Script feedback
- 1. What you did well What could be better - Good range of camera shotsand angles - Give flashesof the incidentwheneverMadelineholdsthe doll at variouspointsthroughoutthe narrative. Flashescan show glintof the knife;bloodiedoutfit;partof a victim’s face in horror, the bloodsplatteronthe doll etc. you could have a match on match shotof Madeline’seyesopenand thenas theyclose itfadesintoa pull outshot of the dolls eyes. Thiswouldcreate anarrative connectionbetween the doll and Madeline andtherefore encodethe doll as Madeline. - I like the narrative – not toomany characters andtwists and turns – suitable for a 5- minute project,yet challengingenough for A levels. - You needtobuildinmore actionof charactersespecially whenyou’re showingvulnerability - You needtothinkabouthow youare creatingpace in the flashbacksandhow youwant to create tensionandan emotional connectionbetweenMadeline andthe audience. - You needtobuildupsome formof a relationshipwiththe new sister. - You needtoadd some dialogue of the parentstalkingabout the new child – possiblycommentingonhow differentit will be tohave a child withnopsychological needs (possibly) sothatyoubuilda negative emotionbetween the new siblingsbeforetheyhave metandthiswouldalso create binaryoppositions. Maybe have Madeline inthe room nextdoorpeekingthroughthe crackof the door.This wouldcreate more tension,developthe genre iconography and provide more detail intoadditionof the new sibling. - Scriptformat is almostcorrect. - Title Page needed (see page 2 of feedback) - Courier font and size12 - Page Numbers should be in the header and on the right, abouta half-inchfromthe topof the page,and followed by a full stop. - First line of your script should be FADE IN, typed all upper case, flush left, followed by a colon, on a line all by itself. - Int/Ext to be by the left margin and should include the scene heading (title) - Take out the camera work and sound codes (this will be annotated by hand later) - Single line pacing needed between all work - Any audio (breathing heavily etc) needs to written in the form of dialogue as it’s sound from the character - When Madeline is on the table there would be some soundsfromherto show she isscared – thisisn’t written in - Don’t include the heading ‘dialogue’ - End with The End. This needs to be in the centre of the page.
- 2. This goes on the first page in the centre. This is detailed with the action happening and with editing. You can see the build-up of action and the movement of the character. Notice how the character is identified in capitals within the movement. Here you notice how the action has been separated by the inserted camera work (the space is needed but without the camera work)