Networking nightmares

by
David Congreave
The Nettle Magazine (Paypershop Ltd) ©
Networking
Nightmares
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CONTENTS
NETWORKING NIGHTMARES _____________________________________ 1
Introduction _______________________________________________________________ 3
Reality Check ______________________________________________________________ 4
An Unadvertised Bonus ______________________________________________________ 5
Before You Arrive __________________________________________________________ 7
On The Day________________________________________________________________ 9
IM Myths De-Bunked ______________________________________________________ 13

Introduction
When the average home business owner works till the early hours of
the morning, alone and isolated with only forum buddies for company,
it’s not long before a change in perspective occurs.
Formerly sociable people who
worked happily in a bustling office
begin to enjoy the solitude and come
to rely on it. The idea of meeting
clients or colleagues in person
begins to sound unappealing or even
like an ordeal.
Antipathy towards exchanging the
computer for real people, even for a
few hours, is strong.
If any of this sounds familiar then it’s time to sit up and take notice of
the fact that exhibitions, conferences, seminars, focus groups and
workshops are everywhere. And in the internet marketing (IM) world,
they’ve never been more popular.
More recently, an almost MIRACULOUS trend has been taking place.
Event organisers and regular attendees have begun to observe a
definite connection between the business success of an individual and
their willingness to attend IM events. People who have been struggling
to get their home business of the ground have turned things around
within months – or even weeks – of attending an IM seminar or
workshop.
If at this point, you find yourself mentally ‘switching off’ or guiding the
mouse to the ‘x’, ask yourself why this is.
Whatever your circumstances or social preferences, meeting people
face to face affords you an advantage. Resisting these opportunities
because you MIGHT be able to manage without them is backward
thinking and calls into question your commitment to making your
business work.
IM events will open up possibilities you never even imagined, so get
ready to witness the miracle for yourself.

Reality Check
In the internet marketing niche, seminars or workshops are the most
common type of event.
If you’re looking to learn, then pay attention to who will be speaking
and the topics that will be covered. Seminars are often annual events,
so ask at your favourite forum for recommendations or look out for
recommendations from your favourite guru.
If a seminar is going to provide high quality and content laden
lectures, then expect to pay a good sum (anything from five hundred
dollars to several thousand) to attend.
If the cost to attend a seminar is low or even free then be aware that
the organisers are probably expecting to recoup their costs by pitching
their products and services to the audience.
This doesn’t mean the event isn’t worthwhile (quite the opposite), but
just be prepared that a pitch will take place at some point and that the
organisers also have a business to run.
Additionally, and this is crucial, try
and temper your cynicism about any
offers being made to you. Don’t
purchase something you can’t afford,
but be open to the possibility that the
offers made to you can be hundreds of
dollars cheaper than if you’d purchased
them elsewhere.
** WARNING **
Beware of events that are arranged by an organisation pedalling a very
specific product or biz-op. They may promise an impressive array of
lectures but, if their purpose is to encourage you to invest in an
expensive product or service, the information presented may be self-
serving, inaccurate and misleading.
Research your chosen event carefully.

An Unadvertised Bonus
Whatever kind of event you attend, the residual benefit that is
ALWAYS present, is the opportunity to network with other attendees.
Meal times, coffee breaks and the evening period after the event are
all OPPORTUNITIES for meeting others in your field and building
relationships.
The benefit from this ‘unadvertised bonus’ can often be equal to, or
even greater, than the knowledge you acquire from the lectures.
Your brain keeps a section specifically for
remembering faces. Meeting someone and
conversing face to face creates brain activity
that can never happen with an email, a forum
post, or even a telephone conversation.
No matter how much you can achieve with
technical methods, a real world meeting is
more memorable and allows people to put a
face to your name and, significantly, your
business.
REAL network marketing is nothing to do with
MLM or biz-ops. It’s about making contacts,
building relationships with REAL business
owners and dragging each other along the road to success.
People you know loosely from email conversations or forum
discussions can become three dimensional beings and the likelihood of
developing a mutually beneficial relationship increases.
Talk to any proponent of offline events and they’ll tell you about the
valuable business relationships they’ve struck up with people they’d
never even met before a chance encounter during a networking
session.
Consider this…
Have you ever noticed how many product launches have two (or even
three) names at the bottom of the sales letter?
This Is NOT a Coincidence

Working with one or more people greatly increases your ability to put a
project together and the speed with which you can do it. Often, these
partnerships, that you’re unwittingly observing day after day, were
forged after a meeting at an IM event.
If you’re not already attending or planning to attend an event, you
should be doing so ASAP.
In fact, the real MARKETING
MIRACLE is why more aspiring
entrepreneurs don’t attend events;
most coming up with a myriad of
reasons for not attending.
Or if they do attend, they arrive late
and leave early, missing out on the
opportunities to meet people.
The – often unspoken – reason why people avoid IM events is simply
because the idea of meeting and talking to strangers can be nerve-
wracking.
As human beings we tend to fear the unknown and the idea of
travelling to, and attending, an event alone, can inspire a great deal of
anxiety.
People who sound confident in emails and forum posts may, in real
life, be painfully shy. This, above all, may be the main reason why
many choose to miss out.
In the next chapter, we’ll take an in-depth look at networking, and
how to reduce your anxiety to the point where you are ready to take
the plunge!

Before You Arrive
Anthropophobia is the phobia of people. If even the thought of
attending a networking event and meeting strangers gives you heart
palpitations and leaves you nauseous then don’t worry, it’s unlikely
that you have this phobia.
When confronted with their worst fears,
a genuine phobic will often have a full-
blown anxiety attack. It’s far more likely
that your problem is that of shyness or,
even more likely, a simple fear of the
unknown.
Most people – unless their self-
confidence is very strong – will feel, at
the very least, uncomfortable when
placed in an unfamiliar setting with
unfamiliar people. We feel unsure of
what to do or say and we compound it by
worrying that other people will notice our
discomfort.
People often make excuses as to why
they can’t attend off-line events such as seminars or workshops. It’s
easy to pass off these justifications as evidence that someone is not
serious about their business.
But it’s far more likely that the individual is simply nervous about
placing themselves in an unfamiliar environment.
The purpose of this chapter is to help you confront and overcome
these fears by de-mystifying what you can expect to find when you
arrive at an off-line event.
I’ll also make some suggestions that will help make it easier to
converse with people when you get there.
Preparation
The more prepared you are for your trip, the more comfortable you’ll
feel.

Remember to pack the obvious items such as pens and paper for
taking notes.
Make sure your transport arrangements are finalised and that you
have maps of your destination as well as directions. Print off some
Google Maps to supplement what the organiser has provided.
Take a contact number for the organisers with you. If you arrive at
your destination but struggle to follow the directions to the exact
location, one phone call can solve the problem.
If possible arrange to meet someone that you already know BEFORE
you get to the venue. You will likely feel more comfortable arriving
with someone familiar at hand. Just be careful not to turn this into an
excuse not to talk to new people.
Most events don’t have a specific dress code so some will turn up in
casual gear while others will turn up in business attire. Choose
clothing that you will be comfortable in (you’ll be doing a lot of sitting)
but that, at the same time, reflect the impression you want to convey.
If the seminar is over more than one day, take a mixture of clothing so
you can adapt to the mood of the event.
If there is anything else you want to know before you attend, don’t be
afraid to ask the organisers for more information.
Business Cards
To enable people to keep in touch
with you after the event, make sure
you get a good supply of business
cards to take with you. They don’t
have to be fancy, as long as they
contain your name, email address
and web address.
Do be wary, however, of websites
that offer free business cards as the quality is often very poor. A lot of
people at your event will be giving out business cards that are paper-
thin or printed at home so, if you get some decent business cards
printed, this is an easy way to stand out.
You can tell a good quality business card by the weight. 335gsm is
reasonable; 400gsm or more is preferable.

On The Day
Entering a strange building can be a great source of anxiety but,
remember, the majority of people who are attending will also be
unfamiliar with their surroundings. There is a strong likelihood that
the organisers will have placed something - or someone - in the
entrance area to direct you.
If there is a reception area, ask to be directed to the <name of
event>. Otherwise, look for signs or directions.
Usually there will be some time before the event begins to get a drink
and meet some of the other attendees. Commit to leaping that first
hurdle of meeting some people now and you will enjoy the rest of your
day that much more.
Meeting People
Guaranteed, there will be at least one attendee who is extremely
gregarious and will talk to every single person there. If they take the
opportunity to talk to you when you arrive, then be grateful for the
fact that they’ve made the start of your day that much easier.
Otherwise, you’re going to have to take the initiative.
If you’re especially nervous, arrive at the
venue as early as possible. If you’re the
first to arrive, then just introduce yourself
to the next person along. If there are one
or two people who are there before you,
then you have a simple choice of who to
go and speak to. The fewer people there
are in the room when you arrive, the less
intimidated you will feel.
If the venue is already quite full when you
get there – don’t panic.
If it’s available, get a drink and familiarise
yourself with the environment. Then
decide who you are going to talk to. Any
of the following options will do just fine.

1) Look for a person sitting alone, anxiously sipping at their drink.
Congratulations, you’ve just found someone who is more anxious than
you are. You cannot begin to imagine how grateful they will be to the
person who walks over, introduces themselves and then sits down.
Under those conditions, there is no reason why you should feel
intimidated.
2) Look for a group of three or more people with little or no
conversation (two people alone may be deep in discussion but you
should be able to get a sense if the conversation is casual).
Walk over and say, ‘You don’t mind if I join you, do you?’. One of the
group will quickly indicate that this is ok and this is your cue to
introduce yourself to the group and shake some hands.
Try and quell your nerves sufficiently to pay attention and remember
their names (some events will provide everyone with name tags).
3) Look for a group of three or more people having an enthusiastic
discussion.
Depending on the circumstances, you can either ask if it’s ok to sit
down (as above), or simply sit quietly and listen to the conversation.
Once you have a handle on
what the conversation is about,
look for an opportunity to join
in. If you can’t think of
anything interesting to
contribute then identify the
person who is speaking the
most and, at a suitable juncture
in the conversation, ask a
relevant question. The
chatterbox will be thrilled at the opportunity to talk some more and
will likely be flattered that you’re interested in their opinion.
If an opportunity to introduce yourself to the group as a whole (or,
perhaps, just the person you’re sitting next to) presents itself – take it.

Widen Out
To make the event worthwhile, you need to speak to as many people
as possible.
If you find someone you feel comfortable chatting to early on, don’t
fall into the trap of focussing on that individual for the rest of the day.
By all means cultivate that friendship as it could easily develop into a
valuable business relationship, but force yourself to meet other people
as well.
When you move from the refreshment area to the main venue, or from
the main venue to the lunch room, make a point of sitting next to
someone you haven’t spoken to yet.
Conversation
This is the stumbling block for most people. The age of text
messages, emails, forums and chat rooms has killed the art of
conversation and the fear of awkward silences is common.
Here are a few tips for starting and maintaining a conversation.
Talking to someone you don’t know should, in theory, be the easiest
kind of conversation. Since you know virtually nothing about the
person, then there is an abundance of things you can ask about.
The mistake a lot of people make is thinking that conversation means
that you have to be able to say interesting things. In reality, the best
conversationalist is the one that takes a genuine interest in other
people.
After introducing yourself, simply ask a few questions designed to get
the other person talking. As long as your questions are friendly and
genuine (not an interrogation), most people will be pleased that
someone is interested in what they have to say.
For example:
 Whereabouts are you from?
 Have you had far to travel?
 Have you attended this event before?
 What kind of business/website do you have (key question)?

 What made you decide to attend?
 Which speaker are you most looking forward to?
Once you’ve got someone talking, listen carefully to what they have to
say and look for areas of common interest to expand the conversation.
For example, if you are both working on building your mailing list, this
is a good area to explore and about which to share ideas.
When people ask you about your business, figure out a way to
condense a description into 15-30 seconds. Practice it on someone
who doesn’t know about your business to make sure it is
understandable.
If the person is interested in what you do, they will ask questions;
otherwise avoid the temptation to go on and on (unless you want to be
labelled as a bore).
Save discussion about YOUR business for someone who is asking about
it. The person who asks you questions is GENUINELY interested in
what you do.
Otherwise you are far better using your time to find out what other
people are doing to see if there is some of kind mutual interest or
direction.
Even better, if there is something you can offer (as a favour, this is not
the place for practicing your sales pitch) that will help them get to
where they want to be, then this is a great opportunity to make a
friend.
When you do a favour for someone - no matter how small - the person
will likely be open to returning that favour (ie – perhaps accepting a JV
request), weeks or even months later.
Offering to help others at this juncture, is far more effective than
asking for a favour within minutes of meeting someone.

IM Myths De-Bunked
I would guess that, at least some of the above sounds incredibly
condescending. I mean, hey, you’re a human being, you know how to
talk, right?
So then what’s keeping you from attending an offline event?
It’s not price – Some workshops are free or just a few dollars to
attend.
It’s not travel – There’s a good chance that a networking event is
taking place in the next 12 months near to where you live and, even if
some travel is required, unless you’re house-bound, this shouldn’t be a
barrier.
It’s not anxiety – Unless you’re genuinely phobic, then you can
overcome your fears by assimilating the above.
So what is it?
Here are a few IM event myths that I’m pleased to de-bunk:
Myth: Everyone at the event is making a fortune and I can
barely cover my hosting bill. I’ll be a laughing stock.
Most people attending the event will have a day job and be building
their own business in the evening and on weekends. NO-ONE
worthwhile will look down on you because you’re still on your way up.
Actually, if you’re struggling to make any significant income, then you
are the person who is MOST LIKELY to benefit from attending an
event.
Myth: It’ll be a pitch-fest.
Most pitching takes place at the conclusion of a lecture and it certainly
doesn’t de-value the information you received leading up to it.
And if you think of it as a pitch, then you need to re-adjust your
thinking.

Change the word ‘pitch’ to ‘valuable products and resources, with
heavily discounted prices that I won’t get anywhere else’.
And no-one will force you to buy ANYTHING.
Myth: I won’t learn anything that I can’t learn for free
elsewhere.
Please, please, please get that RIDICULOUS perception out of your
head as soon as you can.
Some of the speakers save their most valuable nuggets of information
for seminars and much of it will have its maximum relevancy NOW. By
the time it’s filtered down to the free ezines and forums, it’ll be
watered down and lost among the mass of junk information.
By the time you hear it, even if you recognise its worth without a
speaker to show you specific examples and data, its efficacy may have
already been reduced.
And if you want to get the real marketing DIAMONDS, talk to the
speakers in-between sessions and especially in the evening. You
might just learn things that they’re not willing to reveal on the
internet, or even during a lecture.
Myth: It’ll be boring.
I’ve actually never heard someone make this excuse, but I put it in so
I could take the opportunity to point out that these events are
TREMENDOUS FUN.
The lectures are frequently lively and entertaining. The people are all
enthusiastic about IM and, perhaps for the first time in your life, you’ll
be able to talk enthusiastically about the industry without having to
stop and explain the words you’re using.
By the end of the event, your brain will be buzzing with new ideas and
new techniques you want to try.
I can virtually guarantee that you won’t be able to wait until the next
one.

Myth: I’ll be able to buy the seminar on DVD eventually
anyway.
The above two sections provide a suitable response to this myth, but I
will also add in the fact that watching from home takes away the
opportunity to NETWORK.
In case it hasn’t sunk in yet…
At least half of the value of an IM event is the opportunity to
network with other home business owners.
If you’re still resistant when it comes to IM events, then it’s probably
without good reason. In fact, if there is a good reason that I can’t
think of, then I’d love to hear it. You can email me at
david@thenettle.com.
If you can’t think of a reason, then it’s time to stop ‘thinking about it’
and just GO AND DO IT.
Ask around at your favourite forum and find a recommended event. If
possible, register NOW so you are committed to going – then make
your plans to attend.
Networking in the real world may seem like a nightmare now but, after
the event, you’ll wonder what you were worried about and why you
didn’t try it sooner.

Networking nightmares

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