The importance of interpersonal skills 1
- 1. Institute of Lifelong Learning The importance of Interpersonal Skills
- 2. Introduction Much of what is most important about management is interpersonal, how we deal with others. Awareness of our own and others’ interpersonal skills can help us enormously in dealing with the work tasks we are responsible for.
- 3. Learning Outcomes After studying this presentation you should be able to: • recognise the importance of interpersonal skills • describe how good communication with other can influence our working relationships • outline the roles we play in our work groups and teams
- 4. 1 Communication The basis of good communication seems very simple, it is speaking or writing clearly such that any message you (the sender) intend to send to someone else (the receiver) is exactly the one which they receive. This means that as well as the detailed content of the message, we have to give some thought to the language we use e.g. ask ourselves if the receiving person might misunderstand any words or phrases we use. We must also be aware of the way we deliver the message – what's known as the medium – e.g. can the message be conveyed by phone or email or does it require a face-to-face meeting with the receiving person?
- 5. Yet even when we have thought carefully about these things, achieving successful communication is often rather more difficult than it seems. This is partly because any single message, especially one of many sent and received during a busy working day, can be subject to distractions such as external noises or our thoughts dwelling on other matters. As a result, the sender may not be concentrating fully on the message they are trying to send and the receiver may not be concentrating on the message they are being given.
- 6. Figure 1: The communication process and distractions
- 7. What can you see? You can see that the individuals in the picture are being distracted both by external noises and their responses to them, and by other tasks they intend to do next. It seems unlikely then in this situation that the received message will end up being the same as the intended message. When we are sending messages to others, we need to check how effective our communication process has been by being open to feedback. In other words, we need to check whether the receiving person's understanding of the message is the same as ours. In face-to-face meetings we could start by observing the facial expressions or body language of the receiver. We could also check whether the receiver has any questions. In written or email communications we could end by including our phone number ‘for further details or questions’.
- 8. Listening… In terms of your own communication skills, it is important to give just as much of your attention to a message you are receiving as to one you are giving. Listening, for example, as well as being a method for gathering information, can convey your interest in what the other person is concerned with. This in itself can have a positive effect on your relationship with them and, if you are their manager, their motivation. Asking questions for clarification of the detail of the message can also convey that you have understood the message and that you want to respond to it appropriately.
- 9. 2 Relationships In reality, a message like the one just referred to above is just one of many which forms part of the ongoing relationships we have with the people we work with. How we get on with each other can have a huge impact on the interpretation of a given message, and the subsequent effects that might have on their motivation or morale.
- 10. Eric Berne’s Framework The next idea we will introduce is a framework for assessing how relationships are established and evolve, based on the states of mind of those involved in it. It is rooted in the work of psychologist, Eric Berne, from an idea proposed in the mid- 1960s. Berne (1966) argued that everyone goes through shifting states of mind – or ‘ego states’ as he called them –based on the circumstances they find themselves in and the responses they have developed over time to these circumstances. There are three basic ego states: parent, adult and child.
- 11. 1. Parent state: As the name suggests, is associated with the typical behaviour of a parent towards their children. This could be authoritarian, prescribing or admonishing as in ‘Don't do that’, ‘Do it this way’ or ‘That's wrong’ – which might be described as a critical parent state. Alternatively, it could be sympathetic, protective or cosseting, which might be described as a nurturing parent state.
- 12. 2. Adult state: Associated with calm, rational, objective behaviour where the individual focuses on gaining better factual understanding of a situation. Someone in this state of mind will tend to ask questions and check their understanding with the other people they are communicating with. They will come across as thoughtful, enquiring and balanced.
- 13. 3. Child state: Associated with a variety of behaviours which might be thought to be childlike. This time there are three possible types of child state: free child state, which is associated with creativity, spontaneity and fun; rebellious child state, which is associated with hostility, defiance and argument; and adapted child state, which tends to involve displays of compliance, but can also lead to a more instrumental approach to getting a reward.
- 14. It may be easy to jump to the conclusion that some of these states of mind are right and others are wrong, but this was not Berne's intention. The main messages of his work are that: • At any given time each of us is in one or other of the states of mind outlined. Sometimes the shift from one state to another can be very rapid. • One person will tend to respond to another's state of mind. For example, if a manager approaches a member of staff in a critical parent mode, the staff member will tend to adopt a child state of mind, becoming perhaps defensive, dependent or argumentative. • Awareness of both our state of mind and the other person's can help to achieve more effective communication and to develop more positive relationships.