Lesson 6 module 3 mindful

Editor's Notes

• #2: Mindfulness can help us learn that people, places and things, and events are neither good nor bad, but that our mind labels things as such almost automatically. Events, feelings or persons are not intrinsically good or bad, they “are” simply what they are; events, feelings and persons. Only when we label them as right or wrong, they affect our thoughts and behavior. An important part of mindfulness is to understand judgments. Judgments often happen automatically. This is the conditioned functioning of our mind. There is nothing wrong with that and it is also necessary to interpret the world around us. However, as previously described, judgments may limit us severely or can even be counterproductive if we forget that they don’t reflect reality but our beliefs about reality. By becoming aware of the natural tendency of the mind to judge, the effect of a judgment on our functioning is reduced. The more we become aware of our judgments, the less our minds will tend to label automatically. By noticing that you judge a feeling or a situation, you can decide to focus your attention completely and immediately, without judging, on the experience of the moment. You can be the direct observer of what is happening in the present moment again, without filters (see fig. 4). This not only creates more space for yourself, but also for your environment. The conversation with the person who is sitting opposite you is no longer limited to the box in which you put this person. Without judging a gloomy feeling as bad and undesirable, but by accepting and letting it be, there is no longer a conflict. When you refrain from judgment you see the bigger picture again; that this experience is as necessary as the pleasurable experiences. They are both part of the same coin. The gloom is not bad in an absolute sense. If the gloom is not bad anymore, the gloom is no longer a problem; it is a feeling, like all other feelings.
• #4: INFORMATION: BEING AWARE OF JUDGMENTS By becoming more aware of your judgmental mind, you train the “observing self” (Dijkman, 1982). In this way, you will learn to look at the content of your mind, as a kind of independent observer, without going along with it. You will not only gain more insight into the automatic patterns of your mind, such as judgments, but you will also learn to be able to believe the judgment or not. You could say that you will have more control over the consequences of your thoughts. There are many forms of daily judgments. A common example is complaining. Complaining is rarely aimed at actually solving the problem (“I really don’t want to work”, “Things never work out the way I want”). You do not expect the person to whom you complain to have a solution for you. It is rather asking for a confirmation of a negative state, hoping that the person goes along with it. It is important to note that judging itself is not problematic. Obviously, in some cases it is unavoidable or maybe even important to judge. Usually, this regards the effectiveness of a goal-oriented process, such as writing an article, building a house, planning a trip, etc. Here, the judgment reflects a desire for optimal performance. Judging can become problematic when we forget that every judgment, per definition, reflects our own vision on things, not the things themselves. When judgment is inevitable or desirable, it can be beneficial to learn to express yourself in less dualistic terms (i.e. black/white judgmental terms such as good, bad, wrong). Once you consciously try to bring more relativity to your talking (“this is bad” versus “this could be better”) this doesn’t need to be at the expense of the effectiveness or clarity of your message. Compare the statement “You did a bad job” with the statement “Your work could be improved”. The latter formulation contributes more space for improvement in itself and is not only less offensive but perhaps also more motivating.