Do you need to change? Figure out if you need to change or not
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1) The document discusses how people are often pressured to change themselves based on negative comments from others, especially if they were raised in an environment that focused more on negatives than positives. 2) However, the document argues that people usually want you to change for their own benefit, not yours, and that you should not feel like you need to change just because someone tells you to. 3) Some key points are to embrace your negative emotions rather than feel uncomfortable by them, listen to your inner voice about when and how to change rather than others, and see the potential positives in qualities others see as negatives.
Do you need to change? Figure out if you need to change or not
- 1. MykimTran Knowing when to change YOU
- 2. “The moment you start changing to please people, you will be taking a step backward.” Joel Osteen
- 3. Introduction Have you ever heard a negative comment about you, and then ran off to try to change yourself?
- 4. Negative environment • If you answer yes to the question, then you have been raised up in a family that is more focused on the negative than the positive outcomes • For example, as a young child, whenever you do something positive, your parents are unlikely to celebrate for your success • Your parents think that positive outcomes are normal behaviors that should not get much attention or acknowledgement
- 5. Pressure to change • Every time you do something wrong, your parents would put a lot of pressure on you to try to change you • If you do not change, you will get punished As a young age, you will make a lot of mistakes, which means you will be pressured to change a lot As a result, you build the habit to believe that you need to change every time someone gives you a bad comment
- 6. Conflict in adulthood • When you reach adulthood and be able to think for yourself, you will develop a conflict within yourself because of your habit • For example, when someone tells you to change, but as an adult, sometimes you believe that you should not change • However, when you do not change, you will feel guilty or ashamed because of the habit you developed to believe that you should change every time someone gives you a bad comment
- 7. People want you to change for their benefit • Did you know that when someone tells you to change, it is not you, but it is the other person who need to change? • The only reason why someone tells you to change is because they cannot control their negative emotions when they interact with you • Whenever people feel uncomfortable, they want to change the situation instantly to get out of the uncomfortable zone • People would rather tell you to change instead of themselves, because it is easier for them • So, it is not for your own benefit when people tell you to change, but it is for the other person own benefit
- 8. Dr. Daniel Amen’s rule According to Dr. Daniel Amen, who developed a simple rule called “18/40/60.” he stated that: “When you’re 18, you worry about what everybody is thinking of you; when you’re 40, you don’t give a darn what anybody thinks of you; when you’re 60, you realize nobody’s been thinking about you at all.”
- 9. Taking care of oneself is more than enough responsibility • If you really think about it, why would other people worry about your life when they have their own life to worry about? • Taking care of one’s self is more than enough work and responsibility already to have time to think about other people • Also, if you are always worrying about what other people think of you, then you would not have enough time to worry about yourself
- 10. Control your negative emotions • If you ever find yourself wanting to change because someone else tells you to, then it means that you cannot control your negative emotions • When you hear negative comments about yourself, you will feel uncomfortable that will influence you to want to change
- 11. Embrace your negative emotions • It is important for you to learn how to embrace and accept your negative emotions because they are a part of you • When you are able to embrace your negative emotions, then it does not matter what other people say or do, you will never feel uncomfortable, which means that you will never feel that you need to change
- 12. Listen to your heart Deep down in your heart, if you believe that you need to change, then you would change already without waiting for anyone to tell you When it is the right time for you to change, your heart will tell you
- 13. “I will change when I wish or need to change, when the moment for change is ripe. Until then I will remain as I am.” Stacey Charter
- 14. Action Steps 1. Write down what people are saying that is negative about you, and then figure out how you can turn it into a positive quality
- 15. Turn your negative to positive • For example, if someone told you that being a talkative person is a negative thing, then think of situations where being talkative is a positive thing • Being talkative means that you are more comfortable being around other people and not afraid to share your opinions compared to another person who is shy • Sometimes your high energy level will help ease up the environment to help other people who are shy to feel more comfortable to speak up and share
- 16. There is a positive side to everything Remember, it does not matter what people say, there is always a positive side to everything When you turn your negative qualities into positive qualities, you will never have to change yourself ever again because what other people see as negative, they are positive to you
- 17. Free offer If you would like a free downloadable of my book: “Self-Esteem Building: How to live your life as YOU.” Log onto www.mykimtran.com