Changing Beliefs
 1886 - Freud began therapeutic practice and
  research in Vienna.
 1911 - Alfred Adler

 1913 - Carl Jung

 1942 - Carl Rogers

 1951 The seminal work of Gestalt Therapy is

  published Fritz Perls
 1952 - The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of
  Mental Disorders (DSM)
 1953 - B.F. Skinner
 1954 - Abraham Maslow
 1957 - Albert Ellis
 1967 - Aaron Beck
 1968 - DSM II published
Changing beliefs
   1930 to 1963
   1929 to 1932 - Three marital clinics opened; they were
    service and education oriented, and saw mostly
    individuals
   The closest thing to theory was what was borrowed
    from psychoanalytic - interlocking neurosis
   1931 the first marital therapy paper was published
   Theory was marginalized due to a lack of brilliant
    theorists, and a lack of distinction from individual
    analysis
 1931 to 1966
 Mostly individual sessions, but some conjoint; still

  treated like seeing two individual clients in the
  same room though
 Some started to downplay the role of the therapist

 Family was outshining couples work, and the

  couple techniques weren't innovative or
  particularly effective
 1963 to 1985
 Family therapy overpowers couples, even though

  a number of big name people really mostly saw
  couples
 Jackson- Coined concepts like quid pro quo,

  homeostasis, and double bind for conjoint therapy
 Satir - Coined naming roles members played,

  fostered self-esteem and actualization, and saw
  the therapist as a nurturing teacher
   Bowen - Multigenerational theory approach, with
    differentiation, triangulation, and projection processes,
    with the therapist as an anxiety-lowering coach -
    societal projection process was the forerunner of our
    modern awareness of cultural differences
   Haley - Power and control (or love and connection)
    were key. Avoided insight, emotional catharsis,
    conscious power plays. Saw system as more, and
    more important, than the sum of the parts
   1986 to present
   New Theories were tried and refined, like Behavioral
    Marital Therapy, Emotionally Focused Therapy, and
    Insight-Oriented Marital Therapy.
   Couples therapy was used to treat depression,
    anxiety, and alcoholism.
   Efforts were focused on preventing couples problems
    with programs like PREP
   Feminism, Multiculturalism, and Post-Modernism
    impacted the field
   Eclectic integration, brief therapy, and sex therapy
    ideas were incorporated as well into our work.
   As early as 1960, Gurin, Veroff, and Feld found
    that over 40% of all people seeking psychological
    help viewed the nature of their problem as marital.

   Manus argued in 1966 that couples counseling
    was a “technique in search of a theory” with little
    conceptual clarity in evidence (Jacobson &
    Gurman, 1995).
 Olson (1970), the field’s first chronicler, referred to
  marital therapy as a “youngster” which had “not
  yet developed a solid theoretical base nor tested
  its major assumptions and principles.”
 Six years later he wrote, the field was “no longer

  in its infancy” and was “showing signs of
  maturing,” although it “appeared like an
  adolescent, full of undirected energy.”
   1970’s – 1980’s
    ◦ Family counseling “killed marriage counseling” and did
      not see it as independent, different, or important.
    ◦ This time period was seen as “family therapy’s golden
      age.”
 Even in the early 1980’s couples counseling
  struggled to have a place.
 Haley (1984) put it, “marriage counseling did not

  seem relevant to the developing family therapy
  field.”
 It was seen that marriage counselors adopted the

  ideas of other therapies rather than developing
  their own.
 Going back to the mid 1960’s to mid 1980’s only a
  few new models appeared and only a handful of
  important texts appeared.
 By the mid-1980’s, couple therapy had reasserted

  its existence and established what would become
  more sustained theory development and empirical
  research.
 1986 was the beginning of couple therapy’s fourth

  and current phase.
 1940’s only 5% of marriage counseling met
  conjointly
 1950’s rose to 9%

 1960’s increased to 15%

 Not until 1970’s did conjoint therapy become the

  predominant technique of couples counseling.
 1965 George Bach published “the intimate enemy”
  which was a new approach to couples’ therapy.
 Problem was that people needed to air their anger

  rather than suppress it
 Expressing resentments would be a catharsis that

  would clear the air
 Partners took turns airing their resentments
   We now know that there is no catharsis effect in
    voicing anger and that Back’s procedure only built
    resentment.
   Quid Pro Quo
    ◦ A good relationship is based on reciprocating positive
      behaviors and that a bad marriage is caused by a
      breakdown of this contract.
   Contingency contracting “give to get”
    ◦ Each person would identify what behaviors they wanted
      to get from the other
    ◦ Counselor would help couple to write a contract for the
      exchange of desired behaviors.
 1977 Murstein found that a reciprocity concept
  was a hallmark of an ailing relationship…not a
  happy one.
 People became “affective accountants” when a

  relationship wasn’t working well.
    ◦ “I did this for her, and she never reciprocated.”
   When the relationship goes well, they don’t think
    of this contingency.
 Goal was to have couple identify their problem
  and them help resolve them.
 Therapist was seen as “super problem-solver”

 Could start anywhere and teach a specific set of

  relationship skills
 Belief was that when specific skills were taught all

  conflicts would be solved.
 Focus on resolution of conflict is misguided.
 Gottman’s research revealed that most conflict

  (69%) in relationships is perpetual.
    ◦ Based on lasting differences in personalities and needs.
 Couples need to dialogue about perpetual issues
  or live in a state of ‘gridlock’
 Goal is to manage conflicts rather than resolve

  them.
 Focus on teaching skills
 System therapists taught:

    ◦ Avoiding mindreading, establishing clear feedback loops,
      being able to meta-communicate about double binding
      messages.
   Rogerian and behavior therapists taught:
    ◦ Active listening to one another
 If you teach skills, these are what need to be
  taught.
 In happy, lasting relationships:

    ◦ The approach toward conflict is gentle.
    ◦ Partners soften the way they bring up an issue
    ◦ Partners accept influence from one another
    ◦ Relationships have a 5:1 ratio of positive to negative
      affect during conflict
    ◦ Consistently communicate acceptance of one another
   In happy, lasting relationships:
    ◦ They keep their level of physiological arousal low
    ◦ They pre-empt negativity in the interaction
    ◦ They repair the interaction and de-escalate if it does
      become negative
    ◦ They move gently toward compromise
   In relationships that are ailing and failing:
    ◦ There is either an escalation of negative affect,
    ◦ a lack of positive affect,
    ◦ or a state of emotional disengagement
   Assumed all conflicts were alike
   Some conflicts are real deal-breakers
    ◦ These conflicts contain ‘hidden agenda’
    ◦ Partners have the same argument over and over
    ◦ Positions are embedded with deep personal meaning so
      that compromise seems completely unthinkable
   Need to help couples talk about deeper meaning
    ◦ Freedom, power, love, and justice
 1970s therapy had a strong behavioral and
  cognitive base.
 Therapist was the rational and calm one.

 Couple was viewed as emotional and out of

  control.
 Following Bowen’s ideas, our job was to help the

  couple control their feelings.
 Bowen believed that the partners would control
  their emotion using reason.
 The counselor was assisting each partner’s

  cerebral cortex in gaining dominance over the
  primitive limbic system.
 It was emotion versus reason, and reason should

  win.
 Goal was supporting the process of evolution.
 Bowen’s views about the brain and emotion
  versus reason are wrong.
 In the brain there is an integration of emotion and

  reason
 Without emotion, problems do not get solved very

  well.
 Emotion, prioritizing figure from ground, and the

  intuitive ‘sense of the matter’ are essential in
  problem solving.
 People are not rational decision makers.
 Expressing emotion does not mean being ‘out of

  control’.
 Emotion is central to the understanding and

  treatment of couples’ relationships.
 Gottman’s research shows that the nature of

  emotional interaction predicts what happens to a
  relationship.
 Affect is not the problem; it is central for
  understanding, compassion, and change.
 We need to become the expert on emotion, and

  on helping couples establish emotional
  connection.
   Bowen believed the goal was to help partners
    become less ‘enmeshed’ and more ‘differentiated.’
 Dependency is now legitimate in relationships.
 Based on attachment theory, the partners are no

  longer seen as either dependent or independent.
 Dependency is seen as either effective or

  ineffective.
 Believed that couples needed to reduce negative
  affect and build positive affect.
 Goal of therapy was to help couples schedule

  ‘love days’ designed to increase positive behavior
  between partners.
 Building positive affect both during conflict and in
  everyday interaction is essential to ensure lasting
  change.
 ‘Love days’ didn’t change positive affect during

  conflict.
 To increase positive affect, need to focus on

  improving both the couple’s friendship and secure
  attachment.
   Assumed that if we dealt with conflict, the positive
    affect systems would be activated automatically.
 Positive affect systems must be build and
  maintained intentionally as part of therapy
 To build positive affect and secure attachment,

  couples need to work on
    ◦ turning toward bids for emotional connection,
    ◦ building emotional intimacy, and
    ◦ building positive affect systems such as
      courtship, romance, lust, sex,
      play, fun, and adventure
   Growing awareness that good friendship, positive
    affect systems, and constructive conflict need to
    be supplemented by building the couple’s shared
    meaning system.
   Couples need to identify and communicate
    ◦   their sense of purpose,
    ◦   the meaning of how they move through time together,
    ◦   their priorities and values,
    ◦   what they hold to be sacred
    ◦   their goals and missions, ethics, morality,
    ◦   philosophy of life and religion
    ◦    their legacy from their families and culture
         Goal is to build an existential base to their lives

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Changing beliefs

  • 2.  1886 - Freud began therapeutic practice and research in Vienna.  1911 - Alfred Adler  1913 - Carl Jung  1942 - Carl Rogers  1951 The seminal work of Gestalt Therapy is published Fritz Perls
  • 3.  1952 - The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM)  1953 - B.F. Skinner  1954 - Abraham Maslow  1957 - Albert Ellis  1967 - Aaron Beck  1968 - DSM II published
  • 5. 1930 to 1963  1929 to 1932 - Three marital clinics opened; they were service and education oriented, and saw mostly individuals  The closest thing to theory was what was borrowed from psychoanalytic - interlocking neurosis  1931 the first marital therapy paper was published  Theory was marginalized due to a lack of brilliant theorists, and a lack of distinction from individual analysis
  • 6.  1931 to 1966  Mostly individual sessions, but some conjoint; still treated like seeing two individual clients in the same room though  Some started to downplay the role of the therapist  Family was outshining couples work, and the couple techniques weren't innovative or particularly effective
  • 7.  1963 to 1985  Family therapy overpowers couples, even though a number of big name people really mostly saw couples  Jackson- Coined concepts like quid pro quo, homeostasis, and double bind for conjoint therapy  Satir - Coined naming roles members played, fostered self-esteem and actualization, and saw the therapist as a nurturing teacher
  • 8. Bowen - Multigenerational theory approach, with differentiation, triangulation, and projection processes, with the therapist as an anxiety-lowering coach - societal projection process was the forerunner of our modern awareness of cultural differences  Haley - Power and control (or love and connection) were key. Avoided insight, emotional catharsis, conscious power plays. Saw system as more, and more important, than the sum of the parts
  • 9. 1986 to present  New Theories were tried and refined, like Behavioral Marital Therapy, Emotionally Focused Therapy, and Insight-Oriented Marital Therapy.  Couples therapy was used to treat depression, anxiety, and alcoholism.  Efforts were focused on preventing couples problems with programs like PREP  Feminism, Multiculturalism, and Post-Modernism impacted the field  Eclectic integration, brief therapy, and sex therapy ideas were incorporated as well into our work.
  • 10. As early as 1960, Gurin, Veroff, and Feld found that over 40% of all people seeking psychological help viewed the nature of their problem as marital.  Manus argued in 1966 that couples counseling was a “technique in search of a theory” with little conceptual clarity in evidence (Jacobson & Gurman, 1995).
  • 11.  Olson (1970), the field’s first chronicler, referred to marital therapy as a “youngster” which had “not yet developed a solid theoretical base nor tested its major assumptions and principles.”  Six years later he wrote, the field was “no longer in its infancy” and was “showing signs of maturing,” although it “appeared like an adolescent, full of undirected energy.”
  • 12. 1970’s – 1980’s ◦ Family counseling “killed marriage counseling” and did not see it as independent, different, or important. ◦ This time period was seen as “family therapy’s golden age.”
  • 13.  Even in the early 1980’s couples counseling struggled to have a place.  Haley (1984) put it, “marriage counseling did not seem relevant to the developing family therapy field.”  It was seen that marriage counselors adopted the ideas of other therapies rather than developing their own.
  • 14.  Going back to the mid 1960’s to mid 1980’s only a few new models appeared and only a handful of important texts appeared.  By the mid-1980’s, couple therapy had reasserted its existence and established what would become more sustained theory development and empirical research.  1986 was the beginning of couple therapy’s fourth and current phase.
  • 15.  1940’s only 5% of marriage counseling met conjointly  1950’s rose to 9%  1960’s increased to 15%  Not until 1970’s did conjoint therapy become the predominant technique of couples counseling.
  • 16.  1965 George Bach published “the intimate enemy” which was a new approach to couples’ therapy.  Problem was that people needed to air their anger rather than suppress it  Expressing resentments would be a catharsis that would clear the air  Partners took turns airing their resentments
  • 17. We now know that there is no catharsis effect in voicing anger and that Back’s procedure only built resentment.
  • 18. Quid Pro Quo ◦ A good relationship is based on reciprocating positive behaviors and that a bad marriage is caused by a breakdown of this contract.  Contingency contracting “give to get” ◦ Each person would identify what behaviors they wanted to get from the other ◦ Counselor would help couple to write a contract for the exchange of desired behaviors.
  • 19.  1977 Murstein found that a reciprocity concept was a hallmark of an ailing relationship…not a happy one.  People became “affective accountants” when a relationship wasn’t working well. ◦ “I did this for her, and she never reciprocated.”  When the relationship goes well, they don’t think of this contingency.
  • 20.  Goal was to have couple identify their problem and them help resolve them.  Therapist was seen as “super problem-solver”  Could start anywhere and teach a specific set of relationship skills  Belief was that when specific skills were taught all conflicts would be solved.
  • 21.  Focus on resolution of conflict is misguided.  Gottman’s research revealed that most conflict (69%) in relationships is perpetual. ◦ Based on lasting differences in personalities and needs.  Couples need to dialogue about perpetual issues or live in a state of ‘gridlock’  Goal is to manage conflicts rather than resolve them.
  • 22.  Focus on teaching skills  System therapists taught: ◦ Avoiding mindreading, establishing clear feedback loops, being able to meta-communicate about double binding messages.  Rogerian and behavior therapists taught: ◦ Active listening to one another
  • 23.  If you teach skills, these are what need to be taught.  In happy, lasting relationships: ◦ The approach toward conflict is gentle. ◦ Partners soften the way they bring up an issue ◦ Partners accept influence from one another ◦ Relationships have a 5:1 ratio of positive to negative affect during conflict ◦ Consistently communicate acceptance of one another
  • 24. In happy, lasting relationships: ◦ They keep their level of physiological arousal low ◦ They pre-empt negativity in the interaction ◦ They repair the interaction and de-escalate if it does become negative ◦ They move gently toward compromise
  • 25. In relationships that are ailing and failing: ◦ There is either an escalation of negative affect, ◦ a lack of positive affect, ◦ or a state of emotional disengagement
  • 26. Assumed all conflicts were alike
  • 27. Some conflicts are real deal-breakers ◦ These conflicts contain ‘hidden agenda’ ◦ Partners have the same argument over and over ◦ Positions are embedded with deep personal meaning so that compromise seems completely unthinkable  Need to help couples talk about deeper meaning ◦ Freedom, power, love, and justice
  • 28.  1970s therapy had a strong behavioral and cognitive base.  Therapist was the rational and calm one.  Couple was viewed as emotional and out of control.  Following Bowen’s ideas, our job was to help the couple control their feelings.
  • 29.  Bowen believed that the partners would control their emotion using reason.  The counselor was assisting each partner’s cerebral cortex in gaining dominance over the primitive limbic system.  It was emotion versus reason, and reason should win.  Goal was supporting the process of evolution.
  • 30.  Bowen’s views about the brain and emotion versus reason are wrong.  In the brain there is an integration of emotion and reason  Without emotion, problems do not get solved very well.  Emotion, prioritizing figure from ground, and the intuitive ‘sense of the matter’ are essential in problem solving.
  • 31.  People are not rational decision makers.  Expressing emotion does not mean being ‘out of control’.  Emotion is central to the understanding and treatment of couples’ relationships.  Gottman’s research shows that the nature of emotional interaction predicts what happens to a relationship.
  • 32.  Affect is not the problem; it is central for understanding, compassion, and change.  We need to become the expert on emotion, and on helping couples establish emotional connection.
  • 33. Bowen believed the goal was to help partners become less ‘enmeshed’ and more ‘differentiated.’
  • 34.  Dependency is now legitimate in relationships.  Based on attachment theory, the partners are no longer seen as either dependent or independent.  Dependency is seen as either effective or ineffective.
  • 35.  Believed that couples needed to reduce negative affect and build positive affect.  Goal of therapy was to help couples schedule ‘love days’ designed to increase positive behavior between partners.
  • 36.  Building positive affect both during conflict and in everyday interaction is essential to ensure lasting change.  ‘Love days’ didn’t change positive affect during conflict.  To increase positive affect, need to focus on improving both the couple’s friendship and secure attachment.
  • 37. Assumed that if we dealt with conflict, the positive affect systems would be activated automatically.
  • 38.  Positive affect systems must be build and maintained intentionally as part of therapy  To build positive affect and secure attachment, couples need to work on ◦ turning toward bids for emotional connection, ◦ building emotional intimacy, and ◦ building positive affect systems such as  courtship, romance, lust, sex,  play, fun, and adventure
  • 39. Growing awareness that good friendship, positive affect systems, and constructive conflict need to be supplemented by building the couple’s shared meaning system.
  • 40. Couples need to identify and communicate ◦ their sense of purpose, ◦ the meaning of how they move through time together, ◦ their priorities and values, ◦ what they hold to be sacred ◦ their goals and missions, ethics, morality, ◦ philosophy of life and religion ◦ their legacy from their families and culture  Goal is to build an existential base to their lives