Engineering mechanics 4th Edition K. L. Kumar
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- 5. Engineering mechanics 4th Edition K. L. Kumar Digital Instant Download Author(s): K. L. Kumar; Veenu Kumar ISBN(s): 9780070681811, 0070681813 Edition: 4 File Details: PDF, 6.42 MB Year: 2011 Language: english
- 6. ENGINEERING MECHANICS Fourth Fully Revised and Enlarged Edition
- 7. Meet the Authors Krishan Lall Kumar is currently a Professor at the Faculty of Engineering and Technology, University of Botswana, Africa. Prior to this, he has spent many fruitful years at the Indian Institute of Technology Delhi, formerly as Professor and Head of Applied Mechanics and later as Professor and Head of Educational Technology. During the intervening years, he served as UNESCO Expert and ChiefTechnicalAdvisor in the Middle East. He has presented research papers at several international conferences and published refereed and reviewed papers. His background includes a Bachelor’s degree from the University of Delhi, a Master’s degree from the Indian Institute of Technology, Roorkee (formerly University of Roorkee) and a PhD from the Imperial College of Science and Technology, London. Veenu Kumar is the coauthor of this book and manager to Prof. Kumar. She graduated from Jamia Millia Islamia, New Delhi, in 1998, having obtained the top position in B Tech (Electronics and Telecom Engineering). Thereafter, she pursued a master’s degree in Business Management MBA (2001) from the University of Roorkee (now IIT Roorkee). She is currently based in Bangalore and prefers to operate from her residence cum office.
- 10. ENGINEERING MECHANICS K L Kumar Professor, Faculty of Engineering and Technology University of Botswana, Gaborone (Formerly: Professor, IIT Delhi and UNESCO Expert) Veenu Kumar Coauthor/Manager B Tech (Electronics and Telecom, Jamia Millia Islamia, New Delhi) MBA (IIT Roorkee) Tata McGraw Hill Education Private Limited NEW DELHI McGraw-Hill Offices New Delhi New York St. Louis San Francisco Auckland Bogotá Caracas Kuala Lumpur Lisbon London Madrid Mexico City Milan Montreal San Juan Santiago Singapore Sydney Tokyo Toronto Fourth Fully Revised and Enlarged Edition
- 11. The McGraw.Hill Companies Tata McGraw-Hill Published by the Tata McGraw Hill Education Private Limited, 7 West Patel Nagar, New Delhi 110 008. E s Copyright © 2011, 2003, 1998, 1990, 1986 by Tata McGraw Hill Education Private Limited. No part of this publication may be reproduced or distributed in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording, or otherwise or stored in a database or retrieval system without the prior written permission of the publishers. The program listings (if any) may be entered, stored and executed in a computer system, but they may not be reproduced for publication. This edition can be exported from India only by the publishers, Tata McGraw Hill Education Private Limited ISBN (13): 978-0-07-068181-1 ISBN (10): 0-07-068181-3 Vice President and Managing Director—McGraw-Hill Education, Asia Pacific Region: Ajay Shukla Head—Higher Education Publishing and Marketing: Vibha Mahajan Manager—Sponsoring, SEM and Tech. Ed.: Shalini Jha Editorial Executive: Tina Jajoriya Executive—Editorial Services: Sohini Mukherjee Senior Production Manager: Satinder Singh Senior Production Manager: P L Pandita Dy Marketing Manager: SEM & Tech Ed: Biju Ganesan General Manager—Production: Rajender P Ghansela Asst. General Manager—Production: B L Dogra Information contained in this work has been obtained byTata McGraw-Hill, from sources believed to be reliable. However, neither Tata McGraw-Hill nor its authors guarantee the accuracy or completeness of any information published herein, and neither Tata McGraw-Hill nor its authors shall be responsible for any errors, omissions, or damages arising out of use of this information. This work is published with the understanding that Tata McGraw-Hill and its authors are supplying information but are not attempting to render engineering or other professional services. If such services are required, the assistance of an appropriate professional should be sought. Typeset at Mukesh Technologies Pvt. Ltd., #10, 100 Feet Road, Ellapillaichavadi, Pondicherry 605 005 and printed at Gopal Jee Enterprises, 190/5, Main Road, Maujpur, Delhi 110 053 Cover: SDR RAXQCRQZDDYDB
- 12. Contents Preface xiii Terminal Objectives xvi Notation xix P s s s E s W W 1.1 Engineering and ‘Engineering Sciences’ 6 1.2 Mechanics and its Relevance to Engineering 7 1.3 Different Formulations of Mechanics 8 1.4 Foundational Concepts 9 1.5 Frames of Reference 10 1.6 Idealisation of Bodies 10 1.7 External and Internal Forces 12 1.8 Principle of Transmissibility of Force 12 1.9 Concept of Free-Body Diagram 13 1.10 Laws of Motion 14 1.11 Law of Gravitation—Weight of a Body 18 Concept Review Questions 19 Multiple-Choice Questions 20 R R s R1.1 SI Units and Base Units 25 R1.2 SI Derived Units with New Names 26 R1.3 Units of Some Common Physical Quantities 26 R1.4 Multiples and Submultiples 27 R1.5 Some Conversion Factors 28 R1.6 Values of Some Useful Constants 28 R1.7 Properties of Water, Mercury and Air 29 Test Your SI Power 29 R s R2.1 Numbers, Scalars and Vectors 31 R2.2 Addition of Vectors 34 R2.3 Resolution of Vectors 35 R2.4 Concept of Products 41 R2.5 Derivatives and Integrals of Vectors 47 R2.6 Gradient, Divergence and Curl 50 R2.7 Some Vector Operations 50 R2.8 Position Vector, Displacement, Velocity and Acceleration 50 R2.9 Some Other Vector Quantities 55 Concept Review Questions 62 Tutorial Problems 63 Multiple-Choice Questions 65
- 13. Contents viii s s s 2.1 Force and Moment Concepts 67 2.2 Force Fields: Linear, Plane and Spatial 69 2.3 Distributed Force Fields 70 2.4 Force System Acting on a Body 71 2.5 Resultant of a Force System 72 2.6 Principle of Parallel Transfer of a Force 73 2.7 Resultant of a Concurrent Force System 77 2.8 Resultant of a Parallel Force System 80 2.9 Resultant of a Coplanar Force System 84 2.10 Resultant of a Spatial Force System 90 2.11 Gravitational Force Field 92 2.12 Hydrostatic Force Field 93 Concept Review Questions 94 Tutorial Problems 95 Multiple-Choice Questions 101 E PER E E E B E1 EQUILIBRIUM UNDER COPLANAR FORCES 112 E2 EQUILIBRIUM UNDER SPATIAL FORCES 134 E3 FORCES IN A PLANE TRUSS 155 E4 FORCES IN A SPACE FRAME 168 E5 SHEAR FORCE AND BENDING MOMENT IN A BEAM 196 E6 COEFFICIENT OF STATIC FRICTION 207 E7 PERFORMANCE OF SIMPLE LIFTING MACHINES 238 E8 MOMENT OF INERTIA OF A BODY 446 E9 LOOPING THE LOOP 473 E10 CONSERVATION OF ANGULAR MOMENTUM—A HUMAN EXPERIENCE 492 E11 PRINCIPLE AND ACTION OF A GYROSCOPE—A HUMAN EXPERIENCE 508 E12 COEFFICIENT OF RESTITUTION 525 E13 OSCILLATION OF A SIMPLE PENDULUM 611 E14 MULTIPLE ELASTIC IMPACTS 613 E15 OSCILLATION OF A COMPOUND PENDULUM 630 E P R B 3.1 Equilibrium Concept in Mechanics 102 3.2 Free-Body Diagrams 104 3.3 Reactions by Supports 106 3.4 Equilibrium of a Particle 109 3.5 Equilibrium of a Rigid Body 116 3.6 Equilibrium of a System of Particles 118 Concept Review Questions 135 Tutorial Problems 136 Multiple-Choice Questions 140
- 14. Contents ix s s s S1.1 Types of Structures 145 S1.2 Internal Forces: Tension and Compression 149 S1.3 Analysis by the Method of Joints 149 S1.4 Analysis by the Method of Sections 157 S1.5 Analysis by the Method of Tension Coefficients 164 Concept Review Questions 170 Tutorial Problems 170 Multiple-Choice Questions 173 B s s B s S2.1 Types of Beams 174 S2.2 Shear Force and Bending Moment at a Cross-Section in a Beam 176 S2.3 Shear Force Diagram for a Beam 178 S2.4 Bending Moment Diagram for a Beam 179 S2.5 General Relation between Loading, Shear and Bending Moment 180 Concept Review Questions 197 Tutorial Problems 198 Multiple-Choice Questions 199 s S3.1 Friction and Impending Motion 201 S3.2 Rolling Resistance 212 S3.3 Sliding and Rolling of Cylinders 213 S3.4 Band-Brake and Belt Friction 217 S3.5 Lifting by a Screw Jack 223 S3.6 Disc and Bearing Friction 226 S3.7 Input/Output of Simple Machines 231 Concept Review Questions 240 Tutorial Problems 241 Multiple-Choice Questions 245 ss G 4.1 Introduction 246 4.2 Concept of First Moment 247 4.3 Definitions of Centroid, Centre of Mass and Gravity 248 4.4 Centroid of a Length 248 4.5 Centroids of a Composite Length 251 4.6 Centroid of an Area 252 4.7 Theorems of Pappus-Guldinus 261 4.8 Centroid of a Volume 264 4.9 Centre of Mass 267 4.10 Centre of Gravity 272 Concept Review Questions 277 Tutorial Problems 277 Multiple-Choice Questions 280
- 15. Contents x s P 8 5.1 Kinematic Concepts 281 5.2 Motion Referred to Fixed Rectangular Coordinates 282 5.3 Rectilinear Motion of a Point 284 5.4 Motion Referred to Cylindrical Polar Coordinates 287 5.5 Motion Referred to Path Coordinates 294 5.6 Plane Motion of a Point: Gravitational Field 298 5.7 Motion Referred to Moving Frames of Reference 308 Concept Review Questions 323 Tutorial Problems 324 Multiple-Choice Questions 329 s P ss s 6.1 Introduction 331 6.2 Equation of Motion 333 6.3 D’Alembert Principle: Inertia Forces 345 6.4 Work, Power and Energy 347 6.5 Work–Energy Principle 360 6.6 Conservation of Mechanical Energy 362 6.7 Impulse of a Force 365 6.8 Impulse–Momentum Principle 365 6.9 Conservation of Momentum 366 6.10 Moment of Momentum 372 6.11 Moment of Momentum Equation 373 6.12 Conservation of Moment of Momentum 373 Concept Review Questions 377 Tutorial Problems 378 Multiple-Choice Questions 382 s R B 8 7.1 Introduction 384 7.2 Types of Motion 385 7.3 Fixed-Axis Rotation 389 7.4 Plane Motion of a Rigid Body 389 7.5 Rigid-Body Motion of Fluids 392 7.6 Instantaneous Centre of Rotation 392 7.7 Relative Velocity and Acceleration for Points on a Rigid Body 395 Concept Review Questions 413 Tutorial Problems 414 Multiple-Choice Questions 418 8 ss 8.1 Introduction 419 8.2 Inertial Concepts: Area 420 8.3 Parallel-Axis Theorem: Area 424 8.4 Moment of Inertia of Composite Sections 428 8.5 Principal Axes and Principal Moments of Inertia: Area 432 8.6 Inertial Concepts: Mass 435 8.7 Moments of Inertia of Thin Plates 440 8.8 Parallel-Axis Theorem (Mass Moment of Inertia) 441
- 16. Contents xi 8.9 Moment of Inertia of Composite Bodies 444 Concept Review Questions 454 Tutorial Problems 455 Multiple-Choice Questions 458 s R B 9.1 Introduction 459 9.2 Translation of a Rigid Body 459 9.3 Rotation of a Rigid Body about a Fixed Principal Axis 463 9.4 Plane Motion of a Rigid Body 467 9.5 Work–Energy Formulation for Plane Motion 476 9.6 Impulse–Momentum Formulation for Plane Motion 487 9.7 General Motion of a Rigid Body 497 9.8 Gyroscopic Action 501 Concept Review Questions 509 Tutorial Problems 511 Multiple-Choice Questions 516 s s B s D1.1 Introductory Concepts 521 D1.2 Types of impact 521 D1.3 Coefficient of Restitution 523 D1.4 Plane Central Collision 527 D1.5 Collision of a Small Body with a Massive Body 529 Concept Review Questions 545 Tutorial Problems 545 Multiple-Choice Questions 548 s D2.1 Introductory Concepts 550 D2.2 Acceleration Due to Gravity(Above and below the surface of the earth) 551 D2.3 Trajectories for Central Force Motion 554 D2.4 Energy Expended for Different Trajectories 560 D2.5 Launching of Satellites at an Angle 562 D2.6 Astronomical Facts and Laws of Kepler 565 Concept Review Questions 576 Tutorial Problems 577 Multiple-Choice Questions 578 W P E P s 10.1 Introduction 579 10.2 Virtual Work 579 10.3 Principle of virtual work 581 10.4 Principle of Potential Energy 586 10.5 Generalised coordinates 592 Concept Review Questions 593 Tutorial Problems 594 Multiple-Choice Questions 596
- 17. Contents xii s s s 8 11.1 Elements of Mechanical Systems 598 11.2 Simple Dynamical Systems 601 11.3 Features of Vibrating Systems 602 11.4 Linear Free Vibrations 606 11.5 Angular Free Vibrations 617 11.6 Pendulum Motions 623 Concept Review Questions 636 Tutorial Problems 637 Multiple-Choice Questions 640 s Properties of Plane Figures 643 Properties of Solid Bodies 647 Hints to Tutorial Problems 651 Index 672
- 18. Preface This edition is a reincarnation of the popular textbook born in 1986!The book begins with glimpses of the fas- cinations in mechanics by way of some possible applications. It is new in all respects—computer-composed text and figures, all revised and improved additional solved examples and well-arranged experiments in order to make things clear to teachers and students alike. We would like to express our gratitude to all the teachers and students who provided useful feedback. This edition should make them glad they did! I hope that students of Civil, Mechanical, Electrical, Electronics, Chemical, Aero, Agricultural and other engineering and design disciplines find this book a worthwhile possession in their initial course until design projects, and thereafter as reference in their working life. Chapters on applications of Statics and Dynamics, e.g., S1, S2, …, D1, D2, … have been designed to ‘stand alone’ so that teachers and students may suit their curricula and gain greater flexibility in their sequence of teaching–learning. It is more comprehensive than the syllabus of any single university or institution, thereby enabling it to cater to the syllabi of different universities. Let me also add that, in revising the text, I have retained all the positive aspects of the book, i.e., emphasis on concepts, abundance of examples, extent of coverage, review questions and problems, experimentation in mechanics, etc. Here are some of the highlights of this edition: • Glimpses of the Fascinations of Studying Mechanics at the beginning • Terminal Objectives, i.e., Intended Student Abilities for all chapters • Review of SI Units and Vector Operations for ease of use by the students • Separate Chapters on Applications of Statics • Completely revised figures and text for all chapters • Separate Chapters on Applications of Dynamics • More Solved Examples with alternative solutions and comments • Experiments in mechanics in different chapters, as appropriate • Concept-review questions and Multiple-choice questions for all chapters • Hints for solutions to all Tutorial problems at the end of the book • Your Feedback Form for the authors for subsequent editions • Comprehensive Pedagogy including the following – 330 Figures – 15 Laboratory Experiments with relevant topics – 111 Concept Review Questions – 341 Tutorial Problems – 115 Multiple Choice Questions To give you a brief overview of what you’ll find if you mechanically flip through this book: is designed to refresh your memory with foundational concepts that you may have consigned to oblivion at vacation time. It introduces the subject formally and establishes Newton’s second law as the ‘law of motion’. The Review section should rake up your memory of SI units and vector operations. takes you on an exhaustive journey through forces and force systems—bringing out the concept of resultant forces and moments—while experiments with the conditions necessary for equilibrium. This chapter
- 19. xiv lays the foundation of Statics and leads us to its applications covered in Section S on Simple Structures, Thin Beams and Systems with Friction including simple machines. Discover why it’s important to compute the centroid, centre of mass and centre of gravity of an object in which enables us to determine the central points for lengths, areas, volume, mass and weight! is where things begin to move and deals with their motion under the application of forces. In these chapters, among other things, enrich your knowledge of the kinematics and dynamics of a particle. Allow yourself the flexibility to analyze rigid bodies in s , and don’t overlook 8 in a moment of inertia! Applications of dynamics are dealt with in section D; these are Impact of Two Bodies in Section D1 and Central Force Motion in Section D2. Did you know that virtual work can be hard work too? is a little digression on Virtual Work, Potential Energy andWork-Energy principles.And finally, swing along to to create and investigate vibrations of some simple mechanical systems. I invite you all to go through the book, use it and let me know if it helps you to learn the subject by way of building your fundas. I have added ‘Hints to Tutorial Problems’ for all problems at the end of different chap- ters and placed the same at the end. The idea is to give you some assistance in solving the problems as and when you need it! It would reduce the teacher’s task a bit and it should promote self-learning by the students. That is really my intention in these days of self-reliance and fast pace of learning. Acknowledgements are due to all those staff members, who have contributed by way of feedback and additional information; also to Tata McGraw Hill who have patiently worked to produce it elegantly. Writing, revising and updating a good book is a massive job; I have taken Ms , a qualified scholar, as my coauthor and manager who has indeed done a great deal of work in bringing out this reincarna- tion. I trust that the readers will give her all the support she deserves to keep the book at the leading edge! Enjoy learning the subject, dear students and teachers! If you like the book, tell everyone else. And if you don’t, tell me! s kumarkl@gmail.com illusionwise@yahoo.com Publisher’s Note A number of experts took pains to provide valuable feedback about the book. Our heartfelt gratitude goes out to those whose names are given below. Indian Institute of Technology (IIT) Kanpur, Uttar Pradesh Aligarh Muslim University Aligarh, Uttar Pradesh P Maulana Abdul National Institute of Technology (MANIT) Bhopal, Madhya Pradesh R Centre for Water Resources Studies (CWRS) National Institute of Technology, Patna (NITP) Bihar Preface
- 20. xv Preface s B Indian Institute of Technology (IIT) Kharagpur, West Bengal Haldia Institue of Technology Haldia, West Bengal R s A C College of Engineering and Technology Karaikudi, Andhra Pradesh Arulmigu Kalasalingam College of Engineering Tamil Nadu R R Vasavi Engineering College, Osmania University Hyderabad Vidayvardhini’s College of Engineering and Technology Thane, Maharashtra Tata McGraw-Hill invites comments, views and suggestions from readers, all of which can be sent to tmh.corefeedback@gmail.com, mentioning the title and author’s name in the subject line. Feel free to report any piracy spotted by you as well!
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- 22. good Sum by her, which would infallibly be at his devotion; my credulous young Gamester greedily swallowed my advice, and followed to a hair my dictations; having won her (for I know not who could withstand him) he came to me, and informed me of the time, and place, that he should commence those delights they intended to continue as long as life lasted; being joyful of this opportunity, I presently addrest my self to my Mistris, giving an account to her of her friends new courtship, and when it should be consumated; advising her to watch them, and catch them in the act, by which means she should be freed from his future addresses, and likewise confirm her Maids secresie and fidelity to her. All which she performed, by threatning her Maid to turn her away, and shame her to boot, if ever she associated her self, or entertained him again in her house; and calling him false, faithless man, and I know not what, banisht him for ever from her presence for his unconstancy. The next Dick I pickt up for her was a man of a colour as contrary to the former, as light is to darkness, being swarthy; whose hair was as black as a sloe; middle statur’d, well set, both strong and active, a man so universally tryed, and so fruitfully succesful, that there was hardly any female within ten miles gotten with child in hugger- mugger, but he was more than suspected to be Father of all the legitimate. Yet this too, proved an ineffectual Operator. She now began to suspect herself of barrenness; but being prompted with hopes, and strangely induced by the sense of pleasure which she reapt in the variety of her amorous Confidents, she resolved on a third, a Gentle-man of her own election, who having been a considerable time a Student in the Inns of Court, was returned into the Country, to enjoy that plentiful estate his lately deceas’d father had left him, the antient Seat of his Ancestors; of stature so low, that he could but just take the upper-hand of a dwarf, being only elevated by the pole above him. She was fain at first to Court him, instead of his courting her: and indeed, I could not see how he could presume (without her encouragement) to caress a Gyantess, so much taller than himself.
- 23. There was not so great a disproportion in their bodies, as there were conformity and agreeableness in their wills; and that the Soul of his which was coopt up, and confined within too narrow limits, became more active and vigorous; so that attacking her with a lively and sprightful courage possessed himself of the garrison without a tedious siege of a 12 months courtship, his hair was of a darkish brown, or chest-nut colour, not handsome enough to be a woman, yet too fair to be a man. Though he was not tall, yet nature exprest no irregularity in his formation: being symmetrical, or proportionably composed from the lines of his face you might have collected Capital Letters enough to have spelt a Gentleman; and not an action, or expression of his (excepting this of his too intimate familiarity with another mans wife) which did not largely declare the immensity of his Soul, and the virtues that thereunto belonged. So dearly she loved him, (that notwithstanding he did not answer her expeditions in making her Belly swell) she so doted on his Company, and converse, that she gave her husband too many palpable causes to suspect her honesty, and integrity towards him. Not, but that for the sake of an Heir, (which he question’d whether he should ever get himself) he would be content to wink (as he hath done several times) at the freedome his wife hath taken with several others besides himself. But looking on my little dapper squire to be to little for that purpose, and that would come short home, as to that business, took an occasion to affront him, that it might produce a quarrel, that should eloign him from his house, and further intimacy with his wife. However, though he had low and undervaluing thoughts of this Gentleman, by reason of his stature, yet he found him in field, full as tall as himself in true valour, being (as we say) mettle to the back. It was the hap of this Gentleman to be desperately wounded by the lesser, and so dangerously, that it was supposed his wounds would end all the future differences between them; however recovering this Combate separated them eternally. My Mistris was so well acquainted with the loss of her Gallants, that she was not much troubled to be deprived of the society of this last;
- 24. but all her trouble was, to get another in his room. Shee applyed her self to me again, her undeceiving Oracle, and received her accustomed comfort, that in a little time I would procure her another, that should out-throw the rest, at least a Barrs length; I was not long in the procuration; for there was a Gentleman that frequented our House, who spent his money very freely, yet had not a foot of land, neither had he any trade, or tools, but the high way, sword and pistol to bring him in a lively hood. He was a lusty well set man, and red-hair’d; a complexion that hath often gone through- stich. I had often tryed him my self, and therefore I could the better recommend him to a friend. One day (his stock being low, and he at that time in our house) he desired me to lend him half a peice. I being glad of this opportunity, told him I would, and withall desired to confer with him in private; he joyfully accepted my motion, thinking I had some secret design to take my accustomed use for the loan; but he was strangly surprized, and even distracted with excessive joy, when he heard me tell him, what a Mistris I had provided for him; that he should have his belly full of sporting, & be liberally paid for it too. We appointed the day when I should introduce him into his new Mistriss’s acquaintance, but with this condition, that I should share with him in his gettings. It was concluded on, and he possest of his Treasure, to the full content of them both. My House was now his constant receptacle, or dormitory, but when he was in the embraces of his mistress; and he was very honest in giving me my share, my half part, and commonly spent the rest (to my advantage) of what he had received; and to the intent the more might come into my pocket, I advised her by all means not to starve his service, but incourage him often with sums of money; urging moreover, that the poor Gentleman could not but be at great charges in maintaining himself in a strange place, exiling himself freely from his own habitation, to be near at her Command; beside the great expence he is daily at in costly broths, jellies, with other provocatives, or restorers of decai’d nature. I needed not to have tempted her to liberality, she being naturally prone thereunto; always extravagantly rewarding kindnesses of this
- 25. nature. She began now to grow very pensive, and unusually melancholy, to see all her swelling hopes thus dasht; and was not so sociable as she used to be with her friend; which gave him some cause to suspect her inconstancie, or that she would speedily desert him, and accept some other; which put him on the contrivance to save something, that might be a support to him, if his sallary should fail, or at leastwise keep him alive, till his Country-Contributions, or padding incomes should supply his profuse, and unnecessary expences. When ever he came, she entertain’d him with such an undeserved franckness, that she concealed nothing from him, that might either please his fancie, or satisfie his curiosity. Understanding she was admirable at her Needle, he desired her to shew him some pieces of her art, that he might by the applauding of the one admire the other. She readily condescended to what he propounded; being glad he had demanded a thing which came within the verge of her power to please him withal. Opening a large Cypress-Chest, she shew’d him great variety of excellent pieces of her own hand-working; and withal he discovered several bags cramm’d with other pieces, which he had a greater minde to handle; which I conceiv’d she shew’d him out of meer ostentation, telling him withal, that as long as one penny was in them his pockets should not be unfurnisht with money; and that when all those bags were emptied, her Husbands annual estate would quickly fill them again, and six times as many. This assurance of having his constant stipend continued, prevailed not in the least on this Caret-pated villains ingrateful designs; but he resolved, with the first opportunity, to make himself Master of those sums, although he knew he must unavoydably lose his Mistress thereby; the next morning she sent for him, to acquaint him, that her Husband was gone some twenty miles off, and that he would not return in five days, having 300 lib. to receive of such a man, naming the place where he lived. This damn’d Dog, hearing this, caper’d for joy, which the poor Innocent believed, proceeded from his thinking what a long time he had to enjoy his Mistress uncontroulably:
- 26. whereas it was otherwise, for now he knew how to kill two Birds with one stone. However, that she might not mistrust him as guilty of any treachery, he behaved himself so pleasantly and his Caresses were so agreeable, that his Mistress esteem’d her self the happiest woman in the world, in the enjoyment of the person of so facetious, and most accomplisht Lover; nay, so fond she was of his company, that she was resolved to make the most of him in her husbands absence; and therefore caused him to lie in the house, not induring him out of her sight, till the day before her husbands returne; at which time he walkt out: what feastings, junketings and jollitings together there were in that time, none are better able to conceive than such who, with their large purses, have inlarged hearts, caring not how dear the purchase is, so that the pleasure be great, though not of two minutes lasting. You must understand, that I went snips with him in these delights, as well as in his profits; I had a liquorish tooth still in my head, and therefore would not be out of call, to participate with them in their Viands, and Banquetings; Indeed, I was ever an excellent smell feast. The day (wherein he went abroad, as I told you) was the cursed time in which he procured assistants, to carry on his hellish plot, which had like to have proved my utter ruine. It seems he appointed them about four of the clock in the evening to come to the Gentlewomans house, where (as before) we were all making merry; and knowing the strength of the house, there being never a man at home, the Groom being gone with his Master, and only a foot-boy left, he appointed only two that should manage the design beside himself; who knocking at the gate, and the foot-boy opening it to them, they instantly seiz’d him, both binding, and gagging him. Having bolted the Gate, they advanced into the house, and seemingly very peaceful, they mounted the stairs, having secured those who were below in the same manner, as they had done the boy; as soon I saw two men now entring the Chamber, where we were, I then concluded that we were betrai’d, and that the principal Traytor was our supposed friend; I hereupon opened as wide as my
- 27. jaws would give me leave; which one of the rogues perceiving, clapt a gag within my mouth, and so kept them at that gaping distance, the Rogues might have had some consideration before they had served me thus, as knowing I had few teeth to barricadoe my gums from the injury they might receive from that confounded instrument which stretcht my mouth asunder. The good Gentlewoman, seeing how barbarously they handled me, did not question they would exercise the like cruelty next on her; to prevent which, she fell on her knees, beseeching them not to abuse her, and throwing them the keyes of what they lookt for, bid they take what they pleased. Her accursed Villain had the impudence to view the tears run down her lovely cheeks, without the least remorse, or pity on a soul so dearly loved him, he only raised her with his hands, assuring her, she should receive no other injurie than the loss of what money she shewed him, and his eternal happiness; for I know Madam (said he) how insatiate you are, how variable, how changeable upon the slightest occasion; I am not insensible what variety you have already tyred (the more to blame me that imforced him;) and how many more you intend, may be sufficiently drawn from your unsatisfied humour, and inconstant nature. And now if you love your life, stir not till we are gone; and thank our lenity, that we have not secured you other-wayes. Taking up the money, every one carrying a part; hold (said one) we have forgot something yet, that Ladies hands must be tyed, least she ungag that serious and now silent Matron there: her hands and legs must be tyed too, lest she talk or walk to fright us. Having so done, come now let us go (said the Red headed Traytor) it is high time, lest that old witch swallow on of us; don’t you see how she gapes? God b’you (good Madam) you are bound to be constant now; dear Partner (pointing to me) farewell, I thank you for your procuration money, and so away they went; in less than half an hour the Gentlewoman had with her teeth set her hands at liberty, which soon gave my hands, feet, and tongue the like, and discending the stairs, we found the maids, and boy bound, and gagg’d; having loos’d them she whisper’d her boy in the ear, I knew not what, but it was to fetch a
- 28. Constable, which he did in an instant; and whilst I was condoleing my Friends loss, and misfortune, I was apprehended by her command, and conveyed to Goal, there to bewail my own too rigid fate. I cannot much blame her suspition of me, since there were arguments too many, and strong enough to perswade her I could not be innocent, and therefore what ever I alledged in my justification stood for a Cypher. I sent for my husband, with many other friends, but none of them could prevail with her from sending me to Prison; seeing there was no remedy, I was resolved to endure my confinement as patiently as I could. These three rogues had their horses not far off, ready sadled, which they mounting, rode directly in that road where they were sure to meet their prize; and as the Devil would have it, they waited not two hours, before they could perceive two riding directly towards them, and soon after could discern them to be the Gentleman and his groom; the first of an undaunted resolution, but weakly, by reason of a Chronical distemper, that had a long time afflicted him; his man, by his bulk, shape and looks, appeared like one that could teach a Guy of Warwick to fight, and give a president of such a valour, as only became a Royal Champion to own. The Gentleman was first commanded to stand and deliver, which he did, but it was a Pistol, which he discharged without any execution; they fired at him again; and wounding him in the sword arm, he dropt his sword, and whilst he was submitting to their disposal, his man sets spurs to his horse, and most valiantly ran for it; getting to the top of a little hill, not far distant, where turning his horse head, most manfully about, he had the confidence to look on, whilest the Thieves robb’d his Master. The gentleman seeing himself thus deserted by this lubberly- cowardly Hog driver was ready to burst with anger; but knew not how to come at him to be revenged; and therefore begg’d the robbers, in lieu of what money they had taken from him, to do him the kindness, to baste his man soundly that stood on yonder hill, as a meer looker on. I, I, said the one, I will give you that satisfaction
- 29. presently my self alone, and so setting spurs to his horse, rode up to him, and complemented him no otherwise at first, than with the flat of his sword, which notwithstanding made his sides and shoulders smart to some purpose; this great looby took all this with incredible patience; but the Pad by chance cutting him; nay, now said he, flesh and blood is not longer able to endure; and with that drew a broad two egg’d Scotch-sword, and handled it so well, that he cut this fellow off his horse presently; the other two seeing their fellow over- matcht, advanced with all speed, and both assaulted him at once: but he seeing them approach, and being now blooded, made ready to receive them by drawing a Pistol, which he fired so luckily, that the shot deprived him of one of his enemies more, and he had now no inequality of number to oppose him. Success had so flesht him, that he fought more like a Devil, than a man, laying about him backwards, and forwards; so that he disinabled the third, which was the first Plotter. Had his Master been able to fight, and there had been as many more against him, he so behaved himself, that there was no work for any to do but himself. Thus did this one man, who had never fought before (and therefore like an horse, knew not his own strength till it was tryed) conquer three, that were accounted Cocks of the Hectors. The Gentlemen searching their Portmancicks, and finding 400 lib. was amazed at so considerable a purchase; and securing it, with this surviving Rogue, and their Horses, rode directly to the next Justice; where leaving the Booty in his hands for the present, the Prisoner had his mittimus drawn up, and was sent to the same Gaol his Landlady, the Hostess was in. Notwithstanding all those disguizes he made use of to seem another man, he was known by me, and received from me a whole broad side of just reproaches; which had like to have sunk him deeper, than the pressures of his present misfortunes could do. What (said I) did you not live too much at your ease? had you not but too much plenty, which took you off those desperate courses, or might have done, which would without doubt have brought you to the Gallowes in the end; but having so little regard to your own wellfare, I could not expect much from you
- 30. as to mine; though gratitude might have commanded you to have studyed my preservation, although you should hourly hazard your own. Instead of applying smooth, and soothing answers (which might have been as Cordials, or Balsom to my wounded mind) he gave me this corrasive, this Choak-pear, that if I would not hold my clack, which dinn’d his ears worse than the Catarachts of Nile, he would declare before the Bench, upon his tryal, that he would never have done so foul a fact, but by my instigation; and that if I held not my tongue, he assured me, that (since he knew that it was impossible for him to escape with life) he loved me so well, that I should dye with him, to bear him company in the other world. Perceiving what his desperate resolution was, I thought good to alter the Scene of my chat, and beg him to be patient; assuring him, that what I had said was not out of any ill will, but to make him sensible how much I was his friend at all times; and that my own imprisonment (for his sake) troubled me not so much, as the danger that he was in; and that he might accuse me, if he pleased, and so endanger my suffering with him; but I charged, withall, his Conscience with my innocencie in, and ignorance of what he and his accomplices had acted, contrary to my privity. It was some comfort to hear him then acknowledge before a great many witnesses, that I was no way accessary to his guilt; and when the Assizes came, he acknowledged upon his Arraignment, that none abetted, or were concerned in what he had done, and there stood arraigned for, but himself and two others, which were slain in the contest. Whereupon I was discharged by Proclamation of Court, none coming in against me; and he received sentence of death, which was accordingly executed three dayes afterward; he then again at the Gallows declaring to the spectators my innocencie in his robbery. This Confession of his, I thought, would as well reintroduce me into the favour of the abused Gentlewoman, my former friend, as by his suffering death give full satisfaction to her inraged revenge. In order thereunto, after my Gaol delivery, I sent her several Letters to pacifie her passion, and imployed several friends to acquaint her with the reallity of my former fidelity, and present integrity: at length they so
- 31. far mediated with her in my behalf, that she sent for me (when her Husband was abroad) and in the walks of her Garden, discourst me largely, as to whatever had past between us, or anybody else by my means. And now, said she, this last unhappy and unexpected villany from a friend you procured me, and one I dearly loved, hath tyed up my hands from ever enjoying the like opportunities again. For my Husband finding that the purchase he took from the Thieves was but a Pig of his own Sow, his own money, and knowing the principal Robber to be the Person I often treated at our house with much civility, shrewdly suspects, that I not only consented to the Robbery, but would be easily induced to believe to his death too, were it not for the great loss he knows I should receive by his death if he should dye without issue. However he is much more cautious of me than he used to be, taking his money into his own custody, and he sets a watch over me to observe what company I keep abroad, or entertain in our house: and therefore, if ever you intend to redeem your former credit and estimation with me, study some project how I may carry on the design afore propounded, of having an Heir, that the Estate may not pass to the next Brother. A man I cannot but hate, for several weighty considerations. The crookedness of his disposition, and the unsuitableness of his humour to mine, were sufficient to make me not love him; but his insufferable wicked practises, both against me, and my Husband, make me absolutely detest the very sight of him. When I was first married (quoth she) I thought my self as capable of conception as any she that ever wore a head; & my husband being then healthful, & actively vigorous, soon confirming me, in the opinion of being a teeming woman: It seems I was with child, though I knew it not; and finding a great change and alteration in my body, I was so ignorant, as to believe I was breeding some ill humours, which, if not timely purged away, might ingender a disease that might prove my death. My Husbands Brother (which was wiser than my self in that point) knew very well I was breeding young bones, the growth of which would infallibly lift him out of all his flourishing hopes of enjoying his Brothers Estate; therefore out of a seeming tenderness, and vigilant care of the presevation of my health, followed my own perswations, with his
- 32. damn’d advice; and at the end I was induc’d to take a vomit to clear my stomack, he telling me, for certain, it might be very foul, since I was so frequently troubled with puking in the morning, and vomiting after Dinner. An Apothecary of his own procuring (with his Devilish instructions) made up the Composition, which, without imagining the least harm, I easily swallowed, which wrought with me so strongly, that, having nothing left within my stomack for it to work on, I thought it would have brought up my very heart within its appurtenances; the Devil of a Physitian all this while seemed to comfort me, by saying, be cheerful, Sister; this will clear you (and so it did of what it should not) and clense you of those malignant humours which so much prejudiced your healthful constitution; and that he might make sure work of me, counselled me to take a purge, and that would carry all downwards, and then my business was done; I poor easie fool, was quickly drawn to it, and the second time swallowed that, which the next day made what I went withal prove abortive. I had often seen, but more especially heard, that this Doctor was no sooner gone from his Patient, but he was immediatly in the Company of my brother, which made me, with a great deal of good reason, conjecture, they plotted no good together; wherefore I got two Doctors more to visit my Husband, who plainly told me, at the first sight (both agreeing in one opinion) that he was poysoned. Hearing them say so, I could not forbear; but, in the agony of my Spirit, cryed out, I know the Murderers; and their lives shall here, for the loss of his, make satisfaction in part, and in full, by their damnation hereafter. They desired me to be patient, assuring me that they would use their utmost skill to over-power the poyson; and doubtlessly he had dyed, had not these two eminent Artists bestirred themselves to purpose. In a little time they raised him on his feet (which made his former Doctor betake himself to his, having not been heard of by us since;) but they could not assure me how long it would be ere he would be down again; for (said they) he will be an infirm, impotent man, as long as he lives.
- 33. If now my hatred to my Husbands Brother be not justly grounded, do you judge; and I hope Heaven will not be offended with me, in finding out some way to disposses him of his hopes, in having the Estate, who rob’d me of my fruitfulness, and would have deprived my Husband of his life. Madam (said I) there is just now a plot come into my head; which if you please, shall be put in practice, and that is this. Since your Husband is thus infirm, and you barren, this must be the only way, which must crown your desires. I will immediately go upon the search for some young thing with Child, whether she be Wife, nor neither Maid, Wife, nor Widdow, it matters not; whom with large gifts, and larger promises, I will perswade to part with her Child, when born, and you shall lye in with it; let me alone to the management of all; but first, let me find out a Person suitable to our purpose, and I will warrant you to carry on the rest to your full satisfaction. I will instantly for London where I cannot miss of Subjects enough of this sort, out of which I may pick and choose. She liked this proposal so well, that she would not suffer me to stay a minute longer with her, but that I should instantly leave her, and make my self ready for my Journey; and thus far have I travelled in order to the finishing thereof, when I met with so blessed an opportunity, of falling into discourse with you, Dearest Madam, which I hope will tend to both our happinesses, if you will be ruled by me. Thus, said Mrs. Dorothy, I heard the whole relation of her self, and others, with great attention: and thought it was now my Cue to speak, which I did in this manner, not only cautelously, but with much seeming reservedness. Mother (for so, by the disparity of our Age, I make bold to call you) the account you give of your self is so monstrously wicked that I know not whether, with safety, I may interchange any further discourse with you; neither can I but take notice of your subtility, and matchless craftiness, as well as your unparallel’d debauchery, and wantonness; you may very well excuse me, if now I stand on my guard, and wearily entertain a parley with you; since you are known to be an old Souldier in the Wars of
- 34. Venus, and so may fight too cunningly for me, that am but a stripling upon any such account. However make your proposals (and if I may be assured you pump me not to intrap me) as I find them faisable, and profitable for the future, I shall accept them, and be ready to be servicable to you, and your design. The good old Gentlewoman, as one transported, by hugging me in her Arms, interrupted me, saying; Daughter, mistrust me not in this affair, and try whether I will not in a little time make you as happy as your own wishes can make you; and thereupon asked me how long I had been with Child, and whether I could be content, that, by anothers owning it, the Child hereafter might be owner of an Estate (it seems born to) the tenth part whereof none of my Ancestors ever yet enjoyed. It is confest, said I, my own weakness, and Female frailty betraid me to unlawful embraces of a handsom young man, whose subtle sollicitations could not be withstood by a Nun, much less by me; and yielding, I now carry both the Sin and the shame of those stolen delights about me, where ever I go. That though it was my ill Fortune thus to lose (by one throw at play, inconsiderately) a thing of that value, my Maiden head I mean, yet it was some comfort to me, that it was a Gentleman of no mean worth that won it; and I question’d not but the off-spring would be like the Father, as well in the comely proportion of the Body, as Gallantry of Mind; being thus fully perswaded it will prove so goodly a Person, it will the more trouble me to part with it to another; that if I should do any such thing it is not for necessity; for, as I had money considerable of my own, before my deluding Lover came acquainted with me; yet, to compensate that single kindness, he hath so showred his Gold and Silver on me since, that my Wealth may procure a Match considerable enough, though my face carryed in it no other invitation. Come, come, Daughter (said the Old Woman) Something hath some savour: and although you have enough, yet more will do no harm; besides your Child will be well look’d after, well provided for (which you may see when you please) and you rid of that incumbrance, will be in a better condition for any one to sollicite you
- 35. in Marriage. Being thus convinc’d by the subtle Arguments of this cunning Matron, I condescended to whatever she would have me to do; and so without further delay, the next morning we rode together to the House of this old Gentlewoman; where alighting, she had no sooner provided a necessary Room for me, and given order for my Supper, which was extraordinary, but her impatience immediately hurried her to the Gentlewoman, her Friend; and being out of breath, told her, as well as she could, that she had effected the business beyond expectation; but because she would not leave me too long, begg’d her excuse, promising the next morning a full account of all her proceedings. That night was spent in all the jollity imaginable; Fowles of all sorts, and the choicest of the season were provided; Wine flowed so plentifully through every room of the House, that I wonder it did not reel into the streets. I am sure the servants would, had not a noise of Musick held them by the ears, whil’st their Legs caper’d like a pair of Drum-sticks. Although they took but little repose that night, yet my Hostess got up early to wait on her Correspondent, who had not slept that night, for the eager expectation to hear how her desires were accomplisht. But overjoyed she was, when she saw the old Woman approach, who taking her aside in one of the walks of the garden, askt her how she had sped, and in what manner. The old woman (as much transported with joy as she) have patience, and I will tell you, said she; In my way to London, I met with several that had nibled on the bait of concupisence; but they were such flounder-mouth’d, draggle- tail’d, dirty Pusses, that I would not venture upon any of them; but at length comming to an Inn on the road, I accidentally fell into the Company of a Gentlewoman (which is this that I have now brought with me, to be serviceable to you) who by her deportment informed me, that she was not meanly extracted; and by those wanton torches in her face, which Nature had drawn to allure, and captivate hearts, I guest she was not unacquainted with the Masculine gender; and as I imagined, so it proved; for I have so rigled my self by discourse into her concerns, that I soon made her unravel the bottom of her secrets. To be short, I found her every way fit for our
- 36. purpose, and by an extraordinary device, I have made her ours; and that you may satisfie your self farther, I will bring her to the Park, a mile from your house, where I shall desire you to meet us in the afternoon. Hereupon she departed, and acquainted me how she had opened the way to consummate what we had agreed on; and so having dined, we went to the place appointed, where the Gentlewoman was already come to meet us. The Gentlewoman seeing us at a distance, made up to us, but was strangely astonisht when she saw a person so unexpectedly handsome, and in a Garb which as much exceeded that which she wore, as the face she saw excelled most others that she had seen before; and therefore thought it requisite to make her address, as to a person of no mean Quality; yet thinking again, should she do so, I might think she mockt me; (for had I been nobly born and bred, I would never have condescended so low, as to prostitute my body to the unlawful embraces of some hot-blooded Gallant, and afterwards mercenarily expose the Infant to the disposal of a meer stranger;) therefore familiarly thus she spake; Sweet-heart, Though I never saw you before, I am not unacquainted with your affairs, and am much troubled, that so good a face should be so deluded, and grosly abused by any Promise-breaker of them all; but since what is past cannot be recalled, I shall endeavour to redress your misfortunes, after this manner; you shall lodge with a good old Gentlewoman, not far off, a friend of mine: but be sure you keep your self private; and when you have a mind to take the air, and enjoy your self, you shall not want a Coach to carry you whither you list, so it be far enough off: your provision at home, with all things necessary, and your expences abroad, shall be at my charge; all that I shall require of you is, that when you cry out in labour, your Childe may be at the dispose of your Landlady, whom I constitute your Guardian. If in the interim you want any thing, let me know it, and you shall be supplyed, and enjoy your self as freely, as if you were Empress of the whole World; and when you are discharged of your great belly, you shall not want a sum to make you a good portion for any honest man. Be not seen in the Town, and do not come to our house, but
- 37. be ruled by your Guardian; and assure your self this, your Child shall be my Child, and what estate I have, or my Husband, shall be his: and so she took her leave of me, cramming my hand full of Jacobusses, as the earnest of a better penny. I was forthwith conducted to this house, which was intended for my lodging privately, where I was entertain’d, according to instruction, with much respect and gallantry; a Maid was there ready provided to attend me, and there was nothing wanting in my entertainment to make my life comfortable, and my looks cheerful. Here did I merrily pass my time away, being often visited by my old Hostess, daily puzzling each others invention, what we should have for Dinner; what recreation in the afternoon; what for Supper, and what divertisement afterwards; how to make our pleasure more poyant by their diversity, and variety; but the greatest difficulty lay in our cunning projections of going abroad, which we knew we must carry with a world of secrecie, or spoil all whatever we intended to do. In the mean time, the Gentle-woman (understanding my true reckoning, which was three moneths gone with Child) calculated her time accordingly, and gave out, she was with Child: every one admired at the news, having not had any in so long a time of marriage, and knew not whether they had best give credit to the report; her Husband would not be induced to believe it by any means, looking upon it as incredible, nay, almost impossible; but that which most of all favoured what she would have credited was her being troubled at that instant, with some hydropical humours, which had so swelled her belly, that she had much adoe from perswading her self, that she was really with Child. Her Husband perceiving this, from an Unbeliever became a Convert, and by his belief wrought all the Neighbourhood into the like perswation: but that which knockt the nail on the head, was the opinion of the Midwife (a Creature of the Gentlewomans, made absolute to her devotion by gifts, and promise of future rewards) which proclaimed it every where as a wonder, that one after so many years, having never born a Child, should now at last conceive. Neither was the kind, and over-indulgent Husband, backward in spreading
- 38. ostentatiously, his glory, that he should at last be called Father, when all the glimmerings of those hopes were quite extinguisht. His joy made him so rash and inconsiderate, that he bespoke Gossips, and concluded upon a name for it, though he knew not whether it would be born alive, male or female. On the other side, the seemingly over-joyed woman provided clouts for the bantling, and all other things necessary, which an over-busie Lullaby could invent. So many wet Nurses were sent for, that they came tumbling to the house by dozens; and so many faults were found with them, that they Troopt off again as fast; one was dislik’d for her Hair, it being of a red colour, and therefore her milk was lookt upon as too hot, rank, and venemous; every one giving in their Verdict, that she should not be wholesome, since the Turks were accustomed to make the rankest poyson of the flesh of slaves that were red-hair’d. Another was too tall, and therefore slothfull, and unactive, being not talkative enough; a third not clear skinn’d, nor well featur’d, having a cast with the eye, which might be the ill pattern of directing the Childs eyes amiss: a 4th. had a too indulgent husband, whom they feared one time or other might curdle the Child’s milk, and so endanger its health: a fifth had had formerly sore Breasts, and they doubted from thence the Milky-way might be polluted: a sixth was too melancholly enclin’d, which they judged would not only prejudice her suck, but deprive her of the talking qualifications of most Nurses, who look upon the impertinent nonsensical tittle-tattle to their Children, to be the basis of all their future learning. With much adoe, they at length pitch upon a lovely brown woman, full grown, well featur’d, quick sighted, clear skinned, middle statur’d, with breasts little and round, her blood cirkling them in the pleasant blew Meanders of her veins. Now lest they should loose her, if she went out of their sight, she was hired, and entertained into the house immediatly, although her Mistriss had five moneths to go of her supposed time. Though her Husband was extasied with joy, his Brother was moved by a contrary passion, his folly making him shew it, in so unseemly a way, that every one now concluded him that, which they only surmized before, a villain, that had both studied and practised the
- 39. ruin of his nearest relations; & he was often accused & upbraided for so doing, that he was forc’d to leave the Town, and since is gone to a Cozen of his living in Barmudus. My time began now to draw nigh, being groan so bigg I could not with convenience stir abroad, and too restless to stay at home. As I felt any pain, I caused my Mistriss to be acquainted therewith, that she might be so too; if I felt my self much disordered, I sent away her confident presently to allarm her; who acted her part as artificially, as I did it really. These out-cries of hers made the whole Garrison continually stand to their arms; there being about her continually the Midwife, Wet-Nurse, Dry Nurse, with many Neighbouring assistants: the Maids below ready at command, and a Man Midwife, if need should require with so many instruments ready fixt, as would with the very Iron set up a Black-smith: and all for the strangeness of shape, surpassing any rarity in Tredescants Collection. After so many false allarms, a true one came at last, carried by our Confident aforesaid, with my Child in her lap; whose very appearance was watch-word enough for the Gentlewoman to express the pangs of Child-birth, which she did then in a more violent manner than before, imagining something more than ordinary: she approaching the bed askt her lowdly how she did, and how she felt her self, and at that very instant clapt the Child into Bed to her; who immediately skreeking out, the Midwife ran to her, where seeming to be busied about her a while, at length takes the Child from her, and doing with it, and her, as is usual; the news of this her happy delivery was conveyed to the Husband, who was near at hand, attending, and with tears lamenting the sad pain his poor wife underwent for him; but the joyful tydings of having a Son born, wip’d away all those tears, and so animated his feeble Carkass, that he would have entred the Room, before it was either Civil, or Convenient, had he not been stopt by meer force. I shall not trouble you by relating what an Universal rejoyceing there was through the whole house, but only inform you, that before the expiration of a moneth the Child was Christened, being as lovely a Child as could be
- 40. born of a Woman, not any limb or part of his body, which did not promise to exceed his true Father in every thing. The Gentlewoman being up, as soon as she understood I was well and fully recovered, appear’d abroad in publick, whose happy delivery was by all congratulated. And to gratifie me, she sent me an hundred pieces of old Gold, desiring me to remove my Quarters, and to engage my tongue eternally to conceal the secret. I now thought it high time to send to my two Gallants, who were obliged to me in bonds, the one to pay me fourty pound, and the other fifty, upon my delivery; they being both assured of the truth thereof, delayed me not, but sent me my moneys by the first conveniency, which added to my late purchase; and what money I had before, made up to weighty a portion, for so light an Houswife as my self.
- 41. CHAP. V. Mrs Dorothy relates several passages in the Inn: as, how the Host drew Guests to his House, and then cheated them: the Boy by his Example, attempts to cheat, but is taken in the manner; is beaten by his Mistris, but is revenged of her and his Master; is turned over to be corrected by the Under Hostle, but is wittily, and pleasantly revenged on him. I was now (continued Mrs Dorothy) rid of my great Belly, and instead of that, had a great Bag of money; and my Child being thus provided for, as I have told you, I retired from the place where I had lain in private, now to appear in publick at the House of my very good friend, the old Crony; part of whose Adventures I have already related to you: and since you have not thought me tedious in the discourse I have already made you, I shall give you an account of some such Transactions in her House, during my stay there, which, I believe, will be no less pleasant than what you have already heard: and then having made a short pause, we thuss proceeded.
- 42. The whole Family, consisting of her self, her Husband, a Son of about twenty four years of Age, and Daughter about nineteen, a Chamberlain, a Tapster or Winer, an Hostler, Cook-maid, Scullion, and two or three boyes; who were imployed under the others, were all alike, knavish enough, all guilty of such unparallel’d Knaveries as I have rarely heard of; and knowing of one anothers tricks, they out- vyed one another, striving and contending which should exceed in Roguery, and so sly and cunningly they carried it, that ’twas difficult to discover them, especially when they all joyned together to cheat or abuse any body; but when they fell out among themselves, they made excellent sport in acting the revenges they took upon one another. My Landlord loved his pleasure and profit so equally, that he made it his business to contrive how to joyn them together; and
- 43. although he commonly had the best Custom of any house in the town, yet he would practice wayes to gain, and bring in more; among other wayes, he used this for one. He would take his Horse in an Afternoon, and ride out some ten or twelve miles, and so return home again; but he seldome came home, but he brought Guests with him, which he would take up by the way, thus. If he saw a parcel of Travellers, who he thought to be good fellowes, and fit for his purpose, he would then enquire which way, and how far they travelled; to this they commonly answered, directly; and if they were for our Town, then he would joyn with them; and soon after, his second question would be, to know if they were acquainted at the Town, and at what Inn they would take up their Quarters: If they were strangers, and by that means indifferent of the place where they should lodge; then he told them, that the best Inn in the Town was his House, but not naming it to be his, or that he had any Interest in it, but only that he knew there was a good Hostess, who had a handsome Daughter that would use them well; and he seldom missed with this Bait to win them to agree to go thither with him, and accordingly to bring them home with him. But if they would not agree upon the place, and he saw there was no good to be done, then he would pretend some excuse to stay behind them, & would wait for such company as would at all points be for his turn; and with them would he enter the House as a Stranger: indeed he would call the Chamberlain, Hostler, and Tapster, by their Names; but they, who knew their Duties, would in no case shew any Duty to him. Then would he, as being acquainted in the House, tell his Fellow Travellers what provisions there was for Supper, and would be sure to draw them up to the highest Bill of Fare he could. If the Hostess, or her Daughters company were desired, he would be the forwardest to call them, and only treat and converse with them as of some small acquaintance; after supper, he would endeavour to draw on the Company to drink high, and use all possible means to enflame the reckoning; and when he saw they were well heated with wine, and the fury of their expences was over, he would pretend, out of good Husbandry, to call for a Reckoning before they went to bed,
- 44. that they might not be mis-reckoned, or staid from the pursuit of their Journey in the Morning; to this they would commonly agree, and the Sum total of the reckoning being cast up, he would be the first man that would, without scruple, or inquiry into the particulars, lay down his share, and by his examples, the rest would follow; if any did question the dearness of the Victuals, or the quantity of the drink, he would by one means or other take them off, protesting that the Hostess was too honest to mis-reckon them, and that he had kept a just account himself, and was well satisfied; or else he should be as cautious from parting from his money as any of them; and then they, not distrusting him further, would by his example pay the shot. Thus would he many times, by his Crown or six shillings share, mis-reckon on them sixteen or twenty shillings; especially if they came to high drinking: and then the reckoning being paid, they went to bed, he retiring with his wife, and he would lye abed in the morning, and let them march off alone; but if they, in the Morning, did fall to drinking again, taking a hair of the Old Dog, then would he up, and at them again, make one at that sport, and many times put them out of capacity to Travel that day, and so keep them there to his profit, and their expences; he shifting his Liquor, and in the end, shifting himself out of their Companies, when he has seen his Conveniency, leaveing them to pay roundly for their folly. If they enquired after him, my Hostess would pretend he was a Chance Guest, as they were, only, she had seen him the last year, or such like; and thus he would force a Trade, and enjoy his pleasure and profit, by joyning them together; and this course did he frequently use when Guests came not in of their own accord; so that our house was seldome empty. As mine Host, who was the Head and Chief of the House, had his tricks, so had the rest of the Family theirs, even the least in the House; for there was an unhappy boy, who was sometimes with the maid in the Kitchin, sometimes with the Tapster, attending Guests in their lodgings, and other times, with the Hostler and Horses in the Stable; this boy, though he was little was witty; and seeing that every one had their tricks, he cast about how he might have his, and
- 45. have some profit in the Adventure; so that one day, mine Host being abroad, and the Tapster out of the way, he drew the drink; and not only the Beer, but carried bottles of wine to the Guests, & seeing them in a merry vain, he thought to try his skill at mis-reckoning them; and for six bottles which he carried into them when they came to pay, he reckoned them eight; and though there was some questioning of the truth, yet he justified it, and stood to it, that he had the reckoning he demanded. This being his first considerable attempt in this Nature, for he had gained two shillings for himself, he was resolved to keep the prize for himself; and therefore putting that up in his Pocket, he delivered the rest at the Bar; the reckoning being wiped out. But the Company falling into discourse, in short time called for more wine, and then the Tapster being returned, he officiated in the boyes place, and turning him into the stable; more wine they had, and staying longer than ordinary, and falling again to drinking, they quaffed off the other half dozen bottles of wine, and then calling to pay, the Tapster, thinking to put his old trick of mis-reckoning in practice, told them, there were seven bottles to pay; but one of the company who was more cautious than the rest, had made his observation, and every bottle that was brought in, he unbuttoned a button, and so was able to aver and justify that there was but six; and withal, the rest of the company believing him, they all fell a ranting, vowing that they would pay for no more, and farther alledging that they were mis-reckoned one or two bottles in the last reckoning; the Tapster, although he was guilty as to himself, yet he did not believe them as to the other reckoning, because he could not imagine, that the boy would be so bold as to attempt to cheat them, and therefore he huff’d as high as they in justification of the boy and himself; and such a noise they made, that the Hostess went in to know the cause of that clamour: they at first were so hot on both sides, that they would not hear her speak, neither did they speak reasonably themselves; but in the end she understood the matter, that they were wronged of one or two bottles by the Boy, and one by the Tapster; she hearing the matter, did not so much stand to
- 46. justifie and vindicate the Tapster, whom she did imagine was guilty, but as for the boy, she was very confident, that he had not wronged them, and when the heat of their anger was somewhat over, she examined particulars enquiring how many bottles they paid for, they said eight: she who had not so soon forgotten what she had received, averred that she had but six shillings for wine, and therefore it was a mistake; they still aledged eight, and she six, till now nobody could end the controversie but the boy, who was sought after, and in short time found in the hayloft asleep, or meditating how he should bestow his purchased Treasure; but being found, he was without any questions there immediately led away before the Gentlemen and his Mistress, who were to be judges of this matter of fact. The question was soon stated to him, and he too well understood the matter, which he stoutly deny’d, but there was quickly such clear evidence appeared against him, that he was found guilty; for he not dreaming or mistrusting any such matter, had not conveyed the money away, so but that the pockets being searched, there the two shillings were found, to the great shame and confusion of the small delinquent: this was to the great amazement of the Guests, his Mistress, and the Tapster; but the money being laid down, and two bottles wine being brought in for it, the Gentlemen were well enough pleased, and made no further enquiry into the other bottle, which the Tapster had likewise mis-reckoned them; so that he scaped without shame or punishment, so did not the boy, who was not only ashamed, but was ordered to be severely punished, and therefore the next morning was fetched up by the under Hostler, (one who was not so wise as the boy, though in growth he was much biggar) with a Cat of nine tailes, which gave so great an impression on the poor boyes buttocks, that he was resolved on a revenge, which he effected, as I shall presently tell you. This boy was now looked on as an errant cunning Rogue, and one who without good looking to would be too wise for them all, for he had presumed to mis-reckon two shillings in six shillings, and put it all into his own pocket, whereas the Tapster who was a proficient in cheating, and licensed therein (but with this proviso, that half of what he gained thereby was to be paid to his Mistress) only
- 47. endeavoured to mis-reckon one shilling in six; so that, I say, the boy was narrowly watched, and had many a blow on the back, and box on the ear, more than formerly; he who knew he had deserved it, for he was guilty of many petty waggeries, was forced to bear, but however he made provision against it, for his Mistress using to pommel him on the shoulders with her fist, he one time took a paper of pins, sticking them with the points upwards, placed them between his Doublet and Cassock; and his Mistress striking him, as she was wont to do, did light upon the pins, pricked her hand till the blood ran down her fingers ends, and the boy running away, she could not imagine how this was done, for she saw nothing upon his coat, that should cause it; so the boy getting away, removed the paper with pins, and there was an end of the matter for that time. The Mistress finding she had suffered by striking him on the shoulders, would come no more there with her bare hands; but used a cudgel, if it were near her, and if not she would use to slap him on the mouth with the back of her hand; and one time, he being in the Kitchen, and she running after him to strike him, he claps a knife, which lay near him, into his mouth, with the edge outwards, she not minding that, but endeavouring and intending to give him a great blow did so, but to her cost, for she cut her knuckles in such pitious manner, that the blood ran down abundantly, and now it was no fooling matter, but Chyrurgions work, wherefore one was sent for, and the boy ran away to his wonted dormitory, the hay-loft. The Mistress took her Chamber, and towards Evening the Master came home, and bringing with him some Guests, he soon missed his wife, and thereby knew the occasion of her retirement, and it was not long ere he saw the boy, the Authour of the harm; he therefore took up a cudgel, and ran hastily after the Boy, who fearing the danger, betook him to his heels, and ran cross a dunghill in the yard; the Master being eager to pursue the boy, did not take the same course the boy had done, who had passed over a board he had laid there on purpose, but the Master missing of that, went on one side, and fell into a great filthy hole, which by reason of much wet and rain, was there slightly covered; and had he not been helped out by the Hostler, he might have stifled; he having recovered his feet, left the
- 48. pursuit of the boy, and was forc’d to be conducted to bed, which was to his great grief and dammage, for he had spoiled his cloaths, wet himself, and which was worst of all, he by this means was disappointed of his purpose in making a prey of his guests he had brought in with him to that purpose. But the Tapster and others, did their best in that behalf, and the Boy was again committed to the disciplination of the under Hostler, who by the command of his Master, almost flead the poor boys buttocks. The Boy was now revenged of his Master and Mistress, who finding him so unlucky, had no great mind to meddle with him, neither did the Boy studdy any revenge upon them; but so often as he saw the under-Hostler, who had now twice been his tormentor, his blood would boyle at him, and all his study was to be even with him; and thereupon he watched for all opportunities, and it was not long ere he found one. There was meat at the fire to be roasted, and he was ordered to look to and wind up the Jack, which was made to go by a stone weight, which was fastned to pulleys, and when the Jack was woond up, the stone weight being on the out-side of the house, was drawn up two storyes high, to the eves of the house; the boy observing this, and that the Jack-weight was down, and seeing his Enemy the under Hostler in the Yard, just by the jack-weight he lifted that off from the hook, and conveighed it under the girdle of the Hostler, just behind, he not perceiving it: when he had thus done, he ran into the Kitchin, and woond up the Jack, the Hostler being none of the wisest, wondered what it was that first of all held him by the back, and afterwards drew him up from the ground; but it was too late ere he discovered the truth, for he was now hanging in the aire; his girdle was of strong leather, with a great brass buckle and thong, which he could not possibly undo; neither durst he attempt it for fear of falling, and therefore he was in short time drawn up to the top; the boy not thinking this revenge not enough, seeing no body came, proceeded further, and taking a parcel of wet horse-litter, and some dry hay, he placed it just underneath the Hostler, and set fire to it, which made such a smother and smoke, that the poor Hostler was almost choaked, wherefore he roared out
- 49. most hideously; the boy having done all he intended, said, Now remember the Cat with nine tayles, and so ran away; by this time the Hostler made so much noise, and the jack together, being forced by weight to go faster than ordinary, that at the noise all the houshold ran to see what was the matter, when, in short, there was found the poor Hostler hanging between heaven and earth, and with coughing and roaring he purged forwards and backwards, but most backwards; in regard his girdle forced it downwards by pressing and gripeing his stomach, so that he was in a most lamentable pickle; and so great was the astonishment of all the beholders, that he was come down almost to the bottom, ere the smoaking hay was removed, or he relieved; but at length down he came, and thus ended this adventure.
- 50. CHAP. VIII. The Boy learns, and practises Vaulting and tumbling, the maid servant attempting to do the like, is intangled, caught in the manner, and laughed at: she puts a trick upon a Puritanical Church-Warden, and makes the boy by another trick, to lye in bed, and lose his dinner; he is revenged on her by a Gunpowder plot. Mrs. Dorothy putting a stop to her discourse, gave us conveniency and leisure to express our satisfaction by our laughter, in which we continued for some space, and then rehearsing and commenting on what she had told us, we again renewed our laughter, she joyning with us in the same exercise, when we had put a stop to our mirth, she thus continued. Truly, Friends, I did think I might a little divert you by my relation; but I see you are pleased much better than I expected, and if you are so well contented with this which is but a taste of what I can tell you, I am sure the rest would be much more delightful; but being desirous to put an end to my discourse, by relating to you such matters as only concern my self, till my arrival here, I therefore beg your excuse. Nay, replyed I, and Mistress Mary, you must not refuse us the request we both make you, of proceeding in these pleasing Adventures of your houshold; and, continued I, it is enough to know and find you are here with us, we are satisfied in that, and hope you will give us the other satisfaction we desire; and I pray be as full and free in your recital as you can, for we cannot think any thing to be tedious that is so pleasant; she hearing my desires, after few excuses, agreed thereto; and thereupon she thus reassumed the discourse.
- 51. The poor under Hostler being thus descended from his place of Torment, was almost in as pitiful a plight as one taken down from the Gibbet half hanged to be quartered; he had as little motion or sense; for he was almost suffocated with the smoak that ascended and flew up his nose, and down his throat; and as Malefactors do (as they say) piss for fear, or some other cause, so had he done; and not only so, but we could perceive somewhat else, of a yellowish colour, that had soaked through his breeches, run down his stockings, so that few would touch him; but at length, the Hostler, his superiour, considering his condition and former good service, took him up, and carried him to his bed adjoyning to the Stable; where, with the assistance of Aqua vitæ, he was soon brought to his former senses. Our young Rogue in the mean time lying in the Hay- loft over him, laughing at the roguery he had done, and the groans he heard the poor fellow fetch, were as so many instruments of musick to raise his laughter to the higher pitch. This Rogue, who wanted nothing so much as Roping, or a good Cat of nine tailes, now escap’d with out either; there being no body in the whole house that had any mind to meddle with him; he was threatned by some, whilst others only laughed at him, and he went merrily about his business: and to conclude, much company coming that day to the house, and the particulars of the Adventure being told them, they sent for the boy and Hostler; and after several questions, and much laughter, they made them drink to one another, and become Friends. The boy being thus freed from punishment, set his wits at work, how he might employ his time to the best advantage, and be getting of money as well as the rest of the Family did; and soon after there being a fair at our Town, among other fooleries that attended it, there were a parcel of Rope-Dancers, and Tumblers; our boy was Master of so much money, as to see them two or three times; and having very much affection to that quality, he purchased acquaintance with such another Crack Rope as himself, who was a very nimble and active youth at the Art of Vaulting; him he invites to our house, and treating him with such as the House afforded, by all
- 52. means desires his instructions in that nimble mistery; he soon assented, and our boy being ingenuous, and very willing to learn, soon attains to the knowledg of this mistery, and taking all opportunities of practising, could soon leap through a hoop, vault over two or three joynt stools, tumble on the ground in various manners; and being a pretty proficient, had money several times given him by Guests that came to our house, for shewing his tricks; by vertue of his money he would brag and vapour as well as the best in the house; and the rest of the servants seeing his gain would attempt to do the like, but many times came off with the breaking of their shins; amongst the rest, the Cook maid had a mighty great itch to learn and practise some of these tricks belike, supposing that if he, who was a boy, did get so much money by them, that then she might gain much more being a maid; and that she might as well do them as he; the obstacle of Petticoats she removed by, resolving when she had learned, to have a pair of Breeches and Doublet for that purpose, and that she questioned not, but to get money enough, it being a greater Novelty to see a woman in breeches; but before she purchased them, she resolved to practice in her ordinary Habit, her Petticoats, and did so when she had convenient time and place; so that she likewise could perform somwhat in that practice. One time most of the other servants being abroad, she was sent into the Cellar to draw a Gallon Pot full of Claret Wine; she believing it would be some time ere it were full, by reason it ran only through a small Cane whilest the Pot was filling, she lies down on her back, and resolved now to try whether she could put her feet in her neck, in order to practice some new trick of tumbling; shee soon put one there, and with some difficulty likewise put the other, when she had so done, she could not possibly undoe what she had done, her feet were as fast to her neck, as if they had grown there; and though she tumbled and tossed, yet it was all to no purpose, for she could not by any means disentangle, or disengage her self from the posture she was in; she finding her self in this condition, knew not what to do, for the Pot was now full, and the Wine ran about the Cellar, and with tumbling about she had made her Coats to fly about her ears; at length she resolved to cry out, hoping her Mistress, or some other
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