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Successful Marriage
Preparation
© 2002 International Educational Foundation
IEF is responsible for the content of this presentation only
if it has not been altered from the original.

© IEF 1
Loving Relationships &
Family Are a Basic Life
Goal

© IEF 2
Personal Benefits of
Marriage
 Longer life
 Health
 Happiness
 Inner growth

© IEF 3
Personal Benefits of
Marriage
 Wealth
 Resilience
 Productivity

© IEF 4
Best Environment for
Children

“A nuclear family of father, mother and
their children …is still today a child’s
best guarantee for success.”
Brigitte Berger, Sociologist

© IEF 5
“I would gladly give
up my millions for
one marital success.”
J. Paul Getty

© IEF 6
Are They
Balanced?

Career
Preparatio
n

Marriage
Preparation
© IEF 7
Real Success
Means
Good Families
 Rated most
important source
of satisfaction
Source: Columbia University &
National Institutes of
Health

 Requires
commitment and

© IEF 8
Marriage
Education
Popular
Worldwide
 High school
and
university
classes
 Mandated by
law
© IEF 9
Marriage
Education &
Character
Education
Preparation for lasting
love —
Rationale for
adolescents to develop
their character

© IEF 10
Strongly Desired
 78% of teenagers
consider marriage and
family very important
Source: 1995 Survey, Institute for Social
Research, University of Michigan

© IEF 11
“For one human being to love
another: That is perhaps the
most difficult of all our tasks…”
Rainer Maria Rilke

© IEF 12
Value of Integrity
 Basis of keeping
marriage
commitments
 Foundation for
self–confidence

© IEF 13
Integrity
 Clear moral
values
 Living up to
them
 Self-discipline
© IEF 14
Personal
Development
 Cultivating
interests and
talents
 Building selfrespect
 Managing one’s
feelings
 Fostering peace
with oneself
© IEF 15
Take Personal
Responsibility
 For one’s circumstances
 For one’s strengths
and weaknesses

© IEF 16
“The most important characteristic
of a marriageable person is the
habit of happiness.”
Judd and Mary Landis,
Building a Successful
Marriage

© IEF 17
Respect for
Parents

Emulating parents’ strength
 Adopting their good values

© IEF 18
Learn from Parents
About the Opposite
Sex

 Seeking advice concerning a
mate

© IEF 19
Value of
Abstinence
 Supports
personal
development
 Protects
against
physical,
mental
and relational
risks
 Context for © IEF 20
Honor Sexual
Boundaries
usal
Aro
xual
Se
Male Female
Beginnin
Genital Genital
g

Peak

Relatio
nship
change
s

Mutual Sexual
Hand SimpleProlonged
Necking Petting Sex Play
Holding Kiss
Intercour
Kiss

se

© IEF 21
Sexual Desire & Self–
Control
Sexual Desires

Sexual Activity

Normal & healthy

Controlling it is
normal & healthy

© IEF 22
Support Abstinence
through
Media Discernment
 Recognize
profit motive
 Check against
reality

© IEF 23
Make the
Commitment
to Abstinence

© IEF 24
Relational
Resources
 Healthy
friendships
 Conflict resolution
skills
 Service

© IEF 25
Healthy Friendships
Reduce Love Problems
Unhealthy attachments

Poor relationships
with elders and peers
© IEF 26
Invest in Friendships
Over Time

 Regular shared
activity
and conversation

© IEF 27
Same Gender Friends

© IEF 28
Opposite Gender
Friends
 Relating with
modesty and
respect

© IEF 29
Lasting Love – Art to Be
Learned

Requires
virtues,
insights and

© IEF 30
Knowledge
 Insight into love
 Information about
marriage

© IEF 31
Insight Into Love
Love is an active verb
 Not just a state
or feeling

© IEF 32
Discerning True Love
True Love

Infatuation

 Internal
focus
 Deepened
by conflicts
&
separation
 Productive

 External
focus
 Weakened
by conflicts
&
separation
 Distracting

© IEF 33
“Falling In Love”
Overvalued by Popular
Culture
Romance by
itself – Not
enough to sustain
marriages and
families
© IEF 34
Value of Information
About Marriage
 Comprehend
marriage
commitment
 Anticipate
challenges and
rewards
© IEF 35
Recognize
Components of
Relationships
 Compatibil
ity
 Commitme
nt
 Intimacy
 Passion

© IEF 36
Anticipate Phases of
Marriage
1. Infatuation
2. Conflict
3. Recommitment and
cooperation
4. Creativity and
service
© IEF 37
Learn Good
Communication

 Listening and speaking
effectively

© IEF 38
Value of
Conflict Resolution Skills
Marriage is stressful
 Destroyed by
unresolved conflicts

© IEF 39
Avoid Relationship
Poisons
1. Criticism
2. Contempt
3.
Defensivenes
s
4.
Stonewalling

© IEF 40
Foster Reconciliation
 Make amends
 Practice
forgiveness
 Find gratitude

© IEF 41
Servic
e
Broadens
the
experience
of giving

© IEF 42
Lessons of
Service
 Love requires effort
 To give is to receive

© IEF 43
Strengthen Relationships
through Service

 Value of higher
purpose

© IEF 44
Selecting a Marriage
Partner
Less Successful
—
Focus on
Outer Traits
 Attractiveness

More
Successful —
Focus on
Inner Traits
 Character

 Wealth

 Beliefs

 Status

 Ability to love
© IEF 45
Qualities Most
Valued by
Those Seeking
Partners
 Physical
attractiveness
 Economic potential
 Status
© IEF 46
Qualities Most
Valued by
Married Couples
Caring
Honesty
Trust
Fidelity
Commitment
Willingness to
sacrifice
 Sense of humor







© IEF 47
To Find a Good Marriage
Prospect — Become One
Yourself
“To be loved, be lovable.”
Ovid

© IEF 48
Character —
Foundation for Strong
Marriage

© IEF 49
Marriage
Preparation
Education Has
Benefits
 Individual
happiness
 Family stability
 National strength
© IEF 50
© IEF 51

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TIMD- Philosophy 6

Editor's Notes

  • #8: Best of the 20th Century
  • #9: Worst of the 20th Century
  • #10: Strongest Influences on Students 1950 1.Home 2.School 3.Church 4.Peers 5.TV 1990 1.Peers 2.TV 3.Home 4.School 5.Church Source:Michigan State University study, 1990
  • #11: Government Spending & Social Problems (U.S. from 1960Ð1990) 500% increase in spending on social problems ¥Violent crime rose 500% ¥Births outside marriage rose 400% ¥Divorce rose 400% ¥Children living in single parent homes rose 300% ¥Teenage suicides rose 200% Source:William Bennett, speech ÒSearch for A New World CultureÓ to conference, Washington, D.C., Apr 23, 1997
  • #14: Characteristics of ÒNon-DirectiveÓ Education 1.Emphasizes feelings and process over knowledge and content 2.Promotes self-determined standards and choices 3.Teacher as facilitator of studentsÕ personal choice
  • #15: Characteristics of ÒNon-DirectiveÓ Education 4.Rejects the authority of traditional moral teaching 5. Undermines the parentsÕ role in education
  • #16: Early Appeal of Non-Directive Education 1.Used interactive methodology 2.Supported by the science of its time 3.Coincided with the loss of confidence in traditional values 4.Seemed to promote tolerance
  • #17: Limitations of Values Clarification 1.Does not teach standards of right and wrong ¥No moral basis upon which to make wise choices 2.Encourages mediocrity and lack of commitment 3.Does not build good character
  • #18: Myths 1. Self-esteem is a right 2. Self-esteem prevents moral and social problems 3. Self-esteem must be protected from guilt
  • #19: Theorists of School Reform Later Disavow Non-Directive Education Declared their methods inappropriate for children and classrooms Source:William Kilpatrick, Why Johnny CanÕt Tell Right from Wrong, 1992
  • #20: U.S. Policy Recognizes Limitations of Non-Directive Methods Rejects Òopen-ended decision-making, values clarification and therapeuticÉ strategiesÓ in drug abuse education Source:U.S. Dept. of Education guidelines for drug prevention education, 1988 Mandates federal funding for directive abstinence-oriented sex education Source:Act of Congress, 1996
  • #21: Attempt to Foster Moral Development Ð The ÒMoral ReasoningÓ Approach Strengths Recognizes hierarchy of values & moral development Limitations 1.Tends to equate moral character with rationality 2.Neglects cultivation of moral feeling and will
  • #22: Why Moral & Ethical Education Was Neglected 1.Rise of moral relativism ¥All values subjective 2.Increasing pluralism ¥Unclear whose values should be taught 3.Confusion that teaching values was promoting religion
  • #24: Moral & Ethical Education Recognizes Universal Values
  • #25: Criteria for Universal Values 1.Objective benefits for individuals and society 2.Universal validity ¥Reversibility Ð Is good if another does it to oneself ¥Generalizability Ð Is good if everyone does it 3.Compelling to the conscience 4.Transcending cultures
  • #26: Ethics Ð Balance of Love & Rules Love Seeks harmony Compassionate Forgiving Rules Regulatory Fair Uncompromising
  • #27: Morals Goal — Loving Relationships & Family Strong marriages Effective parenting Ethical practice living for higher purpose
  • #28: Mastery Involves Morality & Ethics
  • #29: Education for Mastery 1.Academic education 2.Technical education 3.Physical education
  • #30: Mastery Involves Concern for the Environment
  • #31: Family in Crisis ¥Spouse and child abuse ¥Infidelity ¥Divorce
  • #32: Priority of Moral & Ethical Education
  • #33: Part 3. What Is a Balanced Education?
  • #34: Goals of Education 1.Mature character 2.Ethical & loving relationships 3.Productive citizens
  • #35: Romance by itself Insufficient foundation for the enduring love needed to sustain marriages and families
  • #36: Good Character Inner disposition conducive to right conduct ¥Attitudes and habits ¥For the purpose of loving
  • #37: Heart Ð Core of Character Pursues true love
  • #38: Cultivation of Heart 1.Cultivation of moral feeling ¥Empathy ¥Loving motivation ¥Love of goodness 2.Learning through experiences of love ¥Gaining the capacity to love through family life 3.Training in good character ¥Develop self-control ¥Strengthen the conscience 4.Internalizing moral standards 5.Valuing people and respecting things
  • #39: Moral Goal —Creating a Prosperous Society Technical mastery Community service Concern for the environment
  • #40: Third Goal of Education Productive Citizens
  • #41: Balanced Education Conventional Education Individualized
  • #42: Home, School & School Ð Partners in Education
  • #43: Dear Teacher, I am a survivor of a concentration camp. My eyes saw what no man should witness: gas chambers built by learned engineers, children poisoned by learned physicians, infants killed by trained nurses, women and babies shot and burned by high school and college graduates. So, I am suspicious of education.
  • #44: My request is: Help your students become human. Your efforts must never produce learned monsters, skilled psychopaths, educated Eichmanns. Reading, writing, arithmetic are important only if they serve to make our children more human.
  • #46: 1960s Ð Breakdown of Traditional Values 1.Decline of adult moral authority 2.Rise of selfish individualism and moral relativism
  • #47: What Is the Crisis in American Education?
  • #48: Traditional Role of Education 1.Passing on knowledge and cultural values 2.Teaching moral standards and social responsibilities 3.Preparing good citizens
  • #49: Explosion of Destructive Youth Behavior Since 1940s 1940s School Problems 1.Talking out of turn 2.Chewing gum 3.Making noise 4.Running indoors 5.Getting out of line 6.Improper clothing 7.Littering 1990s School Problems 1.Drug abuse 2.Alcohol abuse 3.Pregnancy 4.Suicide 5.Rape 6.Robbery 7.Assault Source:William J. Bennett et al., Index of Leading Cultural indicators, Empower America, Mar. 1993
  • #50: U.S. Education Ð Founded with Moral Purposes Morality and knowledge considered essential to a good society 1.Schools actively promoted good character and citizenship 2.Earliest universities Ð Established by religious organizations ¥Harvard ¥Yale ¥Georgetown