Ref mentoring snapshot log 7

REF Mentoring Snapshots

From: YL Yee [mailto:ylyee@pc.jaring.my]
Sent: Wednesday, April 20, 2011 1:40 PM

Dear Mentors,

In an effort to keep everyone better informed and to provide good mentoring to our students,
the REF will from time to time provide short write-ups on matters related to our mentoring
programme. These “snapshots” will take no more than a 5-minute read. We hope that you will
make the time for this.

Regards,
YL Yee
Here’s the first one…

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20110420
Did you know that the objectives of the REF are:

1. Assist underprivileged 15-19 year old students (“the students”), by providing financial
assistance and personal educational support, e.g. mentoring and training courses.
2. Assist the students to stay in full time education; improve their grades; make
appropriate career/tertiary education choices and provide them with access to
appropriate “life skills” training opportunities.
3. Provide the students and their families with a network of opportunities and contacts so
as to expose the students to a range of career choices that they may not otherwise be
exposed in order to assess future opportunities properly.
4. Develop the students to their full potential by “being the best they can be”.
5. Nurture the students into good citizens who will make a useful contribution to society
and who will in time involve themselves in activities for the betterment of their
communities.

For more information on the background of the REF please see the enclosed attachment
“REF Mission and Objectives" and keep a copy of it in your mentor file.

Sent: Friday, April 22, 2011 3:11 PM

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20110422
What Is My Role as a Mentor?
It seems simple at first, the notion of being a mentor: someone who spends time with a young
person. But once you are in the mentor role, you may find yourself in situations where you are
uncertain about your part in the relationship. Is it appropriate to provide discipline when she’s
out of line? What if I suspect he is experiencing trouble at home—what is my responsibility?
How can I have the most positive impact on my mentee? There is no one answer concerning
what your role is or is not.
PAUSE AND REFLECT: Clarifying your role as a mentor. Ask yourself,
1. What role does the REF expect me to play as a mentor?
2. What role do I expect to play as a mentor?
3. What role do I think my mentee will expect me to play as a mentor?
4. What are some possible role conflicts and what do I think might be done to resolve
these conflicts?

Rotary Club of Bukit Kiara Sunrise

Sent: Thursday, April 28, 2011 9:59 AM
Subject: REF Mentoring Snapshot - Journaling

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20110428
What is a journal?
Writing and keeping a journal holds the possibility of deepening our self-
understanding, and to making added sense of our lives and what we believe. It can
also help us to entertain, contain and channel troubling emotions and gain
perspective. We may also develop a greater awareness of daily life; become more
alive to what is happening to, and around, us in the daily round. At a practical
level, writing and keeping a journal can both help us with administrative tasks (like
reporting what happened, when and why) and with the process of setting goals
and managing our time and priorities.
Enclosed herewith is a set of slides which you, as a mentor, can share with your mentee on
“Writing and Keeping a Journal”. Make a copy for him/her.

Sent: Tuesday, May 03, 2011 4:09 PM
To: ylyee@pc.jaring.my
Subject: REF Mentoring Snapshot - Mentoring is Serious Business

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20110503
Mentoring is Serious Business

The mentee must enter the
relationship with the profound
humility of the novice seeking
wisdom, while the mentor must
enter with the even profounder
humility of the sage who knows how
truly little he or she knows. When
one teaches, two learn.

Mentoring is serious business. It requires self-knowledge and conviction. If you
can’t do anything except to just listen, you are already a good mentor. But if
you are going to give advice, be careful. You are handling a young and
impressionable mind. Don’t take things too lightly. You can do it, but know your
limitations. Be mindful and be humble that you may not have the answers, so
listen first. It’s alright to say you will think about it and get back. Then do your
homework. Never be afraid to say, “I need help”.

Mentoring can make the mentor a better person too.

“It takes two of us to discover the truth;
one to utter it and one to understand it.”
Khalil Gibran


NB: In an effort to keep everyone better informed and to provide good mentoring to our students, the REF will from time to time provide
short write-ups on matters related to our mentoring programme. These “snapshots” will take no more than a 5-minute read. We hope that
you will make the time for this.

To: 'YL Yee'
Subject: REF Mentoring Snapshot - The Role of an REF Mentor

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20110510

The Role of an REF Mentor
The role of a mentor is three fold. Help the mentee
discover who he is. Help the mentee “be the best he
can”, to reach his full potential. Finally, help the
mentee learn to take responsibility for his future.

What does this mean?
It means,
§ Making time for the mentee
§ Being a role model, living and sharing noble values with the mentee
§ Providing the mentee with support, exposure and career guidance
§ At times, taking the mentee out of the comfort zone to stretch to his/her
potential
§ Encouraging the mentee to write and keep a personal journal
§ Keeping the mentee in school and constantly improving

“The miracle power that elevates the few is to be found in their industry,
application, and perseverance,
under the promptings of a brave determined spirit.”
Mark Twain



Sent: Wednesday, May 18, 2011 10:53 AM
Subject: REF Mentoring Snapshot - Values Eduaction

Values Education
In today’s open society, there is a multitude
of both positive and negative influences. It is
impractical, if not impossible, to protect a
child from all the negative influences by
physically isolating him from them without
at the same time shutting out important
experiences and positive influences as well.
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Yet the solution to this dilemma is to expose the child progressively to life but
at the same time build in him a strong value system. This is the only realistic
“protection” he can have from negative influences, while at the same time
enabling him to pick up positive influences too.

It can be very confusing at times, with the myriad of values one is supposed
to instil in a child. Fortunately, this process can be kept simple. The most
important consideration in building a strong value system in a child is to
remember two things; give him plenty of love, and be a good example to
him. Teach your child noble values, largely by simply living them yourself.

“Open your arms to change but don’t let go of your values.”
Tenzin Gyatso


The REF runs a Values Education Programme for students each year exploring noble values such as Self-
confidence, Honesty, Responsibility, Compassion and Humility. The next ½-day workshop will be on 18 June
2011. Please arrange for your mentee to be present.


Subject: REF Mentoring Snapshot - Discovering Who You Are

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Discovering Who You Are
“The role of a mentor is three fold. Help the
mentee discover who he is. Help the mentee
“be the best he can”, to reach his full potential.
Finally, help the mentee learn to take
responsibility for his future.”

At the heart of the self-discovery process is the understanding of what values
mean and discovering the values that are most important to you. Because
ultimately you are defined by the values you believe in, that’s who you are.
Don’t have any illusion that this is easy work. It’s a life time’s work. But you have
to make a start now.
Successful mentoring involves helping the mentee discover who he is, his true
nature. The mentor’s role is to help provide the environment and the
opportunity for this to naturally occur. He does this by being a confidant, a
teacher, a role model, a friend, a nurturer of possibilities and most importantly,
by maintaining confidence in the mentee, constantly nurturing the mentee’s
belief in himself.

"The value of identity is of course that so often with it comes purpose."
Richard Grant

NB: To help define our approach and to provide good mentoring to our students, the REF from time to time provides short write-ups on its
programme. These “snapshots” will take no more than a 5-minute read. We hope that you will make the time for this.

Sent: Tuesday, May 31, 2011 11:49 AM
To: 'YL Yee'
Subject: Mentoring Snapshot - Reaching Your Full Potential

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Reaching Your Full Potential
“be the best he can”, to reach his full
potential. Finally, help the mentee learn to
take responsibility for his future.”

We tend to hang around with our friends because they accept us the way we are.
Friends make us feel comfortable and seldom try to tell us right from wrong,
they usually don’t judge us on what we do or don’t do. Friends never push us to
our personal limits. Mentors on the other hand, will often encourage us to go
beyond our comfort zone. This will help us stretch to our full potential.

“A ship in port is safe, but that is not what ships are built for.”
Benazir Bhutto


programme. These “snapshots” which takes no more than a 5-minute read is also shared with friends of REF who may not be mentors.

Sent: Wednesday, June 08, 2011 3:21 PM
Subject: Mentoring Snapshot - Taking Personal Responsibility for Your Future – Part 1/2

Taking Personal Responsibility
for Your Future – Part 1/2
mentee discover who he is. Help the mentee be
the best he can, to reach his full potential.
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Awardee Darshinii at the “flying-fox”
Many people associate responsibility with duty and obligations, which in turn
are thought of as burdens. But personal responsibility is not a burden. It is a
blessing. This becomes clear when we understand that personal responsibility
is nothing other than the freedom to create our own lives. Yes, responsibility
is equated with freedom and power. Once we awaken to this truth, we become
liberated and empowered. We shed our victim mentality and gain the power to
transform ourselves.
“When we take responsibility, we admit we are the ones responsible for the
choices we make. We, not other people or events, are responsible for the way
we think and feel. It is our life, and we are in charge of it.”


Subject: Mentoring Snapshot - Taking Personal Responsibility for Your Future - Part 2/2

It is a main objective of the REF programmes to
help the mentee learn to take responsibility for
his future. This will essentially involve an
awakening for him.
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Premanath at the Leadership Camp
What is this “awakening”? It is the discovery that we are more than we think
we are. It is the realization that we have taken on an identity that incorrectly or
inadequately expresses our essential being. It is as though we have been
dreaming and suddenly we awaken from the dream, look around, and become
aware of a totally different reality.

The challenge for a mentor is to provide the opportunity for the mentee to
crystallize this awakening. Not by imploring but instead by patiently working,
through the magic of question*, with the mentee to help him realize his
“blessing” of personal responsibility. Together with providing example and
exposure, the mentor can create an environment whereby the questions arise
by themselves in the mentee. A mentee once awakened will naturally realize
his purpose. He will then be more focused and know his priorities.

“The object of education is to prepare the young
to educate themselves throughout their lives.”
Robert Maynard Hutchins



Sent: Thursday, June 23, 2011 10:13 AM
Subject: The REF Mentoring Snapshot

*The Magic of Question
Through an almost magical process born
of asking questions and listening, the
Socratic Method helps you discover your
inborn ability to create, think and solve
problems.
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Responding at an REF camp debriefing

Something almost magical happens when someone asks us a question and then
truly listens to our reply. Like the proverbial key to a chest filled with incredible
riches, questions seem to unlock our brains, help us make connections, invent
new ideas, see an issue from different perspectives, and discover solutions to
problems that we never knew we knew! Because such knowledge comes from
within us, not from the outside world, it is truly “ours.” It quickly becomes part
of our conscious knowledge; it is not something that we have to “stuff in” to
our brains or cram for in order to learn.
“Great mentors, unlike teachers, almost never provide answers. They rather
seek to provide their mentees with the questions which they believe will best
lead to the learning that is unique to the individual being mentored.”
J.E. Hughes


programme. These 5-minute “snapshots” are also shared with friends of REF who may not be mentors.

From: YL Yee [mailto:ylyee@pc.jaring.my] Sent: Thursday, June 30, 2011 10:52 AMTo:
ylyee@pc.jaring.mySubject: Mentoring Snapshot - The REF Values

The REF Values

Taking the Pledge at the Rotary club
No man is an island. We do not exist
independently but are interconnected to and
interdependent on one another. Therefore, only in
the well being of all can we hope to achieve our
own complete well being.

Yet we are no use to others unless we first help our self. The REF programmes
therefore aim to help students who desire to help themselves, firstly discover
who they are and then to help them unlock their potential – give them a better
start to a better life. But we can fully unlock our potential only when we realize
that we are meant for a higher purpose, a purpose beyond just self to one with
a regard for others. Only by understanding that we are something greater than
our individual self and that through selflessness we can access all of humanity,
will we be able to unlock what we are fully capable of – our full potential. Then,
will we be able to lead a complete, useful and fulfilling life.

Learning to help one another achieve
Those behaviours that are associated with
developing selflessness and love for all, such as
“Love Others as Your Self” and “Service Above Self”,
are called noble values. Hence in the REF, students
are taught to embrace noble values; not just in
order to create a better life for themselves but to
create a better life for all – a better world.

“Education is ultimately beyond the development of self to something far nobler,
the development of selflessness; that which links us with all humanity.”


Sent: Wednesday, July 06, 2011 12:26 PM
ToSubject: REF Mentoring Snap Shot - Mentor Visits

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Have You Visited Your
Mentee Lately?

REF Mentor Obligations
To provide the best guidance to the
mentee, a mentor under the REF Youth
Mentorship Programme has the following
main obligations:

Mentor Teng Yoong (L) with student Chye Soon
and his mother at a mentor visit
Attend the Presentation of the Awardee and 1st
mentor briefing at the
Rotary club meeting
Visit the mentee ideally once a month (set the next meeting date at each
visit), submit the visit report, collect & submit mentee school results when
available and develop a good relationship with the mentee
Attend the quarterly Mentor Support Group Meeting
Attend the 1-day Annual Youth Mentorship Training Workshop organized
by the REF
Be familiar with REF Mentor Manual – its Policies & Guidance
Get the mentee to attend at least some of the Rotary club service projects
Escalate any complicated problems to Rotary club
Be a role model to the mentee, always being conscious that the mentor’s
commitment and values are being observed by mentee


Sent: Tuesday, July 12, 2011 1:16 PM
Subject: REF Mentoring Snap Shot - Mentee Performance

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Has your Mentee been “performing”?
REF Mentee/Awardee Obligations

Achieving the desired objectives of the
REF Mentorship programme is an end.
Along the way, a good mentee is one who
appreciates that fulfilling his/her
obligations under the programme will
improve the chances of achieving the
desired outcome. S/he is expected to
fulfill the following obligations:

REF Awardees at the recent Values Education
Workshop held on 25 June 2011

Mandatory:
Live up to the Awardee Pledge
Make time for mentor visits
Be punctual for Mentor visits/meetings and appointments
Honour commitments, e.g. return mentor phone calls and provide
information promptly when requested
Keep expenditure receipts and accounts
Keep the Awardee Passbook and Journal updated
Attend the annual REF Leadership Camp and Values Workshop/s
Attend the REF life-skills training seminars when organized
Good to Do:
Ø Participate in Rotary service projects when invited
Ø Interact with and get to know the Rotarians and other volunteer mentors



Subject: REF Mentoring Snap Shot - Begin with the End in Mind

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Begin with the End in Mind
If you want to go somewhere you must
have the outline planned. You don't need
every single detail because you can’t see
into the future. Simply think beyond today
and decide what direction you want to
take, so that each step you take is always in
the right direction.

Volunteer mentor Richard Hoy with mentee Premanath

Great mentors prepare the way for the ending of the relationship in the same
way that great chess masters are always looking three to four moves ahead.
For the mentee this process is often opaque and should be, if the ongoing
learning process is not to be interrupted before its proper conclusion.
Acknowledging the transitory nature of this relationship at the beginning gives
the greatest promise for its successful conclusion. Mentorship requires that
both parties begin by agreeing on how it will end.

“If you don’t know where you are going, than you probably won’t get there.” –
Forrest Gump


NB: To help define our approach and to provide good mentoring to our students, the REF from time to time provides short write-ups on
its programme. These 5-minute “snapshots” are also shared with friends of REF who may not be mentors.

Sent: Tuesday, July 26, 2011 11:56 AM
Subject: REF Mentoring Snap Shot - What is a Role Model?

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What is a Role Model?

The term role model is considered in the
widest sense from an individual simply
“perceived as exemplary, or worthy of
imitation”, to the inspirer “through
personal contact” and “relationship”. Thus,
mentors are seen as one type of role
model, and mentoring programs are
subsumed under the broader category of
role model programs.

Mentor Veiven Goon with mentee Sharipah
Who can be a role model?
Young people perceive a range of individuals as potential role models, including
celebrities and other famous people, family members, adult community
members, teachers and peers. They may see different groups as role models in
different kinds of ways.

As an REF mentor, be keenly aware that you are also privileged to be a role
model and that you should not only share noble values with your mentee but
live them as well. Remember that your behavior and actions are constantly
being observed by your mentee. Let it not be like “a crab teaching its young to
walk straight.” It has been said; “the mediocre teacher tells, the good teacher
explains, the superior teacher demonstrates but the great teacher inspires.”

“There is no teaching to compare with example.” – Sir Robert Baden-Powell



Sent: Wednesday, August 03, 2011 1:25 PM
Subject: REF Mentoring Snap Shot - Instilling the Spirit of Volunteerism

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Instilling the Spirit of
Volunteerism

One of the objectives of the REF is to help
create awareness among our Awardees
(mentees) that we live in an
interdependent world and that we should
be helping others too. Thinking beyond self.
Awardee Yu Xin at the Tree Planting Project
by the Rotary club held on 23 Apr 2011

Additionally, an interdependent world does not only mean helping other fellow
human beings in need but also ensuring that our environment is clean and
sustainable for future generations to come and in doing so, making our world a
better one in which to live. To this end and to instill the spirit of volunteerism,
whenever the opportunity arises, we encourage our Awardees to come for
some of the community service projects we organize as a Rotary club, to give
them this exposure and appreciation. It is not compulsory, but it is an
important part of our education assistance to them.

While we are striving to achieve our potential, we remember that it is our
responsibility to help others achieve theirs too, giving value and meaning not
just to our life but to the lives of others as well.

“How can we expect our children to know and experience the joy of giving
unless we teach them that the greater pleasure in life lies in the art of giving
rather than receiving?” – James Cash Penney



Sent: Tuesday, August 09, 2011 11:49 AM
To: 'YL Yee'
Subject: REF Mentoring Snap Shot - Humility

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Humility

Mentorship starts with humility. To be a
highly successful mentor, you must first
humble yourself like a little child and be
willing to serve others. Nobody wants to
follow someone who is arrogant. Be
humble as a child. Always curious, always
hungry and thirsty for knowledge.

For what is excellence but knowledge plus knowledge plus knowledge - always
wanting to better yourself, always improving, always growing.

When you are humble, you become genuinely interested in people because you
want to learn from them. And because you want to learn and grow, you will be
a far more effective listener, which is the #1 mentorship communication tool.
When people sense you are genuinely interested in them, and listening to
them, they will naturally be interested in you and listen to what you have to
say.

Unfortunately, many mentors treat mentoring as an ego trip whereby they talk
about nothing but themselves. The process of mentoring someone is not about
the mentor - it is about the student. A great mentor is able to put his own ego
to one side and make it about the student. A mentor is in the business of
helping others and passing on his knowledge.



Subject: REF Mentoring Snap Shot: Help Your Self to Help Others – The Awardee Pledge

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Help Your Self to Help Others – The Awardee Pledge

One of the most important qualities an REF
Awardee must have is “the desire to help
oneself”. This is not to say that those who can’t
help themselves do not need help but the REF
is not the right party to render such help
because as a group of part-time volunteers, we
are less effective at helping those who will not
help themselves. Awardee Jen Nee taking
the Pledge
For a potential Awardee, the desire to help oneself is assessed by a student’s
academic results and her participation in extra-curricular activities. Yet a desire
to help oneself alone does not make one a useful person. Being useful requires
one to make a positive contribution to society. And so, to complement the
financial assistance provided, the REF programmes together with participation
in some of the voluntary community service projects of the Rotary club are
aimed at instilling awareness that in the larger context, being useful means
being able to help others in need. Indeed the REF exists only because others –
Rotarians and volunteers – have regarded it as their service to the community.

Awardees are taught that in order to be useful, they have to help others; and in
order to help others, they have to first help themselves. Finally, that if they
make it their aim to be a useful member of society, they will in turn have a
meaningful and fulfilling life. Understanding these aims for the Awardee
formally begins with the taking of the Awardee Pledge at a meeting of the
Rotary club.

To remind us of our vision for the mentee, “The Awardee Pledge” is attached herewith and
in your mentor file. Please find time to review it in detail together with your mentee.

Sent: Thursday, August 25, 2011 10:27 AM
Subject: REF Mentoring Snap Shot: Only When We are One

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Only When We are One

Throughout the REF Youth Mentoring
Programme, two dedicated mentors are
assigned to visit the student (mentee).
Especially in the initial phase of the
programme, these visits are done in the
presence of the parents/guardian. The role
of Rotary and the objectives of the
mentoring programme are clearly explained
in the beginning of the mentorship to both
student and parents
Awardee Joshua with mentors Frances Po (L)
and Lee Hooi Cheng

In time, only after confidence and trust have developed with the
parents/guardian, the mentors may spend some time with the student alone.
In the REF, mentors are deployed in pairs as back-ups for one another, for
safety and security, and to improve mentoring quality by being able to provide
mutual feedback.

However we must always be sensitive to the fact that the appearance of two
older adult individuals as mentors can be a daunting experience for the young
student. The mentee may be overawed during the mentoring sessions,
experiencing difficulty expressing herself and becoming withdrawn. Mentors
must recognize this aspect, and therefore have to go the extra mile to try and
make the mentee as comfortable as possible. Always be conscious of this fact
that as REF mentors, you are “two” and the mentee is “one”. Yet in the end,
the mentoring programme can only be successful by overcoming this challenge,
when mentors and mentee “become one”, in pursuit of the common objective
of developing the mentee to her full potential.


Sent: Wednesday, August 31, 2011 11:33 AM
Subject: REF Mentoring Snap Shot: An Everyday Mentor

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An Everyday Mentor: Vertulie Ferdinand F.

“She was my rock. She opened her door in 1971 to me when I was 2 years old.
She taught me moral values and with her nurturing love, I became a nurse, a
business woman, most of all a philanthropist. I opened a school for children
and adults, 4 clinics and an orphanage in Haiti. Vertulie taught me to love
others and to share. She instilled in me the faith in myself, education and
determination. Just by watching her every day I am able to be who I am today.”
…Vertulie Ferdinand was born in La Vallee, Haiti. She died in 1996.



Sent: Wednesday, September 07, 2011 11:16 AM
Subject: REF Mentoring Snap Shot: The Types of Mentors

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The Types of Mentors
The first is the “pleaser”. This kind of mentor
just wants to please the student and won't
cause any waves. This type of mentor is deadly
to a student's progress. A mentor is not there to
be a student's best friend; he is there to get the
student to reach his full potential - and that can
often mean confronting and challenging the
student. If a student's work is not good, he
needs to know or he will never improve.

Mentor Kong with student Pui Yee

The next is the “dinosaur”. This is a mentor who has been teaching for 100 years
and has lost touch with young people. The mentor has worked with students
since 1895. He may have some insights of value but he hasn’t kept pace with
current developments and changes.

The last is the “truth-teller”. This kind of mentor will tell it like it is - warts and
all. He does it not to offend but to create pressure whereby the student pushes
himself to his full potential. But besides confronting, the mentor also nurtures.
The student should be aware that the mentor has his best interest at heart, to
ensure too that when the difficult critiques arise the student is able to deal with
them.

There could be a fourth, the “destroyer”. This is the kind that only confronts and
tears a student down but doesn't build him back up. This is counter-productive
and won't allow the student to move on.

Enclosed herewith is a copy of the newly issued “Mentor Self Assessment” form. Please make
a copy for your mentor file and find some time to do the assessment to improve the quality of
your mentoring.

Sent: Tuesday, September 13, 2011 2:55 PM
Subject: REF Mentoring Snap Shot: Leadership Development

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Leadership Development

We are something far greater than our
individual self. Our interrelatedness and
interdependence on one another means
that we have access to the rest of
humanity. An ability to tap into the rest of
humanity means that we can achieve far
greater than what we are able to just by our
self alone.

Students negotiating an obstacle course
at the REF Leadership Camp
Developing leadership skills means developing the ability to communicate, to
express our thoughts (and at times even our feelings) clearly to build effective
teams by motivating and inspiring the best out of others. It is to be able to
work with each other to achieve a common objective and that means
understanding that the whole is far greater than the sum of the individual
parts.

And therefore the quality of our relationships with one another has a direct
impact on what we are capable of doing – achieving our full potential. Our
leadership qualities enable us to effectively tap into the rest of humanity. In
other words, to reach our full potential we must develop our qualities of
leadership. Leadership is not going around telling everyone, “I am a leader” or
even that, “I am prepared to lead”. The philosopher Lao Tzu said, “Of the best
leaders, when the work is done, the people say, ‘We did it ourselves.’”

Leadership is but one of the noble values taught in the REF. It is important
enough that a dedicated programme is designed just for this value alone.



Sent: Tuesday, September 20, 2011 11:04 AM
Subject: REF Mentoring Snapshot: Inner Peace

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Inner Peace
I am passing this on to you because it definitely
worked for me and we all could use more calm
in our lives. By following the simple advice I
heard on a Medical TV show, I have finally
found inner peace.
A doctor proclaimed the way to achieve inner
peace is to finish all the things you
have started.

Awardee Prem with Rotarian Poay Lim
In a light moment at the Leadership Camp
So I looked around my house to see things I'd started and hadn’t finished, and,
before leaving the house this morning, I finished off a bottle of Merlot, a bottle
of shhardonay, a bodle of Baileys, a butle of vocka, a pockage of Prunglies, tha
mainder of botal Prozic and Valum scriptins, the res of the Chesescke an a box a
choclits.

Yu haf no idr hou gud I feal. Peas sha dis to dem yu fee AR in ned ov inr pis.
Something light this week you didn’t expect? Have a nice day.



Subject: REF Mentoring Snapshot: Guiding Students and Training Parents

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Guiding Students and Training Parents
Educating children is mostly about educating
parents on their conduct. In turn, the
conduct of parents is an education to the
children.

“The value of a marriage is not
that adults produce children,
but that children produce adults.”
– Peter De Vries, novelist

L-R: Mentors May Lim, Mun Yee with
Awardee Noel and his mother Sharon
A child is generally born emotionally well balanced and full of self-confidence.
Often over time and through bad habits, parents unwittingly erode his/her self-
confidence, adversely affecting his emotional well-being. In a child’s education,
the responsibility of parents is three fold: Provide the child with a good set of
values (environment), create the space and opportunities (exposure) for the
child to discover himself, and forbear eroding his self-confidence.

Like educating children, mentoring too is a lot about training parents/guardian
on their “conduct”. An REF mentor may spend about 2-3 hours in a month with
the student. Whereas parents spend much of the available formative time with
him. They are his real guides and greatest influence. A mentor can teach the
student good values only to have the work undone by parents if they do not
believe in or fully appreciate the purpose of the mentoring programme.

Help parents understand the philosophy of the programme and how it is a good
path for their child. Request that they be present at the mentoring sessions,
especially in the beginning. In between mentor visits, have parents reinforce the
messages you are trying to convey. Invite parents to our REF activities. Parents
must not do anything that may sabotage the process. For any student mentoring
programme to succeed, parents must subscribe to the values being taught,
working hand-in-hand as supportive partners to the mentor/s.

Sent: Tuesday, October 04, 2011 4:18 PM
Subject: REF Mentoring Snapshot: Identity vs. Role Confusion – Pt 1/2

YMP-SNAP 0026
Identity vs. Role Confusion – Pt 1/2
(Adolescence, 12 to 18 years)
As they make the transition from
childhood to adulthood, adolescents
ponder the roles they will play in the adult
world. Initially, they are apt to experience
some role confusion - mixed ideas and
feelings about the specific ways in which
they will fit into society - and may
experiment with a variety of behaviors and
activities (e.g. tinkering with cars, baby-
sitting for neighbors, affiliating with
certain political or religious groups).

Awardee Kushallini during a break at the
Leadership Camp 2011
Eventually, most adolescents achieve a sense of identity regarding who they
are and where their lives are headed. Erikson* is credited with coining the term
"Identity Crisis”. This turning point in human development seems to be the
reconciliation between “the person one has come to be” and “the person
society expects one to become”. This emerging sense of self will be established
by “forging” past experiences with anticipations of the future.

What is unique about the stage of Identity is that it is a special sort of synthesis
of earlier stages and a special sort of anticipation of later ones. Youth has a
certain unique quality in a person's life; it is a bridge between childhood and
adulthood. Youth is a time of radical change—the great body changes
accompanying puberty, the ability of the mind to search one's own intentions
and the intentions of others, the suddenly sharpened awareness of the roles
society has offered for later life. – An extract from the Wikipedia

*Erik Erikson was a renowned Danish-German-American developmental psychologist and psychoanalyst known
for his theory on social development of human beings.

Subject: REF Mentoring Snapshot: Identity vs. Role Confusion – Pt 2/2

YMP-SNAP 0027
Adolescents "are confronted by the need to
re-establish boundaries for themselves and
to do this in the face of an often potentially
hostile world." This is often challenging since
commitments are being asked for before
particular identity roles have formed. At this
point, one is in a state of 'identity confusion',
but society normally makes allowances for
youth to "find themselves," and this state is
called 'the moratorium'.

Students debriefing at the Leadership camp 2011
The problem of adolescence is one of role confusion—a reluctance to commit
which may haunt a person into his mature years. Given the right conditions—
and Erikson* believes these are essentially having enough space and time, a
psychological moratorium, when a person can freely experiment and explore—
what may emerge is a firm sense of identity, an emotional and deep awareness
of who he or she is.

No matter how one has been raised, one’s personal ideologies are now chosen
for oneself. Oftentimes, this leads to conflict with adults over religious and
political orientations. Another area where teenagers are deciding for
themselves is their career choice. If parents or society is too insistent, the
teenager will acquiesce to external wishes, effectively forcing him/her to
“foreclose” on experimentation and, therefore, true self-discovery. According to
Erikson, when an adolescent has balanced both perspectives of “What have I
got?” and “What am I going to do with it?” he or she has established their
identity. – An extract from the Wikipedia


Sent: Wednesday, October 19, 2011 3:27 PM
Subject: REF Mentoring Snapshot: Goal Setting

YMP-SNAP 0028
Goal Setting

You are all packed and ready to go on
your first cross country drive. You are
going to see it all. You put the car in gear
and you are off the blocks. First stop
Bentong and then Gua Musang and
eventually to Kota Baru. An hour into the
drive you come across an unfamiliar
intersection and you have to pull out the
map for the first time.

You panic when you realize that the map is out of date and does not list the
intersection. You are confused and you mutter some expletives. You turn right,
change the radio station and press on. You say the heck with it because you
know where you are going. By the end of the day, and many expletives later,
you finally arrive at Jerantut. Unfortunately, you never reach Kota Baru.
Too many of us treat goal setting the same way. We dream about where we
want to go, but we don’t have a map to get there.
What is a map? In essence, the written word. What is the difference between a
dream and a goal? Once again, the written word. But we need to do more than
simply scribble down some ideas on a piece of paper. Our goals need to be
complete and focused, much like a road map.
To help you and your mentee reach the destination, the REF provides a set of
templates to help you set out the longer term goals of the mentorship, the
immediate mentoring session goals (which should be consistent with the longer
term goals) and to review the goals every six months. If you don’t already have
them please ask for them from the YMP Lead.

“If you don't know where you are going, you'll end up someplace else.”

– Yogi Berra



Subject: REF Mentoring Snapshot: Not Deciding for but Supporting the Mentee

YMP-SNAP 0029
Not Deciding for but Supporting the Mentee

It is never the task of the mentor to resolve
all the mentee’s challenges with a magic
wand. It is never the role of the mentor to
make decisions for or to do the work of the
student or his family. If that were to
happen, laziness would triumph and the
mentee would never gain the necessary
knowledge or experience to be responsible.

Volunteer Mentor Mun Yee with Awardee Noel
The project to help and educate the student is based on the student
understanding his strengths and weaknesses; understanding his own errors and
on the effort he makes to overcome and avoid them in future. And so a good
mentor cannot force help onto the mentee. The mentee must want it. As an
outsider, the mentor is not the one experiencing the challenging situation of the
mentee and his family. So her role cannot be to decide for the mentee. The
mentor is an advisor and impresses that important decisions must rest with the
mentee (and his family). The mentor listens, shares her experience, and helps
the mentee identify all options available to him so that he (mentee) can make a
quality decision and understands the consequences of his choice. Sometimes
the mentor may help secure some relevant resources.

Knowing that he must take full responsibility and that he must live with the
consequences of his decisions, the mentee (and his family) has ownership of
important decisions. And once a decision is made in this way, a good mentor
must then fully support his mentee.



Sent: Tuesday, November 01, 2011 3:30 PM
Subject: REF Mentoring Snapshot: A Compassionate Individual

YMP-SNAP 0030

A Compassionate Individual: Dr. Harini P.
While the majority of physicians in our suburb refuse to treat patients on
Medical Assistance, Dr. Harini P. is a dedicated pediatrician who not only
accepts these patients, but gives them excellent medical care and treats them
with dignity and respect.

She is always accessible to her patients, never too busy for to take a call from
a concerned parent or to spend extra time during a visit to provide
reassurance. Patient care is her priority, from staying late to see a sick child
brought in without an appointment, to treating a child who has no insurance
and can't pay for service.

She is as thoughtful and considerate of colleagues and associates as she is of
patients, whether it's making time to see a pharmaceutical rep who's dropped
by, or allowing her employees flexibility in their work schedules.

A gentle soft-spoken woman, she has provided loving care for the children in
this community for almost 20 years. Her compassionate and nurturing touch
combines with her dedication to staying abreast of current trends in pediatric
medicine to make her the embodiment of a genuine "Dr. Mom." She certainly
deserves recognition for her extraordinary efforts on behalf of children and
families.



Sent: Thursday, November 10, 2011 4:32 PM
Subject: REF Mentoring Snapshot:When You are Speaking More than I

YMP-SNAP 0031
When You are Speaking More than I

Typically, at the beginning of the mentoring
programme, communication between
mentor and mentee is a one way street,
with the mentor doing more of the talking.
This may be necessary initially as the mentor
goes about setting the parameters of the
mentorship being obliged to do a bit of
defining, explaining and “teaching”.

Awardee Thenmoli presenting at
the Leadership Camp 2011

However it is an intention of the mentoring programme that over time, the
mentee eventually learns to express herself clearly and effectively. Hence the
mentee must be given the opportunity to not just speak for the sake of
speaking, but to speak when expected to, and to speak with substance. He
must feel the freedom to express, reflecting a healthy relationship. And so the
mentor must eventually transition from a talking mode to a listening mode.

However this can only occur when the mentee learns to trust the mentor and
understands her good intentions. So work on building trust and letting go of
“lecturing”. The mentoring sessions should be one where the mentee looks
forward to with excitement and is bursting to share with the mentor her
thoughts and experiences that happened since the last session. The mentee
should be “speaking more than the mentor”, with the mentor quietly listening.
When this happens, the mentor has become a friend.

Be conscious of this from the beginning. It is one of the key objectives of a
good mentorship.


its programme. These 5-minute “snapshots” are also shared with friends of REF who may not be mentors..

Sent: Friday, November 18, 2011 11:15 AM
Subject: REF Mentoring Snapshot: Origins of the Mentor

YMP-SNAP 0032

Origins of the Mentor
Telemachus and Mentor
In Greek mythology, Mentor was the son of
Alcimus or Anchialus. In his old age Mentor
was a friend of Odysseus who placed
Mentor and Odysseus' foster-brother
Eumaeus in charge of his son Telemachus,
and of Odysseus' palace, when Odysseus left
for the Trojan War.
When Athena visited Telemachus she took the disguise of Mentor to hide
herself from the suitors of Telemachus' mother Penelope. As Mentor, the
goddess encouraged Telemachus to stand up against the suitors and go abroad
to find out what happened to his father. When Odysseus returned to Ithaca,
Athena appeared briefly in the form of Mentor again at Odysseus' palace.
Because of Mentor's relationship with Telemachus, and the disguised Athena's
encouragement and practical plans for dealing personal dilemmas, the personal
name Mentor has been adopted in English as a term meaning someone who
imparts wisdom to and shares knowledge with a less experienced colleague.
The first recorded modern usage of the term can be traced to a 1699 book
entitled Les Aventures de Telemaque, by the French writer François Fénelon. In
the book the lead character is that of Mentor. This book was very popular
during the 18th century and the modern application of the term can be traced
to this publication. This is the source of the modern use of the word mentor: a
trusted friend, counselor or teacher, usually a more experienced person. Some
professions have "mentoring programs" in which newcomers are paired with
more experienced people, who advise them and serve as examples as they
advance. Schools sometimes offer mentoring programs to new students, or
students having difficulties. Today mentors provide expertise to less
experienced individuals to help them advance their careers, enhance their
education, and build their networks. – An extract from Wikipedia


programme. These 5-minute “snapshots” are also shared with friends of REF who may not be mentors..

Sent: Wednesday, November 23, 2011 10:00 AM
Subject: REF Mentoring Snapshot: Community-Based Mentoring

YMP-SNAP 0033
Community-Based Mentoring
Many relationships between Bigs and
Littles fall under our Community-Based
programs. These are one-to-one outings
and activities, doing things they enjoy
together, like:
1. Taking a walk in the park
2. Going to museum
3. Inspiring each other
4. Listening to music
5. Hanging out and talking

Some Bigs meet their Littles on the weekends. Others get together with their
Littles in the evenings. Each match is unique and develops a schedule that works
for them.
Role models make an impact
Studies show that children who have role models are more likely to improve in
school and in their relationships with family and friends, and less likely to skip
school or use illegal drugs or alcohol. Students who are successful in school are
less likely to drop out, abuse drugs or commit crimes. In fact, the success of
children enrolled in Big Brothers Big Sisters was proven in a nationwide
randomized study. – An extract from Big Brothers Big Sisters



Sent: Wednesday, November 30, 2011 3:33 PM
Subject: REF Mentoring Snapshot: Youth Mentors Make a Positive Difference

YMP-SNAP 0034
Youth mentors make a positive difference
– Jeraux Makata and David McGrath

Jeraux and David couldn't be more different.
"I am the Pakeha dad, married with three kids and
living in a Mt Eden villa and working in an industry
where it seems like every second guy drives a
Porsche 911," says David, who works in IT Sales for
technology vendor Cisco and as their account
manager for Telecom Group.
"Jeraux is the young Polynesian living in South Auckland with his dad and
younger brother. They don't have internet at home and he hasn't seen his
mother or sister for seven years because they moved to Australia and he can't
afford to fly over there. But I think coming from such different backgrounds is
what makes the experience so interesting for both of us."
David describes his 17-year-old high school protege as a rock star on the brink of
stardom: intelligent, good-looking and charismatic. A prefect at De La Salle
College, Jeraux says his dad was always encouraging him to think about his
future; David is a neutral sounding board helping him to crystallise what he
wants.
"I think the most awkward part was meeting Jeraux's dad Mack for the first
time, because I imagined he was thinking 'Jeraux already has a dad, so who the
hell are you to come around acting like Mr Know-It-All?"' says David. "But Mack
is a great guy and after getting to know each other I think he realised I am not
arrogant, I am just another voice in Jeraux's life - one who hopefully can bring a
useful perspective particularly around university and careers paths and where
they can lead."
After years working in the banking and IT worlds in New Zealand and Britain,
David felt it was time to give back to the community, and to share something of

what he'd learned from his life.
When he and Jeraux first met they talked about their favourite hobbies and
sports. "It later moved on to highlighting my direction and intentions after
leaving school," says Jeraux. "Which uni do I want to attend? What do I want to
study? How do I get in? What do I need?"
While he's still not entirely certain, Jeraux has applied for degree programmes in
architecture and engineering, and says David has opened his eyes to the
possibility of IT engineering, something he'd never considered. The pair are also
hopeful they can work on a plan to get Jeraux to Australia to visit his mum and
sister. Throughout the process they've made time to get to know each other by
visiting each other's family and paintball shooting.
A month after he started mentoring David discovered his 2-year-old daughter
had autism. "It is good to step outside your own life and see the world through
someone else's eyes," David says.
"It gives you a more balanced and compassionate perspective because it makes
you realise there are many people in this world who are hugely talented and full
of potential, but life doesn't always give them an even break."
– An extract from a NZHerald article on the First Foundation

Sent: Wednesday, December 07, 2011 11:43 AM
To: 'YL Yee'
Subject: REF Mentoring Snapshot: Mentoring Performers- Learning to Express Effectively

YMP-SNAP 0035
Mentoring Performers
– Learning to Express Effectively

Awardee Prem making a point at the
REF Leadership Camp 2011
There is little more a mentor can do to get the
“performer” student – one who is already getting
good grades – to work hard. He (or she) is already
mindful and taking responsibility for his studies.
However, with good grades the student is a prime
candidate for a scholarship. Here a mentor can
play an important role – preparing the student for
the scholarship interview.

Many students with excellent grades have faltered at their scholarship
interview. The reason for this is that they were poor at expressing themselves
clearly. Some that could speak were not equipped with “substance” and were
not rounded individuals. Interviewers generally look for a good ability to express
thoughts and exposure beyond the technical and examination subjects. An
excellent student must have the ability to convince the interviewers that he is
the right candidate for the scholarship.

What’s required in learning to express clearly and effectively?
Opportunities to speak, developing the reading habit and having the right
exposure. Encourage your mentee to:
§ Read widely; beyond school books to e.g. newspapers and current affairs
magazines
§ Participate in discussions; especially at opportunities offered in the REF
Leadership Camp, Values Workshop and other seminars/talks, and
volunteer to make presentations whenever there is a chance
§ Participate in school extra-curricular activities and take up positions of
leadership
§ Interact when taking part in Rotary club community service projects

§ Speak up during mentoring sessions
§ Be humble

A “performer” must not neglect or avoid learning the above. (Indeed all
students, not just performers, must learn them.) In this way, he learns to speak
with confidence and substance. We should encourage the student to learn
independent, critical and analytical thinking. Then he should also develop the
ability to express what is in his mind together with the ability to speak clearly.
As his mentor, start encouraging him now, to develop the right habits because
filling the mind with “substance” is an on-going process and not something that
can happen overnight.


Sent: Tuesday, December 13, 2011 12:58 PM

YMP-SNAP 0036
Whose need are we serving anyway?
From “It’s all about me” to “I’m all about it”

Child discipline is much about parent
discipline. The child learns from the
parents by example. It is easy sometimes
to lapse into playful indiscipline when
spending time with him (or her). For e.g. as
a parent, it is fun to feed your young child
from your plate. But if you do it, very soon
the child will refuse to eat from his/her
plate and will only eat from yours.
REF Awardee Noriza Bte Kemi (2
nd
right)
from Carey Island with her family

The child absorbs all these signals. Be very disciplined about conveying the right
messages all the time. For parents, setting a good example is a discipline that
they have to impose on themselves.

Ask our self each time we take an action in respect of the child whether we are
doing it to fulfill a need of the child or are we doing it to fulfill a need of our own.
If it is just for our own need, be very careful. E.g. soon after the child is born, a
parent may decide to put a “teddy” bear next to the sleeping baby even before
the baby has left the hospital. Is this action to fulfill a need of the child or to fulfill
a need of the parent?

The interventions and support a mentor can provide are not unlike that of a
parent. In the same way, each time we intervene and support the mentee, we
should ask our self honestly, “Am I fulfilling a need of the mentee or am I fulfilling
one of my own needs?” If the answer is the latter then think again, as this action
is likely to stem from selfishness and ego rather than compassion and generosity.
Be disciplined about this.



Sent: Wednesday, December 21, 2011 3:31 PM
Subject: REF Mentoring Snapshot: Freedom from Poverty is a Human Right

YMP-SNAP 0037
Freedom from poverty is a human right and not a
matter of compassion, say UN leaders
10 December 2006 – The Universal
Declaration of Human Rights rings hollow
to the millions of people around the
world who have to struggle in extreme
poverty, Secretary-General Kofi Annan
said today as he called for progress on
human development to go hand in hand
with advances in security and human
rights.

Awardee Prem with his father Kavuthaman
and family members
In a message marking International Human Rights Day, whose theme this year is
that fighting poverty should be a matter of obligation and not charity, Mr.
Annan said that “if we are to be serious about human rights, we must
demonstrate that we are serious about deprivation.” Mr. Annan said the world's
poorest are the people least capable of achieving or defending rights – such as
to a decent standard of living or to food and essential health care – that others
take for granted. “We must all recognize that wherever families eke out an
existence, the Declaration has, at best, a hollow ring,” he said.
Poverty is both a cause and a product of human rights violations, UN High
Commissioner for Human Rights Louise Arbour said. “We reaffirm that freedom
from want is a right, not merely a matter of compassion,” she said. “Fighting
poverty is a duty that binds those who govern as surely as their obligation to
ensure that all people are able to speak freely, choose their leaders and worship
as their conscience guides them.”
General Assembly President Sheikha Haya Rashed Al Khalifa said, “Being poor
makes it harder to find a job and get access to basic services, such as health,
education and housing. Poverty is above all about having no power and no

voice.” She added that history is littered with well-meaning but unsuccessful
schemes for eradicating poverty, and called for fresh programmes that tackle
the root causes, such as discrimination and social exclusion.



Sent: Thursday, December 29, 2011 1:09 PM
Subject: REF Mentoring Snapshot: Teaching Awareness – The Role of the REF

YMP-SNAP 0038
Teaching Awareness – The Role of the REF
A child is generally born pristine,
emotionally well adjusted and full
of self-confidence. Parents may
unwittingly erode away his (or
her) self-confidence over time and
hence affect his emotional well
being. The responsibility of
parents towards a child is three
fold:
§ Provide the child with a good
set of values,
§ Provide opportunities for the
child to discover himself, and
§ Refrain from eroding his self-
confidence.

While the conduct of the child, “good” or “bad”, may generally be due to
nurturing (or lack thereof) of the parents, yet somewhere between adolescent
and adulthood, the individual (child) must learn to stop blaming his parents and
start taking responsibility for his actions and for his future. Or in other words,
develop the ability to “help himself”. When he decides to make this choice, he
matures into an adult.

The difference between maturity and immaturity is largely the “awareness” of
taking this responsibility. The parents’ role is to support this development
through the threefold responsibility mentioned above. While it may be arguable
whether the development of this awareness can be hastened, it is certainly
possible to hinder it by not providing the appropriate support.

Mentoring is an honour, a privilege and a responsibility. Few people get a chance
to do it, yet (or because) it only requires volunteering. The interventions and

support a mentor can provide are not unlike that of a parent. And so the main
role of the REF is to help the student develop awareness. Besides the awareness
of responsibility, through the REF the student will gain awareness of other
humanitarian values as well. And in successfully doing so, he turns into a useful
adult and a responsible citizen of his community.

Over the next eight weeks, the REF Mentoring Snapshot will introduce an
important series on “Teaching Awareness”. We hope you will find it both
interesting and helpful in your mentoring work. Happy New Year!



Sent: Thursday, January 05, 2012 11:23 AM
Subject: REF Mentoring Snapshot: To See Clearly and to Do the Right Thing

YMP-SNAP 0039
REF Value - Humility
“To See Clearly and to Do the Right Thing”
(Part 1 of an 8-part series on “Teaching Awareness”)

In life we want to “do the right thing”; not
just the things that we like. For
sometimes the things that we like may
not be moral or legal. So it is not enough
just to pursue what we are passionate
about but to pursue what we are
passionate about that is also right.

But how do we know what is right?

Help your Mentee see clearly
It is not enough to speak the truth; we need to also work on being able to see
the truth. For far too often, honest people have been cheated, unable to see
that others are telling them lies. So we need a compass, a way to judge right and
wrong. We need a way to tell truth from lie, a way to see the truth clearly.

What is the cause of our inability to see the truth? It is often self-interest. Self-
interest obstructs our vision. In order to see the truth clearly we must free our
actions (and thoughts) from being tainted by self-interest. Put the well-being of
others ahead of us. We can and should still think of self-development and self-
improvement but in the context of being better able to help others eventually.
The relevant value to cultivate here is Humility (or Selflessness).

Through the value of humility, not obstructed by self-interest, we gain the ability
to see clearly and we are likely to recognize what is right. Once we know what is
right, we can proceed to do what is right. And then trust that passion will be the
consequence of doing the right thing and not the other way round.

“Do what is right, not just what you like.

If what you like is also what is right, then do it with all your might.”



Sent: Wednesday, January 11, 2012 11:58 AM
Subject: REF Mentoring Snapshot: Awakening to Awareness

YMP-SNAP 0040
REF Value - Responsibility
Awakening to Awareness


Much of mentorship must focus on the
objective of kindling “awareness” in the
mentee. In the simplest sense, this means
awakening him (or her) to being able to see
clearly; and to being the person he should
be. This is the basis of a values-based
education. Mentees and Mentors at the 2
nd
Values Education
Workshop on 13Aug2011 at SMK Sri Permata
When a child is awakened to awareness he understands to take responsibility
for his actions and for his future. He appreciates that his actions come with
consequences; that good consequences follow good actions and vice versa. Yet
he accepts that his “failures” are not attributable to anyone else or even to his
circumstances; that with awareness, failure in fact points the way to success.
With awareness, he knows that despite his circumstances he holds the power to
change in his own hands. He always has. He appreciates that the only change he
has control over is change to himself, starting with the ability to change how he
looks at things. And that he cannot control what life throws at him but he can
control how he responds to it. Indeed taking control over self is the only control
he has and the only control he needs. With control of self, he can “control” or
master the world – by taking charge of his own life and by being an example to
others.

When a person is awakened, he does not blame his parents for not developing
the reading habit in him because he was not read to when he was an infant. He
just reads now because he knows its “good” for him. He does not blame being
born into poverty for not being able to achieve. He just does what it takes to
succeed. He takes charge of the change necessary because that’s the “right”
thing to do.

“You must be the change you wish to see in the world.” – Mohandas Gandhi



Sent: Thursday, January 19, 2012 11:37 AM
Subject: REF Mentoring Snapshot: The Challenge of Awakening

YMP-SNAP 0041
REF Value - Honesty
The Challenge of Awakening

How do we make a student aware of taking
responsibility for his future? Or more
importantly; how do we make him aware of
the need to be aware? This is the more
relevant question as good suggestions, such as
get a teacher, commit to it, learn, show up and
slow down; are helpful only once the student
is awaken to awareness. They are steps to take
to “increase” awareness.

Mentors in a discussion during an annual
REF Mentors Workshop
With the awakening to awareness, the student finds his compass and will know
to do the right thing with his life. If we have the answer to this question we can
then develop an effective programme to help the student. So what is it that
crystallizes this initial awareness? When they confront themselves with honesty,
most students know that doing well in their studies is important. Yet some do
not put the necessary honest hard work into doing so. Even those already doing
well can do better. But few are awakened to the fact that they have virtually
unlimited potential.

Is the moment of awakening fixed for a particular individual regardless of what
we do? Is it possible to awaken the student before “his time”? Do we, as
“teachers”, wait for the student to be ready before we appear? Is there no way
of hastening the awakening to awareness? What is this awakening a function
of? Realistically, is the REF able to help the student awaken to his responsibility
for himself and thus make a positive difference to his life?


Subject: REF Mentoring Snapshot: How Does Obstruction to Learning Arise?

Good morning and good new beginning. The Mentoring Snapshot marches on this new lunar year
with the article below. We hope you find it interesting.

Best wishes,
The REF

YMP-SNAP 0042

REF Value - Humility
How does “Obstruction to Learning” arise?

Just talking to or instructing a student on
awareness will have limited success in
bringing about awareness.

“Many young students are not ready to
learn about life from their elders, believing
that their times are different and therefore
their needs are different too,” observes a
parent.

Students at the REF Leadership Camp 2011

“While they are happy to learn about technical subjects such as mathematics
and science, many students believe that older people are disconnected and
therefore have little to teach them when it comes to life and values. They do not
realize that from time immemorial, good values remain as good values no
matter the times we live in,” says a school teacher.

The reason for this emergent negative perception by an adolescent is partly due
to well-intentioned parents unwittingly filling their child with bad habits and less
than desirable values through their own examples. And so, as young as they are,
many students are already obstructed by their ego from learning.

“Like this cup, you are also too full of your own opinions and speculations. How
can I show you wisdom unless you first empty your mind?” – Zen master Nan-in

Yet, even this drawback may be overcome by the student himself if he is able to
develop awareness. Through awareness of the value of humility, not obstructed
by self-interest, the student can gain the ability to see clearly and he is likely to
recognize what is right. Even if he may have had a difficult upbringing, with
awareness, the student will realize doing the right thing for his own good. He
can take charge of the change necessary because that’s the “right” thing to do.
This is the power of awareness.

(The above article is part 4 of an 8-part series on “Teaching Awareness”)



Sent: Wednesday, February 01, 2012 12:00 PM
Subject: REF Mentoring Snapshot:Hastening the Awakening

YMP-SNAP 0043
REF Value - Compassion
Hastening the Awakening

How do we make a student aware of taking
responsibility for his future? If we have the
answer to this key question, we can then
develop an effective programme to help the
student. Do we, as teachers (or mentors) wait
for the student to be ready before we appear?
Is there a way of hastening the awakening of
the student to awareness?

Student Dwayne on the “flying fox”
If we take the view that the awakening can be a function of nurture, it means
that the awakening depends on the amount of exposure and influence the
student gets. Here the REF can play a role in providing experiential learning
opportunities and mentoring guidance. In particular providing so to speak,
“experiences of compassion” will help to humble a person and open him (or
her) to learning.

We have heard how the allegorical Zen master teaches by first breaking down
the student, “killing” the ego. The student then “surrenders” to the master. Yet
just “breaking down” an individual is not the complete answer. The master has
to thereafter rebuild the individual or else he will leave the student “broken”
and far worse than he started with. Once the ego is killed, the student is found.
And then the master, himself without an ego – with compassion and humility –
can begin to teach the student who now has a beginner’s mind, i.e. open, empty
and ready to be filled with wisdom.

“When the ego is killed, the student is ready.
When the student is ready, the teacher appears.”

(The above article is part 5 of an 8-part series on “Teaching Awareness”)

Subject: REF Mentoring Snapshot: Teaching Awareness

YMP-SNAP 0044
REF Value - Self Belief
“Teaching Awareness”

While some parents may feel that the
teaching method of the allegorical Zen
master-teacher is too radical for their
children, awareness is often crystallized when
the student experiences a “personal crisis”. It
is in crisis that the ego is set aside, at least
momentarily, allowing the individual
unobstructed vision, to see things – his life –
clearly.
EQTD’s Shankar facilitating an activity
at the 2011 REF Leadership Camp
When this happens, the individual is humbled and effective learning takes place.
It is a crisis that forces the student to go inwards, into the very core of his being
to ask the question, “who am I?” and to also ask where he is and where he
should be heading – “who should I be?” In doing so, the student experiences a
realization and becomes “aware of the need to be aware”. Often the crisis can
be characterized as a “life-changing” experience. Teaching methods must
incorporate this aspect into their experiential learning model to awaken the
student to awareness. Such methods incorporate simulated personal crisis
exercises in a supervised environment that take the student out of his comfort
zone – often creating and overcoming fear – as a method of sharpening
awareness resulting in increased self belief. Examples of these exercises include
white-water rafting, jungle warfare games, and solo-camping. A well chosen and
meaningful community service project can jolt a student out of his comfort zone
and bring him to awareness.

In all these exercises, the employment of a proper debriefing phase is a very
important aspect of the “rebuilding” of the student (and this is often handled
poorly in badly designed programmes). Such exercises when well executed are
the most effective at hastening the development of awareness. Many high-

intensity sports have the same effect too. That is why besides learning about
leadership, participating in sports and other extra-curricular activities are
important in the development of young people and in “opening their eyes”.




Sent: Friday, February 17, 2012 11:08 AM
Subject: REF Mentoring Snapshot: Discovering Identity, Purpose and Meaning

YMP-SNAP 0045
REF Value - Compassion
Discovering Identity, Purpose and Meaning
The REF helps create awareness in the
student that because he lives in an
interconnected world, his potential is far
greater if he learns to tap into the rest of
humanity. And that means thinking beyond
self and helping others. Relationships with
one another are important. Humanitarian
and noble values such as compassion,
fairness and care for the environment, help
develop quality relationships creating a
better world.

Students in an activity at the REF leadership camp
With the 4-prong holistic programme, the REF aims to help the student achieve
the best he can be, helping him reach his full potential.

How do we do this? Through a Values-based Education programme.

Firstly, we help the student discover who he is. His self identity is defined
largely by the values he believes in. We help him understand that with good
values he can move through life with confidence, unlocking his potential. Good
values will also support the improvement of academic performance. The REF
then helps him discover his purpose. Not just any purpose, but a higher
purpose anchored on the appreciation of humanitarian values, of thinking
beyond self. With a sense of purpose he will have a sense of direction, knowing
where he wants to go and what he wants to do with his life. His purpose and
his values may evolve and improve with time, as he gains more knowledge and
experience but by making a start now, he finds his compass. As he moves
through life purposefully, equipped with good values, he finds meaning helping
others. And so the aim of a Values-based holistic Education Programme is to

help the student discover identity, purpose and meaning.

With a belief system based on humanitarian values, as the student is striving
to achieve his potential, he is aware that it is also his responsibility to help
others achieve theirs too, giving value and meaning not just to his own life but
to the lives of others as well – creating a better world.




Sent: Tuesday, February 21, 2012 3:40 PM
Subject: REF Mentoring Snapshot: As Mentor, You are Key

Dear Mentor/Friend,

With this week’s consignment of the Mentoring Snapshot below, we finish the 8-part series on the
important role of the REF in “teaching awareness” to the awardees/mentees. In particular, your role as a
mentor is key to ensuring the success of the REF programme. We hope that you found the series both
interesting and helpful for your mentoring work.

REF

YMP-SNAP 0046
As Mentor, You are Key

As Mentor you hold one of the most
important keys to the successful future of
your Mentee, to unlocking his (or her)
potential. Yet with a casual attitude
towards the task, this can amount to
nothing or worse still, damaging the
emotional well-being of your charge.

Awardee Lenard with Mentors Graham
and Poay Lim
Mentoring is an honour, a privilege and a responsibility. Few people get a
chance to do it, yet (or because) it only requires volunteering. Never forget that
as an example of a “successful person” and a role model coming into the life of
your Mentee, you wield enormous power to change him either for the better or
for the worse. One of the things you must do is to equip yourself properly for
the task. Understand your role and the goals of the mentorship. Understand
your limitations. Know the tools available at your disposal. With all these, you
can make an impact. But the greatest impact will come from your attitude
towards the task. Your habits are important. You are being watched not by the
REF, but most importantly by your Mentee. Your Mentee will learn from you

through example, some of the values that he will adopt for his life. If you are
punctual, he will think that punctuality is important. If you care, he will think
that caring is necessary to be successful. If you are committed, he will think
commitment is a virtue.

As mentor, you also play the important role of following up with the mentee
after the “life-changing” experiences of the REF leadership camp and the REF
values education workshop. Without follow-up, these catalytic experiences
would at best be a temporary inspiration that lasts not more than a few days.
Sustained reinforcement by mentors is what will set the REF apart from other
one-off motivational programmes.

Most of all as a mentor, you are like the allegorical Zen master-teacher. Just as
the mentee must enter the relationship with the profound humility of the novice
seeking wisdom, the mentor too must enter with the even profounder humility
of the sage who knows how truly little he or she knows. When one teaches, two
learn. Nobody wants to follow someone who is arrogant. When you are humble,
you become genuinely interested in people because you want to learn from
them. And because you want to learn and grow, you will be a far more effective
listener. “Listening” is the #1 mentorship communication tool. When people
sense you are genuinely interested in them, and listening to them, they will
naturally be interested in you and listen to what you have to say. The process of
mentoring someone is not about the mentor - it is about the student.

Give this task serious thought. Approach it with awareness and spontaneity; and
see how, with your precious time, you can teach your mentee the values
necessary to make a positive difference to his life. You are key.




Subject: REF Mentoring Snapshot: Youth mentors make a positive difference

YMP-SNAP 0047
– Hazel Tafa and Margaret Morgan

Hazel Tafa, 17 remembers the confusion she felt
when she was told she had two mothers, and that
the people she'd thought were her parents were
actually her grandparents. Growing up in her
brother's shadow with her biological mum and
step-mum, she became rebellious, and when her
grandfather passed away it drove her "to the
wrong side of life". But when her brother went off
the rails too, she decided to turn things around.
The McAuley High School student now dedicates all her achievements to her
family. She's determined to get into the University of Auckland to study
accounting, and law further down the track. Her dream is to become a judge.
Despite her determination, she confesses to feeling a bit unsure when she met
her mentor, Margaret Morgan, who runs her own company, Triangle
Recruitment. "She had a serious facial expression. I thought, 'Oh no, she must
be real strict and bossy'."
But they were soon at ease in each other's company when they discovered they
both love rugby and netball, and laughed at the same things. Even so, Margaret
says it's not important to share a lot in common.
"We are all human and want similar things out of life."
Her experience helping recruitment candidates progress their careers made the
decision to become a mentor a natural step. And it's paying off. Hazel says she
now thinks of Margaret as her "best friend, mother and sister combined" and
that Margaret has helped to keep her on track not just with her studies but by
providing access to contacts. She has even introduced Hazel to her sister, a

commercial lawyer who studied at Otago.
As a result, Hazel's resolve to get a university education has increased. "It is a
huge honour to receive a scholarship and sometimes I think it takes some time
to fully appreciate it," says Margaret. "She has worked hard for it and is
thoroughly deserving of it."
The mentoring process has allowed Hazel to trust someone outside the family,
and that has pushed her out of her comfort zone. "With two mothers in my life
it's sometimes difficult to decide who to listen to. So just having Margaret
around giving me the best advice makes a huge difference.
"No offence, but I never thought [one] day I would be opening up and turning to
a white woman. From a Samoan perspective, working with a white woman
changes everything, you just get real excited and want to show her off to the
rest of your Samoan family and friends." – An extract from a NZHerald article on the First
Foundation

Sent: Wednesday, March 07, 2012 11:28 AM
Subject: REF Mentoring Snapshot: Empathy vs. Sympathy - The Big Difference

YMP-SNAP 0048
Empathy vs. Sympathy – The Big Difference

Awardee Siti Nor Halimah with her mother and siblings

Here is an important distinction that can help
us improve our people skills and make a
positive difference in mentoring our student.
Empathy: the ability to understand, perceive
and feel another person’s feelings.
Sympathy: the tendency to help others in
order to prevent or alleviate their suffering.
These are not exact dictionary definitions but they are practical definitions that
will serve to help us understand the difference and to emphasize some key
aspects.
1) Empathy is always good, sympathy is contextually good.
Understanding the feelings of other people means to access very precious
information which we can use in multiple ways.
However, feeling the need to help others is something which from one case
to another can be good or bad. Sometimes it can mean honor and building
bridges, sometimes it can mean lying, being fake, sacrificing our own needs,
not letting others learn on their own and other pointless people-pleasing
behaviors.
2) We can have one, without the other.
This is the most important part. We can have sympathy with only a vague
understanding of the other person’s feelings. We can also understand exactly
how bad a person feels and still be capable of not helping her.
We can be a highly empathic person and still have our freedom to act in the

ways we think are best, whether they involve helping others or not. We can
have empathy and have options at the same time.
Why is this distinction important?
It’s important because when it comes to people skills, many believe that the
ability to be empathic and the tendency to have sympathy are the same thing.
This is incorrect.
As a mentor of a student from the lower income group, we may feel empathy
for our mentee because of his (or her) challenging circumstances but we may
not be helping him by feeling sympathy and taking him to fancy restaurants for
meals just because his family cannot afford to do so.
When we have a good understanding of the fact that empathy and sympathy
are related phenomena but they go in separate boxes, we can learn to have
empathy without always having sympathy, and we take our mentoring (and
people) skills to the next level.
(Reference – www.peopleskillsdecoded.com)

YMP-SNAP 0049
REF Value: Compassion

In last week’s edition of the Mentoring
Snapshot, we talked about the distinction
between empathy and sympathy. This week,
we bring forth the concept of compassion.
To recap,

Empathy: the ability to understand, perceive
and feel another person’s feelings.

Sympathy: the tendency to help others in
order to prevent or alleviate their suffering.
Compassion on the other hand, is not the same as sympathy or empathy
although each of these plays a part. The compassionate person feels the
suffering of another and makes positive steps to alleviate that suffering.
Compassion is a strong feeling (consciousness) of empathy and sadness for the
suffering or misfortune of others and a desire to help them (in the right way).

Compassion awakens awareness of where, who, and what we are. Experiences
and acts of compassion (caring and helping others in need) humble and make us
appreciate how fortunate we are. Compassion allows gratitude, counting of
blessings and not taking things for granted, which then enable a positive frame
of mind and right attitude. Compassion (or helping others) improves
relationships and enables us to access all of humanity and to unlock our full
potential.

Mother Teresa noted, “Being unwanted, unloved, uncared for, forgotten by
everybody, I think that is a much greater hunger, a much greater poverty than
the person who has nothing to eat. Even the rich are hungry for love, for being
cared for, for being wanted, for having someone to call their own.”

“Compassion is a muscle that gets stronger with use.” – Mahatma Gandhi

Sent: Tuesday, March 20, 2012 3:39 PM
Subject: REF Mentoring Snapshot: REF Value - Raise Kids Who Care

YMP-SNAP 0050
Raise Kids Who Care

Awardee Lenard at the Leadership Camp 2012
Being a moral child includes being
responsible, developing a conscience, and
being sensitive toward the needs and rights of
others. A moral child has an inner code of
right and wrong that is linked to his inner
sense of well-being. Inside himself he knows
that "I feel right when I act right, and I feel
wrong when I act wrong."

The root of being a moral child is sensitivity to one's self and to others, along
with the ability to anticipate how one's actions will affect another person—and
to take that into account before proceeding. One of the most valuable social
skills you can help your child develop is empathy—the ability to consider
another person's rights and feelings. Children learn empathy from people who
treat them empathetically. One of the best ways to turn out good citizens is to
raise sensitive children.

Besides teaching children responsible behavior toward others and toward
things, also teach them to take responsibility for themselves. One of the most
valuable tools for life you can give your child is the ability to make wise choices.
You want to plant a security system within your child that constantly reminds
him: think through what you're about to do. By learning to take responsibility
for their actions in small things children prepare to make right choices when the
consequences are more serious. Our wish for you is to help you raise kids who
care. – An extract from Dr Bill and Martha Sears



Sent: Wednesday, March 28, 2012 1:25 PM
Subject: REF Mentoring Snapshot: REF Value - Teaching Failure and Not Just Success

YMP-SNAP 0051
Teaching Failure and Not Just Success
“Failure is the foundation of success, and the
means by which it is achieved.”
Lao Tzu
The idea is not only to teach the student how
to succeed but perhaps more importantly to
equip him/her for failure and how to
overcome it – to “teach failure”. No matter
how good we are as teachers, we cannot
guarantee the student will not fail. It is best to
assume that he will occasionally and wise to
equip him to respond positively to failure.

Student Lenard taking the REF Awardee Pledge. Present
next to him are his mother and REF Chairman Dr Kong.

There are many important lessons that can only be learnt through failure, some
of which are the most important in life. Here are 8 Important Lessons of Failure:

1. Change your perception of and your response to failure – "Failure is the
foundation of success, and the means by which it is achieved".
2. In order to succeed, you must first be willing to fail – “Failure points the
way to success”.
3. Take action to reduce your fear and doubt – “It is not failure itself that
holds you back; it is the fear of failure that paralyzes you”.
4. Change your response to failure by accepting responsibility – "Your
failures won't hurt you until you start blaming them on others".
5. Stick with your passion – "Enthusiasm is one of the most powerful engines
of success".
6. Find the benefit in every bad experience – "Failure is success if we learn
from it”.
7. Work hard on the weaknesses that weaken you – "When defeat comes,
accept it as a signal that your plans are not sound, rebuild those plans, and
set sail once more toward your coveted goal".

8. Never give up. But get up, get over it and get going – "Failure is not the
falling down, but the staying down”.

And so it is important to teach the student that failure is part of life and that we
must have faith in our self to pick our self up in the aftermath of failure. Indeed
failure (and mistakes) is one of our most valuable teachers. With the right
attitude, failures point the direction to success.

"Only those who dare to fail greatly can ever achieve greatly."
– Robert F. Kennedy



Sent: Tuesday, April 03, 2012 11:22 AM
Subject: REF Mentoring Snapshot: An Honour, a Privilege and a Responsibility

YMP-SNAP 0052
An Honour, a Privilege and a Responsibility
Why is mentoring an honour, a privilege and a
responsibility?

It is an honour because you are welcomed into a
family and trusted. You touch lives and you will be
held with respect and esteem. You are performing
an honorable deed. The parents of the mentee
have placed their trust in the REF and the REF has
in turn deemed that you are qualified to be a
mentor.

Ghaurry with her mentee Kushallini at the
Champion Goal Setting Workshop Dec 2011
Yet trust and respect do not come automatically. As a mentor your behaviour
will be watched by the mentee and his family. Trust and respect will come only
if you fulfill your role and responsibility.

It is a privilege because it is an official appointment given to you by the Rotary
Club of Bukit Kiara Sunrise through the REF. It is specially granted to you and not
given to just anyone who desires it. Remember you hold the future of a young
student in your hands and that you are an REF mentor only because RCBKS
deems that you have the ability to positively influence the direction of the
student’s future.

And finally, because it is an honour and a privilege, it comes with responsibility.
You are in the responsible position of guiding your mentee. You must therefore
be clear on your obligations. As a mentor you must take the job on seriously.
The role and responsibilities are clearly defined in the mentor manual with its
policies and explanations. You must familiarize yourself with it. Attend the
annual mentor training programme and follow the policies of the REF.
Importantly, be familiar with the Values of the REF and be a role model to your
mentee.

We do a unique and important job as mentors in the REF. While the work is
voluntary, destinies of young lives depend on whether we take our job seriously
enough. RCBKS expects only that the job of mentoring be done professionally.
Bring the professionalism that you discharge so well in the office to the work of
community service (REF). That’s how you will make a great impact. That’s when
your mentee will benefit enormously. And that’s all the Rotary club requests.
Your mentee needs your presence – be there for him/her.

“As mentor, you are a confidant, a teacher, a role model, a friend
and a nurturer of possibilities.”



Subject: REF Mentoring Snapshot: Make a Positive Difference

YMP-SNAP 0053
Make a Positive Difference
Is your mentee better off with you as his (or
her) mentor? Or does your involvement
make no significant difference to him?
Worse still, as a mentor, are you having an
adverse effect on your mentee?

You may be a mentor who feels that your
mentee is not working well with you at all
and that perhaps you are wasting your time
mentoring him. Thoughts of terminating
the mentorship may occur in your mind.

Steven Lim with his mentee Nur Hayati
But you need to consider, if you terminate the mentorship now will the mentee
suffer from the feeling of abandonment? Will he have been better off if you
had not come into his life? Will he have performed better in school if you had
not interfered? If so, why? These are critical questions. There may be students
that do not lend themselves to the type of mentorship we provide. In such
instances it is important that we determine this quickly before we get too
deeply invested in the relationship and risk increasing the negative effects of
abandonment.

Alternatively, you may have a case of a mentee who is doing so well in school
that there seems little else for you to do. Does this mean it is not possible for
you to add any value? Have you challenged yourself sufficiently? A mentor’s role
is to help the mentee “reach his potential”. He may be doing well in school but
he may still have a lot of potential yet unlocked. You can gain an insight into his
potential through, for example, the HELP University personality, aptitude and
interests test package and you can do so by being present and observing him
during the Leadership Camp. And just like for him, in order to achieve his
potential you too may have to get out of your comfort zone and challenge
yourself as his mentor. It’s easy to not temper with something that isn’t broken.
But in the end, you must make sure you have done all you can (or all you wish to

do) to help the mentee. If you decide to just stay on the side lines, will it make
any difference at all for you to be his mentor?

There may be no clear cut answers for all these questions. But they need to be
asked and there are resources in the REF to assist us to find a way. If we are
going to spend our time (and the mentee’s time) in mentorship, we must make
sure that the time is well spent, making a positive difference. A mentorship that
in the end, we can look back and honestly say that the mentee is better off with
us than without us.

“Make a positive difference to a young life by helping those who want to help
themselves, and putting him/her on the start of the road to a better life.”
– The REF Vision



Sent: Tuesday, April 17, 2012 2:45 PM
Subject: REF Mentoring Snapshot: Time Equals Love

YMP-SNAP 0054
Time Equals Love

Once upon a time, there was an island where all
the feelings lived: Happiness, Sadness, Knowledge,
and all of the others, including Love. One day it
was announced to the feelings that the island
would sink, so all constructed boats and left.
Except for Love.

Love was the only one who stayed. Love wanted to
hold out until the last possible moment.
When the island had almost sunk, Love decided to ask for help.

Richness was passing by Love in a grand boat. Love said,
"Richness, can you take me with you?"
Richness answered, "No, I can't. There is a lot of gold and silver in my boat.
There is no place here for you."

Love decided to ask Vanity who was also passing by in a beautiful vessel.
"Vanity, please help me!"
"I can't help you, Love. You are all wet and might damage my boat," Vanity
answered.

Sadness was close by so Love asked, "Sadness, let me go with you."
"Oh . . . Love, I am so sad that I need to be by myself!"

Happiness passed by Love, too, but she was so happy that she did not even hear
when Love called her.

Suddenly, there was a voice, "Come, Love, I will take you." It was an elder. So
blessed and overjoyed, Love even forgot to ask the elder where they were going.
When they arrived at dry land, the elder went her own way. Realizing how much

was owed the elder,

Love asked Knowledge, another elder, "Who Helped me?"
"It was Time," Knowledge answered.
"Time?" asked Love. "But why did Time help me?"
Knowledge smiled with deep wisdom and answered, "Because only Time is
capable of understanding how valuable Love is."
Time and Love are an interrelated pair.

Teach with love. Use fear very sparingly. Some of the child’s self-confidence may
be lost each time fear is used.

A child equates love with time spent with him (or her). If in doubt about what
love means, just spend plenty of time with him. Remember,

“Our children need our presence, not our presents.” – Martin Luther King, Jr.


YMP-SNAP 0055
The REF Mentoring Process

Sharing at an REF mentor support group meeting
A poorly planned and unstructured mentoring
relationship can be a waste of time. Using a
systematic process, a mentor can become a
confidant, a teacher, a role model, a friend
and a nurturer of possibilities. The REF
mentoring process consists of Setting
Expectations, Execution, Monitoring and
Control. When each of the parts is done
effectively, the mentoring expectations are
met, and the student benefits positively from
your mentoring.

Set Expectation
The mentor is given a briefing at the inception of the mentorship and is
expected to familiarize himself (or herself) with the Mission and Objectives of
the REF. The Awardee/mentee gets an idea of what is expected of him (or her)
in the Awardee Pledge which he takes at a ceremony where he is presented at a
Rotary club meeting. At this ceremony, the mentor is also introduced to the
mentee. To identify the “base-line” of the mentee’s needs, it is now mandatory
that the mentor arrange for the mentee to take the HELP University’s Career Test
package. Together with these, the mentor works with the fresh mentee on
developing his goals for the mentorship using the Mentee Goal Setting
template. This is ideally done over the first few visits with the mentee.

Execution
During the regular visits to the mentee by the mentor, the One-on-One Session
tool is useful to help identify the objectives of each meeting clearly. Over time,
the mentor may give a copy of the tool for the mentee to fill up for the next
meeting so that the mentee can help define what it is that he would like to
discuss with the mentor ahead of time. Besides these, the Awardee Journal and
Passbook are tools to help the mentee record his thoughts and the REF activities
that he takes part in.

Monitor
It is advisable to review every six months to see if the mentoring process is on

track versus the goals set at the beginning of the mentorship. This can be done
using the Six-Monthly Check-up and Goal Review template. Once a year the
Awardee/mentee has to be assessed by the mentor/s as to whether he is to be
recommended for a renewal of the REF Award for another year. The EAA
Review template is to be used for this purpose. The mentor himself is also
advised to do an assessment of himself using the Mentor Self-Assessment
template once a year in order to ensure that he is providing the best quality
mentoring to the mentee.

Control
From time to time and as required, the REF may issue instructions and
announcements. This may be based on feedback for improvement obtained
from mentors and during discussions at, for example the quarterly Mentor
Support Group Meetings and the Annual Mentor Workshop.

Other mentoring tools and resources available
The Weekly Mentor Snapshots, the Mentor Manual – Guidelines and Policies,
and the HELP University, Faculty of Behavioral Sciences Counseling Service are
other resources and services available to the mentor (and mentee) should the
need arise for further assistance.

“The Mentoring Process” is described in detail in REF document YMP-0010 and is given to all
REF mentors. Please contact the REF for a copy.


Sent: Wednesday, May 02, 2012 4:59 PM
Subject: REF Mentoring Snapshot: Help Your Mentee Build Self-Belief

YMP-SNAP 0056
Help Your Mentee Build Self-Belief
Self belief is the most significant of all
personal values. To begin with, a person
must believe he (or she) has the potential
to do something or the capacity to help
himself to improve. From self belief, other
knowledge and skills can be learnt. From
self belief also comes values like courage
and determination.

It can be said that nothing is ever accomplished without self belief. Self-esteem
is your mentee's passport to lifetime mental health and social happiness. It's the
foundation of a child's well-being and the key to success as an adult. At all ages,
how you feel about yourself affects how you act.

Self-image is how one perceives oneself
The child looks in the mirror and likes the person he sees. He looks inside
himself and is comfortable with the person he sees. He must think of this self as
being someone who can make things happen and who is worthy of love. Parents
are the main source of a child's sense of self-worth.

Lack of a good self-image very often leads to behavior problems
Most of the behavioral problems come from poor self-worth. Why is one person
a delight to be with, while another always seems to drag you down? How
people value themselves, get along with others, perform at school, achieve at
work, and relate in marriage, all stem from strength of their self-image.

Healthy self-worth doesn't mean being narcissistic or arrogant;
It means having a realistic understanding of one's strengths and weaknesses,
enjoying the strengths and working on the problem areas. Because there is such
a strong parallel between how a person feels about himself and how a person
acts, helping your mentee build self-confidence is vital to discipline.

Throughout life your mentee will be exposed to positive influence builders and
negative influence breakers. Mentors can expose their mentee to more builders
and help him work through the breakers.

Self-belief is vital. How many things have we not done or tried because we
lacked belief in our self? Many fail to believe in themselves because others
didn’t. But as Eleanor Roosevelt so deftly put it:

“Nobody can make you feel inferior without your consent.”



Subject: REF Mentoring Snapshot: Mentor networking - We need to support each other

YMP-SNAP 0057
Mentor networking
– we need to support each other

At the last Mentor support group
meeting, I suggested that we open the
Mentoring Snapshot to fellow mentors
who may have something interesting to
contribute to help each other in our
mentoring experience. I mentioned that
the aims of Mentoring Snapshot are to:

§ Help define our mentoring
approach
§ Share mentoring ideas
§ Remind mentors of their duties
§ Share light moments in mentoring

The aims of course support the larger mission, which is to constantly improve the
quality of our mentoring. Although I’ve been a mentor with the REF for about 2
½ years, it took me sometime time to get a routine, get comfortable and not
stressed about what to do, what to say or how to fill up the time I spend with my
mentee. We created the resource Mentor Snapshot to talk about mentoring
especially under the REF, for busy people who wanted to make a difference in
the life of a young student. I tried to cover everything that would be helpful to
me. I also know that YOU as a mentor, have lots of ideas of your own that other
mentors could benefit from. How about swapping mentoring tips and techniques
with each other through the REF Mentoring Snapshot?

I think ongoing support and networking is essential. What do you think?

Submit your article to me and we will publish it under the Mentoring Snapshot.

“In the sweetness of friendship let there be laughter, and sharing of pleasures.

For in the dew of little things the heart finds its morning and is refreshed.”
Khalil Gibran
Have a nice day!

YL Yee


Subject: REF Mentoring Snapshot: Happiness is helping others - Transforming passion into compassion

YMP-SNAP 0058
Happiness is helping others
– Transforming passion into compassion

Passion is the energy that gets you up in
the morning; it is the fuel that drives
you to immerse yourself in your work
and deliver results. Compassion is the
energy that you extend to others; it is
the manifestation of caring and
concern. Though these two concepts
may not get equal time in the
discussion on values, they are equally
important.
Passion is spoken about frequently, though primarily in the abstract, as in having
a "passion for the job" or "passion for results." By contrast, compassion takes a
back seat; it's considered a nice-to-have attribute but few leaders speak publicly
about it. In truth, if you want to deliver on passion; that is, use it as a lever to
inspire others to achieve something sustainable, you must do so with
compassion - by recognizing and demonstrating your belief that what people do
matters.
Passion is often subjective. It is the zeal we feel when we are doing what we
enjoy and when we see the positive effects it has on us as well as the people
around us. Compassion, by contrast, is nurtured from within -- but it doesn't
have any effect until you apply it to others. It's no good being compassionate if
you never do anything for anyone.
Neither universal nor specific compassionate acts are totally altruistic acts; they
are the source of our own well-being. Seeking and finding a way of serving others
is a powerful source of happiness. “Happiness is in the cultivation of one's
garden,” says Voltaire in Candide's voice. But the ultimate serenity comes from

the cultivation of others' gardens.

Subject: REF Mentoring Snapshot: The Parable of the Pencil

YMP-SNAP 0059
The Parable of the Pencil

The Pencil Maker took the pencil aside, just
before putting him into the box.

"There are 5 things you need to know," he
told the pencil, "Before I send you out into
the world. Always remember them and never
forget, and you will become the best pencil
you can be."

"One: You will be able to do many great things, but only if you allow yourself to
be held in someone's hand."

"Two: You will experience a painful sharpening from time to time, but you'll need
it to become a better pencil."

"Three: You will be able to correct any mistakes you might make."

"Four: The most important part of you will always be what's inside."

"And Five: On every surface you are used on, you must leave your mark. No
matter what the condition, you must continue to write."

The pencil understood and promised to remember, and went into the box with
purpose in its heart.

As a Mentor, equip yourself and be prepared to hold your Mentee’s hand. Help
him (or her): to discover who he is, to take responsibility for his future and to
unlock his potential. Just like the pencil in the parable, your mentee is a special
person and only he can find the purpose that will give meaning and value to his
life. Never allow him to get discouraged and think that his life is insignificant and

that he cannot make a positive change.

“I believe that when you realize who you really are, you understand that nothing
can stop you from becoming that person.” – Christine Lincoln, Author


Subject: REF Mentoring Snapshot: Combining Theory with Practice

YMP-SNAP 0060
Combining Theory with Practice

Rotarians and guests sharing observations
on values with the students

The old adage of “putting theory to
practice” occurred this week at the
idyllic country surroundings of Pulau
Carey. Having taught the importance
of good values in our lives for the last
two years in a class room setting, the
REF realised that this year, there is an
opportunity to put it into practice with
some corporate CSR sponsorship.

Together with REF Awardees (from various schools), the REF Values Workshop
this year involved a big city school – SMK Sri Permata (pop. 1600 students) and a
small country school – SMK Pulau Carey (pop. 270 students). Forty students from
the city were bused in to Pulau Carey during the first two days of their first
semester holidays to do a two-day workshop on Values organised by the Rotary
club and conducted by trainers EQ Training and Development. Together with
fifteen students from SMK Pulau Carey, the students were asked what values
were important in their lives and were taught the importance of core life values
such as Self-Belief, Honesty, Compassion, Responsibility and Humility. Examples
of the lives of great historic role models like Nelson Mandela, Mahatma Gandhi,
Mother Theresa, Albert Einstein and Abraham Lincoln that personified the values
were shared with them. In addition, video clips of the values with a local flavor,
for e.g. in the national language and of kampong life were also used to help the
students appreciate the values better.

But most impactful was the opportunity given to the students to do a community
service project at the rural school. The students planted trees for SMK Pulau
Carey. The opportunity enabled them to live the values beyond the class room to
real life. Successfully combining the values with a practical service project
allowed the students to appreciate first-hand the value of “thinking beyond self”.

Student Noel Prince said, “I like the idea of the community service project. It was
simple but it enabled me to do something compassionate for my friends from
the Pulau Carey school which does not even have a constant supply of electricity
or water…”

Students from city and rural schools doing tree planting
at SMK Pulau Carey school
For the city students, it was a chance
to feel gratitude that their own city
school has all the basic facilities. For
the rural students, it was a chance to
feel the compassion displayed by city
school students who came all the way
to do a community service project with
them for their school. The trainers took
the opportunity to discussed both
values in detail at the post-project
debriefing.
As a mentor, do not under estimate the power of little things packaged together
with a meaningful lesson. It is sometimes the most powerful message we can
send. Keep communicating simple messages to your mentees to help them, most
of all through your example. Or as the present day adage puts it, let’s “walk the
talk.”


Sent: Tuesday, June 05, 2012 10:50 AM
Subject: FW: REF Mentoring Snapshot: The Promise

YMP-SNAP 0061
The Promise

A promising young mentee Ren Hau
After a short walk, the mentor sat the mentee
next to him on the park bench. Both gazing
straight ahead and soaking in the sight of the
magnificent kites fluttering just above the tree
tops, the mentor said, “Let’s talk about the
value of responsibility. Can you give me an
example of responsibility?”

The promising young mentee thought for a
moment and said tentatively, “Responsibility
to deliver on our promise?”

“Very good”, the mentor affirmed and then continued, “There are many types of
responsibility. There is the responsibility of your teachers to inspire you. There is
the responsibility of your parents to support you. There is the responsibility of
your government to provide education facilities for you. But none of these matter
if you don’t take personal responsibility. And only you can do that for your own
education.”

“But I come from a poor family? How can I afford a good education?” the mentee
asked.

The mentor then explained, “Your circumstance is no excuse for not taking
responsibility, no excuse for neglecting your homework or having a bad attitude,
and no excuse for not trying harder.” He pointed out, “In fact no matter what
circumstances you’re in, if you take responsibility, life will present you with
opportunities. All you need are; a belief in your own abilities, the honesty to
admit what you do not know, the courage to ask questions and the humility to
learn from others. Then help will be on the way and success will soon follow.”

Taking a deep breath, the mentor gushed, “And while you are achieving success,
always remember that it is your responsibility to be compassionate, to help
others achieve it too. The human capacity to achieve good things and to help
others achieve it too is unlimited, and is ultimately where our own true happiness
resides.”

Turning to face the mentee, the mentor concluded passionately, “And so we help
REF Awardees in their education because we see that they are prepared to help
themselves. That’s important. That’s their promise. That means taking personal
responsibility for their education. Because there isn’t a thing we can do for
someone who doesn’t take responsibility. If you don’t take responsibility for your
future, then you have no future.”

It was a lot to take in for the young mentee. Turning skywards to the kites again,
he thought to himself, pondering silently upon his own future.

As for the mentor, even as he boldly shared the lofty value, he wondered
privately to himself whether he could completely live up to it and worried about
his responsibility of being a good example. An imperfect individual doing the
serious job of a mentor. Yet he could relate strongly to the value of compassion
and was determined to honestly give his young charge his best care possible. In
the words of the mentee … to “deliver on his promise”.

© Rotary Club of Bukit Kiara Sunrise

Subject: REF Mentoring Snapshot: The Old Prophet

YMP-SNAP 0062
The Old Prophet contributed by Mohan G, Mentor

REF Mentee Harshini

One of the most important lessons one can learn
is that one’s fate is mostly in one’s hands. It is as
true now as it has ever been. As mentors, this is
one of the most valuable lessons we can impart
to our mentees – Responsibility to Self.

There is this story of an old prophet from the
East, where all prophets seem to come from. He
was known to be a wise man who knew what
others did not and who could see what others
could not.

One day, a brash young man, out to ruin the old man’s reputation, came before
him as he was addressing a large crowd. Holding a bird in his hands behind him,
the young man asked, “O wise one, what do I have in my hands?”

Knowing what it was, the prophet answered,

“You have a bird in your hands.”

A slight laughter went through the crowd which realized the young man’s
ignoble intent and was happy that the prophet had prevailed. A little
embarrassed, the young man said,

“Yes, it is. Now can you tell me if the bird is alive or dead?”

The wise prophet knew that the bird was a live one but had he said so, the young
man would have crushed it to death and shown a dead bird to prove the learned

one wrong. Had he said the bird was dead; the young challenger would have
shown a live bird and again proven him wrong. So the prophet replied,

“Whether the bird is alive or it is dead, that, too, is in your hands.”

In this parable, the bird represents one’s dreams and aspirations. They sit in our
hands, warm and expectant that we will keep them alive, help them grow and
take wing eventually. If we can do that we can face any challenge.


Sent: Monday, June 18, 2012 12:08 PM
Subject: REF Mentoring Snapshot: Make a better world, one life at a time ...

YMP-SNAP 0063
Make a better world, one life at a time ...

Perhaps too busy, even to spend the
minimum required time for your
promising mentee?

You, as a mentor, must realize that you
are in a position to make a difference
to the future of a young life – a
significant positive impact. You can
give self-belief and real hope.

Be conscious and sensitive. Open
yourself to the opportunity before you.

Esther Chong, mentee
Of course, we are busy. Yes, very busy. But what are we busy doing? Are we truly
in search of personal happiness and growth? Are we really being compassionate
and thinking beyond self?

You know, in the REF values education workshop, we teach students to think of a
“higher purpose in life”, a purpose beyond self, so that they give meaning to
their own life and to the lives of others as well. We tell them for example, that
when they are “successful” – when they graduate, when they find a good job,
when they contribute to society – they give meaning not just to their life, but to
the lives of their parents and the less fortunate as well. Can you see that? Yes!

And so, we teach them that, “in the well-being of all, we find our own complete
well-being”. Neither universal nor specific compassionate acts are
totally altruistic (selfless) acts; they are the source of our own well-being.
Seeking and finding a way of serving others is a powerful source of our own
happiness.

We teach students that when we educate ourselves, we become successful and
then we can help others more effectively. We say, “help yourself in order to be
better able to help others”. We can’t help others unless we help our self first,
but we are no good to anyone if we only help our self. This, we point out, must
be the ultimate aim of self-development and an education.

In all of this, as a mentor, you have an important role to play. Your mentee needs
you. Take a step back once in a while and ask, “What am I doing? Am I doing all
that I can to help my mentee develop and realize his potential?”

Make time, to find your own happiness. Believe that when you mentor well, it’s a
source of fulfillment. Put your heart into it, that the experience is one of
profound happiness – and not one of sadness and regret. Show your mentee by
your example, that real hope is taking responsibility and taking action with self-
belief. Help your mentee make a better start, a better life. And yes, when your
mentee’s successful, it can even be a source of meaning in your life…

“If you can't feed a hundred people, then feed just one.”
Mother Teresa

NB: To help define our approach and to provide good mentoring to our students, the REF provides short write-ups on its programme. While
these 5-minute “snapshot reads” are mainly for our mentors, they are also shared with friends of REF who may not be mentors.

Subject: REF Mentoring Snapshot: Give of your heart…A Tribute to Rotary

YMP-SNAP 0064
Give of your heart…A Tribute to Rotary

Since its formation, more than 100
years ago, Rotary International has
enabled many good people to have
good friendships and fellowship.

As a result of Rotary too, many good
men and women, have built strong
bridges of hope, in service to the less
fortunate. People like you, who aren’t
afraid to give. Give, not just of your
money but of your time and of your
caring too. In other words, give of your
heart.

Noriza Kemi, Pulau Carey
It is said that, “if you give your heart, you must be prepared for it to be broken.
And that grief is the price you pay for love. Yet for those who have not given of
their heart, they have not lived. And for those who have not lived, they have not
happiness.”

With the generosity of many of you, our Rotary Education Fund is one of many
projects that have allowed us to give of our hearts. Since the fund’s launch 3
years ago, 39 students have received mentoring and financial assistance, and
over 150 students have undergone leadership training and values education.
Through the activities of the fund, we have also been able to give the valuable
gifts of Self-Belief and Real Hope to the promising lives of the young and the
under-privileged.

And so this month, on the 20th
Anniversary of our Rotary club, we celebrate not
just another dawning of a new club leadership but also the bountiful Spirit of
Rotary, that which has sustained us all these years. This spirit simply stands for,

“Fellowship through Service” and “Service above Self”.

To Rotary International, a great organization of over 34,000 clubs and 1.2 million
members worldwide and may it last another 100 years and more.

these 5-minute “snapshot reads” are mainly for our mentors, they are also sometimes shared with friends of REF who may not be mentors.

Subject: REF Mentoring Snapshot: The Five Key REF Values

Dear Mentors,

This issue of the Mentoring Snapshot is particularly important. Have a good read.

I also enclose for your information the detailed programme for the recently held Values Education
Workshop (at Pulau Carey) so that you have an appreciation of the activities that took place and can ask
your mentee at your next meeting for their views of and what they learnt there.

Rgds,
YL Yee
The REF

YMP-SNAP 0065
The Five Key REF Values

This year, at the Values Education
Workshop in Pulau Carey, the REF
introduced a new Values Education
curriculum based on the experience
we have accumulated over the last
three years.

To recap, the main objectives of the
REF programme can be summarized
as follows. To:
§ Assist students to stay in full time
education, making appropriate
career/tertiary education choices;
§ Nurture students into good
citizens.

The REF is a values-based holistic education programme. This means it promotes
an educational philosophy that is based on valuing self, others and the
environment through the teaching of humanitarian and ethical values. The REF
helps each person find identity, purpose, and meaning in life through
connections to the community, to the natural world, and through humanitarian

values such as humility and compassion.

Self-belief is the most significant of all personal values. To begin with, a person
must believe he (or she) has the potential to do something or the capacity to
improve. With self-belief, other values can be learnt.

While the REF can support the student in his education (and self-discovery), the
student himself must take personal responsibility for it. In other words, he must
be “prepared to help himself”. If he does that, life will present him with the
necessary opportunities. To take this responsibility, he needs to have: the
honesty to admit what he does not know, the self-belief (or courage) to ask
questions and the humility to learn from others. And then, help and success will
come.

Besides personal responsibility, an individual also has a responsibility to his
family and community, which too is fulfilled through a proper education. Here,
together with the other values mentioned, the value of compassion (caring for
others) will help the student become a useful member of the family and a good
citizen, and will enable him to eventually gain real happiness in life.

And so in order to achieve the programme objectives, the new REF values
curriculum, besides covering values in general, focuses attention on the five
simple and easy to understand values of Self-Belief, Responsibility, Honesty,
Humility and Compassion – the “5 Key REF Values” – to help each student get a
better start, a better life.

As an REF mentor, you too must emphasize and model these values to the
mentees.

NB: To help define our approach and to provide good mentoring to our students, the REF provides short write-ups on its
programme. While these 5-minute “snapshot reads” are mainly for our mentors, they are also sometimes shared with friends
of REF who may not be mentors.

Sent: Thursday, July 12, 2012 1:03 PM
Subject: REF Mentoring Snapshot: Customising the REF mentoring process

YMP-SNAP 0066
Customising the REF mentoring process

Noel Prince, SMJK Vivekananda
In an effort to provide structure to
the mentoring process, the REF has
provided several tools to be used
with the mentee throughout the
mentorship. (Refer to Mentoring
Snapshot 0055 for a brief description
of the REF mentoring process.)

However, different mentees may
have different circumstances and
needs with regards to their education
at the point in time when the mentor
enters his (or her) life.

Some better mentees may have reached a certain level of maturity and
appreciate a more free flowing approach to mentoring while other weaker ones
may be still struggling with basic discipline and will therefore require a more
structured approach. The tools are meant to provide this structure when
required.

Because a mentor normally only spends about two hours a month with the
mentee, there is little opportunity to get to know him well initially. That’s why
the REF requests that the mentee undergoes the HELP University’s Career Test
package (Aptitude, Personality and Interests tests) to determine the “base-line”
so that among others, a more rational approach to his mentoring can be
established. Thereafter, the REF mentoring process may be customised to suit
the mentee by using all or some of the tools provided. It is up to the individual
mentor to decide this as best he can, with input from the tests and the on-going
experience with the mentee.

In order to determine the most appropriate approach (i.e. more or less
structure), the mentor needs to be very honest with his (or her) assessment of
the mentee’s circumstances and needs, and not himself display a lack of
discipline by reducing the number of tools arbitrarily, when that’s not what’s
best for the mentee. Remember, the mentee’s needs and his proper
development are the prime considerations here.

As a mentor, when in doubt about how detailed or structured you should be,
always apply the illuminating mentoring litmus test, i.e. ask yourself the
question, “when I look back at the end of the mentorship, has my presence in the
life of the student made a positive impact, no impact or a negative impact on his
development?” If the answer is the first, then you have passed the mentoring
litmus test. If it is the 2nd
or 3rd
, then you need to immediately reassess the
process you are using. Apply this litmus test regularly in your mentoring.
Remember, if you are unsure, you can always refer to REF resources such as the
Youth Mentoring Programme (YMP) lead who will be glad to call on additional
suitable assistance to support you.


Subject: REF Mentoring Snapshot: The Mentoring Litmus test

Dear Mentors,

In this issue, I have reissued Mentoring Snapshot no. YMP-SNAP 0053 as “The Mentoring Litmus Test”.

I am sure you will agree with me of its importance.

Rgds,
YL

YMP-SNAP 0067
The Mentoring Litmus Test

Is your mentee better off with you as his
(or her) mentor? Or does your
involvement make no significant
difference to him? Worse still, as a
mentor, are you having an adverse
effect on your mentee?

You may be a mentor who feels that
your mentee is not working well with
you at all and that perhaps you are
wasting your time mentoring him.
Thoughts of terminating the mentorship
may occur in your mind.

Student Harshini being mentored by Karen and Yoke Leong
But you need to consider, if you terminate the mentorship now, will the
mentee suffer from the feeling of abandonment? Will he have been better off if
you had not come into his life? Will he have performed better in school if you
had not interfered? If so, why? These are critical questions. There may be
students that do not lend themselves to the type of mentorship we provide. In
such instances it is important that we determine this quickly before we get too
deeply invested in the relationship and risk increasing the negative effects of
abandonment.

Alternatively, you may have a case of a mentee who is doing so well in school

that there seems little else for you to do. Does this mean it is not possible for
you to add any value? Have you challenged yourself sufficiently? A mentor’s role
is to help the mentee “reach his potential”. He may be doing well in school but
he may still have a lot of potential yet unlocked. You can gain an insight into his
potential through, for example, the HELP University personality, aptitude and
interests test package and you can do so by being present and observing him
during the Leadership Camp. And just like for him, in order to achieve his
potential you too may have to get out of your comfort zone and challenge
yourself as his mentor. It’s easy to not temper with something that isn’t broken.
But in the end, you must make sure you have done all you can (or all you wish to
do) to help the mentee. If you decide to just stay on the side lines, will it make
any difference at all for you to be his mentor?

There may be no clear cut answers for all these questions. But they need to be
asked and there are resources in the REF to assist us to find a way. If we are
going to spend our time (and the mentee’s time) in mentorship, we must make
sure that the time is well spent, making a positive difference. A mentorship that
in the end, we can look back and honestly say that the mentee is better off with
us than without us. That’s the “mentoring litmus test”. Apply the test regularly
in your mentoring.

“Make a positive difference to a young life by helping those who want to help
themselves, and putting him/her on the start of the road to a better life.”
– The REF Vision


Subject: REF Mentoring Snapshot: The Two Frogs

YMP-SNAP 0068
Two Frogs

“A group of frogs were traveling through
the woods, and two of them fell into a
deep pit. When the other frogs saw how
deep the pit was, they told the two frogs
that they were as good as dead.

The two frogs ignored the comments and
tried to jump up out of the pit with all
their might. The other frogs kept telling
them to stop, that they were as good as
dead.

Finally, one of the frogs took heed to
what the other frogs were saying and
gave up. He fell down and died.

The other frog continued to jump as hard as he could. Once again, the crowd of
frogs yelled at him to stop the pain and just die. He jumped even harder and
finally made it out.

When he got out, the other frogs said, "Did you not hear us?"

The frog thought the others were encouraging him the entire time and thanked
them for their encouragement. The frog was deaf.”

There is power of life and death in the tongue. An encouraging word to someone
who is down can lift them up and help them make it through the day. A
destructive word to someone who is down can be what it takes to kill them.

As a mentor, be careful of what you say. Speak life to those who cross your path.
The power of words. It is sometimes hard to understand that an encouraging

word can go such a long way. Anyone can speak words that tend to rob another
of the spirit to continue in difficult times. Special is the individual who will take
the time to encourage another.


Subject: REF Mentoring Snapshot: Staying focused on the Big Picture

YMP-SNAP 0069
Staying focused on the Big Picture

Letchumanan, SMK Bandar Utama

How can we truly help our mentee?
Is our role just to visit him (or her),
to let him know that there is
someone who cares, just in case he
needs help? Not completely. We
can do much more than that. Your
mentee has been identified as
someone with potential. He has a
desire to succeed. But he may not
know how to or what success
means. Here’s where you can make
a positive contribution.

We need to help him see the big picture, so that he is not caught up and dragged
down with the day-to-day routine. If, based on a sound assessment, we can help
him discover what his true career ambition is then he can focus on achieving
that. We can help him develop and set goals on the way to the big picture (the
“ultimate goal”). Importantly, he needs to recognise that along the way, he may
sometimes have to do some things that he “may not like”. For instance, if the
mentee wants to be an architect, he will have to do chemistry for now, while in
high school, even if he may not like the subject. He has to learn about delayed
gratification, i.e. not only to do the things that he likes, but also to do the things
that are right. We need to point out to him that he doesn’t have to like every
intermediate sacrifice, so long as he loves the ultimate goal. By staying focused
on the big picture when the going gets tough, he can complete that difficult
building block in order to reach the ultimate goal. That’s the way of top
performers.

“Tiger Woods hits a thousand balls each practice session. Does he enjoy it?
No. But he enjoys being Number 1.”

What is the “big picture” for your mentee? As mentor, you need to help him
discover that. For a start, you need to help him understand what his strengths
and weaknesses are – who he is. For this, besides getting to know him through
the visits, there is the HELP University career test package to assist you in
identifying his career options. With that, help him develop a “road map” with
clearly defined, achievable milestones or intermediate goals. Work on
developing his strengths and addressing those “success preventing” weaknesses.

You are mentoring a real person. It’s serious business. If you really want to help
him, you’ve got to know him well. But don’t make his decisions for him. Help him
with the information gathering, the exposure and the analysis. He (together with
his family) has to decide, simply because he knows his circumstances better and
he has to live the consequences of his decisions – not the mentor.

The road map can change over time, with new discoveries, experiences and
learnings, provided it is for the better. Even career ambitions can change. So stay
open to this. But don’t just change without a sound basis.

Finally, don’t forget to add some fun to the road map too. Students do learn
better when they enjoy it.


Sent: Tuesday, August 07, 2012 3:02 PM

YMP-SNAP 0070
Co-Mentoring and the Importance of Alignment

The REF mentoring system is one
that requires mentors to be paired,
i.e. a “co-mentoring” system.
Generally an experienced mentor
is paired with a new or less
experienced mentor. The reason
for having a co-mentoring system
are:
§ Better safety and security
when mentors have to visit
challenging neighbourhoods
Mentors James Cheong and Junie Yeoh with mentee Jaasjit (ctr)
§ Opportunity to compare notes, providing mutual feedback to improve
mentoring quality
§ Availability of a back-up in case one is not available
§ Presence of a witness in case of unfair or wrongful accusations by mentee
§ It makes for a more interesting experience than going alone

While there are many advantages, the biggest risk in co-mentoring occurs when
both mentors are not communicating well with one another, leading to
ineffectiveness. This results in the mentee receiving conflicting signals and mixed
messages. To overcome this issue, the concept of goal and strategy alignment is
important. Agree between mentors what the emphasis and the results of the
mentoring ought to be and be keenly aware that the process may go off track
due to lack of coordination. Because of this, it is important to set the goals and
strategies clearly and explicitly as early on as possible, so that miscommunication
between mentors (and the mentee) can be minimized, if not altogether
eliminated. Step back once in a while and do a “reality check” by asking, “Are we
meeting the objectives that we set for ourselves in the beginning?” And if not,
ask, “why not?”


NB: To help define our approach and to provide good mentoring to our students, the REF provides short write-ups on its programme.
While these 5-minute “snapshot reads” are mainly for our mentors, they are also sometimes shared with friends of REF who may not be
mentors.

Subject: REF Mentoring Snapshot: It’s our constraint, not their lack of potential

YMP-SNAP 0071
It’s our constraint, not their lack of potential

The role of REF mentoring is to help
those who already have a desire to
help themselves (the “desire”),
achieve their potential. It is not to
say that those that do not
demonstrate that desire do not need
help - that’s a job for trained
professionals such as teachers,
counselors and psychologists (not
REF mentors). While REF mentors are
working professionals who are part-
time volunteers prepared to share
their time and experience to nurture
a student we are however not
trained to help such challenging
cases.

Mentor Chian Khai with student Sonia
Because we have to match our strengths with student needs, it immediately
constraints us to selecting only from the group of students that are able to be
helped effectively through our type of mentoring.

What kinds of students can we help? Students come in all “shapes and sizes”. Some
are currently doing well in their studies, some are not. Doing well academically*
coupled with a good attitude** are strong indicators that a student has already
begun to take responsibility for his (or her) future – already has a demonstrable
desire. Such a student is a prime candidate for REF mentorship. Yet present among
those that are not currently doing well in their studies may be those who may yet
eventually find their way to success through academics or otherwise, because they
discover their calling later in life. But the REF is less effective at uncovering and
nurturing such candidates.

REF mentoring is therefore a developmental process to support students who are
already strong academically. An REF mentor then proceeds to mould such a student
to greater heights, to achieve his potential. In particular, the REF makes sure that a
student doesn’t go off the rails because he is in financial difficulty. The mentor acts
as a “compass” for the mentee, guiding him in the right direction by helping him
develop strong values, most effectively through role modeling. But the mentee
must understand that he has to do the honest hard work necessary to succeed.

It is not the role of an REF mentor to help a weak student become a strong one, but
it is his (or her) role to help a strong student stay strong or become a stronger one.
Compassion and good intention on our part are not sufficient to nurture a weak
student to success. While our strength is in moulding young people who already
have the “desire” and nurturing this spark into a flame, we have to recognise our
constraints and we must therefore not bite off more than we can chew. It’s our
constraint, not their lack of potential.

An REF mentor must ensure that he attends all support sessions provided by the
REF in order to equip himself well for the serious business of mentoring. Never
forget that we are dealing with a real person in the mentee and our performance as
a mentor has a strong bearing on his future. Recognising our constraints along with
utilising our strengths are how we define our niche, and how we can best deliver
value to the community.

*The REF Awardee Selection Guide stipulates the minimum academic qualifications.
**Good attitude here means that they are already subscribing or are likely to subscribe to the REF Values, namely
Self-confidence, Honesty, Responsibility, Humility and Compassion.

NB: To help define our approach and to provide good mentoring to our students, the REF provides short write-ups on its programme. While these 5-
minute “snapshot reads” are mainly for our mentors, they are also sometimes shared with friends of REF who may not be mentors.


YMP-SNAP 0072
Help now – the time is right

When is the right time and when is
the wrong time to deliver help to
someone in need? To be sure, with
REF mentoring, the right time is
always now.

Seize the day before it slips away.
Do it now and realize that few things
are as important and as meaningful
as helping a promising young life
find his (or her) way. And you know
what? You have the key to this one.

Awardee Ren Hau (Form 4) at the Values
Education Workshop 2012

Give that birthday present when you have the chance to, visit him often when he is
still around and mentor him when you can still make a difference. Most other
things can wait.

Challenge yourself always, “Am I doing the best within my constraints?” Walk with
him now. You are ready and you must do what you should with urgency and
purpose. Reveal to him the secrets as you know them. You have chosen and in
turn, you are gifted with the opportunity. It is too easy to find yourself delaying
your help and discovering later that when you are “ready”, your student is not
where he should be because you were not there when it counted most. Mentoring
bears a similarity to parenting; be there (and do all you should) now when the
mentee will respond, for later he may not, even if he needs you still.

“It is indeed misery when I stretch an empty hand to men and receive nothing; but
it is hopelessness if I stretch a full hand and find none to receive.”
Kahlil Gibran
NB: To help define our approach and to provide good mentoring to our students, the REF provides short write-ups on its programme. While these
5-minute “snapshot reads” are mainly for our mentors, they are also sometimes shared with friends of REF who may not be mentors.


YMP-SNAP 0073
Developing focus and avoiding distraction

There is a positive and a negative
aspect to daydreaming. The positive
aspect is that daydreaming can be a
fountain of creative ideas. The
negative aspect is that when it
occurs at the wrong time it can be a
bad distraction, when the mind
wonders while somebody else is
talking to you or when you are
supposed to be concentrating on
completing your work or meeting a
deadline.

Daydreaming is a common feature among children who have not yet learnt to focus
completely on a task at hand or when someone is talking with them. They have not
trained their minds so as not to jump randomly from one subject to another, often
leading to a lack of concentration. This is called the “monkey mind” at play – like a
monkey jumping from tree to tree.

As we grow older and more mature, we learn to train our mind to focus better until
the best among us reaches the stage of having “single focus”. That’s when we get
peak performance. This requires training the mind, deliberate training. But before
that, it needs the awareness, the keen observation and the acceptance that the
untrained mind behaves like that, jumping around all the time, even when we don’t
want it to. Then it requires deliberate practice to train our mind to focus. It requires
practicing constantly so that one day, (single) focus becomes second nature,
becomes a work ethic. Then the mind becomes disciplined.

Yet we must not lose our ability to dream and daydream, because that’s how we
discover our vision, set stretch goals and creatively find our way to achieving them.
But with a disciplined mind we are able to dream when we’re supposed to and focus
when we should be focusing. It is called being deliberate in our thinking and not
“day dreaming when we should be focusing”.

Find a right opportunity to share this thought with your mentee.

“When I was a child, I spoke like a child;
I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child.
When I became a man, I gave up childish ways.
For now we see in a mirror dimly, but then face to face.
Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I have been fully known.”
1 Corinthians 13:11-12*
*Sometimes a selected quotation may be from a religious book or a religious leader and due recognition is given. The quotation is
selected purely because of its quality and relevance to the subject matter being presented. It is not the intention of the writer to
teach or spread that religion. Unless expressly stated, all opinions in the article are purely that of the writer and not necessarily that
of the REF.


YMP-SNAP 0074
Hitting a Home Run

Awardees Esther Chong and Lau Siew Wei at the
the Rotary club’s recent Tree Planting Project,
Raja Musa Forest Reserve
For those who have not had the
experience of playing base ball, hitting a
home run has to be one of the greatest
immediate feelings of accomplishments.
Most times, you do not feel any impact
of the bat on the ball in your hands
because you hit the ball right on the
sweet spot of the bat.

Yet hitting a home run does not just
happen by chance. The right preparation,
the back swing, the hit (impact), the
follow-through and ultimately the finish,
have all got to be properly coordinated
and executed.

Similarly mentoring has its component steps to be done right before success can
happen. Using the base ball home run as an analogy, the corresponding
components of REF mentoring are (for example):

Preparation New mentor training, HELP Career Testing (baseline) of
mentee
Backswing Setting the visit dates, mentoring goal setting
Hit Mentoring visits, one-on-one mentoring session
objectives, mentee journaling
Follow-through Visit report, 6-monthly report to Sponsor, mentoring
goal review, mentor support group meetings
Finish Student does well for exams and goes to University or
College or Vocational School of choice

Unless all of these components are in place and properly executed, success will
not follow. For example, some mentors may be good at scheduling visits

regularly and communicating with their mentee. But unfortunately, they are
poor in their “follow-through” work, such as filling and submitting the 6-monthly
report to the (financial) sponsor – consequently leaving the sponsor in the dark
and disappointed. As a result the sponsor may not provide a renewal of the
sponsorship, leaving the REF short of funds it would otherwise have. If such
funds are not forthcoming, some students may not receive the funding they
should, or some REF activity may have to be curtailed, leading possibly to a poor
mentoring “finish”.

REF mentoring is a team effort, some of which may be transparent to the
mentor, especially the (equally) important back room administrative support and
fund raising work. But if any component, of the process falters, the success of the
whole mentorship is jeopardized. Just like in base ball, you and your team must
mutually support each other to ensure success. This applies to team morale too.

As a volunteer mentor (Rotarians included), ensure that your part, your
responsibilities and obligations, as required by the REF are all fulfilled. Once
these components are properly executed, you can be sure that you hit the ball
right on the sweet spot of the bat and then a “home run” in your mentoring of
the student.

“Be thorough; preparation, execution, follow-through, FINISH.
If you have the courage to start, then have the commitment to finish."



YMP-SNAP 0075
The Rose Within

“A man planted a rose and watered it faithfully
and before it blossomed, he examined it.

He saw the bud that would soon blossom, but
noticed thorns upon the stem and he thought,
‘How can any beautiful flower come from a plant
burdened with so many sharp thorns?’ Saddened
by this thought, he neglected to water the rose,
and just before it was ready to bloom... it died.”

So it is with many people. Within every soul there is a rose. The God-like
qualities planted in us at birth, grow amid the thorns of our faults. Many of us
look at ourselves and see only the thorns, the defects.

We despair, thinking that nothing good can possibly come from us. We neglect
to water the good within us, and eventually it dies. We never realize our
potential.

Some people do not see the rose within themselves; someone else must show
it to them. One of the greatest gifts a person can possess is to be able to reach
past the thorns of another, and find the rose within them.

This is one of the characteristics of love... to look at a person, know their true
faults and accepting that person into your life... all the while recognizing the
nobility in their soul. Help your mentee realize she (or he) can overcome her
shortcomings. If we show her the "rose" within herself, she will conquer her
thorns. Only then will she blossom many times over.


programme. While these 5-minute “snapshot reads” are mainly for our mentors, they are also sometimes shared with
friends of REF who may not be mentors.

Sent: Thursday, September 20, 2012 4:14 PM

YMP-SNAP 0076
Choices, Actions and Consequences

Jaasjit Kaur, SMK Bukit Bandaraya
“You didn’t sms me last night when you
came home late?”

“I forgot. Dad, I know it’s good to sms when
I have to come home late but sometimes in
the midst of work I can’t remember all those
things.”

“I would never do that to your mum. I’ll
always call when I have to come home late.
That’s why we have a good relationship. It’s
the kind of person you choose to be. It will
determine the quality of relationships you
have. For me, it is family first, work second.
It’s your choice. But remember, the
consequences of your choices are also yours
to live. J ”

“Point noted, Dad. But you know it is family first for me too. Just ‘cause of this
doesn’t mean it is work or play first. I can’t be expected to be perfect.”

“Yes, I know. But the closer you get to the ideal, the higher the quality of a
relationship. I know you are not perfect. But be careful not to make that an
excuse.”

“I’ll try harder next time, Dad.J ”

The decision on any personal action is always our choice. And therefore, the kind
of person we wish to be is also our choice. Every action has consequences. And
we have to live the consequences of our choices. Good actions have good
consequences and bad actions have bad ones.

We are all interdependent on one another, even on those that we may not know
and on our environment. Futures are forged by even the ripples we make today.

And so in the wellbeing of all, we find our own complete wellbeing. That’s why
relationships are important and therefore the quality of those relationships too.
Notice how, if we are “happy” but the people around us are unhappy or our
environment is polluted, we cannot be completely happy.

Values like being “caring” and “present” enough to call when you are going to be
late bode well in a relationship. And so are REF values like self-belief,
responsibility, honesty, humility and compassion. Our values determine the
quality of our relationships. If we base our decisions and actions on good values,
the chances are we will have good relationships and good consequences.
“Nobody ever did, or ever will, escape the consequences of his choices.”
Alfred A. Montapert, writer

programme. While these 5-minute “snapshot reads” are mainly for our mentors, they are also sometimes shared with friends of
REF who may not be mentors.


YMP-SNAP 0077
Independence and Freedom

Awardee Lenard with Mentor Poay Lim
at the the Rotary club’s recent Tree Planting
Project, Raja Musa Forest Reserve
What’s the difference between
independence and freedom? Dictionary
definitions typically state the following:
Independence is being free from the
control, influence, support, aid, or the like
of others; whereas freedom is the state of
being free or at liberty rather than in
confinement or under physical restraint.

Holistically though, one interpretation
would be to view independence as being
free from the oppression of outer forces
whereas freedom is being free from the
oppression of inner forces.

When you are a child, independence means being able to do things without
having to get permission from your parents or your teachers. It means reaching a
level of responsibility when others can trust you to do the right thing when you
are left to your own devices. When you are an adult, independence typically
means developing the capacity to be financially independent. It means that your
savings provide income to cover your lifestyle without the need for you to work
for a paycheck.

Freedom on the other hand is a state of mind. It means achieving a state of true
personal happiness. Freedom begins with the understanding of who you are,
learning to take responsibility and eventually being the best you can. Freedom
involves appreciating what good values mean and adopting them to guide your
perceptions and actions. Values like the 5 key REF values of self-belief,
responsibility, honesty, humility and compassion. It means feeling that you are
empowered to free yourself from self-imposed limitations, personal demons like
greed, fear, worry, guilt, anger and selfishness, the “inner forces of oppression”
that are restricting you from achieving your real potential. Freedom begins with
getting a good education, learning to have a better understanding of life.

Looking at it this way, independence and freedom are clearly different.
Independence is the lesser virtue, if it is even a virtue at all. It is neither
necessary nor sufficient in order to be free. Indeed, it is possible to be free and
yet wholly dependent. For e.g. we will never be fully independent of our society,
yet when we are able to be responsible and disciplined, we are free to pursue
our personal happiness.

Achieving freedom requires mental discipline along with work to be sure we
clean house of the issues of the inner forces of oppression, barriers that crowd
and cloud our thinking.

What do we do with freedom when we have it? We will cover this in a future
issue.

“Education is the key to unlock the golden door of freedom.”
George Washington Carver

Sent: Thursday, October 04, 2012 10:13 AM

YMP-SNAP 0078
Eagles in a storm

Did you know that an eagle knows when a storm is
approaching long before it breaks?

The eagle will fly to some high spot and wait for the
winds to come. When the storm hits, it sets its
wings so that the wind will pick it up and lift it
above the storm. While the storm rages below, the
eagle is soaring above it. The eagle does not escape
the storm. It simply uses the storm to lift it higher.
It rises on the winds that bring the storm.

When the storms of life come upon us - and all of us will experience them - we
can rise above them by setting our minds and our belief in our self and our
abilities. We do not have to avoid the storms nor do they have to overcome us.
We can allow our self-belief to lift us above them.

Self-belief enables us to ride the winds of the storm that bring sickness, tragedy,
failure and disappointment in our lives. We can soar above the storm.
Remember,

“It is better to sleep on what you plan to do
than to be kept awake by what you've done.

It's not the burdens of life that weigh us down;
it is how we handle them.

Never bend your head. Hold it high.
Look the world straight in the eye.”
Helen Keller


Sent: Tuesday, October 09, 2012 10:47 AM

YMP-SNAP 0079
Finding Happiness

Awardee Lau Siew Wei at the the Rotary club’s recent
Tree Planting Project, Raja Musa Forest Reserve
Everyone has the ability to understand
better what life is all about, if they are
prepared to make the effort.
Unfortunately, many do not take the
trouble to do so.

What is more important may not be
whether there is an afterlife but what
we do with the life that we have today.
Are you happy now? For many, the aim
of life is to “live happily” or just simply
to be happy.

What does this mean and how do we attain this?

While we may be the result of our past, we have the power to determine our
future. The decision on any personal action is always our choice. And therefore,
the kind of person we wish to be is also our choice. Every action has
consequences. And we have to live the consequences of our choices. Good
actions have good consequences and bad actions have bad ones.

The distinction between good and bad may be viewed as: all actions that have
their roots in values such as greed, selfishness, anger and hatred are bad. All
actions that are rooted in noble values (or “virtues”) such as generosity, honesty,
responsibility, humility and compassion are good. Or to put it another way,
generally actions rooted in self-centeredness are bad while actions rooted in
selflessness are good.

If we persist with bad actions, we will experience bad consequences. This will
invariably lead to “suffering”, the opposite of happiness. Therefore the way to
“end” suffering and find happiness is to practice good actions; cultivate good
qualities. It begins with understanding what good values are; in other words,
getting a good “values education”. Gaining a better understanding in this way is
gaining wisdom, and this requires effort.

We have control over our present life now; on the choices we make and the
actions we take. President Abraham Lincoln once said, “Most people are about as
happy as they make up their minds to be.”

If we are happy but the people around us are unhappy or our environment is
polluted, we cannot be completely happy.

“Real happiness” is a happiness that does not violate the happiness of others,
and one that is also helpful. In fact it supports the happiness of others; an
unselfish happiness that helps others gain it too. No matter what predicament
you may find yourself in today, there is always someone who is less fortunate
than you. Learn to count your blessings and then help someone. That way, you
will find your happiness.

“If you want happiness for an hour — take a nap.
If you want happiness for a day — go fishing.
If you want happiness for a year — inherit a fortune.
If you want happiness for a lifetime — help someone else.”
Chinese Proverb

Find a right time to share this thought with your mentee.


Sent: Wednesday, October 17, 2012 11:15 AM

YMP-SNAP 0080
Where we are with the REF

Awardee Letchumanan at the the Rotary club’s recent
“Learn to Fly” Project – Flight Simulator, Telekon Museum
The beauty of Rotary is in being able
to bridge great resources with great
needs.

Thank you. Your support has given
every member involved, especially
the working committee, inspiration
and faith that with the REF, we are
doing the right thing. Now with the
Yayasan Rotary collaboration, we
are even more convinced. We see
the seeds of everyone’s hard work
and commitment beginning to
bloom into flowers.

In the REF, we have something special and significant. Many dream of a
community service project with a potential like this, but together we are making
it real. You are important. Your contribution has made this possible. If you are
not participating in this project yet, we continue to welcome you to this journey.

Of course despite the nobility of this project, those of us as members, must not
and will not forget about the rest of the club agenda. Indeed we must divide our
resources accordingly, ensuring every part of the club gets our attention.

Notwithstanding this, now with the Yayasan Rotary collaboration, we are at the
doorstep of a great opportunity. Indications are a number of clubs will join us in
starting their own REF with our help. It is early days yet, and we must well
manage our expectations. Let those of us who can, drive harder to help the
other clubs get this benefit to more needy students and families.
“Some men give up their designs when they have almost reached the goal.
While others, on the contrary, obtain a victory by exerting, at the last moment,

more vigorous efforts than ever before.”
Herodotus, The Histories

We will continue to need your support.



YMP-SNAP 0081
Self-Belief

The Professor stood before his class of
twenty senior organic biology
students, about to hand out the final
exam.

"I want to say that it's been a pleasure
teaching you this semester. I know
you've all worked extremely hard and
many of you are off to medical school
after summer.

So that no one gets their GPA messed up because they might have been
celebrating a bit too much this week, anyone who would like to opt out of the
final exam today will receive a 'B' for the course."

There was much rejoicing in the class as students got up, walked to the front of
the class, and took the Professor up on his offer.

As the last taker left the room, the Professor looked out over the handful of
remaining students and asked, "Anyone else? This is your last chance."

One final student rose up and opted out of the final.

The Professor closed the door and took attendance of those students
remaining. "I'm glad to see you believe in yourself," he said. "You all get 'A's."



YMP-SNAP 0082
Real People

“They slide their patched up wounded
into the ambulance,
like loaves into a bread truck.
Yet they never forget that those
packages are people…”
M*A*S*H, Episode 7, Season 5

In the hustle and bustle of our busy
lives, we must remember that our
mentee is a real person. We lapse and
do not meet him (or her) at the end of
the month. Sometimes we say, “It’s ok”.
We neglect to pre-arrange the next meeting at the end of the present session
and say that “I’ll call you to make the next appointment, next month”. Next
month comes along and we do not make the appointment. Not high in our list of
priorities. Pretty soon, two months pass and before we know it, it is late. By the
time the exam comes along it is too late; too late to make an impact, the positive
difference we are capable of. Not that the student doesn’t need us anymore. But
he has now lost faith in our ability to be serious, about his future. He soldiers on
nevertheless, without us. Or maybe, he has settled for another guide; one
perhaps not as “qualified” as us. If only we had been more present.

Mentoring is a serious business. We are
dealing with a real person, who will respond
positively to our compassion. Compassion is
the most effective – some even say divine –
intervention in a person’s life to help him
onto and along the road to success. This
period in his life, 12-18 years old, is termed
by psychologists as the period of “Identity
vs. Role Confusion”, as he makes the
transition from childhood to adulthood; he

ponders the roles he will play in the adult
world. During this period, you as mentor
play a pivotal role.

Just like the doctors and medics in the M*A*S*H unit, let us always remember
that our mentee is a sensitive, real person in need; during his most vulnerable
and impressionable time. Approach your work with the planning, dedication and
meticulousness of a surgeon; with the awareness, care and deliberateness of a
good companion – with compassion, with mindfulness – and your mentee will
have a bright future. That’s why you were engaged. Finally, remember to add
spontaneity. Young people learn a lot better if it’s fun too.

NB: M*A*S*H stands for Mobile Army Surgical Hospital.



YMP-SNAP 0083
Let happiness find you

Students planting trees at the recent
REF Values Workshop in May 2012
A few weeks ago, we talked about
happiness and how we cannot be
completely happy unless the people
around us are also happy and that we
at least make a sincere effort to help
them be happy. Because we are not
perfect, our compassion or serving
the community in general, is not
purely altruistic. It has an ultimate
connection to our own personal
happiness. But that’s all right, so long
as we are also determined to learn to
reduce the traces of selfishness over
time, we are on the right path.

Everyone can do something to help others. Even young students can do so. In our
Values Education workshop, we say to the students that if they study hard and
be successful in the future, they will not only be helping themselves but also
their parents attain their happiness in life – giving meaning to the lives of their
parents. Or that if they take the workshop seriously and then do well in their
exams, the workshop sponsor will be impressed and will continue with the
sponsorship next year. If the present batch succeed in doing well this year, they
are already helping the students of the next batch by making the funding and
hence the workshop available again.

Often we are already helping others without realizing it. And likewise, we may be
adversely affecting others without knowing it. The mathematician and
meteorologist Edward Lorenz coined that, “the flapping of the wings of a
butterfly in South America can affect the weather in Central Park”.

But is life really so complicated? Must we be always analyzing every action
before taking it, keeping an eye on its consequences in order to lead a
meaningful and happy life? Fortunately no. There is an easier way; by
understanding the “value of Values”. Good consequences have their roots in

good values. When all our actions arise from good values, then everything else
will take care of itself. In our Values Education Programme, we teach noble
values such as Self-Belief, Honesty, Responsibility, Humility and Compassion. We
teach students that so long as they ensure their actions originate from noble
values, they will eventually be helping someone and then success and happiness
will follow.

But focusing directly on attaining happiness will only make it more elusive.
Happiness is not an end. It is a by-product of good actions from good values.
Don’t worry about chasing after it. Play the game of life by constantly living noble
values and happiness will naturally find you.

“Truth will come without your invitation.
Then it will come swiftly as the wind and the unbeknown.
It comes obscurely, not when you are watching or wanting.
It is there as sudden as sunlight, as pure as the night.
But to receive it, the heart must be full and the mind empty.”
Jiddhu Krishnamurthy



YMP-SNAP 0084
Mentoring and career guidance
– a holistic approach

The REF’s Holistic Approach to Education
As mentors charged with the
responsibility of helping students gain
an education and choose a career; we
cannot approach this task competently
without adopting a holistic approach.
This means the student needs to first
figure out who he (or she) is – his
identity. And then he needs to ask,
“what do I want in life?” To answer the
latter question, besides discovering his
identity, he needs to know (or at least
make a start on finding out) what his
“purpose” in life is.

When he embarks on this, he will realize that in order to have a fulfilling life, he
must have a “higher” purpose, one that requires him to think beyond himself.
Invariably he has to include the value of “compassion” in his life. With
compassion, he will then find meaning in his life. In fact, he will also give
meaning to the lives of others. Underpinning all these, i.e. identity, purpose and
meaning is “values”. The values you subscribe to defines you. A higher purpose,
or being compassionate, is a value. Finally, actions stemming from noble values
will give meaning to one’s life and to the lives of others.

Finding out your identity is to know “where you are”, while your purpose drives
you to “where you want to go”. These are indeed big questions. But once a
student has an understanding of this process, we can help him identify a career
that is in alignment with what he wants in his life. As mentor, having helped him
ask the question, “What do you want?” we can then proceed to ask the
remaining two questions; “What’s preventing you from getting it?” and “How
can we help you to get it?”

The career choice is but a milestone, albeit an important one, in one’s life

journey. Help your student understand his life journey and chances are, he will
choose a career that he will find fulfilling.

Of course, this may not all be cast in stone. A person’s idea of what he wants in
life can change over time with experience. We can only help him establish what
he wants now. The important thing is that we have made him aware of a reliable
methodology, a holistic approach of looking at things which he can then apply
with confidence for the rest of his life.

© RCBKS 2012


YMP-SNAP 0085
Why co-curricular activities?

Elements of Co-curricular Activities
“Why must I still need to take part actively in co-
curricular activities if I am already doing well in
my exams?” asks the bright young mentee to his
mentor.

“There are many lessons one can learn through
co-curricular activities that are not available in
studies alone. You see, when you graduate and
join the workforce in the future, you will find that
there are other tools you will need besides the
knowledge you gain from studies alone,” said the
mentor, noticing that the mentee seems
somewhat skewed more to academics.

Non-academic activities in school used to be called extra-curricular activities – or
activities outside of the school curriculum. Because the knowledge and life-skills
gained from these activities are as important as academic knowledge, it has been
renamed co-curricular activities, i.e. an integral part of a school curriculum that aims
to develop the student’s total human potential, both academic and non-academic.

Instead of being de-emphasized, co-curricular activities (CCA) are emphasized in the
best schools of the world – schools that produce leaders; future Prime Ministers and
Presidents. CCA is a means to enhance social interaction, leadership, healthy
recreation, self-discipline and self-confidence. It is an out-of-class activity, supervised
and/or financed by the school, which provides curriculum-related learning and
character building experiences.

Within leadership skills, a student will learn communication, team building, empathy,
motivation and people management. Most importantly, he (or she) will learn how to
put these in action; testing and experimenting in an environment that is forgiving and
that fosters learning. Such an environment may not be easily available once he enters
the “real world” in future.

Values education is at the core of the CCA framework and drives all character
development. A student is taught skills and knowledge anchored on values.Through
CCA, he will get the opportunity to: express compassion to others; learn how courage,
practice, patience, persistence and determination will lead to proficiency and success;
get out of the comfort zone to enable him to tap his potential; and understand his
own behavior under physical and emotional stress.

CCA aims to awaken the student’s awareness; of himself and of the world around him.
For those who have a chance at getting a scholarship for their tertiary studies,
meaningful participation in CCA will help prepare them for the important scholarship
interview.

The mentor continued, “When you enter the work force, top among the skills you will
need is the ability to communicate with your colleagues effectively. And as you climb
the corporate or social leader, you will need leadership skills too. In short, as you
progress in life, you will find that besides academics, you will need interpersonal skills,
the ability to interact and build constructive relationships with others effectively.”

“Happiness lies for those who cry, those who hurt,
those who have searched and those who have tried.
For only they can appreciate the importance of
people who have touched their lives.”
Victor Hugo

Please share this information with your mentee.

While these 5-minute “snapshot reads” are mainly for our mentors, they are also sometimes shared with friends of REF who may not
be mentors.
© RCBKS 2012


YMP-SNAP 0086
“A desire to help yourself.”

Awardee Lenard, SMK St John
One of the most important guiding
principles in selecting a student for the
REA/REF programme is that he (or she)
must be prepared to take responsibility for
his own development. We ask the
question, “Does the mentee demonstrate a
desire to help him/herself?”

While the REF can support the student in
his (or her) education and self-discovery,
the student himself must take personal
responsibility for it.

In fact no matter what circumstances a student is in, if he takes responsibility for
his own education and doesn’t blame his circumstances, life will present him
with the necessary opportunities that will eventually lead him to success. A
responsible student will benefit from the mentoring, leadership training and
values education that the REF provides.

How do we determine that a student possesses “the desire to help himself”?

First of all, a recommendation letter from his school is important. Besides this,
we assess the student on an essay we ask him to write entitled, “My Dream”. At
the interview, the student must also show a positive attitude towards his studies
and participation in co-curricular activities, all the better if it is in a leadership
position. However, there is only so much a letter or a short interview assessment
can show. In the context of the award, the most reliable indicator of personal
responsibility has to be encouraging academic results. A student applying for the
REF Award must demonstrate that he understands the importance of working
hard to achieve a good education. While he has to be from the lower income
group, he need not be a “straight As” student although this will help; but he
must be able to demonstrate that he is already getting good results in at least a
few subjects. Then there is a demonstrable desire to help one self. Then the

REA/REF programme can make a difference to his performance.

However, even “straight As” do not automatically translate to a positive
outcome. The guidance provided by the REA/REF programme will help to
improve the probability of success for these students too, especially when they
are from lower income families with few opportunities.

Determining a mentee’s desire to help himself is assessing whether he has the
right attitude to benefit from REF mentoring, leadership training and values
education.

© RCBKS 2012


YMP-SNAP 0087
Hope and the commitment to a mentoring plan

RC Seremban REF Awardees Leanna Tsen and Santhi Krishnan with
President Alfred (2
nd
left) and mentors, IPP Kesh, Rtn Tony Ping
and PP Anthony Samy
Wikipedia defines Hope as being
the emotional state which promotes
the belief in a positive outcome
related to events and circumstances
in one's life. Despair is the opposite
of hope. Hope is the "feeling that
what is wanted can be had or that
events will turn out for the best".

The term "false hope" refers to a
“hope” based entirely around
a fantasy or an extremely unlikely
outcome.

Psychologist, C.R. Snyder says that hope is cultivated when we have a goal in
mind, determination that a goal can be reached, and a plan on how to reach
those goals. Hopeful people are like the little engine that could, because they
keep telling themselves "I think I can, I think I can". Hope is the sum of the
mental will-power (“the driving force in hopeful thinking”) and way-power (“the
mental plans or road maps that guide hopeful thought”) that you have for your
goals.

The difference between hope and optimism (or positive thinking) is that hope
entails pathways and thoughts to an intended goal. Optimism leads one to
“expect the best, but it does not necessarily provide any critical thinking about
how we are going to arrive at this improved future”. With the sense of hope
come positive emotions such as happiness and joy, courage, and empowerment.

When an REF mentor comes into the life of a student, he (or she) brings with him
great optimism of a better future. Whether or not this translates to hope, will
depend on whether there is a mentoring plan (the “way-power”); fully complete
with goals, strategies and actions. Where there is no plan, success is an
extremely unlikely outcome.

Let us not be a party to just optimism and an empty promise – a false hope. Your
commitment to a mentoring plan is what gives real hope to your mentee.

“The inner hold a prisoner (person) has on his spiritual self relies on having a hope
in the future, and that once a prisoner (person) loses that hope, he is doomed.”
Viktor Frankl, Holocaust survivor, author and psychiatrist

© RCBKS 2012


YMP-SNAP 0089
Self-Discipline

A man observed a woman in the
grocery store with a three-year-old girl
in her basket. As they passed the
cookie section, the child asked for
cookies and her mother told her, “No.”

The little girl immediately began to
whine and fuss and the mother said
quietly, “Now Ellen, we just have half of
the aisles left to go through; don’t be
upset. It won’t be long.”

He passed the Mother again in the candy aisle. Of course, the little girl began to
shout for candy. When she was told she couldn’t have any, she began to cry. The
mother said, “There, there, Ellen; only two more aisles to go, and then we’ll be
checking out.”

The man again happened to be behind the pair at the check-out, where the little
girl immediately began to clamor for gum and burst into a terrible tantrum upon
discovering there would be no gum purchased today. The mother patiently said,
“Ellen, we’ll be through this checkout stand in five minutes, and then you can go
home and have a nice nap.”

The man followed them out to the parking lot and stopped the woman to
compliment her. “I couldn’t help noticing how patient you were with little Ellen…”

The mother broke in, “My little girl’s name is Tammy… I’m Ellen.”

© RCBKS 2012

Sent: Wednesday, December 19, 2012 11:24 AM

YMP-SNAP 0090
Of Praise and Gratification

Mentees Chye Soon and Letchumanan with
Rotary Mentor Jeremy at the Telekom Muzium visit recently.
Many, including significant sponsors,
have said that they appreciate us for
doing this project. It is one thing to
do a community service project, it is
quite another to do a long term one
involving education of youngsters. In
the context of the current times, this
is an extremely important project,
teaching students to be self-
sufficient and equally vital, helping
them understand why they should
one day be serving.

Many acknowledge us for doing youth mentoring which distinguishes our project
from others involved in giving out financial scholarships. Yet others admire us for
being so organized despite doing this on a voluntary and part-time basis. We
have many dedicated individuals responsible for, and who see the value in, this.

If the REF has not said this enough, we thank all involved; the Rotarians, the
volunteers, the sponsors, the teachers and the partners-in-service. Not the least,
are the responsive students, some of whom have already successfully completed
their awards. Ultimately, they are our proof. And then there are those who have
not only completed it, but have come back to give testimony to those, students
and helpers alike, in need of motivation and inspiration to reach the next level of
commitment or achievement. There is nothing more convincing and gratifying,
then successful awardees. They still have their lives ahead of them.

Beyond the praise and the gratification though, as mentors, we must remind
ourselves constantly of the importance of our work; the impact that we can
make when we give our time and commitment selflessly to this cause. And
concurrently, the care too we must give to our words when engaging with young
and impressionable minds. Education and its multiplier effect – it is big. It is why
we are here. Those providing the infrastructure support for this project have

done the best they can; but only we, as on-the-ground-frontline mentors, can
engage and provide the human touch that will crystallize the positive difference
that the programme aims to achieve.

It is evening and I am writing this article while waiting for my spouse, a volunteer
mentor, who will be back home late because she will be visiting and mentoring
her student. It’s a Friday night and the weekend is upon us again. She and I could
be out shopping or dining or just watching TV. But instead we volunteer only
about two hours of our time willingly; hoping that the time invested will make a
difference to a young life, if not now then maybe someday.

What more can we ask?

© RCBKS 2012


YMP-SNAP 0091
A Parent’s Letter to his adolescent child

Lau Siew Wei receiving her REF Award
from RCBKS President Ghaurry in July 2012

My dear child,

New Year is upon us again.

As you grow older each year and as you
are gaining more independence and
hopefully a bit more freedom* too, it is a
good time for me to pen a few words to
you about what it means to begin to
take personal responsibility of your life.
And I don’t mean just keeping your table
and room clean or hanging up the
clothes; for you are now beyond these.

You are now at a crossroad. At this moment in your life, your biggest challenge is
how to allow your true self to surface. This you can do by engaging in honest, hard
work. You will discover that your true self is all good and that you have unlimited
potential. It exists in every one of us. Believe it.

Life may not be a smooth journey but you have the power to make it easier.
Discover that power and strength are on the side of truth and honesty. Dishonesty
erodes our credibility and our ability to achieve success. It is the thief of our self-
confidence. And without self-confidence we cannot achieve anything meaningful
or worthwhile.

In your journey, you will experience failure sometimes. We all have to. Face it head
on honestly, and you will have the strength to overcome it. When you take
responsibility of your life, failure is one of your best friends who will guide you to
success. In failure exists lessons to success. Success or failure may not always be
your choice. But remember, when you fail, you don’t have to fail to learn the
lesson too. That is your choice.

Keep looking for inspiration and know that it can be found in the simplest of

things. When you experience inspiration, let it ignite a higher purpose within you,
a purpose beyond self. By all means enjoy the little things in life; the clothing, the
jewelry, etc., and yes, even the money. But keep them in perspective. It is your
purpose that you should always keep your eye on.

Once you become aware of your purpose, you will become passionate about it.
Then the sacrifices to achieve it do not seem big.

And while you are achieving that, always remember that it is your responsibility to
help others achieve it too. The human capacity to achieve good things and to help
others achieve it too is unlimited.

Happy New Year!

Love,
Dad

*Freedom is a state of mind.
© RCBKS 2012


The talkative mouse
YMP-SNAP 0092

A talkative mouse, a rat, and a small
shrew were trapped in a flood,
desperately clinging to the side of a lily
pad - and sinking fast! A helpful owl came
to their rescue, first telling the rat to
clamp its teeth onto its talons as the owl
flew to safety and then returning for the
shrew, who received similar instructions.
Finally, as the tides rose ever higher, the
owl came back for our talkative mouse.

“You are rescued and will live!” said the owl. “But I’ve noticed you talk a lot.
Promise me you’ll keep your mouth closed around my legs and on no account
open it, or you’ll fall to your fate!”

“Of course!” said the mouse, who proceeded to clamp his mouth onto his
feathered rescuer’s landing gear.

They took off and flew across the floods. The owl was about to land on some
high ground, but the mouse decided he wanted to alight some other place to get
dry.

“Not there…” shouted the mouse, but those were the last words he ever spoke
as he fell into the swirling waters below.

We can all laugh at such a silly tale because we never behave in such self-
destructive ways, or do we? Of course we do - although perhaps not as obviously
- but why?

“Self-sabotage is when we say we want something,
And we go about making sure it doesn’t happen.”
Alyce P. Cornyn-Selby

The mouse in our story failed to observe the bigger picture when he felt
compelled to talk, but you’re not a mouse - so you shouldn’t live like one.

*Extracted from “Uncommon Help” by Mike Tyrell

© RCBKS 2012

Sent: Wednesday, January 09, 2013 1:28 PM

Self-sabotage
YMP-SNAP 0093

When we are in difficulty and a good
Samaritan comes to our aid, we may
sometimes think that it is too good to
be true or we may believe that we
are unworthy of being helped. Yet
help is what we need. And so,
particularly when that person trying
to help is someone close to us, we
should not be suspicious and ask,
“What’s the trap here?” If we do, it is
called self-sabotage and we will
eventually spiral to unhappiness, if
not failure.

Take a step back and observe what we are doing – observe our self. Get out of
the negative and vicious self-sabotage thought cycle by asking, “Does this person
have the knowledge and experience to help?” If the answer is “Yes”, then say
instead, “I want to learn from him (or her).” And if this person is initially an
acquaintance, ask too, “Does he have a reason to have bad intentions? Does it
benefit him to have bad intentions?” If the answers are “no”, then we must
change our negative perception of things. Believe that the help is genuine and
good for us. Accept it with grace and then learn from it. Count it as a blessing.

Don’t be arrogant to think, “He’s teaching me because he has to.” No one has to.
Nor be self-absorbed to think, “I don’t need help.” If we have these attitudes,
who then is ever going to be able to help (or teach) us? Be humble. Who else can
we trust to help us if we cannot trust the people closest to us?

Sometimes the help may not come in the form that we expect. Don’t say, “I don’t
like the way he is teaching me.” This is still self-sabotage and self-destructive. We
must have the personal honesty to realize the need for help and welcome it; if
it’s right and good for us, even if it’s not “perfect”. And after the help (or advice)
is given, don’t be selfish; show appreciation by sharing our true feelings of
gratitude to the person that sincerely and generously tried to help us.

Imagine if the ugly duckling had concluded that it wasn’t “good enough” to fly
with the swans. We need to be open and explore the possibilities of life. Don’t
worry about the “process of delivery”. Be more concerned about the “content”
of the help (or advice) and the “intention” of the helper. These are the qualities
of an enlightened learner. We must have the self-confidence to believe that we
are good enough to deserve help, especially by someone close to us. And so it is
too from someone who has no reason to have bad intentions, even if initially he
is an acquaintance and seems not close to us (like a new mentor); they are often
those who actually want to help and can help. We just have to believe it.

Some of our mentees may have such feelings with respect to our help. As a first
step, realize this and empathize with them; and then see how we can work with
them to develop trust and overcome such feelings.

© RCBKS 2013

Sent: Tuesday, January 15, 2013 3:26 PM

YMP-SNAP 0094
It’s our constraint, not their lack of potential

The role of REF mentoring is to help
those who already have a desire to
help themselves (the “desire”),
achieve their potential. It is not to
say that those that do not
demonstrate that desire do not need
help - that’s a job for trained
professionals such as teachers,
counselors and psychologists (not
REF mentors). While REF mentors are
working professionals who are part-
time volunteers prepared to share
their time and experience to nurture
a student we are however not
trained to help such challenging
cases.

Mentor Chian Khai with student Sonia
Because we have to match our strengths with student needs, it immediately
constraints us to selecting only from the group of students that are able to be
helped effectively through our type of mentoring.

What kinds of students can we help? Students come in all “shapes and sizes”. Some
are currently doing well in their studies, some are not. Doing well academically*
coupled with a good attitude** are strong indicators that a student has already
begun to take responsibility for his (or her) future – already has a demonstrable
desire. Such a student is a prime candidate for REF mentorship. Yet present among
those that are not currently doing well in their studies may be those who may yet
eventually find their way to success through academics or otherwise, because they
discover their calling later in life. But the REF is less effective at uncovering and
nurturing such candidates.

REF mentoring is therefore a developmental process to support students who are

already good academically. An REF mentor then proceeds to mould such a student
to greater heights, to achieve his potential. In particular, the REF makes sure that a
student doesn’t go off the rails because he is in financial difficulty. The mentor acts
as a “compass” for the mentee, guiding him in the right direction by helping him
develop strong values, most effectively through role modeling. But the mentee
must understand that he has to do the honest hard work necessary to succeed.

It is not the role of an REF mentor to help a weak student become a good one, but it
is his (or her) role to help a good student stay good or become a better one.
Compassion and good intention on our part are not sufficient to nurture a weak
student to success. While our strength is in moulding young people who already
have the “desire” and nurturing this spark into a flame, we have to recognise our
constraints and we must therefore not bite off more than we can chew. It’s our
constraint, not their lack of potential.

An REF mentor must ensure that he attends all support sessions provided by the
REF in order to equip himself well for the serious business of mentoring. Never
forget that we are dealing with a real person in the mentee and our performance as
a mentor has a strong bearing on his future. Recognising our constraints along with
utilising our strengths are how we define our niche, and how we can best deliver
value to the community.

*The REF Awardee Selection Guide stipulates the minimum academic qualifications.
**Good attitude here means that they are already subscribing or are likely to subscribe to the REF Values, namely
Self-confidence, Honesty, Responsibility, Humility and Compassion.

© RCBKS 2013

Sent: Tuesday, January 22, 2013 12:24 PM

YMP-SNAP 0095
Teaching Awareness – The Role of the REF
A child is generally born pristine,
emotionally well adjusted and full of self-
confidence. Parents may unwittingly
erode away his (or her) self-confidence
over time and hence affect his emotional
well being. The responsibility of parents
towards a child is three fold:
§ Provide the child with a good set of
values,
§ Provide opportunities for the child to
discover himself, and
§ Refrain from eroding his self-
confidence.

While the conduct of the child, “good” or “bad”, may generally be due to nurturing
(or lack thereof) of the parents, yet somewhere between adolescent and
adulthood, the individual (child) must learn to stop blaming his parents and start
taking responsibility for his actions and for his future. Or in other words, develop
the ability to “help him/herself”. When he decides to make this choice, he matures
into an independent adult.

The difference between maturity and immaturity is largely the “awareness” of
taking this responsibility. The parents’ role is to support this development through
the threefold responsibility mentioned above. While it may be arguable whether
the development of this awareness can be hastened, it is certainly possible to
hinder it by not providing the appropriate support.

Mentoring is an honour, a privilege and a responsibility. Few people get a chance
to do it, yet (or because) it only requires volunteering. The interventions and
support a mentor can provide are not unlike that of a parent – helping the child to
succeed by “awakening him to awareness”. And so the main role of the REF is to
help the student develop this awareness. Besides the awareness of responsibility,
through the REF the student will gain awareness of other humanitarian values as

well. And in successfully doing so, he turns into a useful adult and a responsible
citizen of his community.


© RCBKS 2013


YMP-SNAP 0096
What is a journal?

Writing and keeping a journal holds the
possibility of deepening our self-
understanding, and to making added
sense of our lives and what we believe.
It can also help us to entertain, contain
and channel troubling emotions and
gain perspective.

We may also develop a greater
awareness of daily life; become more
alive to what is happening to, and
around, us in the daily round. At a
practical level, writing and keeping a
journal can both help us with
administrative tasks (like reporting what
happened, when and why) and with the
process of setting goals and managing
our time and priorities.

Under the Rotary Education Award, mentees are given a hard-cover note book and
encouraged to use it as a journal to capture their thoughts and questions so that
they may discuss them with their mentors. They are also encouraged to record
important “lessons” from the mentoring sessions in this journal so that they may
conveniently review them later. Such a process of discipline will help mentees
kindle awareness not only of better academic performance but equally important,
of an appreciation of life in general.

Enclosed herewith is a set of slides which you, as a mentor, can share with your mentee on
“Writing and Keeping a Journal”. Please make a copy for him (or her).

© RCBKS 2013


YMP-SNAP 0097
When one teaches, two learn

As a “teacher” (or mentor), there is
little you can do if the student is not
ready. It is futile to impose your ideas
on the student. But what you can do
as a good teacher is to always be
available. Because sometimes, you
may not realize the moment the
student is ready. But by always being
available, when the student is ready
the transmission will begin.
DG Mansoor (2
nd
left) with RC Pantai Valley presenting their
first (4) REA awardees and their mentors on 4 Feb 2013
“If you want to be a good teacher, make yourself always available.
If you want to be a good student, make yourself always ready to learn.”

The mentee must enter the relationship with the profound humility of the
novice seeking wisdom, while the mentor must enter with the even profounder
humility of the sage who knows how truly little he or she knows. When one
teaches, two learn.

Mentoring is serious business. It requires self-knowledge and conviction. If you
can’t do anything except to just listen, you are already a good mentor. But if
you are going to give advice, be careful. You are handling a young and
impressionable mind. Don’t take things too lightly. You can do it, but know your
limitations. Be mindful and be humble that you may not have the answers, so
listen first. It’s alright to say you will think about it and get back. Then do your
homework. Never be afraid to say, “I need help”.


Khalil Gibran

© RCBKS 2013


YMP-SNAP 0098

Educating children is mostly about
educating parents on their conduct. In
turn, the conduct of parents is an
education to the children.


REF Mentors (L) with an Awardee and his parent (R)
Often over time and through bad habits, parents unwittingly erode his (or her) self-
confidence, adversely affecting his emotional well-being. In a child’s education, the
responsibility of parents is three fold: Provide the child with a good set of values,
create the space and opportunities for the child to discover himself, and forbear
eroding his self-confidence.
Like educating children, mentoring too is a lot about training parents/guardian on
their “conduct”. An REF mentor may spend about 2-3 hours in a month with the
student. Whereas parents spend much of the available formative time with him.
They are his real guides and greatest influence. A mentor can teach the student
good values only to have the work undone by parents if they do not believe in or
fully appreciate the purpose of the mentoring programme.

Help parents understand the philosophy of the programme and how it is a good
path for their child. Request that they be present at the mentoring sessions,
especially in the beginning. In between mentor visits, have parents reinforce the
messages you are trying to convey. Invite parents to our REF activities. Parents
must not do anything that may sabotage the process. For any student mentoring
programme to succeed, parents must subscribe to the values being taught, working
hand-in-hand as supportive partners to the mentor/s.

© RCBKS 2013


YMP-SNAP 0099
Speak in words that your student can understand

Make yourself understood. Communicate in
a language that the other can understand.
Even the most profound truths are
meaningless to those who do not
understand your language.

“Much as I would like to give you the right
words, in order for them to take effect on
you, the words must mean something to
you. You have to ‘own’ the words. Make
them YOUR words,” said the Master to the
student. That’s why the Master seems to be
asking questions rather than providing
answers.

Similarly with the teaching of Values. There is no avoiding asking your mentee to
state for himself (or herself) what values are important to him and then start
from there. In the end what he creates may not be ideal but at least they are in
his own words. That’s all we can do for him now, at “his stage of development”.
Going faster will not make a difference. As mentor you must have patience.

Don’t worry for now if his words may be rough or his ideas simplistic. At least he
understands them. That’s what’s important. Because they are his own words,
they resonate with him. When the words mean something to start with, he will
own the idea behind them. In time and with your guidance, he will improve on it.
If they don’t mean much, he will take no notice of them and will soon abandon
the idea. So if the words are going to mean anything, they must first come from
him. Resistance will be minimal. Then suddenly and hopefully sooner than you
expect, the student is ready. The teacher has appeared … and the transmission of
wholesome values has begun. Positive change starts taking place.

“If you want to communicate with somebody,
you have to start from wherever they are, not from wherever you are.

You go to wherever their understanding is and
you take little tiny steps one at a time to help them reach a better understanding.
You cannot communicate unless you start where your audience exists.”
Thomas W. Campbell, physicist and author

© RCBKS 2013


YMP-SNAP 0100
– Te Awhiahua Hillman and Burnette O'Connor

The next item on Te Awhiahua and
Burnette's to-do list is to go to a
garage sale together. Already they've
been to the zoo, an art gallery, the
beach - Awhi has even stayed at
Burnette's place in Warkworth. The
pair plan to be lifelong friends, yet, if
it wasn't for the First Foundation,
these two might never have met.

Awhi is a 19-year-old Mt Wellington mum with 12 siblings. After the birth of her
daughter, Teanahera, four years ago, Awhi spent two years at home caring for
her, before returning to school. Now that she's graduated from One Tree Hill
College, Awhi hopes to study psychology, Maori studies and criminology at
university. Her mentor is a resource and environmental planner who started her
own successful company, O'Connor Planning Consultants. Burnette has helped
Awhi establish a study routine, and suggested the right people to contact to talk
about job opportunities.

"Burnie is always encouraging and never judgmental," says Awhi. "She's an easy
phone call away if ever I need advice and is always supportive of me and
Teanahera. She makes us feel comfortable around her and her family. I want to
be able to have a stable job in whatever profession I end up in and set up a
brighter future for my daughter."

The partnership hasn't just benefited Awhi, who says Burnette's presence in her
life has given her a new perspective. Burnette too says she's learned a lot about
the pressures facing young people in Awhi's situation.

"I'm amazed at how politically savvy she is, much more so than I was at that age.
There's quite an awareness of how things work, of government services, social

policy issues. Awhi amazes me, she is very capable, knowledgeable, confident,
friendly and strong. She is also open and has an amazing perspective of many
issues."

Burnette got involved with the First Foundation through friends who'd been
through the mentoring process.

"I think aspects of our personalities are similar and this helps, especially when
you're discussing big life changes like leaving school and going on to university.
There are laughs and joyful moments and moments when the different
perspectives make you realise how your own ideas and experiences are just that
- your own - and they don't necessarily apply to others. No two people's
experiences will be the same and many aspects of the transition from school to
university are a small part in a much greater journey."

"Things have changed," adds Awhi, "because I have a friend to call when I need
help with something or wise advice that is different to my parents'."

An extract from The New Zealand Herald on the First Foundation

© RCBKS 2013

Sent: Thursday, March 07, 2013 11:22 AM

YMP-SNAP 0101
Awakening to Awareness

Much of mentorship must focus
on the objective of kindling
“awareness” in the mentee. In the
simplest sense, this means
awakening him (or her) to being
able to see clearly; and to being
the person he should be. This is
the basis of a values-based
education. Students at the 1
st
REF Leadership Camp March 2010

When a child is awakened to awareness he understands what it means to take
responsibility for his actions and for his future. He appreciates that his actions
come with consequences; that good consequences follow good actions and vice
versa. Yet he accepts that his “failures” are not attributable to anyone else or
even to his circumstances; that with awareness, failure in fact points the way to
success. With awareness, he knows that despite his circumstances he holds the
power to change in his own hands. He always has. He appreciates that the only
change he has control over is change to himself, starting with the ability to
change how he looks at things. And that he cannot control what life throws at
him but he can control how he responds to it. Indeed taking control over self is
the only control he has and the only control he needs. With control of self, he
can “control” or master the world – by taking charge of his own life and by being
an example to others.

When a person is awakened, he does not blame his parents for not developing
the reading habit in him because he was not read to when he was an infant. He
just reads now because he knows its “good” for him. He does not blame being
born into poverty for not being able to achieve. He just does what it takes to
succeed. He takes charge of the change necessary because that’s the
responsible thing to do.

“You must be the change you wish to see in the world.” – Mohandas Gandhi

While these 5-minute “snapshot reads” are mainly for our mentors, they are also sometimes shared with friends of REF who may not be
mentors.
© RCBKS 2013

Sent: Wednesday, March 13, 2013 10:46 AM

YMP-SNAP 0102
Do what it takes to achieve the big picture goal

How do you motivate a student
who says he doesn’t like a
particular school subject? Answer:
Get him to see the next level up,
bigger picture – ask him if he likes
to get a good scholarship to
University? Does he wish to have
unlimited opportunities? Then tell
him that getting good results in all
subjects will open the door to the
scholarship (and opportunities).

By moving up to the next level big picture, the question of whether he likes a
particular subject becomes irrelevant when he says he likes to be successful. He
just has to “do what it takes” to be successful. He has to do what is right, not
just what he likes (at the small picture level). This is called being self-disciplined.
Do what it takes to get it done. In other words, JUST DO IT!

Just Do It – Seeing and anchoring your approach on the big picture
Liking or disliking at the lower level becomes an irrelevant question, once you
see the big picture and you’ve decided you like the big picture goal. In this
example, what you do like is to be successful. And in order to be successful, you
have to get good results in all subjects. So, just do it. In fact if you still keep
asking whether you do like a subject or not, once you have decided to be
successful, you are just distracting yourself (unfocused) and sabotaging your
chances of achieving the big picture goal.

At the highest level, the biggest picture is: “What do you want in your life?” i.e.
what meaning do you want to give to your life? When Tiger Woods decided that
he wants to be the No. 1 golfer in the world (big picture), he doesn’t ask
whether he likes to practice hitting a thousand balls every day (small picture).
No! He just does it because that’s what it takes to be No. 1.

With this approach, the student will realize that while he doesn’t always get to
do what he likes at the small picture level, he gets to be what he likes at the big
picture level.

“You shouldn’t be asking what you like to do.
You should be asking what you want to be.
And once you have decided what you want to be,
you just do what it takes to get to what you want to be.”
© RCBKS 2013


YMP-SNAP 0103
Awareness-Listening-Asking Questions

“Power” is transmitted to the
student through the
communication of knowledge from
a “teacher”, e.g. an experienced
individual. This knowledge
represents power because for the
student, it empowers him (or her)
with the ability to open doors, to
get things done in the future. This is
part of what’s called gaining an
education.

Such moments of transmission occur many times during the day. Besides being
a person, the “teacher” may simply be an occurrence, an experience or even a
thought. The question is whether the student is aware that such power is being
transmitted at that moment. If the student’s level of awareness is high, he will
be able to capture most of the information. If it is low he will miss most, if not
all of it.

What is this “awareness”? It is taking responsibility for learning. It is being
conscious. Put simply, it is being observant, listening well and asking questions
when things are not clear. How can the student sharpen this awareness? He can
do so by learning the right values; values such as humility, honesty,
responsibility, self-belief and compassion – the 5 Key REF Values.

How do we teach the key values? As a mentor, we do it by firstly learning them
(mentor awareness). We do it also by humbly pointing them out to the student
at the right moments. But most of all, we do it by being a living example of the
values. In other words, by being a good compassionate role model to the
mentee.

Finally, we mustn’t overlook that while most times the mentor may be the
teacher and the mentee, the student; sometimes the situation may require that

the mentor steps into the shoes of a student and let the mentee be his (or her)
teacher.

© RCBKS 2013


YMP-SNAP 0104
Awakening Mentor Awareness

Automatic mentoring strikes again.
Mentors must realize not to be running
on "automatic" mode without any
seeming awareness as to how crucial
your words, actions and behavior are to
your young mentee. We are not looking
for perfection but we do wish to see
mentors operating from a positive
mentoring style. This means less use of
“profanities”, less threatening mentees
with “punishment” and less
discouragement. It is mentoring from
an informed optimistic, encouraging
and conscious place.

So where does this leave us? Each of us on a regular basis needs to step-back and
take a review of our:
Words - Words have the power to propel a young person’s life or discourage his
(or her) dreams. Be careful in your words. Not perfect but thoughtful. And
adolescents fully accept apologies as well as most can extend a level of forgiveness
and compassion for you.
Actions - Do your words and actions match? The old saying, "do as I say, not as I
do" never made sense, yet it is still sometimes used by some of us with our
children. A mentor’s words and actions should be in alignment so that the mentee
truly can learn how to become authentic and trust that it is not only okay, but
supported in this world. Hence the importance of being an effective role model.
Feelings - Feelings really are indicators. If you are feeling incredibly frustrated or
angry with your mentee - it might be a time for you to take a "time out." Really.
Your feelings matter and as you take better care of your own emotional well being
such gains naturally spill into your mentoring style.

Thoughts - Our thoughts truly create our worlds. So being mindful of how we think
about our mentee is essential. In other words, don't label him (or her) even in your
mind (i.e. the smart one, the quiet one, the bad math student, the slow one).
Focus upon your mentee's unique and positive qualities (i.e. excellent painter,
mechanically skilled, gifted singer) as well as thinking positive thoughts about him
will be a priceless gift. It may not be easy when your mentee fails to take your
“instructions” --- but try, just a little bit harder.

Words, actions, feelings and thoughts that convey similar encouraging messages
are at the heart of positive mentoring. It is mentoring with a deepened awareness
as you support these highly intelligent students.

© RCBKS 2013


YMP-SNAP 0105
Are you interested to be successful?
Self-Discipline

The good news is: we don’t have
to be “smart” to be successful. We
need only have average
intelligence. If we have that,
success is determined by having
self-discipline; the self-discipline
to do what is right, not just what
we like. The more self-discipline
we have, the more successful we
will be.

Rotary District 3300 Governor Mansoor Saat with students at
the REF Youth Leadership Camp 2013 in Port Dickson

We must have the honesty to recognize and confront our “critical weaknesses”,
and address them. Like leaks in a boat, critical weaknesses must be plugged
before doing anything else because no matter how much we strengthen other
parts of a leaky boat, leaks if left unplugged, will eventually sink the whole boat.
The lack of self-discipline is one such leak (critical weakness).

Besides this, for self-discipline to be effective long term, we need the will-power
(determination) to sustain it, to stay the course doing the right things. Will-
power is dependent on having a mission in life that resonates with our core
beliefs or values; a mission that resonates with our heart. When we are down
and distracted, recalling a mission statement that resonates will effectively
remind us of what we are here to do and gives us the will-power to get back on
course. We have to be self-disciplined in order to achieve our goals. And when
we achieve our goals, we achieve “success”.

“Discipline is the bridge between goals and accomplishment.”
Jim Rohn

Self-discipline is the ability to do what we should do, when we should do it,
whether we like it or not, i.e. doing what is right and not just what we like.

Please find an opportunity to share this with your mentee.

© RCBKS 2013


YMP-SNAP 0106

The REF Values


a regard for others. Understanding that we are something greater than our
individual self and that through selflessness we can access all of humanity, will
we be able to unlock what we are fully capable of – our full potential. Then, will
we be able to lead a complete, useful and fulfilling life.

“Love Others as Your Self” and “Service Above
Self”, are called noble values. Hence in the REF,
students are taught to embrace noble values;
not just in order to create a better life for
themselves but ultimately, to create a better
life for all – a better world.


© RCBKS 2013


YMP-SNAP 0107

The Rotary Education Award (REA) is a
values-based holistic education
programme. This means it promotes
an educational philosophy that is
based on valuing self, others and the
environment through the teaching of
humanitarian and ethical values
(noble values). The Rotary Education
Fund (REF) helps each awardee find
identity, purpose, and meaning in life
through connections to the
community, to the natural world, and
through noble values.


While the REF can support a student in his education (and self-discovery), the
have a “desire to help himself”, to take the necessary action to overcome his
challenges. To take this responsibility, he needs to have: the honesty to accept
and face his reality, the self-belief (or courage) to ask questions and realize that
he has the ability to succeed. He must also have the humility to acknowledge
that he doesn’t know everything and that he has to learn from others who are
able to help. And finally, he must have the compassion to forgive himself when
he makes mistakes and to recognize that mistakes (or failure) merely point the
way to success. If he equips himself and believes in these values, life will present
him with the necessary opportunities to succeed.

Education is the key to get from difficult circumstances to success. Develop the
right values and the student will effectively gain an education. Besides personal
responsibility, an individual also has a responsibility to his family and community,
which too is fulfilled through a proper education. Here, the value of compassion

(caring for others) will help the student become a useful member of the family
and a good citizen, and will enable him to eventually gain real happiness in life.

And so in order to achieve the REA programme objectives, the REF values
curriculum besides covering values in general, focuses attention on the five

As their mentors, we are encouraged to emphasize and model these values to
the awardees.

NB: To help define our approach and to provide good mentoring to our students, the REF from time to time provides short
write-ups on its programme. These 5-minute “snapshots” are also shared with friends of REF who may not be mentors.
© RCBKS 2013


YMP-SNAP 0108
Know Thy Self
– The REF Study Skills Seminar 2013
A total of 17 REF Awardees
(accompanied by 10 mentors and a
parent) attended the ½-day Study Skills
Seminar conducted by the Rotary Club
of Bukit Kiara Sunrise on the Saturday
afternoon of 13 April 2013 to give REF
awardees a boost in their preparations
for the year-end exams. Besides from
RCBKS’s REF, 4 students came from the
Rotary Club of Pantai Valley’s REF.

Top REF students L-R Chye Soon, Lenard and Malanie
sharing their own study techniques with other REF students

More than 2500 years ago, the words “Gnothi Seauton” was inscribed at the
lintel of the entrance to the Temple of Apollo at Delphi, the site of the most
important oracle of the ancient Greeks. It is the most fundamental command
and the sole purpose for our existence here, it was said. It is a journey back to
our centre and to what awaits us there. The oracle is also said to have
proclaimed Socrates the wisest man in Greece, to which Socrates said that if so,
this was because he alone was aware of his own ignorance. This claim is related
to what Socrates said he learned at Delphi, Gnothi Seauton or "Know Thy Self".

Now, this is not a superficial understanding of who the person in the mirror is all
about; your vices, your goals, your dreams or your past. This is understanding
what you are, where you came from, where you are going, why you are here and
what your purpose is.

Former school principal Mr Ong Hock
Thye talked about different learning
styles and that a student must know
what his own learning style is in order
to study effectively. REF Awardees
Malanie Palaniandy, Lenard Loh and
Siong Chye Soon talked personally

A cross-section of the students (REF Awardees) present at the Study Skills
Seminar with mentors sitting at the back
about honestly acknowledging and
practising what worked for them and
avoiding what doesn’t when it comes
to studying. The outcome:
spectacular results for their exams.

In confronting the personal challenge of choosing a career, Dr Yee emphasized a
holistic approach which explored the inter-relationship of personal values,
identity (Who am I?), mission and deriving real meaning in life. Indeed it was
pointed out that knowing your “mission in life” is very much the bigger picture of
the subject of study skills. When you know your mission in life you will know
what career to choose and you will then take the action to find the necessary
study skills to succeed. Yet knowing where you are going must necessarily start
by knowing first where you are – Know Thy Self – know your strengths,
weaknesses and the values you believe in.

Heady subjects for teenagers? Maybe. But nevertheless, it is important and
timely to address them in a manner that they can appreciate, as many are at the
age when they are faced with the challenge of having to choose a career. And so
besides the talks of learned men like Mr Ong and Dr Yee, getting youngsters like
Malanie, Chye Soon and Lenard to share their thoughts and experiences first
hand in their “own language” was hopefully just what the students needed.

© RCBKS 2013

Sent: Thursday, May 02, 2013 10:11 AM

YMP-SNAP 0109
Too many forms to fill? Think again
Customising the REF mentoring process to the needs of the mentee

In an effort to provide structure to the
mentoring process, the REF has provided
several tools to be used with the mentee
throughout the mentorship. These tools
often appear as forms or templates that
are to be filled to guide both the mentor
and mentee through the mentoring
process. However, not all templates need
be used. Different mentees may have
different circumstances and needs with
regards to their education at the point in
time when the mentor enters his (or her)
life.

required.

the REF advises that the mentee undergoes the HELP University’s Career Test
the mentee by using some or all of the tools provided. It is up to the individual


structure), the mentor has to be very honest with his (or her) assessment of the
mentee’s circumstances and needs, and not himself display a lack of discipline by
reducing the number of tools arbitrarily, when that’s not what’s best for the
mentee. Remember, the mentee’s needs and his proper development are the
prime considerations here.

Your objective is to be an effective mentor based on the effort you can afford,
the needs of the student and your desire to achieve a positive outcome. The
templates are meant to help you, not to constrain you. Certainly the objective
isn’t to fill forms. Use only the ones that you think are helpful. Very few are
actually mandatory. As a mentor, when in doubt about how detailed or
structured you should be, always apply the illuminating mentoring litmus test,
i.e. ask yourself the question, “when I look back at the end of the mentorship, has
my presence in the life of the student made a positive impact, no impact or a
negative impact on his development?” If the answer is the first, then you have
passed the mentoring litmus test. If it is the 2nd
or 3rd
, then you need to
immediately reassess the process you are using. Apply this litmus test regularly
in your mentoring.

Remember, if you are unsure, you can always refer to available REF resources at
the Rotary Club of Bukit Kiara Sunrise who will be glad to call on additional

© RCBKS 2013


Self-Acceptance
YMP-SNAP 0111

Some of us define ourselves by how
others think of us. We constantly seek
their approval and validation about
how we are doing. When we obtained
8As (and not 9As) for our exams and
we didn’t meet their expectations,
they express disappointment. We in
turn feel disappointed with ourselves
because we have “let them down”.
Our self-worth seems dependent on
others.

Other times we set our own expectation too high. When we fail to meet it, we
are also disappointed. Here, we set ourselves up for failure naturally with an
unrealistic expectation.

What should we do then to feel success and happiness? Sages of many traditions
have advised us to, “know and be yourself” and “have no expectations”. What
do these really mean?

Many people are not living true to themselves because they are afraid that their
real selves would not be accepted by others. Out of fear of rejection, they put on
masks and take on various roles. They take on personas that do not truly reflect
themselves, failing to take responsibility for who they are and failing to take the
necessarily risks associated with being who they are. As negative as some roles
may sound, the focus here is not to pinpoint personality flaws. Instead, it is to
encourage people to look into themselves. Take off our masks and be ourselves.

We should just focus our attention on honestly doing our best in every important
endeavor. That’s the only expectation we should have of ourselves. Learn to
have no expectation of the result. When we do our best, the outcome is the best
we can hope for; “we leave the outcome to the outcome.” If we do our best and
the result is 8As and not 9As, then 8As is all we could have realistically hoped for,

regardless of who might be expecting what. And the real treasure is, in realizing
this (by not being disappointed) we will be able to see the positive lesson arising
from getting the 8As – we just need to open ourselves to it.

A fully grown person, is one who, “has listened to himself (or herself), and knows
that nothing that he hears about himself from others is evil or frightening”. If one
rejects his own feelings and thoughts, he would only bind himself with guilt and
self-pity. It could even lead to self-punishment which may contribute eventually
to depression. Uncovering your true self (doing your best) and practicing self-
acceptance is the key to gaining realistic self-esteem, personal growth and
eventually our own happiness. Be brave, listen and accept the true voice within.

In the REF, we say the objective of mentoring is to help our mentee discover
himself, take responsibility for his future and be the best he can. In other words,
helping him accept his true self to put him on the path to success … A better
start, a better life.

© RCBKS 2013


YMP-SNAP 0112
Unity through Noble Values
Through compassion for all and the realization that in diversity we are
in fact blessed with greater strength, we can have real unity.

When a country is united, it possesses
great strength. While strength can
come from being culturally
homogeneous, greater strength comes
from being culturally diverse. In
diversity, we benefit from a bigger
melting pot of creative ideas. When
one community is able to complement
its strength with another's, ultimately
this summates into an enormous
competitive advantage for the nation.

Lasting unity in a multi-racial country comes from recognizing each other's
differences and accepting each other's unique character. Let us be honest*. We
cannot pretend there are no differences between us, yet we cannot deny that
deep down we are all the same.

In a multi-racial country, unity will not come from one community accusing
another of ingratitude. Nor from a threat to eliminate a community's character
by trying forcibly to make the country communally homogeneous. Nor can any
community be made to disappear. It is not possible to succeed this way. Indeed
such strategies will forever meet with contempt and resistance, and eventually
result in failure and resentment. A community that has evolved over thousands
or even hundreds of years cannot change its character overnight much less
submit itself to another's will. Any such forced and unnatural change will be
superficial and will ring hollow. It will only create a seething time bomb which
will one day explode.

Real and lasting unity can only spring from and well in the ground of positive
idealism, from the sharing and practice of noble values. Not from the negative

gutter politics of fear and guilt. It must stir naturally and move willingly in the
hearts of all communities.

Every community has their weak that need help. Where there is weak, let us all
humbly* help the weak and the weak in turn take responsibility* to improve. Let
us shine the light on the weakness and not mistakenly blame it on a whole
community. And let us all together with compassion* help all who are weak in all
our communities. For only through compassion by every one of us for all will
there be unity. Only in the wellbeing of all will we find our own complete
wellbeing.

Let each community not be arrogant but instead strive to be self-confident*.
Treat each other with fairness and dignity. Let us neither fear nor look down on
one another but instead respect and celebrate each other's differences. Only in
this way, as a truly confident nation, will real unity emerge and will we have the
best chance to prevail. There is great hope for our multi-racial country but we
can only realize this if we believe in and practice noble values. YYL

*Honesty, Humility, Responsibility, Compassion and Self-Confidence are the 5 Key Rotary Education Fund (REF) Values. The REF Values
Education Workshop for students will be held on the 27-28 May 2013.

© RCBKS 2013


YMP-SNAP 0113
The Power of Humility

We are using education to help students
from low income families to overcome
their difficult circumstances. The student
must first have the honesty to
acknowledge and face his own reality.
Then in the context of education, effective
communication between teacher and
student is a pre-requisite. Besides the
learner needing humility (the attitude of “I
don’t know it all and I need help”),
meaningful communication cannot take
place without the teacher also having
humility (the attitude of “I don’t know it all
and it’s not about me”) and compassion
(the attitude of “generous giving”).

Even when you are prepared to give but you present yourself as arrogant, there
will be resistance to your gift no matter how good it is. It takes a highly
enlightened learner with a strong sense of awareness, and a responsibility for his
own learning, to accept a gift that is good for him despite it being given by a
person who presents himself as being arrogant. In other words, besides
possessing humility, the good learner must himself also be able to “do what is
right, not just what I like” – i.e. have discipline. Most students are not that
actualized and therefore will resist, even if only partly. Interestingly, if you feel
that you are not that actualized, then you already possess the awareness and
therefore the potential to be actualized. All you have to do is to stop being lazy
and “Just Do It!” The light of awareness will liberate potential. That is why
teaching awareness (of taking responsibility) is important. Awareness will lead to
wisdom, and wisdom will help develop more compassion. With compassion, the
student will learn to give generously, i.e. “to contribute” meaningfully to his
community.

“At the secondary level there are distinctions of race, age, gender, income level,
education etc., but at the most fundamental level, we are all human beings.”
Dalai Lama*

At this fundamental level, communication is through the heart, i.e. through
service and compassion. Through this language, there is no barrier to
communication. Can we get to this fundamental level? Yes we can – through
humility.

*Sometimes a selected quotation may be from a religious book or a religious leader and due recognition is given. The
quotation is selected purely because of its quality and relevance to the subject matter being presented. It is not the intention of
the writer to teach or spread that religion. Unless expressly stated, all opinions in the article are purely that of the writer and
not necessarily that of the REF.

© RCBKS 2013

Sent: Tuesday, June 04, 2013 12:22 PM

YMP-SNAP 0114
More humble words…

A story is told about a man who asked
his religious teacher why people
couldn't see the face of God*. What
had happened that they could no
longer reach high enough to see God?

The teacher, a very old man, had
experienced a lot in his life and was
very wise. "My son," he said, "that is
not the way it is at all. You cannot see
the face of God because there are so
few who can stoop that low. How sad
this is, but it is the truth. Learn to bend,
to bow, to kneel and stoop and you will
be able to see God face-to-face."

It is not enough to speak the truth (honesty); we need to also work on being able
to see the truth (humility). For far too often, honest people have been cheated,
unable to see that some others are telling them lies. So we need a compass, a
way to judge true and false. We need a way to tell truth from lie, a way to see
the truth clearly.

What is the cause of our inability to see the truth? It is often self-interest. Self-
interest obstructs our vision, putting our ego between us and the truth. In order
to see the truth clearly we must free our actions (and thoughts) from being
tainted by self-interest. Put the well-being of others ahead of us. Indeed, we can
and should still think of self-development and self-improvement but in the
context of being better able to help others eventually. The compass here is
Humility.

In the recent REF values education workshop, we teach students to think that
when we educate ourselves, we become successful and then we can help others

more effectively. We say, “help yourself in order to be better able to help
others”. We can’t help others unless we help our self first, but we are no good to
anyone if we only help our self. This, we point out, must be the ultimate aim of
self-development and an education.

“Humility is truth.”
Desiderius Erasmus

*Sometimes a selected word may have religious connotation. The word is selected purely for the purpose of illustration only. It
is not the intention of the writer to teach or spread any religion. Unless expressly stated, all opinions in the article are purely
that of the writer and not necessarily that of the REF.

© RCBKS 2013


YMP-SNAP 0115
Equipping youths with a life compass
REF Values Education Workshop, 27-28 May2013

Few projects, indeed few things in
life, are as rewarding and as satisfying
as spending time with a group of
youngsters helping and preparing
them for the challenges of life ahead.
One such project is the Rotary
Education Fund (REF) Values
Education Workshop. It certainly
wasn’t a “piece of cake” for those of
us who actively participated in the
programme as trainers. It required
preparation and a little bit of anxiety
waiting our turns to make our
presentations.

The REF Values Education Workshop 2013

Yet no real satisfaction can come without doing some serious work. A few
butterflies in the stomachs though before our “acts” forestalled complacency.

And so it began on the Monday morning when about 56 students from SMK Sri
Permata, SMK Pulau Carey and our REA awardees from various pilot Rotary clubs
and schools turned up at the meeting place (Sri Permata) promptly to board the
bus for Glory Beach Resort, Port Dickson. Their energy levels remained high after
the 3-day leadership camp in March at the same place in anticipation of another
exciting programme by trainer Shankar Santhiram and his team from EQTD
Consulting. The values education programme was to be more talks and less
outdoor physical activities, as there was to be a lot of serious “wisdom” to
absorb in the 1½-day workshop.

Rotarians and volunteer mentors got to participate actively in the values
workshop giving talks on Self-Belief (Mike Carr), Honesty (Anthony Pinto and
Leela Singham), Compassion (EQTD team), Responsibility (Steve Robinson) and
Humility (YL Yee). Besides giving a thorough introduction to the programme,

Shankar was always around to introduce the speakers and to bring context to the
various talks. Our presentations with a good mix of styles, kept the students
constructively engaged throughout the workshop.

A stay-in workshop like this allowed students and trainers to form strong bonds,
having meals together and informal discussions late into the night. The first
night’s programme finished at about 11pm. The students were warned that the
workshop was not a holiday but an important opportunity packed with
knowledge that will last a life time, as it were. A good values programme such as
the one we run is meant to provide a strong foundation for a better start, a
better life for the youngsters. Indeed “values” is the compass with which one
wades through life looking for the ultimate destination of success and happiness.
And the REF Values Education Workshop aimed to equip the youngsters with a
high quality life compass.

© RCBKS 2013


YMP-SNAP 0116
Areté
Excellence is a talent or quality which is unusually
good and so surpasses ordinary standards. It is also
an aimed for standard of performance. The Ancient
Greeks had a concept of Areté which meant an
outstanding fitness for purpose. Areté, in its basic
sense, means excellence of any kind. In its earliest
appearance in Greek, this notion of excellence was
ultimately bound up with the notion of the
fulfillment of purpose or function: the act of living
up to one's full potential. Areté in ancient Greek
culture was courage and strength in the face of
adversity and it was to what all people aspired.

Statue of Arete in Celcius’
Library In Ephesus
The most articulated value in Greek culture is Areté. Translated as "virtue," the
word actually means something closer to "being the best you can be," or
"reaching your highest human potential."
In the Homeric poems, Areté is frequently associated with bravery, but more
often, with effectiveness. The man or woman of Areté is a person of the highest
effectiveness; they use all their faculties: strength, bravery, wit, and
deceptiveness, to achieve real results. In the Homeric world, then, Areté
involves all of the abilities and potentialities available to humans. The concept
implies a human-centered universe in which human actions are of paramount
importance; the world is a place of conflict and difficulty, and human value and
meaning is measured against individual effectiveness in the world.
Areté is explicitly linked with human knowledge, where the expressions "virtue
is knowledge" and "Areté is knowledge" are used interchangeably. The highest
human potential is knowledge and all other human abilities are derived from
this central capacity. - Extract from Wikipedia
“Who aims at excellence will be above mediocrity;
who aims at mediocrity will be far short of it.”
– An old Burmese saying


YMP-SNAP 0117
Someone cared enough to sponsor Darshinii

Darshinii Pannir Selvam
RCBKS’s Awardee 2009-2011. Sponsored by
N.H. Liu of RC Chungli Chung Shing, Taiwan.
Darshinii is now studying for a Diploma in
Accountancy under a
SEGi University College – Inner Wheel of KL
Scholarship Programme

“I will always bear in mind
that my life has turned out
well despite all the
difficulties because there
are wonderful people like
all of you to extend a
helping hand when I
needed it the most.”
Darshinii P.S., Rotary Club Bulletin, 28 April 2012

A number of Rotary Clubs have an active mentoring programme to guide promising high
school students from low income families. We call the programme the Rotary Education Award
(REA). The REA is a values-based holistic programme administered by the club’s Rotary
Education Fund that gives students assistance in four main areas:

§ Financial assistance
§ Mentoring
§ Leadership training
§ Values education

Our assistance can last up to five years depending on when the student first joins our
programme. For as little as RM2,000 you can sponsor a student for a year and help us nurture
one of our awardees into a future leader. Contact your Rotary Club for more information.

Be a Sponsor Today!
*The above is published with permission.


© RCBKS 2013


The Magic of Question YMP-SNAP 0118

Through an almost magical process born of
asking questions and listening, the Socratic
Method helps you discover your inborn
ability to create, think and solve problems.
Something almost magical happens when
someone asks us a question and then truly
listens to our reply. Like the proverbial key
to a chest filled with incredible riches,
questions seem to unlock our brains, help us
make connections, invent new ideas, see an
issue from different perspectives, and
discover solutions to problems that we
never knew we knew!

Responding at an REF camp debriefing

Because such knowledge comes from within us, not from the outside world, it is
truly “ours.” It quickly becomes part of our conscious knowledge; it is not
something that we have to “stuff in” to our brains or cram for in order to learn.

“Great mentors, unlike teachers, almost never provide answers. They rather seek
to provide their mentees with the questions which they believe will best lead to
the learning that is unique to the individual being mentored.”
J.E. Hughes

© RCBKS 2013


YMP-SNAP 0119
A Desire to Help Yourself
In selecting students for the Rotary Education
Award, we say that we want to have those
who demonstrate a desire to help themselves.
We want to help those who are from difficult
circumstances (lower income group) and who
dream of a better life; who have a tangible
desire to help themselves get to a better life.
Yet while we have a rough idea, what this
nebulous quality really means has never been
clearly defined.

What is this quality we call a “desire to help
yourself”?

In the Annual REF Mentor Workshop of January 2013, we set out to explore
this by setting “A Desire to Help Yourself” as the central theme of the workshop.
40 mentors and potential mentors where present and they were asked from
their experience, what this quality means to them. In one exercise, they were
each given 2x4in cards to write down in one word, what “A desire to help
yourself” means. The flood of the words that came forth included: Hard work,
motivation, courage, focused, engaged, ambitious, hunger, faith, disciplined,
open-mindedness, being the best, give all, communicator, proactive, willingness
to learn, drive, frankness and dream.

How can we classify them? A clue came in the form of a Forbes Magazine article
of April 2012 which talked about a survey of 1200 of the world’s leading
organizations on what they thought were the top 5 personality traits that
employers hire most. The results of the survey were that 86% of the
respondents said Professionalism, 78% said High Energy, 61% said Confidence,
58% said Self Monitoring and 57% said Intellectual Curiosity.

Interestingly, the output of the REF workshop exercise may be grouped under
the following headings:

These headings resemble the traits most sought after by the top 1200 leading
organizations in the world.

While this is undoubtedly a simple comparison, nevertheless the lesson we can
learn from this is clear. The qualities that resemble a “desire to help yourself”
are the same qualities that top organizations look for in their employees. If
students learn to develop these qualities, they will ensure that their future
(employability) is bright – they will be sought after by top employers.

Finally, in terms of implications on our work in the REF, if we are able to find
students with these five qualities, we will be able to obtain students with high
potential, we can employ an enabling (vs instructive) approach to our
mentoring, the time required to mentor will be less and we are likely to
maximize the success rate of our programme.

In conclusion, what we are looking for when we say we want students that have
a “desire to help themselves”, are students who show academic achievement,
enthusiasm, confidence, responsibility and curiosity.

© RCBKS 2013


YMP-SNAP 0120
No Fish Today, Try Again Tomorrow
The Noble Fisherman

The fisherman prepares himself each
day to go out to fish. He knows he is
not assured of catching any fish on a
given day and therefore he is better
off having no expectations. He goes
to a location where he thinks the fish
are; readies himself by baiting his
hook, casting his line and then he just
waits for fish to bite.

The fisherman does not and cannot chase after the fish because he knows that’s
not the way to catch fish and therefore his line and equipment are not geared for
a chase. All that he can do is to prepare himself and then just wait, being silent
and being still.

The fisherman cannot be too eager to catch the fish. Both the surrounding
environment and the behaviour of fish have to be fully studied and understood.
Knowledge, experience, skill and great patience are required and once the “trap”
is fully laid, instead of chasing after the fish, he waits and lets the fish come to
him. His focus is on the ritual of meticulously preparing a trap to catch the fish as
opposed to literally chasing after the fish. The fisherman realizes that often a
chase posture will only allow him to catch small fish whereas allowing fish to
“come to him” results in catching the big one.

And so when a big fish bites and puts up a fight, the fisherman will not resist but
instead gives the fish as much line as it wants. But each time the fish tires,
without much fuss the fisherman will just reel his line in a little until finally, the
big fish gives up whereupon the fight is over and the fisherman has caught the
fish.

If fish doesn’t bite that day, the fisherman returns home contenting himself with

the thought that there is, “no fish today, try again tomorrow”. Thinking any
other way will just be setting himself up for potential disappointment, something
that he can do without if he intends to catch fish the next day.

Fish come and fish go. The fisherman realizes too that no matter how good he is,
sometimes a fish is just too smart to be caught. In that case he just lets it go,
acknowledging his match with a smile and a slight tip of his cap. On some
challenging days, the fisherman may battle against the waves but he is aware
never to fight the tide. Yet even as the tide goes out, he knows it will surely come
back the next day, bringing with it a fresh supply of fish to harvest – yes, even
some of the fish he tried so hard but failed to catch the previous day. All may not
be lost.

But while he may catch as many fish as he likes, he brings home only what he will
legitimately use, setting the rest free. In that way, he feels he will always have
fish to catch.

How many noble values can you spot in this short story about a noble profession?
Can you spot the following?: Faith, Honesty, Patience, Open-mindedness, Discipline, Hard Work,
Preparedness, Self-Belief, Perseverance, Determination, Contentment, Equanimity, Humility,
Compassion, Fairness, Courage, Acceptance, Optimism, Responsibility, Temperance…

© RCBKS 2013


YMP-SNAP 0121
Providing Career Guidance
Let us review our objectives as mentors
to the REF awardees. On the highest
level, we want to help the mentee:
§ Discover who he (or she) is
§ Be the best he can be – discovering
his potential
§ Learn to take personal
responsibility for his own future

On a day-to-day ground level basis, we
want to help the mentee:
§ Stay in school
§ Improve his grades
§ With his career decision (and
tertiary education decisions)

Factors affecting the choice of career
In all the above, we must always remember to be a good role model to him.

In particular, an important role as a mentor is to help your mentee with career
guidance and to connect him with opportunities that will help him decide his
choice of career. These may come in the form of in-depth discussions,
recommended reads and introductions to people who are in professions that
the mentee may be interested in.

Many students, among our mentees, know how to study hard, yet have little to
no idea what careers to choose. They have become “professional students” who
know how to get good grades but have spent little to no time thinking about
their careers. What does one need to consider when thinking about a career
choice?

Help your mentee go back to the basics and ask:

1. What kind of life do I want? (Your mission)
2. What am I passionate at? (Your interests)
3. What am I potentially good at? (Your aptitude)

and also important but to a lesser extent,

4. What are the opportunities related to the chosen career?
(Your employability)

These questions relate to who you (the mentee) are and where you want to go.
Once you know where you want to go, then things will start to move, things will
happen for the better. Others will come to your help. You will be able to find the
way and pick up the skills and resources necessary to succeed. But you must
first figure out where you want to go … by first knowing who you are. And so in
our mentoring, we can never avoid the higher objectives mentioned above.

An important consideration in choosing a career is to understand the difference
between your interests and your aptitude. Many students confuse a hobby
interest with a career choice. The latter should be based on both interest and
aptitude. A hobby interest can be pursued concurrently with a career choice.
But the choice of career must deliver the ability to earn a living that will then
deliver the life that one wants. A hobby can be pursued separately, without
thinking of its ability to earn an income. Students who confuse the two will
often pick something which they ought to pursue as a hobby instead of a career.

“Until one is committed, there is hesitancy … Whatever you can do, or dream
you can do, begin it. Boldness has genius, power, and magic in it. Begin now.”
William Hutchinson Murray
Scottish mountaineer and writer, 1913-96

© RCBKS 2013


YMP-SNAP 0122
Choosing a Career – Interest versus Aptitude
They say that, “For young people to learn, you’ve got to make it interesting for
them. But for adults to learn, you’ve got to make it important for them. For
adults, if it’s important they’ll make it interesting for themselves.” Many things
can be interesting for us but fewer things are important. And even fewer, we
are good at. Therein lies the difference. Those things that we have a potential to
be good at are those which we call we have an “aptitude” for. And there tend to
be fewer of them.

The universe of the things that you are interested in (or “What am I passionate
about?”), will not completely coincide with the universe of things that you are
potentially good at (your aptitude or “What am I good at?”), even if you tried
your hardest. That’s because for some things, you may not have that inborn
talent for it. For e.g. you may like music but may be tone deaf, so it is unlikely
that you can make a career out of being a musician. However, where the two
universes coincide are the things that you are passionate about and have a
potential to be good at. That’s where you should consider seriously choosing
your career and your field of tertiary study.

Make your career choice from the list of things that you are interested in and
have an aptitude for, by pondering over the question of “What kind of life do I
want?” (My Mission*)

But before you make your final choice from that list, think seriously too that
which you are most passionate about and have the strongest set of (potential)
skills in.

Many students confuse a hobby interest with a career choice. The latter should
be based on both interest and aptitude. A hobby interest can be pursued
concurrently with a career choice. But the choice of career must deliver the
ability to earn a living that will then deliver the life that one wants. A hobby can
be pursued separately, without thinking of its ability to earn an income.
Students who confuse the two will often pick something which they ought to
pursue as a hobby instead of a career.

*Look out for a forthcoming Mentor Snapshot article on “Your Mission Statement” and choosing the life that you
want.

© RCBKS 2013


YMP-SNAP 0123
Developing Your Mission and Setting Clear Goals
Choosing a career – Start by figuring out the life that you want

"He who has the Why to live for, can
bear with almost any How," said the
philosopher Nietzsche. Varying this
slightly we say that, "He who
understands the Why to live for, will
find the How."

Many who have lost their will to live
say, "I have nothing more to expect
from life." This unfortunately is the
wrong attitude towards life. A life well
lived is not a matter of what we expect
from life but rather, it is a matter of
what life expects of us.

Your Goals and Mission are built on a foundation of Values

We must take responsibility for our own life. Don’t ask for the meaning of life but
ask instead, what meaning we give to our life (and to the lives of others). Life is
about giving, not about taking. Life is about compassion, and living a higher
purpose. Only then will we give meaning to life. Only when we give meaning will
we find meaning in our life.

And so any attempt at helping someone identify and achieve a goal effectively,
has to do with helping him find meaning for the goal (the "Why"). With meaning
comes hope. With hope comes motivation and inner strength to soldier on
towards the goal.

An individual's mission in life has to therefore be meaningful. The process of
developing a mission has to begin with discovering and understanding who you
are, gaining an insight into your own identity. This may be defined by the (5-6)
values or beliefs that are most important to you, those that have meaning to you.
Your values describe what you believe in.

Once you have established the values that are important to you, proceed to
develop the next layer, your mission. A personal mission statement will describe
qualitatively what kind of life you want and consists of 3 parts: 1. What do you
want to do? 2. Who do you want to help? 3. What is the value you wish to
create?

Keep your mission statement short, simple and crisp; a one sentence statement
that drives you in your life. It's important to "anchor" the mission on values that
really mean something to you. Once the mission is properly created, work out
what this means to the various (4-5) roles you play in your life, such as individual,
friend, son (or daughter), student and community member. Align the actions you
take for each role you play with your values and mission. Misalignment creates
unhappiness and conflicts between how you see yourself and how you actually
are. Finally, for each of the actions or activities in turn, identify the 2-3
measurable goals you wish to achieve, noting that the more tangible the goals
are, the more likely you will be of actually achieving it. The goals are the
quantitative part of your mission.

A meaningful mission becomes the powerful motivation (or the "Why") for you to
achieve your goals. A mission statement is dynamic. It may change as you gain
more knowledge, experience and skills in life. Review it regularly.

One of the common mistakes students make in a mission statement
development exercise is that they do not make enough effort to figure out the
values that are important to them. When that happens, the resulting personal
mission statement does not "resonate" with the individual and therefore lacks
power. Your Goals and Mission are built on a foundation of Values. They must be
YOUR values. Ultimately though, the values that really mean something profound
to an individual are altruistic and noble values. The purpose of a mission
statement is to act as effective "headlights" or inspiration to direct a person on
his journey to where he needs to go. If the mission statement lacks power or
meaning, it will not achieve its purpose.

When the student has figured out his "mission in life",
he will find from it the "will to succeed"

*This is the final part of a 3-part series on Career Guidance. See also articles 0121 & 0122

programme. These 5-minute "snapshots" are also shared with friends of REF who may not be mentors.
© RCBKS 2013

Sent: Wednesday, August 14, 2013 11:35 AM

YMP-SNAP 0124
Trust in the Mentor
Being able to help the mentee make
important and difficult decisions

Confronted with important decisions such as which stream (science or arts) to
take in Form 4 or which career to pursue, many REF mentees have difficulty
deciding. Additionally, time may not favour them. In such instances, mentor
advice can be very helpful. Yet some students are hesitant to take the advice
whole heartedly because trust has not developed sufficiently in their relationship
with their mentors. Because of this, a mentee may appear to “not listen well” to
the advice, ending up in making a “wrong” decision.

How does trust (and respect) develop
in a mentor-mentee relationship?

Here, the Howard Jackson Model for
systematically building trust and
respect is helpful. It is a repeatable
series of steps that build on from each
other in sequence to establish better
collaboration.

Straight Talk - Open and direct communication is the first building block for
trust and respect.

Listening for Understanding – Focus your attention on understanding the
meaning behind what your mentee is saying. There is a big difference between
waiting for your turn to speak and really listening. Hear, Understand, Interpret,
and then Respond.

Making Commitments – Be clear about what you will do. Agree on the What,
By When, By Whom, and How steps. Communicate your intentions and stick to
them.

Reliability – Do what you say you will do without fail. If circumstances have
changed and it no longer makes sense to do what you said you would do,
communicate back and explain why, and discuss and agree on the new steps.
Follow through over-and-over; be reliable, unfailing and dependable.

Trust – Trust results from the firm belief that another person can be relied
upon. Trust is the result of straight talk, making sure you understand and are
understood, and keeping confidences as well as commitments.

Respect – Although there are many levels of respect, the respect that follows
trust leads to deep esteem for another person. Your mentee values your
thoughts and input, and he knows he can count on you because you have
proven yourself to him.

As a mentor, you may encounter occasions when the mentee is not listening well
to you. It could be that there is an issue of trust. If he (or she) trusts you, he will
listen and respond to the advice effectively. Realize too that trust takes time to
build. That is why, among other factors, mentoring requires the mentor to be
with the mentee for at least 1-2 years to be effective. Only then will the mentee
(and his family) be familiar enough to begin to really trust you. Besides
demonstrating that you are competent (knowledgeable, skilled and
experienced), only when the mentee feels that you have looked after his best
interest and that you are committed to helping him will he begin to listen and
trust your advice.

© RCBKS 2013


YMP-SNAP 0125
Go beyond your Comfort Zone … Grow Everyday
(a.k.a. Embracing Change)

You have to get out of your comfort zone
to discover something new and significant.
This is what's called learning. You need to
do this too in order to discover and reach
your full potential. Growing into your
potential is another way of saying gaining
the full wisdom you are capable of.
However, getting out of the comfort zone
does not have to mean being over-
competitive and rude. Rather, it means
being compassionate and being respectful
of others. It means eventually becoming an
enlightened individual.

A young student stepping out of her comfort zone
and making a presentation at the REF Leadership Camp
Your attitude towards getting out of the comfort zone is important. If you have a
positive attitude, your experience will be both interesting and eye-opening. Your
reward will always outweigh the cost many times over. The experience will in
fact not feel too uncomfortable although you may be nervous. Like an
adventure, you have an expectation to discover and learn something new, often
about yourself. Then the boundary of your comfort zone expands while anxiety
and stress reduce magically. It's all to do with awareness and attitude.

Now, way beyond the comfort zone is an area called the “panic zone”, where
you are totally unfamiliar with everything. In this zone, because you are
panicking, your performance level will come down. But somewhere between
your comfort zone and the panic zone is an area called the “growth zone”. This
lies at the outer edge of and just beyond your comfort zone. It is where you take
calculated risks and it is where your personal performance peaks.

So here’s the thing. Meeting and engaging with a good teacher that wants to
help you achieve your potential is never comfortable because by definition, he
(or she) will have to get you out of your comfort zone to the growth zone to

reach your potential. Once you realize this, you may feel a healthy dose of
nerves, but you won’t feel too uncomfortable anymore.

And so as a mentor, you must get your mentee out of his (or her) comfort zone
once in a while, to help him discover his potential – it may require you to get out
of your own comfort zone too. That’s how REF activities, such as the leadership
camp and the values education workshop, are designed. That’s much of the
philosophy behind learning and achieving one’s potential. Just before the camp
and workshop, be sure to prepare your mentee and encourage him to
participate, even if it may be uncomfortable, in order for him to grow and
benefit fully from the programme.

“Life is an ongoing process of choosing between safety (out of fear and need for
defense) and risk (for the sake of progress and growth).
Make the growth choice a dozen times a day”
Abraham H. Maslow

© RCBKS 2013


YMP-SNAP 0126
Wisdom of the Ages

We fear our highest possibility. We
are generally afraid of that which we
can glimpse in our most perfect
moments. Life is an ongoing process
of choosing between safety out of
fear, and risk for the sake of growth.
Make the growth choice a dozen
times a day. If you deliberately set
out to be less that you are capable,
you’ll be unhappy for the rest of your
life. With realization of one’s own
potential and self confidence in one’s
ability, one can build a better world.

Sunrise at Mount Everest
To find yourself, think for yourself. A man (or a woman) is but a product of his
thoughts. What he thinks he becomes. Whether you think you can, or you think
you can’t – you are right. Mistakes are always forgivable, if one has the courage
to admit them. It is neither good nor bad, but thinking makes it so.

Happiness is not another place but this place; not for another hour, but for this
hour. When one door of happiness closes, another opens; but often we look so
long at the closed door that we do not see the one which has been opened for
us. Reflect upon your present blessings, of which every man has many; not of
your past misfortunes, of which all men has some. We are not held back by the
love we did not receive in the past, but by the love we are not extending in the
present.

There is no path to happiness; happiness is the path. When anger arises, think of
the consequences. For every minute you are angry you lose sixty seconds of
happiness. Remember, happiness does not depend on who you are or what you
have; it depends solely upon what you think. Happiness is not achieved by
conscious pursuit of happiness; it is generally the by-product of other activities.
Happiness is not something ready-made. It comes from your own actions.

Happiness is when what you think, what you say, and what you do are in
harmony. But happiness is no respecter of persons. Happiness is a butterfly,
which when pursued, is always just beyond your grasp, but which, if you will sit
still down quietly, may alight upon you.

You can’t create experience, you undergo it. We think too much and feel too
little. We seldom realize, for example that our most private thoughts and
emotions are not actually our own. For we think in terms of languages and
images which we did not invent, but which were given to us by our society. Take
away paradox from the thinker and you have a professor. If you spend too much
time thinking about a thing, you’ll never get it done. I can feel guilty about the
past, apprehensive about the future, but only in the present can I act. Take time
to deliberate, but when the time for action comes, stop thinking and go in.

The ability to be in the present moment is a major component of mental
wellness. The secret of health for both mind and body is not to mourn for the
past, nor to worry about the future, but to live the present moment wisely and
earnestly. This is the real secret of life – to be completely engaged with what you
are doing in the here and now. And instead of calling it work, realize it is play.

*This essay is composed entirely of quotations by: Mohandas Gandhi, Socrates, Henry Ford, Abraham Maslow, Bruce Lee, Dalai Lama, Buddha,
William Shakespeare, Stephen Fry, Nathaniel Hawthorne, Aldous Huxley, Walt Whitman, Charles Dickens, Marianne Williamson, Alan Watts,
Charlie Chaplin, Albert Camus, Soren Kierkegaard, Ralph Waldo Emerson, Confucius, Dale Carnegie, Helen Keller, Napoleon Bonaparte,
Douglas Adams and Salvador Dali.

© RCBKS 2013


YMP-SNAP 0127
Taking Ownership
(a.k.a. Taking Responsibility)
Every day, many good ideas come
your way. They often come by way of
others. But you will not take action to
practice them unless you OWN them.
How do you take ownership? The
easiest way is by discovering the idea
yourself. But what if the good idea
came from someone else? Are you
prepared to own it? The only way is if
your mind has been preparing itself
for the idea all this while. Then you
will be open to it. Then it becomes like
accepting a precious gift.

REF Mentee Letchumanan with his mentors, Ong (L) and Jeremy

“Opportunity favours the prepared mind.” There must be a need for it. How do
you know if you have a need? By actively, honestly and humbly developing
egoless self-awareness about who you really are and what you really need to
improve yourself, to gain success in the things you do. Actively assess your
strengths and your weaknesses. Ask yourself what values (e.g. “open-
mindedness”) represent you and what other values you wish to develop. Then
you will know what you need. Then you will be able to see, accept and take the
necessary action on good ideas that come your way, like a precious gift.

What happens when you take ownership of an idea? You begin to get excited
over it, you find out more about it, you take responsibility for it. You take
responsibility for making sure it succeeds. You take action. You spread it. Most
importantly, you charge it with energy and enthusiasm so that others that come
in contact with the idea also get excited over it. It “catches fire”. Taking
ownership and responsibility is about both individual leadership (self-discovery
and taking charge of your own future) and group leadership (taking charge of a
team).

And one more thing about taking action; you need the self-belief (courage) to

take the calculated risk so that you carry out the good idea through to
completion – “Fortune favours the brave.”

Please help your mentee with this realization.

© RCBKS 2013


YMP-SNAP 0128

The Objectives of the REF

Did you know that the objectives of the
REF are as follows? :

1. Assist underprivileged 15-19 year old
students (“the students”), by providing
financial assistance and personal
educational support, e.g. mentoring
and training courses.

Mentee Kushallini (2
nd
L) and her family
with Mentor PP Ghaurry (R)
2. Assist the students to stay in full time education; improve their grades; make
appropriate career/tertiary education choices and provide them with access
to appropriate “life skills” training opportunities.

3. Provide the students and their families with a network of opportunities and
contacts so as to expose the students to a range of career choices that they
may not otherwise be exposed in order to assess future opportunities
properly.

4. Develop the students to their full potential by “being the best they can be”.

5. Nurture the students into good citizens who will make a useful contribution
to society and who will in time involve themselves in activities for the
betterment of their communities.

“A Better Start. A Better Life.”
The Rotary Education Fund

© RCBKS 2013

Sent: Wednesday, September 18, 2013 11:23 AM

YMP-SNAP 0129
It seems simple at first, the notion of
being a mentor: someone who spends
time guiding a young person. But once
you are in the mentor role, you may find
yourself in situations where you are
uncertain about your part in the
relationship. Is it appropriate to provide
discipline when she’s out of line? What if
I suspect he is experiencing trouble at
home—what is my responsibility? How
can I have the most positive impact on
my mentee? There is no one answer
concerning what your role is or is not.

Mentee Shaminiswary (L) with her brother Para
and mother Mrs Thilagam

Clarify your role as a mentor. Ask yourself,

1. What role does the REF expect me to play as a mentor?

2. What role do I expect to play as a mentor?

3. What role do I think my mentee will expect me to play as a mentor?

4. What are some possible role conflicts and what do I think might be done to
resolve these conflicts?

© RCBKS 2013

Sent: Wednesday, September 25, 2013 12:51 PM

YMP-SNAP 0130

The role of a mentor is three
fold. Help the mentee discover
who he is. Help the mentee
“be the best he can”, to reach
his full potential. Finally, help
the mentee learn to take
responsibility for his future.

It means,

potential

“The miracle power that elevates the few is to be found
in their industry, application, and perseverance,
Mark Twain

© RCBKS 2013


YMP-SNAP 0131
When Things are Not Working
Mentee Delinquency – Part 1

Mentoring is not a bed of roses. No
matter how rigorous the selection
process for a mentee is, sometimes
the mentorship can still run into
difficulties. There can be many
causes. Some of these include poor
mentee attitude, lack of buy-in from
parents/guardian and mentor-
mentee mismatch. In part 1 of this
article, we explore what actions to
take when we encounter the
challenge of Mentee Delinquency.

Does the mentee continue to demonstrate a desire to
help himself?
When a mentee is not responding positively to mentoring and becomes
problematic (“delinquent”) and termination of the REF award becomes a
consideration, then the following needs to be considered/done:

1. Mentors must escalate the issue to the Club REF Working Committee
(RWC) – through the mentoring lead
2. The mentorship moves into a “special monitoring phase”
3. Mentors must keep the RWC informed of progress/lack of progress
4. Mentors must provide and agree with the mentee what we want to see
from him during this “special monitoring phase”
5. Mentors must document the timeline and any warnings given to the
student
6. A “final” decision (by the RWC with recommendations from the Mentors)
is then made as to the further action at the end of this period.
Timeline during the “Special Monitoring Phase”
The purpose of the timeline containing milestones/deliverables during the
special monitoring phase is essentially to assess the mentee’s attitude. Here we
are giving the mentee some simple assignments and measuring whether he (or

she) is making progress against the dimensions of:

1. Academic Achievement
2. Enthusiasm and Energy
3. Confidence
4. Responsibility
5. Intellectual Curiosity

These dimensions essentially make up the quality of “a desire to help oneself”.
Remember that the mentee was originally chosen because he was supposed to
possess this quality. The timeline and action plan during this phase are
developed to assess if this is still present in (or recoverable by) him. The period
of this phase is typically about 2 months and mentors are asked to supervise the
mentee more frequently and closely during this phase.

The timeline may include the following actions depending on the mentee’s
performance:
1. Talking to the person/s who recommended the mentee, e.g. the teacher
2. Letter of warning from the REF
3. Offer HELP University’s professional counseling resources if the family and
the mentee can agree to it

© RCBKS 2013


YMP-SNAP 0132
When Things are Not Working
Mentee Delinquency – Part 2

Mentoring is not a bed of roses. No
matter how rigorous the selection
process for a mentee is, sometimes
the mentorship can still run into
difficulties. There can be many
causes. Some of these include poor
mentee attitude, lack of buy-in from
parents/guardian and mentor-
mentee mismatch. In part 2 of this
article on Mentee Delinquency, we
explore two possible causes and
what the objective of disengagement
or termination should be.

Is there buy-in of the mentoring objectives and process
from the parents of the mentee?
Parent/Guardian Buy-in
A most important aspect of mentoring is that parents/guardian must be on
board with the aims and the process of mentoring. Assess if this is one of the
causes resulting in the delinquency. Be on the lookout especially for
parents/guardian paying “lip service”, when actions do not align with words,
indicating undermining of the mentorship. Only when it is assessed that the
problem is not with parents’ ownership of the overall mentorship, can we
consider student attitude as a possible cause of the delinquency.

Mentor-Mentee Mismatch
A possible cause for the delinquency may be due to us as mentors. Have we
done all that is expected of us as mentors? We cannot assume that the mentee
(and his family) will immediately welcome our help, no matter how noble we
think our work is. Like entering any relationship, we cannot take anything for
granted. For e.g. have we spent enough time with the mentee to gain his trust?
Sufficient contact time is a key for either party to get to know each other. The
basics of relationship and trust development must apply. Or are we providing

the “correct” approach? We may be too “controlling” or we are “not doing what
we preach” (poor role modeling). Are we speaking in a language that the
student understands? Are we sufficiently empathetic towards the mentee and
his present circumstances? It is obvious that there can be many reasons. At this
juncture, it is important to cast our ego aside and then do an honest mentor
self-assessment.

As mentors, we have to utilize the ample opportunities the REF provides to
spend time with the mentee, such as the Rotary club’s community service
projects (e.g. Tree Planting project), leadership camps and values workshops.
Find time to pick the student up and have breakfast with him prior to an event.
All these count towards showing empathy and compassion. Time spent with the
mentee is often interpreted by the mentee as love.

Disengagement or Termination
Sometimes termination of the award may be the best lesson we can give to a
delinquent mentee, although this must be left as a final option. The
disengagement must be done with the objective of making it a constructive
lesson to the mentee and not have it become another experience of
abandonment for him (and the family). Termination must (wherever possible
and to the best of our ability) be done with the aim of crystallizing awareness in
the mentee that the mentorship is a missed golden opportunity. So mentors
must prepare the mentee and the family appropriately for this event.

Finally, before a termination, ask the mentee what he is going to do after the
termination. If possible, advise him regarding his options.

If the disengagement is done properly, the mentee gains a realization and will
go forward mindful of not wasting future opportunities given to him. If this
process is handled badly, we could leave an indelible scar of abandonment,
failure and disappointment in the mentee and his family. Always keep in mind
that in the mentee, we are dealing with a person with feelings – and in this
instance, most likely a sensitive person too.

© RCBKS 2013


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The Search for Meaning in Life
What meaning do we give to our life?

It is a feature of an intelligent
individual’s life that at some point he
(or she) will ask the question “What is
the meaning of life?” or “How do I get
fulfillment in my life?” It is what
psychologists call an individual’s
“existential crisis”. To be sure, the
question should not be what the
meaning of life is as much as what
meaning do I give to my life and to the
life of others. Not, “Why do I exist?”
but rather, “What do I exist for?”

“You will never live if you are looking
for the meaning of life.”
Albert Camus

Volunteer mentoring by professionals provides an
opportunity for giving meaning to the lives of a young
individual and his family from the lower income group.

Life will be more fulfilling, less empty and more meaningful only if you have a
purpose beyond yourself – move away from self-centeredness. Only if you do
more than taking care of your own needs, to taking care of the needs of others
will you feel truly happy. This is because we live in a reality of an interconnected
and interdependent world, a world where we cannot avoid making connections
and having relationships. In fact, a world where we find more fulfilling when we
do have relationships with others and with our environment. No man is an
island. And because we have to have relationships in order to live our lives, the
quality of our relationships becomes important. How fulfilled we feel depends on
this quality.

Human beings are social creatures. We have to care for others and we have to
feel cared for. Love and be loved. To have a truly fulfilling life, we find that we
have to make a difference to someone else’s life other than that of our own. To
make a positive difference to someone else’s life is to give meaning to the life of

another. When we make a small positive difference we feel a little fulfilled.
When we make a significant positive difference, we feel more fulfilled. When we
are constantly making a difference to the lives of others, we feel constantly
fulfilled.

And so in Rotary, the types of projects we do impact our own personal
fulfillment differently. Projects such as one-time parties (cheer sessions) for old
folks and underprivileged children giving happiness to them for a fleeting
moment will make us feel a little fulfilled. But projects such as building a better
home for old folks improving the quality of their lives or providing long term
education opportunities to youths, such as the Rotary Education Fund and
Award, giving the students a brighter future will give us longer lasting fulfillment.

We talk of “Service above Self” but in fact the truth is we serve others in order to
gain true personal happiness. The paradox is that only by serving others can we
truly serve our self; and only by serving our self can we serve others effectively.
And so we say, help yourself first in order to be better able to ultimately help
others, and then you will gain personal happiness (which in the end has a self-
serving element).

What we are saying is that you can’t be truly happy, fulfilled or find meaning in
your own life without serving others, without caring for others, without making a
difference to the lives of others, without giving meaning to the lives of others.

“Human beings—through their consciousness—create their own values and
determine a meaning for their life because, in the beginning, the human being
does not possess any inherent identity or value. By posing the acts that
constitute him or her, he or she makes his or her existence more significant.”
This, in the final analysis is how man or woman is wired.

“Existence precedes essence.”
Jean-Paul Sartre

© RCBKS 2013


YMP-SNAP 0134
The Search for the Elixir of Life
Embrace Change

“The elixir of life, also known as elixir
of immortality and sometimes
equated with the philosopher's stone,
is a legendary or mythical potion, or
drink, that when drank from a certain
cup, at a certain time, grants the
drinker eternal life and or eternal
youth. Many alchemists pursued it.
The elixir of life was also said to be
able to create life. It is related to the
myths of Thoth and Hermes
Trismegistus, both of whom in various
tales are said to have drunk "the white
drops" (liquid gold) and thus achieved
immortality. It is mentioned in one of
the Nag Hammadi texts.” Wikipedia

Interact President Jayne at the recent RCBKS Tree
Planting outing at the Raja Musa Forest Reserve – a
perfect picture of charm and vibrant youth.

From time immemorial, man has searched for this elusive elixir, also sometimes
known as the fountain of youth. Yet he has not found it … or has he? Maybe the
elixir or fountain is not some obvious physical substance. Maybe instead, it is a
frame of mind?

Perhaps it is just a combination of spending time with youth and refusing to
close one’s mind to learning new things that will keep us forever young? It may
be simply retaining a willingness to adapt to change; and to change for the
better. Life is ever-changing and so “adaptation to change” has to be the way to
a meaningful existence.

We “grow old” when we stop learning or when we claim to already “know
enough” or when we think we “know better” or when we can conveniently
pigeon hole our self that we can say we are not meant to learn this or that.

When we retire to our comfort zones permanently, we are preparing our self for
the grave. It’s the beginning of the end. Getting out of the comfort zone and
embracing change is what will keep us challenged. Our body, our brain and our
spirit atrophies through insufficient use. The only way to keep ahead of this
effect is to stay out of the comfort zone. Live in the "growth" zone just beyond
the comfort zone, where we continue to take calculated risks. Yes, taking some
risk nourishes our "life force". It makes us feel alive!

“All my life I used to wonder what I would become when I grew up.
Then, about seven years ago, I realized that I was never going to grow up
– that growing is an ever ongoing process.”
Scott Peck

And so the elixir of life is not a vitamin, a supplement or some exotic herb which
many of us are constantly seeking. It is an attitude. Embrace change. Keep
learning. Spend time with young lives. Keep an open mind. Feel blessed. Try to
understand youngsters instead of trying to get youngsters to understand you.
Allow yourself to be filled with wonder and amazement.

If we are alert, we see many of such people around; always radiating energy,
showing a smiling face, and lighting up the whole room whenever they are
around. Old or young is not measured in years but it is an attitude. Youngsters
embrace change naturally; that’s why they are youngsters. Yet while we may be
young in age but if we choose to stop learning, we will manifest all the
symptoms of ageing.

Mentoring gives us the opportunity to embrace change. Indeed, we can only
make a positive difference to young lives if we are prepared to embrace change.
Mentor with the right attitude – with empathy and understanding. Youngsters
are always challenging us to think differently and to learn new things. “Embrace
Change” may well be the elusive elixir of life we have always been looking for.

© RCBKS 2013


YMP-SNAP 0135
Understanding the Real Significance of the REF
– Replication

To all stakeholders involved in the REF
project, not only members of RCBKS.
Every once in a while we have an
opportunity where the stage is set by
the work of some earlier dedicated
members of the team. All we have to
do is to take the baton (project) and
run with it as fast and as far as we
possibly can ... and with relatively
little effort, we will make an impact
far greater than we can imagine. The
REF in its present form is one such
opportunity (and project) – the bold
objectives already framed, the system
and processes already set up, the
awards already won and the
foundation already built.

Bridging great resources with great needs. Sponsor NH
Liu (“Win”) from the Rotary Club of Chungli-Chung
Shing, Taiwan with his sponsored REF student Darshinii
(right) and her family at a club function. Harshini (left) is
also a successful REF Awardee.

In short, a track record and credibility have been established in the last four
years. However, the greatest impact is not in carrying out the project in one
lone club, although that's important in itself. As professionals in community
service, we should always be searching for the “multiplier effect” in the
important projects that we do. Ask, “how do we get the maximum impact for
our effort?”

The greatest impact will come in replicating the project (“extension”) with many
clubs and organizations, bringing the benefit more effectively to more students
in need. We are now in this "second" even more important phase of our work
and building on the good work of the first. Take the golden baton and join the
work of the “extension team”. Together we do what we each can, sharing the
message with as many Rotary clubs as we can, the message of "making a

difference to lives one at a time". And in so doing, create an impact far beyond
our wildest dreams. Be a part of this fascinating, and possibly once in a lifetime
journey of meaning and fulfillment, right here.

To be sure, the REF is not an easy project to carry out. We have no illusions
about that. But we marvel at and are inspired by the interest shown everywhere
we go. Attendees at the REF workshops and talks are excited by the energy and
professionalism in the presentations and in the carrying out of the project at
club level. To date, 8 clubs have already started their own REFs. We can only
hope many more will do so. In time, it may spread to neighbouring districts and
who is to say where this will all go thereafter? For the extension team, this is
what Rotary work and community service are all about. And just like REF
mentoring, we see it as an honour, a privilege and a responsibility. We will keep
trying to get more team members and volunteers involved on the road shows.
Your presence and support will make a difference, besides providing the
opportunity for you to share your first hand experiences. Do join us and be
inspired, not just by the presentations but by the responses from the attendees
at the presentations. It is a sight to behold and a great feeling to experience.
Whatever may your reasons be for being a Rotarian (or a volunteer in this
project), know that this project has the potential of, and is already, creating
enormous value. Be there and be able to fully experience it. It is a time for
giving and in the REF, we really do have something very meaningful to share.

The platform has been created, to bridge great resources with great needs. The
effort henceforth is relatively little for the impact to be made that awaits us.
Join us, if you can, to take the next step forward. Your support can help
accomplish this “second” phase of spreading and teaching other interested
clubs to start their own REFs. When asked what personal fulfillment is, a wise
man once replied simply,

“Perhaps it is just to teach an interested someone
how to be able to do something good.”

© RCBKS 2013


YMP-SNAP 0136
Whose need are we serving anyway?
From “It’s all about me” to “I’m all about it”

Child discipline is much about parent
discipline. The child learns from the
parents by example. It is easy sometimes
to lapse into playful indiscipline when
spending time with him (or her). For e.g. as
a parent, it is fun to feed your young child
from your plate. But if you do it, very soon
the child will refuse to eat from his plate
and will only eat from yours.
REF Awardee Noriza Bte Kemi (2
nd
right)
from Carey Island with her family

The child absorbs all these signals. Be very disciplined about conveying the right
messages all the time. For parents, setting a good example is a discipline that
they have to impose on themselves.

Ask our self each time we take an action in respect of the child whether we are
doing it to fulfill a need of the child or are we doing it to fulfill a need of our own.
If it is just for our own need, be very careful. E.g. soon after the child is born, a
parent may decide to put a “teddy” bear next to the sleeping baby even before
the baby has left the hospital. Is this action to fulfill a need of the child or to fulfill
a need of the parent?

The interventions and support a mentor can provide are not unlike that of a
parent. In the same way, each time we intervene and support the mentee, we
should ask our self honestly, “Am I fulfilling a need of the mentee or am I fulfilling
one of my own needs?” If the answer is the latter then think again, as this action
is likely to stem from selfishness and ego, rather than compassion and
generosity. Be disciplined about this.

When a mentor says, “I’m sure I know what I want to get out of the REF
programme,” let it be less about the “I” but instead, more about the mentee.


Sent: Tuesday, November 12, 2013 4:41 PM

YMP-SNAP 0137
The Falcons from Arabia

Once there was a king who received a
gift of two magnificent falcons from
Arabia. They were peregrine falcons,
the most beautiful birds he had ever
seen. He gave the precious birds to his
head falconer to be trained.

Months passed and one day the head
falconer informed the king that though
one of the falcons was flying
majestically, soaring high in the sky, the
other bird had not moved from its
branch since the day it had arrived.

The king summoned healers and sorcerers from all the land to tend to the
falcon, but no one could make the bird fly. He presented the task to the
member of his court, but the next day, the king saw through the palace window
that the bird had still not moved from its perch. Having tried everything else,
the king thought to himself, "May be I need someone more familiar with the
countryside to understand the nature of this problem." So he cried out to his
court, "Go and get a farmer."

In the morning, the king was thrilled to see the falcon soaring high above the
palace gardens. He said to his court, "Bring me the doer of this miracle."
The court quickly located the farmer, who came and stood before the king. The
king asked him, "How did you make the falcon fly?" With head bowed, the
farmer said to the king, " It was very easy, your highness. I simply cut the branch
of the tree where the bird was sitting."

We are all made to fly - to realize our incredible potential as human beings. But
instead of doing that, we sit on our branches, clinging to the things that are
familiar to us. The possibilities are endless, but for most of us, they remain
undiscovered. We conform to the familiar, the comfortable and the mundane.

So for the most part, our lives are mediocre instead of exciting, thrilling and
fulfilling. So let us learn to chop off the branch of comfort or fear we cling to and
free ourselves to the glory of flight.

*The above short story is contributed by Mentor Tan Poay Lim

© RCBKS 2013

Sent: Wednesday, November 20, 2013 11:59 AM

YMP-SNAP 0138
Creating the ability to deliver real long term value
REF turns 4 years old

Last Sunday, volunteer mentor Mun Yee
and I walked into Kampong Chempaka,
PJ armed with an interview guide, an
interview form, a camera and an REF
brochure; to interview a shortlisted
candidate. I realized a strong feeling of
being able to do something real. I
honestly felt empowered to be able to
"make a difference" to a young life
because we have developed the project
so thoroughly that I was confident I can
actually deliver real help to someone
who really needs it.

Volunteer mentor Mun Yee interviewing Shahmuni and
her single mother Mdm Suppulatchumy

Standing in front of the house in which Shahmuni and her mother
rent a room. They live with 10 others in the small house.
And "I" can make a difference
because we have the support to
deliver it to her on an ongoing basis
for the next 3-5 years. I know we
probably overuse this phrase "make a
difference" but there really isn't a
better way to describe it. I have been
in Rotary for more years than I can
recall and have never come across
anything like this in the country. The
authenticity of the project.

From commencement of the award to follow through to completion; the
student support, the mentor support, the sponsor support and ultimately the
observable and tangible overall success, I only read about projects like this in
magazines and websites, done by others overseas. But we are actually doing it
here and created it together! I include all other REF Rotary clubs when I say this.
All this because enough of us care, have the self-belief and put the effort into
making this infrastructure real. I have been involved in this project from the

beginning and I continue to feel energized by it. My blessed friends, we do live
in blessed times. Be very aware of this moment and avail yourselves to it.
Besides giving hope to students in need, this project equips volunteers with the
confidence to deliver. I hope the REF survives for a long time to come. But it will
only do so with the involvement of many of us.

Last week, the RCBKS Education Fund turned exactly 4 years old. It was
launched at a charity dinner with 200 guests at The Saujana Kuala Lumpur on 14
Nov 2009. Much has happened since then. So, may I humbly wish ...

“HAPPY BIRTHDAY REF!”

I also wish the REFs in all other Rotary clubs success.

*Article by YL Yee of the RCBKS Rotary Education Fund

© RCBKS 2013

Sent: Friday, November 29, 2013 12:41 PM

Values Education
In today’s open society, there is a
multitude of both positive and
negative influences. It is impractical,
if not impossible, to protect a child
from all the negative influences by
physically “ring fencing” and
isolating him from them without at
the same time shutting out
important experiences and positive
influences as well.
YMP-SNAP 0139

Yet the solution to this dilemma is still to expose the child progressively to
life, but at the same time build in him a strong value system. This is the only
realistic “protection” he can have from negative influences, while at the same
time enabling him to pick up positive influences too.

It can be very confusing at times, with the myriad of values one is supposed
to instil in a child. Fortunately, this process can be kept simple. The most
remember two things; give him plenty of love, and be a good example to
him. Teach your child noble values, largely by simply living them yourself.

Tenzin Gyatso

The REF runs a Values Education Workshop for awardees each year exploring noble values such as Self-
confidence, Honesty, Responsibility, Compassion and Humility. The next 2-day workshop will be in the May
school holidays 2014. Please arrange for your mentee to be present.

© RCBKS 2013


YMP-SNAP 0140

“The role of an REF mentor is three fold.
Help the mentee discover who he (or she)
is. Help the mentee “be the best he can”,
to reach his full potential. Finally, help the
mentee learn to take responsibility for his
future.”

At the heart of the self-discovery process
is the understanding of what values mean
and discovering the values that are most
important to you. Because ultimately you
are defined by the values you believe in,
that’s who you are. Don’t have any illusion
that this is easy work. It’s a life time’s
work. But you have to make a start now.

opportunity for this to naturally occur. He (or she) does this by being a
confidant, a teacher, a role model, a friend, a nurturer of possibilities and most
importantly, by maintaining confidence in the mentee, constantly nurturing the
mentee’s belief in himself.

Richard Grant

© RCBKS 2013


YMP-SNAP 0141

“The role of a mentor is three fold.
Help the mentee discover who he is.
Help the mentee “be the best he
can”, to reach his full potential.


Benazir Bhutto

© RCBKS 2013


YMP-SNAP 0142
Taking Personal Responsibility for Your Future

“The role of a mentor is three
fold. Help the mentee discover
who he (or she) is. Help the
mentee be the best he can, to
reach his full potential. Finally,
help the mentee learn to take


It is a main objective of the REF programmes to help the mentee learn to take
responsibility for his future. This will essentially involve an awakening for him.

What is this “awakening”? It is the discovery that we are more than we think
we are. It is the realization that we have taken on an identity that incorrectly or
inadequately expresses our essential being. It is as though we have been
dreaming and suddenly we awaken from the dream, look around, and become
aware of a totally different reality.

crystallize this awakening. Not by imploring but instead by patiently working
with the mentee, through the magic of question, to help him realize his

Sent: Thursday, January 02, 2014 3:03 PM

YMP-SNAP 0143

Educating children is mostly about
educating parents on their
conduct. In turn, the conduct of
parents is an education to the
children.


Rotarian Grant (R) explains the details of the REF programme to
the whole family of a prospective awardee

Often over time and through bad habits, parents unwittingly erode his/her self-
confidence, adversely affecting his emotional well-being. In a child’s education,
the responsibility of parents is three fold: Provide the child with a good set of
values (environment), create the space and opportunities (exposure) for the
child to discover himself, and forbear eroding his self-confidence.
Like educating children, mentoring too is a lot about training parents/guardian
on their “conduct”. An REF mentor may spend about 2-3 hours in a month with
the student. Whereas parents spend much of the available formative time with
him. They are his real guides and greatest influence. A mentor can teach the
student good values only to have the work undone by parents if they do not
believe in or fully appreciate the purpose of the mentoring programme.

Help parents understand the philosophy of the REF programme and how it is a
good path for their child. Request that they be present at the mentoring
sessions, especially in the beginning. In between mentor visits, have parents
reinforce the messages you are trying to convey. Invite parents to our REF
activities. Parents must not do anything that may sabotage the process. For any
student mentoring programme to succeed, parents must subscribe to the values
being taught, working hand-in-hand as supportive partners to the mentor/s.

“In order for the mentorship of the student to succeed,
parents/guardian must work in partnership with you as mentor.”

© RCBKS 2014


YMP-SNAP 0144
As they make the transition from
childhood to adulthood, adolescents
ponder the roles they will play in the adult
world. Initially, they are apt to experience
some role confusion - mixed ideas and
feelings about the specific ways in which
they will fit into society - and may
experiment with a variety of behaviors and
activities (e.g. tinkering with cars, baby-
sitting for neighbors, affiliating with
certain political or religious groups).

Awardee Kushallini during a break at a
Leadership Camp
Eventually, most adolescents achieve a sense of identity regarding who they
are and where their lives are headed. Erikson* is credited with coining the term
"Identity Crisis”. This turning point in human development seems to be the
reconciliation between “the person one has come to be” and “the person
society expects one to become”. This emerging sense of self will be established
by “forging” past experiences with anticipations of the future.

What is unique about the stage of Identity is that it is a special sort of synthesis
of earlier stages and a special sort of anticipation of later ones. Youth has a
certain unique quality in a person's life; it is a bridge between childhood and
adulthood. Youth is a time of radical change—the great body changes
accompanying puberty, the ability of the mind to search one's own intentions
and the intentions of others, the suddenly sharpened awareness of the roles
society has offered for later life. – An extract from the Wikipedia


© RCBKS 2014


YMP-SNAP 0145
Adolescents "are confronted by the need to
re-establish boundaries for themselves and
to do this in the face of an often potentially
hostile world." This is often challenging since
commitments are being asked for before
particular identity roles have formed. At this
point, one is in a state of 'identity confusion',
but society normally makes allowances for
youth to "find themselves," and this state is
called 'the moratorium'.

Students debriefing at an REF Leadership camp
The problem of adolescence is one of role confusion—a reluctance to commit
which may haunt a person into his mature years. Given the right conditions—
and Erikson* believes these are essentially having enough space and time, a
psychological moratorium, when a person can freely experiment and explore—
what may emerge is a firm sense of identity, an emotional and deep awareness
of who he or she is.

No matter how one has been raised, one’s personal ideologies are now chosen
for oneself. Oftentimes, this leads to conflict with adults over religious and
political orientations. Another area where teenagers are deciding for
themselves is their career choice. If parents or society is too insistent, the
teenager will acquiesce to external wishes, effectively forcing him/her to
“foreclose” on experimentation and, therefore, true self-discovery. According to
Erikson, when an adolescent has balanced both perspectives of “What have I
got?” and “What am I going to do with it?” he or she has established their
identity. – An extract from the Wikipedia
© RCBKS 2014


YMP-SNAP 0146
Meeting Students Where They Are
The 5th
REF Annual Youth Mentoring Workshop

Participants being welcomed by Frances Po at the workshop
organized by RCBKS at HELP University
Helping students from low income
families with their career choices is in
a sense the REF’s raison d'être. The
REF addressed this important subject
for mentors when it held this year’s
Annual Youth Mentoring Workshop
on 12 Jan 2014, with the theme,
“Interconnectivity – Mentees & Their
Career Choices”. After the welcoming
words by RCBKS’s REF Chairperson
Frances Po, the Sunday workshop
focused on talks and panel sharing to
equip mentors with an understanding
on how to help mentees decide on
their career choices themselves.

The key concept here is empowering the student to “decide for himself (or
herself)”. For a career choice is not something someone else can decide for you.
Mentors (and parents/guardians) can assist by providing information, exposure
and guidance but only the student should decide.

The reason for this is “ownership” of the important decision which in the end has
to be executed by the student. The student knows best what he is interested in,
he has to take responsibility for his choice and he has to live the consequences of
his decision. “Meeting the students where they are” is making the effort to listen
to their story, their passions and discovering their latent abilities. Not imposing
on the student what his career ought to be but empowering him to make an
informed decision. The mentor’s (and also the parents’/guardian’s) role is not to
judge the student but to guide and support him along this journey, especially if
he has not chosen anything “morally” or “legally” undesirable.

As in previous years, the workshop was the result of an important collaboration

with HELP University and conducted by Eric Amaladas, head of the University’s
career counseling department – CAREERsense@HELP. Eric spoke on “Application
to Life: How to have a Conversation around Career Choices.”

Besides providing knowledge about career guidance, the workshop also provided
an insight into the mind and thinking of the growing adolescent with HELP
University’s clinical psychologist Alex Lui speaking on “Meeting the Students
Where They Are”. Helena Michael of HELP Matriculation together with panelists
Mike Carr (REF mentor), Ong Hock Thye (former school principal) and Anthony
Pinto (REF mentor & professional trainer) shared their in-depth experiences with
youth and the development of human potential.

About 51 mentors and would-be mentors were present for the whole day
workshop, a record turnout in the 5 years we have conducted it. Besides from
RCBKS’s REF, mentors came from other Rotary club REFs. Present were mentors
from far away RC Seremban, Temerloh, Kulim and Sg Petani as well as nearby
Pantai Valley, Gombak, Bangsar and Shah Alam.

© RCBKS 2014


YMP-SNAP 0147
Judgmental vs Discerning

Mentor Kingsley with Awardee Nuramiza
“Saroja is a very pleasant office
colleague. She never has anything bad
to say about anyone and is always
happy and friendly to everyone. In
fact, many friends regard her as a
‘non-judgmental’ person. However,
when confronted with an issue, Saroja
is the last person to be able to help
seek a resolution because she always
seems to have difficulty making a
decision. Saroja also seems stuck at
her level in terms of promotion in the
office.”

Many of us know someone like Saroja, a good person to go to when you need
someone to listen to your problems. She won’t judge you. So you won’t feel
threatened with opinionated view points. Yet Saroja seems to have difficulty
going far in her career.

You see, while Saroja is not judgmental, she has also not developed her ability to
be discerning. What’s the difference between the two? Discerning is a trait that
is required in making decisions, which we do every day (roughly about 200 times
just in the context of food alone!). We need to be discerning in determining the
quality of things, such as whether something is long or short, sweet or sour etc.
We normally don’t have much difficulty with that. But we also need to discern
when it comes to human traits, such as whether the person is arrogant or
humble, honest or dishonest etc.

The difficulty arises when in discerning one trait, we project and extrapolate, and
make a judgment or conclusion about a person’s entire worthiness, whether he
(or she) is a good person or a bad person. Once we pigeon-hole a person like
that, we will blind ourselves to other (good or bad) qualities and traits he may
have. That’s being judgmental. When we are judgmental, we will fail to identify

and hence develop the full potential of those who are put under our care, such
as our mentee (besides severely curtailing our ability to communicate with
him/her).

And so in mentoring, we take extra care to be a “non-judgmental discerner”. Be
discerning and give feedback on a particular behavior (if appropriate) but not
make a judgment on the overall worthiness of the person. A person may not be
good at one particular task, but may improve or be good in other tasks. When we
recognize this, we will be able to gain the trust and confidence of our mentee.
We will be able to objectively identify the strengths of our mentee and help him
develop his potential to the fullest.

“When we believe a person’s potential is unlimited, we realize how important it is
for us not to be judgmental so that we do not blind ourselves from the limitless
possibilities the person has to be good at something or something else.”
The REF

© RCBKS 2014


YMP-SNAP 0148
The Steward

Live life like an airline steward (flight
attendant) trying to survive an aircraft
crash. You free yourself first before
trying to help others. You are no good
to anybody if you get yourself trapped
trying to save others. Yet as a trained
steward, the aim is to try and save as
many passengers as you reasonably
can.

Life’s like that. You are a steward. Help
yourself first, so that you can
eventually be better able to help
others.

Not all of us are expected to be captains. Yet we are not expected to be only
passengers. But as stewards you are expected to be able to help guide your fellow
human beings in need, by first taking responsibility for yourself.

“Personal stewardship” is the responsibility of the individual to take care of
himself (or herself) and others using his gifts and talents. “Mentor stewardship” is
the development and care of human potential for which one has responsibility
but no ownership.

“Teach your mentee personal stewardship,
while you carry out your stewardship duty as a mentor.”
The REF

© RCBKS 2014


YMP-SNAP 0149
Are We Communicating?
Building Trust and Respect

REF Mentees attending a recent concert
sponsored by Bentley Music

How can we help our mentee if we
cannot even communicate with him (or
her)? Communication in mentoring is
more than just getting a message across
clearly when you have something to say.
It is also more than the mentee telling
you his strengths. Beyond these, the
mentee must be comfortable enough
with you to communicate (and not
always verbally) his concerns, his
vulnerabilities and his weaknesses.

A mentor is a person who guides a less experienced person by building trust and
modeling positive behaviours. An effective mentor understands his (or her) role
is to be dependable, engaged, authentic and tuned into the needs of the
mentee. Therefore, a mentor-mentee relationship is first and foremost about
building trust and respect.

What is Trust? It is the belief the other person has your best interest at heart.
What is Respect? It is a feeling of deep admiration for someone elicited by their
abilities, qualities, or achievements.

In a mentoring relationship, focus on building enough trust and respect will
follow. The mentee must trust you enough to communicate his needs and he
must respect you enough to feel that you are able to help him (with his needs).
"Trust in you" enables communication from mentee to you and "respect for you"
enables the mentee to accept communication from you to him. With respect, he
values your thoughts and input, and he knows he can count on you because you
have proven yourself to him.

You help, not by fulfilling his material needs, but by empowering him through
helping him realize that he has unlimited potential and by taking responsibility,

he can liberate this unlimited potential; i.e. you help him discover himself, take
responsibility and be the best he can be.

"If I trust you, I will share with you my secrets;
but only when I respect you, will I also listen to your advice."

A caution about trust. There is no way to assure a person that you are
trustworthy outside of your actions. Broken trust can take years, even decades
to repair.

*Please refer also to YMP-SNAP 0124 on “Trust in the Mentor” for the Howard Jackson Model on building trust
and respect.

© RCBKS 2014

Sent: Tuesday, February 25, 2014 11:33 AM

YMP-SNAP 0150
Mentoring versus Parenting – The Difference

Freshly cleaned school shoes lined up
neatly to dry at a foster home

There is a story told by a caregiver
Pastor of a foster home. Many years
ago, when he was new to the job, he
had a foster child named Moses. Moses’
mother was unable to care for Moses on
top of two other children she had, and
so she gave him up to the foster home.
Moses was 5 years old when the Pastor
took him in from the single mother. The
Pastor treated Moses as if he was his
own child. He gave him all the food,
shelter and caring that he could. Moses
was loved and soon grew into a happy
and responsible boy.

When Moses was 15 years old, his mother turned up suddenly and decided to
take Moses back with her. The Pastor had no choice but to let Moses go with his
mother as he was not his legal parent. The Pastor felt as if he had lost one of his
very own children. Devastated and unable to work properly for several months,
the Pastor learned a very painful lesson: To maintain his sanity and to continue
to be an effective caregiver, he would in future only care for the children as
much as he should and no more. He could not bear the devastation again of
losing a child in this way. Today the Pastor continues to run the successful foster
home. He is much more informed of his role as a caregiver; detached but yet
providing as much love to the children as he should.

The Pastor realizes now that the children are not his own and that he once had
the unrealistic expectation that he could keep them for as long as one could
keep one’s own children. Instead once Moses left, the Pastor never saw him
again. Such an unrealistic expectation caused suffering both to himself and to
others around him, leading to ineffectiveness in relation to his own
responsibilities and actions as a caregiver.

One difference between mentoring and parenting may be in the area of
expectations. With our children we have certain expectations: to see that they
receive an education; to teach them to behave in certain ways; to introduce
them to sports, music, and other beneficial activities; to teach them the values of
work and responsibility; and so on. But in mentoring, it’s important to keep our
expectations low and simply to be available to help the mentees pursue their
own objectives. Our only expectation should be for their personal growth, but
even then we can’t control how they grow. Mentors can inspire, encourage, raise
questions, and facilitate learning, but they cannot change people. Ultimately, the
mentees’ motivation has to come from within.

It’s hard to wait for them to hurry up and be amazing. But it really won’t work
unless we let them choose their own paths and their own timetables.

© RCBKS 2014


YMP-SNAP 0151
Attitude is Everything

Good is an inherent quality of
things. It is only through our
judgmental eye that bad emerges.
There are no inherently bad
situations or experiences. With the
right attitude, all situations and
experiences are for one’s personal
growth – and are therefore good.
Even failure can be a foundation for
success. So when we fail, we must
not fail to learn the lesson too.

Similarly, when we believe a person's potential is unlimited, we realize how
important it is for us not to be judgmental so that we do not blind ourselves from
the limitless possibilities the person has to be good at something or something
else.

We cannot control what life throws at us but we can control how we respond to
it. We may not have a choice of circumstances but we do have a choice of what
attitude to adopt. Always remember to make the best of our present situation
and experience. Our attitude will determine our growth and our freedom.

“You may not be able to change your fate but you can change your attitude.”

The 5 REF Values
In the REF, we say, no matter what circumstances you’re in, if you have the right
attitude, life will present you with opportunities. Help will be on the way and
success will follow. All you need is the:

1. Honesty to accept and face your reality
2. Responsibility to take action to overcome your challenges
3. Self-belief to ask questions and to realise that you have the ability to
succeed

4. Humility to acknowledge that you don’t know everything and that you
have to learn from others who are able to help
5. Compassion to forgive yourself when you falter and to recognize that
failure merely points the way to success

Find the opportunity to share this with your mentee.

© RCBKS 2014

Sent: Thursday, March 13, 2014 4:03 PM

YMP-SNAP 0152
Preparing the Mentee Mentally for Camp

The Youth Leadership Camp conducted by EQTD Consulting

The upcoming REF Youth
Leadership Camp will be most
beneficial to the mentee if we can
also prepare him (or her) mentally
before the camp. The camp should
not be just viewed as a 3-day
holiday where the student can take
a back seat while proceedings of
the camp are going on. On the
contrary, it is an opportunity for
self-discovery and self-
development. This will only occur if
he takes the camp seriously.

The camp will focus on getting students to function as a coherent team as well as
to encourage and guide them to embark on an action plan of self-development so
that they will achieve their potential. Re-Education and Motivation are two
components that are the foundations of the camp programme.

Here are some goals that the camp will cover. Students attending the camp will:
§ Understand their role in life more clearly
§ Be aware of how to develop the “winning team” attitude
§ Leave feeling empowered with self-awareness
§ Be able to resolve conflicts constructively
§ Understand how to work under pressure without losing team spirit
§ Become energy givers
§ Learn listening skills to be truly effective leaders
§ Leave with the ability to motivate their team members
§ Develop and be aware of the concept of leadership and who can become
leaders
§ Understand the importance of character and selflessness in a leader, and the
techniques to develop these qualities
§ Recognize that mind and body as well as spiritual health are prime sustainers

of leadership potential

Mentors can prepare their students by communicating the following to them:
§ Go to the camp with the attitude that you are there to learn, especially
about leadership
§ Be ready to participate in the activities. See it as an opportunity for self-
discovery and self-improvement
§ Volunteer to take on key roles in the activities when you are asked to
§ Take the opportunity to practice expressing yourself during the activities
§ Work with others and participate actively in the teams. Lead a team if you
get the opportunity
§ Care for your team members

Communicate to your mentee the concept that in the end, how much he gains
from the camp is directly dependent on how much he is prepared to put into it.

Finally help the mentee be aware that he has a special responsibility to those who
will follow him. He holds a special key. If he can make this camp a success for
himself, he will contribute to ensuring that the camp will be run again for others
following him in the years to come. So he must think beyond himself.

Used properly, this camp will help your mentee make a better start to a better
life. Mentors can help their mentees benefit more by preparing them and making
them aware of what the camp stands for ahead of time … Going forth to learn.

© RCBKS 2014


YMP-SNAP 0153
Mentoring Performers
– Learning to Express Effectively

Awardee Tasha (foreground) with her mother and sister
There is little more a mentor can do
to get the “performer” student – one
who is already getting good grades –
to work hard. He (or she) is already
mindful and taking responsibility for
his studies. However, with good
grades the student is a prime
candidate for a scholarship. Here a
mentor can play an important role –
preparing the student for the
scholarship interview.

Many students with excellent grades have faltered at their scholarship
interview. The reason for this is that they were poor at expressing themselves
clearly. Some that could speak were not equipped with “substance” and were
not rounded individuals. Interviewers generally look for a good ability to express
thoughts and exposure beyond the technical and examination subjects. An
excellent student must have the ability to convince the interviewers that he is
the right candidate for the scholarship.

What’s required in learning to express clearly and effectively?
Opportunities to speak, developing the reading habit and having the right
exposure. Encourage your mentee to:
§ Read widely; beyond school books to e.g. newspapers and current affairs
magazines
§ Participate in discussions; especially at opportunities offered in the REF
Leadership Camp, Values Workshop and other seminars/talks, and
volunteer to make presentations whenever there is a chance
§ Participate in school extra-curricular activities and take up positions of
leadership
§ Interact when taking part in Rotary club community service projects

§ Speak up during mentoring sessions
§ Be humble

A “performer” must not neglect or avoid learning the above. (Indeed all
students, not just performers, must learn them.) In this way, he learns to speak
with confidence and substance. We should encourage the student to learn
independent, critical and analytical thinking. Then he should also develop the
ability to express what is in his mind together with the ability to speak clearly.
As his mentor, start encouraging him now, to develop the right habits because
filling the mind with “substance” is an on-going process and not something that
can happen overnight.

© RCBKS 2014


YMP-SNAP 0154
Writing a Journal

gain perspective.



Journaling makes a Thinking Individual

How to do
§ Observe
§ Unfreeze the mind
§ Think and think independently and
critically
Benefits
§ Improves power of observation
because you need to record
§ Unfreezes the mind
§ Forces thinking

§ Focus
§ Analyse
§ Move beyond recording facts to
asking and recording “Why”
§ Sort out and order thoughts before
writing
§ Write your thoughts down clearly

§ Enables “natural” thinking –
liberates the true self
§ Improves focus
§ Develops independent, critical and
analytical thinking
§ Develops ability to express
effectively
§ Improves writing and language skills
§ Understanding how your mind
works
§ Records your feelings
§ Captures (creative) ideas
§ Captures wisdom that you generate
§ Discover self
§ Develops a mature individual

Please share this article with your mentee.

© RCBKS 2014


YMP-SNAP 0155
The REF Youth Leadership Camp
Glory Beach Resort, Port Dickson, 24 - 26 March 2014

REF Awardees from RC Pantai Valley, Temerloh as
well as Bukit Kiara Sunrise at the camp on Day 1
This year 68 unsuspecting students
embarked on the annual journey to the
Leadership Camp. Battle-hardened
members of EQTD Consulting, RCBKS,
mentors, and RC Seremban prepared to
engage. Although the numbers of
awardees was down against previous
years, the arrival of Students from SMK
Vivekananda, besides SMK Sri Permata,
proved to be a good catalyst for a more
participative group.

EQTD Consulting’s Shankar inspiring the attendees

Once again this coming together was
proved to be a successful encounter
due to the charismatic presence of
Shankar Santhiram (EQTD), his staff and
an enlightened special guest in
Shanthini Venugopal. The whole event
was actively supported by Rotarians and
volunteer mentors, Karen Chong,
Mohan G, Gina Chan, Margaret Teoh,
Max Missbichler (from RC Seremban),
Tan Poay Lim and Jenny Quah with day
visits from James Cheong, Frances Po,

Anthony Pinto, Alvin Tan, S Nagalingam, Yee Yoke (David Bailey) Leong and a
number of other guests.

For 2014, EQTD Consulting had undertaken a revamp of the programme with
some new elements and rescheduling of older successful ones. The revamp of
the beach and the support from the Hotel (providing a turtle awareness session

and film evening) as well as their customary proactive support helped to create a
positive learning environment and make our camp something different from the
usual fare dished up to the students. Although, this year there was already a very
positive starting level of enthusiasm, we ended with an even higher level as
witnessed by the challenge of getting everyone back on the buses whilst they
were all exchanging twitter, face book, email and phone contacts.

Roll on the Values Education Workshop on June 2nd and 3rd! ... By Rtn Mike Carr

*The REF would like to express its appreciations to EQTD Consulting which is a major sponsor
of the event.

© RCBKS 2014


YMP-SNAP 0156
Our Unlimited Potential

RCBKS President James Cheong presenting the Rotary Education
Award to student Ramalinggam in January 2014
Many of us equate intelligence with
analytical, mathematical, and verbal
intelligence – IQ. However, several
researchers, have found that
intelligence comes in many varieties:
social intelligence (the ability to get
along with people), emotional
intelligence (an important aspect of
which is to stay motivated in the face
of obstacles), musical intelligence,
kinesthetic intelligence (which is
important for athletes and dancers),
spatial intelligence (important for
architects), etc.

Just as some people are higher in IQ than others, there is variation in terms of
the other types of intelligences as well. As it turns out, there is no correlation
between one type of intelligence and another type, which is to say that a person
with high IQ is not necessarily high in the other types of intelligences.

What this translates into is this: given that there is no limit to the number of
dimensions of intelligence, no one person dominates any other person on all
dimensions of intelligence. In other words, no human being is "superior,"
overall, to any other. Indeed, one could even go so far as to argue that, when all
dimensions of intelligences are considered, everyone is equally gifted in their
own particular way.

But if everyone is equally gifted, why are some people more successful in life
than others? Why do some people (e.g. Tiger Woods in Golf) master a domain
while others flounder at anything they do?

There are two reasons for this. First, most of us never get to realize what our
specific intelligence or "God-given" talent is. This is partly because we pay too

much attention to what others (parents, teachers, and especially peers) say we
should do, and partly because our schools and universities don't focus on helping
us discover our true talents. Second, success depends to a large extent on
chance occurrences and circumstances that put us in the "right place at the right
time" to take advantage of our talents, and most of us are just not lucky enough
to have gotten the right breaks in life … breaks that, had they occurred, would
have allowed our special talents to blossom.

“To know your limits is a state of self delusion.”
Bill Purdin

© RCBKS 2014


YMP-SNAP 0157
Our Unlimited Potential … Part 2
What can we do as mentors?

Awardee Shahmuni (left) at the Leadership Training Camp 2014
But if everyone is equally gifted, why
are some people more successful in
life than others? Why do some people
(e.g. Tiger Woods in Golf) master a
domain while others flounder at
anything they do?

There are two reasons for this. First,
most of us never get to realize what
our specific intelligence or "God-
given" talent is. This is partly because
we pay too much attention to what
others (parents, teachers, mentors
and especially peers) say we should do, and partly because our schools and
universities don't focus on helping us discover our true talents. Second, success
depends to a large extent on chance occurrences and circumstances that put us
in the "right place at the right time" to take advantage of our talents, and most
of us are just not lucky enough to have gotten the right breaks in life … breaks
that, had they occurred, would have allowed our special talents to blossom.

To a mentor who recognizes both these aspects, namely that no one is superior
to anyone else in terms of overall intelligence, and that success depends critically
on chance events; it is possible to be both discerning and non-judgmental at the
same time. Please refer also to YMP-SNAP 0147 on “Judgmental versus
Discerning”.

A mentor who learns to be both discerning and non-judgmental will experience
tremendous freedom in expressing his true, authentic, opinions about the
mentee since he (or she) will not feel weighed down by the worry that he is
being judgmental. Further, such a mentor will exhibit the twin qualities of being
motivated to look for the mentee’s true – but perhaps hidden – talents and of
compassion towards the mentee who hasn't had the luck to make them

successful, being mindful of introducing appropriate “breaks” or opportunities to
the mentee when he (the mentor) does come across them.

And finally, the mentee will find it easier to take negative feedback from such a
mentor since he (or she) will recognize that the feedback is not meant to be
unconstructive or malicious.

© RCBKS 2014

Sent: Thursday, April 24, 2014 3:39 PM

YMP-SNAP 0158
Deriving Meaning from Giving and Receiving
REF Mentoring

Awardee Tasha (centre) at the Leadership Training Camp 2014
As a mentor, the feeling you get from a
successful mentorship cannot be clearly
and completely expressed in words. You
are able to help someone who then
responds positively, capturing and
executing the essence of what you had
hoped for her (or him). Few feelings can
surpass this especially when the mentee
finally says, “thank you” to you for
helping her along for 3-5 years of her
life, and for helping put her on a road to
a better life.

Yet, it is not complete to describe it as just gratitude alone from the person that
you have helped, although gratitude is part of it. It has to do with you being
present and to witness her develop her desire to help herself. It has to do with
her succeeding. It is not that she could not have done so without you, indeed she
probably could have. It has to do with feeling that your effort has made a
difference to her. But most of all, it is an alignment of minds, a clear connection
that’s made and the oneness that’s experienced together with another person.
Dare I say the feeling of “love” developed for each other?

It’s this positive connectedness that sustains and nourishes our spirit as human
beings. It’s called a constructive relationship. It is what gives meaning to our life.
When the mentoring is done wholeheartedly, the mentee feels an impact on her
life; an impact that arises from her feeling despite her difficult circumstances,
there are people who will extend a helping hand when she needs it the most.
You will have helped restore optimism back in her life.

When you experience this, you realize what humans seek to get fulfilled. The
mentee may not follow everything you say but because of your committed

presence, she manages to achieve the goal set out together with her. In fact,
that’s all that’s important; that she has been able to think independently,
critically and analytically, because you have allowed her to do so. You have been
able to help her understand the “why” and now, she has helped herself by taking
responsibility and finding the “how” to succeed.

The receiver has to want the “gift” and must have the desire to do her best to
help herself before receiving help from the giver. Only such receiving will
succeed and will give true meaning to both giver and receiver. Yet, getting this
positive response has as much to do with the giver as the receiver. Frustration
can originate not just from the attitude of the receiver but equally from the
attitude of the giver. In order to succeed, the giving has to be genuine and free
from the need for reward, and even gratitude. That’s the paradox. Instead, it has
to be completely focused on what’s best for the receiver and totally
compassionate.

The degree to which you, as a mentor, are selfless and compassionate will
determine the degree of success and of fulfillment you get from the experience.
Like all experiences in community service, how much you “get out of it” in terms
of fulfillment, is exactly how much you put into it. Now, we begin to feel the
words of Mother Teresa, “if we have no peace, it is because we have forgotten
we belong to each other,” and “if we can’t feed a hundred people, then just feed
one.”

If you cannot help many, then just help one at a time, wholeheartedly. It’s what
we are here for.

© RCBKS 2014


YMP-SNAP 0159
The Mentor Support Group Meeting
Become a better person by sharing and learning real mentoring experiences

REF Mentors meeting at a quarterly mentor support group
meeting sharing experiences and lessons learnt

Very early on, it was recognized that
there is a need for the REF to keep in
touch with mentors and not have them
feel isolated in their work of guiding
their mentees. This is important to keep
mentors motivated and to help them
develop the solutions required to be an
effective mentor. While we can be
experienced adult professionals,
mentoring can very quickly become
overwhelming for mentors if they are
not adequately supported.

This is compounded by the reality that we are mentoring students from the
lower income group who despite our best efforts to select them, may escape the
screening at entry and come with social issues.

For this reason, the REF teamed with HELP University’s Department of
Behavioural Sciences from the beginning to provide professional support to
mentors, if necessary. The REF has also established several other features to help
its mentors. These include, the 3-hour New Mentor Training Seminar, the 1-Day
Annual Youth Mentoring Workshop with HELP University and having mentors
work in teams of two.

One of the most important pillars of the mentor support system is the quarterly
Mentor Support Group Meeting (MSGM). The objectives of the MSGM are:

§ Help members feel less isolated with their challenges
§ Provide help to mentors regarding specific challenges
§ Improve mentors’ mentoring skills by sharing experience and lessons learnt
- Share what works with other mentors
- Warn other mentors of pitfalls and things to avoid

§ Disseminate, explain and follow-up on administrative matters
§ Improve communication between REF and mentors
§ A forum for feedback to the REF
- Examine how mentor interactions with mentee can be improved and
if “scripts” need to be changed
- Examine if additional resources can be included in the mentor
programme to assist mentees
- Discuss effectiveness of milestone events and see how these can be
improved

Last week, RC Pantai Valley kicked-off their own MSGM and invited participants
from REFs of other nearby Rotary clubs to join them. In this way, they encouraged
others to hold regular MSGMs too. About 20 mentors and potential mentors
attended this meeting.

Besides helping students, mentoring is also about our own personal journey to be
a better person by sharing and learning real experiences at sessions such as the
MSGMs as well as being a practitioner with our mentees. It's about discovering
the best version of our self and hopefully, becoming an enlightened person.
“For mentors, attendance at the MSGM is strongly encouraged; not just for
mentors who have difficulties but also for mentors who have solutions to offer.”
REF

© RCBKS 2014


YMP-SNAP 0160
The secret to reaching Generation Y

Michael McQueen is a leading authority on
youth trends, a best-selling author of two
books on bridging the generation gap, and a
member of the Rotary Club of Crows News,
New South Wales, Australia. He recently
spoke to RI (Rotary International) News
about bridging the gap with Generation Y.

RI News: How do you define Generation Y?
McQueen: Numerically, Generation Y is
between the ages of 12 and 30. But
culturally, they are globally minded.
Through online social interactions, many
members of this generation have networks
of friends around the globe who are only a
click away.

RI News: How can Rotarians best reach out to Generation Y?
McQueen: Start small. Rather than approaching young people by asking them to
join, engage them with short-term projects. Build relationships with them so
they get a sense of Rotary’s DNA. When Rotarians are asked about Rotary by
younger people, often they answer with how Rotary works — the rules,
traditions, and rituals. Rotarians need to explain the “why” of Rotary. Generation
Y is outcome focused. Have a clear answer on why the outcome of projects is
important.

RI News: What kind of benefits can Generation Y bring to Rotary?
McQueen: The next generation represents an enormously exciting opportunity
for Rotary. There are three reasons why. One, having grown up with the Internet
and being so interconnected, young people are acutely aware of global issues
and concerns. They believe that such a small world really can be changed. Two,
they are socially engaged. Recent studies have shown that 70 percent of
Generation Y actively volunteers on a weekly basis. Not only does this group feel

it can make a difference, it genuinely wants to. Three, they are ambitious. Young
people today are desperate to get ahead in their careers and are looking for
mentors and networking opportunities.

RI News: Generation Y seems to be very busy, perhaps busier than previous
generations. How can Rotary overcome this challenge?
McQueen: Yes, the demands on their time, energy, and attention are enormous.
But when young people say they don’t have time for Rotary, they are stating a
priority rather than a fact. Young people simply perceive Rotary as a lot of
restrictive rules and time-consuming work. Rotary’s challenge is to communicate
to young people the compelling reasons and benefits of joining Rotary.

RI News: How should Rotary be using technology to its advantage to attract
young people?
McQueen: Use more multimedia. For instance, nobody under the age of 35
really knows what polio is. Their parents do, and they can be told how crippling
this deadly disease is. But that only means young people will be intellectually
pulled in, not emotionally. Use video to educate them about polio. Also, more
clubs should have websites that engage young people.

© RCBKS 2014


YMP-SNAP 0161
Empower him, so the answer to what he wants to
be emerges from him
The Philosophy of REF Mentoring

Mentee Joshua Chong at the Study Skills
Workshop 2014
There is very little information a growing
Gen Y (or Z) adolescent cannot find out
growing up in the current technological
age. So his (or her) learning and therefore
his growth is accelerated compared with
previous generations. Yet because of his
self-centered and impatient character (a
generalization), his opportunity to develop
strong human relationships may be
somewhat curtailed. As mentors, we can
support him here – with the 5 REF
values*. He is like an adult yet at times, he
has child-like needs. He is growing, he is
discovering and so he will be sensitive too.

Avoid being condescending to him. Be aware of his needs but don’t treat him like
a child. When in doubt, treat him more like an adult instead. He will appreciate
and respond positively to this.

In terms of control, “less is more”. Instead, teach him values and the value of
what he is doing – the "why". When he knows the why, he will figure out the
how by himself. Teach not by telling but by showing – by exposing him, by being
a role model yourself. He seeks authenticity. Not just, "do as I say" but "do as I
do".

We can only give him a glimpse of his potential. Once we can achieve that, the
passion to develop that potential will emerge from him. Our job is to "empower"
him so that he can make the decision on his future by himself. This will foster
ownership. The key here is to equip him well to do so.

To be able to empower him, he has to first develop trust and respect for us. This
we can achieve by showing and living the 5 REF values. Once trust and respect
are developed, we will have two-way communication. We can then help him
through the process of self-discovery by exploring with "why" questions and
then by patiently listening non-judgmentally to his responses. When we are not
judgmental, he will reveal more of himself and we will be more effective at
helping him discover himself.

We support him by helping him identify options and explaining the
consequences of each. We may sometimes bring resources to bear, if
appropriate. But we must let the mentee decide which option to take. Major life
decisions are for the mentee to make. Why? Because by having it "invented
here" by the student himself, we get his buy-in (commitment) to the decision
and then his passion to carry it out successfully.

In this mentoring journey, there will have to be compromises by the mentor in
order to be able to help the mentee get to a better place. The “better place” is –
succeeding in helping the student discover himself, develop his potential and
take responsibility for his life. The "compromise" is that we may have to develop
our own self-confidence in order to let go of some control, to allow him the
freedom to grow and to choose (decide); by empowering (and equipping) him
with confidence to make informed quality decisions on his own future.

“Come to the edge,” he said.
They said, “We are afraid.”
“Come to the edge,” he said.
They came. He pushed them … and they flew.
Guillaume Appollinaire

*The REF promotes the 5 values of Self-Belief, Honesty, Responsibility, Humility and Compassion in its Values
Education programme and Mentoring programme. Please see YMP SNAP-0065 or a reprint in a forthcoming issue.

© RCBKS 2014


YMP-SNAP 0162
On Children
from “The Prophet” by Khalil Gibran

Marianna, Kahlil's Sister. Painting by Kahlil Gibran

Today, we get to enjoy a piece from the
great Lebanese American artist, poet and
writer.

Your children are not your children.
They are the sons and daughters of Life's
longing for itself.
They come through you but not from you,
And though they are with you yet they
belong not to you.

You may give them your love but not your thoughts,
For they have their own thoughts.
You may house their bodies but not their souls,
For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow,
which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams.
You may strive to be like them,
but seek not to make them like you.
For life goes not backward nor tarries with yesterday.

You are the bows from which your children
as living arrows are sent forth.
The archer sees the mark upon the path of the infinite,
and He bends you with His might
that His arrows may go swift and far.
Let your bending in the archer's hand be for gladness;
For even as He loves the arrow that flies,
so He loves also the bow that is stable.
© RCBKS 2014


YMP-SNAP 0163
Influence through Trust and Respect
Helping to crystallise a student’s realisation

Students from SMK Vivekananda, KL getting ready to go for
the REF Values Workshop 2014
Everyone is born with (the same)
potential. Yet some get early in life
the realisation that they must
develop this potential in order to be
happy and successful, while others
never get this or get it much later.
We can tell youngsters that they
have “god-given” potential but these
are just words. How do we get them
to believe this?

Once the students get a glimpse of
their potential, they have to then
take charge and develop that
potential into success. We call this
“taking responsibility for your future”
or the “desire to help yourself”.

A glimpse of your potential is not yet reaching your potential. You have to still
develop it thereafter by taking responsibility. We help the students get a glimpse
by for e.g., putting them through a leadership training camp and a values
education workshop, and then working with them to develop it through
mentoring. We give them exposure focused on the question of “how we can help
them get a glimpse”.

We open their eyes to their potential (and help them develop it) through the 5
REF values. Through Honesty they can accept and face their reality, through
taking Responsibility take action to overcome challenges, through Self-Belief
they can ask questions and realise they have the ability to succeed, through
Humility they can acknowledge that they don’t know everything and they need
to learn from others who can help, and through Compassion they can forgive
themselves when they falter and recognise that failure merely points the way to

success.

Credible Mentors
If a student can catch a glimpse of his (or her) potential, he will then have the
passion to develop it successfully. It is up to us to develop our influence on the
student so that he opens himself to this attempt by us to help him. We develop
this “influence” by being credible mentors, by working on developing mutual
trust and respect with the mentee in our mentoring relationship building. This
influence is achieved not by just words (telling), but must be developed by role
modeling, e.g. by drawing his attention to suitable role models or better still …
by us as mentors, being an example of the values we are trying to communicate.

“Our children are often a reminder of the pure potential
of the human spirit … if only we allow ourselves to see that.”
REF

© RCBKS 2014

Sent: Thursday, June 12, 2014 2:45 PM

YMP-SNAP 0164
Equipping youths with a life compass
REF Values Education Workshop, 2-3 June 2014

The 3 RC Temerloh REF Awardees at the Values Workshop 2014
It began on a Monday morning when
about 60 students from SMK Sri
Permata, SMK Vivekananda and REA
awardees (14) from various Rotary
clubs (RC Pantai Valley, Temerloh and
Bukit Kiara Sunrise) and schools
turned up at collection points (Sri
Permata and Vivekananda) promptly
to board buses for the Glory Beach
Resort, Port Dickson. Their energy
levels remained high after the 3-day
leadership camp in March at the
same place in anticipation of another
exciting programme.

The values education programme was more talks and less outdoor physical
activities, as there was a lot of serious “wisdom” to absorb in the 1½-day
workshop. The students were given a series of talks beginning with an
introduction on what values are and how they can unlock one’s vast personal
potential. Values also form the foundation of one’s identity, purpose and
happiness.

Rotarians were involved actively in the values workshop giving talks on Self-
Belief (Mike Carr), Honesty (Tan Poay Lim), Compassion (Steve Robinson),
Responsibility (Anthony Pinto) and Humility (YL Yee). Besides giving a thorough
introduction to the programme, EQTD Consulting was at hand to introduce the
speakers and to bring context to the various talks. The presentations with a good
mix of styles, kept the students constructively engaged throughout the
workshop.

A stay-in workshop like this allowed students and trainers to form strong bonds,
having meals together and informal discussions late into the night. The first
night’s programme finished at about 10pm, with the final session being a panel
sharing session where students can ask any questions of experienced panelist
consisting of Rotarians, EQTD Consulting staff, the hotel general manager, Mr
Isaac Raj and university scholarship student Ms Grace Chong. The students were
warned that the workshop was not a holiday but an important opportunity
packed with knowledge that will last a life time.

A good values programme such as the one run by the REF is meant to provide
the youngsters with a strong foundation for a better start and a better life.
Indeed “values” is the compass with which one wades through life looking for
the ultimate destination of success and happiness, and the REF Values Education
Workshop aimed to equip the youngsters with a high quality life compass.

© RCBKS 2014


YMP-SNAP 0165
Is there a generation gap?
Meeting the mentee where he is

The legendary comedian George Carlin, 1937-2008

Mentoring is a lot about
communicating with and meeting
the mentee where he (or she) is.
One of the big challenges for the
mentor in guiding a youngster is
“bridging” the age difference and
overcoming the obstacles posed by
the “generation gap”. Here’s what
comedian George Carlin had to say
on the subject of “Staying Young”.
His words may hold some much
welcome wisdom for some of us in
this area …

HOW TO STAY YOUNG

1. Throw out nonessential numbers. This includes age, weight and height. Let the
doctors worry about them. That is why you pay 'them'.

2. Keep only cheerful friends. The grouches pull you down.

3. Keep learning. Learn more about the computer, crafts, gardening, whatever.
Never let the brain idle. 'An idle mind is the devil's workshop.' And the devil's
name is Alzheimer's.

4. Enjoy the simple things.

5. Laugh often, long and loud. Laugh until you gasp for breath.

6. The tears happen. Endure, grieve, and move on. The only person, who is with
us our entire life, is ourselves. Be ALIVE while you are alive.

7. Surround yourself with what you love, whether it's family, pets, keepsakes,
music, plants, hobbies, whatever. Your home is your refuge.

8. Cherish your health: If it is good, preserve it. If it is unstable, improve it. If it is
beyond what you can improve, get help.

9. Don't take guilt trips. Take a trip to the mall, even to the next county; to a
foreign country but NOT to where the guilt is.

10. Tell the people you love that you love them, at every opportunity.

AND ALWAYS REMEMBER:
Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that
take our breath away.

And if you don't send this to at least 8 people - who cares? But do share this with
someone. We all need to live life to the fullest each day!!

© RCBKS 2014

Sent: Wednesday, June 25, 2014 12:10 P

YMP-SNAP 0166
Too many forms to fill? Think again
Customising the REF mentoring process to the needs of the mentee

In an effort to provide structure to the
mentoring process, the REF has provided
several tools to be used with the mentee
throughout the mentorship. These tools
often appear as forms or templates that
are to be filled to guide both the mentor
and mentee through the mentoring
process. However, not all templates need
be used. Different mentees may have
different circumstances and needs with
regards to their education at the point in
time when the mentor enters his (or her)
life.

required.

the REF advises that the mentee undergoes the HELP University’s Career Test
the mentee by using some or all of the tools provided. It is up to the individual


structure), the mentor has to be very honest with his (or her) assessment of the
mentee’s circumstances and needs, and not himself display a lack of discipline by
reducing the number of tools arbitrarily, when that’s not what’s best for the
mentee. Remember, the mentee’s needs and his proper development are the
prime considerations here.

Your objective is to be an effective mentor based on the effort you can afford,
the needs of the student and your desire to achieve a positive outcome. The
templates are meant to help you, not to constrain you. Certainly the objective
isn’t to fill forms. Use only the ones that you think are helpful. Very few are
actually mandatory. As a mentor, when in doubt about how detailed or
structured you should be, always apply the illuminating mentoring litmus test,
i.e. ask yourself the question, “when I look back at the end of the mentorship, has
my presence in the life of the student made a positive impact, no impact or a
negative impact on his development?” If the answer is the first, then you have
passed the mentoring litmus test. If it is the 2nd
or 3rd
, then you need to
immediately reassess the process you are using. Apply this litmus test regularly
in your mentoring.

Remember, if you are unsure, you can always refer to available REF resources at
the Rotary Club of Bukit Kiara Sunrise who will be glad to call on additional

© RCBKS 2014


YMP-SNAP 0167
Service Above Self

As the wheel of Rotary turns and a new
Rotary Year begins on the 1st
of July, let
us take a moment to honour the
organization.

It is said that the satisfaction a Giver
experiences from a successful giving
cannot be clearly expressed in words.
He is able to help someone who in turn
responds positively. Few feelings can
surpass this, especially when the
Receiver finally says, “thank you” for
helping her on the road to a better life.

Yet, as a Giver, it is not accurate to describe this feeling simply as experiencing
gratitude from the Receiver. It has to do with being able to see the Receiver succeed
by developing her desire to help herself. It has to do with feeling that his effort has
made a difference to her. But most of all, it is a strong connection that’s made with
another person. Dare I say the feeling of “love” for each other?

It is this connectedness that sustains and nourishes our spirit as human beings. It’s
called a meaningful relationship. It is what gives meaning to our life.

Getting this positive response has as much to do with the attitude of the Giver as it has
to do with the Receiver. The Giver has to be genuine and free from the need for
reward or even gratitude. Only then will he experience true fulfillment. That’s the
paradox … the giving has to be selfless.

Now, we appreciate the words of Mother Teresa who once said,

“If we have no peace, it is because we have forgotten we belong to each other.”

And so we learn that in giving, give genuinely and wholeheartedly because we all
belong to one another.

“Only in the wellbeing of all, will we find our own complete wellbeing.”

Our founder, Paul Harris gave life to these principles soon after he founded this great
organization more than 110 years ago. Today, we honour Rotary for providing us the
opportunity for meaningful service … and pledge to live up to the motto,

“Service Above Self.”

© RCBKS 2014


YMP-SNAP 0168
On Value and Success

An iconic snapshot of Einstein with screen legend Charlie Chaplin

Albert Einstein once said, “Try not
to become a man of success, but a
man of value.”

Being successful isn't always the
hardest thing in the world. It is
equal parts luck and hard work.
But adding value to something is a
lot harder, which is why Einstein's
quote is a good reminder if you
find yourself blinded by the hunt
for success.

There's nothing wrong with success, but often it is easy to lose sight of who you
are when you're successful. If you keep your eyes on your own values, you'll end
up both successful and a good person, which is a pretty good combination.

The focus should be on delivering value through developing and nurturing noble
values. This will eventually bring “success”. Whereas focusing on success as a
primary goal may bring the wrong set of results. Success is not a goal but a
result, not an input but an output.

What Einstein was trying to say here is that success is more self-centered, as in
“personal success” and “I don’t care what others think”. For some, success is
taken to mean money and power. Whereas value here is more people-centered,
more selfless and compassionate, as in “what value am I to others?” or “What
am I able to do to help others achieve their dreams?”

When we think of the value we provide to others, we must think of fairness and
equity as in receiving something by giving something of value to the others.

John D. Rockefeller, the 3rd richest man in history adjusted for inflation, never
just mindlessly earned for the sake of having the most. It was always about giving

back, to his children, to his church and to the community as a whole – creating
value for others. It is that attitude that led to his success. He never questioned
that what he was doing was right, because he was motivated by noble values.
That he got wealthy in the process was a by-product and secondary to him.

Einstein further said,

“Look around at how people want to get more out of life than they put in. A man
of value will give more than he receives. Be creative, but make sure that what
you create is not a curse for mankind.”

© RCBKS 2014


YMP-SNAP 0169
Life is beautiful … take note of it

The beautiful turquoise waters of Lake Yamdrok in Tibet.
Have you ever experienced looking
at a photograph, taken by a
professional of a place that you have
been to, say in Tibet, and saying to
yourself how beautiful it is; yet
when you were there it didn't
appear quite as beautiful as what
the photographer had managed to
capture? Clearly, that's not because
you never saw the scene. It's
because you didn't allow yourself to
be present enough at that moment
to take that scene in, that way.

In the hustle and bustle of a tour, we tend to busily shove ourself from one place
to the next, often not "stopping" to notice the beauty that is before our eyes.
Sometimes it could also be because we were too exhausted with the travel.
And so it is too with so many other aspects of our life. We tend to just walk
through them as if our life were an exhausting tour, feeling jaded and just trying
to finish it as soon as we can, failing to stop and "live in the moment", to
appreciate the beauty and to feel lucky to be present there at that instant. Don’t
take things for granted but instead observe and count our blessings, feel
grateful. If we are able to do that, we get access into a well source of immense
happiness.

Yes, happiness can be found as "easily" as that. Just by remembering to be
present and be grateful, we will then come "alive". It is said that, "Happiness is
an attitude that can be cultivated with gratitude", i.e. cultivated by counting our
blessings.

Living in the moment isn't about living as dangerously as we can so that we can
get that "adrenaline fix" and ending up getting in deep trouble if things don't go

our way. Instead it's simply about stopping and savouring each instant as it is,
with no tempering. Be aware and feel the deep peace that each perfect moment
has to offer, every moment. That, in fact, is what's really meant by "living in the
moment".

Similarly in mentoring, be present when you are with your mentee. Mentoring is
a beautiful experience. Feel grateful and take the opportunity to support
changing a life for the better. Don't be jaded but constantly be creative,
searching for better ideas to help him (or her). Share with your mentee too what
"living in the moment" really means so that he too can develop a higher level of
awareness. With that attitude, you will find true happiness and it will translate
positively into making a real difference to the life of your mentee.

© RCBKS 2014

REF WORKING COMMITTEE (RWC) 2014-2015
CHAIRMAN TAN POAY LIM
DEP CHAIRMAN STEVE ROBINSON
SECRETARY MOHAN G
TREASURER EDMUND DADSON
YOUTH MENTORSHIP [YMP] KINGSLEY WEBER
ROTARY EDUCATION AWARD [REA] SUNNY KHOO
CANDIDATE SELECTION [CS] ONG HOCK THYE
LEADERSHIP TRAINING /VALUES EDUCATION [LTP/VEP] ANTHONY PINTO
SPONSOR-A-STUDENT [SASP] WAN MUN YEE
REF EXTENSION & SUPPORT [RES] GRAHAM BENNETT
PUBLICITY & DOCUMENTATION [P&D] YEE YOKE LEONG

Please do not hesitate to contact anyone of us for REF related support.

This week enclosed below, your regular Mentoring Snapshot is a write up on our activities last
Rotary Year by outgoing REF Chairperson Frances Po.

We take this opportunity to wish you Season’s Greetings and to our Muslim friends,
Selamat Hari Raya Aidilfitri.

Best Regards,
The REF Working Committee
RC Bukit Kiara Sunrise

YMP-SNAP 0170
Rotary Club of Bukit Kiara Sunrise Education Fund
What Have We Done Over The Past One Year?
By Past President Frances Po, RCBKS REF Chairperson 2013-14

Introduction
The idea for the Rotary Education Fund
(REF) started in 2009, during my year as
President of RCBKS. I was particularly
keen on the theme of youth
development and education as I am of
the view that education is an excellent
empowering tool in this modern day
and age. And what better way to start
than with the youths, who need a
helping hand and encouragement with

their academic development.

Mentees Dhevisha (L) and Kushallini at the
Study Skills Workshop 2014
The REF programme came to life thanks to the dedication and efforts of
numerous Rotarians who have been passionate about the REF. We also set
ourselves the challenge of making sure that this programme was sustainable and
capable of being replicated. Over the past 5 years, the REF programme has
grown from strength to strength, taking on an identity of its own as a signature
project of RCBKS, and other Rotary Clubs have also adopted this programme. It
has gone on to win numerous awards at both District 3300 level and Rotary
International over the years. REF has passed all tests with a double tick!

For the Rotary Year 2013-14, I am happy to report that we have a great report.
We have achieved much, as evidenced by the score card below:

Mentees and Mentors
§ New student selection was carried out in October 2013 which culminated
in 23 CVs secured from 5 schools. We shortlisted 10 students for interviews
and finally selected and offered 5 new awardees for the school year 2014.
§ Bentley Music sponsored an evening of food and entertainment for the REF
awardees in December 2013. The awardees enjoyed a new experience and
networked among themselves, with Rotarians and other guests.
§ 3 Mentor Support Group meetings were held and we had good attendance
for each session. Open sharing and technical knowledge were imparted.
§ HELP University’s Faculty of Behavioural Science helped to conduct the 5th

Annual Youth Mentoring Workshop in January 2014. The theme of the
workshop was “Interconnectivity: Mentees and their Career Choices”.
§ A workshop for new mentors was held to better equip new volunteers for
the task ahead.
§ The Leadership Camp (5th
) was held at Glory Beach Resort, Port Dickson
(PD) from 23-25 March 2014. The total numbers this year was a record of
69 participants (including mentees from RC Pantai Valley, RC Seremban and
RC Temerloh). Shankar Santhiram and his team from EQTD Consulting ran
and co-sponsored the 3-day programme.
§ Rotarian Anthony Pinto organised the full day Study Skills Workshop on a
pro bono basis for awardees to enable them to achieve their potential. The

workshop aptly titled “Getting to My Version 10.0 – Becoming the Best of
Me”.
§ The Values Education Workshop (5th
) was held at the same PD venue on 2-3
June 2014. The full event was organised and sponsored by EQTD
Consulting with trainers from RCBKS.

REFs at other Rotary Clubs
§ Various RCBKS Rotarians volunteered at speaking assignments at other
Rotary Clubs to promote REF. There are now REFs in 6 other Rotary Clubs
(RCs), viz. RCs of Seremban, Temerloh, Pantai Valley, Kulim, Bangsar and
Gombak. Altogether 40 students (17 RCBKS, 23 Non-RCBKS) are currently
benefitting from the REF programme.
§ REF workshops were organised at various strategic locations by REFs of
other Rotary Clubs in the Northern region (RC Kulim); Eastern region (RC
Temerloh); Southern region (RC Seremban) in addition to a number of talks
at Rotary Clubs by RCBKS in the Central Region.

The Statistics – REF accomplishments since 2009
§ The first year we started in November 2009 – we had 4 awardees.
§ By 30 June 2014 – accumulated total of 51 students have joined the REF
programme under RCBKS.
§ Almost all the REF awardees have been sponsored under the Sponsor-A-
Student programme (SASP); thanks to generous donors. Many of these
donors repeat their contribution in the SASP as they witness the good work
of the REF and improvement in the performance of the awardees.
§ The Leadership Training Camp and Values Education Workshop were fully
sponsored by corporations for most of the years since inception.
§ Currently there are more than 40 mentors who have volunteered their time
and services to mentor the awardees.

The Next Steps
We cannot rest on our laurels. There is urgency to march on and continue the
good work of the REF in the years to come. What we are doing is a noble task
which will help to make a difference to one individual at a time. And it is clear
that there will be multiplier impact on the mentee’s immediate circle – his/her
family, local community.

Acknowledgements
I wish to place on record the generous contribution of time and money by well-
wishers, friends and mentors of the REF. I also acknowledge the valuable
contribution and support from the REF Working Committee members who

worked hard at their various tasks. Without them, we would not have achieved
so much to benefit the student awardees.

“A better start. A better life.”

© RCBKS 2014

Sent: Thursday, July 31, 2014 11:41 AM

YMP-SNAP 0171
Stop telling and start asking
Encouraging explorative and critical thinking

One of Rotary Club of Temerloh’s four new
REF Awardees, Cheong Weng Hui with her father
Helping youngsters explore the
consequences of their choices is
much different from imposing
consequences on them. Exploring
invites the participation of
youngsters to think for themselves
and figure things out for
themselves, and to decide what is
important to them and to decide
what they want. The end result is
focusing on solutions to the
problem instead of consequences.

Imposing consequences often invites rebellion and defensive thinking instead of
explorative and critical thinking. The key to helping youngsters explore is to stop
telling and to start asking “curiosity” questions, a technique sometimes referred
to as the Socratic Method.

Too often adults tell children what happened, what caused it to happen, how the
child should feel about it, what the child should learn from it, and what the child
should do about it. It is much more respectful and encouraging when we ask
what happened, what the child thinks caused it, how the child feels about it,
what the child has learned, what ideas the child has to solve the problem, or how
the child can use what she has learned in the future. This is the true meaning of
education, which comes from the Latin word educo, meaning to draw forth. Too
often adults try to stuff in instead of draw forth, and then wonder why children
don’t learn.

Close-ended questions can be answered typically in one word (e.g. "yes" or "no")
or a very short phrase. Curiosity questions on the other hand are open-ended,
which means they require a response with more depth and length. Open-ended
questions are also helpful in finding out more about a person or a situation,

whether it's during an interview, at a party, or when getting to know a new
friend. Typical curiosity questions are:
 
§ What were you trying to accomplish?
§ How do you feel about what happened?
§ What did you learn from this?
§ How can you use what you learned in the future?
§ What ideas do you have for solutions now?

These are typical curiosity questions because it is important not to have a script.
The point is to get into the youngster’s world. Notice that "Why?" is not one of
the suggested questions. The reason is that "Why?" usually sounds accusatory
and invites defensiveness. The challenge for a mentor is to help the youngster
understand “Why?” without being accusatory and causing defensiveness.
"Why?" works when youngsters feel that you are truly interested in their point of
view. And so authenticity together with developing trust and respect are
important here. The following guidelines will help when using curiosity
questions:

1. Don’t have an agenda. You aren’t getting into the youngster’s world if you
have an agenda about how the youngster should answer these questions.
That is why they are called curiosity questions.
2. Don’t ask questions if either of you are upset. Wait until you are both
feeling calm.
3. Ask curiosity questions from your heart. Use your wisdom to show you how
to get into the youngster’s world and show empathy and acceptance.

When the solutions come from the youngster, or are brainstormed together and
the youngster chooses what will be most helpful, she learns that she can make a
valuable contribution when using respectful decision-making skills. The
youngster learns that mistakes aren’t horrible if you don’t beat yourself up about
them and if you look at mistakes as ways to learn.

© RCBKS 2014

Sent: Friday, August 08, 2014 12:05 PM

YMP-SNAP 0172
Help now – the time is right

When is the right time and when is
the wrong time to deliver help to
someone in need? To be sure, with
REF mentoring, the right time is
always now.

Seize the day before it slips away. Do
it now and realize that few things are
as important and as meaningful as
helping a promising young life find
her (or him) way. And you know
what? You have the key to this one.

RC Pantai Valley’s REF Awardee Rathika at the
Values Education Workshop 2014

Give that birthday present when you have the chance to, visit her often when she
is still around and mentor her when you can still make a difference. Most other
things can wait.

Challenge yourself always, “Am I doing the best within my constraints?” Walk with
her now. You are ready and you must do what you should with urgency and
purpose. Reveal to her the secrets as you know them. You have chosen and in turn,
you are gifted with the opportunity. It is too easy to find yourself delaying your
help and discovering later that when you are “ready”, your student is not where
she should be because you were not there when it counted most. Yes you have to
be patient but don’t procrastinate. Mentoring bears a similarity to parenting; be
there (and do all you should) now when the mentee will respond, for later she may
not, even if she needs you still.

“It is indeed misery when I stretch an empty hand to men and receive nothing; but it
is hopelessness if I stretch a full hand and find none to receive.”
Kahlil Gibran

© RCBKS 2014

Sent: Thursday, August 14, 2014 11:37 AM

YMP-SNAP 0173
Love is having courage to share

Today, we share a piece of poetry.

How often we just critique,
Missing here and there a spot.
While our life is unique,
Our nature is not.

Are we really so special?
What’s in a name?
Differences so superficial,
Yet deep inside the same.

Love is caring,
That grows with sharing.
And when sharing is lacking,
Well, then love just goes missing.

Wherever you are,
Be there and don’t scare.
For if you really do care,
You must dare to share.

© RCBKS 2014

Sent: Thursday, August 21, 2014 12:30 PM

YMP-SNAP 0174
What's our purpose?
Equipping mentees to make informed decisions

Maybe it is to be the best we can, live
as long as we can and help as many
people as we can who desire our
help. Younger, less educated, less
experienced and less fortunate
people need our help. It is by being
the best we can that we can be
around longest and be most helpful
to the most number of people who
desire our help. Knowledge, skills,
and experience are in general,
gathered with time. Looked at this
way, then seeing our purpose as a
"Responsibility" becomes important.

Yet this responsibility cannot be effectively discharged without “Humility”.
Nobody, especially intelligent youngsters today, likes to listen to somebody talk
about how great they are. So, don’t start a mentoring engagement with the
student by talking about ourselves and our achievements. Mentoring isn’t about
us, it’s about the mentee. Even in communicating our experience, we have to do
so carefully, with humility. Start first by developing trust and respect. They will
then open channels of communication with the young mentee. Then
communicate by walking the talk, by modeling the values.

“The best teachers are those who show you where to look,
but don’t tell you what to see.”
Alexandra K. Trenfor

What then is our purpose or role as mentors? It is to equip our mentee to make
an informed high quality decision, and then let her (or him) decide what future
she wants. That’s the value we provide. We hope by focusing on that we will be
successful. Once our work of equipping the mentee is done, we have to learn to

accept her for who she is and then to let go, allowing her to make her decision.

"Your role as mentor is to help the mentee so that she is confident making
decisions herself regarding her future."

A final note of caution. We are working with tender impressionable minds when
we mentor youngsters. Equip yourself well and handle them with utmost care.
Do take your role seriously. The REF supports mentors with resources and by
running regular training programmes on mentoring. Do make use of them and
continuously improve yourself in this subject.

© RCBKS 2014


YMP-SNAP 0175
Frog in a Milk-Pail

A frog was hopping around a
farmyard, when it decided to
investigate the barn. Being somewhat
careless, and maybe a little too
curious, he ended up falling into a
pail half-filled with fresh milk.

As he swam about attempting to
reach the top of the pail, he found
that the sides of the pail were too
high and steep to reach.
He tried to stretch his back legs to push off the bottom of the pail but found it too
deep.

But this frog was determined not to give up, and he continued to struggle.
He kicked and squirmed and kicked and squirmed, until at last, all his churning
about in the milk had turned the milk into a big hunk of butter.
The butter was now solid enough for him to climb onto and get out of the pail!

"Never Give Up!"

You cannot and must not give up on yourself and your goals. Believe in yourself
and believe that you can and will succeed. Keep trying – keep doing different
things to achieve your goals. Most people never achieve their goals because they
often quit just when they are on the verge of reaching their dream. Remember
the saying “success lies just beyond failure”. Let’s face it, if you give up on
something – it’s over, and nothing changes for you. Those who quit always fail.
Those who succeed never give up.

Try so hard before you rest,
Keep on working, do your best.
Don’t give until you’re done,


YMP-SNAP 0176
Teaching Failure and Not Just Success

“Failure is the foundation of success, and
the means by which it is achieved.”
Lao Tzu, Philosopher

The idea is not only to teach the student
how to succeed but perhaps more
importantly to equip him/her for failure and
how to overcome it – to “teach failure”. No
matter how good we are as teachers, we
cannot guarantee the student will not fail. It
is best to assume that he will occasionally
and wise to equip him to respond positively
to failure.

REF Awardee Nuramiza Azzyema taking part at the 2-day REF
Values Education Workshop 2014

There are many important lessons that can only be learnt through failure, some
of which are the most important in life. Here are 8 Important Lessons of Failure:

1. Change your perception of and your response to failure – "Failure is the
foundation of success, and the means by which it is achieved".
2. In order to succeed, you must first be willing to fail – “Failure points the
way to success”.
3. Take action to reduce your fear and doubt – “It is not failure itself that
holds you back; it is the fear of failure that paralyzes you”.
4. Change your response to failure by accepting responsibility – "Your
failures won't hurt you until you start blaming them on others".
5. Stick with your passion – "Enthusiasm is one of the most powerful engines
of success".
6. Find the benefit in every bad experience – "Failure is success if we learn
from it”.
7. Work hard on the weaknesses that weaken you – "When defeat comes,
accept it as a signal that your plans are not sound, rebuild those plans, and
set sail once more toward your coveted goal".
8. Never give up. But get up, get over it and get going – "Failure is not the

falling down, but the staying down”.

And so it is important to teach the student that failure is part of life and that we
must have faith in our self to pick our self up in the aftermath of failure. Indeed
failure (and mistakes) is one of our most valuable teachers. With the right
attitude, failures point the direction to success.

"Only those who dare to fail greatly can ever achieve greatly."
Robert F. Kennedy

© RCBKS 2014


YMP-SNAP 0177
Instilling the Spirit of Volunteerism

Mentee Joshua Chong with Rotarian James Cheong at
the Raja Musa Forest Reserve Tree Planting project 2013

One of the objectives of the REF is to
help create awareness among our
Awardees (mentees) that we live in
an interdependent world and that
we should be helping others too.
Thinking beyond self. Additionally,
an interdependent world does not
only mean helping other fellow
human beings in need but also
ensuring that our environment is
clean and sustainable for future
generations to come and in doing so,
making our world a better one in
which to live.

To this end and to instill the spirit of volunteerism, whenever the opportunity
arises, we encourage our Awardees to come for some of the community service
projects we organize as a Rotary club, to give them this exposure and
appreciation. It is not compulsory, but it is an important part of our education
assistance to them.


“How can we expect our children to know and experience the joy of
giving unless we teach them that the greater pleasure in life lies
in the art of giving rather than receiving?”
James Cash Penney

© RCBKS 2014


YMP-SNAP 0178
Giving meaning to the REF Values
The Stick Man Exercise

On the final day of the most recent
Values Education Workshop that we
conducted for students and REF
awardees, we did a stick man
exercise. We asked students what
part of the human body best
represent each of the 5 REF Values
that they learnt over the one and a
half days of the workshop. We also
asked them why that part of the
body was chosen. The picture on the
right is what some of the students
came up with.

The annual REF Values Education Workshop for students focuses on 5 Key
Values. In our sessions with the students, we share what each of the values
represents.

The 5 REF Values and what they mean…

1. Self-Belief: Self-Belief is faith or trust in your own abilities, your positive
characteristics. Confidence in your own judgment. The belief that you can
do things well.

2. Honesty: Without honesty to yourself, you are constantly fooling yourself
(denial), not facing reality. This prevents you from seeing the truth about
yourself. Honesty to yourself, especially about your weaknesses,
shortcomings and mistakes leads to taking responsibility and self-
improvement. Without honesty to others, you are untrustworthy and
unreliable. Without honesty, you can’t establish your “base-line” for
learning and few people will be able to help you.

3. Responsibility: Responsibility is something that is your job to do or duty to
deal with. Responsible means being able to answer for one’s conduct and
obligations, able to choose right from wrong. With responsibility, you are
also prepared to take action to overcome your challenges.

4. Humility: Humility enables you to see things clearly. While honesty enables
you to speak/act the truth (and see the truth about yourself), humility
enables you to see the truth about everything. Humility brings open-
mindedness and the ability to learn new things, especially from others, not
just from or by yourself. Humility leads to wisdom. Humility also enables
you to communicate effectively and to share with others wisdom learnt.

5. Compassion: Compassion is a strong feeling (awareness) of empathy and
sadness for the suffering or misfortune of others and a desire to help them.
Compassion towards self means forgiving yourself for mistakes you make
and then picking yourself up and moving forward. Compassion towards
others is caring for others. As an unintended consequence, helping others
also means that others are likely to help you in your hour of need.

The above values (the 5 REF Values) serve to bring success, give meaning and
happiness to one’s life. REF mentors are taught to share and role model these
values to their mentees.

© RCBKS 2014

Sent: Thursday, September 25, 2014 3:25 P

YMP-SNAP 0179
A Desire to Help Yourself

In selecting students for the Rotary
Education Award, we say that we
want to have those who
demonstrate a desire to help
themselves. We want to help those
who are from difficult circumstances
(lower income group) and who
dream of a better life; who have a
tangible desire to help themselves
get to a better life. Yet while we
have a rough idea, what this
nebulous quality is needs to be
defined.

What is this quality we call a “desire to help yourself”?

In the Annual REF Mentor Workshop of January 2013, we set out to explore
this by setting “A Desire to Help Yourself” as the central theme of the workshop.
40 mentors and potential mentors where present and they were asked from
their experience, what this quality means to them. In one exercise, they were
each given 2x4in cards to write down in one word, what “A desire to help
yourself” means. The flood of the words that came forth included: Hard work,
motivation, courage, focused, engaged, ambitious, hunger, faith, disciplined,
open-mindedness, being the best, give all, communicator, proactive, willingness
to learn, drive, frankness and dream.

How can we classify them? A clue came in the form of a Forbes Magazine article
of April 2012 which talked about a survey of 1200 of the world’s leading
organizations on what they thought were the top 5 personality traits that
employers hire most. The results of the survey were that 86% of the
respondents said Professionalism, 78% said High Energy, 61% said Confidence,
58% said Self Monitoring and 57% said Intellectual Curiosity.

Interestingly, the output of the REF workshop exercise may be grouped under
the following headings:

These headings resemble the traits most sought after by the top 1200 leading
organizations in the world.

While this is undoubtedly a simple comparison, nevertheless the lesson we can
learn from this is clear. The qualities that resemble a “desire to help yourself”
are the same qualities that top organizations look for in their employees. If
students learn to develop these qualities, they will ensure that their future
(employability) is bright – they will be sought after by top employers.

Finally, in terms of implications on our work in the REF, if we are able to find
students with these five qualities, we will be able to obtain students with high
potential, we can employ an enabling (vs instructive) approach to our
mentoring, the time required to mentor will be less and we are likely to
maximize the success rate of our programme.

In conclusion, what we are looking for when we say we want students that have
a “desire to help themselves”, are students who show academic achievement,
enthusiasm, confidence, responsibility and curiosity.

© RCBKS 2014


YMP-SNAP 0180
The Promise

Awardee Muhamad Haiqal with his Mentors
Rotarians Edmund and Dr Kong
After a short walk, the mentor sat the
mentee next to him on the park bench.
Both gazing straight ahead and soaking
in the sight of the magnificent kites
fluttering just above the tree tops, the
mentor said, “Let’s talk about the value
of responsibility. Can you give me an
example of responsibility?”

The promising young mentee thought
for a moment and said tentatively,
“Responsibility to deliver on our
promise?”

“Very good”, the mentor affirmed and then continued, “There are many types of
responsibility. There is the responsibility of your teachers to inspire you. There is
the responsibility of your parents to support you. There is the responsibility of
your government to provide education facilities for you. But none of these matter
if you don’t take personal responsibility. And only you can do that for your own
education.”

“But I come from a poor family? How can I afford a good education?” the mentee
asked.

The mentor then explained, “Your circumstance is no excuse for not taking
responsibility, no excuse for neglecting your homework or having a bad attitude,
and no excuse for not trying harder.” He pointed out, “In fact no matter what
circumstances you’re in, if you take responsibility, life will present you with
opportunities. All you need are; a belief in your own abilities, the honesty to
admit what you do not know, the courage to ask questions and the humility to
learn from others. Then help will be on the way and success will soon follow.”

Taking a deep breath, the mentor gushed, “And while you are achieving success,
always remember that it is your responsibility to be compassionate, to help

others achieve it too. The human capacity to achieve good things and to help
others achieve it too is unlimited, and is ultimately where our own true happiness
resides.”

Turning to face the mentee, the mentor concluded passionately, “And so we help
REF Awardees in their education because we see that they are prepared to help
themselves. That’s important. That’s their promise. That means taking personal
responsibility for their education. Because there isn’t a thing we can do for
someone who doesn’t take responsibility. If you don’t take responsibility for your
future, then you have no future.”

It was a lot to take in for the young mentee. Turning skywards to the kites again,
he thought to himself, pondering silently upon his own future.

As for the mentor, even as he boldly shared the lofty value, he wondered
privately to himself whether he could completely live up to it and worried about
his responsibility of being a good example. An imperfect individual doing the
serious job of a mentor. Yet he could relate strongly to the value of compassion
and was determined to honestly give his young charge his best care possible. In
the words of the mentee … to “deliver on his promise”.

© RCBKS 2014


YMP-SNAP 0181
Happiness is helping others
– Transforming passion into compassion

Awardee Sathes with REF Chairman Poay Lim at
the 2014 Values Education Workshop
Passion is the energy that gets
you up in the morning; it is the
fuel that drives you to immerse
yourself in your work and deliver
results. Compassion is the energy
that you extend to others; it is the
manifestation of caring and
concern. Though these two
concepts may not get equal time
in the discussion on values, they
are equally important.

Passion is spoken about frequently, though primarily in the abstract, as in having
a "passion for the job" or "passion for results." By contrast, compassion takes a
back seat; it's considered a nice-to-have attribute but few leaders speak publicly
about it. In truth, if you want to deliver on passion; that is, use it as a lever to
inspire others to achieve something sustainable, you must do so with
compassion - by recognizing and demonstrating your belief that what people do
matters.

Passion is often subjective. It is the zeal we feel when we are doing what we
enjoy and when we see the positive effects it has on us as well as the people
around us. Compassion, by contrast, is nurtured from within -- but it doesn't
have any effect until you apply it to others. It's no good being compassionate if
you never do anything for anyone.

Neither universal nor specific compassionate acts are altruistic acts; they are the
source of our own well-being. Seeking and finding a way of serving others is a
powerful source of happiness. “Happiness is in the cultivation of one's garden,”
says Voltaire in Candide's voice. But the ultimate serenity comes from the
cultivation of others' gardens.

Sent: Thursday, October 16, 2014 6:05 PM

YMP-SNAP 0182
Hitting a Home Run

Awardees Tan Chieu Yie at the Study Skills Workshop
in April 2014
For those who have not had the
experience of playing base ball, hitting a
home run has to be one of the greatest
immediate feelings of accomplishments.
Most times, you do not feel any impact
of the bat on the ball in your hands
because you hit the ball right on the
sweet spot of the bat.

Yet hitting a home run does not just
happen by chance. The right preparation,
the back swing, the hit (impact), the
follow-through and ultimately the finish,
have all got to be properly coordinated
and executed.

Similarly mentoring has its component steps to be done right before success can
happen. Using the base ball home run as an analogy, the corresponding
components of REF mentoring are (for example):

Preparation New mentor training, HELP Career Testing (baseline) of
mentee
Backswing Setting the visit dates, mentoring goal setting
Hit Mentoring visits, one-on-one mentoring session
objectives, mentee journaling
Follow-through Visit report, 6-monthly report to Sponsor, mentoring
goal review, mentor support group meetings
Finish Student does well for exams and goes to University or
College or Vocational School of choice

Unless all of these components are in place and properly executed, success will
not follow. For example, some mentors may be good at scheduling visits
regularly and communicating with their mentee. But unfortunately, they are

poor in their “follow-through” work, such as filling and submitting the 6-monthly
report to the (financial) sponsor – consequently leaving the sponsor in the dark
and disappointed. As a result the sponsor may not provide a renewal of the
sponsorship, leaving the REF short of funds it would otherwise have. If such
funds are not forthcoming, some students may not receive the funding they
should, or some REF activity may have to be curtailed, leading possibly to a poor
mentoring “finish”.

REF mentoring is a team effort, some of which may be transparent to the
mentor, especially the (equally) important back room administrative support and
fund raising work. But if any component, of the process falters, the success of the
whole mentorship is jeopardized. Just like in base ball, you and your team must
mutually support each other to ensure success. This applies to team morale too.

As a volunteer mentor (Rotarians included), ensure that your part, your
responsibilities and obligations, as required by the REF are all fulfilled. Once
these components are properly executed, you can be sure that you hit the ball
right on the sweet spot of the bat and then a “home run” in your mentoring of
the student.

“Be thorough; preparation, execution, follow-through, FINISH.
If you have the courage to start, then have the commitment to finish."

© RCBKS 2014

Sent: Friday, October 24, 2014 12:31 PM

YMP-SNAP 0183
Choices, Actions and Consequences

Students participating at the REF Values Education
Workshop 2014

“You didn’t whatsapp me last night
when you came home late?”

“I forgot. Dad, I know it’s good to
whatsapp when I have to come home
late but sometimes in the midst of work
I can’t remember all those things.”

“I would never do that to your mum. I’ll
always call when I have to come home
late. That’s why we have a good
relationship. It’s the kind of person you
choose to be. It will determine the
quality of relationships you have. For
me, it is family first, work second. It’s
your choice. But remember, the
consequences of your choices are also
yours to live. J ”

“Point noted, Dad. But you know it is family first for me too. Just ‘cause of this
doesn’t mean it is work or play first. I can’t be expected to be perfect.”

“Yes, I know. But the closer you get to the ideal, the higher the quality of a
relationship. I know you are not perfect. But be careful not to make that an
excuse.”

“I’ll try harder next time, Dad.J”

The decision on any personal action is always our choice. And therefore, the kind
of person we wish to be is also our choice. Every action has consequences. And
we have to live the consequences of our choices. Good actions have good
consequences and bad actions have bad ones.

Notice how, if we are “happy” but the people around us are unhappy or our
environment is polluted, we cannot be completely happy.

Values like being “caring” and “present” enough to call when you are going to be
late bode well in a relationship. And so are REF values like self-belief,
responsibility, honesty, humility and compassion. Our values determine the
quality of our relationships. If we base our decisions and actions on good values,
the chances are, we will have good relationships and good consequences.
“Nobody ever did, or ever will, escape the consequences of his choices.”
Alfred A. Montapert, writer

programme. While these 5-minute “snapshot reads” are mainly for our mentors, they are also sometimes shared with friends of
REF who may not be mentors.
© RCBKS 2014

Sent: Thursday, October 30, 2014 2:34 PM

YMP-SNAP 0184
The Mountain

I went to the mountain because I
wished to experience nature
deliberately, away from the usual
comforts, to face life directly, and to
see if I could learn what it had to
teach, and not, when I die, discover
that I had not lived. I gathered
courage, went out to walk, and then
realised that I was really going in. It
was not the mountain that was
waiting to be conquered but myself.

Everyone wanted to quickly reach the
top of the mountain yet all the discovery
actually happened while walking to the
top. It was not that I could finally see the
world at the top, but that it was in the
walking up that I could finally see myself.
In the mountain, I got lost in nature and
when I finally emerged, I found myself. I
learned that nature is in fact, the
outward sign of the inward spirit or as
Ralph Waldo Emerson wrote, "the
radical correspondence of visible things
and human thoughts". I came to this
realization only because I got out of my
comfort zone and overcame my limiting
beliefs.

© RCBKS 2014

Sent: Thursday, November 06, 2014 7:27 PM

YMP-SNAP 0185
Activities for mentor and mentees in
community-based mentoring, such as
the REF programme, can take on
various forms. These include one-to-
one outings and activities, doing things
the mentor and mentee enjoy
together, like:
2. Going to a museum

Some mentors meet their mentees on the weekends. Others get together with
their mentees in the evenings. Each match is unique and develops a schedule
that works for them.
less likely to drop out, abuse drugs or commit crimes.

© RCBKS 2014

Sent: Wednesday, December 03, 2014 3:53 P

YMP-SNAP 0186
A Better Start, A Better Life
HELP University signs a cooperative memorandum of understanding with the
Rotary Club of Bukit Kiara Sunrise to support community youth mentoring

L-R Seated: Dr Goh Chee Leong, Datuk Dr Paul Chan,
President Cecelia, REF Chairman PP Tan Poay Lim
L-R Standing: DGE Siti Subaidah Adil, DG Kirenjit , DGN
Darul Abdullah

8TH
November, 2014 KL – The Rotary Club
of Bukit Kiara Sunrise (RCBKS) in
partnership with HELP University is
transforming the lives of
underprivileged youth through its
Rotary Education Fund (REF) mentoring
programme.

The REF project, begun in 2009,
comprises mentorship, leadership,
training, values education and financial
assistance. Members and volunteers
meet with students aged 15-19 years on
a monthly basis, providing
encouragement and support for the
students to complete their secondary
education.

Through this programme, 40-50 mentors are trained annually by HELP through a
one day workshop.

In addition, HELP also supports REF in the areas of fall back counselling for
mentees who face problems and also career testing services through
CareerSense@HELP should they require it.

To further cement and strengthen the project, a Memorandum of Understanding
(MOU) between HELP and RCBKS was signed today to define the next phase of
their partnership together.

RCBKS President Cecelia Matuya said, “This MOU gives us the opportunity to

map out our co-operation over the next three years,” said Cecelia at the signing
ceremony today. REF Chairman Tan Poay Lim added, “With the broadening of
our cooperation, RCBKS hopes to provide more value to students especially from
the lower income families, long missing on key opportunities in education.”

In addition to the current partnership for the REF project the two organizations
will broaden and deepen their co-operation to include;
§ Encouraging research collaboration between the university’s students and
staff at RCBKS on REF.
§ Providing an annual career guidance talk to the mentees and making
available special HELP scholarships and financial aid to mentees who qualify
through a selection process.
§ Exploring other potential areas of co-operation between RCBKS and HELP
for REF.
§ Working with HELP graduates and lecturers to volunteer as mentors and
eventually work towards REF becoming a pilot research project.
§ RCBKS and HELP to work together on youth development projects in the
future.

The President and Vice-Chancellor of HELP, Datuk Dr Paul Chan said, “Our
mission is to help people succeed in life and to live a life of significance through
education. Thus HELP University is committed to supporting community projects
that provide youth development, especially in this case, the REF transforms lives
of underprivileged youth through education, “ said Dr Chan at the signing of the
MOU today. Also present was Dr Goh Chee Leong, Dean of the Faculty of
Behavioral Studies at HELP University, who was also a signatory of the MOU.

Indeed, testimony to the success of the REF project is its replication by seven
other Rotary clubs in Malaysia, RC Pantai Valley, Gombak, Bangsar, Seremban,
Temerloh, Kulim and Pahang West benefitting 95 students. There are also
projects with professional trainers to organize annual youth workshops as part of
the activities of REF.

The occasion was also attended by District Governor Kirenjit Kaur who witnessed
the signing of the MOU between the two parties. Present together with the
Governor was DGE Siti Subaidah Adil and DGN Darul Abdullah. DG Kirenjit said,
“The REF project has always impressed me with the commitment of members of
RCBKS to carry it out to the fullest extent. This is the kind of project that brings
hope to the lower income community and I am pleased that a number of Rotary
Clubs have started their own education funds based on the same model and with
the support of RCBKS.”

In conjunction with the signing of the MOU, at the weekly rotary meeting, RCBKS
also expressed their appreciation to mentors and other partners-in-service,
including sponsors, who contributed to the success of the project over the past 5
years.

© RCBKS 2014

Sent: Friday, December 12, 2014 5:12 PM

YMP-SNAP 0187
Equip, Empower and Support
The REF Approach

Mentee Shahmuni with her mother Lacthmy and REF interviewer
Mun Yee

"It seems that every life form on this
planet strives toward its maximum
potential...except human beings. A
tree does not grow to half its potential
size and then say, 'l guess that will do.'
A tree will drive its roots as deep as
possible. It will soak up as much
nourishment as it can, stretch as high
and as wide as nature will allow, and
then look down as if to remind us of
how much each of us could become if
we would only do all that we can."
Jim Rohn

It seems, because a human being can think, feel and have "choice", he (or her)
often prefers to stay in his comfort zone. As a result, he fails to grow properly
and develop his full potential. And so as mentors, we help our mentee with a
foundation of right values so that he realizes and moves out of his comfort zone
and overcome his limiting beliefs to discover himself, find his purpose and
achieve his potential. In the process he finds meaning and happiness in his life.
We call this a "values-based holistic education". It's the approach we take in the
REF.

What is our role as a mentor?
It is to Equip our mentee to make wise decisions, Empower her to decide on
what future she wants and Support her to get to where she wants to go.

© RCBKS 2014


YMP-SNAP 0188
Let happiness find you

Awardees participating in a tree planting project
at a REF Values Workshop
Happiness is helping others. Because we
are not perfect, our compassion or service
to others is not purely altruistic. It has an
ultimate connection to our own personal
happiness. But that’s all right. So long as
we are also determined to learn to reduce
the traces of selfishness over time, we are
on the right path. Everyone can do
something to help others. Even young
students can do so too. In our Values
Education workshops, we say to the
students that if they study hard and be
successful, they will not only be helping
themselves but also their parents attain
their happiness in life – giving meaning to
the lives of their parents.

Or that if they take the workshop seriously and then do well in their exams, the
workshop sponsor will be impressed and will continue with the sponsorship next
year. If the present batch succeed in doing well this year, they are already
helping the students of the next batch by making the funding and hence the
workshop available again.

Often we are already helping others without realizing it. And likewise, we may be
adversely affecting others without knowing it. The mathematician and
meteorologist Edward Lorenz coined that, “the flapping of the wings of a
butterfly in South America can affect the weather in Central Park”.

But is life really so complicated? Must we be always analyzing every action
before taking it, keeping an eye on its consequences in order to lead a
meaningful and happy life? Fortunately no. There is an easier way; by
understanding the “value of Values”. Good consequences have their roots in
good values. When all our actions arise from good values, then everything else
will take care of itself. In our Values Education Programme, we teach noble

values such as Self-Belief, Honesty, Responsibility, Humility and Compassion. We
teach students that so long as they ensure their actions originate from noble
values, they will eventually be helping someone and then success and happiness
will follow.

But focusing directly on attaining happiness will only make it more elusive.
Don’t worry about chasing after it. Play the game of life by constantly living noble
values and happiness will naturally find you.


© RCBKS 2014


YMP-SNAP 0189
Enlightened Service
The Annual REF Youth Mentoring Workshop

Mentors at the 2014 Annual REF Youth
Mentoring Workshop

Serve wisely. Service is not just about
serving "with a clear conscience" or that
"as long as I am doing good, that's all
that counts". Besides having good
intention, educate and skill yourself so
that you are competent in providing
your service. The old saying, "the road to
hell is paved with good intention"
applies to all of us as mentors. When we
lack the necessary understanding and
competency, we can do more harm than
good, even with the best of intentions.

Fortunately, the REF works closely with HELP University’s Department of
Behavioural Sciences (HELP) to provide support and training to our mentors.
After 5 years of service, the REF now also has a pool of experienced mentors who
act as a valuable resource to new and inexperienced ones. Mentoring is not
difficult once you appreciate the key principles. Equip yourself by attending all
the training and up-skilling opportunities provided by the REF, especially the
Annual Youth Mentoring Workshop (on 18 Jan 2015) organised together with
HELP. Enlightened service is serving competently (in addition to
compassionately), not hurting others and getting in a "mess" while trying to do
good.

“It’s not just helping others; it’s equipping yourself to do so too.
To gain success, besides good intention, wisdom is necessary.”
The REF

© RCBKS 2015

Sent: Friday, January 09, 2015 2:30 PM

YMP-SNAP 0190
Love, Time ... and Excuses

REF Mentee Tasha at the
2014 Values Education Workshop

If you want someone, you must
make time for them. And when you
really matter to them, they will
make time for you. Don't force
someone to make time for you. If
they really want to, they will.

Think of how you can be of value to
be important to someone. If you're
really important to them, they'll find
the time for you. If not, they'll find
excuses.

Always have time for someone who is important to you. It is worth, even if you
have to make the first step.

When someone gives importance to you, you may think they are always free.
You may not realise that they are making themselves available for you every
time. Respect those who find time for you and love those who always have time
for you, never even seeming to have to deliberately "find” it for you.

“Try not to become a man of success, but rather try to become a man of value.”
Albert Einstein

© RCBKS 2015


YMP-SNAP 0191
Mentoring Young People

Mentoring is a powerful way to change lives for the better. It gives you an
effective way to be a positive influence on young lives, the future of our society.
You may think you do not have the skills to mentor today but we can teach you.
Tomorrow, you will be making a difference to some young life or better still, you
may be able to share your mentoring experience with other new mentors and
create an endless ripple of positive difference.

Let us teach you.

All you need is to have a willingness to learn and a caring heart.

Youth Mentoring is a central programme of the REF,
The Rotary Education Fund

© RCBKS 2015


YMP-SNAP 0192
Kindling Curiosity

Mentors at the 2015 Annual REF Youth
Mentoring Workshop on “Nurturing the Creative Mind”
"I am learning now that education is
about instilling a genuine sense of
curiosity and an appreciation for
wonder."
Right Brain Partner Teacher

We are teaching or attempting to
spark and ignite curiosity, the main
ingredient to a "desire to help
oneself". To do so successfully,
mentors must exhibit (and role
model) curiosity themselves.

The best manifestation of curiosity is the willingness to ask questions, to be
interested. So we educate not by imposing ideas but by asking questions. Be
interesting by being interested. Nurture creativity by being creative. Be an
example to your mentee. Model the values you want to see developing in your
mentee. In doing so, we allow the power from within the youngster to come
forth, allowing him to reveal himself and be himself. Draw him out through the
“magic of asking questions” and then listening to his answers, without being
judgmental. Show him not only the habit, but also the advantage and joy of
asking questions and you will kindle his curiosity and nurture his creativity.

"It is a miracle that curiosity survives formal education."
Albert Einstein

© RCBKS 2015


YMP-SNAP 0193
Providing Career Guidance
Let us review our objectives as mentors
to the REF awardees. On the highest
level, we want to help the mentee:
§ Discover who he (or she) is
§ Be the best he can be – discovering
his potential
§ Learn to take personal
responsibility for his own future

On a day-to-day ground level basis, we
want to help the mentee:
§ Stay in school
§ Improve his grades
§ With his career decision (and
tertiary education decisions)

Factors affecting the choice of career
In all the above, we must always remember to be a good role model to him.

In particular, an important role as a mentor is to help your mentee with career
guidance and to connect him with opportunities that will help him decide his
choice of career. These may come in the form of in-depth discussions,
recommended reads and introductions to people who are in professions that
the mentee may be interested in.

Many students, among our mentees, know how to study hard, yet have little to
no idea what careers to choose. They have become “professional students” who
know how to get good grades but have spent little to no time thinking about
their careers. What does one need to consider when thinking about a career
choice?

Help your mentee go back to the basics and ask:

4. What kind of life do I want? (Your mission)
5. What am I passionate at? (Your interests)
6. What am I potentially good at? (Your aptitude)

and also important but to a lesser extent,

5. What are the opportunities related to the chosen career?
(Your employability)

These questions relate to who you (the mentee) are and where you want to go.
Once you know where you want to go, then things will start to move, things will
happen for the better. Others will come to your help. You will be able to find the
way and pick up the skills and resources necessary to succeed. But you must
first figure out where you want to go … by first knowing who you are. And so in
our mentoring, we can never avoid the higher objectives mentioned above.

An important consideration in choosing a career is to understand the difference
between your interests and your aptitude. Many students confuse a hobby
interest with a career choice. The latter should be based on both interest and
aptitude. A hobby interest can be pursued concurrently with a career choice.
But the choice of career must deliver the ability to earn a living that will then
deliver the life that one wants. A hobby can be pursued separately, without
thinking of its ability to earn an income. Students who confuse the two will
often pick something which they ought to pursue as a hobby instead of a career.

“Until one is committed, there is hesitancy … Whatever you can do, or dream
you can do, begin it. Boldness has genius, power, and magic in it. Begin now.”
William Hutchinson Murray
Scottish mountaineer and writer, 1913-96

© RCBKS 2015

Sent: Friday, February 06, 2015 5:41 PM

YMP-SNAP 0194
Nurturing the Creative Mind
The 6th REF Annual Youth Mentoring Workshop, 18 Jan 2015
by REF Chairman Tan Poay Lim

The 60 Participants at the workshop organized by RCBKS at HELP University
After weeks of preparation with
HELP University’s Faculty of
Behavioural Sciences, we held the
6th REF Annual Youth Mentoring
Workshop at the university’s
CareerSense, the department that
helps students find the career
best suited to them. CareerSense
director, Eric Amaladas, has been
overseeing training for our
mentors these past years and we are indeed privileged to have him as our coach
in Mentorship. This year’s theme is ‘Nurturing the Creative Mind’. We came
upon it quite spontaneously as we were getting concerned that our school
system was producing students who were rewarded for memorizing their
textbooks. We thought such a workshop would allow us mentors to consider our
own attitude towards creativity as well.

We are pleased to report that we had a full-house of 60 participants. Eric had
invited HELP International School’s Artist-in- Residence, Michael Quah, to be the
lead trainer. So it was that Mike took us through aspects of creativity we have
taken for granted. The simple question he posed that stumped many among us
was ‘How creative were you as a parent?’ The link between this and our attempt
at mentoring an awardee is clear.

“It does not matter what experience we had
but what has the experience done for us”

He set us through exercises that made us consider what are crucial to being
creative like being receptive to new ideas. This was after making us aware that
not all of us share the same intelligence – he raised for our attention the

‘Multiple Intelligences’ as proposed by Howard Gardner. Then the exercise on
what we can create with a piece of A4 paper took us through a lot of creative
design and much symbolism. For example, a paper boat was a participant’s
symbol of purpose, strength and helpfulness.

The longest discussion we had revolved about a checklist of qualities that we
thought were the most important to being a good mentor. It achieved what Mike
wanted which was to stimulate our analysis of ourselves. Clearly every one of the
traits is as important as the next.

“Imagination is being able to see when the eyes have not seen yet.”

Besides many potential mentors, we are so pleased that so many REF extension
clubs and some intending ones sent representatives. Not only did they benefit
from the workshop, it also allowed us to strengthen our bond with them through
our programme. We thank HELP University, the REF organizing team under
Mentorship Leads Kingsley Weber and YL Yee, and all who attended.

© RCBKS 2015

Sent: Friday, February 13, 2015 5:12 PM

YMP-SNAP 0195
The Spirit of Happiness

Once again, as the lunar new year
approaches, it is the season to wish
and greet one another “Happiness”

“Happiness is the meaning and the
purpose of life, the whole aim and
end of human existence.”
Aristotle
Yet, focusing directly on attaining happiness will only make it more elusive.


Like truth, don’t worry about chasing after happiness. Play the game of life by
constantly living noble values and happiness will naturally find you.

Season’s Greetings and Happy Lunar New Year from all of us at the REF

and the Rotary Club of Bukit Kiara Sunrise!

© RCBKS 2015

Sent: Friday, February 27, 2015 11:10 AM

YMP-SNAP 0196
Choosing a Career – Interest versus Aptitude
They say that, “For young people to learn, you’ve got to make it interesting for
them. But for adults to learn, you’ve got to make it important for them. For
adults, if it’s important they’ll make it interesting for themselves.” Many things
can be interesting for us but fewer things are important. And even fewer, we
are good at. Therein lies the difference. Those things that we have a potential to
be good at are those which we call we have an “aptitude” for. And there tend to
be fewer of them.

The universe of the things that you are interested in (or “What am I passionate
about?”), will not completely coincide with the universe of things that you are
potentially good at (your aptitude or “What am I good at?”), even if you tried
your hardest. That’s because for some things, you may not have that inborn
talent for it. For e.g. you may like music but may be tone deaf, so it is unlikely
that you can make a career out of being a musician. However, where the two
universes coincide are the things that you are passionate about and have a
potential to be good at. That’s where you should consider seriously choosing
your career and your field of tertiary study.

Make your career choice from the list of things that you are interested in and
have an aptitude for, by pondering over the question of “What kind of life do I
want?” (My Mission*)

But before you make your final choice from that list, think seriously too that
which you are most passionate about and have the strongest set of (potential)
skills in.

Many students confuse a hobby interest with a career choice. The latter should
be based on both interest and aptitude. A hobby interest can be pursued
concurrently with a career choice. But the choice of career must deliver the
ability to earn a living that will then deliver the life that one wants. A hobby can
be pursued separately, without thinking of its ability to earn an income.
Students who confuse the two will often pick something which they ought to
pursue as a hobby instead of a career.

*Look out for a forthcoming Mentor Snapshot article on “Your Mission Statement” and choosing the life that you
want.

© RCBKS 2015

Sent: Friday, March 06, 2015 12:42 PM

YMP-SNAP 0197
Developing Your Mission and Setting Clear Goals
Choosing a career – Start by figuring out the life that you want

"He who has the Why to live for, can
bear with almost any How," said the
philosopher Nietzsche. Varying this
slightly we say that, "He who
understands the Why to live for, will
find the How."

Many who have lost their will to live
say, "I have nothing more to expect
from life." This unfortunately is the
wrong attitude towards life. A life well
lived is not a matter of what we expect
from life but rather, it is a matter of
what life expects of us.

Your Goals and Mission are built on a foundation of Values

We must take responsibility for our own life. Don’t ask for the meaning of life but
ask instead, what meaning we give to our life (and to the lives of others). Life is
about giving, not about taking. Life is about compassion, and living a higher
purpose. Only then will we give meaning to life. Only when we give meaning will
we find meaning in our life.

And so any attempt at helping someone identify and achieve a goal effectively,
has to do with helping him find meaning for the goal (the "Why"). With meaning
comes hope. With hope comes motivation and inner strength to soldier on
towards the goal.

An individual's mission in life has to therefore be meaningful. The process of
developing a mission has to begin with discovering and understanding who you
are, gaining an insight into your own identity. This may be defined by the (5-6)
values or beliefs that are most important to you, those that have meaning to you.
Your values describe what you believe in.

Once you have established the values that are important to you, proceed to
develop the next layer, your mission. A personal mission statement will describe
qualitatively what kind of life you want and consists of 3 parts: 1. What do you
want to do? 2. Who do you want to help? 3. What is the value you wish to
create?

Keep your mission statement short, simple and crisp; a one sentence statement
that drives you in your life. It's important to "anchor" the mission on values that
really mean something to you. Once the mission is properly created, work out
what this means to the various (4-5) roles you play in your life, such as individual,
friend, son (or daughter), student and community member. Align the actions you
take for each role you play with your values and mission. Misalignment creates
unhappiness and conflicts between how you see yourself and how you actually
are. Finally, for each of the actions or activities in turn, identify the 2-3
measurable goals you wish to achieve, noting that the more tangible the goals
are, the more likely you will be of actually achieving it. The goals are the
quantitative part of your mission.

A meaningful mission becomes the powerful motivation (or the "Why") for you to
achieve your goals. A mission statement is dynamic. It may change as you gain
more knowledge, experience and skills in life. Review it regularly.

One of the common mistakes students make in a mission statement
development exercise is that they do not make enough effort to figure out the
values that are important to them. When that happens, the resulting personal
mission statement does not "resonate" with the individual and therefore lacks
power. Your Goals and Mission are built on a foundation of Values. They must be
YOUR values. Ultimately though, the values that really mean something profound
to an individual are altruistic and noble values. The purpose of a mission
statement is to act as effective "headlights" or inspiration to direct a person on
his journey to where he needs to go. If the mission statement lacks power or
meaning, it will not achieve its purpose.

When the student has figured out his "mission in life",
he will find from it the "will to succeed"

programme. These 5-minute "snapshots" are also shared with friends of REF who may not be mentors.
© RCBKS 2015


YMP-SNAP 0198

The Rotary Education Award (REA) is a
values-based holistic education
programme. This means it promotes
an educational philosophy that is
based on valuing self, others and the
environment through the teaching of
humanitarian and ethical values
(noble values). The Rotary Education
Fund (REF) helps each awardee find
identity, purpose, and meaning in life
through connections to the
community, to the natural world, and
through noble values.


While the REF can support a student in his education (and self-discovery), the
have a “desire to help himself”, to take the necessary action to overcome his
challenges. To take this responsibility, he needs to have: the honesty to accept
and face his reality, the self-belief (or courage) to ask questions and realize that
he has the ability to succeed. He must also have the humility to acknowledge
that he doesn’t know everything and that he has to learn from others who are
able to help. And finally, he must have the compassion to forgive himself when
he makes mistakes and to recognize that mistakes (or failure) merely point the
way to success. If he equips himself and believes in these values, life will present
him with the necessary opportunities to succeed.

Education is the key to get from difficult circumstances to success. Develop the
right values and the student will effectively gain an education. Besides personal
responsibility, an individual also has a responsibility to his family and community,
which too is fulfilled through a proper education. Here, the value of compassion

(caring for others) will help the student become a useful member of the family
and a good citizen, and will enable him to eventually gain real happiness in life.

And so in order to achieve the REA programme objectives, the REF values
curriculum besides covering values in general, focuses attention on the five

As their mentors, we are encouraged to emphasize and model these values to
the awardees.

The 2015 REF Values Education Workshop will be held on 16 & 17 March 2015.
Please contact RCBKS Rotarian Anthony Pinto at ptony@mysatori.com.my for
details.

© RCBKS 2015


YMP-SNAP 0199
Writing a Journal

gain perspective.



Journaling makes a Thinking Individual

How to do
§ Observe
§ Unfreeze the mind
§ Think and think independently
and critically
Benefits
§ Improves power of observation
because you need to record
§ Unfreezes the mind
§ Forces thinking

§ Focus
§ Analyse
§ Move beyond recording facts to
asking and recording “Why”
§ Sort out and order thoughts
before writing
§ Write your thoughts down
clearly

§ Enables “natural” thinking –
liberates the true self
§ Improves focus
§ Develops independent, critical
and analytical thinking
§ Develops ability to express
effectively
§ Improves writing and language
skills
§ Understanding how your mind
works
§ Records your feelings
§ Captures (creative) ideas
§ Captures wisdom that you
generate
§ Discover self
§ Develops a mature individual

Please share this article with your mentee.

© RCBKS 2015


YMP-SNAP 200
Happiness and Rotary International

What is Happiness?

Are you happy now?

For many of us, the aim in life is to “live
happily” or just simply “to be happy”.

What does this mean and how do we
attain this?

“Happiness” is the feeling that we are
experiencing a meaningful life.

What will bring about for us a “meaningful life”?

It is going through life with a purpose – a purpose beyond self.

No man is an island. We are all interdependent on one another, even on those
that we may not know. Futures are forged by even the ripples we make today. In
the wellbeing of all, we find our own complete wellbeing. And so, if we truly want
to be happy, we have to go beyond our self-interest to being concerned for the
wellbeing of others – in other words, believe in and practice the value of
“Compassion”.

No matter what predicament you may find yourself in today, there is always
someone who is less fortunate than you. Learn to count your blessings and then
help someone. That way, you will find your “real happiness”. An old Chinese
proverb says,

“If you want happiness for an hour — take a nap.
If you want happiness for a day — go fishing.
If you want happiness for a year — inherit a fortune.
If you want happiness for a lifetime — help someone else.”

Rotary International is a values-based organization that has at the heart of its
charter, the value of compassion. No words can better express this than our motto
– “Service Above Self.” Rotary International gives us all an opportunity to serve, to
express our compassion meaningfully and in the process helps us attain
Happiness.

And so today, we offer a toast to Rotary International. Let us together make one
strong resolution in our hearts too – “that we will always act compassionately
towards others.”

… “To Rotary International.”

© RCBKS 2015


Dear Reader,
Thank you for staying interested in the weekly Mentoring Snapshot.
There will no issues for the next 2 weeks as I will be away travelling.
The weekly Mentoring Snapshot will resume on the week of 20 Apr 2015.
In the meantime, I hope you enjoy this week’s issue.
Rgds,
YL Yee
REF

YMP-SNAP 0201
A Selfless Attitude

Today, we share a piece of poetry.

Let not your meditation,
Nor your prayer,
Turn you into vegetation,
Or make you a naysayer.

With all you can muster,
Work on your attitude.
Quietly building character,
You scale great altitude.
Even at your tender age,
You can share of yourself.
And learn to be a sage,
Think and act beyond self.

Free from anger and rage,
Not timid nor frightened.
You step onto the stage,
Ready to be enlightened!

© RCBKS 2015


YMP-SNAP 0202
REF Mentoring – a holistic approach

The REF’s Holistic Approach to Mentoring & Education
As mentors charged with the
responsibility of helping students gain
an education and choose a career; we
cannot approach this task competently
without adopting a holistic approach.
This means the student needs to first
figure out who he (or she) is – his
identity. And then he needs to ask,
“what do I want in life?” To answer the
latter question, besides discovering his
identity, he needs to know (or at least
make a start on finding out) what his
“purpose” in life is.

When he embarks on this, he will realize that in order to have a fulfilling life, he
must have a “higher” purpose, one that requires him to think beyond himself.
Invariably he has to include the value of “compassion” in his life. With
compassion, he will then find meaning in his life. In fact, he will also give
meaning to the lives of others. Underpinning all these, i.e. identity, purpose and
meaning is “values”. The values you subscribe to defines who you are. A higher
purpose, or being compassionate, is a value. Actions stemming from noble values
will give meaning to one’s life and to the lives of others.

Finding out your identity is to know “where you are”, while your purpose drives
you to “where you want to go”. These are indeed big questions. But once a
student has an understanding of this process, we can help him identify a career
that is in alignment with what he wants in his life. As a mentor, having helped
him ask the question, “What do you want in life?” we can then proceed to ask
the remaining two questions; “What’s preventing you from getting it?” and “How
can we help you to get it?”

The career choice is but a milestone, albeit an important one, in one’s life
journey. Help your student understand his life journey and chances are, he will

choose a career that he will find fulfilling.

Of course, this may not all be cast in stone. A person’s idea of what he wants in
life can change over time with experience. We can only help him establish what
he wants now. The important thing is that we have made him aware of a reliable
methodology, a holistic approach of looking at things which he can then apply
with confidence for the rest of his life.

“In the REF, students are taught that they can give their life (and the lives of
others) meaning by living it with a purpose beyond self.
They do this by first realizing self (discovering their identity),
which is largely defined by the values they believe in.”

© RCBKS 2015


YMP-SNAP 0203
The Duty of Experience

REF Mentee Tasha being mentored by Rtn Willa Wong
As a Rotarian or a volunteer
experienced professional, what
value can we bring to a student?
What resources can we readily
provide? We can volunteer some
time. We can provide some money.
We can provide some exposure
through our network of contacts.
But most of all we can share our
experience. We can share
experience by role modeling noble
values with the aim of helping
students build character.

However, as we are not professional counselors or teachers, we are only able to
help students who have a desire to help themselves. This is not to say that those
students who do not possess this desire do not need help. But because we are
not trained professional counselors or teachers, we are not the right party to
provide help to such students.

The REF provides basic mentor training to volunteers and equip them with tools
to help students. Besides this and critically, regular mentor support group
meetings are held among mentors to share learnings and to surface challenges
which require the attention of more experienced mentors who can provide
possible solutions.

Through the process of mentoring, the REF provides a convenient platform to
bridge great and ready resources from volunteer professionals to eager young
students with great learning needs. We don’t teach students how to study but by
sharing experiences, we can teach them how to succeed through character
building. And so in the REF, we say that we can’t turn a weak student into a good
one but we can help a good student become a better one through the enabling

process called mentoring.

“We were once inexperienced.
We became experienced as a result of the experienced teaching us.
Now, it is our turn to teach the inexperienced so that in turn, they become
experienced. This is how we honour those who came before us,
by teaching those that come after us.”
REF

© RCBKS 2015

Sent: Monday, 18 May 2015

YMP-SNAP 0204
Mentoring is Serious Business

The mentee must enter the
relationship with the profound
humility of the novice seeking
wisdom, while the mentor must
enter with the even profounder
humility of the sage who knows
how truly little he or she knows.
When one teaches, two learn.

Mentoring is serious business. It
requires self-knowledge and
conviction. If you can’t do anything
except to just listen, you are
already a good mentor. But if you
are going to give advice, be careful.

Mentee Vaisnavi volunteering at the
Rotary Medical Camp in Port Klang, March 2015
You are handling a young and impressionable mind. Don’t take things too
lightly. You can do it, but know your limitations. Be mindful and be humble that
you may not have the answers. So listen first. It’s alright to say you will think
about it and get back. Then do your homework. Never be afraid to say, “I need
help”.


Khalil Gibran

© RCBKS 2015

Sent: Friday, 22 May 2015

YMP-SNAP 0205

It seems simple at first, the notion of
being a mentor: someone who spends
time with a young person. But once you
are in the mentor role, you may find
yourself in situations where you are
uncertain about your part in the
relationship. Is it appropriate to provide
discipline when she’s out of line? What
if I suspect he is experiencing trouble at
home—what is my responsibility? How
can I have the most positive impact on
my mentee?

PAUSE AND REFLECT: Clarifying your role as a mentor.

Ask yourself,

§ What role does the REF expect me to play as a mentor?

§ What role do I expect to play as a mentor?

§ What role do I think my mentee will expect me to play as a mentor?

§ What are some possible role conflicts and what do I think might be done
to resolve these conflicts?

© RCBKS 2015

Sent: Thursday, 5 June 2015

YMP-SNAP 0206

The role of a mentor is three fold. Help the mentee
discover who he is. Help the mentee “be the best he
can”, to reach his full potential. Finally, help the
mentee learn to take responsibility for his future.

It means,
potential

“The miracle power that elevates the few is to be found in their industry,
application, and perseverance,
Mark Twain

© RCBKS 2015

Sent: Friday, 12 June 2015

YMP-SNAP 0207
The REF Leadership Training Camp, 5-7 June 2015

Appreciating teamwork through the challenging
“picture counting” activity
It was a wonderful Friday morning as
the bus left Bukit Kiara Equestrian
Club at 8.45am, headed to Lembah
Azwen Resort at Hulu Langat for the
annual REF Leadership Training Camp
(or LTC). There were 32 excited
Mentees from RC Bukit Kiara Sunrise,
RC Pantai Valley, RC Temerloh and RC
West Pahang. The LTC was framed to
reinforce the Values Education
Workshop held in March 2015 and
also to give Mentees an insight into
the qualities of being an outstanding
leader, grounded on values and high
self-belief.

Helena Michael, Camp Lead Facilitator from HELP University, guided them
through the expectations and contributions, and assigned them into their groups
for the weekend. They went through an outdoor obstacle course that challenged
their self-belief and did an exercise on designing their personal coat-of-arms. The
next day, they jungle trekked and were then taken through a review of the work
they did from the Values Education Workshop. There were also team
performances at night, where Mentors were invited to be the audience.

On the final morning, the participants pulled together their experiences and
learnings and recorded them in their Camp Journals. They were also asked to
write a “Letter to Mentor” describing their “WOWs!” from the Camp and their
commitments to action.

© RCBKS 2015


Values Education
In today’s open society, there is a multitude
of both positive and negative influences. It is
impractical, if not impossible, to protect a
child from all the negative influences by
physically isolating him from them without
at the same time shutting out important
experiences and positive influences as well.
YMP-SNAP 0208

Yet the solution to this dilemma is to expose the child progressively to life but
at the same time build in him a strong value system. This is the only realistic
“protection” he can have from negative influences, while at the same time
enabling him to pick up positive influences too.

It can be very confusing at times, with the myriad of values one is supposed to
instill in a child. Fortunately, this process can be kept simple. The most
remember two things; give him plenty of love, and be a good example to him.
Teach your child noble values, largely by simply living them yourself.

Tenzin Gyatso

© RCBKS 2015


YMP-SNAP 0209
“be the best he can”, to reach his full potential.

At the heart of the self-discovery process is the understanding of what values
mean and discovering the values that are most important to you. Because
ultimately you are defined by the values you believe in, that’s who you are.
Don’t have any illusion that this is easy work. It’s a life time’s work. But you have
to make a start now.
opportunity for this to naturally occur. He does this by being a confidant, a
teacher, a role model, a friend, a nurturer of possibilities and most importantly,
by maintaining confidence in the mentee, constantly nurturing the mentee’s
belief in himself.

Richard Grant

© RCBKS 2015

Sent: Friday, 3 July 2015

YMP-SNAP 0210
“be the best he can”, to reach his full
potential. Finally, help the mentee learn to
take responsibility for his future.”


Benazir Bhutto

© RCBKS 2015

Sent: Friday, 10 July 2015


mentee discover who he is. Help the mentee be
the best he can, to reach his full potential.
YMP-SNAP 0211



© RCBKS 2015

Sent: Wednesday, 15 July 2015

YMP-SNAP 0212

Mentee Tasha at the Leadership Camp 2015
It is a main objective of the REF programmes
to help the mentee learn to take
responsibility for his future. This will
essentially involve an awakening for him.
What is this “awakening”? It is the discovery
that we are more than we think we are. It is
the realization that we have taken on an
identity that incorrectly or inadequately
expresses our essential being.

crystallize this awakening. Not by imposing but instead by patiently working,
through the magic of question*, with the mentee to help him realize his

“The object of education is to prepare the young
to educate themselves throughout their lives.”
Robert Maynard Hutchins

Wishing you …Selamat Hari Raya Aidil Fitri
and thank you for your support of the REF.

*Please see the next article YMP-SNAP 0213
© RCBKS 2015

Sent: Friday, 24July 2015

YMP-SNAP 0213
*The Magic of Question

Through an almost magical process
born of asking questions and listening,
the Socratic Method helps you discover
your inborn ability to create, think and
solve problems.

Something almost magical happens when someone asks us a question and then
truly listens to our reply. Like the proverbial key to a chest filled with incredible
riches, questions seem to unlock our brains, help us make connections, invent
new ideas, see an issue from different perspectives, and discover solutions to
problems that we never knew we knew! Because such knowledge comes from
within us, not from the outside world, it is truly “ours.” It quickly becomes part
of our conscious knowledge; it is not something that we have to “stuff in” to
our brains or cram in order to learn.

“Great mentors, unlike teachers, almost never provide answers. They rather
seek to provide their mentees with the questions which they believe will best
lead to the learning that is unique to the individual being mentored.”
J.E. Hughes

© RCBKS 2015

Sent: Friday, 31July 2015

YMP-SNAP 0214

The REF Values


a regard for others. Only by understanding that we are something greater than
our individual self and that through selflessness we can access all of humanity,
will we be able to unlock what we are fully capable of – our full potential. Then,
will we be able to lead a complete, useful and fulfilling life.

“Love Others as Your Self” and “Service Above Self”,
are called noble values. Hence in the REF, students
are taught to embrace noble values; not just in
order to create a better life for themselves but to
create a better life for all – a better world.

© RCBKS 2015

Sent: Friday, 7 August 2015

YMP-SNAP 0215
Friends who Care

Sometimes we don't realise how
lucky we are to have the friends we
have. Even with imperfections and
all, they are good friends. Good
relationships are the basis of our
happiness. Relationships and
experiences often define us. We need
to enter each one of them equipped
with noble values so that we come
out of them emotionally well
adjusted.

One day in June, the writer (ctr) warts and all, with two dedicated
Rotarians and REF Mentors Willa and Edmund in Kota Kinabalu,
hoping to do some trekking until the earthquake preceded us.

We may be from a different place and a different time but deep inside, we are
the same. Appearances may change but values are shared and permanent. In
the well-being of all we find our own complete well-being. Caring, sharing,
helping, giving, and even sacrificing ... are values that convey connectedness
and actions that ultimately bring real happiness to one's life.

Unless we open our hearts, our eyes may not see how much we care.

Caring is rooted in compassion. Show your mentee, through your caring, how a
relationship based on the 5 REF Values of honesty, responsibility, self-belief,
humility and compassion will lead to success and a meaningful life.

© RCBKS 2015


YMP-SNAP 0216

Begin with the End in Mind
If you want to go somewhere you must
have the outline planned. You don't
need every single detail because you
can’t see into the future. Simply think
beyond today and decide what
direction you want to take, so that each
step you take is always in the right
direction.
New REF Awardee Francis Ng Zhi Wei taking the
awardee pledge at the Rotary Club meeting

Great mentors prepare the way for the ending of the relationship in the same
way that great chess masters are always looking three to four moves ahead.
For the mentee this process is often transparent and should be, if the ongoing
learning process is not to be interrupted before its proper conclusion.
Acknowledging the transitory nature of this relationship at the beginning gives
the greatest promise for its successful conclusion. Mentorship requires that
both parties begin by agreeing on how it will end.

“If you don’t know where you are going, than you probably won’t get there.”
– Forrest Gump
© RCBKS 2015


YMP-SNAP 0217
What is a Role Model?

The term role model is considered in the
widest sense from an individual simply
“perceived as exemplary, or worthy of
imitation”, to the inspirer “through
personal contact” and “relationship”. Thus,
mentors are seen as one type of role
model, and mentoring programs are
subsumed under the broader category of
role model programs.

Who can be a role model?
Young people perceive a range of individuals as potential role models, including
celebrities and other famous people, family members, adult community
members, teachers and peers. They may see different groups as role models in
different kinds of ways.

As an REF mentor, be keenly aware that you are also privileged to be a role
model and that you should not only share noble values with your mentee but
live them as well. Remember that your behavior and actions are constantly
being observed by your mentee. Let it not be like “a crab teaching its young to
walk straight.” It has been said; “the mediocre teacher tells, the good teacher
explains, the superior teacher demonstrates but the great teacher inspires.”

“There is no teaching to compare with example.”
Sir Robert Baden-Powell

© RCBKS 2015


YMP-SNAP 0218
Instilling the Spirit of
Volunteerism

One of the objectives of the REF is to help
create awareness among our Awardees
(mentees) that we live in an
interdependent world and that we should
be helping others too. Thinking beyond self.

Additionally, an interdependent world does not only mean helping other fellow
human beings in need but also ensuring that our environment is clean and
sustainable for future generations to come and in doing so, making our world a
better one in which to live. To this end and to instill the spirit of volunteerism,
whenever the opportunity arises, we encourage our Awardees to come for
some of the community service projects we organize as a Rotary club, to give
them this exposure and appreciation. It is not compulsory, but it is an
important part of our education assistance to them.


“How can we expect our children to know and experience the joy of giving
unless we teach them that the greater pleasure in life lies in the art of giving
rather than receiving?”
James Cash Penney

© RCBKS 2015

Sent: Friday, 2 Sep 2015

YMP-SNAP 0219
Many relationships between mentors and
mentees fall under Community-Based
mentoring programs. These are one-to-
one outings and activities, doing things
they enjoy together, like:
2. Going to museum
Some mentors meet their mentees on the weekends. Others get together with
their mentees in the evenings. Each match is unique and develops a schedule
that works for them.
less likely to drop out, abuse drugs or commit crimes. In fact, the success of
children enrolled in student mentoring programme is proven in a number of
studies.

© RCBKS 2015


YMP-SNAP 0220
Who am I?

The ancient Greeks said that you should "know thyself". Some of us think we
know who we want to be. Yet who you are is not about becoming someone else.
Becoming "the best you can be", is a process of slowly peeling away who you
are not and eventually revealing who you really are, your true self. Be ready that
this journey of self discovery may take a lifetime.

"When a block is carved, it becomes useful."
Lao Tzu

© RCBKS 2015


YMP-SNAP 0221
The Power of Courtesy

No one is obliged to be kind to you.
Never forget manners when
someone extends you a helping
hand. You may not be in a position to
return the favour or kindness at that
instant, yet you can always extend
courtesy. To the kind and true giver,
it's already more then he expects.
Nothing is ever lost by courtesy. It is
the cheapest of pleasures and
conveys much.

Have the self confidence to extend it. Life is short but there is always enough
time for courtesy.

Power comes from being in high service to others, in being friendly, and in
demonstrating courtesy. This creates willing followers who appreciate the help
that has been given. The person who leads with courteous, friendly, and helpful
behavior is the one others value.

"Courtesy ... Don't let your predicament rob you of even that
which empowers you."

© RCBKS 2015

Sent: Friday, 7 Oct 2015

YMP-SNAP 0222
The Secret to Great Relationships
- Commit to Communicate

Treasure your relationships with
good people. But even such
relationships may sometimes face
challenges. Let us promise never to
lose our good friendship because
of a misunderstanding. Commit to
maintaining communication come
what may, because good
relationships are often forged out
of tribulation.

More so when even noble intentions can sometimes be misunderstood,
especially when we ourselves can be judgmental. As long as we maintain
communication, even the biggest problem can be solved. Often all that's needed
are some time and some space. But if we choose to break communication, then
even the smallest problem cannot be solved. Believe in communicating because
it will improve your relationships and it could also save you from making a big
mistake.

"Between what is said and not meant
and what is meant and not said, most of love is lost."
Khalil Gibran

© RCBKS 2015

Sent: Friday, 23 Oct 2015

YMP-SNAP 0223
Co-Mentoring and the Importance of Alignment

The REF mentoring system is one
that requires mentors to be paired,
i.e. a “co-mentoring” system.
Generally an experienced mentor
is paired with a new or less
experienced mentor. The reasons
for having a co-mentoring system
are:
§ Better safety and security
when mentors have to visit
challenging neighbourhoods
§ Opportunity to compare notes, providing mutual feedback to improve
mentoring quality
§ Availability of a back-up in case one is not available
§ Presence of a witness in case of unfair or wrongful accusations by mentee
§ It makes for a more interesting experience than going alone

While there are many advantages, the biggest risk in co-mentoring occurs when
both mentors are not communicating well with one another, leading to
ineffectiveness. This results in the mentee receiving conflicting signals and mixed
messages. To overcome this issue, the concept of goal and strategy alignment is
important. Meet regularly (without the mentee) and agree between mentors
what the emphasis and the results of the mentoring ought to be and be keenly
aware that the process may go off track due to lack of coordination. Because of
this, it is important to set the goals and strategies clearly and explicitly as early
on as possible, so that miscommunication between mentors (and the mentee)
can be minimized, if not altogether eliminated. Step back once in a while and do
a “reality check” by asking, “Are we meeting the objectives that we set for
ourselves in the beginning?” And if not, ask, “why not?”

© RCBKS 2015

Sent: Wednesday, 28 Oct 2015

YMP-SNAP 0224
Mentorship Planning and Review Meetings

The mentoring meeting must be
well planned in advance and
reviewed after. As discussed in the
last issue, co-mentoring has with it
elements of complexity and
associated risks that are unique.
Chief among the complexities is the
possible misalignment of goals
between mentors. Besides this risk,
mentors also bring with them
differing strengths and weaknesses
that need to be identified and
managed carefully.

So it is important for co-mentors to meet regularly to evaluate and coordinate
their efforts, before (and after) the meetings with the mentee. Here are some
questions that need to be considered in the planning and review meetings.
Assess:
§ Where you are now vis-à-vis the mentorship of the student?
§ Are you heading in the right direction?
§ What are your shared goals?
§ Are both of you aligned in your goals and expectations of the mentorship?
§ What are your strengths and weaknesses?
§ What role should you play based on the individual strengths you can offer?
§ Regarding your weaknesses, what are potential risk areas in relation to the
mentoring process?

When co-mentors are mindful and deliberate about coordinating their efforts,
co-mentoring can bring a lot of inherent advantages to the mentorship of the
student.

© RCBKS 2015

Sent: Friday, 6 Nov 2015

YMP-SNAP 0225
Millennials

An article by Rotarian Kenneth Leow
of the Rotary Club of Bugis Junction,
Singapore RID 3310

I shared the stage with a 22 year
old bright young man to co-
present on the topic “Bridging the
gap between Millennials and
Management” recently. I’ve learnt
many lessons from him on the
thinking of the young today. Here
are some “gems”.
1. Impact – Ability to Contribute. Millennials love to know what they do
matters. They also want to know the “why’s” of things. Yet too many of us
manage them by telling them the “what’s” & “how’s”. So if you want to
retain them, always explain the why’s first.

2. Learning – Opportunity to Learn & Grow. Most of us think that company
training programs are sufficient for them. No! Millennials mostly want to
learn informally through your coaching, mentoring and especially the
experiences of others.

3. Family – Be part of a Family & Mission. Your company must make them feel
that they are part of an extended family. There’s no work-life. Just life for
them. They strive on transparency. So office politics really frustrates them
because information sharing is stifled.

A Deloitte study showed that in 10 years time, 75 percent of the worldwide
workforce will be Millennials (people now in their twenties and early 30s). So,
like it or not they are here to stay. Learn to manage them well.

© RCBKS 2015

Sent: Friday, 13 Nov 2015

YMP-SNAP 0226
From Conceptualisation to Realisation
- Confessions of a Mentor

When I first became a mentor, I
thought and conceptualised mentoring
as, "what I can teach the mentee".
Now, six years on and somewhat
wiser, I look at it as, "what I can learn
from the mentee". It’s quite a u-turn
and an eye-opener. I have come to
realise mentoring as a part of my own
growth, as part of my life-long journey
of self-discovery and learning how to
be a better person.

Now I realise that the mentee's goals and my personal goals as a mentor, are in
fact one and the same! And that is, to discover myself as a person and to be the
best I can be. With this realisation, I found humility, improved communication
with the mentee and ultimately, and most important of all, I believe I have
earned the trust of the mentee.

Truly, as mentor and mentee, we are in the mentorship to grow together.


Ref mentoring snapshot log 7

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