Lecture -Telling vs Showing
- 1. TELLING VS SHOWING Writing the Application Essay
- 2. TELLING VS SHOWING 1 A major issue I have is with revising and editing. I suspect many students have this problem.
- 3. TELLING 1 In this example, the student did not provide any specific examples of her problems with editing or revising and assumed (without cause or proof) that other students have the same (unexplained) problems.
- 4. TELLING VS SHOWING 2 It is important to be honest and trustworthy, and of course, I am both.
- 5. TELLING 2 Again, this student did not provide any proof that he is honest or trustworthy. Why should be just simply take your word for it?
- 6. TELLING VS SHOWING 3 I realized I had trouble supporting my ideas when my instructor wrote, “Needs more supporting details” on two of my papers.
- 7. SHOWING 3 This example is fantastic! It provides a specific example of a time when the student struggled and what she did to correct the problem
- 8. TELLING VS SHOWING 4 After volunteering at my church with homeless people, now I speak directly to and make eye contact with homeless people when I see them on the street. I no longer just ignore them.
- 9. SHOWING 4 This student does a great job of self-analysis. The student is reflecting on what she does differently now after her experience with people who are different from her. It shows growth and change. The self-analysis section of your essay is extremely difficult to capture, but by using specific examples, you can make your essay stand out above the rest.
- 10. TELLING VS SHOWING 5 When I was at a loss for ideas for my English essay, I turned to my Writer’s Notebook where I had been writing down all my ideas about the benefits of graduating from college.
- 11. SHOWING 5 This student has provided a specific scenario with her specific reaction and response to her stress. She is proving that she is a hard- working and dedicated student who knows how to study and actually be a college student.
- 12. TELLING VS SHOWING 6 I like to think life approaches you with certain people, events, and places for specific reasons. The culture I was born into, the environment in which I grew up in, and my family are some of the leading factors that have shaped me into being the independent teenager I am now.
- 13. TELLING 6 There are far too many things crammed into this sentence with no specific examples at all. It is too vague with no specific details about how the student changed or grew because of the experience.
- 14. TELLING VS SHOWING 7 When my friend asked if he could copy my homework, instead of simply giving it to him, I told him how I went to tutoring for help, and then I walked with him to the Learning Center.
- 15. SHOWING 7 This sentence is a phenomenal expression of honesty and integrity. The student hasn’t even said that he is honest. The truth lies in his example!
- 16. TELLING VS SHOWING 8 I was poking around in places I shouldn’t be and found a door that just so happened to be unlocked. I cracked it open and found myself with a bunch of IT workers working on their computers, and since I was already inside the room, I decided to ask a few questions out of curiosity because I’ve always been interested in computers.
- 17. SHOWING 8 The details of this example are so amazing. The descriptive adjectives and verbs make the reader actually feel like he or she is sneaking around with the writer. There is just enough intrigue to draw the reader in, but not so much that the reader feels uneasy or awkward.
- 18. TELLING VS SHOWING 9 Growing up differently than the rest of my peers was definitely a struggle but learning to embrace the unique qualities of my personality molded me into becoming the strong, independent young woman I am growing towards now.
- 19. TELLING 9 This sentence is unfortunately like most stock application essays. It seems interesting on the surface, but it doesn’t really give any insight into the writer’s personality or character. It is cliché and ordinary with no specific details. It is simply boring.
- 20. TELLING VS SHOWING 10 A homeless, six months pregnant friend with cerebral palsy wanted me to help her. I was in disbelief that she would even ask me for help. How could I possibly help someone else when I needed help myself? My life was already spinning out of control as a single, uneducated mother working to make ends meet.
- 21. SHOWING 10 This example is packed with a lot of WOW! It’s a bit shocking and definitely out of the ordinary. There are descriptive adjectives and verbs and the writer makes the reader want to know more.