Guidelines to Improve Compliance with our Requests and Commands
- 2. We state a request in the form of a question, giving the child the option to comply or to refuse. A command, on the other hand, is a statement that gives the child no option to refuse. Requests are often accompanied by social conventions such as, “Would you please…?” or “I would like you to…” We express commands in a more authoritative way, and, when the child’s compliance is weak, our command can escalate into a demand, which is probably one of the weakest ways to win compliance in children. Simply put, a request is asking the child to do something; a command is telling the child to do it.
- 3. Walker and Walker (1991) distinguish between alpha commands and beta commands. An alpha command is clear, direct, and specific, without extra verbalizations. Beta commands are vague, may involve multiple directives (simultaneously telling the child multiple things to do), and can be accompanied by too many verbalizations. Alpha commands allow a reasonable period for a response (five to fifteen seconds); beta commands do not give the child adequate time and opportunity to comply. Because they are vague, beta commands do not present the child a clear criterion for compliance, which may confuse the child on what we are expecting her to do, and/or we cannot accurately measure the child’s compliance (e.g., “Be nice to Josh” or “Do something with this mess”). Alpha commands increase the rate of compliance; beta commands inhibit compliance.
- 4. Multiple chain commands That is, telling the child to do too many things at once. Multiple commands can confuse or overwhelm the child, or the child can forget one or more steps. An example of a multiple command is, “Pick up the art materials, get your math workbook, and complete pages twelve and fourteen, skipping page thirteen.” Question commands Once we ask a question, our command changes to a request. Asking a question implies that we are giving the child the option to refuse, which is an ineffective way to express what we want when refusing is not an option. For example, “Would you please pick up the coloring materials?”
- 5. Vague commands These commands are described poorly and the terms we use do not provide steps or instructions, confusing the child. Vague commands do not tell the child exactly what he is going to do, and because of this, we cannot measure compliance accurately, for example, “Knock it off!” or “Be more careful with your work!” How do you define “careful”? What exactly the child needs to do to show compliance with this particular command? Frequent commands These are the commands that we state repeatedly. When we just keep repeating the same command to the same child, and without enforcing consequences, the child ends believing that we do not really mean what we are saying.
- 6. Commands that include a rationale These are the commands that explain to children why they need to do the behavior (e.g., “If you do not line up now, we will be late for lunch”). The problem with this kind of command is that the child may dispute your rationale. Because any extra verbalization that follows the command tends to hide the command, Forehand and McMahon (1981) recommend that, if we include a rationale, it must precede the command rather than follow it. “Let’s do it together commands” These are the commands that imply a joint participation between the child and the adult when this is not necessary true, for example, “Let us try to pick up these toys” (Forehand and McMahon, 1981; Bloomquist, 1996).
- 7. Do not give a command if a request will do it as well. Give a command only if it is necessary to the situation. Try to give more requests and suggestions than authoritative orders. Give a specific, one-step command stated in ten words or less, for example, “Put all the coloring materials on the shelf.” Brief commands are associated with higher compliance. State your command only once. Use a direct statement, e.g., “Steven, return to your seat now” rather than a question, e.g., “Would you please return to your seat?” Remember that a question implies choice. Make a clear, descriptive statement that tells the child exactly what to do, examples, “Shut down the computer” and “Pick up all the books from the floor and put them on this shelf.”
- 8. Give only one command at a time. Make sure that you clearly separate different commands, and that each command is broken down into a specific behavior. For example, “Open your math workbook and complete all the problems on page 42… (Pause) Use the protractors that I gave you yesterday and graph paper.” Use positive wording, telling the child what to do rather than what not to do. Avoid giving negative directions, for example, say, “Keep your voices low” rather than “Don’t shout” or “Walk in the hall” rather than “Do not run in the hall.”
- 9. Positive direction increases compliance. When we give positive directions, we are guiding children toward a more acceptable behavior, or an alternative behavior, for example, “If you need to make noises, you can go to the hall,” “If you want to hit, try punching this toy,” or “You can color on this paper, not on your desk.” Use commands that describe appropriate behavior rather than inappropriate behavior. Examples, “Please, hand me the eraser” rather than “Stop playing with that eraser,” or “Hold your coat higher so that it does not drag” rather than “Do not drag your coat on the floor.” Use more “start” or initiating commands (what to start doing) and fewer “stop” or terminating commands (what to stop doing). It is easier to start doing something than to stop doing what we are already doing.
- 10. Give a clear time limit, for example, “You have exactly five minutes to collect all the library books” or “The tables have to be cleaned up before _____.” An effective command tells both what to do and the time limit. Be calm and relaxed. When you give a command, use an unemotional, matter-of-fact style. Make eye contact and, if you are a teacher, say the student’s name. To emphasize your message, match your verbal (words) and nonverbal (gestures and signals) communication. When addressing directly a harmful behavior, clearly identify the hurtful behavior and be forceful in prohibiting the behavior, for example, “You never poke someone in the eye!” Do not reissue the command or give different commands.
- 11. Avoid arguing with the child and coercion. Avoid coaxing, for example, “I would like you to _____; please do it.” To avoid arguments and conflict, use the broken record technique. With this technique, you repeat the same phrase up to three times, no matter what the child says or does, and then, you move away from the child. For example: Student: But I just want finish coloring this page. Teacher: You need to close your book. Student: But I just want five more minutes… please…please! Teacher: You need to close your book. With the broken record technique, we are simply restating our position.
- 12. Do not label the child (e.g., “Stop acting like a baby!”) and do not give threats (e.g., “You will see what happens if you keep that up!”) Make the request or give your command in close proximity rather than from the distance. For example, in the classroom, state your request or command within a desk length rather than across the room. Limit different requests to just two; make the same request only twice, and do not make different requests at the same time. When making your request, use a soft, firm voice. When stating your command, turn down your voice volume. You need to sound calm and in control of the message, projecting your confidence that the child will comply. A loud voice with a high fast pitch may sound angry, which in turn may trigger angry feelings in the child.
- 13. Do not expect instant compliance. Give an advanced warning five-to-ten minutes ahead, for example, “In five minutes we shut down the computers to go to lunch.” With a non-compliant student, use the command-compliance training. Without telling the child, once or twice a day, call the child next to you, and over the course of five minutes, give her two-to-four simple commands that require no effort. For example, you can say, “Hand me that eraser” or “Sharpen this pencil.” Each time the child complies, praise her (e.g., “Good, you responded promptly. I like that”). If the child does not comply, say nothing and wait for one minute, then try a different simple command. If the child still does not comply, desist, and try again later that day or on a different day.
- 14. Use a planned shift in attention, that is, give no attention to noncompliance, and give 100% attention (praise and encouragement) to compliant behavior. An effective command should be : A. Brief B. Followed by a warning (If… Then…) C. Followed with either a consequence (e.g. time out or suspending a privilege) or a reward (e.g. praise and smile).
- 15. Use only one warning and state the warning only once, or use the three-warnings, then penalty technique. Include in the warning a clear statement about what the child must stop doing, and what will happen if the disruptive behavior continues. Count aloud to five before administering the consequence. If you need to deliver a penalty, after the penalty, ask the child what he learned from the mistake.
- 16. Bloomquist, M. L. (1996). Skills training for children with behavior disorders: A parent and therapist guidebook. NY: Guilford Press. Forehand, R., & McMahon, R. (1981). Helping the noncompliant child. NY: Guilford Press. Walker, H. M., & Walker, J. E. (1991). Coping with noncompliance in the classroom: A Positive approach for teachers. Austin, Texas: Pro-Ed.
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