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Chapter 6: Security Technology: Firewalls and VPNs
TRUE/FALSE
1. Firewalls can be categorized by processing mode, development era, or structure.
ANS: T PTS: 1 REF: 250
2. The firewall can often be deployed as a separate network containing a number of supporting devices.
3. Packet filtering firewalls scan network data packets looking for compliance with or violation of the
rules of the firewall’s database.
4. A packet’s structure is independent from the nature of the packet.
ANS: F PTS: 1 REF: 251
5. The ability to restrict a specific service is now considered standard in most routers and is invisible to
the user.
6. The application firewall runs special software that acts as a proxy for a service request.
7. A Web server is often exposed to higher levels of risk when placed in the DMZ than when it is placed
in the untrusted network.
8. Circuit gateway firewalls usually look at data traffic flowing between one network and another.
9. The Cisco security kernel contains three component technologies: the Interceptor/Packet Analyzer, the
Security Verification ENgine (SVEN), and Kernel Proxies.
10. Internal computers are always visible to the public network.
11. The SMC Barricade residential broadband router does not have an intrusion detection feature.

12. One method of protecting the residential user is to install a software firewall directly on the user’s
system.
13. There are limits to the level of configurability and protection that software firewalls can provide.
14. All organizations with an Internet connection have some form of a router at the boundary between the
organization’s internal networks and the external service provider.
15. The DMZ cannot be a dedicated port on the firewall device linking a single bastion host.
16. The screened subnet protects the DMZ systems and information from outside threats by providing a
network of intermediate security.
17. Good policy and practice dictates that each firewall device, whether a filtering router, bastion host, or
other firewall implementation, must have its own set of configuration rules.
ANS: T PTS: 1 REF: 267-268
18. Syntax errors in firewall policies are usually difficult to identify.
19. When Web services are offered outside the firewall, HTTP traffic should be blocked from internal
networks through the use of some form of proxy access or DMZ architecture.
20. Firewall Rule Set 1 states that responses to internal requests are not allowed.
21. Some firewalls can filter packets by protocol name.
22. It is important that e-mail traffic reach your e-mail server and only your e-mail server.
23. Though not used much in Windows environments, Telnet is still useful to systems administrators on
Unix/Linux systems.

24. A content filter is technically a firewall.
25. A content filter is essentially a set of scripts or programs that restricts user access to certain networking
protocols and Internet locations.
26. Internet connections via dial-up and leased lines are becoming more popular.
27. The Extended TACACS version uses dynamic passwords and incorporates two-factor authentication.
28. Even if Kerberos servers are subjected to denial-of-service attacks, a client can request additional
services.
29. A VPN allows a user to use the Internet into a private network.
30. On the client end, a user with Windows 2000 or XP can establish a VPN by configuring his or her
system to connect to a VPN server.
MODIFIED TRUE/FALSE
1. Access control is achieved by means of a combination of policies, programs, and technologies.
_________________________
2. The outside world is known as the trusted network (e.g., the Internet). _________________________
ANS: F, untrusted
PTS: 1 REF: 250
3. Address grants prohibit packets with certain addresses or partial addresses from passing through the
device. _________________________
ANS: F, restrictions
PTS: 1 REF: 251
4. Static filtering is common in network routers and gateways. _________________________

5. The static packet filtering firewall allows only a particular packet with a particular source, destination,
and port address to enter through the firewall. _________________________
ANS: F, dynamic
PTS: 1 REF: 253
6. Circuit gateway firewalls prevent direct connections between one network and another.
_________________________
7. First generation firewalls are application-level firewalls. _________________________
ANS: F, Second
PTS: 1 REF: 256
8. SOHO assigns non-routing local addresses to the computer systems in the local area network and uses
the single ISP-assigned address to communicate with the Internet. _________________________
ANS: F, NAT
PTS: 1 REF: 258
9. In addition to recording intrusion attempts, a(n) router can be configured to use the contact information
to notify the firewall administrator of the occurrence of an intrusion attempt.
_________________________
10. When a dual-homed host approach is used, the bastion host contains four NICs.
_________________________
ANS: F
two
2
PTS: 1 REF: 264
11. A benefit of a(n) dual-homed host is its ability to translate between many different protocols at their
respective data link layers, including Ethernet, token ring, Fiber Distributed Data Interface, and
asynchronous transfer mode. _________________________
12. In a DMZ configuration, connections into the trusted internal network are allowed only from the DMZ
bastion host servers. _________________________

13. A(n) perimeter is a segment of the DMZ where additional authentication and authorization controls are
put into place to provide services that are not available to the general public.
_________________________
ANS: F, extranet
PTS: 1 REF: 267
14. When Web services are offered outside the firewall, SMTP traffic should be blocked from internal
networks through the use of some form of proxy access or DMZ architecture.
_________________________
ANS: F, HTTP
PTS: 1 REF: 269
15. Most firewalls use packet header information to determine whether a specific packet should be
allowed to pass through or should be dropped. _________________________
16. Best practices in firewall rule set configuration state that the firewall device is never accessible directly
from the public network. _________________________
17. Traces, formally known as ICMP Echo requests, are used by internal systems administrators to ensure
that clients and servers can communicate. _________________________
ANS: F, Pings
PTS: 1 REF: 273
18. The presence of external requests for Telnet services can indicate a potential attack.
_________________________
19. In order to keep the Web server inside the internal network, direct all HTTP requests to the proxy
server and configure the internal filtering router/firewall only to allow the proxy server to access the
internal Web server. _________________________
20. The filtering component of a content filter is like a set of firewall rules for Web sites, and is common
in residential content filters. _________________________
ANS: F, rating
PTS: 1 REF: 277
21. An attacker who suspects that an organization has dial-up lines can use a device called a(n) war dialer
to locate the connection points. _________________________

22. Kerberos uses asymmetric key encryption to validate an individual user to various network resources.
_________________________
ANS: F, symmetric
PTS: 1 REF: 279-280
23. SESAME may be obtained free of charge from MIT. _________________________
ANS: F, Kerberos
PTS: 1 REF: 280
24. Secure VPNs use security protocols and encrypt traffic transmitted across unsecured public networks
like the Internet. _________________________
25. The popular use for tunnel mode VPNs is the end-to-end transport of encrypted data.
_________________________
ANS: F, transport
PTS: 1 REF: 283
MULTIPLE CHOICE
1. Firewalls fall into ____ major processing-mode categories.
a. two c. four
b. three d. five
ANS: D PTS: 1 REF: 250
2. ____ firewalls examine every incoming packet header and can selectively filter packets based on
header information such as destination address, source address, packet type, and other key information.
a. Packet-filtering c. Circuit gateways
b. Application gateways d. MAC layer firewalls
ANS: A PTS: 1 REF: 250
3. The restrictions most commonly implemented in packet-filtering firewalls are based on ____.
a. IP source and destination address
b. Direction (inbound or outbound)
c. TCP or UDP source and destination port requests
d. All of the above
4. ____ filtering requires that the filtering rules governing how the firewall decides which packets are
allowed and which are denied be developed and installed with the firewall.
a. Dynamic c. Stateful
b. Static d. Stateless

ANS: B PTS: 1 REF: 253
5. A ____ filtering firewall can react to an emergent event and update or create rules to deal with the
event.
a. dynamic c. stateful
b. static d. stateless
6. ____ inspection firewalls keep track of each network connection between internal and external
systems.
a. Static c. Stateful
b. Dynamic d. Stateless
ANS: C PTS: 1 REF: 253
7. The application gateway is also known as a(n) ____.
a. application-level firewall c. proxy firewall
b. client firewall d. All of the above
8. The proxy server is often placed in an unsecured area of the network or is placed in the ____ zone.
a. fully trusted c. demilitarized
b. hot d. cold
ANS: C PTS: 1 REF: 254
9. The ____ is an intermediate area between a trusted network and an untrusted network.
a. perimeter c. domain
b. DMZ d. firewall
10. ____ firewalls are designed to operate at the media access control sublayer of the data link layer of the
OSI network model.
a. MAC layer c. Application gateways
b. Circuit gateway d. Packet filtering
11. In recent years, the broadband router devices that can function as packet-filtering firewalls have been
enhanced to combine the features of ____.
a. UDPs c. WANs
b. MACs d. WAPs
12. Since the bastion host stands as a sole defender on the network perimeter, it is commonly referred to as
the ____ host.
a. trusted c. single
b. domain d. sacrificial
13. The dominant architecture used to secure network access today is the ____ firewall.

a. static c. unlimited
b. bastion d. screened subnet
14. ____ is the protocol for handling TCP traffic through a proxy server.
a. SOCKS c. FTP
b. HTTPS d. Telnet
15. Telnet protocol packets usually go to TCP port ____.
a. 7 c. 14
b. 8 d. 23
16. ICMP uses port ____ to request a response to a query and can be the first indicator of a malicious
attack.
a. 4 c. 8
b. 7 d. 48
17. In most common implementation models, the content filter has two components: ____.
a. encryption and decryption c. rating and decryption
b. filtering and encoding d. rating and filtering
18. ____ and TACACS are systems that authenticate the credentials of users who are trying to access an
organization’s network via a dial-up connection.
a. RADIUS c. TUNMAN
b. RADIAL d. IPSEC
19. Which of the following is a valid version of TACACS?
a. TACACS c. TACACS+
b. Extended TACACS d. All of the above
20. ____ generates and issues session keys in Kerberos.
a. VPN c. AS
b. KDC d. TGS
21. Kerberos ____ provides tickets to clients who request services.
a. KDS c. AS
b. TGS d. VPN
22. In SESAME, the user is first authenticated to an authentication server and receives a token. The token
is then presented to a privilege attribute server as proof of identity to gain a(n) ____.

a. VPN c. ticket
b. ECMA d. PAC
ANS: D PTS: 1 REF: 280-281
23. A(n) ____ is “a private data network that makes use of the public telecommunication infrastructure,
maintaining privacy through the use of a tunneling protocol and security procedures.”
a. SVPN c. SESAME
b. VPN d. KERBES
24. In ____ mode, the data within an IP packet is encrypted, but the header information is not.
a. tunnel c. public
b. transport d. symmetric
25. ISA Server can use ____ technology.
a. PNP c. RAS
b. Point to Point Tunneling Protocol d. All of the above
ANS: B PTS: 1 REF: 284-285
COMPLETION
1. A(n) ____________________ is an information security program that prevents specific types of
information from moving between the outside world and the inside world.
ANS: firewall
PTS: 1 REF: 250
2. A packet-____________________ firewall installed on a TCP/IP based network typically functions at
the IP level and determines whether to drop a packet (deny) or forward it to the next network
connection (allow) based on the rules programmed into the firewall.
ANS: filtering
PTS: 1 REF: 250
3. Simple firewall models enforce address ____________________, which are rules designed to prohibit
packets with certain addresses or partial addresses from passing through the device.
ANS: restrictions
PTS: 1 REF: 251
4. The ____________________ packet-filtering firewall allows only a particular packet with a particular
source, destination, and port address to enter through the firewall.
ANS: dynamic
PTS: 1 REF: 253

5. The application firewall is also known as a(n) ____________________ server.
ANS: proxy
PTS: 1 REF: 254
6. The circuit gateway firewall operates at the ____________________ layer.
ANS: transport
PTS: 1 REF: 255
7. ____________________ firewalls combine the elements of other types of firewalls — that is, the
elements of packet filtering and proxy services, or of packet filtering and circuit gateways.
ANS: Hybrid
PTS: 1 REF: 256
8. The fifth generation firewalls include the ____________________ proxy, a specialized form that
works under Windows NT Executive, which is the kernel of Windows NT.
ANS: kernel
PTS: 1 REF: 256
9. Since the bastion host stands as a sole defender on the network perimeter, it is commonly referred to as
the ____________________ host.
ANS: sacrificial
PTS: 1 REF: 264
10. The architecture of a(n) ____________________ firewall provides a DMZ.
ANS: screened subnet
PTS: 1 REF: 266
11. The general approach of the ____________________ protocol is to place the filtering requirements on
the individual workstation rather than on a single point of defense (and thus point of failure).
ANS: SOCKS
PTS: 1 REF: 267
12. The firewall device is never accessible directly from the ____________________ network.
ANS:
public
untrusted
PTS: 1 REF: 271

13. ____________________ (terminal emulation) access to all internal servers from the public networks
should be blocked.
ANS: Telnet
PTS: 1 REF: 273
14. A(n) ____________________ filter is a software filter — technically not a firewall — that allows
administrators to restrict access to content from within a network.
ANS: content
PTS: 1 REF: 277
15. Content filters are often called ____________________ firewalls.
ANS: reverse
PTS: 1 REF: 277
16. A(n) ____________________ dialer is an automatic phone-dialing program that dials every number in
a configured range, and checks to see if a person, answering machine, or modem picks up.
ANS: war
PTS: 1 REF: 278
17. The Remote ____________________ Dial-In User Service system centralizes the management of user
authentication by placing the responsibility for authenticating each user in the central RADIUS server.
ANS: Authentication
PTS: 1 REF: 278-279
18. The ____________________ Access Controller Access Control System contains a centralized
database, and it validates the user’s credentials at this TACACS server.
ANS: Terminal
PTS: 1 REF: 279
19. The ____________________ authentication system is named after the three-headed dog of Greek
mythology, that guards the gates to the underworld.
ANS: Kerberos
PTS: 1 REF: 279-280
20. In Kerberos, a(n) ____________________ is an identification card for a particular client that verifies
to the server that the client is requesting services and that the client is a valid member of the Kerberos
system and therefore authorized to receive services.
ANS: ticket

PTS: 1 REF: 280
21. The Secure European System for Applications in a(n) ____________________ Environment is the
result of a European research and development project partly funded by the European Commission.
ANS: Multivendor
PTS: 1 REF: 280
22. A(n) ____________________ private network is a private and secure network connection between
systems that uses the data communication capability of an unsecured and public network.
ANS: virtual
PTS: 1 REF: 282
23. SESAME uses ____________________ key encryption to distribute secret keys.
ANS: public
PTS: 1 REF: 282
24. A trusted VPN is also known as a(n) ____________________ VPN.
ANS: legacy
PTS: 1 REF: 282
25. In ____________________ mode, the organization establishes two perimeter tunnel servers.
ANS: tunnel
PTS: 1 REF: 283
ESSAY
1. Briefly describe the seven best practices rules for firewall use.
ANS:
1. All traffic from the trusted network is allowed out.
2. The firewall device is never directly accessible from the public network for configuration or
management purposes.
3. Simple Mail Transport Protocol (SMTP) data is allowed to pass through the firewall, but it should
all be routed to a well-configured SMTP gateway to filter and route messaging traffic securely.
4. All Internet Control Message Protocol (ICMP) data should be denied.
5. Telnet (terminal emulation) access to all internal servers from the public networks should be
blocked.
6. When Web services are offered outside the firewall, HTTP traffic should be denied from reaching
your internal networks through the use of some form of proxy access or DMZ architecture.
7. All data that is not verifiably authentic should be denied.
PTS: 1 REF: 268-269

2. List and describe the three interacting services of the Kerberos system.
ANS:
Kerberos consists of three interacting services, all of which use a database library:
1. Authentication server (AS), which is a Kerberos server that authenticates clients and servers.
2. Key Distribution Center (KDC), which generates and issues session keys.
3. Kerberos ticket granting service (TGS), which provides tickets to clients who request services. In
Kerberos a ticket is an identification card for a particular client that verifies to the server that the client
is requesting services and that the client is a valid member of the Kerberos system and therefore
authorized to receive services. The ticket consists of the client’s name and network address, a ticket
validation starting and ending time, and the session key, all encrypted in the private key of the server
from which the client is requesting services.
PTS: 1 REF: 280
3. What must a VPN that proposes to offer a secure and reliable capability while relying on public
networks accomplish?
ANS:
- Encapsulation of incoming and outgoing data, wherein the native protocol of the client is embedded
within the frames of a protocol that can be routed over the public network as well as be usable by the
server network environment.
- Encryption of incoming and outgoing data to keep the data contents private while in transit over the
public network but usable by the client and server computers and/or the local networks on both ends of
the VPN connection.
- Authentication of the remote computer and, perhaps, the remote user as well. Authentication and the
subsequent authorization of the user to perform specific actions are predicated on accurate and reliable
identification of the remote system and/or user.
PTS: 1 REF: 282

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content Scribd suggests to you:

The Land of Gee and Haw
By Ted Lattourette Hansford.

I have a home I’m not ashamed of,
In the land of Gee and Haw,
Where Jeff Davis found a pile of rocks
And called it Arkansaw.
And I am going back to Flatrock,
Where the cornfed people stay,
And they make a little moonshine
Just to pass the time away.
I can see old Hank and Silas,
A firing up the drum
To run a drink that’s guaranteed
To put sorrow on the bum.
It glistens like the dewdrops,
At the dawn of early morn,
And you can smell the boys’ feet
That plowed the yaller corn.
It fills your heart with gratitude,
And keeps you feeling fine,
Like everybody was owin’ you
And you didn’t need a dime.
’Tis the land where satisfaction,
Peace, love and feuds reside,
And the farms they sit up edgeways;
You can farm on either side.
Where they dance from dark till daylight,
Calling swing, and balance all;
With the fiddler full o’ pine top,
Playing Turkey in The Straw.
When you read these lines, yours truly
Will be there for evermore,
Wading through the moonshine,
Singing Sailor on The Shore.
And my address, should you want me,
Will be Flatrock, Arkansaw;
Care o’ Wildcat Hiram Johnson,
In the Land of Gee and Haw

In the Land of Gee and Haw.
* * *
Ten Years on the Islands
Ten years on the Islands,
And you’re mad;
Not a spark of decency—
Oh! it’s sad;
Can’t recall one sober day,
That you’ve had;
You’ve let the tropics get you,
And you’re bad.
And you fell,
Hardly conscious of surrender,
To the spell;
You’re eaten up with leprosy,
Traders tell,
You’re a comber of the beaches—
Gone to hell.
It’s too long,
To preserve one’s sense of right,
And of wrong,
The tropic’s spell is gentle,
But it’s strong,
It feeds the soul on lotus,
Till it’s gone.
* * *
Spoiled Girl

When you are awfully cross to me
I pout, and pout, and pout,
My lip goes down, my eyes get big
And then my tears come out.
When you are awfully good to me
I smile, and smile, and smile,
So if you like sun more than rain
Try being good awhile.
* * *
Great Gawsch!
“Hang it all, daughter,” exploded old Jenkins. “You can’t marry
young Dobbins, I won’t have it. Why he only makes eighteen dollars
a week.”
“I know father,” replied the sweet young thing, “but a week passes
so quickly when you are fond of each other.”
* * *
Hot Dog!
It doesn’t extinguish the conflagration in a man’s burning brain
when a pretty girl turns her hose on him.
* * *
How to Get Tips
Smith Dalrymple tells this one: When I was in Bartlesville I went
into a lady barber shop to get shaved. That was the first female joint
I ever saw. When I went in the barber was sitting on a fellow’s lap.

She jumped up and said, “You’re next.”
I said, “I know it and I know who I am next to.”
She said, “Do you want a close shave?”
I said, “No, I just had one, my wife passed the window and didn’t
look in.”
I gave her a quarter, she handed me back ten cents and before I
thought where I was I said, “Put it in the piano.”
* * *
Those Flivvers Again
We heard a couple talking in the rear of a machine ahead of us.
The man sighed, “Oh, dearest, you never have acted this way
before. Always you have been cold towards me and now you’re—”
So I put on my brakes and pulled my radiator away from the back
of their machine.
* * *
Someone’s Inhaling Ether
(From the Chicago Tribune)
“She had those wide blue eyes whose expression can be misleading in their
infantile pathos; hair fine and shining like gossamer gold; a complexion firm and
white, with the barest breath of rose leaf pink on the cheek bones, and the whole
of her was small, neat, rounded.”
* * *
Just Like the Army

The prosy old parson was coming and his hostess carefully drilled
her daughter to answer the string of questions he always asked
every little girl: (1) “What is your name?” (2) “How old are you?” (3)
“Are you a good little girl?” (4) “Do you know where bad little girls
go?”
But the little girl was overtrained and when the reverend visitor
began by asking her her name, she spilled all the answers at once in
a single breath.
“Dorothy, sir; six years old, sir; yes, sir; go to hell, sir.”
* * *
Blank Verse
Dear Captain Billy,
I am full of regrets,
Because the other night
I set out to find the gold
At the end of the rainbow.
And all that I saw was
“The Gold Diggers.”
Ain’t that always the way
In Boston?
* * *
Sneeze Hearty
“I rise to propose a little toast,” announced the president of the
Hay Fever Club.
“What is it?”
“Here’s looking at—choo!”

Principles of Information Security 4th Edition Whitman Test Bank

I
I
’T
Hollywood Flirtations
t is rumored around filmland that handsome (?) “Bull” Montana
is shortly to be married. Doug Fairbanks, in lowbrow days
before he married Mary, used to pal around with “Bull” and
other ringside favorites, but ’tis said Mary ruled against Bull as
being “declasse.”
* * *
t will be remembered that Viola Dana was a very close friend of
Orma Locklear, the famous aviator, who was killed about a year
ago. A few months later, she was often seen with Earl
Daugherty, also a well known aviator, who maintains one of the
finest flying fields in Southern California. Now Earl and Viola are
never seen together. What happened, Viola?
* * *
is said on “Elinor Glyn Night” at the Ambassador Cocoanut
Grove, our visiting English authoress ate her entire supper
without once removing her long white gloves. Those were
“great moments” when the olives, corn and asparagus
came on! Elinor was again accompanied by that tall,
youngish actor, Dana Todd. Hollywood has been undergoing mental
confusion all summer as to whether Dana was in love with Gloria
Swanson or Elinor or merely a protege protector of both ladies when
they took their evenings out.
* * *

L
M
T
R
ois Wilson, Lasky star, has a brand new Chicago millionaire
beau who seems to be quite serious in his intentions. Mildred
Harris, who has also been playing over at the Lasky lot of late,
is favoring a millionaire of brunette hue.
* * *
abel Normand went off on a farm in Vermont last winter
and drank milk until she could again ask her friends how
one could lose weight. Just now, a distinguished looking
gentleman with gray hair is trotting Mabel about to the
dance emporiums.
* * *
Bessie Love is often seen at the cafes, but almost always with
“mama.” Lost your hunting license, Bessie?
* * *
he other evening when Clara Kimball Young stepped out with
Harry Garson wearing a whole photoplay worth of ermine and
diamonds, a very embarrassing thing happened. They danced
of course, but in one of those floor jams, Clara suddenly
found her lovely head parked on the shoulder of her ex-
spouse, Jimmy Young. Gallant to the end, Jimmy appeared not to
notice—but when the next dance began, Jimmy sat it out with his
partner at one end of the ball-room while Clara feigned weariness at
the other end!
* * *
uth Renick, film star, is in love with an unknown hero. While
horseback riding the other day, she hurt her ankle and went
into a drug store for aid. Then she grew faint and fell right
over into the arms of a handsome stranger. He vanished

Y
B
E
when she woke up and that ends the story. Ruth and “we all” are
hoping for developments.
* * *
Roy Stewart has been riding horseback of late with Miss Stanley
Partridge, a young Los Angeles society girl.
* * *
Walter Morosco and Betty Compson are often seen stepping about
together.
* * *
es, we admit that this item should have headline position. ’Tis
true that Mr. and Mrs. Wallace MacDonald (Doris May), took a
second-run honeymoon over at Catalina.
* * *
ill Desmond and his own wife, Mary McIvor, often step out
together and dance together all evening—because they like it.
This same state of affairs exists with the Wesley Ruggles and
Conrad Nagles as well as in the Bryant Washburn household.
* * *
velyn Nesbit, formerly Mrs. Harry K. Thaw, recently caused
the arrest of four men on charges of disorderly conduct. She
complained they entered the hallway outside of her
apartment and that one seized her by the shoulders and
made an insulting remark. The complainant said she knew
none of the men. At the station house Miss Nesbit said that the men
fled in a taxicab when she ran to the street yelling “fire” and calling

for the police. The quartet returned later and encountered two
policemen.
* * *
Can We Forgive Him?
The London Post reports the following—
There was fighting in the fo’c’sle; and the aggressor, a hard-faced,
hard-fisted sailor man from Rotherhithe, was called upon to explain.
“That square-headed Swede miscalled me,” he bellowed. “He said
I was an Irishman, and I’m not. Me mother was a good Mexican lady
and me father was two marines from Chatham!”
The explanation cordially accepted.
* * *
Pithole Filosophy
One time I got mad at a sassy kid; I said, “There is enough brass
in your face to make a large kettle.”
He said “Yes, and there’s enough sap in your head to fill it.”
* * *
The Wails of a Wolstead Wictim
Oh to spend “jack” like a Jackass; to have the “hips” of a hippo;
the neck of a giraffe; the thirst of a camel and the “jag” of a jaguar.
* * *
Giving Him Fair Warning

She—“What are you thinking about?”
He—“Just what you’re thinking about.”
She—“If you do, I’ll scream.”—Phoenix.
* * *
The Way of a Lad With a Lass
He—“Hu-nnnh?”
She—“Nu’unnnh.”
He—“Please.”
She—“I told you NO!”
He—“Hu’nnnnnnh?”
She—“Nu’unnnnnnh.”
He—“Huu’n n n n n nh?”
She—“Nu—Unnnnnnn’huh.”
Smack!
* * *
Modern Literature
She nestled against the two strong arms that held her. She
pressed her flushed cheek against the smooth skin-so near-so tan-so
glowing.
“How handsome!” she cried, her eyes noting the fine straight
back, the sturdy, well-shaped legs.
“How handsome!” she repeated. “I adore a leather upholstered
chair.”

* * *
Flapper Blues
Ain’t no use of living, nothing gained,
Ain’t no use of eating just pain,
Ain’t no use of kissing he’ll tell,
Ain’t no use of nothing, Oh, well.
* * *
Djever Hear This One?
An Englishman bragged that he was once mistaken for Lloyd
George. The American boasted that he had been taken for President
Wilson.
Paddy said he had them all beat.
“A fellow walked up to me and tapped me on the shoulder and
said ‘Great God, is that you?’”
* * *
Pink Pills for Pale People
Lydia Pinkham recently received a love letter from the vegetable
compound magnate reading as follows, our correspondents report:
“Do you carrot all for me? My bleeding heart beets for you. My love is as soft as
a squash, but as strong as an onion. You are a peach with your radish hair and
turnip nose. Your cherry lips and forget-me-not eyes call me. You are the apple of
my eye, and if we canteloupe lettuce marry for I am sure we would make a happy
pear.”
* * *

Lovely Calves We’re Having!
“Oh see the darling little cow-lets!”
“Miss, those are not cow-lets, they’re bull-ets.”

Pasture Pot Pourri
The other day a stranger walked up and asked me if I was a doctor. I informed
him that I wasn’t, but that I thought I knew where he could get some.
* * *
Some women get red in the face from modesty, some from anger,
and some from the druggist.
* * *
Pour Her Back Into the Ocean
She wiggled, she waddled,
She leapt and she toddled;
She shivered, she quivered, she shook.
She rippled, she trippled,
She sprang and she skippled—
Her dance was “The Song of the Brook.”
* * *
The Song of a Sailor
“There’s just one Gal in Galveston, but there’s More in
Baltimore.”
* * *
I went into a restaurant. I said, “Have you got anything fit for a hog to eat?”

He said, “Yes, what do you want?”
* * *
When a married man gets his hair cut, his wife loses her strongest
hold on him.
* * *
The barber has a scraping acquaintance with a great many people.
* * *
Essence of Sweet Peas
“The mean old thing wouldn’t lettuce.”
“Can we take a little spin-ach?”
“No, I’ll see my car-rot first.”
* * *
There is something mysteriously attractive about all mysteries—
except hash.
* * *
A request has come from a Philadelphia reader that all our
jokes be written on tissue paper so that he can see through
them.
* * *
May Have Better Luck
(From Sedalia Correspondence of Rogers Democrat)

Mrs. Albert Evans didn’t have good luck with her incubator. She had
only thirty little chicks, but she is undaunted and she is setting again.
* * *
Mary wears her new short skirt,
Cut just about in half;
Who cares a slam ’bout Mary’s lamb,
Now we can see her calf?
* * *
The woman with a past is always glad to see a man with a
present.
* * *
The Latest Song “Hit”
By A. Balland Batt.
“When the Baseball season starts, Sweetheart, I’ll be running
home to you.”
* * *
Miss Marrietta Nutt will now render the latest “catch”.
“The toy shop business is booming since they show their
Teddy bears.”
* * *
We Expect a Free Can For This!
I saw a girl the other day who was so bashful she asked for a lady clerk when
she wanted to buy some Arbuckle’s coffee.

* * *
The Happy Ham
All smokers are inveterate;
Their vice becomes inured,
Only a ham can smoke and smoke,
And smoking still be cured.
* * *
I kicked a mongrel cur,
He uttered a mournful wail.
Where did I kick him, Sir?
Ah! Thereby hangs a tail.
* * *
The most disgusting sight in the world is to see another
fellow in an automobile with your best girl.
* * *
The old inhabitant says, “I kin remember when a young lady
passed you, you always could hear the rustle of stiffly starched
skirts.”
* * *
Naughty Egg

I wish I was a crow’s egg
As bad as bad can be,
All cuddled up in a little nest
Way up in a big tree.
And when a grinning little boy
Looked up at me in glee,
I’d bust my naughty little self
And sprinkle him with me.
* * *
The Diamond Queen
Now on one hand she has an immense fortune and on the other hand she has
warts.
* * *
When a girl casts her bread upon the waters, she expects it to
come back in the shape of a wedding cake.
* * *
One of the season’s popular football rooters’ song is that
old familiar ballad “After the Ball.”
* * *
The Hootch Hound’s Lament
It’s easy to stay two-thirds pickled all day,
Get drunk and sleep out in the yard,
But to put in a night without one drink in sight;
It’s the getting back sober that’s hard.

* * *
Love is a hallucination that makes an otherwise sane man believe
he can set up housekeeping on a gas stove and a canary bird.
* * *
St. Paul Blues
When I’m dead bury me deep,
Bury me in the middle of St. Peter street;
Put my hands across my chest
And tell the girls I’ve gone to rest.
* * *
“What a curve,” said the garter, as it came around the last
stretch.
* * *
Many a girl who never had her ears pierced has frequently had
them bored.

M
A
Movie Hot Stuff
rs. Juanita M. Cohen has filed a heart-balm suit for $50,000
against Jackie Saunders for the loss of the love and
affection of J. Warde Cohen, her husband. Jackie affirms
that Mr. Cohen has no love for his wife and that no pretty
stranger can steal anything which doesn’t exist. Jackie and
her lawyers cite several scenes that have taken place between the
Cohens, all to prove that the little God Eros was not about. Rather a
clever way to turn the matter about, Jackie!
* * *
t several recent parties and dinners attended by film stars
and given since the Arbuckle affair has been disclosed, the
picture people have not refused cocktails or wine offered by
the host. The picture people have been drinking their
cocktails with a bit of defiance as if to show the world that
“there are plenty of us who can drink with moderation and do
nothing to hurt our neighbor or disgrace the community.”
Before prohibition made such conditions imperative, all of us might
have thought the party a bit too free and careless if drinks were
served in hotel bedrooms and prelude parties to hotel dinners given
on the upper floors. For those who still believe in the free rights of
the individual, hotel bedroom drinking is the only kind allowed by
law. Perhaps if the Arbuckle party had been allowed to order their
drinks in a hotel lobby or tea-room, the tragedy of Miss Rappe’s
death would never have occurred.
At any rate, let it be said that at two large dinner parties given
since the Arbuckle affair, the film people drank with decorum and

T
H
several Pasadena and Los Angeles millionaire society men were the
ones laid out to “rest and recuperate!”
Another party planned to take place on a yacht equipped with
“orchid and rose suites,” promising to border on the near dangerous,
was declined by a number of prominent Hollywood stars. The party
took place without the film folk, there being plenty of fast folk in the
society set to attend who had no professional reputation to protect.
* * *
he divorce case of the Charles Kenyons developed into an
Alphonse and Gaston affair. Charlie Kenyon is the author of
the successful play “Kindling” and has written many
photoplays for the Fox and Goldwyn studios at which he has
been employed.
During the hotly contested divorce suit, both accused the other of
desertion. Mrs. Kenyon testified that when her husband came home
late at night and she upbraided him concerning the matter, he said
he would have to live his own life and if he couldn’t live it there, he
would have to go somewhere else. Therefore, Kenyon deserted.
Kenyon, on the other hand, said that his wife deserted him
because her actions and treatment of him made going away the only
possibly manly act. Quite a paradox for you isn’t it, Judge?
Mrs. Kenyon has previously divorced two husbands. It is said that
Kenyon remained a bachelor several years while he waited for the
present Mrs. Kenyon to free herself from her last husband and marry
him.
* * *
H. Waters, scenario writer, was found clad only in a suit of
pajamas, the other morning just outside the Hollywood
Hotel. He was unconscious and bleeding profusely. The
names of the other picture folk who attended the party have
been kept under cover.

O
W
* * *
ur Guv’ment’s too annoying! The whole blasted Pacific fleet
has been back in Los Angeles harbor since September
without a movie guest aboard! You see there’s some sort of
a board of inspection from Washington going over the nuts
and bolts, and its been considered tactful to keep the milk
on the table and cover the Victrola!
* * *
hile Doug and Mary were recovering from a tremendous
ovation in London and were receiving a similar welcome in
Gay Paree, Charlie Chaplin native Englishman, was being
slapped by the press of his native land. The London Post,
for example, says this:
“Charlie Chaplin was good enough to remark on the sadness of
the faces of the Londoners he met in his walks. Well, we went
through a bit of a war while Charlie was in Los Angeles.”
* * *
Going, Going, Gone!
When the rye is in the meadow
And the corn is in the shock
And your cellar’s dry as powder
And your diamonds all in hock,
When the gin is all in Holland
And the home brew knocked sky-high
Oh, tell me Captain Billy
When the milk weed’s going dry.
* * *

How to Get the Cash
“Bonuses for Babies”
Is all the cry In France;
And so the largest families
Will get the biggest chance;
But where’s the money coming from?
French Law for laughter bids
By taxing all the bachelors
For other people’s kids!
* * *
The nox was lit by the lux of Luna,
It was a nox most opportuna,
To catch a possum or a coona.
The nix was scattered o’er the Mundus,
A shallow nix et non profundus.
* * *
The undertaker is always able to put up a stiff argument.

Classified Ads
The Colonel Knows His Cat
(From San Antonio Express.)
Reward—Lost, Boston female, 8 months old, 12 lbs., mahogany
brindle, screw tail, white chest, back of neck and blazed face. Col. M. L.
Crimmins, 106 Groveland Place.
* * *
Why, Mabel!
(From St. Louis Post-Dispatch.)
Miss Mabel Wilber, in the leading soprano role of Daisy the Barmaid,
later Little Boy Blue, sang well and wore several masculine costumes
which showed her versatility.
* * *
A Warm Proposition
(San Francisco Chronicle.)
Young man, 28, wishes the acquaintance of a lonely, stout lady; object
mat. Box 500, Chronicle Branch, San Jose.
* * *
Hand In Hand

(From the Bald Knob, Ark., Eagle.)
A jolly bunch of our young people went on a kodaking expedition
Sunday that resulted in many exposures and a very enjoyable time.
* * *
Like Dimples, They Come High
(From the Graceville, Minn., Enterprise.)
Born—To Mr. and Mrs. G. C. Heimann, Sunday, August 7th, a son.
You can get one this month only for $40.00. See Chris. Nelson, The
Tailor.
* * *
The timid girl appreciates the sympathy that makes a man feel for
her in the dark.
* * *
Bargain Day
The late Cy Warman, who deserted railway literature for a real
railway job in Montreal, told this story at a luncheon not long before
his death:
A Scotchman came upon an automobile overturned at a railway
crossing. Beside it lay a man all smashed up.
“Get a doctor,” he moaned.
“Did the train hit you?” asked the Scotchman.
“Yes, yes; get a doctor.”
“Has the claim agent been here yet?”
“No, no; please get a doctor.”

“Move over, you,” said the Scot, “till I lie down beside you.”
* * *
A Letter in Meter
There are meters of accent,
There are meters of tone,
But the best way to meet her
Is to meter alone.
There are letters of accent
There are letters of tone,
But the best way to letter
Is to letter alone.
* * *
Page the Weather Boy!
The fancy display in hosiery on a rainy day affects a man’s eyes to
such an extent that he is always anxious to see it clear up.
* * *
Playing with loaded dice is shaky business at best.
* * *
Ain’t It the Truth?
It usually takes a St. Patrick’s Day parade longer to pass a
bootlegging joint than any other point on the line of march.
* * *

The High Cost of Babies
The following is an original advertisement appearing in the
Genesee (Idaho) News:
Eight Months’ Warning.
After October 1st, all babies C. O. D.
W. H. Ehlen, M. D.
H. Rouse, M. D.
* * *
The Tattlers
Age and her little brother will always tell on a girl.
* * *
They nicknamed the baby Steamboat because they used a paddle
behind.
* * *
A little boy wrote a composition on man and he said it was a
person split half way up and who walks on the split end.
* * *
Something to Worry About
The pulse of Napoleon is said to have made only 50 beats a
minute.
* * *

According to new regulations in the British army, each soldier in barracks is
allowed 600 cubic feet of air space, and if the diet of the British soldier is the same
as that of the Yank, the 600 feet is none too much.

Our Rural Mail Box
Dorothy—Your friend has been spoofing you. Beware of freak
poker games. If you want to bet, cross the line to Tiajuana.
* * *
George—Stick ’em under the mattress to crease ’em but don’t
have the baby in bed.
* * *
Stock Clerk—There is only one sure way of making money
following the ponies.
* * *
Madame Bozo—Stout women should not wear tight waists. Sizes
up to 48 bust in basement.
* * *
Howsitt Pheal—You won’t mind wearing amber glasses in the
Islands, Howsitt, you’ll get color blind anyhow.
* * *
Dottie—When he begins by saying, “Little girl, I’m old enough to
be your father”—well, look out!
* * *

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