Understand what you really want
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The document discusses how focusing too much on future goals and plans can distract from living fully in the present moment. It recommends letting go of future thinking in order to understand what you truly want now. Living according to your core values and having a vision anchored in the present, rather than distant future plans, allows you to appreciate the current moment and the people in your life.
Understand what you really want
- 1. U N D E R S T A N D W H A T Y O U R E A L L Y W A N T
- 2. Most of my clients are accomplished managers with a lot of business expertise, yet I hear many times regrets related to their past, something like “I wish I could have done this first…’’ or ‘’ if I knew more about this…I would do that instead’’. The big paradox here is that I like you here and NOW, when I work with you in your present, I feel more attracted to who you are with me, less to things that happened in your past or can happen in your future. The simple conclusion here is that a well-lived present in your life creates a promising future. Of course there is a pressure that you put on daily activities, maybe too much, unless you are becoming deeply committed, and feel this pressure less. I learned one thing in business school, that there are no facts about the future! So when you feel this, you are more human, accepting what is NOW. One big result is that instead of pushing on projects, you start focusing more on people and that makes you more appreciative with them.
- 3. S o t o r e c a p , i n o r d e r t o b e a b l e t o u n d e r s t a n d w h a t w e w a n t i n o u r p r e s e n t m o m e n t , i t i s g o o d t o l e t g o o f o u r f u t u r e t h i n k i n g . I m a y g i v e y o u s o m e s h o r t t i p s a b o u t h o w t o a c h i e v e t h i s !
- 4. I remember when I wanted to build a house in Florida, as a perfect place for my retirement and also a half-year place to spend my sunny days. Nothing wrong with this, if I would have the money for it :) Notice how easy I become a guy who projects his entire life in the future? What happens is that I start spending my time looking for locations, calculating the construction costs, and all kind of other things that sooner eat a good part of my current time. So keeping this fantasy can heavily influence my present projects which may get the second place in importance.
- 5. I meet clients who feel guilty about the time they spend in the office or on the road, instead of being with their families. So when I probe this and ask how is home for them, many times the answer is: well I start thinking about work and open my laptop :) Back to what they really want, my follow-up is simple… so how can you be different? And yes it may be as simple as: ‘’I will focus entirely on my family when home, no interference with work.” It happened to me back in 2006, when a colleague asked me this in my first coaching course, I realized that all my projects couldn’t be as important as my daughter and wife.
- 6. Plans can be good if you are not using them for everything and more likely for things that have a big degree of uncertainty. Heck, business is not linear these days, if you add your expectations and stir some strong emotions like: ‘’my life depends on that…’’ you may end-up chasing a ghost. So I know that some of you feel naked without a plan, you can stick to a generous vision and sketch some lines, I guess the more important part is the intention you place and follow!
- 7. We live in fast-paced times and many of our skills become obsolete fast, so if we want to stay aligned we may look for help from mentors. I had a few in my career, I can recognize one of my previous bosses in corporate sales, my first coaching mentor, my blogging one and most recently a marketing and social media person. How do I choose them? I like people who are happy and like themselves and will not have one obsessive goal to achieve. In other words, I can work with somebody who accepts how he is and will share this with me NOW.
- 8. There are many activities that create pleasure and nice outcomes for you. Take a moment and focus on the most exceptional moment from your career, or education, and enter in that state for a while. What is the feeling of being so good? Where do you feel that in your body? What is the temperature here? What is that telling you about you? Whatever the answer is, continue asking what does it mean for me, the answers you write down and maybe some of your main values.
- 9. It is unlikely to name them without this little exercise, called Peak Performance. When you become aware of those main values, start checking them in your present, how you are aligned to them, if you are not... well take some action, chances are that you may feel bad about that. You are now in touch with your values, so it is time to move on and design your vision. It may sound very pompous, but it’s actually pretty simple and practical if you connect it with your present being. Some clarification about it: you can aim towards or just admire it like a picture, but with no significant charge. Your purpose is personal, related to you and what happened in your past, so it affects you more, but is far more powerful. The vision is like an expectation that may occur sooner or later; a clear manifestation of it may be a goal that you set to achieve.
- 10. Back to Vision, the best ones are anchored in the NOW, meaning that they start in the present. The best example is to look on online market, this is a trend that you can easily see yourself involved with. It is your personal vision, so make an extension of your activity starting form now towards a future you in the new situation. Ideally you may have some hard facts (data) to make it more realistic for you.
- 11. Being an extension of your activity, it is hard to chase something that is out of your reach. One example is, for instance, when I gave up the vision of being a public speaker in a motivational sense and I linked my current activity in organizations with executive coaching and I got a more realistic vision, and more invitations to speak on that topic!
- 12. I know that may sound weird coming from a coach, but they are too much future-based, they may carry significant charges from our past, so, in simple words, you don’t need them! For me being true to how I am NOW is enough, my good friend and mentor Alan Seale is assuring me: ‘’Serban you will resonate with people that will like you, and some will not, and that’s just fine!
- 13. This is subtler, you can be easily overstressed by an audacious vision that you may feel the need to be empowered by, but this is not good, much better to get involved with people and enjoy it. Emotionally, you will be enough and will not push against projects’ achievement.
- 14. If you find this useful and want more, get in touch with me and book a complimentary session. With all my love: Serban Chinole, CPC WWW.SERBANCHINOLE.RO