Mastering conflict in the workplace

Editor's Notes

• #4: Anyone seen these before? How is this possible? These photos are taken by a photographer named Norbert Rosing whose work appeared in National Geographic and other magazines as well as several books. The location was a kennel outside Churchill, Manitoba owned by dog breeder Brian Ladoon, who kept some 40 Canadian Eskimo sled dogs there when Rosing visited in 1992. A large polar bear showed up one day and took an unexpected interest in one of Ladoon's tethered dogs. The other dogs went crazy as the bear approached, Rosing says, but this one, named Hudson, "calmly stood his ground and began wagging his tail." To Rosing and Ladoon's surprise, the two "put aside their ancestral animus," gently touching noses and apparently trying to make friends. Just then another large polar bear arrived and advanced toward one of Ladoon's other dogs, Barren. The latter rolled on his back, then the pair commenced playing "like two roughhousing kids," Rosing writes, tumbling around in the snow as he snapped pictures of the surreal encounter from the safety of his vehicle. The bear returned for more play sessions every afternoon for 10 days in a row. What does this mean and why would I start a session on conflict this way? Its about choice, one you all have made already.
• #7: Self concept: how we feel about ourselves Expectation: do we believe the other person wants to resolve this Situation: where the conflict is happening Position: how much power do we have Communication: essence of conflict resolution and conflict management is the ability to communicate effectively
• #8: Exercise: Write the word conflict in the center of a blank piece of paper and draw a circle around it. Quickly jot down all the words and phrases you associate with the word conflict by arranging them around your circle. Review your list of associations and categorize them as positive, negative, or neutral. Count the total number of positive, negative, and neutral associations, and calculate the percentages that are positive, negative, and neutral. Did you have more than 90% positive? Did you have more than 90% negative? What do your associations with the word conflict indicate about your views about conflict and your approach to conflict? OR I Represent Conflict Place yourself in the middle of the room and say, "Imagine that I represent conflict. Think about how you usually react when you experience a conflict personally or witness a conflict happening nearby. Then place yourself, in relation to me, somewhere in the room in a way that indicates your first response to conflict or disagreement. Think about your body position, the direction that you're facing, and the distance from conflict."Once students have found a position relative to you in the room, ask individuals to explain why they are standing where they are. You might also want to ask, "If this represents your first reaction, what might your second reaction be, after thinking about the conflict?"Read more on TeacherVision: http://www.teachervision.fen.com/classroom-management/activity/2922.html#ixzz1U03uXBE1
• #10: Focus on the left eye, then on the right. Do this slowly and intently SMILE, even when you don’t feel like it. Stand/sit straight with head erect Arms at your side Project Confidence
• #11: Mindful Communication-paying attention to how we open up when we feel safe or shut down when we don’t. Doing this without judgment puts us in greater control of our interactions Polar Bears and Dogs. Tails wagging, rolling on back exposed bellies. There is that word again CHOICE
• #12: An analogy to your response to communication/conflict in mindful communication is a traffic light. Red light-Be careful, communicating in this zone can lead to difficult and painful reactions. When we are defensive we are needy which may create a no win situation. Yellow light- relax with uncertainty. Pause, reflect, linger there and let possibilities emerge. What causes my reaction to this person? Green light: When we are open we let go of our opinions and enter a larger mind which gives us the power to trust our instincts, like the dog with the polar bear. Not needy.
• #15: Triangles: You expect to get results and you appreciate other people being equally as frank and forthright as you are. You set great store by efficiency so you like to keep conversations short and to the point. You are the sort of person other people expect to take charge in a crisis because you are decisive and business-like. You need to watch out for your tendency to interrupt other people – try to hear them out before you jump in with your own views. Otherwise you reisk being seen by others as impatient, even aggressive. Circles: You like to have detailed information and take a very systematic approach to tasks. Accuracy and logic are important to you. You sometimes feel annoyed if other people make careless mistakes. Other people will see you as someone who is reserved, considered deliberate and asks lots of questions. You are more comfortable with written ocmmunication but that means you can come across to others as impersonal. To get round that try to use face-to-face communcation when you can and work on increasing your eye contact and trying to use more open gestures. Squares: Your are a thoughtful person who is always polite and is a good listener. You like to illustrate what you mean using stories aobut your own and other people’s experiences. You place great importance on trust and loyalty and value strong relationships. You tend to use open gestures, although your eye contact is not always strong. This will tend to lead others to spend some time learning how to handle conflicts so that you can bring more assertiveness to your communication style. Diamonds: You are imaginative, creative and enthusiastic. You tend to talk more than you listen. You are a very spontaneous communicator. You are a master of the quick-fire come-back and the witty of-the-cuff remark. Your fondness for stories, anecdotes and jokes makes you entertainin company and you come over to others as a friendly person. However, sometimes your love of all things new and exciting means you are not very practical and you can be disorganised. The single most effective thing you can do to improve the effectiveness of your communication is to spend more time listening.
• #16: I would be remiss if I didn’t talk briefly about reviewing the consequences
• #19: What are their characteristics? Silent type: never offer ideas or let you know where they stand but often can tell by their body language they don’t agree or approve also passively just don’t do what you ask Yes: agree but don’t follow through, can’t trust them No: inflexible, sometimes immoveable, no is their only answer. Quick to point out why something won’t work. Vague: never makes desires clear BFF: friendly small talk turns into personal gossip, uses people to spy on others
• #20: What are their characteristics? Do it all: OCD, goes ahead and does things without consulting others. Will roll over people to do it themselves Know it all: arrogant with an opinion on everything. When wrong they get defensive The micromanager: watches your every move The bully: steals any vestige of joy you get out of your job. Treats everyone as if they were stupid or incompetent. The narcissist: all about them, change the rules to suit them, design the process around them.
• #21: 1. Maintain your confidence. You can not change the difficult person but you can change your reactions to him/her 2. Hold realistic expectations. Make sure the difficult person can reach your expectations. You may be expecting him to do or be something that is impossible. Remember when we are closed or don’t feel safe we can be needy. A difficult person can not meet your needs. 4. Empathy: What makes this person like this? Even taking a very brief moment to breathe and evaluate the situation will produce a different outcome. Refuse to play his/her games. Don't allow yourself to become the difficult person's slave. Be honest with yourself and learn to say no.
• #23: Like understanding a style of conflict or practicing mindful communication understanding what drives others, what are their triggers, what are they dealing with can help resolve existing conflicts and prevent new ones. Motivation to resolve conflict is key on both sides.