Concept eq

Dear members 13-08-2012

We have received just one article so far and it is a disturbing trend. Usually by now we
would have received as many as 7 articles and started our correspondence with the authors to
make corrections and resubmit. Hence to help you wear your ‘thinking caps’ the following
information ‘culled’ from different sources available in the internet are given.

You may use these and develop further to write articles on

Helping Children Overcome Their Anxiety,
Anger Management at School Level,
Emotional Problems as Perceived by Parents, Teachers, Students themselves,
School-Teacher-Parent's role in EQ development of children,
Children and EQ,
Interpersonal and Intrapersonal skills needed for school children,
Bullying, ragging and EQ,
Role of EQ in suicide prevention (excellent topics to conduct short and quick field
studies)
EQ Enhancement,
EQ Enrichment and the like.
Remember: 22nd Aug 2012 is the last date for submission of articles as ecopy and CD
version apart from a print copy.

Please mention the following about authors:

Name with initials, current position/ designation, Institution and place with PINcode.

Yours truly

UNABRDIGED AND UNCORRECTED VERSION OF SOME OF THE INFORMATION
COLLECTED FROM INTERNET. PLEASE RESPECT COPYRIGHT LAWS AND
ETHICS OF JOURNALISM. YOU CAN USE BUT NOT PLAGIARIZE.

We are pleased in this issue of CDTL Brief to present several informed perspectives on the
subject of EQ.

March 1999, Vol. 2 No. 1 Print-Ready

Nurturing Emotional Intelligence in University Students

Professor Hang Chang Chieh

Deputy Vice-Chancellor

Producing well-rounded students and achieving academic excellence are traditional goals in
education emphasised by NUS in its strategic plan for the 21st century and recently
reaffirmed by the Ministry of Education in its publication, The Desired Outcomes of
Education. The need to cultivate the mind, or rational intelligence, and personal qualities and
interpersonal skills, or emotional intelligence, has never been more crucial than before.

The term emotional intelligence was coined by Peter Salovey and John Mayer in 1990 and
then popularised by Daniel Goleman in 1995 in his ground-breaking bestseller, Emotional
Intelligence: Why It Can Matter More Than IQ?. According to Goleman, rational intelligence
(or rather, intelligence quotient – IQ for short) only contributes about 20% to the factors that
determine success in life. Some extraneous factors such as luck, and particularly the
characteristics of emotional intelligence (or rather, emotional quotient – EQ for short),
constitute the other 80%. These vital EQ characteristics are the abilities to motivate oneself
and persist despite frustrations; to control impulse and delay gratification; to regulate one’s
mood and keep distress from overwhelming thought; and to empathise and to hope.

Management guru Stephen Covey, author of the bestseller, The Seven Habits of Highly
Effective People, has observed that highly effective people are proactive; begin with the end
in mind; put first things first; think win/win; seek first to understand, then to be understood;
synergise; sharpen the saw. But beyond understanding the importance of such qualities, one
has to practise them constantly and, in so doing, internalise them as habits. Consequently,
part of our role as teachers is to nurture EQ to assist such habituation.

Definition of EQ

The study of emotion and its practical importance has interested people for many centuries.
In the 1st century B.C., Publilius Syrus said: “Rule your feelings, lest your feelings rule you.”
For David Packard, a guiding principle in developing and managing Hewlett-Packard has
been the advice given by his football coach: “Given equally good players and good team-
work in a championship, the team with the strongest will to win will prevail.”

Yet, the developing of emotional strength was not explicitly regarded as a skill that can be
learnt and mastered until Daniel Goleman published Emotional Intelligence. Other authors
have since further expanded the meaning, development and applications of emotional
intelligence. The following are two simple definitions EQ:

“EQ is the ability to sense, understand, and

effectively apply the power and acumen of emotions as a source of human energy,

information, connection and influence.”

(Robert Cooper and Ayman Sawaf)

“EQ is the ability to monitor one’s own and other’s feelings, to discriminate among them and
to use this information to guide one’s thinking and actions.” (Peter Salovey and John Mayer)

It is clear from these definitions that a person with high rational intelligence does not
automatically possess high EQ. For all students to be well rounded, it is thus necessary to
enhance both their IQs and EQs.

EQ Qualities

EQ consists of five major qualities or characteristics:

01 Self-awareness

02 Mood management

03 Self-motivation

04 Impulse control

05 Interpersonal skills

The first four can be broadly grouped under intrapersonal EQ. They each influence the
development of one’s courage, perseverance, enthusiasm and passion. Such personal qualities
are vital in competitive sports, breakthrough scientific research, inventions, entrepreneurship
and extraordinary achievements. They also make the difference because creative solutions or

radically new approaches are usually considered illogical based on conventional wisdom;
they only become logical on hindsight.

An example is the development of fuzzy logic. When Professor Lotfi Zadeh first proposed
the concept in 1965, most scientists and engineers could not accept this radically new
proposal and disregarded its potential practical significance. They thought it was absurd to
have logic that was not precise. More than 15 years later, Japanese engineers successfully
demonstrated the wide applications of fuzzy logic, ranging from controlling high-speed trains
to simple cameras and washing machines. Consequently, fuzzy logic is now the foundation of
the new science of ‘Soft Computing’ that deals rationally with imprecise knowledge.
Through the years of being rejected, Professor Zadeh remained passionate about his
discovery and continued to champion it, thereby demonstrating extraordinary intrapersonal
EQ.

Intrapersonal EQ qualities are equally important to all of us in our daily lives. Through self-
awareness, we are conscious of our feelings and can deal with them better. Self-awareness
also helps us to catch any worrisome episode as soon as possible. Through mood
management, we can act to overcome any negativity (e.g. being angry or depressed) that
prevents us from accomplishing our goals. To hope or think positively helps us to sustain our
morale in the face of setbacks or defeats. Self-motivation is the internal drive to scale new
heights, overcome obstacles, disappointments and frustrations, and search proactively for
opportunities. It also prompts us to initiate resolving conflicts, seeking clarification and
mending relationships. Impulse control allows us to resist temptation and delay gratification;
it encourages a person to pursue higher goals as he/she copes better with the stress associated
with a difficult task, foregoes short-term rewards for more substantial long-term goals, and
follows through on difficult plans.

The fifth quality can be called interpersonal EQ. It is the ability to understand other people:
what motivates them, how they work, how to work co-operatively with them. It requires the
fundamental skill of empathy – identifying oneself mentally with a person and understanding
his/her feelings. Empathy makes other people feel safe enough to talk freely without fear of
being judged. There is a great difference between listening and empathetic listening. In
listening, we listen but may not hear what the speaker is saying; instead, we may be trying to
interpret what they mean. In empathetic listening, we place ourselves in the speaker’s shoes,
undergo what he/she is feeling and identify with his/her problems.

Empathy and the four intrapersonal EQ qualities combined together create other important
interpersonal skills that Hatch and Gardner of Harvard University have identified:

Organising groups

Negotiating solutions

Personal connection

Social analysis

In all, these are the stuff of interpersonal polish, the necessary ingredients for charm, social
success and even charisma!

Interpersonal EQ is essential in the practice of management with ‘heart’. Managers with low
interpersonal EQ criticise easily and are frugal with praise. In contrast, managers with high
interpersonal EQ empathise, show compassion, praise others generously, avoid prejudice, and
accommodate mistakes by using them as opportunities for staff to learn and gain experience.
With their positive outlook, they are easy to interact with; they also gain trust, build
consensus and co-ordinate teams well.

Such managers will be very important in the knowledge-based economy of the 21st century
for effective teamwork in a flat organisation of empowered knowledge workers will be a
critical competitive advantage. There is need to pay special attention to developing such
skills, particularly as life becomes potentially more impersonal with technology – email and
distance deliveries, for instance, becoming increasingly pervasive.

EQ Improvement

Unlike IQ that may only be marginally improved over the years, EQ can be nurtured and
significantly strengthened and it is never too late for students to improve their EQ. It is,
however, harder to nurture EQ than IQ in a classroom setting. Traditionally, schools and
universities have used opportunities such as extracurricular activities to provide a rounded
education, indirectly facilitating the development of students’ EQ.

Other more direct and conscious strategies can be adopted too. The first essential step,
naturally, is to have students gain a better understanding of the fundamentals of EQ. This
might be achieved through awareness courses or self-study. Having been made aware, they
should be encouraged to reflect on the differences between high IQ vs. high EQ people as
illustrated in Table 1. What follows should then be the practice of what has been learnt till
these habits become automatic and integral components of one’s character. For instance, if
impulse control is weak, walking often amongst peaceful surroundings might have a calming
effect while regular exercise improves general well being. Participation in committee work
would be one way of practising people skills. All these efforts could be part of achieving EQ
improvement as a life-long pursuit.

Creative Thinking and Intuition

EQ can also be cultivated via academic pursuits. As university education increasingly
requires the exercise of creative thinking skills through open-ended assignments and project
work, students will have more opportunities to practise and improve their EQ skills. The

conventional educational approach where obtaining the right answer all the time is
emphasised tends to prevent new ideas from emerging that might unravel complex
difficulties. In contrast, creative problem solving encourages the development of multiple
ideas, no matter whether they are ‘right’ or ‘wrong’. This process allows for questioning of
the status quo, prompts a ‘why not’ mindset, and promotes humility and tolerance for
ambiguity and multiplicity of viewpoints, embracing even those from non-experts. Clearly,
this concurrent nurturing of both problem-solving and EQ skills will better prepare students
for the competitive knowledge economy that requires the flexibility and fortitude to solve
real-world problems for which no easy answers might be found.

A more advanced source of problem-solving skill is intuition, defined in the dictionary as
“direct knowing without the conscious use of reasoning”. Intuition, when followed by
thorough analysis and planning, has sparked many innovations and successful business
developments globally and is now a widely sought-after quality in an entrepreneur, leader, or
great scientist. This is because intuition is a great asset when there is not enough information
or when there is too much data that confuses the situation. It may be described as ‘gut
feeling’ or a form of self-awareness (one of the basic qualities of EQ) that enables us to listen
to our hearts and distinguishes opportunity from vulnerability; truth from politics; depth from
motion. A heightened dimension of emotional intelligence, intuition can be better understood
and practised continually, drawing on emotional wisdom garnered through past experiences.

Other intrapersonal EQ qualities also help in the process of learning and practising intuition.
For instance, one needs to overcome fear when dealing with the unknown. We cannot be
intuitive if we are anxious about being right. We need to gain experience and hence should
not be afraid to make mistakes. This requires emotional strength. As General Bolivar
Buckner once said: “Judgement comes from experience and experience comes from bad
judgement.

Concluding Remarks

I shall now address the inter-relation of IQ and EQ. First, emotions are known to be powerful
organisers of thought and action. EQ often complements IQ when we need to solve complex
and vague problems or make a key decision, and helps in accomplishing these tasks quickly
and with exceptional results. Emotions invoke intuition, helping us to anticipate uncertainties
and plan our actions accordingly. IQ and EQ in tandem lift intelligent energy. As NUS
increasingly emphasises creative thinking, independent research and teamwork, the nurturing
of EQ will contribute tremendously to academic performance. All university students should
be urged to develop their EQs to match or even surpass their IQs.

Second, the mutually complementing roles of IQ and EQ are crucial in teamwork. A team
leader should have a high EQ if the team is to have a good chance to perform brilliantly. The
high-EQ leader would muster team members with high IQ and EQ and harness both these
strengths to boost team performance.

Much of what I have discussed in this paper is common sense, but certainly not common
practice. NUS provides many opportunities and an excellent learning environment for
enhancing knowledge while nurturing EQ. By highlighting the importance of acquiring EQ to
students, we will, hopefully, cultivate EQ literate graduates who will become champions of
EQ as well as role models of life-long learners in EQ in their future workplace.

References

1) Robert Cooper and Ayman Sawaf, Executive EQ, Orion Business Books: 1997.

2) Daniel Goleman, Emotional Intelligence – Why It Can Matter More Than IQ?, Bantam
Books: 1995.

3) Patricia Patton, EQ In The Workplace, SNP Publishers: 1997.

4) Peter Salovey and John Mayer, “Emotional Intelligence”, Imagination, Cognition and
Personality, Vol. 9(3), 1990, pp. 185-211.

© 2012 CDTL Brief is published by the Centre for Development of Teaching and Learning.
Reproduction in whole or in part of any material in this publication without the written
permission of CDTL is expressly prohibited. The views expressed or implied in CDTL Brief
do not necessarily reflect the views of CDTL.

The Importance of Developing Emotional Intelligence

As I see it, there are many reasons to develop a child's natural emotional intelligence. For
example:

Dealing with threatening situations

Helping others

Conscience and Moral Autonomy

Happiness

Mutual respect, cooperation, empathy

Responsibility

Individuality

I have written about each of these in my EI in my parenting section.

link

So called "Disruptive" students and behaviors

A thought on "disruptive behavior" - if a student were to start bleeding, would the teacher call
this "disruptive behavior"? If the seats the students are forced to sit in were electrified and
sent shocks to the student, causing him or her to scream out in pain, would this be considered
disruptive behavior? But for the student who "disrupts" the normal class, the student is
typically in some kind of pain.

Pain from boredom, pain from needs not being met. Why have the teachers chosen to call a
student's pain and needs "disruptions"? Maybe the teachers like to label students and behavior
as "disruptive" because the teachers themselves are actually the most direct cause of the pain
and the unmet needs. For example, when a student needs to get up and move around and the
teacher won't let him. In this example, I would say the teacher is causing the student pain. By
labeling the student disruptive when he tries to move to stop his pain, the teacher avoids
taking the responsibility for causing the pain. If a student is bored to the point where it starts
to become painful, so he tries to make the class more interesting by talking, telling jokes etc.,
are we to blame the student for this. too?

I don't believe this is helping society. This pain and these unmet need cause problems outside
of the school building

See Unmet Emotional Needs

Individual Differences and Innate Needs

Here is a very good quote about education and differing individual needs.

Respect for differences requires an "agricultural" model that focuses on individual nurture
and cultivation due to innate needs. We use differing methods for growing cabbages and
azaleas. And, there is no problem over which way is better; one isn't right and the other
wrong. Anyone would call a farmer a fool who planted them in the same place, and gave
them the same fertilizer, sun and water. We value each, and, knowing they will not thrive
unless needs are met, we respect their different natures and accept their special requirements.

From: Choice as a Way to Quality Learning, Nancy Reckinger

www.ascd.org/ASCD/pdf/journals/ed_lead/el_197901_reckinger.pdf

Consequences

My Comments on Natural vs. Fabricated Consequences

Alfie Kohn's Chapter on Punishment and Pseudochoices

Comments by Norma Spurlock

Article by Teresa Pitman (also saved as edu_art1.htm)

EQ News!

EQ News! was a publication started by EQI for those interested in elementary education Here
are the issues which were published.

EQ News! Vol. 1, Issue 1

Contents

Editor's Perspective Interview with Peter Salovey

What is Emotional Intelligence? School Profile of the Month

What Have Studies Found? Consultants Corner (S. Hein)

Presently, the other two are available in printed form. I may put them on line at some point in
the future. The contents are as follows:

Issue 2 How Teachers Become Emotion Coaches-- Interview with John Gottman

Whose Needs and Feelings are More Important? -- Steve Hein

Peter Salovey interview continued.

Issue 3 Spotlight on a Social Development Program

Part 2 of Interview with John Gottman

Expanding Emotional Literacy-- Steve Hein

Low Emotional Intelligence Among Head Teachers?

A consultant in the UK wrote this letter to a colleague,

Susan,

I recently did a study of UK Head Teachers. There were 109 Heads in my sample and I
looked at emotional intelligence alongside a number of health parameters, school size and
type of school.

As there are different ways that MSCEIT data are scored, I am re-running the results as the
emotional intelligence scores were much lower than expected.

(Actual letter posted on EMONET, May 11, 2004

Links

Alfie Kohn (his guestbook is very interesting reading)

Taking Children Seriously

http://www.naturalchild.org/home/ - Lots of good articles and resources on alternative and
progressive child development

Article by Romesh Ratnesar, Time Magazine, 1997

http://www.noogenesis.com/malama.html - Good collection of resources

www.antidote.org.uk - Organization in the UK which is promoting emotional education

http://nonclb.blogspot.com/ - Site opposing the No Child Left Behind law in the USA which
is forcing more standard tests

Alternative Schools, Alternative Education

http://www.creatinglearningcommunities.org

http://homeschooling.gomilpitas.com - Ann Zeise's site

http://www.idenetwork.org International Democratic Education

http://www.educationrevolution.org/ Education Revolution - AERO (Alternatve Educ.
Resource Organization) Jerry Mintz

http://en.idec2005.org/ International Democratic Education Conference

http://www.davidgribble.co.uk/ David Gribble

In conventional schools children are literally prisoners: the law keeps them in. Learning
according to inclination is not an option; children's inclinations are not considered relevant;
adults tell them what they must learn. They make the best of it and enjoy themselves as much
as they can, but they are always under someone else's authority, unable to conduct themselves
as they would wish, unable to follow up their own interests. School seems to be designed to
destroy their individuality, to turn them all, as the Swiss teacher, Jürg Jegge says, into
cogwheels that will fit smoothly into the machinery of society. David Gribble

Resources, Reviews, Recommended Reading

Notes from Maria Montessori's books

Notes from educator Norma Spurlock's work

Notes from Haim Ginott's books

Notes from M. Hyson's book on developing an emotion-centered curriculum

Notes from John Holt's book "How Children Fail"

EQ News!

Under construction - High School Course Outline

Responsibility Training, by Norma Spurlock, 1996

How Children Fail, John Holt (Based on a journal of classroom observations. His conclusion
is that children fail because they are "scared, bored and confused.")

From Childhood To Adolescence, Maria Montessori

To Educate the Human Potential, Maria Montessori

Punished by Rewards, Alfie Kohn (Very heavily research-based. A bit difficult to read/very
academic. Basic conclusion is that all forms of extrinsic motivation are inferior to intrinsic
motivation. Even rewards fail to motivate in the long run.)

Emotional Development of Young Children: Building an Emotion-Centered

Curriculum (Early Childhood Education Series) by Marion C. Hyson

Trying Freedom, Richard Meisler (A college teacher's experience in giving his students more
freedom.)

Michel Foucault's "Discipline and Punish, the Birth of the Prison", and John

Taylor Gatto's "6 Lessons of a School teacher."

Schools turn beautiful children into ugly adults.

Steve Hein

If I had to make a general rule for living and working with children, it might be this: be wary
of saying or doing anything to a child that you would not do to another adult, whose good
opinion and affection you valued.

John Holt

I had a major struggle; I had a teacher’s certificate and realized for the first time in my life
that I was not an educated person. I was this person who had gotten wonderful grades and
knew nothing, who had very few skills.

Grace Llewellyn

Author of "Teenage Liberation Handbook"

If emotional and intellectual life are one, the same, there is no conflict. If we keep these
spheres separate, we set limits on both education and intelligence.

Stanley Greenspan, The Growth of the Mind: And the Endangered Origins of Intelligence

"The role of the teacher shifted from being a guide to being an "agent" of the ruling classes.
Through using repetition and rigid instruction, teachers train students to obey, to learn
passively and to compete against each other. Like a soldier, or a policeman, the teacher uses
discipline, which manifests in a constant demand for silence and a refusal to allow pupils to
dissent, as the tools to shape classroom culture and student behavior."

From "The Handbook of Alternative Education", by the National Coalition of Alternative
Schools (NCAS) Contacts: (505) 474-4312; Jerry Mintz, 417 Roslyn Rd. Roslyn Hts, NY
11577, Phone (516) 621-2195

Romesh Ratnesar article

Abstract: Daniel Goleman's bestselling book 'Emotional Intelligence: Why It Can Matter
More Than IQ' has influenced many school systems in the US to teach such values as
kindness and people skills. Proponents of emotional learning curriculum say its helps
children both academically and socially.

Patrice Edwards teaches second grade at Beecher Elementary, a public school in New Haven,
Conn., where most of her students wear maroon-plaid uniforms. That's the first indication
that something unusual is going on. Here's the second: on a recent September morning, as the
25 children in Edwards' class sat cross-legged on the floor passing a big blue ball around,
they whispered compliments to each other. "You're a nice speller." "You've got pretty hand-

writing." "You are a good artist." A soothing calm settled in the room. For the moment,
traditional academics were nowhere to be found. Edwards says the kids are learning deeper
truths. "We are teaching them values that are universal," she says. "Being kind to a person--
that's something all people need to do."

This is school? Kindness is an ancient virtue, but the idea of formally teaching six- and
seven-year-olds to give compliments in an inner-city public school is brand-new. In New
Haven all students from kindergarten through high school take part in the district's Social
Development Program, which weaves "emotional learning" exercises--like the ball-rolling
game--into the fabric of an ordinary school day. School officials say problem-solving and
stress-management skills are as essential as literature and long division to a '90s education.
"We believe it needs to be comprehensive, just like science and math," says Merrie Harrison,
a seventh-grade teacher. "Every child, every school, every year."

As many as 700 school districts across the country have instituted programs that aim to
nourish students' souls as well as their minds. And while the best teachers have long taught
kids to behave and play fair, they now have science on their side. In 1995 psychologist and
New York Times science writer Daniel Goleman published Emotional Intelligence: Why It
Can Matter More Than IQ, which contends that children's ability to recognize their own
emotions, empathize with peers and deal with crises--their "emotional quotient," or EQ--
influences their life chances as much as native intelligence. The book, now a paperback best
seller, has had a catalytic effect. Rutgers psychologist Maurice Elias, a pioneer in emotional
education, says he fields endless calls, E-mails and faxes from interested educators. "There is
credibility now given to taking time in the school day to carry out this kind of work," he says.

For many teachers, this new focus is welcome. The forces driving students to distraction have
never been stronger. Says Goleman: "If you are a kid who wants to avoid depression or
violence and not drop out, academic topics will have nothing to do with it." Marylu Simon,
school superintendent in Highland Park, N.J., says many children arrive at school "simply
angry from some situation that has happened at home. It affects their ability to come into the
school, sit down at their desk and be ready to learn."

So Highland Park sixth-graders are taught to act as cool-headed "peer mediators" who swoop
in to resolve tussles among their peers. At Hazel Valley Elementary School, outside Seattle,
misbehaving students go to principal Barbara Walton's office not for a scolding but for a
questionnaire that asks them to identify the classroom problems they caused and to generate
solutions.

"It's nice to have discipline that's problem solving and not just punishment,"

Walton says. Some parents bristle at such squishy, New Agey techniques. At its worst, they
say, emotional learning verges on therapy sessions for third-graders. "I don't want my
children talking about my family's problems in the classroom," a Highland Park father said at
a school meeting. But EQ gurus such as Professor Roger Weissberg of the University of

Illinois in Chicago say students in the best programs have shown not just "more positive
attitudes about ways to get along with people" but also improvements in critical-thinking
skills. And in New Haven, teenagers say they're witnessing less violence, toting fewer guns
and having sex later. Admittedly, better behavior does not ensure academic achievement. But
American schools will take good news where they can find it.

-- End --

InfoTrac Web: Expanded Academic ASAP Int'l Ed..

Full content for this article includes illustration and photograph.

Source: Time, Sept 29, 1997 v150 n13 p62(1).

Title: Teaching feelings 101. (teaching emotional intelligence)

Author: Romesh Ratnesar

Full Text COPYRIGHT 1997 Time Inc. All rights reserved.

How to Promote Emotional Intelligence in Children

Emotional Intelligence is the word of the hour. Do you want your kids to grow up to be
emotionally intelligent, have polished life skills and healthy relationships as adults? Yes?
Then, perhaps, you must start with ways to promote emotional intelligence in your children
right from when they are toddlers.A person's childhood plays a major role in shaping his/her
personality. Developing emotional intelligence or EQ in children now will help them build a
rational thought process and make decisions in future. It can save your child a lot of trauma
caused by imprudent actions later. Also, EQ helps the child to understand his/her skills,

abilities and capabilities better. It contributes to the child's rapid psychological development
in a positive direction. Hardships are a part of life and an emotionally intelligent child is
better equipped to deal with them. They will be able to understand themselves as well as
others and become sensitive to feelings.

We live in a world now where it is not sufficient just to get good grades. Human intelligence
is not limited to the knowledge of books any longer. The world is no more bound by
distances and the virtual world allows us to interact with our counterparts spread across
various geographical locations. It is very crucial to a child's growth and development into an
emotionally healthy child by promoting EQ right from their childhood. Such individuals also
perform well in their careers, become successful and even become valuable employees to
companies, when employed.

Ways to Develop Emotional Intelligence in Children

Encourage Reading

Yes, I did say that knowledge is not limited to books. But, it all depends on what kind of
books you are getting your children to read. Children are mostly inclined towards reading
stories. They all help in making your children morally strong by subtly introducing them to a
variety of life experiences. They also get to understand different perspectives of people and
how to deal with diverse situations that may face in future. Books highlight negative and
positive attitude and behavior of people with different personalities, while polishing their
language skills.

Participation in Extracurricular Activities in School

It helps in real-life interaction of your kids with others of the same age and promotes
emotional intelligence amongst them. Extracurricular activities also help your children to
express themselves and deal with their emotions. It brings about self-awareness as they
discover new aspects of their own personality. Also, it brings healthy competition and
encourages your child to polish their skills. Such children grow up to become extroverted and
have a flare for public interaction.

More Play Time with Other Children

At home, after your child comes back from school, encourage him to go out and play with
other kids in the neighborhood. Playing in an environment away from school also helps them
ease up. It is an unregulated environment and behavior is not monitored unless parents
intervene. This is the time when children exhibit their true nature and attitude. They learn to
look out for themselves. A playground is an unstructured social setting where relationships
are based upon interaction with those around the child.

Involve Children at Home

Involve your children with family activities. It is a common misconception that children
should be kept away from issues involving the family and the household in order to protect
them or not put any burden on them. You may be alienating the child unknowingly. Involve
them in decisions like what to buy from the supermarket on a grocery budget, even for the big
purchases like a car or a new television set, ask their help to make sweets for festivities, take
care of the dog or help in cleaning the kitchen. It brings a sense of responsibility among them.

Join Hobby Classes

This is the best thing you can do to make your child happy by encouraging them to pursue
and learn their interests. They will be grateful to you while they learn something different
from what they are taught at school. They will become more enthusiastic towards learning
and it will be a stimulating experience to try out different things as they grow up, further
enriching them as individuals.

Encourage Children to Talk

By giving your child the freedom to express himself around you and other family members,
you will ensure that there are no negative feelings in your child's heart towards any situation
that may occur even outside home. It will keep you aware of the daily developments in your
child's life.

Reward Good Behavior

What if your child picks up a negative attitude before he/she start showing any positive
characteristics? If your child seems introverted and has a lack of enthusiasm for participating
in other activities that promote emotional intelligence in kids, you need to spend more time
with your child to understand the problem. They may be being bullied by other kids, they feel
disconnected to the environment or maybe feeling shy. You need to have the talk with your
child and help them deal with such issues. Motivate and reward them for showing good

behavior by buying tickets for the local circus show, a trip to the annual fair, a piece of
chocolate for cleaning their room, a new bicycle for good grades or extra time to watch their
favorite television show.

Reprimand Bad Behavior

If your neighbors or your child's teachers are complaining about your child for exhibiting
rude or harmful behavior towards others, it is better to take control of the situation now than
regret later. You must punish them for showing your unhappiness towards such behavior.
You can punish them by first having a talk without scolding them to explain that such
behavior will not be appreciated. Show them the other side of the picture that they fail to
realize. If that doesn't work, you may resort to tactics like having nobody in the family
talking to the child until he/she realizes the mistake and promises to be better in future, take
away the luxuries that they may have enjoyed till now like watching television, going out to
play with other kids or having dessert after dinner. Do not be too harsh that they start to
resent you as well.

It is important to develop emotional health in children so that you can assure a satisfying
childhood for them. It will help them protect themselves by acting rationally in difficult
situations when you are not around. They develop abilities to reason out and to think
logically, which helps them in the later part of life to become successful individuals. It
ultimately depends on your parenting to raise emotionally healthy children. EQ helps your
children to deal with threatening situations, God forbid but say for example, a stranger may
have bad intentions towards your children, but your children will pick up the vibe
immediately and get out of the situation before any harm is caused to them. They also learn to
help others around them, show compassion and respect for other human beings. They will
also co-operate with you and build a healthy parent-child relationship. By Urvashi Pokharna

Last Updated: 12/28/2011

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The Importance of Boosting Emotional Intelligence and Teaching Empathy to Kids

How to teach kids empathy and emotionl intelligence and why it's important

By Katherine Lee, About.com Guide

See More About:emotional intelligencechild developmentemotional developmentchild
behaviorbullyingEmotional intelligence and empathy are important life skills for children.

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There are many reasons why parents should consider teaching empathy and nurturing
emotional intelligence in their kids. In basic terms, empathy is the ability to be able to put
oneself in someone else's shoes and understand that person's emotions and feelings.

Why Emotional Intelligence and Empathy Matter

Studies have shown that empathy is an essential life skill. Emotional intelligence or
emotional quotient, or E.Q. -- being able to understand one's own feelings and the feelings of
others as well as being able to control one's own emotions and exercise self control -- is
thought to be more important for success in life than I.Q., or intelligence quotient.

Empathy can also be an important factor in teaching kids what bullying is and how not to
engage in bullying behavior. Teaching empathy is thus an important foundation in preventing
bullying in school.

How Parents can Encourage Emotional Intelligence and Empathy in Their Children

While some people mistakenly believe that empathy is something we are born with and
therefore either naturally have or don't have, the fact is that it is a skill that can be taught.
Here are some ways parents can try teaching empathy and boost their child's emotional
intelligence.

Make sure your child's own emotional needs are met. In order for a child to be able to feel
and express empathy for someone else, her own emotional needs must first be met. She must

be able to count on her parents and caregivers to provide emotional support before she can
provide it to someone else.

Teach your child how to cope with negative emotions. It's natural for kids and adults to
experience negative emotions such as anger and jealousy. But a child who is taught how to
handle these feelings in a positive, problem-solving way by sympathetic parents is more
likely to have strong emotional intelligence and empathy.

Ask, "How would you feel?" Kids are naturally-geared toward empathy. Even a toddler who
sees someone in obvious emotional distress is likely to show sympathy, such as trying to
comfort that person. At the same time, young children are inherently self-centered beings.
When a preschooler hits a sibling or a friend or takes away a toy they are playing with, for
instance, a parent needs to explain that such behavior can hurt another person physically or
emotionally. Try saying something like, "How would you feel if someone took your toy
away?" or "How would you feel if someone hit you?"

Name that feeling. To help your child understand emotions and feelings, identify and label
them as much as possible. If your child behaves kindly toward someone, such as by trying to
comfort a crying baby or friend, say, "That was very nice of you to be so worried about your
friend; I'm sure it made him feel much better when you were so kind to him." If your child
behaves in an unkind or negative way, say, "I know you may feel angry but it made your
friend sad when you took his toy from him."

Talk about positive and negative behaviors around you. We are constantly exposed to
examples of good and bad behavior in real life and in books, TV, and movies. Talk with your
child about the behavior you see, such as someone making another person sad or acting like a
bully or, conversely, someone helping others and making people feel better about themselves.
Discuss the different types of behavior and their effects.

Set a good example. Your child learns about how to interact with people by watching you and
other adults in her life. Show her what it means to be a charitable person or how to be kind
and loving. By helping family members and neighbors or supporting friends and others who
are in need or having a hard time, you will be teaching your child how to be an empathetic
person.

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Empathy - What Is Empathy

http://childparenting.about.com/od/socialdevelopment/a/teach_empathy_and_emotional_intel
ligence.htm

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