Guide giving-effective-feedback-across-cultures
- 2. ________ www.MarianneDupuisCoaching.com ________ Marianne DUPUIS ________ 2 PositionExpectationsIntentionEmotion Giving feedback across cultures Feedback is a tricky exercise when we need to share something that we assume may not be easy to consider for the receiver. We foresee some emotional resistance or defensive aggressive reactions whereas we are truly seeking for understanding and cooperation. Hence, we need to carefully prepare before giving feedback, and even more when we give feedback across cultures. Let us discover the four critical areas you need to pay special attention to when you plan to give a feedback in a multicultural environment. My name is Marianne Dupuis and I've been coaching since 2010, with a true passion for cross cultural topics. This derives both from my experience leading multicultural teams myself for more than 2 decades and from enjoying living abroad for about that same time too. I was educated in France, worked 15 years in Luxemburg, then in Kuala Lumpur, coaching and training people from all around the world. I’ve discovered that leveraging on different cultures opens new horizons, enriches perspectives and grows way more flexible and creative mindsets. Let us dive deeper on this specific example of giving feedback in a multicultural context, with four critical areas: 1. Emotion 2. Intention 3. Expectations 4. Position
- 3. ________ www.MarianneDupuisCoaching.com ________ Marianne DUPUIS ________ 3 PositionExpectationsIntentionEmotion Handle your own emotions first I remember a lovely guy, a French manager. One day, he received a report where unfortunately he noticed for the fourth time the exact same mistake. There were important decisions to be made based on these figures, so they had to be right. Hence, he became really ANGRY about that. What happened? He just opened his office door, walked through all the open space full of people and went to the lady who prepared the report, shouting at her in front of everyone. That kind of behavior could sometimes be tolerated in some specific environments. Yet in a professional setting, we need to be cautious because such behaviours would not score high points at all in any place of the world. And this is even worse in Asia. Unfortunately for this French leader, he was operating in a Japanese company where making people losing face in front of others is considered as profoundly humiliating! Nearly insulting… Hence, what happened? The lady was not motivated anymore and didn't really produce any better results later on. And even more dramatic… Everyone in that open space became both fearful and very defensive against him. You can easily imagine how challenging it was later on, when he needed to get things done. And when he genuinely needed help, guess how many came to support… Just nobody… Make sure you calm down; you ponder what you want to say, and you are back on your thinking feet before you dive into any conversation in a multicultural context.
- 4. ________ www.MarianneDupuisCoaching.com ________ Marianne DUPUIS ________ 4 How do you handle your own emotions first? That’s a very tricky part… If we do not handle our emotions well before, then the feedback will probably get messed up. We can easily get overwhelmed by the emotions, lose our patience and say things we will regret later for a long, long time… Not to mention that the person at the other end may well become very defensive, attack back and the discussion soon escalate into a much bigger conflict with very painful and bitter consequences. But, in true honesty, we are humans too! And how serene are we, thinking about giving a negative feedback? We worry on how the person will take it… We can fear to hurt them… We may be very angry that the situation worsens… We could be highly disappointed… We might be sad that we invested in that person and yet… We may well be concerned on how the other team members will react… How will the person tell others about what we said? What will happen next? Can we bear with the worst-case scenario? All these are so valuable concerns that they can trigger significant emotional tensions! Yet, the more we fuel them, the more we worsen the situation. Hence, we need to raise our game in terms of emotional intelligence. Each situation is unique and emotional triggers vary from one person to the other. You can search for relaxation techniques on the web, but that may not be enough for you here. You can talk to a friend, but they may not be professional and experienced at helping leaders with teams from different cultures. And wishing to support you best, they would be potentially biased. You can schedule a coaching session, where we review together the best ways to help you back into your calm and vigilant state. We also work together to help you stay calm all along. Coaching sessions provide insights on what is doable and how, so you are serene to move further. Book your coaching session at https://marianne-dupuis-coach.bookafy.com/Schedule a coaching session
- 5. ________ www.MarianneDupuisCoaching.com ________ Marianne DUPUIS ________ 5 What benefits do you get? There are huge benefits to calm down and provide feedback serenely, even more in a multicultural context or when the situation is complex. • Better analysis When we are calmer, we tend to be more open to dialogue and we listen better. This provides an opportunity to gather more insights and give us a chance to find the root causes or additional explanations. Instead of addressing only one consequence, we can settle a problem for good. We may even give ourselves a chance to realize that our perspective was wrong or just incomplete, that we were lacking knowledge about a certain process or way of doing in a specific culture and that we need to adjust our own plan. That would avoid painful drama. • Enhanced credibility While poised, we give the impression that we are in control and well prepared. On the opposite, when we lose our calm and shout, we frighten people, but we also show them how vulnerable we are. They are aware of our hot button and we become very predictable with child-like behaviours. We lose our strength and credibility. Hence, our key message does not get understood even less taken into account. People just do the minimum to keep themselves safe, not at all addressing the issue itself. • Motivation to change When we stay calm and listen, we create a positive environment for the person to feel respected and genuinely cooperative. It helps the person to take our feedback into consideration and duly act to improve the situation, with a higher sense of responsibility and willingness to improve. When people fell safe, we leverage on their genuine intent to act well and they are more inclined to take initiative, adjusting what is needed. • Lasting results If we don’t do feedback correctly, the issue will occur again or escalate and our efforts to give feedback will just be wasted. On the contrary, when we manage to give feedback correctly, we address the root cause and settle the problem for good or prevent it to happen again. Therefore, we then do not need to give further negative feedback because we got the lasting results we expect. Might as well give feedback right from the first time, it’s way more efficient!
- 6. ________ www.MarianneDupuisCoaching.com ________ Marianne DUPUIS ________ 6 PositionExpectationsIntentionEmotion Define your ultimate intention Once you are calm, the 2nd point is to define your ultimate intention. What do you absolutely want to get out of this feedback conversation? Let me give you an example. You receive a speech in English written in a very poor way. What's your ultimate intention here? • You may only want to save time. The quality of this speech is very poor, it contains many spelling errors that any automated spellcheck could have filtered. So, if you truly want to save time, the outcome of your feedback would be to convince the person to use the automatic spellcheck. Hence, you need a strategy to ensure this person listens and follows your instructions. • You may want to grow that person and the quality. You target that the person slowly moves towards the quality standard that you need. So your strategy may well consist in raising awareness on the gap between what was presented and what was expected, then empowering this author to take responsibility on choosing what's the best way to close the gap. Hence, depending on your ultimate intention, your feedback will significantly differ. You need to clarify what truly matters for you, for this person and your organization.
- 7. ________ www.MarianneDupuisCoaching.com ________ Marianne DUPUIS ________ 7 PositionExpectationsIntentionEmotion Identify the social expectations The 3rd point is to clarify the social expectations. Being who you are and talking to that person is not an isolated conversation between you and that person only. This feedback will have ripple effects on others, with different social norms. Yet, social norms differ from your native contexts and different international contexts. Thus, you need to be aware of what is socially acceptable in terms of hierarchical distance. • When you are the boss, can you give feedback or not? Do you need to involve any third-party or can you go direct? • When you're a male or a female, how does that play a role in the relationship that you will have with this person to whom you need to give feedback? How do men and women relate in the culture where you need to give feedback? • Same thing with your ethnicity, with your age, with your faith, etc. What are the socially acceptable practices? Let’s take the example of time, as social norms drastically vary on this area. You plan to give feedback at 10:00 AM. Can you show up at 10:10 AM or do you need to show up at 9:50 AM? Would your showing up at 9:50am offend that person because she's not ready? You need to know about that one and inquire about what are the social expectations. You also need to check whether 10 AM is your time or any other time zone and whether there is any light change timing with seasons too… Each culture differs in their social norms and many organizations also have their own professional acceptable practices. No guessing and no assuming here, you need to check first and learn. You could be very disappointed and easily hurt without knowing.
- 8. ________ www.MarianneDupuisCoaching.com ________ Marianne DUPUIS ________ 8 Choose your best position ;-) Given your intention and given the expectation, which position do you choose? You want the feedback receiver to feel safe enough to challenge you on the feedback you give. Indeed, you may not know the whole story, or you need a different set of information. So, the person needs to open up and you need to make sure that they're comfortable talking to you. For that to happen, you need to respect some social codes so that the person perceives you as credible and you're not seen as a threat yet. Yet, there probably are some social codes you do not adhere to or you do not wish to adhere to because it would deny who you are and that's not the point. We still want to you to keep your authenticity and to genuinely connect with that person. Hence, until what extent do you want to connect and how do you want to position yourself? Let’s contrast the same example of giving feedback with 2 different positions • As an intern Imagine you work as an intern in a firm where bosses are highly respected, as often in Asia. Your boss sits next to you, his boss sits next to him and his boss is 2 meters away from him. The boss of the boss of the boss of your boss sits just 8 meters away from your desk. And this top boss wants you, the international intern fluent in English, to correct his CV before he sends it to the international summit organizer. So he gives his CV to his direct report for him to give it to his direct report, who gives it to his direct report to instruct you to correct this CV. You glance at the CV and… it needs very serious adjustments.
- 9. ________ www.MarianneDupuisCoaching.com ________ Marianne DUPUIS ________ 9 PositionExpectationsIntentionEmotion Do you just walk across the 8 meters to give this feedback to the boss who requested it? As there is a huge gap in terms of hierarchical grades, it could be best to go through the hierarchical line again. Not necessarily the most effective… But, if you cross the 8 meters to address the top boss directly, chances are he may not even listen to you just because it not suitable with the social norms, especially in an open space where hundred pairs of eyes watch every gestures of yours! • As external Leadership & Executive Coach Now if I get that same CV to review, but I come as a coach where I probably need to say the obvious to that leader because no one else is actually daring to say it blocked by that power distance, then I will position myself in a completely different way. When I come as a coach, I make sure that I have a formal invitation to work with him through a contract where we define roles, then I will make it as a private conversation with this person. Nobody else will listen to it. Therefore, the leader feels safe that I have respected the social norms and is comfortable to talk to me as well as to listen to my feedback. And I will be way more direct and way more challenging with full respect for that person. In such instance, my feedback will be most precious because my independence allows me to state the truth and to share what truly matters even if it is not very comfortable to hear. Thus, depending on your position, the feedback varies even if the situation itself is the same. Choose the position that suits you, that serves your intention best and that can be welcome by the feedback receiver. You need to be comfortable handling your emotion, choosing your intention, identifying the social and professional expectations and choosing consciously what position you want to have.
- 10. ________ www.MarianneDupuisCoaching.com ________ Marianne DUPUIS ________ 10 How to give feedback across cultures? As you notice, giving feedback starts with a solid preparation involving the steps we covered. Then, you need to give that feedback and there are different models that can suit you best. Yet, there is no feedback model that could fit all situations, but there are plenty that we can adapt. We can review together what is best suited for your situation, in your own global environment, then chose what to adjust to perfectly fit your intention and purpose. You just need to Schedule a coaching session with the link below. Book your coaching session at https://marianne-dupuis-coach.bookafy.com/ Will that work for you too? Let me introduce you to F., a German leader sent to a rural area in Cambodia to run a factory. Nobody speaks German there, nor does he speak Khmer. F. has explained already five times that he needs to get an incident report every day without getting much response in return. Today, he just discovered a leakage that nobody reported for the last two weeks and that will require several days of work to repair. If someone had reported that on the same day, it would have been settled within an hour… If F. does not handle his rage and disappointment, he may just shout to get the inundation stopped as quickly as possible and look for the guilty person. Luckily, F. had no time to shout, as it was time for his coaching session. “I’m so glad I had the coaching session before giving feedback on that day... It may me realize that losing face in Asia is considered as a terrible humiliation and that I would only trigger an attempt to revenge if I had shouted on people. I managed to understand their fear of being punished or even fired, and their need to feel part of a group hence not willing to be seen as a whistle-blower. We checked my long-term intention and the social context, then I chose to have one of my direct reports to intervene as I was not in the best position and would create more conflict. It actually went smooth, they managed to find the root cause of the leakage, then I suggested they brainstorm on a detecting system. They came later with checklist of critical points to check with images and traffic light, so all can understand. Even better than I had imagine! It would not have ended so positively without that coaching. Thanks Marianne!” F. - Managing Director - Cambodia Schedule a coaching session
- 11. ________ www.MarianneDupuisCoaching.com ________ Marianne DUPUIS ________ 11 How to learn to give feedback across cultures? You may not have plenty of opportunities to give negative feedback across cultures. You may not want to wait till the situation is dramatic to actually learn to give feedback. Hence, an excellent way to grow your skills of giving effective feedback across cultures is to ask for feedback. You can ask for feedback from the people you work with through a confidential and structured process. You thus notice what is not helpful, what is not actionable, what is offending and what is truly precious. You also set a context of trust, so people will be more open later to listen to the feedback you want to give. Leading by example is a courageous way that truly inspires others. We invite you to get your own emotional intelligence assessment. This is a very good way to ask for feedback in a structured manner and anonymous way. That will give you tons of insights on your emotional intelligence, but also on the process of giving and receiving feedback. Ask your emotional intelligence assessment https://mariannedupuiscoaching.com/contact/ SPECIAL FOR EAGER LEADERS I’ve decided to make it special for diligent readers, eager to grow their leadership and show their commitment with a prompt decision. If you have read so far and are interested to grow your Emotional Intelligence, contact me to get your Emotional Intelligence Assessment. Price vary depending on how many people you want to receive feedback from. And I offer you a Complimentary Coaching Debrief of your Assessment if you contact me Today. In this call, you will get insights on which leadership traits others have observed, how you compare with 3000 global leaders and I will share with you the best ways to improve on what you need. Ask for your Emotional Intelligence Assessment TODAY & Get a Complimentary Coaching Debrief of your Assessment
- 12. ________ www.MarianneDupuisCoaching.com ________ Marianne DUPUIS ________ 12 Conclusion To give feedback in an efficient way, especially across cultures, you need to be comfortable handling your emotion, choosing your intention, identifying the social and professional expectations and choosing consciously what position you want to have. Then, you need to pick a feedback model and adjust it precisely to suit your needs, to allow the receiver to properly take your feedback into account and act on it within the norms of the organization. It is not something very intuitive, nor something we have a lot of practice with before it can happen with high stakes, so we rather learn it by asking for feedback first, in a structured and anonymous process. Obviously, there's way more to know than mastering the skill of giving feedback if you want to drive a top competitive team in an international context. And you need to identify what skills to sharpen before you find ways to thrive. Excellent leaders manage to do miracles with their teams despite adversity and leverage on diversity. Find out if you have the leadership skills and potential to be one of them! Test your leadership skills at http://www.mariannedupuiscoaching.com Leading across cultures is a fascinating, complex and enriching journey. It can provide lots of fulfillment from amazing achievements we could not even foresee, stimulating experiences where learning makes you even stronger and resilient, as well as the chance to grow an extensive global network to propel your career further and quicker. Don’t let the less glorious days and challenges affect you, there are solutions to overcome these. I am at your side to make your leadership a success and have you enjoying it to the most. Enjoy leading! Marianne