How to communicate in a beyond busy world

Editor's Notes

• #4: Most companies don’t plan this way. More like Steve Jobs’ reality distortion field
• #5: War, innocence, truth, the planEver since I heard Jill say that, I've been noticing how true it is, and collecting ideas about how to SpeakStrong in a beyond-busy world. I've observed how people talk with one foot out the door, answer emails without having read them (if they answer at all), and listen while texting their friends. I've noticed people ask questions I answered already, answer questions I didn't ask, and make assumptions that don't apply. But mostly, I've noticed how much time is wasted correcting errors that would not have happened if people knew how to communicate in a beyond-busy world. It takes a lot more time to correct errors due to hasty communication than it does to say it right the first time.My good example of a bad example
• #7: They don’t seem to care enough to offer simple courtesies like saying thank-you for favors, doing what they say they will or letting you finish a sentence. And... or… they can’t seem to meet a deadline, or if they do, their work is sloppy, not what they had agreed on or needs correcting. They must be intelligent or they wouldn’t be in the positions they’re in. Yet somehow they can’t seem to grasp a simple idea, respond to a straightforward question or make a simple decision. These things might be true but it doesn’t mean any of the above.If coworkers who are generally competent forget things you told them moments ago, if you don’t seem to be able to get your clients’ full attention long enough to explain your service, start by understanding their worlds. If people say they’re interested, excited and enthusiastic about something, and then never get back to you, if you ask three questions in an email and feel lucky when the recipient answers two of them, if you get the sense that people don’t listen, take a step back and recalibrate. It’s not the same world it was twenty years ago – or even five years ago. If you communicate like it is, you set yourself up for frustration and failure. If you make the leap, you set yourself up for success.
• #9: Even if the assumptions are true, they’re not helpful.1.What appears as rudeness could easily be a beyond-busy person operating in a beyond-busy world doing the best they can in a state of overwhelm. You’re better off to figure out whether or not you can make your communication work rather than judge and complain. You may choose to move on because the people who seem rude don’t meet your needs, but not because your feelings are hurt over something that has nothing to do with you. They don’t seem to care enough to offer simple courtesies like saying thank-you for favors, doing what they say they will or letting you finish a sentence. And... or… they can’t seem to meet a deadline, or if they do, their work is sloppy, not what they had agreed on or needs correcting. They must be intelligent or they wouldn’t be in the positions they’re in. Yet somehow they can’t seem to grasp a simple idea, respond to a straightforward question or make a simple decision. These things might be true but it doesn’t mean any of the above.2.Name of the game is immediacy3. Give them enough to get them to WANT to move to the next stage. 4. It’s up to you to help people assess what’s involved before you put yourself in situations where you depend on someone. 5. Setting action in stone up front is a bit like talking marriage on a first date. A better question at that stage of the process is – what’s our next step?6. I recently had eye surgery. The staff verified which eye they were operating on at least twenty times. Even though they had told me clearly, they had me write out by hand and sign a paper saying I understood that I would probably still need corrective lenses. Why? Because they don’t assume that because they tell someone something and the person appears to agree, that they do. It’s better to assume that words land into a mental and/or physical environment that has a lot of noise in it. That way you’ll know to take responsibility to get through.
• #12: “We’re like the girl in the Exorcist – our heads are spinning and we expect pea soup to spew any minute! “ Colorful, isn’t it! This client has detailed the number of projects she juggles, the number of emails she receives in a day and the number of calls she gets in an hour. She helps me “go and see” how busy she is by painting a detailed picture for me. It helps me know the context my words land in. Recent emailsI sat next to my web developer for two hours and heard his phone ringing every three minutes for myself. That explained a lot! No, he hadn’t been deliberately ignoring my calls. He was way over committed. At one point he mentioned that he clears his inbox out regularly by simply deleting older emails whether he had read them or not. Okay, he’s my FORMER web developer – seeing his world didn’t make his non-responsiveness work for me. But by going and seeing what his world is like, I was able to understand what I could realistically expect from him in terms of managing our communication. I made sure my voice was heard as we got the project he was working n for me to the point where I could replace him with someone who (gasp) answers the phone.
• #15: Sure, we “shouldn’t” have to remind people to answer our questions or deliver on our promises. We “shouldn’t” have to call three or four times to get a simple answer to a simple question that is holding us up. But life often requires us to do things that we shouldn’t have to do, so be willing to squeak.
• #16: Eyesurgery. The staff verified which eye they were operating on at least twenty times. Even though they had told me clearly, they had me write out by hand and sign a paper saying I understood that I would probably still need corrective lenses. Why? Because they don’t assume that because they tell someone something and the person appears to agree, that they do. It’s better to assume that words land into a mental and/or physical environment that has a lot of noise in it. That way you’ll know to take responsibility to get through.
• #17: Walk in your own shoes, observe your own behaviors.Have ways to capture "open-loops" so they don't get lost.Give yourself room to have leisurely conversations. For example, I might think a deadline matters more than a personal conversation with a client but if I allow a few extra minutes just to chat, information or simply the connection turns out to be priceless. My husband is a natural health consultant, and has learned that when clients don’t feel rushed, essential info often surfaces that wouldn’t in a more rushed environment.
• #24: These tips won’t solve all the problems of communicating in a beyond-busy world, but they do give you an advantage that those who still think it’s the 80’s or 90’s don’t have. You may decide some vendors, clients and associates are simply too busy to engage with no matter what you do. And that’s part of effective communication in a beyond-busy world.