English funny language
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This document presents various linguistic paradoxes and inconsistencies in the English language. It notes that eggplants do not contain eggs, hamburgers do not contain ham, and pineapples do not contain pine or apples. It also discusses how quicksand takes one down slowly and boxing rings are square despite their names. The document then lists further paradoxes regarding verbs and their past tenses, as well as inconsistencies in plural forms of words like mouse, house, man, and pan. It concludes by hoping readers can master the English language without fear or tears.
English funny language
- 1. is 1
- 2. There is no egg in the eggplant, No ham in the hamburger And neither pine nor apple in the pineapple. 2
- 3. English muffins were not invented in England, French fries were not invented in France. 3
- 4. * Quicksand takes you down slowly. * Boxing rings are square. *And a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig. What Paradoxes! 4
- 5. * If writers write, how come fingers don’t fing? * If the past tense of ‘teach’ is ‘taught’, why isn’t the past tense of ‘preach’ ‘praught’ instead of ‘preached’? 5
- 6. If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what the heck does a humanitarian eat? 6
- 7. Why do people recite at a play, Yet play at a recital? Park on driveways and Drive on parkways? 7
- 8. How can the weather be as hot as hell on one day And as cold as hell on another? 8
- 9. A house can burn up as it burns down, and you fill in a form by filling it out. 9
- 10. When the stars are out they are visible, But when the lights are out they are invisible. And why it is that when I wind up my watch it starts, But when I wind up this poem it ends. 10
- 11. If the plural of mouse is mice then why isn’t the plural of house hice? If the plural of man is always called men, Why shouldn't the plural of pan be called pen? 11
- 12. If I spoke of my foot and showed you my feet, When I give you a boot, would a pair be called beet? If one is a tooth and a whole set are teeth, Why shouldn't the plural of booth be called beeth? 12
- 13. If the singular is this, and the plural is these, Why shouldn't the plural of kiss be kese? Then one may be that, and three would be those, Yet the plural of hat would never be hose. 13
- 14. The plural of box is boxes; But why should the plural of ox be oxen and not oxes? One fowl is a goose, but two are called geese, Yet the plural of moose should never be meese. 14
- 15. We speak of a brother and also of brethren, But though we say mother, we never say methren. 15
- 16. The End May we master English without any fear or tear. Hear! Hear! With Metta, Bro. Oh Teik Bin 16