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Thomas Sorensen

Curt and John are excited at the prospect of attending San Diego Comic Con after Curt is offered 4 tickets by his boss. They plan a road trip down the coast with their friends Todd and Lindy, though John is reluctant about Lindy joining. The group looks forward to experiencing the convention and all it has to offer dedicated comic and pop culture fans.

Entertainment & Humor
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Geeky Road Trip Film By Thomas Sorensen Thomas Sorensen 13440 Friar St. Los Angeles 91401 thomassorensenfilm@gmail.com 314-660-7360
FADE IN: EXT. CITY - DAY A news clip clicks on a Television set. Video Footage Montage of GEEKY PEOPLE, wearing a variety of pop culture reference T shirts, other eccentric outfits, and tattoos walking around down town city. NARRATOR Nerds, Geeks, regular people that just happen to wear glasses or short sleeve dress shirts with pens in their pockets. They walk into bars, restaurants, and store fronts. A LADY walks a dog. NARRATOR They look like normal people, but don’t be fooled. Blessed are the Geeks for they shall inherit the earth. INT. ESTABLISHMENTS - DAY Montage of Interiors of a variety bars, restaurants,store fronts, and Geeky people inside of them. NARRATOR A week from now thousands of nerds, geeks, dorks, dweebs, weebs, spazes, and other people will crowd into the 25th annual San Deigo Comic Con. A REPORTER asks a MAN ON THE STREET what he thinks. REPORTER What do you think about comic con? MAN ON STREET It threatens our way of life, our popularness, our baller social circles, they think they are cool but they really arn’t, we are cool. Know what will always be cool? A Mustang, a perfect spiral, Jakes dope haircut he got that one time.
2. REPORTER Well you’ve heard it hear, everyone besides this man have caught geek fever and they need a doctor. Medical officials will be on site to aid people suffering from asthma, social anxiety, and fan boy fainting. The Television clip Clicks off. EXT. COMIC SHOP - DAY The sun shines across a comic book store front. INT. PULP AND STUFF COMIC SHOP - DAY CURT,(27), a stocky man wearing a Captain America shirt stands in a comic shop and is flipping through a long box of comic books. JOHN,(28), a skinny shaggy haired man wearing a Donkey Kong T shirt walks into the shop and also begins to flip through books. JOHN Hey Curt. CURT Where were you, John? JOHN My mom made me do the dishes before I left. CURT I already picked up my books for the week. JOHN Are you still getting Justice League? CURT No. Can’t afford too many books. JOHN Bummer. Want me to spot you? CURT No that’s ok. Oh hey, San Diego Comic Con is next week.
3. JOHN Too bad we can’t go to it, tickets are so hard to get. CURT Yeah, Its stupid we live in Seattle and haven’t been. Its like living next door to Mecca and never going. We could just zip down the coast. JOHN I think you are underestimating the distance but I get your point. I once made a want list for Christmas and it was San Diego Comic Con listed 38 times. CURT I know right. Think of all the artists we could see, we could show them our Radioactive Couch-man Comic we have been working on. JOHN We make it big, and rule the land of exclusives, comics, and $80 autographs. CURT Bi-pass the lines that are 1,000,000 nerds long. JOHN Geeks, and yes it’s mouth watering in every aspect. Curt makes his way to the counter and checks out. EXT. PULP AND STUFF COMICS - DAY Curt and John walk out of the store and begin to walk down the street. JOHN Where should we grab a bite to eat? CURT I can’t today. I’ve got to go see Lindy in a bit.
4. JOHN Are you serious? We get comics and food every Wednesday. Ever since you met Lindy at that Patrick Ruthfuss book signing you are busy all the time. CURT I know man, she just really wants to hang out. JOHN She has got you by the balls man, they were swinging, and now she has got them. And you are not even dating. John acts our a grabbing motion. CURT Do you have to be so crude? JOHN Yes, it’s called shock value. You can’t even go get food with your best friend. You’ve got to go get Mani pedis. CURT You’re just jealous we have a new friend in the group that has boobs that aren’t prefixed with the word man, and that she wants to spend time with me. Curt stops to tie his shoe. CURT (CONT.) Also We’re not getting mani pedis. But I will say I would be happy if we were, they are freaking awesome. JOHN What are you doing? CURT Were going to marathon the Twilight Movies. JOHN You suck Curt. When I accidentally watched the first one thinking it was a Twilight Zone movie it was
5. JOHN the worst vampire experience I have ever had. CURT What about that time you were actually attacked by a vampire bat? JOHN Oh yeah. Chicks do not dig guys with parasites. CURT Don’t you have work soon anyway? JOHN That’s irrelevant. I can show up whenever I want. They can’t fire me, they would be lost with out their fearless leader. CURT We are both fry cooks at Burger Shack, calm down Tony Stark. JOHN Screw you, its just a matter of time before they give me that promotion. CURT Hey, they might give it to me you know. JOHN That’s the spirit Curt, you keep telling yourself that. Like I keep telling myself I am the next Brian K. Vaughn and being a fry cook is only temporary. CURT Is it, we do the starving artist thing for a bit before Couch-Man become a massive hit. Just based off statistics, eventually someone has to like our work. A person walks by with a dog and John stops to pet it. JOHN (CONT.) Anyway, still better than being whinny Peter Parker whipped by Mary Jane over here.
6. CURT Hey, one, Peter Parker and Mary Jane were a romance for the ages, two, we are not dating. JOHN Fine. Anyway are you going to Todd’s Tomorrow night? CURT I should be. JOHN You’re not bringing Lindy are you? CURT Maybe, shes pretty great, she can probably name more Simpsons quotes than you, I don’t see why you don’t like her. JOHN Dude come on. She’s an over-analyzier. Remember when we invited her to Mario Bros 3 night and she just kept talking about how if Mario really wanted change he should take non-violent socio-politcal action? CURT Fine. I won’t bring her. JOHN Perfect, more time for us guys, we don’t hang like we used to. John stops in front of a bar. JOHN Are you sure we can’t just stop in for a quick drink and burger? Mary Jane doesn’t have to know. Curt looks at his watch. CURT Fine, if it will get you off my back. Also, do you really think I might have a shot? They walk into the bar.
7. INT. GEEK BAR - DAY Curt and John sit at a crowded bar. The bar is decorated with pop culture items, arcade games, video games, and TVs. They both have menus shaped like robots. A WAITER who is wearing a red Star Trek Uniform comes over to their table. JOHN I will have a pint of your cheapest beer and a double cheese burger. The waiter looks at Curt. CURT Same but no beer. The waiter walks away. JOHN No beer? CURT Lindy pointed out I should try to save more money. John makes a whipping motion and whipping sound with a laser like tone. CURT Hey, Im trying to grow up a little bit man. As much as I love Kevin Smith movies, we can’t be slackers forever. We’re in our late twenties and none of us or our friends even have cars. John repeats the motion. CURT What is that sound, is that a whip? JOHN A Laser whip. CURT Fine. Waiter. The waiter comes back over. Curt looks at the menu. CURT I’ll have a Spider Island Iced Tea. The waiter nods and walks away. Curt looks at John.
8. CURT Just one. CUT TO: INT. BAR - LATER THAT DAY Curt and John sit at the bar with empty plates and multiple empty glasses each. CURT How can you say that the new Hawkeye comics are not the best thing ever? JOHN It’s ehh. CURT What? JOHN Its ok, just I think its overrated. CURT Over rated? Pshh. John Laughs and looks at his watch. JOHN Hey when where you going to see Lindy? CURT At 7. JOHN So, its okay that it’s 8:30, right? CURT Shit, I’ve got to go. JOHN See ya. And remember don’t bring her tomorrow. Curt throws some money on the bar and runs out.
9. INT. TODD’S HOUSE - NEXT EVENING Curt and John sit on a dirty looking couch in an apartment living room covered in geek and pop culture related posters, action figures, and other comic related items. TODD,(26), man with long curly hair wearing an open bathrobe and no shirt or pants plays a Nintendo Entertainment System. LINDY,(29), quirky looking girl wearing a blue sweater and jeans sits in between Curt and John looking very bored. LINDY I’m bored. I’m gonna use the bathroom. Lindy gets up. TODD How can you be bored? The Duck Tales game is a classic. Lindy gives Todd a look of confusion and walks away. JOHN You brought her? CURT She wanted to come, I couldn’t say no. JOHN Sure you could have, this is dudes night. CURT Okay, but to be fair that is every night. TODD You guys want a turn? JOHN No. CURT Don’t be such a popular yet affordable bicycle, John. JOHN Are you saying I’m being Huffy? CURT Yes, and I have a surprise that Might cheer you up.
10. JOHN Harrison Ford is coming over? CURT No, but you might like to know that I happen to have a way for us to get 4 tickets to San Diego Comic Con. JOHN Really? CURT Yeah. TODD Oh. I would kill to go. Todd turns his head and looks very serious. TODD Kill. John looks at Todd and then back to Curt. JOHN Okay, that’s not slightly concerning. So how do you have tickets? CURT This morning our boss offered me them. Said something like he won them in a radio contest and that I’m into that nerdy shit and I could take my boyfriends. TODD What a prick. Who also is confusingly nice. Watch your back, if he ever offers you Kool-aid don’t drink it. No matter how sugary and sexy their mascot is. Thank goodness I was fired a long time ago. Curt looks and frowns at Todd. JOHN So we have been sitting here playing this ridiculous game talking about nothing while you’ve been sitting on this treasure trove of information?
11. TODD Hey, respect the classics. CURT I was thinking we could finally make our geek pilgrimage to SDCC. JOHN My god, this is going to be awesome! CURT We all know what comic con means. JOHN Rows and rows of stuff I don’t need but will die if I don’t have. CURT Exactly. TODD My mouth is watering. We go to Comic Con and then people will finally respect us. CURT 4 tickets baby. Enough for all of us. All we need to do is get there. TODD Wait, who is the fourth ticket for? Lindy comes back into the room. LINDY Did he tell you guys? Looks like we are all going to comic con together. John turns and stares intensely at Curt. JOHN Lindy? CURT I figured the more the merrier. JOHN Curt, That’s the logic of hoarders. Two best buds not good enough for you?
12. CURT Do you want the ticket or not? JOHN I love you Lindy. Todd and John look at Curt who smiles awkwardly. INT. GEEK BAR - DAY John, Todd, and Lindy sit at a table with maps, brochures, comics, and notebooks. Curt carries 4 beers over to the table. There is a spot next to John and Lindy. Curt chooses to sit next to Lindy and John notices this. CURT Ok, this is a once in a life time chance for us guys. Broke geeks getting tickets to comic con. This will change our lives. We can put this on our resumes. We just need to iron out a plan. TODD All the comics. JOHN All the girls. LINDY John you’re disgusting. Also pretty costumes. JOHN Pretty costumes? Are you serious? Cosplay artists. LINDY You guys are ridiculous. TODD Ridiculously excited. I saw the comic con exclusive action figures list and wept with joy. CURT Either way. We still have the little problem of getting there. Last time I checked none of us had a vehicle.
13. TODD I’ll take car of that. JOHN Did you just say you would take car of that? TODD Yeah. Get it Car, care, car. JOHN You suck Todd. CURT How would you get this car, Todd? TODD I know a guy. CURT A guy? TODD An old guy. JOHN Old guy? TODD Yeah I saw him on the bus the other day. Said that he was trying to sell his Van. CURT Ok, yeah, check that out. That sounds like a Grand Caravan of an idea. They all frown at Curt as Curt laughs to himself. JOHN I’m not letting you drive though. Last time you borrowed your parents car when we went to the Harry Potter premier you almost hit that kid dressed as Ron Weasly. TODD To be fair there are so many Weasly kids I doubt anyone would have noticed, but thats a good idea, I don’t even have a license.
14. CURT God Damn it, Todd. CURT What the Fuck, Todd. TODD Hey you guys wanted a ride, I got you a ride, and Ill get us another ride. CURT Ok. Next we need a place to stay. JOHN I think I have like a long lost cousin out there or something. I’ll talk to my mom about it. CURT ok, check. Next a plan for while we are at the con. Maximize efficiency, get our work seen, and also have fun. We’re not gonna be those Big Bang Theory fan suckers and just walk around aimlessly. LINDY I like the Big Bang Theory. JOHN You would. LINDY What does that mean? CURT There’s some weak points to the show. LINDY Like what? TODD It makes geeks look like nerds. JOHN Its a show about geeks not a show for geeks. CURT There’s no female geeks in it.
15. LINDY There was no female geeks in your group before me. JOHN Yes, but not because we don’t believe girls can be geeks, just because we’re bums. Also who said you were officially in the group? LINDY Fine, whatever. Its still funnier than you guys are, except for Curt maybe. Lindy smiles at Curt. Curt smiles back awkwardly. LINDY (CONT.) And I’ll win a geek-off any day of the week. TODD Hey don’t say things you can’t take back. CURT Anyway. Back to the matter at hand. Lets get packed and get this stuff done. Todd find that old man, John call your cousin. Ill make us an itinerary. LINDY What should I do? John looks at her. JOHN Uh, Hands together. Friendship on three. Lindy looks annoyed. Curt, John, and Todd put there hands together, count to three and yell friendship. Lindy watches in shock. LINDY Nerds. JOHN, CURT, TODD Geeks.
16. EXT. OLD MANS HOUSE - DAY Todd walks up to an old looking house. He has a piece of paper with an address written on it. Todd goes to the door and knocks on it. He waits a few moments and then an OLD MAN,(67) answers the door with a shotgun and a joint in his mouth. OLD MAN What do you want? TODD Wow, sweet gun. OLD MAN Sweet gun? TODD It looks real, that’s a good replica. The old man shoots a squirrel that is running across the yard. TODD Fuck, old man. OLD MAN Who are you? TODD I’m Todd, I talked to you on the bus one day about a Van. I found your ad but there was only an address and no phone number. OLD MAN Yes right. Sorry about that. I don’t have a phone, never know when big brother might be listening. Your the geek. TODD I would prefer Pop Culture Enthusiast, but better than nerd. OLD MAN Are you interested in the Van? TODD I think so.
17. OLD MAN They took away my license. TODD Too old? OLD MAN Too many parking tickets. I don’t believe in parking meters, that their life not mine. Todd nods. TODD I can get behind that, I don’t even have a license. OLD MAN Good for you. Me and my wife Shelly don’t get out much anymore. Come on I’ll show you the Van. Old man leads Todd away from the door. He pulls the joint out of his mouth and offers it to Todd. OLD MAN Hit? TODD Word Up old man. This could be the start of a beautiful friendship. Todd takes the joint and takes a puff. TODD Yep, friends forever. Todd and the Old Man walk around the house. OLD MAN I haven’t gotten too many interested people. The whole non-licensed, failing inspection, hazard to yourself and others comments from my mechanic seem too have scared people off. TODD Not me. I’ve developed a system. Its the "just not worry about it approach". If you just don’t care long enough, eventually someone else will take care of it.
18. The old man stops and looks at Todd. OLD MAN Yep, friends forever. The old man puts his arm around Todd and they walk to the garage. INT. JOHN’S PARENTS HOUSE LIVING ROOM - DAY John walks into the living room that is finely decorated with nice couches, coffee table,and TV. JOHN"S MOM,(53), a woman in a blouse and khaki pants sits on the couch. JOHN Mom, do we have any pizza rolls? JOHNS MOM There’s some in the freezer. JOHN Awesome. John starts to walk to the freezer but stop and stares off into the distance for a moment. JOHNS MOM What is it, Honey? JOHN There was something I was gonna ask you about. Something important. JOHNS MOM I got new dipping sauce, it’s in the fridge. JOHN That’s it. John walks over to the freezer and talks out a box of Pizza rolls. JOHN Yeah, that was it.
19. INT. CURT’S HOUSE - DAY Curt is sitting at a table with his laptop out. Lindy sits next to him playing a game on her laptop. CURT Yes, done with the itinerary. Just got to show it to the guys. Curt looks at Lindy. CURT Just so you know, I’m really excited you are coming with. I know John can be a real A-Hole sometimes, but I swear he will win you over. LINDY Well you’ve won me over. CURT Is that line from a TV show? LINDY I don’t think so. CURT It sounds like it is, its kind of cheesy. LINDY Hey, I like you still, don’t make me change my mind. CURT Ok. Curt clicks his computer and closes it. LINDY I just feel like he holds you back. CURT We have the same job. LINDY But you got that promotion. CURT I haven’t accepted it yet. I don’t know how to tell John that I might be his manager. He really wanted
20. CURT it. Also please do not tell him that our boss gave the tickets to me as a celebration. LINDY I’m just saying there is a reason they gave it to you, not John. CURT He’s my best friend. LINDY And there is nothing wrong with that, I just don’t want him keeping you down. CURT I assure you, it will be ok. LINDY Ok. I have your word you’ll talk to him if he gives me problems? CURT Yes, you have my word. LINDY Ok, cool, because I’m just as excited for this trip, if not more. Curt and Lindy high five and then smile at each other. CURT Now, lets go pack. I’m having troubles fitting my Kingdom Hearts keyblade in my duffel bag. INT. GEEK BAR - NIGHT Curt, John, Todd, and Lindy sit at a table drinking beers. CURT Ok guys. Do we all like the itinerary? JOHN Show floor, panels, food, and bathroom break times. Very thorough.
21. TODD Not a ton of sleep it looks like. CURT Sleep is for the weak Todd. You can sleep when your dead--Or whenever you want I guess, I have no control over you. LINDY How did the car thing go, Todd? TODD Oh you’ll just have to wait and see. It’s gonna rock your world. Curt squints and stares at Todd suspiciously. TODD What? CURT I don’t know, last time you said something was going to rock my world was at my birthday party where you gave me a rock, and it only partially rocked my world. TODD I promise, your world will be rocked to a satisfying capacity. CURT Ok. John, how is our lodging? John finishes taking a drink and burps. JOHN Oh, uh, its good, all figured out. Perfect. Were good to go. All set. Perfect. CURT Hmm, that’s a lot of goods and perfects, but sounds legit. Curt lifts up his beer and proposes a cheer. CURT You should all pat yourselves on the back for putting this together. We have called in a lot of favors. This might be our only chance to go
22. CURT to Comic Con. If we fail we miss the event of a lifetime and will live a life of shame until we all resent each other, ourselves, and geekdom so much that we all get jobs in cubicals. TODD That’s cheery. JOHN Our health, safety, and most importantly our reputations as geeks are at stake. But, this will also be the story of a lifetime. Lets do this. John raises his glass up also. LINDY To your confusingly nice dickhole angel of a boss. Todd raised his glass. TODD To the old man. Lindy raises her glass. JOHN To a road trip of adventure, crazy spending, and geek themed debauchery. CURT Or you know, to responsible choices. They all clink glasses together. INT. GEEK BAR - NIGHT MONTAGE Curt, John, Todd, and Lindy drink multiple beers. They play arcade games intensely. John gets in an argument with ANOTHER GEEK at the bar. John and Lindy both try to pull Curt in opposite directions. They party into the night.
23. EXT. TODDS HOUSE - NEXT DAY Curt, John, Todd, and Lindy stand outside in Todd’s drive way. They all appear hung over. They look at an old falling apart minivan that is painted like a psychedelic rip-off of The Mystery Machine. All of their bags sit in a pile. JOHN So he just let you buy this awesome vehicle? TODD I know, right? Its perfect, and It only cost me 500 bucks. CURT You had 500 dollars sitting around? TODD Credit cards, bitches. Todd Smiles and nods and then turns serious. TODD (CONT.) But really I have crippling debt. CURT Is it safe? TODD Safe? Is fort knox safe? Is a safe safe? Is anyone really ever safe? Todd puts finger quotes up when he says safe. Everyone stares at Todd for a moment. LINDY It’s kinda dirty. TODD Hey don’t talk about my new baby like that. Curt opens up the back doors of the van. CURT Is this blood in here? John also walks to the back and looks into the van with curt.
24. TODD Yeah. The guy who sold it to me said he used to haul dead animals in it after he would go hunting. JOHN Cool, adds character. Todd jumps in the van and looks around. Todd points at a cup holder. CURT Cool. Cup holder. TODD Exactly Curt, and You know what, because we are friends I will let you put a cup in there while we make our way to Comic Con! Todd does a little dance. JOHN Alright! CURT Yes. Curt, John, and Todd all high five. JOHN Ok, let’s load her up. The group starts loading bags into the car. LINDY I call shotgun. JOHN Wow wow wow. Hold on. You don’t get shotgun. My main man Curt gets shotgun. You can sit in the back with Todd. Todd waves awkwardly at Lindy. LINDY I’m not sitting back there. Todd smells like cheese. TODD Only because I eat a lot of cheese, specially of the dairy variety.
25. LINDY Also I get carsick. If you want me to yak all over the place then fine I’ll sit in the back. Curt walks over to John and puts his hand on johns shoulder. CURT John can she sit in the front? JOHN This is our trip man, this has been our dream. CURT John. JOHN Fine. Get in the front. LINDY Thank you, also if you wouldn’t let me have the front I wouldn’t let you in on this. Lindy opens a backpack filled with candy, soda, and snacks. LINDY Nobody gave me anything to take care of, but I figured nobody would be unhappy with some snacks. TODD Forget Wheaties, this is the breakfast of champions. They all grab a snack and climb into the van. INT. VAN - DAY John sits behind the steering wheel, Lindy sits in the passenger seat and Curt and Todd sit in the back. JOHN Ok, before we go does anyone need to use the bathroom? Because once we leave we are not stopping. TODD Nope.
26. CURT I’m good. John looks at Lindy. JOHN Lindy? LINDY Gosh, no, can we go? JOHN Ok, fine, lets "hit it" like a cheap knock off of the popular childrens toy Bop It. John backs the van out of the drive way as the motor sputters and the van squeaks very loud. John hits a trash can as he turns. JOHN Still better then Todd. CURT Lets just pray this van makes it there. TODD Hey, in this Van, nothing could possibly go wrong. INT. VAN - LATER THAT DAY John drives the car, Lindy has her feet up on the dash board, and Curt and Todd read comics in the back. John turns the radio dials but nothing is happening. JOHN The radio doesn’t work. Todd pulls out a box of Cassette tapes and pulls out a tape. Todd hands John a tape. TODD Here, try this. JOHN Sweet, you have cassette tapes? LINDY What year is this?
27. TODD The guy I bought the van from also had a ton of cassette tapes. Lindy grabs the box. LINDY Let me look through it. Lindy pulls out a tape. LINDY This one. CURT What is that one? TODD I don’t know. It’s a mix tape labeled Shelly and I. I’m assuming some 80s love songs. LINDY The best driving music. JOHN No way, the best driving music is the soundtrack to the arcade game Crusin’ USA. CURT John please. JOHN Oh fine. Todd pops the tape into the tape deck. It begins to play sounds of two people having sex. There is grunting, moaning, and a man saying the name Shelly. CURT What the hell? LINDY Oh god, turn it off. TODD No, keep it on. Its steamy. Another point to old man. LINDY No thank you.
28. JOHN No, it stays on. This is what you wanted to listen to. LINDY Turn it off. JOHN No. LINDY Fine. I have to use the bathroom. JOHN I told you we are not stopping. LINDY Do you want me to pee in the car? JOHN Do it. LINDY Fine. John looks over at Lindy who stares back at him intensely. John tries to stare back but gives up. JOHN Oh okay. Well stop. John pulls the car onto an exit ramp and we see a sign with a listing of gas stations. EXT. GAS STATION - DAY The van pulls up to the gas station. INT. VAN - DAY John sits in the driver seat, Lindy prepares to get out. JOHN Well I guess I might as well get some gas while we’re here anyway. LINDY I’m going inside. Lindy gets out.
29. EXT. GAS STATION - DAY Lindy walks across the parking lot and into the gas station. John gets out and starts pumping gas. Todd and Curt get out and stretch. JOHN Whats with Lindy, man? CURT What? JOHN She’s already being a major buzz kill. CURT You could be nicer. JOHN Nicer? I’ve been nice as hell, I’m a regular Mister Fucking Rogers. Aren’t I Todd? John turns around to look at Todd. JOHN Todd, tell Curt how nice I am. Todd is across the parking lot and is petting a dog and talking to a cow girl looking woman named SARAH,(26). JOHN You suck Todd. John turns back to pumping gas. CURT I don’t see why you have problems with her. You both have a lot more in common than you think. JOHN We have been wanting to go to Comic Con forever and now we get to go and then she also gets to come. I once asked her if she liked Doctor Who and she responded with "Doctor Who?". She was literally asking Doctor who? and then we proceeded to have a Doctor Who themed rip off of an Abbot and Costello Routine.
30. CURT I’m pretty sure she was screwing with you. Or sonic screwdrivering with you. Curt laughs to himself. John stares at Curt very seriously. JOHN You have to stop that Curt. CURT Dude, I tell you what. Once we get to the con, there is bound to be some events that she wont want to go to and then just you and me can kick it kids in a candy shop on cocaine style around the venue. JOHN Ok, do I have your word on that? CURT Yes. You have my word. JOHN Ok. John opens the car and digs through a duffel bag and pulls out a piece of paper. JOHN Hey, Check this out. Do you remember this? Curt looks at the paper. It is a beat up old handwritten note that reads "Curt and John Pledge that they will go to San Diego Comic Con. They will also fly their in their own private jets." It has both of their signatures on it. CURT Oh wow, we wrote that a long time ago. At least we are doing one of those things. JOHN We are so close. Also I figure if we sell Todd then we might be able to afford those Jets. CURT Only if the jets also look like a Hanna Barbera fever dream. Curt looks at the note again.
31. CURT (CONT.) This is great. We should show Lindy. John looks at Curt and then takes the note back. JOHN Yeah -- sure. Maybe once we get there. CURT Okay cool, now, I’m going to go void my bladder. Curt walks past Todd and Sarah and into the Gas Station. Todd and Sarah Converse. TODD Where are you headed? SARAH Nowhere really, you? TODD San Diego Comic Con. SARAH I love San Diego. INT. GAS STATION - DAY John walks into the gas station and walks up to a register and ROGER, (24), the gas station attendant. Curt and Lindy walk around the gas station looking at snacks. JOHN 20 bucks on pump 3. ROGER That van out there? JOHN The wannabe Mystery Machine, yep. John pays the man and walks over to Curt and Lindy who are looking at Gas Station Porn Films. LINDY These are the worst.
32. JOHN What are you talking about, the adult parody of Kangaroo Jack looks awesome. How did they not get in trouble for copyright infringement. John looks at a DVD case entitled "Kangaroo Jackin-it". LINDY They have the worst titles. JOHN I think Timmy Thunder in Ass plunger Land 7 sounds intriguing. The cover shows men and women posing in construction safety gear and covering themselves with traffic cones. LINDY You would. JOHN You know what? I’m gonna buy it. I’m sure its a quality piece of cinema that many people worked very hard on. John flips it over and looks at the cover. JOHN Especially this guy. He has a hard hat on. EXT. GAS STATION - DAY Curt, John, and Lindy walk out of the gas station. John is carrying a brown paper bag with the porn films in it. They walk by a group of nerds like them. KIRK,(25), looks very similar to Curt, JIM, (25), looks very similar to John, TOM, (25), looks very similar to Todd, Mindy, (26), looks very similar to Lindy. The rival nerds are admiring the van. KIRK Nice Van. CURT Thanks. JIM Kind of like a less cool version of the Mystery Machine.
33. JOHN What? This is the V8 Interceptor of Vans. John stares at Rival Nerd that seems just like him. JOHN Who are you? JIM Jim. This is Kirk, Tom, and Mindy. Jim points at Kirk, Tom, and Mindy as he introduces them all. John, Curt, and Lindy look at each other in confusion. JOHN Where you going? JIM San Diego Comic Con. LINDY Oh wow, so are we. Jim, Kirk, Tom, and Mindy stare at Curt, John, and Lindy suspiciously. MINDY Of course you are. LINDY What do you mean? MINDY You guys look like typical bandwagon fans. JOHN What? Have you seen our ride? JIM Have you seen ours? Jim points at another car in the gas Station that is painted like the Ecto-1 car from Ghostbusters and has a ghost antenna ball. CURT Damn, how did we not see that when we pulled in.
34. JIM Painted it ourselves. JOHN A crazy old guy painted ours. KIRK We bought our tickets 8 months ago. CURT We got ours for free. TOM I haven’t showered in three days. CURT Our version of you never showers. TOM That’s disgusting. JOHN You bet your ass it is. Both groups stare down their doppelgangers. CURT Why are you guys such assholes? We’re all geeks here. KIRK We have been going to Comic Con for years now, we are the superior brand of nerds. Homosupieor as you might say. CURT Did you just quote Magneto? You know he is a villian. KIRK And he is badass as balls. See you around Nerds. JOHN Geeks. Curt, John, and Lindy walk away as the rival nerds enter the gas station. JOHN Man, those less attractive versions of us suck.
35. LINDY What kind of name is Mindy? CURT Kirk? Who does he think he is. JOHN Bandwagon fans? We own the bandwagon. CURT Yeah-- Wait would that be good or bad? JOHN Who cares as long as we can throw those guys off. Curt and Lindy walk towards the van. John quickly turns his head and then runs over to the Ecto-1 and steals the Antenna ball. INT. VAN - DAY Curt, John and Lindy get into the van. Todd and Sarah and the dog sit in the car. TODD Whats in the bag? JOHN Porn. Whats with the girl? TODD She’s Sarah. Sarah sticks her hand out to shake Curt’s hand. SARAH I’m Sarah. Curt awkwardly shakes her hand. CURT Hello. Um, if you don’t mind me asking, who are you Sarah? SARAH I’m Sarah.
36. LINDY Yes, we got that. Why are you in our Van? TODD She wants to go to San Diego. She cool. She also has a really cool dog. JOHN Where did you come from? SARAH I just met Todd. TODD She just met me. Shes coming with us. CURT You weren’t going to discuss this with us? Shes a random stranger. No offense. LINDY Yeah, we don’t know if we can trust her. She might be the murdering kind of stranger. No offense. TODD Well, its my car. Curt, John, and Lindy look at each other. JOHN Don’t you have your own vehicle? SARAH I have a bike. TODD A bike. SARAH It has a basket. JOHN Do we even really have a say in this Todd? TODD Nope. Todd smiles a big grin.
37. JOHN Ok then. Welcome aboard hopefully non-murdering Sarah. Keep you hands and feet inside this ridiculous vehicle of fun at all times as we will approach warp speeds. John looks at Sarah. JOHN (CONT.) Also fair warning, if you dog pisses on my Daredevil Costume I’m kicking you out of the car, and I’m not even stopping. John begins to back the car up. INT. VAN - DAY The group drives down the road. Lindy looks at a map as they go. LINDY Should we stop somewhere cool along the way? JOHN Like a comic shop? TODD Or a record shop? CURT Or an Arcade? LINDY I was thinking more like an Ikea, or a giant ball of yarn. That’s a real thing right? JOHN Why would we stop at something like that? LINDY Because if a regular ball of yarn is fun then a giant ball of yarn would be at least twice the fun. JOHN No it’s not. Comics are fun, the BBC is fun. A new model with a
38. JOHN fresh exact o knife and bottle of glue is fun. LINDY It will broaden your horizons. JOHN That sounds dirty. LINDY I assure you, it is not. JOHN Fine than I for sure don’t want to do it. LINDY Fine. How about we do something I want to do, and then we do something that you guys want to do. CURT That sounds fair. JOHN Fine. Where first? LINDY Let’s stop at a national park. CURT Ok, but to get there on time we need to make sure we don’t slow down too much. JOHN No worries, for now, sit back, relax, and enjoy the ride. Nothing but Blue Skies ahead. EXT. HIGHWAY - DAY It is storming very hard as the van makes its way down the highway. The windshield wipers on the van are not working. LINDY Slow down. JOHN Why? These windshield wipers are obliviously doing what they are supposed to.
39. LINDY It’s not safe to drive so fast when it’s raining. JOHN Really? I heard it was better to drive as fast as humanly possible. TODD Yeah, do you think speed racer slowed down when it rained. Curt looks at John very seriously. CURT John. JOHN Curt. CURT John. JOHN Curt. CURT Slow down. JOHN Ok, fine. CURT I can hardly even see. Hey pull off at this exit, lets park and see if it slows up at all. John slows the car down and pulls off the highway and onto a side road where they park. The group sits quietly in the car. TODD Should we play a game to pass the time? CURT My 3DS is dead. SARAH Let’s play truth or dare.
40. LINDY Oh, I love that game. JOHN Mhh. LINDY Mhh? JOHN Mhh. TODD I want to play. SARAH You start. TODD Ok, someone ask me. SARAH Ok, Todd, truth or dare? TODD Truth. No wait, dare, no truth. Todd nods. TODD Truth. SARAH Have you ever been on a road trip before? TODD No, but I’ve read on the Road, and seen Kristen Stewart’s phoned in performance in the bastardized movie version. Have you? SARAH I remember once after I got my first Phd, to celebrate I hitch hiked to a Phish Concert. I took this little blue thing going around at the show and I don’t remember how I got home though. That was a great weekend. The group all listens and laughs awkwardly.
41. CURT You have a Phd? SARAH Two. Engineering and Physics. JOHN Wow, You’re definitely the smartest person in this car. SARAH Smarts are subjective. But I bet you didn’t think you would pick up a recipient of the Noble Peace Prize. TODD You have a Noble Peace Prize? SARAH No, that shit is really hard to get, but I was nominated once. CURT Wow, Im sorry I said you might be a murderer. JOHN Im sorry I made fun of your bike. SARAH You didn’t. JOHN Oh, I must have just thought that. TODD Ok. Who should I pick? Todd looks around the car. TODD John. JOHN Oh man. Ok. TODD Truth or dare? JOHN Dare, obviously. Why would I do truth, why would anyone pick truth
42. JOHN when they could do dare. (In a Eddie Murphy voice as Donkey from Shrek) I’m the dare master, I’ve mastered the dare. TODD Ok, I dare you to run outside in the rain. JOHN Piece of cake. TODD I’m not done. In your underwear. JOHN Are you serious? LINDY Ewe, I don’t want to see that. CURT Didn’t you just say that you are the dare master? JOHN I did indeed, and I intend to execute the dare to it’s full extend. LINDY Oh man, gross. JOHN Sorry ladies, a dare is a dare, prepare yourselves mentally. John stripes down to reveal that he is wearing superman underwear. The group laughs. SARAH Nice underwear. TODD Really dude, those are sweet. Where did you get those? JOHN Target, they were on sale.
43. TODD Awesome, I need to get me some of those. Are they comfortable? JOHN Yeah. TODD Cool, maybe sometime you could let me borrow them and take them for a spin? JOHN That’s probably not gonna happen. TODD I suppose your right, life is too short for quality testing, sometimes you have to live on the edge. CURT Truer words have never been spoken about buying underwear. LINDY Hey, are you gonna do this or what? JOHN I’m going. John climbs out of the car and runs around outside of the car in the rain and then climbs back into the car. JOHN Ok, now my turn. I pick Lindy. LINDY Truth. JOHN Ok, have you always been a tight wad? LINDY Yes, have you always been an ass? JOHN Yes. LINDY Now that that’s settled. I pick Curt.
44. CURT Uh, truth. JOHN Wuss. LINDY Ok, who are you more excited to have along on the trip, me or John? CURT I love you both equally. LINDY That’s a cop out of an answer. CURT Hey, Cop out is an underrated movie. JOHN No its not. The rain lets up. CURT Hey the rain has let up. Lets get moving again. We don’t want the gas to sit to long, it might evaporate or some other more believable reason why we should go, now. JOHN No, lets hear a real answer. Don’t pull a Bill Clinton on us. LINDY Yeah. Hilary Clinton deserves better, she is a powerhouse, not like Beyonce, but you get my point. CURT Fine, I’m most exited to have Sarah along, its nice to meet new people, even If I really don’t know anything about her and shes now traveling with us on one of the biggest events of my life. Lets get rolling. John puts his clothes back on.
45. JOHN Fine. I know its-- Lindy cuts of John. LINDY Me. Lindy smiles at John. Water drips from the ceiling onto Johns face. EXT. FOREST - DAY The groups van drives past a sign that read "Oaks National Park" and along a dirt road. They van is riding very rough and bumpy. INT. VAN - DAY They all look very uncomfortable with the bumpiness of the ride. CURT This vans shocks might be a little worn. TODD I like it. Its like a free massage. CURT Tell me that again when you are offically a bobblehead. EXT. FOREST - DAY The van parks on the side in the middle of a large forest. Curt, John, Todd, and Sarah climb out of the car. JOHN Wow, I have never seen trees like this. TODD I know right? But granted I’m also barely ever outside. SARAH You’ve never been out to a forest?
46. JOHN virtual forests. I will say the resolution out here is impressive. CURT Definitely a good stop. TODD Your right, and to celebrate getting this far I think its time for some -- illegal fireworks. CURT What? Todd does a little interpretive dance. TODD Boom, flash, bang. LINDY I don’t know. Those onomatopoeia’s are a little disconcerting. I vote more silent observation followed up by a discussion of the lack of environmental protection laws. CURT I agree, we’re in a forest. TODD What better place? Todd pulls fireworks out from behind his back. CURT Where did you get those? TODD I picked them up back at the truck stop, some punk kids sold them to me. JOHN What made them punks? TODD I don’t know, any kids under the age of 20 are just punks to me. JOHN Is that fair?
47. TODD I don’t know. Anyone under 20 is a punk, Anyone over 40 is old, anyone older than me but not old is just kind of there, and I’m a timeless instant classic. Like the movie Independence Day. Todd, John, and Sarah begin to set up a large bottle rocket to launch from the ground. Lindy explores the trees around the park. JOHN Curt are you going to help us with these bottle rockets or not? Curt looks over at Lindy. CURT Uh, probably not. Curt walks over to Lindy leaving John and Todd. JOHN Fine more for us. Curt taps Lindy on her left shoulder and tricks her by standing on her right side. She turns. CURT It’s really beautiful out here isn’t it? LINDY Yeah, It reminds me of Tarzan. Curt pounds his chest like a gorilla. LINDY Tarzan the Monkey Man swinging from a rubber band. CURT I have never heard that before. LINDY What? CURT I’ve never heard that before.
48. LINDY Where you ever a child? CURT Of course. LINDY That’s not possible. If you were you would have heard that. you must be a robot sent from the future to destroy us all. CURT You’re right, a robot that goes on a road trip with a bunch of geeks to comic con. LINDY Hey, that sounds like a good idea for a movie. CURT Who would watch a movie about geeks going to comic con? LINDY Lots of people, if there is a robot involved. Without a robot not so much but-- A green Jeep with a "Parks Ranger" logo pulls up next to their car. Everyone looks at the Jeep. PARK RANGER NED,(34), a skinny man in a green suit gets out of the vehicle. Park Ranger Ned walks over to Todd. PARK RANGER NED What’s going on here? Looks like more illegal fireworks than a Tijuana baby shower. TODD What? PARK RANGER NED You have a large amount of illegal fireworks. TODD Oh yeah, true. PARK RANGER NED I’m going to have to confiscate those.
49. TODD Oh, man, really? PARK RANGER NED Yes, I’m afraid those are fire hazards. TODD Man, why you got to be such a buzz kill. PARK RANGER NED Your lucky my partner Smokey the Bear isn’t here. TODD Oh what, would he have given me a stern talking to? PARK RANGER NED No, he would have mauled your face off. He’s a real bear. It happened last week. Really sad. Todd and John have looks of horror. JOHN Fuck man. PARK RANGER NED I’m just kidding with you. Todd and John relax a bit. PARK RANGER NED I’m not kidding with you. It was horrific. They couldn’t even identify the body. Todd and John stand still with fear. PARK RANGER NED Heck, that was a joke guys, lighten up. He just had to get 30 stitches. TODD Cool. PARK RANGER NED And I will need to take those fireworks.
50. TODD Man, this is so like the man, just like the Old man said. PARK RANGER NED Whose old man? TODD You wouldn’t understand. PARK RANGER NED Now hand over the fireworks. TODD That’s one option. Or I could light them instead. PARK RANGER NED Or not. TODD Or. Todd begins to light the Bottle rocket. PARK RANGER NED Don’t do it. TODD Ehhh. Todd acts like he is going to light it again and leans in towards the bottle rocket. PARK RANGER NED Don’t. TODD Eh. Todd acts like he is going to light it again. PARK RANGER NED Don’t. TODD Eh. Todd acts like he is going to light it again. PARK RANGER NED Ok, thats enough of this, I’m taking them.
51. Park Ranger Ned takes the fireworks. Sarah lights them while the Ranger is holding them. Park Ranger Ned throws them in the air and they launch in all directions. Everyone ducks and yells. PARK RANGER NED Damn it, why would you do that? SARAH I’m an engineer, I wanted to see what would happen. Sarah grins widely. JOHN Just relax man, you’re just a Park Ranger. PARK RANGER NED That’s it. I’m getting tired of your shenanigans. I’m a Park Ranger not a pansy boy scout master, I don’t have to take this. Park Ranger Ned is quite frustrated. He takes a step back and valiantly starts a speech. PARK RANGER NED My friends ask me why I wanted to be a Park Ranger. It not the glitz, glamor, or wild sex parties, no, its for the plants, the trees, the defenseless shrubbery. Park Ranger Ned takes off his hat and holds it on his chest and looks off into the distance bravely. PARK RANGER NED My father always wanted me to be a gynecologist but I said no, staring at vaginas all day isn’t the life for me. Now I’m surrounded by massive wood and its glorious. A young man out to save the world one prevented forest fire and informed upper middle class white vacationing family at a time. Park Ranger squints his eyes and talks in a very soft and scary sounding voice.
52. PARK RANGER NED Sure, I’ve had to do some bad things to protect the forest, terrible things, things only my therapist knows, but I would do it again. I’d do it all again. Park Ranger Ned, walks over to a tree and leans on it seductively. PARK RANGER NED Some people have called me crazy. Is it crazy to name the trees and act out peoples court with them? I don’t thinks so. Ive been called tree huger, even tree lover, but I swear Ive only made love to a tree once and it was consensual. Park Ranger Ned walks back over to the group. PARK RANGER NED I vowed I would be the best Park Ranger that anyone had ever seen. So you make fun of me but you don’t make fun of the Park Ranger Badge. This is my Forest. CURT Wow, I did not expect that. TODD Good job. That was almost better than the Samuel L Jackson Monologue from Pulp Fiction. JOHN Are you high Todd? That monologue is untouchable. CURT It’s a little overdone. JOHN What? CURT It’s over quoted. JOHN Thats not even possible.
53. PARK RANGER NED Are you really debating this right now? They begin to argue but are stopped by a loud growling from the woods. They all turn to look as a Black Bear comes out of the woods at them. PARK RANGER NED Cheese it, its Smokey. CURT Oh shit. TODD Wow. Todd starts to walk towards it. JOHN Todd, back up man. TODD He looks hungry. Todd pulls a Slim Jim out of his pocket and walks toward the bear and offers it too him. TODD Would you like a Slim Jim Mr.Bear? The bear swings a paw at Todd. They all yell and run towards the van and hop in. INT. VAN - DAY The gang jumps into the van as Park Ranger Ned is being chased by a bear. John attempts to start the van and it begins to smoke and not start. After many attempts it starts. The tires start to spin in the mud from the rain but finally gain traction and they drive away. TODD Fuck, should we go back? The gang looks out the back window of the van and see Park Ranger Ned squaring off and beginning a fist fight with the bear. PARK RANGER NED Clever Boy.
54. CURT Probably. Park Ranger Ned turns to look at them. PARK RANGER NED No, go. JOHN Ok, don’t have to tell me twice. They drive away as Park Ranger Ned pulls out nun chucks and begins to fight the bear. TODD Shit, that did look a lot like Smokey the Bear, and he was pissed. LINDY Why did you have to do that Todd? TODD It seemed like a good idea at the time. CURT Well we’re alive, that’s all that matters. JOHN Plus, Smokey the bear, that was our first celebrity siting of the trip. The van pulls onto the main road again. EXT. CAMPSITE - DAY The gang drives up to a campsite in the the van. The gang gets out of the van. JOHN Oh, it’s good to get out of the van. TODD I thought that was a perfectly pleasant ride. CURT You slept most of the way here.
55. JOHN Which was a dumb move, its already late, you’re never going to fall asleep now. You’re like a baby. A adult, early balding, pot smoking baby-- God, you’re a terrifying baby. TODD That’s fine. We are out here under the stars. LINDY Unfortunately. CURT Hey, we all agreed that staying one night at a camp ground along the way would save us some money for the con. LINDY Yeah, I just don’t like sleeping in the same place as Todd. TODD Hey, I only sometimes sleepwalk, and one sleepy run in with an electric can opener isn’t going to change the fact that I sleep in the nude. JOHN Lord that is a disturbing image. TODD Whatever. Just zip your tents closed. LINDY You’re right. Just you and me Curt. Lindy pokes Curt in the shoulder. John is digging through the van. JOHN Curt, did we get both of the tents? CURT Yeah, one for you and Todd and one for me and Lindy.
56. JOHN I’m only seeing one. CURT What? No? JOHN There is only one here. Mine and Todd’s. Curt walks over to the van and also looks through it. CURT Shit, did I not pack it? Lindy walks over to the van and also begins to look through it. LINDY What? CURT I must have forgotten our tent. LINDY Oh No. What are we gonna do? Curt turns to look at John. Curt smiles at John. JOHN No, that’s not happening. You are not taking my tent. Curt smiles at John. JOHN Nope. CURT Fine, How about-- CUT TO: INT. TENT - LATER THAT NIGHT Curt, Lindy, and John all lie inside of the same tent. JOHN I can’t believe this is happening right now.
57. LINDY I know. JOHN At least Todd and Sarah were fine with staying outside and not jam packing in here. LINDY Yeah. CURT I don’t know, I think this is kind of nice. LINDY How so? CURT The three of us, together, camping out under the stars. JOHN While Todd and Sarah make out or talk about dogs or do whatever the hell they are doing together outside. CURT I might even say it is kind of romantic. JOHN Curt that is my thigh you are caressing right now. CURT Shit, don’t get used to it, John. Curt moves his hand. JOHN I can tell you one thing, you are not getting any tonight, no matter how cute you look in the moonlight. CURT I do look cute. John flips over in a sleeping bag.
58. LINDY This is pretty great I guess. All of us together. JOHN Hopefully it doesn’t rain anymore. CURT Don’t even say that. It starts to rain. CURT You had to say it didn’t you. Todd and Sarah run into the tent. JOHN Oh come on. CURT Hey. Todd and Sarah lay down next to Curt, Lindy, and John. TODD Hey. SARAH Hello. LINDY What are you guys doing in here? TODD Its raining out there, were not going to stay out in the rain. I’m not a stray dog. JOHN You look and smell like one. TODD That hurts John, it really does. Todd looks at John very intensely. TODD On the inside. CURT Todd you are getting me all wet.
59. SARAH Heyo. CURT That’s very mature Sarah. Good job with that one. SARAH Thank you. It rains harder outside. LINDY Did we make sure the van was closed up good? CURT I think so. JOHN It doesn’t seem like its letting up. CURT Well. TODD Well? LINDY Are we all going to stay in here? TODD I’m content. CURT You’re also naked. TODD True. LINDY Uhh. CURT Well, at least we will have a good story-- that we never tell anyone.
60. EXT. CAMPSITE - NIGHT The Van has a back window that is open and letting rain in. A raccoon climbs in the window. EXT. CAMPSITE - NEXT MORNING The group looks at the vans open window and the wet seats inside. The group loads up their van and packs up there camping gear. CURT Ok, so tomorrow is Comic Con. We should get to San Diego late tonight. John is your cousin ready for us to arrive? John is using the bathroom on a tree nearby. He turns his head to look at Curt. JOHN What? CURT Are we good to stay with your cousin tonight? JOHN Oh yeah, about that, I need to make a call. CURT What? JOHN Its in the process of being good to go. CURT Are you serious? JOHN Possibly. Maybe, probably, yes. CURT I thought this was all worked out already. JOHN In theory it is.
61. CURT But reality? JOHN Less than 100%. Curt frowns at John. JOHN But hey, Ill make a call, it should all be fine. LINDY And if it’s not? JOHN We find another place to stay, we can get a cheap motel. TODD Awesome, can we get one with a pool? JOHN Sure. CURT No. LINDY We didn’t budget that. CURT We are not getting a motel with a pool. JOHN Fine, a small Jacuzzi. TODD I want to go swimming. CURT No. JOHN Fine, Todd you can just swim in the bath tub. TODD I can’t use my inflatable raft in the bathtub.
62. LINDY Todd is not swimming in our bath tub. JOHN Sure he can. CURT No body is swimming in a bath tub. There will be no bath tub. we didn’t plan the money to stay in a motel tonight. Also, Todd, how dare you hold out on us about that inflatable raft. JOHN Just let me go call my Mom. CURT Yes, please. John walks away from the group and pulls out a cell phone and types in a few numbers. The phone rings. INT. JOHN’S PARENTS HOUSE LIVING ROOM - DAY John’s Mom answers the phone while she sits a couch in the living room. JOHNS MOM Hello. INTERCUT --Phone Conversation JOHN Hey mom. JOHNS MOM John, whats wrong, aren’t you on your trip? JOHN Yeah. JOHNS MOM Are you brushing your teeth? JOHN I just forgot something.
63. JOHNS MOM Its not your toothbrush is it? JOHN No. So we have a cousin that lives out in San Diego right? JOHNS MOM We did. JOHN Did? JOHNS MOM He died last month. JOHN What? JOHNS MOM Fell down the stairs. JOHN Fell down the stairs? JOHNS MOM Yeah, and then got up and choked on a carrot at diner later that night. Really Sad. JOHN How did I not know he died? JOHNS MOM You went to his funeral. JOHN Shit, that was that cousin? JOHNS MOM Are you ok? JOHN For now, but I might be beaten to death by a bunch of comic geeks in the near future. JOHNS MOM Tell them to play nice. JOHN Yeah, Mom. Ill talk to you later, hopefully.
64. John hangs up the phone. John takes a few deep breaths and tries to calm himself. He walks over to the group again. JOHN Hey guys. CURT Whats the news? LINDY Are we good to go? JOHN Not exactly. LINDY Whats wrong? JOHN My cousin is dead. CURT Dead as in tired? Dead as in on tour with The Dead? Dead as in dead serious about saving us money on our trip? JOHN More the not living kind of dead. TODD Dang, I was hoping the second one. JOHN Indeed. SARAH I’m sorry. CURT Wait, so what does that mean for us? LINDY Yeah? JOHN Uhh? CURT Do you have a plan?
65. JOHN Besides staying in a motel? TODD I’m still okay with that plan. CURT Besides that. John looks out into the distance and thinks for a moment. CURT John. JOHN Give me a second, I’m thinking. CURT Well think faster, we need to know where we are driving today. JOHN I know, I’m working on it. TODD We could sleep in the car. CURT I’m not sleeping with you again Todd, one naked night with you is more than enough. JOHN I even agree with him on that one. LINDY Let just do something. John thinks for a moment. JOHN Ok, Ill figure it out. INT. VAN - LATER THAT DAY The gang rides in the car. They all look very tired and worn out. TODD How much farther?
66. CURT To where? TODD To where we are going. Curt looks at John. CURT Where are we going? JOHN To San Diego. CURT And what is our plan once we get there? JOHN What do you mean? CURT What are we doing? JOHN We are going to Comic Con. CURT Well no shit, what are we doing with our spare time, where are we staying tonight. JOHN We will make it up as we go along. CURT No, I’m not okay with that. JOHN Well, I don’t care. CURT We need a plan. TODD I agree with John, I say lets wing it. CURT We should make a plan.
67. JOHN How about this, we get there and we just have fun and live our lives. Sarah is looking out the window at a dog in a car going down the highway next to them. she smiles and waves at the dog. CURT We are constantly living our lives, if we weren’t then we would be dead. TODD That’s true. SARAH It is, I heard it in a documentary once. JOHN Well either way, We have been winging it so far to a degree and it has turned out great. CURT I beg to differ. JOHN No one likes a beggar. CURT No one likes your attitude. JOHN Oh really, that’s what people think? Lindy, Todd? John turns his head to look at everyone. JOHN What about you, Sarah? SARAH What? JOHN Do you like me? SARAH I like everyone.
68. JOHN Of course you do. Is there anything you don’t like? SARAH I guess war, famine, oh and the fact that my collection of Disney movies on VHS is out of date. LINDY I know right. JOHN Whatever, we are on our way and will soon be in the sunny city of San Diego, or as I like to call it-- Well I’ve only called it San Diego. They see a sign up ahead reading "You are now entering San Diego". There is a load honking as the Ecto-1 car full of the rival nerds zooms by their van. The Ecto-1 has text written on the windows reading "Comic Con is For Winners". Jim, Kirk, Mindy, and Tom Flip off the van and laugh. John rolls down the window and yells at the Ecto-1. JOHN Your mother was a hamster! John, Curt, Lindy, Todd, and Sarah laugh. There is suddenly a loud pop and bump in the Van as the Van gets a flat tire. JOHN Shit. The van swerves as John tries to hit the breaks and the van doesn’t stop. He pumps the breaks many times before pulling off on the side of the road and hitting the vans mirror against the "You are now entering San Diego" sign and breaking it off. JOHN Well, that could have been worse. The raccoon that climbed into their van now jumps out and attacks John.
69. EXT. SAN DIEGO ROAD - DAY The gang drives in the van that has a ridiculously small replacement tire on it now and a mirror missing. They are driving around downtown San Diego. There are signs that are welcoming geeks and nerds to San Diego. Sarah’s dog sticks his head out of the window with its tongue out and so does Todd. INT. VAN - DAY The gang drives in the van. They all have huge smiles on there faces. John has a bacon shaped band-aid on his neck. JOHN I cant believe we are finally here. CURT We have been waiting for this our whole lives. JOHN I can’t tell you how many dreams I’ve had about this-- and also about me and Sonic winning the World Series. TODD We should find a comic shop here. JOHN Why would we do that? That’s like going to the worlds best hot dog establishment and then buying a hot dog at a stand outside of it. LINDY Lets find a bar or something? CURT Or better yet, lets find a place to stay for the night. John, do you want to take initiative on that since your the one that screwed us over in the first place? JOHN Of course, Curt, I will take initiative so that you ease up off my back about it.
70. TODD I like that John messed us up, it forces us into more adventure. CURT You say that now Todd. TODD I’m pretty sure I’m always going to say that. Like Christopher Columbus or any other famous old white explorers, I like a challenge and a reason to see new lands. JOHN Nude lands. TODD New lands. JOHN No, I’m saying Nude Lands, There. The gang drives by a strip club called Nude Lands. TODD Oh awesome, Land Ho! JOHN They like to be called ladies of the night, Todd. LINDY That is not even remotely close. JOHN Oh so now you know more about strippers than I do, Lindy? LINDY That’s not what I was saying. JOHN There is no one that has studied the fine art of erotic dancing more than I. TODD Danco Erotico. The gang looks at Todd.
71. TODD Spanish. They all look at Todd in confusion. Sarah puts her hand on Todd Shoulder. SARAH No. JOHN Should we stop? CURT No. LINDY No. TODD Yes. JOHN I vote yes. Sarah? SARAH Why not? The physics those women display is really something. JOHN All right, Nude Lands it is. John makes a U turn to turn back to the strip club. INT. NUDE LANDS - DAY The gang makes their way into the strip club. There are patrons of the club all over the place. There is a salad bar and an alcohol bar all built around a series of platforms and stripper poles. There are a number of STRIPPERS dancing on poles. TODD Alright, ladies and gentlemen, explore, have a good time. But as explorers we have a certain responsibility to make sure that we progress with caution and a plan. Don’t fall in love with the natives, don’t eat the local cuisine.
72. JOHN Was that supposed to sounds slightly disturbing? TODD Better people than us have been lost to the wild world of pleasure, bright lights, and sticky floors. LINDY This is disgusting. Curt is now watching a girl dance that has a storm trooper helmet on. Curt watches the girl dance and swing a plastic light saber. CURT Oh yeah, its-- Its pretty-- pretty, bad. LINDY Curt you suck. CURT Yeah I know. Todd walks over to the stripper with the Storm Trooper helmet. TODD Hey. STRIPPER Whats up, baby? TODD Do you like Star Wars? STRIPPER I like whatever you like. TODD Whats your favorite Star Wars movie? STRIPPER The first one. TODD The first of the original trilogy? Or episode one?
73. STRIPPER Both. TODD Both? You can’t like both, that’s like liking the Red Socks and the White Socks. STRIPPER What? TODD Those are sports teams I believe. STRIPPER That doesn’t make sense. John walks over. JOHN Todd what are you saying to this nice lady? TODD She is an anomaly. JOHN I’m pretty sure that is you Todd. TODD She likes both the Phantom menace and new hope equally. JOHN That’s impossible. STRIPPER I like both. JOHN Well then your movie taste is as bad and uncertain as your dancing. STRIPPER What? JOHN What kind of dance is that? The stripper looks at John with Confusion.
74. JOHN It that the slow walk, the spread eagle, the boob smoosh? STRIPPER The boob Smoosh? JOHN Its a basic erotic dance move. Todd here could do it. John gestures to Todd. TODD I could do it? JOHN I’m sure you could do it. TODD ok, I’ll do it. Todd hops up on the runway and starts dancing on a pole. He does a variety of seductive dances and people in the club and OTHER STRIPPERS watch him. Lindy, Curt, and Sarah come over to him. STRIPPER Hey, you can’t be up here. LINDY Todd, get down from there. Todd swings around the poll. TODD Im graceful, I’m free, I’m-- A BOUNCER rushes over to Todd and tackles him. Curt, Lindy, John, and Sarah watch. CUT TO: INT. STRIP CLUB BACK ROOM - DAY The group sits in the backroom of a very dirty looking room. There are bras and skimpy lacy looking outfits sitting all over the place. There is a dented metal table and a few filing cabinets. The Bouncer walks around the room.
75. BOUNCER What were you guys thinking? TODD It was fun? JOHN Good work out? LINDY I have no control over these people. BOUNCER I’m keeping you here until the police come. The Bouncer shakes his head and walks away. LINDY Good Job, John. JOHN What did I do? LINDY You told Todd to go up there. JOHN So what, Todd is an adult, he didn’t have to do it. LINDY Fine, good job, Todd. TODD Thanks. LINDY You should have known that Todd would do whatever you said. JOHN He’s not a dog. LINDY He might as well be. JOHN That’s really rude.
76. LINDY You’re really rude. That stripper was just doing her job to attract nerds and make a profit off of a large event in her town, and you guys had to be bullies. A male POLICE OFFICER comes into the back room and the gang gets very quiet. POLICE OFFICER Hello. JOHN Hello. POLICE OFFICER Do you all know why you are here? LINDY Because this guy is stupid. Lindy points at Todd. TODD Hey. LINDY I swear, I didn’t do anything. It was all them. JOHN Jeez Lindy, way to just rat us out. POLICE OFFICER It was all him, huh? LINDY Yeah, I swear. POLICE OFFICER Ok then. Prepare for your punishment. The police officer rips of his pants to reveal that he is wearing a black pair of very tight briefs. He begins to do a strip tease to the gang. Everyone looks terrified except for Todd who begins to bob his head in rhythm with the dancer. JOHN What the hell?
77. CURT Is this some kind of joke? POLICE OFFICER I’m the Punisher. TODD The Punisher does not wear that. CURT He also murders people with assault rifles. POLICE OFFICER Fine, I’m just your stereotypical policeman, with buns of steel, who wears his heart on his sleeve, and is gonna pump you all full of led. JOHN Wait, so are we actually arrested? POLICE OFFICER Arrested with love. The stripper starts to shake his hips very aggressively. JOHN But not for real? POLICE OFFICER I’m just paid to dance, but I do have handcuffs. JOHN Ok, Im out of here. CURT Yeah, same here. LINDY This is disgusting. They all start to get up and leave. TODD Keep up the good work, Uh? POLICE OFFICER Steely Steve.
78. TODD Alright. Todd tucks a one dollar bill into the strippers briefs. The gang leaves the room. EXT. NUDE LANDS - DAY The gang walks out of the strip club. On the sidewalk they look about the street as people and cars go by. CURT Well what now? JOHN I don’t know. LINDY Of course you don’t. JOHN Lets just find the van. CURT Didn’t you park it right out front? JOHN Yeah, where is it? TODD I remember, it was right next to that No Parking sign. JOHN What? Todd why didn’t you tell me that? TODD What? JOHN The fact that I was parking in a place that would get the van towed. TODD Didn’t cross my mind at the time. JOHN Next time, you should maybe say something.
79. TODD I’ll make a mental note of it. CURT Once again, great job John. JOHN Its not my fault the van was towed. CURT How is it not your fault? You are the one that made us stop at this god damned strip club. JOHN Hey we voted on it. TODD I had fun. LINDY Sure. TODD I did. I also got tackled. Overall I’d say it was a 7 out of 10. Jim, Kirk, Mindy, and Tom come walking down the sidewalk all eating ice cream cones. JIM And you father smelt of elderberries. JOHN Damn it, I was gonna say that. KIRK Can’t find your van? CURT We had parked it right here. KIRK It appears it was towed. CURT How would you know that? KIRK It says no parking. Kirk points at the sign.
80. KIRK Also I called the tow truck. CURT What, why? JIM Your friend here stole something of mine. A limited addition antenna ball from Burger Shack. CURT Who? JIM That guy. We saw him. Jim points at John. CURT John? JIM We don’t need to know his name, we are the alpha group here. LINDY Alpha group? JIM Yes, now politely suck it. The rival nerds start to walk away. JIM We’re off to the San Diego Zoo. They just got a new penguin and it is cute as shit. John, Curt, Todd, Lindy, and Sarah watch them walk away. EXT. SAN DIEGO ROAD - DAY The gang once again is driving down the streets of San Diego looking at people all round wearing nerdy gear. They all look tired and irritated.
81. INT. VAN - DAY John drives the squealing van. JOHN I can’t believe we had to pay $200 to get the car back. Also sleeping in the van was not as fun as the tent. Everyone looks grumpy. Todd is wearing a shirt that reads "My Van was impounded and all I got was this lousy T-Shirt". EXT. COMIC CON - DAY The gang pulls the van up outside of a large convention center. There are cars and people everywhere. People are wearing costumes, and carrying nerdy props and memorabilia. INT. VAN - DAY The gang looks at people and they pull into a very long line of cars. JOHN Holy cow, this is nuts. CURT Parking is going to take forever. Sarah points out the window. SARAH Superman. TODD Spiderman. SARAH Wonder Woman. CURT Batman. Lindy points at another person. LINDY That’s deadpool. You are gonna see about a million of those guys.
82. JOHN And Doctor Whos. TODD And Sailor Moons. LINDY Harley Quinn. TODD Nightwing. CURT Halo Spartan. LINDY Ms. Marvel. JOHN Spock. TODD Steam Punk gent. JOHN Those assholes that wear a superman shirt under a suit jacket and think there clever being Clark Kent. TODD Those people. CURT Looks like I’m changing my costume. JOHN Soon People will be dressing up as Couch-man. EXT. CONVENTION PARKING LOT - DAY The van drives around and fails to find a parking spot. They find one but it is too small and they fail to parallel park and bump into another car and then quickly drive away. EXT. CONVENTION CENTER - DAY The gang walks up to a long line of people in costumes outside of the convention center. John is wearing a Daredevil Costume, Curt is wearing a Scott Pilgrim Costume, Todd is wearing a Street Fighter Suit, Sarah is still in her
83. ordinary cloths and Lindy is wearing an Adventure Time Fiona Costume. John looks at Curt. JOHN Alright, Curt, you got the tickets? CURT Yep, I handed them to Lindy. LINDY No, you didn’t. CURT Yeah, I did. LINDY No, you did not. CURT I’m pretty sure I did? LINDY Well, I don’t have them. CURT What do you mean you don’t have them? LINDY They are not in my possession, I do not have ownership of them. JOHN What? TODD What does this mean? CURT Nothing, she has to have them, I don’t have them. JOHN Who has the damn tickets? LINDY I don’t know. JOHN Do we not have the tickets?
84. CURT That would be fitting. No place to stay and no tickets to get into the place. JOHN Wow. This is just great. First Lindy comes with us and now she loses our tickets. LINDY Hey, that’s not fair. JOHN How is it not fair? If there was ever a fairer time to be pissed it hasn’t happened yet. LINDY I should be pissed at you, you have been mean to me the entire trip for no reason and you left us stranded. JOHN I actually took care of our sleeping situation for the rest of the trip. TODD Really? JOHN Yes, remember that bouncer that called the police on us? TODD Yeah. JOHN Well that has nothing to do with this story. I called my mom and begged her to give me some money. CURT That worked? JOHN I promised I would move out. Also I might have cried a little bit. TODD Wow. John points at Curt.
85. JOHN Yeah, This was our trip. Ours! And now the whole trip is messed up because of Lindy, who you brought. LINDY Hey, Curt got us the tickets in the first place because of his promotion. JOHN What? CURT Lindy! LINDY Curt still hasn’t told you? John turns from Lindy to Curt. JOHN You got the promotion and you didn’t tell me? CURT I didn’t know how to tell you. JOHN Tell me that you are going to be my boss? Did you invite me out of pity? CURT What? No, your are my best friend. No offense Todd. Todd looks at Curt. TODD Non-taken. JOHN Are we best friends Curt? Because it seems like you have chosen Lindy. CURT Its not like that man. JOHN No, that is exactly what its like. You have taken her side on everything on this trip.
86. CURT That’s not true. Have you thought about how you keep making me choose sides? Both of you. Curt looks at Lindy. JOHN Seems like it hasn’t been that hard for you. CURT John. JOHN What, Curt? You gonna tell me to be quiet, to get over it? Huh? this is the end of the road Curt. We came here for this stupid convention as best friends, supposedly, and now we don’t get to go in. TODD We will get in somehow. JOHN How Todd? TODD I’ll find a way. Todd wanders away from the group. JOHN Where is he going? SARAH I’ll go find out. Sarah chases after Todd. People watch in confusion. JOHN I’m going for a walk. John starts to walk away. JOHN This was our trip, Curt. John pulls the signed note vowing to go to SDCC out of his pocket and crumples it into his fist and walks away angrily.
87. LINDY Are you going after him? CURT I’ll give him some space. EXT. CITY BLOCKS AROUND THE CONVENTION CENTER - DAY John walks down the sidewalk and kicks a can that is on the ground. There are people in costumes everywhere. He sits down on the curb and stares off into the distance by himself. A STAN LEE LOOKALIKE walks up to him. STAN LEE LOOK-ALIKE What’s the matter true believer? JOHN Is that you Stan Lee? STAN LEE LOOK-ALIKE You bet. I’m the famous creator of Spider man and many other classic favorites. JOHN Really? STAN LEE LOOK-ALIKE Would Stan the Man lie? JOHN I guess not. STAN LEE LOOK-ALIKE Why don’t you tell me, Stan Lee, what’s the matter? JOHN Ok, Stan Lee. I’ll tell you, Stan Lee, what the problem is. Ok, here we go, Stan Lee. Stan Lee look-alike nods as he listens to John. JOHN You see Stan Lee, me and my buddy Curt, we have been best friends for a really long time and we always wanted to come to comic con.
88. STAN LEE LOOK-ALIKE To meet me, Stan Lee, the man who created Robert Downey Jr? JOHN Don’t you mean created Iron Man? STAN LEE LOOK-ALIKE Yeah... that’s what I meant, everything is normal here... Stan Lee looks alike shifts his eyes nervously. JOHN Anyway, there is something about the magic of young and old from all over the world sweating in too tight spandex as they hunt through long boxes for the perfect copy of an old brightly colored piece of history. STAN LEE LOOK-ALIKE That sounds wonderful. You should look for some Fantastic Four, I , Stan Lee, created them. Along with Jack Kirby I suppose, but mostly me. JOHN It was wonderful, but then he met a girl named Lindy, who he really likes. STAN LEE LOOK-ALIKE Good for him, I love young people in love. JOHN Yeah, its great and all, just she gets in the way. STAN LEE LOOK-ALIKE Oh no. JOHN Yeah, ever since she came along I just feel like we have been growing apart. STAN LEE LOOK-ALIKE I’ve seen this happen before. Same old story. When you’ve made as many
89. STAN LEE LOOK-ALIKE movie cameos as me you start to pick up on cliches. JOHN Yeah, I would assume so. Whats your favorite one? STAN LEE LOOK-ALIKE I like them all. JOHN Really? STAN LEE LOOK-ALIKE Of course not, but I need the money. JOHN That’s fair. What should I do Stan Lee? STAN LEE LOOK-ALIKE Well I, Stan Lee, think that you need to go talk with your friend. This reminds me of Mall Rats, or maybe The Simpsons, or my time on the Big Bang Theory. I don’t remember. But I know that in other movies I’ve seen it gets figured out when you realize that its okay that your drifting apart and realize that you will always be friends and nothing can change the times you have had together in the past. JOHN Wow, that’s deep Stan Lee. STAN LEE LOOK-ALIKE I know it is. JOHN Do you think that will work? STAN LEE LOOK-ALIKE It seems to work for Hollywood, and it works for me. Even when a scene seems to grow more and more ridiculous, you just have to believe in me, Stan Lee. Stan Lee Look-alike stares off into the distance.
90. STAN LEE LOOK-ALIKE Stan Lee. John looks confused at Stan Lee Look-alike. JOHN Yeah of course. STAN LEE LOOK-ALIKE Anyway, I need to get going. I’ve got to go sign some comics that I wrote. JOHN Yeah, Ok Stan Lee. It was nice talking. STAN LEE LOOK-ALIKE Yeah same here, John. Stan Lee Look-alike walks away. JOHN Wow, how did he know my name? EXT. CONVENTION CENTER - DAY Todd walks down the street along side many other people wearing costumes. He is looking around for a way to sneak into the convention center. Todd Sees a SCALPER that is dressed as Waldo. SCALPER Tickets here. TODD Tickets? SCALPER Tickets. The scalper nods his head. TODD How do I know they are real? SCALPER Would I dress as Waldo just to trick you? Does that sound like something a sane person does? The Scalper laughs anxiously to himself.
91. TODD No, that does sound pretty insane. I guess I will just have to take your word for it Waldo. How much? SCALPER 200 bucks a ticket. TODD That’s pretty steep. SCALPER A small price to pay for 4 days of bliss in a giant concrete convention center filled with your beloved characters. TODD What if I don’t have the cash? SCALPER Then you don’t have the tickets. TODD What If I inform the authorities? SCALPER Well that wouldn’t be very nice. TODD Exactly. Maybe you give me the tickets and we go our separate ways. SCALPER Maybe I tell the police that you were in the middle of buying a ticket and that this is just a cover up. TODD Ok, lets see about this. Todd pulls out his phone and types a few numbers. He puts the phone up to his ear. TODD Hello, I’d like to report a crime. CUT TO:
92. EXT. CONVENTION CENTER - DAY Todd stands outside the convention center standing next to the scalper. Steely Steve from the Strip club shows up and walks towards Todd and the scalper still dressed as a police officer. POLICE OFFICER I heard there was a crime that was needing to be punished? TODD Indeed there is. A most heinous crime. POLICE OFFICER Who did it? TODD It was that man there. Todd points at the scalper. POLICE OFFICER You are under arrest. SCALPER For what? POLICE OFFICER Breaking the law, and my heart. The police officer pulls a boom box from out of frame and presses play. You Give Love a Bad Name by Bon Jovi starts playing. The Police officer rips off his pants and starts doing a similar dance to the one that he did earlier in the club. SCALPER What the hell? The scalper looks disgusted and confused. SCALPER What is this? TODD The modern day Punisher. SCALPER The he doesn’t look anything like the Punisher.
93. TODD But he does wear a lot of tight black spandex. The scalper struggles as the the police officer continues to do his stripe tease. SCALPER Alright, Alright. Here. The Scalper hands Todd a ticket. TODD Nah, uh. I meed 5 tickets. SCALPER Five? Are you crazy? The scalper tries to get away from the police officer and his dance but fails. TODD Five. SCALPER Fine, Five tickets, just get this guy off of me. Todd looks at the police officer. TODD Alright that’s enough Steely Steve. You’ve done good my friend. Todd tucks another bill into his briefs. EXT. CONVENTION CENTER - DAY Curt and Lindy sit outside of the convention center on the curb watching as nerds, geeks, and fan boys and girls go by in and out of the center. CURT Man, this sucks. LINDY I swear I don’t know what happen to the tickets. CURT I know you don’t.
94. LINDY Also I really didn’t mean to tell John about your promotion like that, he just keeps pushing me. Curt looks away from Lindy. CURT I don’t blame you. LINDY It doesn’t sound like you don’t blame me. CURT What do you want me to say? This was supposed to be the one of the best moments of my life. LINDY Even better then the day you met me? Curt stares at the ground for a moment. LINDY I was kidding, but nice to know where we stand. CURT What do you mean? LINDY What? CURT Where we stand? LINDY Well jee, I don’t know Curt, maybe that I’ve been dropping hints at you the whole trip that I might like you. CURT Really? Curt sits up very straight and aware. CURT Like-- Like like?
95. LINDY Wow, like like? Lets not get carried away here. CURT Oh. Curt looks away. LINDY Dang dude, I was joking, yes, like like. Wow, you’re all over the place today. CURT I’m sorry, This whole trip is just been stressful. LINDY You and John have been going at it like crazy. CURT Yea I’m sorry about that, I’m sure he hasn’t won you over like I said he would. LINDY Hey, its okay, I get it, you’re best friends, and no offense but it seems like girls don’t come around much in your group, its uncharted territory for you guys, he probably feels like I am replacing him. Also Ill admit I might have also poked the bear a bit there. CURT Yeah, I guess I could see him feeling that way. I just want to have both of you be friends. Thanks for understanding. LINDY No problem, but if you don’t tell me right now that you like like me back then Im gonna whack you with this sword. Lindy Waves a plastic sword around.
96. CURT What, oh yeah, definitely, I like like you, I’ve like liked you for an embarrassingly long time. Lindy tilts her head cutely and blinks seductively. LINDY Oh shucks. They sit and look at eachother. CURT what now? LINDY Fine, I’ll do all the work you dork. Lindy leans in and kisses Curt. LINDY Now, If we really want to get into this convention, then lets do it. CURT How? Suddenly there is a large gust of wind and Curt and Lindy look to see a silhouetted figure. It is revealed as Todd who is posed very heroically. TODD I have the solution, and it is colored paper with colored ink forming words and images that represent a voucher like pass into the convention. CURT What? Todd slacks and poses normally. TODD Tickets, I got us tickets. LINDY You got us tickets? CURT How? Todd poses very heroically again.
97. TODD I may or may not have gotten in contact with a recent acquaintance that fights for justice through the use of skin tight undergarments and 80s dance moves. CURT What? Todd again loosens up and stands normally. TODD I got in contact with Steely Steve. CURT Oh, ok. LINDY Why can’t you say things normally? TODD Life is no fun that way. Where is John? CURT I don’t know. LINDY We should go find him. CURT Yeah, lets go find my stubborn best friend. Todd poses very heroically again. TODD We shall find our good friend that has lost his way in the rough world and -- Lindy and Curt stare at Todd. Todd again loosens up and stands normally. TODD (CONT.) Lets go finds john. The gang gets up and walks away from the sidewalk.
98. EXT. CITY BLOCKS AROUND THE CONVENTION CENTER - DAY Curt, Lindy, and Todd walk down the sidewalk and find John Sitting wearing a pair of khaki pants, a white dress shirt, striped tie, and dress shoes. CURT John. JOHN Curt. CURT What are you doing? JOHN I’m changing, Curt. CURT What do you mean, your changing? JOHN It’s time to grow up right? John looks out into the distance very seriously. JOHN We are all grown ups now -- TODD I’m not. LINDY We all know that Todd. CURT What are you talking about, John? JOHN I’m both changing literally and figuratively, or metaphorically. Its symbolism. The classic suit and tie. I don’t know if you get it? CURT I got it. JOHN Did you? It’s a change from the comic outfit.
99. CURT Yeah, I definitely get it. TODD I get it. JOHN Ok, cool. CURT What does this mean? JOHN Its time to stop being goofy and get a real job. I think I’ll become an accountant, or maybe an anesthesiologist. You don’t need to go to school for those right? CURT What brought this on? JOHN Me and Stan Lee had a heart to heart. CURT Stan Lee? JOHN Yes. Stan Lee taught me that its fine to change and that we all do, but that isn’t bad. Also that Stan Lee likes to say his own name a lot. CURT Are you sure about this? JOHN Pretty sure. I’m throwing out the old life and moving on, I’m gonna be a pansy like you and wear collared shirts. I think that losing the tickets was the sign that I needed. CURT What if we said that we managed to get more tickets?
100. JOHN What? Curt points at Todd who reveals 5 tickets. JOHN Oh, Man. John rips off the entire office suit in one motion and reveals that he is still wearing the Daredevil costume under those cloths. CURT Alright, that’s what I’m talking about. JOHN Lets do this. John and Curt look at each other. CURT John, I just want you to know that you’re my dude, Robin to my Batman, Bucky to my Captain America. JOHN Why am I the sidekicks? CURT Fine, you can be Captain America. But anyway, just because Peter Parker starts hanging out with Mary Jane doesn’t mean he stops fighting crime with Daredevil. I’m sorry I took you for granted. JOHN This is getting sappy-- But, I know, I’m sorry. Thank you. Lindy looks at John. LINDY John. JOHN Lindy. LINDY I don’t know what happened to those other tickets.
101. JOHN I know. LINDY I’m sorry. JOHN For what? LINDY Are you really doing this? JOHN Yes. LINDY Fine, I’m sorry for making fun of you and arguing with you. I know that this is important to you guys and I don’t want to get in between you both. JOHN Thank you. Lindy looks at John. LINDY Do you want to say anything? JOHN Fine. I suppose that I am sorry for undermining you and contradicting your every move. -- And for saying you ruined everything. LINDY Thank you. CURT Ok, and I’m sorry to both of you. Because It seems that I had the tickets in my costume pocket the entire time. Curt pulls tickets out of his pocket. JOHN What? LINDY Really?
102. TODD Are you kidding me? After all I went through to get us new ones? CURT Its not important. Lets focus on the fact that we all learned a valuable lesson. They all look at Curt. CURT We should get going in right? TODD Where is Sarah? LINDY She went after you. TODD Really? CUT TO: EXT. CITY BLOCKS AROUND THE CONVENTION CENTER - DAY Sarah walks around down the sidewalks looking for Todd. She sees a service door that is open on the side of the convention center and runs into it. EXT. CONVENTION CENTER - DAY The gang walks up to the convention center again this time with their tickets in hand. They make it through the line and finally get to redeem there badges and enter the facilities. INT. COMIC CON - DAY Curt, John, Lindy, and Todd enter the Comic Con Facilities. It is filled to the brim with people in all kinds of costumes carrying all kinds of items. They all gaze with wide wonder. JOHN Curt.
103. CURT John. JOHN Todd. TODD John. CURT Todd. TODD Curt. CURT Lindy. LINDY Curt. CURT We are here. JOHN Indeed we are. Sarah walks over to them. SARAH Indeed we are. They all look at Sarah confused. TODD Where did you come from? SARAH Oh yeah, long story. CUT TO: INT. COMIC CON LOADING DOCKS - DAY Sarah runs in the door and hides in a back room. She then makes her way through down stairs passages, climbs, through ceilings, runs up stairs, stops at a vending machine, and then makes her way out to the main floor of the convention. SARAH (V.O) I made my way though a back door and then up stairs and stopped for a snickers.
104. CUT TO: INT. COMIC CON - DAY The gang looks a her as she tells her story. TODD That wasn’t really that long of a story. Sarah Shrugs. SARAH Mhh, I guess not, it seemed longer. I did a lot of walking. They all look at her in confusion. CURT Well anyway. Lets do this. The gang walks around the convention center. They go through panels, the show floor, look at all kinds of merchandise and gear, and take pictures with other people in costumes. Curt and John wait in line and Show an ARTIST their Couch-Man comic.The artist smiles and nods. Multiple ATTENDEES come up to Sarah and take pictures with her. Sarah signs a few autographs. Curt sees a picture that appears to be Sarah wearing Goggles, a lab coat, and holding a beaker. CURT Holy crap, are you Professor F? From Physics Fun with Professor F.? SARAH Yeah. My last name is Franklin. CURT Oh my god, Professor F. has been with us the whole time? I didn’t recognize you with the bike, and hair, and -- Can I have your autograph? JOHN Me too, I loved your show. TODD Yeah.
105. LINDY Can I have one? Sarah Pulls out a sharpie from her bag. INT. COMIC CON HALLWAY - DAY They bump into the Rival Nerds walking down the hall all in costumes. Curt taps John on the shoulder. John, Todd, Lindy, and Sarah turn around and face the rival nerds. They square off like a wild west movie. John pulls out a foam sword and charges with it at Jim. Curt charges at Kirk, Lindy charges at Mindy, Todd charges at Tom, and Sarah pulls out a frisbe from her bag and carefully looks around the room before throwing it and perfectly bouncing it off the walls and right into Jims face. A battle with fake weapons commences. John stabs Jim and stands victorious. Jim stares at John. JIM How? JOHN Bitch, you messed with the wrong betas. SECURITY GUARDS come in and pull them all apart. EXT. CONVENTION CENTER - DAY The gang leaves the center with armfuls of items and with large smiles on their faces. They all make their way down the street and towards their van. JOHN That was amazing. TODD Did anyone else see that 15 foot tall Charzard? LINDY I got 8 autographs.
106. CURT The people looking at our work said it seemed promising, I have a bunch of new ideas. Couch-man the TV show, Couch-man the ride, Couch-man the inflatable bath pillow. SARAH I convinced people that I was the casting director for the next Star Trek movie. I got like 300 head shots. They continue looking around for the van. JOHN Guys where is the Van? CURT What, didn’t we park it here? TODD Yeah, and I swear there was no No Parking sign. LINDY Did it get towed again? JOHN I don’t know. If I knew then I would not be asking. TODD That stands to reason. CURT Come on guys we will find it. The gang continues to search the street. CUT TO: EXT. CITY BLOCKS AROUND THE CONVENTION CENTER - DAY The van drives down the street.
107. INT. VAN - DAY The scalper drives the Van down the street laughing. SCALPER You think you can mess with me and get away with it? The Scalper laugh maniacally to himself. SCALPER You will learn a hard lesson Mr. man I didn’t get the name of and Steely Steve. You’ll see. The Scalper laughs more. Text appears on the screen reading "To Be Continued?" FADE OUT

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Feature Script Sample

  • 1. Geeky Road Trip Film By Thomas Sorensen Thomas Sorensen 13440 Friar St. Los Angeles 91401 thomassorensenfilm@gmail.com 314-660-7360
  • 2. FADE IN: EXT. CITY - DAY A news clip clicks on a Television set. Video Footage Montage of GEEKY PEOPLE, wearing a variety of pop culture reference T shirts, other eccentric outfits, and tattoos walking around down town city. NARRATOR Nerds, Geeks, regular people that just happen to wear glasses or short sleeve dress shirts with pens in their pockets. They walk into bars, restaurants, and store fronts. A LADY walks a dog. NARRATOR They look like normal people, but don’t be fooled. Blessed are the Geeks for they shall inherit the earth. INT. ESTABLISHMENTS - DAY Montage of Interiors of a variety bars, restaurants,store fronts, and Geeky people inside of them. NARRATOR A week from now thousands of nerds, geeks, dorks, dweebs, weebs, spazes, and other people will crowd into the 25th annual San Deigo Comic Con. A REPORTER asks a MAN ON THE STREET what he thinks. REPORTER What do you think about comic con? MAN ON STREET It threatens our way of life, our popularness, our baller social circles, they think they are cool but they really arn’t, we are cool. Know what will always be cool? A Mustang, a perfect spiral, Jakes dope haircut he got that one time.
  • 3. 2. REPORTER Well you’ve heard it hear, everyone besides this man have caught geek fever and they need a doctor. Medical officials will be on site to aid people suffering from asthma, social anxiety, and fan boy fainting. The Television clip Clicks off. EXT. COMIC SHOP - DAY The sun shines across a comic book store front. INT. PULP AND STUFF COMIC SHOP - DAY CURT,(27), a stocky man wearing a Captain America shirt stands in a comic shop and is flipping through a long box of comic books. JOHN,(28), a skinny shaggy haired man wearing a Donkey Kong T shirt walks into the shop and also begins to flip through books. JOHN Hey Curt. CURT Where were you, John? JOHN My mom made me do the dishes before I left. CURT I already picked up my books for the week. JOHN Are you still getting Justice League? CURT No. Can’t afford too many books. JOHN Bummer. Want me to spot you? CURT No that’s ok. Oh hey, San Diego Comic Con is next week.
  • 4. 3. JOHN Too bad we can’t go to it, tickets are so hard to get. CURT Yeah, Its stupid we live in Seattle and haven’t been. Its like living next door to Mecca and never going. We could just zip down the coast. JOHN I think you are underestimating the distance but I get your point. I once made a want list for Christmas and it was San Diego Comic Con listed 38 times. CURT I know right. Think of all the artists we could see, we could show them our Radioactive Couch-man Comic we have been working on. JOHN We make it big, and rule the land of exclusives, comics, and $80 autographs. CURT Bi-pass the lines that are 1,000,000 nerds long. JOHN Geeks, and yes it’s mouth watering in every aspect. Curt makes his way to the counter and checks out. EXT. PULP AND STUFF COMICS - DAY Curt and John walk out of the store and begin to walk down the street. JOHN Where should we grab a bite to eat? CURT I can’t today. I’ve got to go see Lindy in a bit.
  • 5. 4. JOHN Are you serious? We get comics and food every Wednesday. Ever since you met Lindy at that Patrick Ruthfuss book signing you are busy all the time. CURT I know man, she just really wants to hang out. JOHN She has got you by the balls man, they were swinging, and now she has got them. And you are not even dating. John acts our a grabbing motion. CURT Do you have to be so crude? JOHN Yes, it’s called shock value. You can’t even go get food with your best friend. You’ve got to go get Mani pedis. CURT You’re just jealous we have a new friend in the group that has boobs that aren’t prefixed with the word man, and that she wants to spend time with me. Curt stops to tie his shoe. CURT (CONT.) Also We’re not getting mani pedis. But I will say I would be happy if we were, they are freaking awesome. JOHN What are you doing? CURT Were going to marathon the Twilight Movies. JOHN You suck Curt. When I accidentally watched the first one thinking it was a Twilight Zone movie it was
  • 6. 5. JOHN the worst vampire experience I have ever had. CURT What about that time you were actually attacked by a vampire bat? JOHN Oh yeah. Chicks do not dig guys with parasites. CURT Don’t you have work soon anyway? JOHN That’s irrelevant. I can show up whenever I want. They can’t fire me, they would be lost with out their fearless leader. CURT We are both fry cooks at Burger Shack, calm down Tony Stark. JOHN Screw you, its just a matter of time before they give me that promotion. CURT Hey, they might give it to me you know. JOHN That’s the spirit Curt, you keep telling yourself that. Like I keep telling myself I am the next Brian K. Vaughn and being a fry cook is only temporary. CURT Is it, we do the starving artist thing for a bit before Couch-Man become a massive hit. Just based off statistics, eventually someone has to like our work. A person walks by with a dog and John stops to pet it. JOHN (CONT.) Anyway, still better than being whinny Peter Parker whipped by Mary Jane over here.
  • 7. 6. CURT Hey, one, Peter Parker and Mary Jane were a romance for the ages, two, we are not dating. JOHN Fine. Anyway are you going to Todd’s Tomorrow night? CURT I should be. JOHN You’re not bringing Lindy are you? CURT Maybe, shes pretty great, she can probably name more Simpsons quotes than you, I don’t see why you don’t like her. JOHN Dude come on. She’s an over-analyzier. Remember when we invited her to Mario Bros 3 night and she just kept talking about how if Mario really wanted change he should take non-violent socio-politcal action? CURT Fine. I won’t bring her. JOHN Perfect, more time for us guys, we don’t hang like we used to. John stops in front of a bar. JOHN Are you sure we can’t just stop in for a quick drink and burger? Mary Jane doesn’t have to know. Curt looks at his watch. CURT Fine, if it will get you off my back. Also, do you really think I might have a shot? They walk into the bar.
  • 8. 7. INT. GEEK BAR - DAY Curt and John sit at a crowded bar. The bar is decorated with pop culture items, arcade games, video games, and TVs. They both have menus shaped like robots. A WAITER who is wearing a red Star Trek Uniform comes over to their table. JOHN I will have a pint of your cheapest beer and a double cheese burger. The waiter looks at Curt. CURT Same but no beer. The waiter walks away. JOHN No beer? CURT Lindy pointed out I should try to save more money. John makes a whipping motion and whipping sound with a laser like tone. CURT Hey, Im trying to grow up a little bit man. As much as I love Kevin Smith movies, we can’t be slackers forever. We’re in our late twenties and none of us or our friends even have cars. John repeats the motion. CURT What is that sound, is that a whip? JOHN A Laser whip. CURT Fine. Waiter. The waiter comes back over. Curt looks at the menu. CURT I’ll have a Spider Island Iced Tea. The waiter nods and walks away. Curt looks at John.
  • 9. 8. CURT Just one. CUT TO: INT. BAR - LATER THAT DAY Curt and John sit at the bar with empty plates and multiple empty glasses each. CURT How can you say that the new Hawkeye comics are not the best thing ever? JOHN It’s ehh. CURT What? JOHN Its ok, just I think its overrated. CURT Over rated? Pshh. John Laughs and looks at his watch. JOHN Hey when where you going to see Lindy? CURT At 7. JOHN So, its okay that it’s 8:30, right? CURT Shit, I’ve got to go. JOHN See ya. And remember don’t bring her tomorrow. Curt throws some money on the bar and runs out.
  • 10. 9. INT. TODD’S HOUSE - NEXT EVENING Curt and John sit on a dirty looking couch in an apartment living room covered in geek and pop culture related posters, action figures, and other comic related items. TODD,(26), man with long curly hair wearing an open bathrobe and no shirt or pants plays a Nintendo Entertainment System. LINDY,(29), quirky looking girl wearing a blue sweater and jeans sits in between Curt and John looking very bored. LINDY I’m bored. I’m gonna use the bathroom. Lindy gets up. TODD How can you be bored? The Duck Tales game is a classic. Lindy gives Todd a look of confusion and walks away. JOHN You brought her? CURT She wanted to come, I couldn’t say no. JOHN Sure you could have, this is dudes night. CURT Okay, but to be fair that is every night. TODD You guys want a turn? JOHN No. CURT Don’t be such a popular yet affordable bicycle, John. JOHN Are you saying I’m being Huffy? CURT Yes, and I have a surprise that Might cheer you up.
  • 11. 10. JOHN Harrison Ford is coming over? CURT No, but you might like to know that I happen to have a way for us to get 4 tickets to San Diego Comic Con. JOHN Really? CURT Yeah. TODD Oh. I would kill to go. Todd turns his head and looks very serious. TODD Kill. John looks at Todd and then back to Curt. JOHN Okay, that’s not slightly concerning. So how do you have tickets? CURT This morning our boss offered me them. Said something like he won them in a radio contest and that I’m into that nerdy shit and I could take my boyfriends. TODD What a prick. Who also is confusingly nice. Watch your back, if he ever offers you Kool-aid don’t drink it. No matter how sugary and sexy their mascot is. Thank goodness I was fired a long time ago. Curt looks and frowns at Todd. JOHN So we have been sitting here playing this ridiculous game talking about nothing while you’ve been sitting on this treasure trove of information?
  • 12. 11. TODD Hey, respect the classics. CURT I was thinking we could finally make our geek pilgrimage to SDCC. JOHN My god, this is going to be awesome! CURT We all know what comic con means. JOHN Rows and rows of stuff I don’t need but will die if I don’t have. CURT Exactly. TODD My mouth is watering. We go to Comic Con and then people will finally respect us. CURT 4 tickets baby. Enough for all of us. All we need to do is get there. TODD Wait, who is the fourth ticket for? Lindy comes back into the room. LINDY Did he tell you guys? Looks like we are all going to comic con together. John turns and stares intensely at Curt. JOHN Lindy? CURT I figured the more the merrier. JOHN Curt, That’s the logic of hoarders. Two best buds not good enough for you?
  • 13. 12. CURT Do you want the ticket or not? JOHN I love you Lindy. Todd and John look at Curt who smiles awkwardly. INT. GEEK BAR - DAY John, Todd, and Lindy sit at a table with maps, brochures, comics, and notebooks. Curt carries 4 beers over to the table. There is a spot next to John and Lindy. Curt chooses to sit next to Lindy and John notices this. CURT Ok, this is a once in a life time chance for us guys. Broke geeks getting tickets to comic con. This will change our lives. We can put this on our resumes. We just need to iron out a plan. TODD All the comics. JOHN All the girls. LINDY John you’re disgusting. Also pretty costumes. JOHN Pretty costumes? Are you serious? Cosplay artists. LINDY You guys are ridiculous. TODD Ridiculously excited. I saw the comic con exclusive action figures list and wept with joy. CURT Either way. We still have the little problem of getting there. Last time I checked none of us had a vehicle.
  • 14. 13. TODD I’ll take car of that. JOHN Did you just say you would take car of that? TODD Yeah. Get it Car, care, car. JOHN You suck Todd. CURT How would you get this car, Todd? TODD I know a guy. CURT A guy? TODD An old guy. JOHN Old guy? TODD Yeah I saw him on the bus the other day. Said that he was trying to sell his Van. CURT Ok, yeah, check that out. That sounds like a Grand Caravan of an idea. They all frown at Curt as Curt laughs to himself. JOHN I’m not letting you drive though. Last time you borrowed your parents car when we went to the Harry Potter premier you almost hit that kid dressed as Ron Weasly. TODD To be fair there are so many Weasly kids I doubt anyone would have noticed, but thats a good idea, I don’t even have a license.
  • 15. 14. CURT God Damn it, Todd. CURT What the Fuck, Todd. TODD Hey you guys wanted a ride, I got you a ride, and Ill get us another ride. CURT Ok. Next we need a place to stay. JOHN I think I have like a long lost cousin out there or something. I’ll talk to my mom about it. CURT ok, check. Next a plan for while we are at the con. Maximize efficiency, get our work seen, and also have fun. We’re not gonna be those Big Bang Theory fan suckers and just walk around aimlessly. LINDY I like the Big Bang Theory. JOHN You would. LINDY What does that mean? CURT There’s some weak points to the show. LINDY Like what? TODD It makes geeks look like nerds. JOHN Its a show about geeks not a show for geeks. CURT There’s no female geeks in it.
  • 16. 15. LINDY There was no female geeks in your group before me. JOHN Yes, but not because we don’t believe girls can be geeks, just because we’re bums. Also who said you were officially in the group? LINDY Fine, whatever. Its still funnier than you guys are, except for Curt maybe. Lindy smiles at Curt. Curt smiles back awkwardly. LINDY (CONT.) And I’ll win a geek-off any day of the week. TODD Hey don’t say things you can’t take back. CURT Anyway. Back to the matter at hand. Lets get packed and get this stuff done. Todd find that old man, John call your cousin. Ill make us an itinerary. LINDY What should I do? John looks at her. JOHN Uh, Hands together. Friendship on three. Lindy looks annoyed. Curt, John, and Todd put there hands together, count to three and yell friendship. Lindy watches in shock. LINDY Nerds. JOHN, CURT, TODD Geeks.
  • 17. 16. EXT. OLD MANS HOUSE - DAY Todd walks up to an old looking house. He has a piece of paper with an address written on it. Todd goes to the door and knocks on it. He waits a few moments and then an OLD MAN,(67) answers the door with a shotgun and a joint in his mouth. OLD MAN What do you want? TODD Wow, sweet gun. OLD MAN Sweet gun? TODD It looks real, that’s a good replica. The old man shoots a squirrel that is running across the yard. TODD Fuck, old man. OLD MAN Who are you? TODD I’m Todd, I talked to you on the bus one day about a Van. I found your ad but there was only an address and no phone number. OLD MAN Yes right. Sorry about that. I don’t have a phone, never know when big brother might be listening. Your the geek. TODD I would prefer Pop Culture Enthusiast, but better than nerd. OLD MAN Are you interested in the Van? TODD I think so.
  • 18. 17. OLD MAN They took away my license. TODD Too old? OLD MAN Too many parking tickets. I don’t believe in parking meters, that their life not mine. Todd nods. TODD I can get behind that, I don’t even have a license. OLD MAN Good for you. Me and my wife Shelly don’t get out much anymore. Come on I’ll show you the Van. Old man leads Todd away from the door. He pulls the joint out of his mouth and offers it to Todd. OLD MAN Hit? TODD Word Up old man. This could be the start of a beautiful friendship. Todd takes the joint and takes a puff. TODD Yep, friends forever. Todd and the Old Man walk around the house. OLD MAN I haven’t gotten too many interested people. The whole non-licensed, failing inspection, hazard to yourself and others comments from my mechanic seem too have scared people off. TODD Not me. I’ve developed a system. Its the "just not worry about it approach". If you just don’t care long enough, eventually someone else will take care of it.
  • 19. 18. The old man stops and looks at Todd. OLD MAN Yep, friends forever. The old man puts his arm around Todd and they walk to the garage. INT. JOHN’S PARENTS HOUSE LIVING ROOM - DAY John walks into the living room that is finely decorated with nice couches, coffee table,and TV. JOHN"S MOM,(53), a woman in a blouse and khaki pants sits on the couch. JOHN Mom, do we have any pizza rolls? JOHNS MOM There’s some in the freezer. JOHN Awesome. John starts to walk to the freezer but stop and stares off into the distance for a moment. JOHNS MOM What is it, Honey? JOHN There was something I was gonna ask you about. Something important. JOHNS MOM I got new dipping sauce, it’s in the fridge. JOHN That’s it. John walks over to the freezer and talks out a box of Pizza rolls. JOHN Yeah, that was it.
  • 20. 19. INT. CURT’S HOUSE - DAY Curt is sitting at a table with his laptop out. Lindy sits next to him playing a game on her laptop. CURT Yes, done with the itinerary. Just got to show it to the guys. Curt looks at Lindy. CURT Just so you know, I’m really excited you are coming with. I know John can be a real A-Hole sometimes, but I swear he will win you over. LINDY Well you’ve won me over. CURT Is that line from a TV show? LINDY I don’t think so. CURT It sounds like it is, its kind of cheesy. LINDY Hey, I like you still, don’t make me change my mind. CURT Ok. Curt clicks his computer and closes it. LINDY I just feel like he holds you back. CURT We have the same job. LINDY But you got that promotion. CURT I haven’t accepted it yet. I don’t know how to tell John that I might be his manager. He really wanted
  • 21. 20. CURT it. Also please do not tell him that our boss gave the tickets to me as a celebration. LINDY I’m just saying there is a reason they gave it to you, not John. CURT He’s my best friend. LINDY And there is nothing wrong with that, I just don’t want him keeping you down. CURT I assure you, it will be ok. LINDY Ok. I have your word you’ll talk to him if he gives me problems? CURT Yes, you have my word. LINDY Ok, cool, because I’m just as excited for this trip, if not more. Curt and Lindy high five and then smile at each other. CURT Now, lets go pack. I’m having troubles fitting my Kingdom Hearts keyblade in my duffel bag. INT. GEEK BAR - NIGHT Curt, John, Todd, and Lindy sit at a table drinking beers. CURT Ok guys. Do we all like the itinerary? JOHN Show floor, panels, food, and bathroom break times. Very thorough.
  • 22. 21. TODD Not a ton of sleep it looks like. CURT Sleep is for the weak Todd. You can sleep when your dead--Or whenever you want I guess, I have no control over you. LINDY How did the car thing go, Todd? TODD Oh you’ll just have to wait and see. It’s gonna rock your world. Curt squints and stares at Todd suspiciously. TODD What? CURT I don’t know, last time you said something was going to rock my world was at my birthday party where you gave me a rock, and it only partially rocked my world. TODD I promise, your world will be rocked to a satisfying capacity. CURT Ok. John, how is our lodging? John finishes taking a drink and burps. JOHN Oh, uh, its good, all figured out. Perfect. Were good to go. All set. Perfect. CURT Hmm, that’s a lot of goods and perfects, but sounds legit. Curt lifts up his beer and proposes a cheer. CURT You should all pat yourselves on the back for putting this together. We have called in a lot of favors. This might be our only chance to go
  • 23. 22. CURT to Comic Con. If we fail we miss the event of a lifetime and will live a life of shame until we all resent each other, ourselves, and geekdom so much that we all get jobs in cubicals. TODD That’s cheery. JOHN Our health, safety, and most importantly our reputations as geeks are at stake. But, this will also be the story of a lifetime. Lets do this. John raises his glass up also. LINDY To your confusingly nice dickhole angel of a boss. Todd raised his glass. TODD To the old man. Lindy raises her glass. JOHN To a road trip of adventure, crazy spending, and geek themed debauchery. CURT Or you know, to responsible choices. They all clink glasses together. INT. GEEK BAR - NIGHT MONTAGE Curt, John, Todd, and Lindy drink multiple beers. They play arcade games intensely. John gets in an argument with ANOTHER GEEK at the bar. John and Lindy both try to pull Curt in opposite directions. They party into the night.
  • 24. 23. EXT. TODDS HOUSE - NEXT DAY Curt, John, Todd, and Lindy stand outside in Todd’s drive way. They all appear hung over. They look at an old falling apart minivan that is painted like a psychedelic rip-off of The Mystery Machine. All of their bags sit in a pile. JOHN So he just let you buy this awesome vehicle? TODD I know, right? Its perfect, and It only cost me 500 bucks. CURT You had 500 dollars sitting around? TODD Credit cards, bitches. Todd Smiles and nods and then turns serious. TODD (CONT.) But really I have crippling debt. CURT Is it safe? TODD Safe? Is fort knox safe? Is a safe safe? Is anyone really ever safe? Todd puts finger quotes up when he says safe. Everyone stares at Todd for a moment. LINDY It’s kinda dirty. TODD Hey don’t talk about my new baby like that. Curt opens up the back doors of the van. CURT Is this blood in here? John also walks to the back and looks into the van with curt.
  • 25. 24. TODD Yeah. The guy who sold it to me said he used to haul dead animals in it after he would go hunting. JOHN Cool, adds character. Todd jumps in the van and looks around. Todd points at a cup holder. CURT Cool. Cup holder. TODD Exactly Curt, and You know what, because we are friends I will let you put a cup in there while we make our way to Comic Con! Todd does a little dance. JOHN Alright! CURT Yes. Curt, John, and Todd all high five. JOHN Ok, let’s load her up. The group starts loading bags into the car. LINDY I call shotgun. JOHN Wow wow wow. Hold on. You don’t get shotgun. My main man Curt gets shotgun. You can sit in the back with Todd. Todd waves awkwardly at Lindy. LINDY I’m not sitting back there. Todd smells like cheese. TODD Only because I eat a lot of cheese, specially of the dairy variety.
  • 26. 25. LINDY Also I get carsick. If you want me to yak all over the place then fine I’ll sit in the back. Curt walks over to John and puts his hand on johns shoulder. CURT John can she sit in the front? JOHN This is our trip man, this has been our dream. CURT John. JOHN Fine. Get in the front. LINDY Thank you, also if you wouldn’t let me have the front I wouldn’t let you in on this. Lindy opens a backpack filled with candy, soda, and snacks. LINDY Nobody gave me anything to take care of, but I figured nobody would be unhappy with some snacks. TODD Forget Wheaties, this is the breakfast of champions. They all grab a snack and climb into the van. INT. VAN - DAY John sits behind the steering wheel, Lindy sits in the passenger seat and Curt and Todd sit in the back. JOHN Ok, before we go does anyone need to use the bathroom? Because once we leave we are not stopping. TODD Nope.
  • 27. 26. CURT I’m good. John looks at Lindy. JOHN Lindy? LINDY Gosh, no, can we go? JOHN Ok, fine, lets "hit it" like a cheap knock off of the popular childrens toy Bop It. John backs the van out of the drive way as the motor sputters and the van squeaks very loud. John hits a trash can as he turns. JOHN Still better then Todd. CURT Lets just pray this van makes it there. TODD Hey, in this Van, nothing could possibly go wrong. INT. VAN - LATER THAT DAY John drives the car, Lindy has her feet up on the dash board, and Curt and Todd read comics in the back. John turns the radio dials but nothing is happening. JOHN The radio doesn’t work. Todd pulls out a box of Cassette tapes and pulls out a tape. Todd hands John a tape. TODD Here, try this. JOHN Sweet, you have cassette tapes? LINDY What year is this?
  • 28. 27. TODD The guy I bought the van from also had a ton of cassette tapes. Lindy grabs the box. LINDY Let me look through it. Lindy pulls out a tape. LINDY This one. CURT What is that one? TODD I don’t know. It’s a mix tape labeled Shelly and I. I’m assuming some 80s love songs. LINDY The best driving music. JOHN No way, the best driving music is the soundtrack to the arcade game Crusin’ USA. CURT John please. JOHN Oh fine. Todd pops the tape into the tape deck. It begins to play sounds of two people having sex. There is grunting, moaning, and a man saying the name Shelly. CURT What the hell? LINDY Oh god, turn it off. TODD No, keep it on. Its steamy. Another point to old man. LINDY No thank you.
  • 29. 28. JOHN No, it stays on. This is what you wanted to listen to. LINDY Turn it off. JOHN No. LINDY Fine. I have to use the bathroom. JOHN I told you we are not stopping. LINDY Do you want me to pee in the car? JOHN Do it. LINDY Fine. John looks over at Lindy who stares back at him intensely. John tries to stare back but gives up. JOHN Oh okay. Well stop. John pulls the car onto an exit ramp and we see a sign with a listing of gas stations. EXT. GAS STATION - DAY The van pulls up to the gas station. INT. VAN - DAY John sits in the driver seat, Lindy prepares to get out. JOHN Well I guess I might as well get some gas while we’re here anyway. LINDY I’m going inside. Lindy gets out.
  • 30. 29. EXT. GAS STATION - DAY Lindy walks across the parking lot and into the gas station. John gets out and starts pumping gas. Todd and Curt get out and stretch. JOHN Whats with Lindy, man? CURT What? JOHN She’s already being a major buzz kill. CURT You could be nicer. JOHN Nicer? I’ve been nice as hell, I’m a regular Mister Fucking Rogers. Aren’t I Todd? John turns around to look at Todd. JOHN Todd, tell Curt how nice I am. Todd is across the parking lot and is petting a dog and talking to a cow girl looking woman named SARAH,(26). JOHN You suck Todd. John turns back to pumping gas. CURT I don’t see why you have problems with her. You both have a lot more in common than you think. JOHN We have been wanting to go to Comic Con forever and now we get to go and then she also gets to come. I once asked her if she liked Doctor Who and she responded with "Doctor Who?". She was literally asking Doctor who? and then we proceeded to have a Doctor Who themed rip off of an Abbot and Costello Routine.
  • 31. 30. CURT I’m pretty sure she was screwing with you. Or sonic screwdrivering with you. Curt laughs to himself. John stares at Curt very seriously. JOHN You have to stop that Curt. CURT Dude, I tell you what. Once we get to the con, there is bound to be some events that she wont want to go to and then just you and me can kick it kids in a candy shop on cocaine style around the venue. JOHN Ok, do I have your word on that? CURT Yes. You have my word. JOHN Ok. John opens the car and digs through a duffel bag and pulls out a piece of paper. JOHN Hey, Check this out. Do you remember this? Curt looks at the paper. It is a beat up old handwritten note that reads "Curt and John Pledge that they will go to San Diego Comic Con. They will also fly their in their own private jets." It has both of their signatures on it. CURT Oh wow, we wrote that a long time ago. At least we are doing one of those things. JOHN We are so close. Also I figure if we sell Todd then we might be able to afford those Jets. CURT Only if the jets also look like a Hanna Barbera fever dream. Curt looks at the note again.
  • 32. 31. CURT (CONT.) This is great. We should show Lindy. John looks at Curt and then takes the note back. JOHN Yeah -- sure. Maybe once we get there. CURT Okay cool, now, I’m going to go void my bladder. Curt walks past Todd and Sarah and into the Gas Station. Todd and Sarah Converse. TODD Where are you headed? SARAH Nowhere really, you? TODD San Diego Comic Con. SARAH I love San Diego. INT. GAS STATION - DAY John walks into the gas station and walks up to a register and ROGER, (24), the gas station attendant. Curt and Lindy walk around the gas station looking at snacks. JOHN 20 bucks on pump 3. ROGER That van out there? JOHN The wannabe Mystery Machine, yep. John pays the man and walks over to Curt and Lindy who are looking at Gas Station Porn Films. LINDY These are the worst.
  • 33. 32. JOHN What are you talking about, the adult parody of Kangaroo Jack looks awesome. How did they not get in trouble for copyright infringement. John looks at a DVD case entitled "Kangaroo Jackin-it". LINDY They have the worst titles. JOHN I think Timmy Thunder in Ass plunger Land 7 sounds intriguing. The cover shows men and women posing in construction safety gear and covering themselves with traffic cones. LINDY You would. JOHN You know what? I’m gonna buy it. I’m sure its a quality piece of cinema that many people worked very hard on. John flips it over and looks at the cover. JOHN Especially this guy. He has a hard hat on. EXT. GAS STATION - DAY Curt, John, and Lindy walk out of the gas station. John is carrying a brown paper bag with the porn films in it. They walk by a group of nerds like them. KIRK,(25), looks very similar to Curt, JIM, (25), looks very similar to John, TOM, (25), looks very similar to Todd, Mindy, (26), looks very similar to Lindy. The rival nerds are admiring the van. KIRK Nice Van. CURT Thanks. JIM Kind of like a less cool version of the Mystery Machine.
  • 34. 33. JOHN What? This is the V8 Interceptor of Vans. John stares at Rival Nerd that seems just like him. JOHN Who are you? JIM Jim. This is Kirk, Tom, and Mindy. Jim points at Kirk, Tom, and Mindy as he introduces them all. John, Curt, and Lindy look at each other in confusion. JOHN Where you going? JIM San Diego Comic Con. LINDY Oh wow, so are we. Jim, Kirk, Tom, and Mindy stare at Curt, John, and Lindy suspiciously. MINDY Of course you are. LINDY What do you mean? MINDY You guys look like typical bandwagon fans. JOHN What? Have you seen our ride? JIM Have you seen ours? Jim points at another car in the gas Station that is painted like the Ecto-1 car from Ghostbusters and has a ghost antenna ball. CURT Damn, how did we not see that when we pulled in.
  • 35. 34. JIM Painted it ourselves. JOHN A crazy old guy painted ours. KIRK We bought our tickets 8 months ago. CURT We got ours for free. TOM I haven’t showered in three days. CURT Our version of you never showers. TOM That’s disgusting. JOHN You bet your ass it is. Both groups stare down their doppelgangers. CURT Why are you guys such assholes? We’re all geeks here. KIRK We have been going to Comic Con for years now, we are the superior brand of nerds. Homosupieor as you might say. CURT Did you just quote Magneto? You know he is a villian. KIRK And he is badass as balls. See you around Nerds. JOHN Geeks. Curt, John, and Lindy walk away as the rival nerds enter the gas station. JOHN Man, those less attractive versions of us suck.
  • 36. 35. LINDY What kind of name is Mindy? CURT Kirk? Who does he think he is. JOHN Bandwagon fans? We own the bandwagon. CURT Yeah-- Wait would that be good or bad? JOHN Who cares as long as we can throw those guys off. Curt and Lindy walk towards the van. John quickly turns his head and then runs over to the Ecto-1 and steals the Antenna ball. INT. VAN - DAY Curt, John and Lindy get into the van. Todd and Sarah and the dog sit in the car. TODD Whats in the bag? JOHN Porn. Whats with the girl? TODD She’s Sarah. Sarah sticks her hand out to shake Curt’s hand. SARAH I’m Sarah. Curt awkwardly shakes her hand. CURT Hello. Um, if you don’t mind me asking, who are you Sarah? SARAH I’m Sarah.
  • 37. 36. LINDY Yes, we got that. Why are you in our Van? TODD She wants to go to San Diego. She cool. She also has a really cool dog. JOHN Where did you come from? SARAH I just met Todd. TODD She just met me. Shes coming with us. CURT You weren’t going to discuss this with us? Shes a random stranger. No offense. LINDY Yeah, we don’t know if we can trust her. She might be the murdering kind of stranger. No offense. TODD Well, its my car. Curt, John, and Lindy look at each other. JOHN Don’t you have your own vehicle? SARAH I have a bike. TODD A bike. SARAH It has a basket. JOHN Do we even really have a say in this Todd? TODD Nope. Todd smiles a big grin.
  • 38. 37. JOHN Ok then. Welcome aboard hopefully non-murdering Sarah. Keep you hands and feet inside this ridiculous vehicle of fun at all times as we will approach warp speeds. John looks at Sarah. JOHN (CONT.) Also fair warning, if you dog pisses on my Daredevil Costume I’m kicking you out of the car, and I’m not even stopping. John begins to back the car up. INT. VAN - DAY The group drives down the road. Lindy looks at a map as they go. LINDY Should we stop somewhere cool along the way? JOHN Like a comic shop? TODD Or a record shop? CURT Or an Arcade? LINDY I was thinking more like an Ikea, or a giant ball of yarn. That’s a real thing right? JOHN Why would we stop at something like that? LINDY Because if a regular ball of yarn is fun then a giant ball of yarn would be at least twice the fun. JOHN No it’s not. Comics are fun, the BBC is fun. A new model with a
  • 39. 38. JOHN fresh exact o knife and bottle of glue is fun. LINDY It will broaden your horizons. JOHN That sounds dirty. LINDY I assure you, it is not. JOHN Fine than I for sure don’t want to do it. LINDY Fine. How about we do something I want to do, and then we do something that you guys want to do. CURT That sounds fair. JOHN Fine. Where first? LINDY Let’s stop at a national park. CURT Ok, but to get there on time we need to make sure we don’t slow down too much. JOHN No worries, for now, sit back, relax, and enjoy the ride. Nothing but Blue Skies ahead. EXT. HIGHWAY - DAY It is storming very hard as the van makes its way down the highway. The windshield wipers on the van are not working. LINDY Slow down. JOHN Why? These windshield wipers are obliviously doing what they are supposed to.
  • 40. 39. LINDY It’s not safe to drive so fast when it’s raining. JOHN Really? I heard it was better to drive as fast as humanly possible. TODD Yeah, do you think speed racer slowed down when it rained. Curt looks at John very seriously. CURT John. JOHN Curt. CURT John. JOHN Curt. CURT Slow down. JOHN Ok, fine. CURT I can hardly even see. Hey pull off at this exit, lets park and see if it slows up at all. John slows the car down and pulls off the highway and onto a side road where they park. The group sits quietly in the car. TODD Should we play a game to pass the time? CURT My 3DS is dead. SARAH Let’s play truth or dare.
  • 41. 40. LINDY Oh, I love that game. JOHN Mhh. LINDY Mhh? JOHN Mhh. TODD I want to play. SARAH You start. TODD Ok, someone ask me. SARAH Ok, Todd, truth or dare? TODD Truth. No wait, dare, no truth. Todd nods. TODD Truth. SARAH Have you ever been on a road trip before? TODD No, but I’ve read on the Road, and seen Kristen Stewart’s phoned in performance in the bastardized movie version. Have you? SARAH I remember once after I got my first Phd, to celebrate I hitch hiked to a Phish Concert. I took this little blue thing going around at the show and I don’t remember how I got home though. That was a great weekend. The group all listens and laughs awkwardly.
  • 42. 41. CURT You have a Phd? SARAH Two. Engineering and Physics. JOHN Wow, You’re definitely the smartest person in this car. SARAH Smarts are subjective. But I bet you didn’t think you would pick up a recipient of the Noble Peace Prize. TODD You have a Noble Peace Prize? SARAH No, that shit is really hard to get, but I was nominated once. CURT Wow, Im sorry I said you might be a murderer. JOHN Im sorry I made fun of your bike. SARAH You didn’t. JOHN Oh, I must have just thought that. TODD Ok. Who should I pick? Todd looks around the car. TODD John. JOHN Oh man. Ok. TODD Truth or dare? JOHN Dare, obviously. Why would I do truth, why would anyone pick truth
  • 43. 42. JOHN when they could do dare. (In a Eddie Murphy voice as Donkey from Shrek) I’m the dare master, I’ve mastered the dare. TODD Ok, I dare you to run outside in the rain. JOHN Piece of cake. TODD I’m not done. In your underwear. JOHN Are you serious? LINDY Ewe, I don’t want to see that. CURT Didn’t you just say that you are the dare master? JOHN I did indeed, and I intend to execute the dare to it’s full extend. LINDY Oh man, gross. JOHN Sorry ladies, a dare is a dare, prepare yourselves mentally. John stripes down to reveal that he is wearing superman underwear. The group laughs. SARAH Nice underwear. TODD Really dude, those are sweet. Where did you get those? JOHN Target, they were on sale.
  • 44. 43. TODD Awesome, I need to get me some of those. Are they comfortable? JOHN Yeah. TODD Cool, maybe sometime you could let me borrow them and take them for a spin? JOHN That’s probably not gonna happen. TODD I suppose your right, life is too short for quality testing, sometimes you have to live on the edge. CURT Truer words have never been spoken about buying underwear. LINDY Hey, are you gonna do this or what? JOHN I’m going. John climbs out of the car and runs around outside of the car in the rain and then climbs back into the car. JOHN Ok, now my turn. I pick Lindy. LINDY Truth. JOHN Ok, have you always been a tight wad? LINDY Yes, have you always been an ass? JOHN Yes. LINDY Now that that’s settled. I pick Curt.
  • 45. 44. CURT Uh, truth. JOHN Wuss. LINDY Ok, who are you more excited to have along on the trip, me or John? CURT I love you both equally. LINDY That’s a cop out of an answer. CURT Hey, Cop out is an underrated movie. JOHN No its not. The rain lets up. CURT Hey the rain has let up. Lets get moving again. We don’t want the gas to sit to long, it might evaporate or some other more believable reason why we should go, now. JOHN No, lets hear a real answer. Don’t pull a Bill Clinton on us. LINDY Yeah. Hilary Clinton deserves better, she is a powerhouse, not like Beyonce, but you get my point. CURT Fine, I’m most exited to have Sarah along, its nice to meet new people, even If I really don’t know anything about her and shes now traveling with us on one of the biggest events of my life. Lets get rolling. John puts his clothes back on.
  • 46. 45. JOHN Fine. I know its-- Lindy cuts of John. LINDY Me. Lindy smiles at John. Water drips from the ceiling onto Johns face. EXT. FOREST - DAY The groups van drives past a sign that read "Oaks National Park" and along a dirt road. They van is riding very rough and bumpy. INT. VAN - DAY They all look very uncomfortable with the bumpiness of the ride. CURT This vans shocks might be a little worn. TODD I like it. Its like a free massage. CURT Tell me that again when you are offically a bobblehead. EXT. FOREST - DAY The van parks on the side in the middle of a large forest. Curt, John, Todd, and Sarah climb out of the car. JOHN Wow, I have never seen trees like this. TODD I know right? But granted I’m also barely ever outside. SARAH You’ve never been out to a forest?
  • 47. 46. JOHN virtual forests. I will say the resolution out here is impressive. CURT Definitely a good stop. TODD Your right, and to celebrate getting this far I think its time for some -- illegal fireworks. CURT What? Todd does a little interpretive dance. TODD Boom, flash, bang. LINDY I don’t know. Those onomatopoeia’s are a little disconcerting. I vote more silent observation followed up by a discussion of the lack of environmental protection laws. CURT I agree, we’re in a forest. TODD What better place? Todd pulls fireworks out from behind his back. CURT Where did you get those? TODD I picked them up back at the truck stop, some punk kids sold them to me. JOHN What made them punks? TODD I don’t know, any kids under the age of 20 are just punks to me. JOHN Is that fair?
  • 48. 47. TODD I don’t know. Anyone under 20 is a punk, Anyone over 40 is old, anyone older than me but not old is just kind of there, and I’m a timeless instant classic. Like the movie Independence Day. Todd, John, and Sarah begin to set up a large bottle rocket to launch from the ground. Lindy explores the trees around the park. JOHN Curt are you going to help us with these bottle rockets or not? Curt looks over at Lindy. CURT Uh, probably not. Curt walks over to Lindy leaving John and Todd. JOHN Fine more for us. Curt taps Lindy on her left shoulder and tricks her by standing on her right side. She turns. CURT It’s really beautiful out here isn’t it? LINDY Yeah, It reminds me of Tarzan. Curt pounds his chest like a gorilla. LINDY Tarzan the Monkey Man swinging from a rubber band. CURT I have never heard that before. LINDY What? CURT I’ve never heard that before.
  • 49. 48. LINDY Where you ever a child? CURT Of course. LINDY That’s not possible. If you were you would have heard that. you must be a robot sent from the future to destroy us all. CURT You’re right, a robot that goes on a road trip with a bunch of geeks to comic con. LINDY Hey, that sounds like a good idea for a movie. CURT Who would watch a movie about geeks going to comic con? LINDY Lots of people, if there is a robot involved. Without a robot not so much but-- A green Jeep with a "Parks Ranger" logo pulls up next to their car. Everyone looks at the Jeep. PARK RANGER NED,(34), a skinny man in a green suit gets out of the vehicle. Park Ranger Ned walks over to Todd. PARK RANGER NED What’s going on here? Looks like more illegal fireworks than a Tijuana baby shower. TODD What? PARK RANGER NED You have a large amount of illegal fireworks. TODD Oh yeah, true. PARK RANGER NED I’m going to have to confiscate those.
  • 50. 49. TODD Oh, man, really? PARK RANGER NED Yes, I’m afraid those are fire hazards. TODD Man, why you got to be such a buzz kill. PARK RANGER NED Your lucky my partner Smokey the Bear isn’t here. TODD Oh what, would he have given me a stern talking to? PARK RANGER NED No, he would have mauled your face off. He’s a real bear. It happened last week. Really sad. Todd and John have looks of horror. JOHN Fuck man. PARK RANGER NED I’m just kidding with you. Todd and John relax a bit. PARK RANGER NED I’m not kidding with you. It was horrific. They couldn’t even identify the body. Todd and John stand still with fear. PARK RANGER NED Heck, that was a joke guys, lighten up. He just had to get 30 stitches. TODD Cool. PARK RANGER NED And I will need to take those fireworks.
  • 51. 50. TODD Man, this is so like the man, just like the Old man said. PARK RANGER NED Whose old man? TODD You wouldn’t understand. PARK RANGER NED Now hand over the fireworks. TODD That’s one option. Or I could light them instead. PARK RANGER NED Or not. TODD Or. Todd begins to light the Bottle rocket. PARK RANGER NED Don’t do it. TODD Ehhh. Todd acts like he is going to light it again and leans in towards the bottle rocket. PARK RANGER NED Don’t. TODD Eh. Todd acts like he is going to light it again. PARK RANGER NED Don’t. TODD Eh. Todd acts like he is going to light it again. PARK RANGER NED Ok, thats enough of this, I’m taking them.
  • 52. 51. Park Ranger Ned takes the fireworks. Sarah lights them while the Ranger is holding them. Park Ranger Ned throws them in the air and they launch in all directions. Everyone ducks and yells. PARK RANGER NED Damn it, why would you do that? SARAH I’m an engineer, I wanted to see what would happen. Sarah grins widely. JOHN Just relax man, you’re just a Park Ranger. PARK RANGER NED That’s it. I’m getting tired of your shenanigans. I’m a Park Ranger not a pansy boy scout master, I don’t have to take this. Park Ranger Ned is quite frustrated. He takes a step back and valiantly starts a speech. PARK RANGER NED My friends ask me why I wanted to be a Park Ranger. It not the glitz, glamor, or wild sex parties, no, its for the plants, the trees, the defenseless shrubbery. Park Ranger Ned takes off his hat and holds it on his chest and looks off into the distance bravely. PARK RANGER NED My father always wanted me to be a gynecologist but I said no, staring at vaginas all day isn’t the life for me. Now I’m surrounded by massive wood and its glorious. A young man out to save the world one prevented forest fire and informed upper middle class white vacationing family at a time. Park Ranger squints his eyes and talks in a very soft and scary sounding voice.
  • 53. 52. PARK RANGER NED Sure, I’ve had to do some bad things to protect the forest, terrible things, things only my therapist knows, but I would do it again. I’d do it all again. Park Ranger Ned, walks over to a tree and leans on it seductively. PARK RANGER NED Some people have called me crazy. Is it crazy to name the trees and act out peoples court with them? I don’t thinks so. Ive been called tree huger, even tree lover, but I swear Ive only made love to a tree once and it was consensual. Park Ranger Ned walks back over to the group. PARK RANGER NED I vowed I would be the best Park Ranger that anyone had ever seen. So you make fun of me but you don’t make fun of the Park Ranger Badge. This is my Forest. CURT Wow, I did not expect that. TODD Good job. That was almost better than the Samuel L Jackson Monologue from Pulp Fiction. JOHN Are you high Todd? That monologue is untouchable. CURT It’s a little overdone. JOHN What? CURT It’s over quoted. JOHN Thats not even possible.
  • 54. 53. PARK RANGER NED Are you really debating this right now? They begin to argue but are stopped by a loud growling from the woods. They all turn to look as a Black Bear comes out of the woods at them. PARK RANGER NED Cheese it, its Smokey. CURT Oh shit. TODD Wow. Todd starts to walk towards it. JOHN Todd, back up man. TODD He looks hungry. Todd pulls a Slim Jim out of his pocket and walks toward the bear and offers it too him. TODD Would you like a Slim Jim Mr.Bear? The bear swings a paw at Todd. They all yell and run towards the van and hop in. INT. VAN - DAY The gang jumps into the van as Park Ranger Ned is being chased by a bear. John attempts to start the van and it begins to smoke and not start. After many attempts it starts. The tires start to spin in the mud from the rain but finally gain traction and they drive away. TODD Fuck, should we go back? The gang looks out the back window of the van and see Park Ranger Ned squaring off and beginning a fist fight with the bear. PARK RANGER NED Clever Boy.
  • 55. 54. CURT Probably. Park Ranger Ned turns to look at them. PARK RANGER NED No, go. JOHN Ok, don’t have to tell me twice. They drive away as Park Ranger Ned pulls out nun chucks and begins to fight the bear. TODD Shit, that did look a lot like Smokey the Bear, and he was pissed. LINDY Why did you have to do that Todd? TODD It seemed like a good idea at the time. CURT Well we’re alive, that’s all that matters. JOHN Plus, Smokey the bear, that was our first celebrity siting of the trip. The van pulls onto the main road again. EXT. CAMPSITE - DAY The gang drives up to a campsite in the the van. The gang gets out of the van. JOHN Oh, it’s good to get out of the van. TODD I thought that was a perfectly pleasant ride. CURT You slept most of the way here.
  • 56. 55. JOHN Which was a dumb move, its already late, you’re never going to fall asleep now. You’re like a baby. A adult, early balding, pot smoking baby-- God, you’re a terrifying baby. TODD That’s fine. We are out here under the stars. LINDY Unfortunately. CURT Hey, we all agreed that staying one night at a camp ground along the way would save us some money for the con. LINDY Yeah, I just don’t like sleeping in the same place as Todd. TODD Hey, I only sometimes sleepwalk, and one sleepy run in with an electric can opener isn’t going to change the fact that I sleep in the nude. JOHN Lord that is a disturbing image. TODD Whatever. Just zip your tents closed. LINDY You’re right. Just you and me Curt. Lindy pokes Curt in the shoulder. John is digging through the van. JOHN Curt, did we get both of the tents? CURT Yeah, one for you and Todd and one for me and Lindy.
  • 57. 56. JOHN I’m only seeing one. CURT What? No? JOHN There is only one here. Mine and Todd’s. Curt walks over to the van and also looks through it. CURT Shit, did I not pack it? Lindy walks over to the van and also begins to look through it. LINDY What? CURT I must have forgotten our tent. LINDY Oh No. What are we gonna do? Curt turns to look at John. Curt smiles at John. JOHN No, that’s not happening. You are not taking my tent. Curt smiles at John. JOHN Nope. CURT Fine, How about-- CUT TO: INT. TENT - LATER THAT NIGHT Curt, Lindy, and John all lie inside of the same tent. JOHN I can’t believe this is happening right now.
  • 58. 57. LINDY I know. JOHN At least Todd and Sarah were fine with staying outside and not jam packing in here. LINDY Yeah. CURT I don’t know, I think this is kind of nice. LINDY How so? CURT The three of us, together, camping out under the stars. JOHN While Todd and Sarah make out or talk about dogs or do whatever the hell they are doing together outside. CURT I might even say it is kind of romantic. JOHN Curt that is my thigh you are caressing right now. CURT Shit, don’t get used to it, John. Curt moves his hand. JOHN I can tell you one thing, you are not getting any tonight, no matter how cute you look in the moonlight. CURT I do look cute. John flips over in a sleeping bag.
  • 59. 58. LINDY This is pretty great I guess. All of us together. JOHN Hopefully it doesn’t rain anymore. CURT Don’t even say that. It starts to rain. CURT You had to say it didn’t you. Todd and Sarah run into the tent. JOHN Oh come on. CURT Hey. Todd and Sarah lay down next to Curt, Lindy, and John. TODD Hey. SARAH Hello. LINDY What are you guys doing in here? TODD Its raining out there, were not going to stay out in the rain. I’m not a stray dog. JOHN You look and smell like one. TODD That hurts John, it really does. Todd looks at John very intensely. TODD On the inside. CURT Todd you are getting me all wet.
  • 60. 59. SARAH Heyo. CURT That’s very mature Sarah. Good job with that one. SARAH Thank you. It rains harder outside. LINDY Did we make sure the van was closed up good? CURT I think so. JOHN It doesn’t seem like its letting up. CURT Well. TODD Well? LINDY Are we all going to stay in here? TODD I’m content. CURT You’re also naked. TODD True. LINDY Uhh. CURT Well, at least we will have a good story-- that we never tell anyone.
  • 61. 60. EXT. CAMPSITE - NIGHT The Van has a back window that is open and letting rain in. A raccoon climbs in the window. EXT. CAMPSITE - NEXT MORNING The group looks at the vans open window and the wet seats inside. The group loads up their van and packs up there camping gear. CURT Ok, so tomorrow is Comic Con. We should get to San Diego late tonight. John is your cousin ready for us to arrive? John is using the bathroom on a tree nearby. He turns his head to look at Curt. JOHN What? CURT Are we good to stay with your cousin tonight? JOHN Oh yeah, about that, I need to make a call. CURT What? JOHN Its in the process of being good to go. CURT Are you serious? JOHN Possibly. Maybe, probably, yes. CURT I thought this was all worked out already. JOHN In theory it is.
  • 62. 61. CURT But reality? JOHN Less than 100%. Curt frowns at John. JOHN But hey, Ill make a call, it should all be fine. LINDY And if it’s not? JOHN We find another place to stay, we can get a cheap motel. TODD Awesome, can we get one with a pool? JOHN Sure. CURT No. LINDY We didn’t budget that. CURT We are not getting a motel with a pool. JOHN Fine, a small Jacuzzi. TODD I want to go swimming. CURT No. JOHN Fine, Todd you can just swim in the bath tub. TODD I can’t use my inflatable raft in the bathtub.
  • 63. 62. LINDY Todd is not swimming in our bath tub. JOHN Sure he can. CURT No body is swimming in a bath tub. There will be no bath tub. we didn’t plan the money to stay in a motel tonight. Also, Todd, how dare you hold out on us about that inflatable raft. JOHN Just let me go call my Mom. CURT Yes, please. John walks away from the group and pulls out a cell phone and types in a few numbers. The phone rings. INT. JOHN’S PARENTS HOUSE LIVING ROOM - DAY John’s Mom answers the phone while she sits a couch in the living room. JOHNS MOM Hello. INTERCUT --Phone Conversation JOHN Hey mom. JOHNS MOM John, whats wrong, aren’t you on your trip? JOHN Yeah. JOHNS MOM Are you brushing your teeth? JOHN I just forgot something.
  • 64. 63. JOHNS MOM Its not your toothbrush is it? JOHN No. So we have a cousin that lives out in San Diego right? JOHNS MOM We did. JOHN Did? JOHNS MOM He died last month. JOHN What? JOHNS MOM Fell down the stairs. JOHN Fell down the stairs? JOHNS MOM Yeah, and then got up and choked on a carrot at diner later that night. Really Sad. JOHN How did I not know he died? JOHNS MOM You went to his funeral. JOHN Shit, that was that cousin? JOHNS MOM Are you ok? JOHN For now, but I might be beaten to death by a bunch of comic geeks in the near future. JOHNS MOM Tell them to play nice. JOHN Yeah, Mom. Ill talk to you later, hopefully.
  • 65. 64. John hangs up the phone. John takes a few deep breaths and tries to calm himself. He walks over to the group again. JOHN Hey guys. CURT Whats the news? LINDY Are we good to go? JOHN Not exactly. LINDY Whats wrong? JOHN My cousin is dead. CURT Dead as in tired? Dead as in on tour with The Dead? Dead as in dead serious about saving us money on our trip? JOHN More the not living kind of dead. TODD Dang, I was hoping the second one. JOHN Indeed. SARAH I’m sorry. CURT Wait, so what does that mean for us? LINDY Yeah? JOHN Uhh? CURT Do you have a plan?
  • 66. 65. JOHN Besides staying in a motel? TODD I’m still okay with that plan. CURT Besides that. John looks out into the distance and thinks for a moment. CURT John. JOHN Give me a second, I’m thinking. CURT Well think faster, we need to know where we are driving today. JOHN I know, I’m working on it. TODD We could sleep in the car. CURT I’m not sleeping with you again Todd, one naked night with you is more than enough. JOHN I even agree with him on that one. LINDY Let just do something. John thinks for a moment. JOHN Ok, Ill figure it out. INT. VAN - LATER THAT DAY The gang rides in the car. They all look very tired and worn out. TODD How much farther?
  • 67. 66. CURT To where? TODD To where we are going. Curt looks at John. CURT Where are we going? JOHN To San Diego. CURT And what is our plan once we get there? JOHN What do you mean? CURT What are we doing? JOHN We are going to Comic Con. CURT Well no shit, what are we doing with our spare time, where are we staying tonight. JOHN We will make it up as we go along. CURT No, I’m not okay with that. JOHN Well, I don’t care. CURT We need a plan. TODD I agree with John, I say lets wing it. CURT We should make a plan.
  • 68. 67. JOHN How about this, we get there and we just have fun and live our lives. Sarah is looking out the window at a dog in a car going down the highway next to them. she smiles and waves at the dog. CURT We are constantly living our lives, if we weren’t then we would be dead. TODD That’s true. SARAH It is, I heard it in a documentary once. JOHN Well either way, We have been winging it so far to a degree and it has turned out great. CURT I beg to differ. JOHN No one likes a beggar. CURT No one likes your attitude. JOHN Oh really, that’s what people think? Lindy, Todd? John turns his head to look at everyone. JOHN What about you, Sarah? SARAH What? JOHN Do you like me? SARAH I like everyone.
  • 69. 68. JOHN Of course you do. Is there anything you don’t like? SARAH I guess war, famine, oh and the fact that my collection of Disney movies on VHS is out of date. LINDY I know right. JOHN Whatever, we are on our way and will soon be in the sunny city of San Diego, or as I like to call it-- Well I’ve only called it San Diego. They see a sign up ahead reading "You are now entering San Diego". There is a load honking as the Ecto-1 car full of the rival nerds zooms by their van. The Ecto-1 has text written on the windows reading "Comic Con is For Winners". Jim, Kirk, Mindy, and Tom Flip off the van and laugh. John rolls down the window and yells at the Ecto-1. JOHN Your mother was a hamster! John, Curt, Lindy, Todd, and Sarah laugh. There is suddenly a loud pop and bump in the Van as the Van gets a flat tire. JOHN Shit. The van swerves as John tries to hit the breaks and the van doesn’t stop. He pumps the breaks many times before pulling off on the side of the road and hitting the vans mirror against the "You are now entering San Diego" sign and breaking it off. JOHN Well, that could have been worse. The raccoon that climbed into their van now jumps out and attacks John.
  • 70. 69. EXT. SAN DIEGO ROAD - DAY The gang drives in the van that has a ridiculously small replacement tire on it now and a mirror missing. They are driving around downtown San Diego. There are signs that are welcoming geeks and nerds to San Diego. Sarah’s dog sticks his head out of the window with its tongue out and so does Todd. INT. VAN - DAY The gang drives in the van. They all have huge smiles on there faces. John has a bacon shaped band-aid on his neck. JOHN I cant believe we are finally here. CURT We have been waiting for this our whole lives. JOHN I can’t tell you how many dreams I’ve had about this-- and also about me and Sonic winning the World Series. TODD We should find a comic shop here. JOHN Why would we do that? That’s like going to the worlds best hot dog establishment and then buying a hot dog at a stand outside of it. LINDY Lets find a bar or something? CURT Or better yet, lets find a place to stay for the night. John, do you want to take initiative on that since your the one that screwed us over in the first place? JOHN Of course, Curt, I will take initiative so that you ease up off my back about it.
  • 71. 70. TODD I like that John messed us up, it forces us into more adventure. CURT You say that now Todd. TODD I’m pretty sure I’m always going to say that. Like Christopher Columbus or any other famous old white explorers, I like a challenge and a reason to see new lands. JOHN Nude lands. TODD New lands. JOHN No, I’m saying Nude Lands, There. The gang drives by a strip club called Nude Lands. TODD Oh awesome, Land Ho! JOHN They like to be called ladies of the night, Todd. LINDY That is not even remotely close. JOHN Oh so now you know more about strippers than I do, Lindy? LINDY That’s not what I was saying. JOHN There is no one that has studied the fine art of erotic dancing more than I. TODD Danco Erotico. The gang looks at Todd.
  • 72. 71. TODD Spanish. They all look at Todd in confusion. Sarah puts her hand on Todd Shoulder. SARAH No. JOHN Should we stop? CURT No. LINDY No. TODD Yes. JOHN I vote yes. Sarah? SARAH Why not? The physics those women display is really something. JOHN All right, Nude Lands it is. John makes a U turn to turn back to the strip club. INT. NUDE LANDS - DAY The gang makes their way into the strip club. There are patrons of the club all over the place. There is a salad bar and an alcohol bar all built around a series of platforms and stripper poles. There are a number of STRIPPERS dancing on poles. TODD Alright, ladies and gentlemen, explore, have a good time. But as explorers we have a certain responsibility to make sure that we progress with caution and a plan. Don’t fall in love with the natives, don’t eat the local cuisine.
  • 73. 72. JOHN Was that supposed to sounds slightly disturbing? TODD Better people than us have been lost to the wild world of pleasure, bright lights, and sticky floors. LINDY This is disgusting. Curt is now watching a girl dance that has a storm trooper helmet on. Curt watches the girl dance and swing a plastic light saber. CURT Oh yeah, its-- Its pretty-- pretty, bad. LINDY Curt you suck. CURT Yeah I know. Todd walks over to the stripper with the Storm Trooper helmet. TODD Hey. STRIPPER Whats up, baby? TODD Do you like Star Wars? STRIPPER I like whatever you like. TODD Whats your favorite Star Wars movie? STRIPPER The first one. TODD The first of the original trilogy? Or episode one?
  • 74. 73. STRIPPER Both. TODD Both? You can’t like both, that’s like liking the Red Socks and the White Socks. STRIPPER What? TODD Those are sports teams I believe. STRIPPER That doesn’t make sense. John walks over. JOHN Todd what are you saying to this nice lady? TODD She is an anomaly. JOHN I’m pretty sure that is you Todd. TODD She likes both the Phantom menace and new hope equally. JOHN That’s impossible. STRIPPER I like both. JOHN Well then your movie taste is as bad and uncertain as your dancing. STRIPPER What? JOHN What kind of dance is that? The stripper looks at John with Confusion.
  • 75. 74. JOHN It that the slow walk, the spread eagle, the boob smoosh? STRIPPER The boob Smoosh? JOHN Its a basic erotic dance move. Todd here could do it. John gestures to Todd. TODD I could do it? JOHN I’m sure you could do it. TODD ok, I’ll do it. Todd hops up on the runway and starts dancing on a pole. He does a variety of seductive dances and people in the club and OTHER STRIPPERS watch him. Lindy, Curt, and Sarah come over to him. STRIPPER Hey, you can’t be up here. LINDY Todd, get down from there. Todd swings around the poll. TODD Im graceful, I’m free, I’m-- A BOUNCER rushes over to Todd and tackles him. Curt, Lindy, John, and Sarah watch. CUT TO: INT. STRIP CLUB BACK ROOM - DAY The group sits in the backroom of a very dirty looking room. There are bras and skimpy lacy looking outfits sitting all over the place. There is a dented metal table and a few filing cabinets. The Bouncer walks around the room.
  • 76. 75. BOUNCER What were you guys thinking? TODD It was fun? JOHN Good work out? LINDY I have no control over these people. BOUNCER I’m keeping you here until the police come. The Bouncer shakes his head and walks away. LINDY Good Job, John. JOHN What did I do? LINDY You told Todd to go up there. JOHN So what, Todd is an adult, he didn’t have to do it. LINDY Fine, good job, Todd. TODD Thanks. LINDY You should have known that Todd would do whatever you said. JOHN He’s not a dog. LINDY He might as well be. JOHN That’s really rude.
  • 77. 76. LINDY You’re really rude. That stripper was just doing her job to attract nerds and make a profit off of a large event in her town, and you guys had to be bullies. A male POLICE OFFICER comes into the back room and the gang gets very quiet. POLICE OFFICER Hello. JOHN Hello. POLICE OFFICER Do you all know why you are here? LINDY Because this guy is stupid. Lindy points at Todd. TODD Hey. LINDY I swear, I didn’t do anything. It was all them. JOHN Jeez Lindy, way to just rat us out. POLICE OFFICER It was all him, huh? LINDY Yeah, I swear. POLICE OFFICER Ok then. Prepare for your punishment. The police officer rips of his pants to reveal that he is wearing a black pair of very tight briefs. He begins to do a strip tease to the gang. Everyone looks terrified except for Todd who begins to bob his head in rhythm with the dancer. JOHN What the hell?
  • 78. 77. CURT Is this some kind of joke? POLICE OFFICER I’m the Punisher. TODD The Punisher does not wear that. CURT He also murders people with assault rifles. POLICE OFFICER Fine, I’m just your stereotypical policeman, with buns of steel, who wears his heart on his sleeve, and is gonna pump you all full of led. JOHN Wait, so are we actually arrested? POLICE OFFICER Arrested with love. The stripper starts to shake his hips very aggressively. JOHN But not for real? POLICE OFFICER I’m just paid to dance, but I do have handcuffs. JOHN Ok, Im out of here. CURT Yeah, same here. LINDY This is disgusting. They all start to get up and leave. TODD Keep up the good work, Uh? POLICE OFFICER Steely Steve.
  • 79. 78. TODD Alright. Todd tucks a one dollar bill into the strippers briefs. The gang leaves the room. EXT. NUDE LANDS - DAY The gang walks out of the strip club. On the sidewalk they look about the street as people and cars go by. CURT Well what now? JOHN I don’t know. LINDY Of course you don’t. JOHN Lets just find the van. CURT Didn’t you park it right out front? JOHN Yeah, where is it? TODD I remember, it was right next to that No Parking sign. JOHN What? Todd why didn’t you tell me that? TODD What? JOHN The fact that I was parking in a place that would get the van towed. TODD Didn’t cross my mind at the time. JOHN Next time, you should maybe say something.
  • 80. 79. TODD I’ll make a mental note of it. CURT Once again, great job John. JOHN Its not my fault the van was towed. CURT How is it not your fault? You are the one that made us stop at this god damned strip club. JOHN Hey we voted on it. TODD I had fun. LINDY Sure. TODD I did. I also got tackled. Overall I’d say it was a 7 out of 10. Jim, Kirk, Mindy, and Tom come walking down the sidewalk all eating ice cream cones. JIM And you father smelt of elderberries. JOHN Damn it, I was gonna say that. KIRK Can’t find your van? CURT We had parked it right here. KIRK It appears it was towed. CURT How would you know that? KIRK It says no parking. Kirk points at the sign.
  • 81. 80. KIRK Also I called the tow truck. CURT What, why? JIM Your friend here stole something of mine. A limited addition antenna ball from Burger Shack. CURT Who? JIM That guy. We saw him. Jim points at John. CURT John? JIM We don’t need to know his name, we are the alpha group here. LINDY Alpha group? JIM Yes, now politely suck it. The rival nerds start to walk away. JIM We’re off to the San Diego Zoo. They just got a new penguin and it is cute as shit. John, Curt, Todd, Lindy, and Sarah watch them walk away. EXT. SAN DIEGO ROAD - DAY The gang once again is driving down the streets of San Diego looking at people all round wearing nerdy gear. They all look tired and irritated.
  • 82. 81. INT. VAN - DAY John drives the squealing van. JOHN I can’t believe we had to pay $200 to get the car back. Also sleeping in the van was not as fun as the tent. Everyone looks grumpy. Todd is wearing a shirt that reads "My Van was impounded and all I got was this lousy T-Shirt". EXT. COMIC CON - DAY The gang pulls the van up outside of a large convention center. There are cars and people everywhere. People are wearing costumes, and carrying nerdy props and memorabilia. INT. VAN - DAY The gang looks at people and they pull into a very long line of cars. JOHN Holy cow, this is nuts. CURT Parking is going to take forever. Sarah points out the window. SARAH Superman. TODD Spiderman. SARAH Wonder Woman. CURT Batman. Lindy points at another person. LINDY That’s deadpool. You are gonna see about a million of those guys.
  • 83. 82. JOHN And Doctor Whos. TODD And Sailor Moons. LINDY Harley Quinn. TODD Nightwing. CURT Halo Spartan. LINDY Ms. Marvel. JOHN Spock. TODD Steam Punk gent. JOHN Those assholes that wear a superman shirt under a suit jacket and think there clever being Clark Kent. TODD Those people. CURT Looks like I’m changing my costume. JOHN Soon People will be dressing up as Couch-man. EXT. CONVENTION PARKING LOT - DAY The van drives around and fails to find a parking spot. They find one but it is too small and they fail to parallel park and bump into another car and then quickly drive away. EXT. CONVENTION CENTER - DAY The gang walks up to a long line of people in costumes outside of the convention center. John is wearing a Daredevil Costume, Curt is wearing a Scott Pilgrim Costume, Todd is wearing a Street Fighter Suit, Sarah is still in her
  • 84. 83. ordinary cloths and Lindy is wearing an Adventure Time Fiona Costume. John looks at Curt. JOHN Alright, Curt, you got the tickets? CURT Yep, I handed them to Lindy. LINDY No, you didn’t. CURT Yeah, I did. LINDY No, you did not. CURT I’m pretty sure I did? LINDY Well, I don’t have them. CURT What do you mean you don’t have them? LINDY They are not in my possession, I do not have ownership of them. JOHN What? TODD What does this mean? CURT Nothing, she has to have them, I don’t have them. JOHN Who has the damn tickets? LINDY I don’t know. JOHN Do we not have the tickets?
  • 85. 84. CURT That would be fitting. No place to stay and no tickets to get into the place. JOHN Wow. This is just great. First Lindy comes with us and now she loses our tickets. LINDY Hey, that’s not fair. JOHN How is it not fair? If there was ever a fairer time to be pissed it hasn’t happened yet. LINDY I should be pissed at you, you have been mean to me the entire trip for no reason and you left us stranded. JOHN I actually took care of our sleeping situation for the rest of the trip. TODD Really? JOHN Yes, remember that bouncer that called the police on us? TODD Yeah. JOHN Well that has nothing to do with this story. I called my mom and begged her to give me some money. CURT That worked? JOHN I promised I would move out. Also I might have cried a little bit. TODD Wow. John points at Curt.
  • 86. 85. JOHN Yeah, This was our trip. Ours! And now the whole trip is messed up because of Lindy, who you brought. LINDY Hey, Curt got us the tickets in the first place because of his promotion. JOHN What? CURT Lindy! LINDY Curt still hasn’t told you? John turns from Lindy to Curt. JOHN You got the promotion and you didn’t tell me? CURT I didn’t know how to tell you. JOHN Tell me that you are going to be my boss? Did you invite me out of pity? CURT What? No, your are my best friend. No offense Todd. Todd looks at Curt. TODD Non-taken. JOHN Are we best friends Curt? Because it seems like you have chosen Lindy. CURT Its not like that man. JOHN No, that is exactly what its like. You have taken her side on everything on this trip.
  • 87. 86. CURT That’s not true. Have you thought about how you keep making me choose sides? Both of you. Curt looks at Lindy. JOHN Seems like it hasn’t been that hard for you. CURT John. JOHN What, Curt? You gonna tell me to be quiet, to get over it? Huh? this is the end of the road Curt. We came here for this stupid convention as best friends, supposedly, and now we don’t get to go in. TODD We will get in somehow. JOHN How Todd? TODD I’ll find a way. Todd wanders away from the group. JOHN Where is he going? SARAH I’ll go find out. Sarah chases after Todd. People watch in confusion. JOHN I’m going for a walk. John starts to walk away. JOHN This was our trip, Curt. John pulls the signed note vowing to go to SDCC out of his pocket and crumples it into his fist and walks away angrily.
  • 88. 87. LINDY Are you going after him? CURT I’ll give him some space. EXT. CITY BLOCKS AROUND THE CONVENTION CENTER - DAY John walks down the sidewalk and kicks a can that is on the ground. There are people in costumes everywhere. He sits down on the curb and stares off into the distance by himself. A STAN LEE LOOKALIKE walks up to him. STAN LEE LOOK-ALIKE What’s the matter true believer? JOHN Is that you Stan Lee? STAN LEE LOOK-ALIKE You bet. I’m the famous creator of Spider man and many other classic favorites. JOHN Really? STAN LEE LOOK-ALIKE Would Stan the Man lie? JOHN I guess not. STAN LEE LOOK-ALIKE Why don’t you tell me, Stan Lee, what’s the matter? JOHN Ok, Stan Lee. I’ll tell you, Stan Lee, what the problem is. Ok, here we go, Stan Lee. Stan Lee look-alike nods as he listens to John. JOHN You see Stan Lee, me and my buddy Curt, we have been best friends for a really long time and we always wanted to come to comic con.
  • 89. 88. STAN LEE LOOK-ALIKE To meet me, Stan Lee, the man who created Robert Downey Jr? JOHN Don’t you mean created Iron Man? STAN LEE LOOK-ALIKE Yeah... that’s what I meant, everything is normal here... Stan Lee looks alike shifts his eyes nervously. JOHN Anyway, there is something about the magic of young and old from all over the world sweating in too tight spandex as they hunt through long boxes for the perfect copy of an old brightly colored piece of history. STAN LEE LOOK-ALIKE That sounds wonderful. You should look for some Fantastic Four, I , Stan Lee, created them. Along with Jack Kirby I suppose, but mostly me. JOHN It was wonderful, but then he met a girl named Lindy, who he really likes. STAN LEE LOOK-ALIKE Good for him, I love young people in love. JOHN Yeah, its great and all, just she gets in the way. STAN LEE LOOK-ALIKE Oh no. JOHN Yeah, ever since she came along I just feel like we have been growing apart. STAN LEE LOOK-ALIKE I’ve seen this happen before. Same old story. When you’ve made as many
  • 90. 89. STAN LEE LOOK-ALIKE movie cameos as me you start to pick up on cliches. JOHN Yeah, I would assume so. Whats your favorite one? STAN LEE LOOK-ALIKE I like them all. JOHN Really? STAN LEE LOOK-ALIKE Of course not, but I need the money. JOHN That’s fair. What should I do Stan Lee? STAN LEE LOOK-ALIKE Well I, Stan Lee, think that you need to go talk with your friend. This reminds me of Mall Rats, or maybe The Simpsons, or my time on the Big Bang Theory. I don’t remember. But I know that in other movies I’ve seen it gets figured out when you realize that its okay that your drifting apart and realize that you will always be friends and nothing can change the times you have had together in the past. JOHN Wow, that’s deep Stan Lee. STAN LEE LOOK-ALIKE I know it is. JOHN Do you think that will work? STAN LEE LOOK-ALIKE It seems to work for Hollywood, and it works for me. Even when a scene seems to grow more and more ridiculous, you just have to believe in me, Stan Lee. Stan Lee Look-alike stares off into the distance.
  • 91. 90. STAN LEE LOOK-ALIKE Stan Lee. John looks confused at Stan Lee Look-alike. JOHN Yeah of course. STAN LEE LOOK-ALIKE Anyway, I need to get going. I’ve got to go sign some comics that I wrote. JOHN Yeah, Ok Stan Lee. It was nice talking. STAN LEE LOOK-ALIKE Yeah same here, John. Stan Lee Look-alike walks away. JOHN Wow, how did he know my name? EXT. CONVENTION CENTER - DAY Todd walks down the street along side many other people wearing costumes. He is looking around for a way to sneak into the convention center. Todd Sees a SCALPER that is dressed as Waldo. SCALPER Tickets here. TODD Tickets? SCALPER Tickets. The scalper nods his head. TODD How do I know they are real? SCALPER Would I dress as Waldo just to trick you? Does that sound like something a sane person does? The Scalper laughs anxiously to himself.
  • 92. 91. TODD No, that does sound pretty insane. I guess I will just have to take your word for it Waldo. How much? SCALPER 200 bucks a ticket. TODD That’s pretty steep. SCALPER A small price to pay for 4 days of bliss in a giant concrete convention center filled with your beloved characters. TODD What if I don’t have the cash? SCALPER Then you don’t have the tickets. TODD What If I inform the authorities? SCALPER Well that wouldn’t be very nice. TODD Exactly. Maybe you give me the tickets and we go our separate ways. SCALPER Maybe I tell the police that you were in the middle of buying a ticket and that this is just a cover up. TODD Ok, lets see about this. Todd pulls out his phone and types a few numbers. He puts the phone up to his ear. TODD Hello, I’d like to report a crime. CUT TO:
  • 93. 92. EXT. CONVENTION CENTER - DAY Todd stands outside the convention center standing next to the scalper. Steely Steve from the Strip club shows up and walks towards Todd and the scalper still dressed as a police officer. POLICE OFFICER I heard there was a crime that was needing to be punished? TODD Indeed there is. A most heinous crime. POLICE OFFICER Who did it? TODD It was that man there. Todd points at the scalper. POLICE OFFICER You are under arrest. SCALPER For what? POLICE OFFICER Breaking the law, and my heart. The police officer pulls a boom box from out of frame and presses play. You Give Love a Bad Name by Bon Jovi starts playing. The Police officer rips off his pants and starts doing a similar dance to the one that he did earlier in the club. SCALPER What the hell? The scalper looks disgusted and confused. SCALPER What is this? TODD The modern day Punisher. SCALPER The he doesn’t look anything like the Punisher.
  • 94. 93. TODD But he does wear a lot of tight black spandex. The scalper struggles as the the police officer continues to do his stripe tease. SCALPER Alright, Alright. Here. The Scalper hands Todd a ticket. TODD Nah, uh. I meed 5 tickets. SCALPER Five? Are you crazy? The scalper tries to get away from the police officer and his dance but fails. TODD Five. SCALPER Fine, Five tickets, just get this guy off of me. Todd looks at the police officer. TODD Alright that’s enough Steely Steve. You’ve done good my friend. Todd tucks another bill into his briefs. EXT. CONVENTION CENTER - DAY Curt and Lindy sit outside of the convention center on the curb watching as nerds, geeks, and fan boys and girls go by in and out of the center. CURT Man, this sucks. LINDY I swear I don’t know what happen to the tickets. CURT I know you don’t.
  • 95. 94. LINDY Also I really didn’t mean to tell John about your promotion like that, he just keeps pushing me. Curt looks away from Lindy. CURT I don’t blame you. LINDY It doesn’t sound like you don’t blame me. CURT What do you want me to say? This was supposed to be the one of the best moments of my life. LINDY Even better then the day you met me? Curt stares at the ground for a moment. LINDY I was kidding, but nice to know where we stand. CURT What do you mean? LINDY What? CURT Where we stand? LINDY Well jee, I don’t know Curt, maybe that I’ve been dropping hints at you the whole trip that I might like you. CURT Really? Curt sits up very straight and aware. CURT Like-- Like like?
  • 96. 95. LINDY Wow, like like? Lets not get carried away here. CURT Oh. Curt looks away. LINDY Dang dude, I was joking, yes, like like. Wow, you’re all over the place today. CURT I’m sorry, This whole trip is just been stressful. LINDY You and John have been going at it like crazy. CURT Yea I’m sorry about that, I’m sure he hasn’t won you over like I said he would. LINDY Hey, its okay, I get it, you’re best friends, and no offense but it seems like girls don’t come around much in your group, its uncharted territory for you guys, he probably feels like I am replacing him. Also Ill admit I might have also poked the bear a bit there. CURT Yeah, I guess I could see him feeling that way. I just want to have both of you be friends. Thanks for understanding. LINDY No problem, but if you don’t tell me right now that you like like me back then Im gonna whack you with this sword. Lindy Waves a plastic sword around.
  • 97. 96. CURT What, oh yeah, definitely, I like like you, I’ve like liked you for an embarrassingly long time. Lindy tilts her head cutely and blinks seductively. LINDY Oh shucks. They sit and look at eachother. CURT what now? LINDY Fine, I’ll do all the work you dork. Lindy leans in and kisses Curt. LINDY Now, If we really want to get into this convention, then lets do it. CURT How? Suddenly there is a large gust of wind and Curt and Lindy look to see a silhouetted figure. It is revealed as Todd who is posed very heroically. TODD I have the solution, and it is colored paper with colored ink forming words and images that represent a voucher like pass into the convention. CURT What? Todd slacks and poses normally. TODD Tickets, I got us tickets. LINDY You got us tickets? CURT How? Todd poses very heroically again.
  • 98. 97. TODD I may or may not have gotten in contact with a recent acquaintance that fights for justice through the use of skin tight undergarments and 80s dance moves. CURT What? Todd again loosens up and stands normally. TODD I got in contact with Steely Steve. CURT Oh, ok. LINDY Why can’t you say things normally? TODD Life is no fun that way. Where is John? CURT I don’t know. LINDY We should go find him. CURT Yeah, lets go find my stubborn best friend. Todd poses very heroically again. TODD We shall find our good friend that has lost his way in the rough world and -- Lindy and Curt stare at Todd. Todd again loosens up and stands normally. TODD (CONT.) Lets go finds john. The gang gets up and walks away from the sidewalk.
  • 99. 98. EXT. CITY BLOCKS AROUND THE CONVENTION CENTER - DAY Curt, Lindy, and Todd walk down the sidewalk and find John Sitting wearing a pair of khaki pants, a white dress shirt, striped tie, and dress shoes. CURT John. JOHN Curt. CURT What are you doing? JOHN I’m changing, Curt. CURT What do you mean, your changing? JOHN It’s time to grow up right? John looks out into the distance very seriously. JOHN We are all grown ups now -- TODD I’m not. LINDY We all know that Todd. CURT What are you talking about, John? JOHN I’m both changing literally and figuratively, or metaphorically. Its symbolism. The classic suit and tie. I don’t know if you get it? CURT I got it. JOHN Did you? It’s a change from the comic outfit.
  • 100. 99. CURT Yeah, I definitely get it. TODD I get it. JOHN Ok, cool. CURT What does this mean? JOHN Its time to stop being goofy and get a real job. I think I’ll become an accountant, or maybe an anesthesiologist. You don’t need to go to school for those right? CURT What brought this on? JOHN Me and Stan Lee had a heart to heart. CURT Stan Lee? JOHN Yes. Stan Lee taught me that its fine to change and that we all do, but that isn’t bad. Also that Stan Lee likes to say his own name a lot. CURT Are you sure about this? JOHN Pretty sure. I’m throwing out the old life and moving on, I’m gonna be a pansy like you and wear collared shirts. I think that losing the tickets was the sign that I needed. CURT What if we said that we managed to get more tickets?
  • 101. 100. JOHN What? Curt points at Todd who reveals 5 tickets. JOHN Oh, Man. John rips off the entire office suit in one motion and reveals that he is still wearing the Daredevil costume under those cloths. CURT Alright, that’s what I’m talking about. JOHN Lets do this. John and Curt look at each other. CURT John, I just want you to know that you’re my dude, Robin to my Batman, Bucky to my Captain America. JOHN Why am I the sidekicks? CURT Fine, you can be Captain America. But anyway, just because Peter Parker starts hanging out with Mary Jane doesn’t mean he stops fighting crime with Daredevil. I’m sorry I took you for granted. JOHN This is getting sappy-- But, I know, I’m sorry. Thank you. Lindy looks at John. LINDY John. JOHN Lindy. LINDY I don’t know what happened to those other tickets.
  • 102. 101. JOHN I know. LINDY I’m sorry. JOHN For what? LINDY Are you really doing this? JOHN Yes. LINDY Fine, I’m sorry for making fun of you and arguing with you. I know that this is important to you guys and I don’t want to get in between you both. JOHN Thank you. Lindy looks at John. LINDY Do you want to say anything? JOHN Fine. I suppose that I am sorry for undermining you and contradicting your every move. -- And for saying you ruined everything. LINDY Thank you. CURT Ok, and I’m sorry to both of you. Because It seems that I had the tickets in my costume pocket the entire time. Curt pulls tickets out of his pocket. JOHN What? LINDY Really?
  • 103. 102. TODD Are you kidding me? After all I went through to get us new ones? CURT Its not important. Lets focus on the fact that we all learned a valuable lesson. They all look at Curt. CURT We should get going in right? TODD Where is Sarah? LINDY She went after you. TODD Really? CUT TO: EXT. CITY BLOCKS AROUND THE CONVENTION CENTER - DAY Sarah walks around down the sidewalks looking for Todd. She sees a service door that is open on the side of the convention center and runs into it. EXT. CONVENTION CENTER - DAY The gang walks up to the convention center again this time with their tickets in hand. They make it through the line and finally get to redeem there badges and enter the facilities. INT. COMIC CON - DAY Curt, John, Lindy, and Todd enter the Comic Con Facilities. It is filled to the brim with people in all kinds of costumes carrying all kinds of items. They all gaze with wide wonder. JOHN Curt.
  • 104. 103. CURT John. JOHN Todd. TODD John. CURT Todd. TODD Curt. CURT Lindy. LINDY Curt. CURT We are here. JOHN Indeed we are. Sarah walks over to them. SARAH Indeed we are. They all look at Sarah confused. TODD Where did you come from? SARAH Oh yeah, long story. CUT TO: INT. COMIC CON LOADING DOCKS - DAY Sarah runs in the door and hides in a back room. She then makes her way through down stairs passages, climbs, through ceilings, runs up stairs, stops at a vending machine, and then makes her way out to the main floor of the convention. SARAH (V.O) I made my way though a back door and then up stairs and stopped for a snickers.
  • 105. 104. CUT TO: INT. COMIC CON - DAY The gang looks a her as she tells her story. TODD That wasn’t really that long of a story. Sarah Shrugs. SARAH Mhh, I guess not, it seemed longer. I did a lot of walking. They all look at her in confusion. CURT Well anyway. Lets do this. The gang walks around the convention center. They go through panels, the show floor, look at all kinds of merchandise and gear, and take pictures with other people in costumes. Curt and John wait in line and Show an ARTIST their Couch-Man comic.The artist smiles and nods. Multiple ATTENDEES come up to Sarah and take pictures with her. Sarah signs a few autographs. Curt sees a picture that appears to be Sarah wearing Goggles, a lab coat, and holding a beaker. CURT Holy crap, are you Professor F? From Physics Fun with Professor F.? SARAH Yeah. My last name is Franklin. CURT Oh my god, Professor F. has been with us the whole time? I didn’t recognize you with the bike, and hair, and -- Can I have your autograph? JOHN Me too, I loved your show. TODD Yeah.
  • 106. 105. LINDY Can I have one? Sarah Pulls out a sharpie from her bag. INT. COMIC CON HALLWAY - DAY They bump into the Rival Nerds walking down the hall all in costumes. Curt taps John on the shoulder. John, Todd, Lindy, and Sarah turn around and face the rival nerds. They square off like a wild west movie. John pulls out a foam sword and charges with it at Jim. Curt charges at Kirk, Lindy charges at Mindy, Todd charges at Tom, and Sarah pulls out a frisbe from her bag and carefully looks around the room before throwing it and perfectly bouncing it off the walls and right into Jims face. A battle with fake weapons commences. John stabs Jim and stands victorious. Jim stares at John. JIM How? JOHN Bitch, you messed with the wrong betas. SECURITY GUARDS come in and pull them all apart. EXT. CONVENTION CENTER - DAY The gang leaves the center with armfuls of items and with large smiles on their faces. They all make their way down the street and towards their van. JOHN That was amazing. TODD Did anyone else see that 15 foot tall Charzard? LINDY I got 8 autographs.
  • 107. 106. CURT The people looking at our work said it seemed promising, I have a bunch of new ideas. Couch-man the TV show, Couch-man the ride, Couch-man the inflatable bath pillow. SARAH I convinced people that I was the casting director for the next Star Trek movie. I got like 300 head shots. They continue looking around for the van. JOHN Guys where is the Van? CURT What, didn’t we park it here? TODD Yeah, and I swear there was no No Parking sign. LINDY Did it get towed again? JOHN I don’t know. If I knew then I would not be asking. TODD That stands to reason. CURT Come on guys we will find it. The gang continues to search the street. CUT TO: EXT. CITY BLOCKS AROUND THE CONVENTION CENTER - DAY The van drives down the street.
  • 108. 107. INT. VAN - DAY The scalper drives the Van down the street laughing. SCALPER You think you can mess with me and get away with it? The Scalper laugh maniacally to himself. SCALPER You will learn a hard lesson Mr. man I didn’t get the name of and Steely Steve. You’ll see. The Scalper laughs more. Text appears on the screen reading "To Be Continued?" FADE OUT