Communication and Body Language

By : Moustafa El-hadidi – MIM
www.vita-ct.com
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Course Objectives
 Body language.
 Basic idea about communication process.
 Improving communication skills.
 The Five Techniques To Master Communication.
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1.Body Language
 During our life we all use body language
all the time without knowing or realizing
it.
 Example : When a child has had enough to
eat, he turns his head from side to side, to
stop his parents from feeding him.
 Example: “Shoulder Shrug” is something
we do when we don’t know or understand
what the person is talking about.
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Shoulder Shrug Gesture

1.1 Palm Gesture
 An open palm is associated with “truth”.
 People use two basic palm positions:
1-Palm facing upwards.
2-Palm facing down.
 Examples:
1-When a child is lying or counseling
something his palms are hidden behind
his back.
2-When a husband is concealing his
whereabouts from his wife, he hides his
palms in his pockets or in an arm folder
position when explaining where he was.
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Palm facing upwards

 One of the most irritating palm gestures one can use when
speaking is “Pointed Finger”.
 If you are a habitual finger pointer, try practicing the palm up
and palm down position where it will create a more relaxed
attitude and have more positive effect on other people.
 Another huge mistake we make when arguing or having a
conversation is waving our hands or waving it fanatically.
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Pointed Finger Gesture
1.1 Palm Gesture

1.2 Hand and Arm gestures
 We use all the time hand and arm gestures, to express our
feelings of happiness, frustration..etc
 Hands Clenched Together Reflects :
-Confidence.
-Frustration.
 This gesture has 3 main positions:
1-Hands clenched in front of the face.
2-Hands resting on the desk.
3-Hands resting on lap or placed in front of the crotch when
standing.
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7
Hands clenched in
front of the face
Hands resting on the
desk
Hands in front
of the crotch

 Steeping hands: reflects positive / negative according to the
circumstances.
 This gesture has two versions :
1-The raised steeple : is normally taken when the steepler is
giving his opinion or idea and is doing all the talk.
2-Lowerd steeple position: used when the steepler is listening
rather than speaking.
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Raised Steeple lowered steeple

 When the raised steeple position is used and the head is tilted
back, the person is assumed to be arrogant.
 The following is an example of how the steeple hands can be
used in positive & negative way.
 A salesman shows the buyer the solution to his problem, the
sales man has been given a cue to close the sales, asks for the
order and expect to get it.
On the other hand if the steeple gesture is followed by a series of
negative gestures such as arm folding, looking away, and the
buyer takes the steeple position towards the closure of the
presentation he may be confidant that eh will not buy or he can
get rid of the salesman.
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 Gripping Hands, Arms and Wrists: Shows
confidence/superiority which allows the person to be relaxed .
 That can be achieved by holding “palm-in-palm”.
 That gesture should not be confused with the “hand-gripping-
wrist” gesture which reflects frustration and an attempt to self-
control.
 The further the hand moves to the back the angrier the person is.
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11
holding palm-in-palm hand-gripping-wrist
hand-gripping-elbow

1.3 Hand-To-Face Gesture.
 The human face is the most part of the body that reflects our
feelings, emotions and can tell if we are lying or telling the truth.
 There are many types of “Hand-To-Face” gestures such as :
-The Mouth Guard.
-Nose Touching.
-The Eye Rub.
-The Ear Rub.
-The Neck Scratch.
-The Collar Pull.
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 When someone uses that gesture it
dose not mean that he is lying, it also
means that the person may be
deceiving and further observation of
his gestures is required and will
confirm is he lying or deceiving.
 We will now look at some “Hand-To-
Face” gestures that we use almost all
the time.
1-The Mouth Guard : If a speaker is
using this gesture it indicates that he is
lying, and if someone is listing to a
speaker and he uses the mouth guard
than the listener is feeling that the
speaker is lying.
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The Mouth Guard

2-Nose Touching: It is the same as the “Mouth Guard” gesture,
where the speaker is lying and the listener is feeling the speaker
lie.
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Nose Touching

3-The Ear Rub: The person rubs his ear from the back or rubbing
his ear loop, This indicates that the person has heard enough
and whish’s to speak.
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The Ear Rub

4-The Neck Scratch : In the case of the neck scratcher, The person
scratches below the ear loop or the side of his neck.
It is a signal of doubt or uncertainty.
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The Neck Scratch

5-The Collar Pull: This gesture has two meanings:
A-Person is telling a lie and he is afraid that he got caught.
B-Person is angry or frustrated .
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The Collar Pull

1.4 Arm Barriers
 When a person folds his arms together
across his chest it’s merely an attempt to
hide from an unfavorable situation.
 There are many types of “Arm Barriers” but
we will talk about a few that most men and
women tend to use.
1-Arm Cross Gesture: The standard “Arm
Cross” gesture is a universal gesture
signifying defensive or negative attitude. Is
commonly used when we are with strangers
in public or the bus stop.
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Arm Cross Gesture

 When having a face-to-face debit or argument or discussing
point of view and the listener uses the arm cross gesture, its
logical to assume that you have said something that he disagrees
with and its pointless to continue your talk.
 However you must try to think why did that person use that
gesture and try to change the way you are debating or discussing
your point so the other person can stop using the arm gesture
and start listing to you once again.
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1.4 Arm Barriers

2-Reinforced Arm Cross: If the person has
clenched his fists and then folds his arms across
his chest this indicates that the person has
become hostile and defensive, this is often
followed by clenched teeth and the face starts to
show anger sings.
-When this gesture is assumed caution is advised,
person is filled with anger and rage. And a
verbal or physical attack is highly possible.
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Reinforced Arm Cross
1.4 Arm Barriers

3-Partial Arm Cross:
-The partial arm cross gesture is commonly seen
at meetings or gatherings where the person is
a stranger, this shows lack of self-confidence.
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Partial Arm Cross
1.4 Arm Barriers

1.5 Leg Barriers
 Same as the “Arm Barriers” there is also “Leg
Barriers” that we tend to use when we are
nervous, angry or even defensive. Lets take a
look at some examples of “Leg Barriers”.
 When in a meeting or a course you will notice
that the people are standing far from each other
with their legs crossed, This is common when
people don’t know each other.
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Leg Barriers

 When you look at another group you
will notice that they are standing
normal with arms open and at a close
distance to each other.
 Those group members know each
other or have previously met each
other.
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Group Members
knowing each other.
1.5 Leg Barriers

 When we stand with our arms crossed or legs crossed we are
shutting out other people without knowing, because we assume
a defensive pose which builds a wall between us and others
which leads to less communication.
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Shutting our others
1.5 Leg Barriers

1.6 Other Popular Gestures and Actions
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Dominant Gesture
Dominant gesture and will try to take
control of other people or make themselves
the center of attention or keynote person
when they are board with a conversation.

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Neutral Head Position
Neutral head position; this gesture a
person will assume it in the beginning
of a conversation, argument, debate.
It shows that the person is neither
interested nor dislikes the conversation
at hand and has not yet made his
opinion about it.

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Interested position: the head is either
tilted to the left or the right which shows
that the person is interested in the current
conversation or situation.
Interested Position

1.7 Eye Signals
 As we all know that the eyes are the window to the
soul.
 We can tell allot from the “Eye Language” if the person
is angry, sad, happy…etc
 There are 2 type of eye contact that we use in our social
life and in business life or during work.
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1-The Business Glaze :
-When we are having a discussion on a
business level, Imagine that there a
“triangle” on the other persons forehead.
-By keeping your glaze directed at this area,
you create a serious atmosphere and the
other person senses that you mean
business.
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The Business Glaze
1.7 Eye Signals

2-The Social Glaze:
When the gaze drops below the other Person’s eye level, a social
atmosphere Develops. In this case its between the eye and the
mouth.
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The Social Glaze
1.7 Eye Signals

 The past examples demonstrate “Communication Failure”.
 The reason for the above mistakes or communication failure can
be summarized to :
A-Something was not said that should have been said.
B-Something was assumed that should not have been assumed.
C-Something was unclear that should have been made clear.
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1.1 Recognize The Benefits Of Boosting
Communication Skills.

 Communication skills are the most important skill that we all
must have, not only dose it effect our working life, but also our
social life.
 Lets look at the below examples and see if we have heard them or
even said them.
 Example 1: I didn’t know that you wanted me to send the
massages after the closure of the check-in counter.
 Example 2: I didn’t know that I was the one to fill out the general
declaration.
 Example 3: I didn’t know that the shift time has changed.
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 The consequences of “Communication Failure” can result in :
A-Loss of time.
B-Loss of money.
C-Loss of credibility.
D-Loss of trust.
E-Loss of a client.
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 On the other hand, when there is no “Communication Failure” :
-People feel good & Motivated.
-People do their job well.
-People work together & You encourage teamwork.
-People save time.
-People assume responsibility.
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2.1 Communication Process
 It is vital to understand what you are doing when you
communicate. That way you can anticipate possible breakdowns.
So lets look at the seven steps of communication.
 Lets begin with referring to three terms: message; sender and
receiver.
-The message is the idea.
-The sender is the person who is communicating the message.
-The receiver is the person reviving the message.
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 Step 1: Have a message.
Messages range from simple greetings like “Hello” to complex
ones like feasibility studies or political speeches. Example of
simple message might be you wanting ahmed to phone you.
 Step 2: Communicate the message.
You have decided what message you want to convey. Next you
must decide the best way to send ahmed the message.
 Step 3: Receiving & Responding to the message.
Now that ahmed has received your message, he will then
interoperate the message and decide to answer it or not.
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Have a
message
Communicate
the message.
Receiving &
Respond
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2.3 Organizing your thoughts
 There are three main points that must be considered for the
message:
1-Establish the Context: The context must be established and
informed to the listener(s).To help them prepare mentally for
what you are about to talk or discuss.
2-Include only the essentials: You must only include the basic
idea or the important points there is no need to add extra items
or ideas that are out of the context or the subject of the meeting
or discussion.
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 3-Create a basic structure: The structure of anything must
include:
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The
Beginning
The
Middle
The End

 Lets take a look at the below meeting example and try to find out
what went wrong in it.
 Meeting Subject: Visa types.
While the speaker is explaining the types someone asks the
following question,
-The other day on the check-in counter a passenger was using a
wheelchair and when I asked her if she needs help to go up the
steps of the aircraft she said No, would I place a comment on the
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system that she is a WCHR, the speaker answers her.
Then another question is asked, The other day a passenger
had 2 Kg extra weight and refused to pay, what should I do?
Another person will say something like: The other my colleague
gave a passenger the wrong boarding pass. And so on.
At the end of the 2 hour meeting not much was talked about the
visa types, instead other matters were discussed not related to the
visa types.
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2.4 Selecting Words, Actions and
Images with care
 Choosing the right words can enhance your communication with
others, the following suggestions will help you within choosing
the right words.
 1-Avoide Qualifiers:
Qualifiers are little words and phrases like “sort of”, “kind of” or
“rather”. We tend to use them when we can’t find the right word.
We might find ourselves in a sticky situation and say that we
have “sort of a problem” or “bit of a problem”. The audience
might ask or think, “What sort of problem?” It might be a
catastrophe, a mishap, a concern, a dilemma, or a disaster.
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 2-Keep it Simple:
-Avoid sentences that go on for paragraphs; avoid paragraphs that
go on to pages and avoid using complex or unusual words when
simple or familiar ones will do.
-Keeping it simple also means avoiding jargons and technical
Language.
-If you are sure all members of the audience know the meaning of
the term or phrase or can translate what you are communicating. If
they don’t or cant, they will not understand your message.
-If you must use technical language, define your term if even one
member of your audience may not be able to follow.
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Images with care

 3-Be Consistent:
Consistency means using the same term again rather
than trying to come up with a synonym, Where
Consistency makes it easier to follow.
 4-Be Specific:
Being specific means being precise.
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Images with care

2.5 Seeking feedback: Negative and
Positive.
 Feedback can be formal or informal.
 After a major presentation or submitting a major study you can
ask for formal feedback.
 But much communication is short and informal, and written
feedback may be disproportionately time-consuming.
 Therefore, on a day-to-day basis you need to seek feedback less
formally.
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 Suggestions for getting informal feedback :
-Step 1, Listen:
What you want to know is :
A-Whether or not your audience received the message.
B-How people interpreted what you communicated.
C-Why the audience did or did not understand what you
communicated.
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Positive.

-Step 2, Concentrate:
You attempt to capture the essence of what is being said by
listening harder to the remaining part of the communication, or
you ask to have something repeated.
-Step 3, Ask Questions:
Asking questions is the most assertive way of getting the
information that you want. A question like, “What do you think of
the meeting?” may result only in a vague response: Ìt was fine'; Ìt
was comprehensive'; Ìt was persuasive'. Those are nice
compliments, of course, but you want to know specifically why it
was fine, comprehensive or persuasive. You want to know what you
did right.
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Positive.

2.6 How to make your point so what
you say is what they hear.
 Allot of us deal with the issue that when we say something or
explain something they don’t do as we say, for Example in a
meeting the manager informs the staff about the new strategies
and what will be done to improve the work flow. Weeks later the
manager notices that the problem is still there and non of the
staff is doing or following that was spoken in the meeting.
 The staff have suffered from confusion and misunderstanding.
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 Common examples of what you say, and what they hear:
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What You Say What They Hear
We have an exciting new
opportunity.
We have a lot more work.
This new initiative focuses on our
quality efforts.
This new initiative focuses on blah,
blah,blah.
This is urgent; it is our top priority. Everything is urgent.
I need to see harder work, more
effort, and better results.
Forget all about your normal life,
you’ll are my slaves.
There will be some organizational
change
Start looking for another job.
There have been too many
mistakes; from now on we will use
zero tolerance policy.
Any one makes the smallest
mistake will be hung from the
ceiling.

 When you speak to people you are not speaking to one mind,
instead two minds:
-The conscious mind.
-The unconscious mind.
 The conscious mind wants structure and order whereas the
unconscious mind remembers feelings and subjective
experiences.
 the conscious mind has limited storage capacity, which explains
why people can easily forget information especially when there is
a lot of it.
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 People have their own unique filters for interpreting what they
hear and supply what’s missing.
They filter what you say through colored lenses based on the past,
their personal history, preferences and many others. People also fill
in the blanks to suite their believes.
 Let’s look at the following example so we can have a further
understanding.
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 There was a well-liked farmer who was accused of stealing a pig
from a rancher who was disliked by everyone. They went to court
over the pig, and the jurors rendered the following verdict: “The
farmer is not guilty, but he must return the pig.” The judge was
perplexed by this verdict. He instructed the jurors to leave and
not return until they had a verdict that made sense. The jurors
left the room, and their loud voices could be heard down the
hall. Shortly they returned and the judge asked, “Have you
reached a new verdict?” “We have, your honor,” answered the
foreman. “The farmer is not guilty, and he can keep the pig.”
 The moral to the story is clear: People will find evidence or
distort information and reality to fit their beliefs. Or said
another way, meanings are in people, not in words.
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 The table below which will help us in communicating with the
two minds.
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Give the Conscious Mind
STRUCTURE AND ORDER
Give the Unconscious Mind
POSITIVE EXPERIENCES
Say what you want: Be clear and concise.
Keep it simple and straightforward.
Focus on positive outcomes: State your
outcome in positive language. Be specific.
Emphasize what is important: Highlight
critical messages and key points. Focus on
only one or two. Keep it bite-size.
Talk in positive language: Reinforce what
you want (e.g., “improve productivity”
versus “avoid inefficiency”).
Be specific about expectations: Clearly
communicate what you want and include a
“by when” time frame.
Create positive feelings: Express how you
value the person and the relationship.
Why it works: When you provide order and
structure for the conscious mind, people
listen to what you are saying, rather than
search for your agenda.
Why it works: When you provide an
encouraging focus and leave people with
positive feelings, it raises spirits and morale.
People want to feel good.

 Here also are some points that will help you when
communicating with others:
-When Priorities Are Unclear: Speaking That Details.
Example: “This needs to be done by Friday along with everything
else.”
-Giving Others Responsibility: Speaking Accountably.
Example: “This is a priority assignment. How and when can you
accomplish this? Think about it and advise me early next week.
-Checking for Clarity: Speaking Accountably.
Example: “Let’s pause for a second and see if we both agree on. .”
-Checking Assumptions: Speaking Accountably.
Example: “I assumed that meant . . . Is this true for you?”
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3. The Five Techniques To Master
Communication
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 The following steps that when followed it will allow us to
improve our communication process:
1-Manage your Ethos.
2-Speak to Motivate.
3-Frame.
4-Validate.
5-Add Color.
 Lets now look at each one in more details.
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3. The Five Techniques To Master
Communication

3.1 Manage your Ethos
 The Greek term “ethos” translates loosely into English as “ethics”.
However, in communication at work, it is the idea that the
credibility of who you are persuades people.
 Your ethos is your credibility. In addition to what you’ve done
and the positions you’ve held, it’s what the people you work with
believe you to be, and it changes.
 For example at a company where everyone wears a uniform, the
worker who walks around in jeans and sneakers may still be the
best, and his dress adds to his ethos as a creative, But when that
same worker begins to make mistakes, his appearance only
increases the perception that he is sloppy.
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 There are four simple techniques you can use your ethos to help
you :
1-Discern your ethos with the people and in the environments you
want to affect.
2- Figure out what your ethos needs to be if you are to achieve your
goals.
3- Write a list of behaviors that demonstrate that ethos.
4- Practice those behaviors until they become natural.
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 Knowing your Ethos in simple steps:
 1- Your culture: Culture has two elements: where you are from
and what your organization expects. If you make a mistake in the
basic cultural rules of the people with whom you are working, it
can have a negative impact on your ethos.
 2- How you think: Whether you are inductive or deductive
matters. If the person or group with whom you’re speaking needs
the details first (inductive), match that tendency. If the people
you’re speaking to are like most executives (deductive), match
that tendency. Matching the way other people think will make it
easier for them to receive your message and have a positive
impact on your ethos.
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 3- How you listen and speak: Some people think out loud, while
others think internally. Some people can’t help thinking out
loud—it’s their nature. If you notice how much time someone
pauses before responding to a question, you can tell whether he
is an internal or an external thinker. Measure the silence.
Internal thinkers need time to respond to an idea, while external
thinkers speak right away.
 4- Your expertise and knowledge: The areas where you are a
specialist, where you have unique value, raise your ethos, but if
you keep that knowledge to yourself or walk around bragging,
your ethos is weakened.
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 5- Your relationships: When people trust you, you can borrow
their ethos. They will speak highly of you, introduce you to the
right people, and support your work.
 6- Your appearance: Every office in the world has an expected
way of dressing. If you dress too well or too poorly, you will be
judged. The key is to figure out what is usual for the culture. It’s
not wrong to dress differently, but do so intentionally, knowing
that it will affect your credibility.
 7- The results you produce: When you produce, people have faith
in your decisions. When you do what you say you’re going to do,
people trust you.
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3.2 Speak to Motivate
 Motivation is the method that leaders and managers use to
maximize employee engagement. Not everyone is motivated by
the same things, and the same person might even be motivated
differently based on the topic.
 Every human being is motivated “by” things and “for” things. We
are motivated by ethos, emotion, or logic. We’re motivated for
achievement, recognition, or power.
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 The common questions that you must ask yourself are:
1-What are they motivated by? What pushes them? If they’re
motivated by ethos, the question is which authority asked for the
work to be done? If they’re motivated by emotion, it’s, is the
project exciting, dangerous, or urgent? Or if they’re motivated by
logic, it’s, is this the practical, reasonable, right thing to do?
64

2-What are they motivated for? What pulls them? If they are
looking for achievement, they want an honest day’s pay for an
honest day’s work. If they’re looking for recognition, they want pats
on the back in front of the team. Or if they want power, they want
authority, control, and the ability to make decisions.
3-Speak to their motivation by crafting language that pushes and
pulls their drivers, not yours.
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3.3 Frame
 The best frames work because they keep your listeners focused
on the conversation you want to have right now or prepare them
for the conversations you are going to have. The secret is to know
what language will convey the message you intend so that your
meaning is obvious and unforgettable.
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understand
your
listeners’
attitudes
intentional
word choice
your
listeners
focused on
your
message

 The following are the techniques used for the Frame:
1-Identify the point.
2-Think about issues, ideas, or language that will distract the
listener.
3-Choose vocabulary and imagery that will focus conversations and
thinking.
4-Prepare the frames ahead of time.
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3.3 Frame
11/7/2010

3.4 Validate
 Validation is acknowledging that you have heard and
appreciated another person’s participation. If you’re leading or
managing and you don’t validate, your teammates will disengage
because they don’t feel that their contributions matter, and
validation is rarely as simple, or as clichéd, as saying, “Good job.”
 Validation is much more than a pat on the back. Whether you
are talking with your bosses or with the people who work for you,
they need to know that what they do matters.
Validation = affirming the other person’s value.
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 Different kinds of validation:
1-Offering stock phrases: When you say something like
“Good job” or “Great question,” if your tone says the
same thing, it can be enough to value someone’s work.
2-Paraphrasing the message: Paraphrasing is evidence that
you heard the person’s words. Paraphrase not only the words
but also the tone.
3-Asking a meaningful question: Your interest in digging
deeper demonstrates that the person said something that has
enough merit that you want to know more.
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3.4 Validate

4-Telling a story about the person’s success: Check his
motivation. You may not want to tell the story in public, but
even in a one on-one meeting, mentioning his past
achievement affirms his work and clarifies what you want
him to do again and again.
5-Using body language: A head nod, a smile, or a wink can be
dangerous if it’s misinterpreted, but if it’s done well, it can be
all the other person needs in a meeting to let him know that
he is doing the right things.
6-Listening: We really mean it. If you can’t, won’t, or don’t listen,
the other kinds of validation don’t matter, and you should perhaps
begin exploring jobs where you’re not working with people.
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3.4 Validate

2.5 Add Color
 The science of speech communication has two physical
dimensions: voice and speech.
 Voice is the sound that you are able to produce when air travels
through your vocal chords.
 Speech is what you do with your voice. There is not a lot you can
do to change your voice: it takes an immense amount of specific
exercise.
 Adding color is about making the words you choose stand out
and express what you mean more clearly. You have to choose how
you’re going to emphasize a word or point.
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 The easiest ways to add color are:
-Change the speed. Speak faster or slower to create
energy and allow your listeners to follow along.
-Change the volume. Speak louder or softer to gain their
attention.
-Change the stress. Lengthen or shorten a word to
emphasize its meaning.
-Change the inflection. Raise or lower your pitch to ask a question
or assert authority.
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2.5 Add Color

Communication and Body Language

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