Building Resilience

Editor's Notes

• #2: Introduce ourselves When/how we became interested in resilience Reminder of session 2 date Working agreement on flipchart: confidential, all have something to learn and something to teach, aim for understanding not agreement, no shame or judgement, gizmos on silent Our intentions- not to make you feel guilty or lacking, just notice negative thoughts if they come.. Can’t stop you feeling what you feel
• #3: Counselling service for Abertay Effective communication workshop
• #5: Positive side effect- meeting a range of people from your workplace In a moment- we will stand up, move around, keep moving, then stop and pair up with someone you don’t know v well Whilst they talk- put up what we’ll cover today on flipchart sheet
• #6: Move around again- someone else Some of you will have had a think about this already 3-4 answers from group-still standing
• #7: Tree metaphor for human spirit Life happens- storms and wind come Trees do bend with the wind but hopefully don’t break- if they have deep roots Like trees we need storms/challenges to strengthen our resilience Individuals have different ways of building resilience
• #8: Syria architects e.g. from Action Aid leaflet- Born with an inner strength Hurricane Matthew ‘I stayed awake the entire night trying to stay updated and keeping in touch… the wind was so strong that my sister in law rushed from her room to mine. We lay on the bed and every time the wind blew we embraced one another tightly. The wind blew harder, the house shook faster and we knew we had to evacuate.’ ‘ I started looking around and it made me realise I was not the only one in this awful situation. That gave me the strength to collect myself… I urged people to share with one another… a little soap, rehydration tablets… by doing so we not only protect our neighbours, we also protect ourselves..’
• #9: P Harry As the bark grows over a damaged tree- you still see the mark And we retain or regain our sense of wellbeing despite negative events, emerging stronger and more confident
• #10: Who’s this? Why are we mentioning him? Life is like a box of chocolates..
• #11: Only 2 options- Act upon the world to change the problem OR act upon yourself and change your response Epictetus ( Stoic philosopher) How can a stoic stay calm and mentally strong in the midst of uncertainty and oppression? Not in our control: reputation, job, parents, friends, co-workers, boss, weather, economy, past, future, our health (to some extent) In our control: our beliefs- this small window is the basis for human autonomy and sovereignty. We have the power to choose our response, even in situations we have little control over  
• #12: Acceptance- (STOICS)- = ‘Taking what is offered’- not ‘Putting up with everything’ Serenity prayer- ‘ God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; courage to change the things I can; and wisdom to know the difference
• #13: Mum with MS- bereavement Marriage failed, Single parent, jobless, poor, - 7 years after graduating ‘ I was the biggest failure I knew’ Failure meant a stripping away of the inessential. I stopped pretending to myself that I was anything other than what I was, and began to direct all my energy to finishing the only work that mattered to me. Had I really succeeded at anything else, I might never have found the determination to succeed in the one area where I truly belonged. I was set free, because my greatest fear had been realized, and I was still alive, and I still had a daughter whom I adored, and I had an old typewriter, and a big idea. And so rock bottom became a solid foundation on which I rebuilt my life. – J. K. Rowling, "The fringe benefits of failure", 2008.  
• #14: temperament- inbuilt Learnable skills Brain plasticity A variety of ways to develop our resilience- some suit some people- some suit others
• #15: As with happiness, resilience has a genetic component- together with early experience- amounts to around 50% of variation- set range Set range varies from person to person- Circumstances- job, married, religion, social class, sleep well Voluntary- what we’ll look at today!
• #16: Person next to you Could be yourself Write on post –it When you’ve come up with something- stick it up!
• #17: Within the centre are things we can work on as individuals- what’s easiest for you?
• #18: Expenditure of energy One of quickest and most effective ways of improving mood- as effective as medication for depression and longer-lasting ‘NOT exercising is like taking depressants’ But an exercise habit is hard to get- we focus on the beginning discomfort and not how good we feel after Habit formation- Better than Before Quiz- 4 types Which one are you? Upholder-obey rules, meet self-imposed deadlines, follow NY resolutions Obliger- people turn to me for help- they know I will, I never keep NY resolutions, I’ll do something to be a good role model but not for myself Questioner- NY? Jan 1 is an arbitrary date- I need to make well reasoned decisions, always ask why? Rebel- I wont cage myself in, I have the impulse to refuse requests, I enjoy a challenge on MY terms STOP technique- handout- let’s have ago
• #19: Wonderwoman Ted talk Fake it till you make it Change posture for 2 mins- has a powerful effect on how we feel about ourselves Esp useful in situations where you’re being evaluated
• #20: On their own- option to share Emotional management- Works well- expend energy, PEP talk, relaxation, meditation, music, distraction, FLOW, nature, social interaction Not so well- avoidance, drugs, food alcohol, passive ( TV), time alone unless
• #21: PROPS Changing thinking patterns works if you’re relaxed physically The trick is to start NOTICING how you’re thinking While I’m talking think of some personal e.g.s
• #22: Dinner with people I didn’t know well- my meal went wrong, my conversation wasn’t sparkling… OR blames someone else-people usually do one or the other Notice when you catastrophise and generalise- ‘that’s ruined the day..’ Turn to the person next to you- and come up with an example form any point in your life when you’ve thought in one of these ways
• #23: Other people have been through this.. They may like me anyway Can you rethink your example when you thought like fragile goose – how would puffle think? With same person next to you This is your teaching opportunity- to help others.
• #24: Conscious disputing What’s the evidence? Is there an alternative explanation? are there hidden benefits? What’s going to be useful/helpful to me?
• #25: Challenge yourself out of your comfort zone, in a safe way My e.g. public speaking- from avoidance- eventually- to enjoyment Future challenges become less daunting
• #28: 3 blessings or 3 good things exercise Lastingly increases happiness and decreases depression Counteracts the natural tendency of our minds to jump to the negative Think of 3 things that went well today, write them down, and your own part in them- can be small- ‘ I noticed that the sky was blue..’ One a week for 6 months, or daily for a week- don’t let it become a chore! Eventually becomes a habit of mind
• #30: Remind them what we talked about
• #31: On handouts- Think of today as a buffet we've laid out For you, what’s is one thing, one action you’ll take from what we talked about today : to stop doing, to start doing, to continue doing Is it specific etc? Can you agree it with someone else? You need to want to do it
• #32: I invite you to share with someone- Esp if you’re an obliger If you like, tell us what you’re going to do
• #34: Action plan- how did you get on? Can you learn from it even if you didn’t do it? Stick up ground rules again What we did last time and add for today
• #35: Resilience not just a quality of individuals, but of groups, teams, organisations, even towns, countries We are social beings- we need each other and isolation- or perceived- damages mental and physical health Connectedness- you belong, matter, are known, liked..
• #36: In 3’s or 4’s Note on separate post it’s – attitudes, actions, words Flip chart Talk through what people have posted
• #39: Celebrate success.. At the beginning of meetings At special times.. celebrations A chance to express gratitude to each other- gratitude slideshow Sets a positive tone to a challenging meeting Why? Does it say something general and lasting about the person ( generous, thoughtful , friendly?) or team ( we stay positive, we have a laugh, we’re friendly, we solve problems well) Lets have a go….
• #40: Not about being best friends with everyone- but is about having a friendly attitude, which creates a sense of belonging not isolation in a team or group- e.g. greet one another warmly, be welcoming to newcomers and visitors, make sure no-one is excluded from the main group, take a friendly interest in one another and notice if someone seems anxious or unhappy, notice when someone needs help and try to help them …individuals and their lives matter We know friendliness and interest are important- what are some of the reasons we don’t always practice them? Collaboration on meaningful work brings about better results, builds our relationships, adds meaning to our working day- we need to look for opportunities to work with a range of colleagues Don’t underestimate the power of positive emotion Humour- human brains seem to be ‘pre-wired’ be evolution to laugh humans suffer emotional pain in unbearable circumstances and laughter helps people to cope better at such times humans need to live together in large groups, and humour helps to build relationships and offset the hostility that can develop so that we can live in relative peace with each other. ‘black’ humour can sometimes build resilience by creating a bit of distance A confidant-a person we can be honest with, check things out with, who’s honest back, can offer us challenge when needed- is crucial in difficult times-provides emotional support and empathy, can help with reality checking/rational thinking- individual differences in how robust we want our confidant to be! Where to find?
• #41: Those micro moments when we feel genuinely ‘in tune’ with someone, build our openness, flexibility, meet our basic need to connect-Small fleeting but frequent moments of warmth and positivity with others ( whether we know them well or not) build our resilience over time- when we feel in tune, that we’ve shared an idea, a thought , a joke- these moments aren’t trivial and unimportant , but essential for our wellbeing- remember we’re hardwired to perceive threats, notice what’s wrong- we need to actively counteract that tendency – 3:1 Good news exercise, Groups of 5, one person to share a genuine piece of good news they’ve had recently with the others in the group, Others respond in these ways: Active Constructive Active destructive Passive destructive Passive Constructive Only active constructive responding strengthens relationship over time