bald dogs who have wiped their wet, cold noses on me, not wisely but too well.
- 47. I ABOUT SAW MILLS. River Falls, Wis., May 80. HAVE just returned from a trip up the North Wisconsin railway, where I went to catch a string of codfish, and anything else that might be contagious. The trip was a pleasant one and productive of great good in many ways. I am hardening myself to railway traveling, like Timberline Jones' man, so that I can stand the return journey to Laramie in July. Northern Wisconsin is the place where the foreign lumber comes from which we use in Laramie in the erection of our palatial residences. I visited the mill last week that furnished the lumber used in the Oasis hotel at Greeley. They yank a big wet log into that mill and turn it into cash as quick as a railroad man can draw his salary out of the pay car. The log is held on a carriage by means of iron dogs while it is being worked into lumber. These iron dogs are not like those we see on the front steps of a brown stone house occasionally. They are another breed of dogs.
- 48. The managing editor of the mill lays out the log in his mind, and works it into dimension stuff, shingle holts, slabs, edgings, two by fours, two by eights, two by sixes, etc., so as to use the goods to the best advantage, just as a woman takes a dress pattern and cuts it so she won't have to piece the front breadths, and will still have enough left to make a polonaise for the last-summer gown. I stood there for a long time watching the various saws and listening to their monotonous growl, and wishing that I had been born a successful timber thief instead of a poor boy without a rag to my back.
- 49. Welcome to our website â the perfect destination for book lovers and knowledge seekers. We believe that every book holds a new world, offering opportunities for learning, discovery, and personal growth. Thatâs why we are dedicated to bringing you a diverse collection of books, ranging from classic literature and specialized publications to self-development guides and children's books. More than just a book-buying platform, we strive to be a bridge connecting you with timeless cultural and intellectual values. With an elegant, user-friendly interface and a smart search system, you can quickly find the books that best suit your interests. Additionally, our special promotions and home delivery services help you save time and fully enjoy the joy of reading. Join us on a journey of knowledge exploration, passion nurturing, and personal growth every day! ebookbell.com