Understanding and Managing Conflict DynamicsSpte 17 2011
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This document discusses various types and sources of conflict. It begins by defining a conflict as a disagreement that involves a perceived threat to one's needs, interests, or concerns. People's perceptions of conflicts are shaped by their values, culture, beliefs and experiences. The document then describes different types of conflicts, including institutional, ideological, personal, and distributional conflicts. It also discusses positive and negative aspects of conflicts, and how an organization's approach to conflicts can impact its ability to change. The document provides an overview of different conflict resolution styles like compromising, collaborating, competing, accommodating and avoiding. It emphasizes the importance of meeting people's needs, expectations and interests in resolving conflicts effectively.
![ Format for “I” Statements
“When [the facts or event] happened,
I thought/noticed/assumed/made up [your
interpretation of the event].
I messages don’t resolve the conflict but it
recognizes that both parties are involved.
Letting go of the concept of fault, frees up
both participants to be involved and invested
in finding solutions.
copyright 2013
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Understanding and Managing Conflict DynamicsSpte 17 2011
- 1. Dr. Karyn Trader-Leigh, KTA Global Partners, LLC www.ktaglobalpartners.com
- 2. Role play a situation between 2 neighbors, one had grown beautiful flowers, and the other had a dog that destroyed them, copyright 2013 ktaglobalpartners,llc
- 3. a disagreement through which the parties involved perceive a threat to their needs, interests or concerns. copyright 2013 ktaglobalpartners,llc
- 4. A conflict is more than a mere disagreement - it is a situation in which people perceive a threat (physical, emotional, power, status, etc.) to their well-being. People in conflicts tend to respond on the basis of their perceptions of the situation, rather than an objective review of it. People filter their perceptions (and reactions) through their values, culture, beliefs, information, experience, gender, and other factors. copyright 2013 ktaglobalpartners,llc
- 5. Institutional Conflicts: Institutional sources of conflict deal with the conflicting roles of people with in the organization. Ideological Conflicts: Conflicts that arise out of different world views. E.g. Baptists vs. Catholic or Christian vs. Islam Personal Conflicts: Tensions between two persons based on differences in personal preferences, ideas and needs. copyright 2013 ktaglobalpartners,llc
- 6. Distributional Conflicts: Conflicts over who gets what and how much they get(e.g.) budget, staff, office space, salary increases). If there is not enough to satisfy everyone this is a win-lose conflict. copyright 2013 ktaglobalpartners,llc
- 7. What are some key sources of conflict in your workplace? What are positive aspects of conflict? What are negative aspects of conflict? copyright 2013 ktaglobalpartners,llc
- 8. It is important to recognize that there is a strong relationship between conflict and organization change. The way in which disagreements are addressed has implications for change. If an organizations style is conflict avoidance, it will be easier to continue with existing ways of doing things rather than dealing with the disruption and change in order in the organization for the sake of keeping peace. copyright 2013 ktaglobalpartners,llc
- 9. Compromising is an approach to conflict in which people gain and give in a series of tradeoffs. While satisfactory, compromise is generally not satisfying. We each remain shaped by our individual perceptions of our needs and don't necessarily understand the other side very well. We often retain a lack of trust and avoid risk-taking involved in more collaborative behaviors. What is your preferred style, what are the consequences of that style? Collaborating is the pooling of individual needs and goals toward a common goal. Often called "win-win problem- solving," collaboration requires assertive communication and cooperation in order to achieve a better solution than either individual could have achieved alone. It offers the chance for consensus, the integration of needs, and the potential to exceed the "budget of possibilities" that previously limited our views of the conflict. It brings new time, energy, and ideas to resolve the dispute meaningfully copyright 2013 ktaglobalpartners,llc
- 10. Conflict is often best understood by examining the consequences of various behaviors. Each behavioral style is a way to meet one's needs in a dispute but may impact other people in different ways. Competing is a style in which one's own needs are advocated over the needs of others. It relies on an aggressive style of communication, low regard for future relationships. Those using a competitive style tend to seek control over a discussion, in both substance and ground rules. They fear that loss of such control will result in solutions that fail to meet their needs. Competing tends to result in responses that increase the level of threat. Accommodating, also known as smoothing, is the opposite of competing. Persons using this style yield their needs to those of others, trying to be diplomatic. They tend to allow the needs of the group to overwhelm their own, which may not ever be stated, as preserving the relationship is seen as most important. Avoiding is a common response to the negative perception of conflict. "Perhaps if we don't bring it up, it will blow over," we say to ourselves. But, generally, all that happens is that feelings get pent up, views go unexpressed, and the conflict festers until it becomes too big to ignore. Like a cancer that may well have been cured if treated early, the conflict grows and spreads until it kills the relationship. copyright 2013 ktaglobalpartners,llc
- 11. Whatever the solution, effective conflict resolution meets the needs, expectations and interests of the people involved in three important aspects. copyright 2013 ktaglobalpartners,llc SUBSTANCE
- 12. Think of a conflict you recently had? Do I like the person I became during the conflict? Did my actions lead to resolution or make things worse? copyright 2013 ktaglobalpartners,llc
- 13. MOST relationships are important for one reason or another. Since we don't always see eye to eye on everything, there are going to be disagreements. Disagreements can be highly toxic and damaging to these important relationships, even destroying the relationship if we don't learn to fight fair. copyright 2013 ktaglobalpartners,llc
- 14. Let's face it - it is very difficult to take back comments and actions that are made from a place of anger or judgment or a misuse of power. Face Saving. If you want the person you are in conflict with to go in a different direction you have to leave them a way to do it. People who feel pushed to he wall will attack Pay attention to your opponents need for dignity. copyright 2013 ktaglobalpartners,llc
- 15. Take Responsibility for Yourself. Put Aside Defensive Behavior. Avoid Contemptuous Behavior (demeaning comments, putting someone down) No Stonewalling/Shutting Down Allowed copyright 2013 ktaglobalpartners,llc
- 16. What is the impact of violating these behaviors? What are antidotes to Blame, Defensiveness, contempt or stonewalling? copyright 2013 ktaglobalpartners,llc
- 17. Constructive Responses ACTIVE Perspective taking Creating Solutions Expressing Emotions Reaching Out PASSIVE Reflective Thinking Delay Responding Adapting Destructive Responses ACTIVE Winning at all costs, Displaying Anger, Demeaning others Retaliating PASSIVE Avoiding Yielding Hiding Emotions Self -Criticizing copyright 2013 ktaglobalpartners,llc
- 18. When you get angry, situations often seem worse than they are. Ask yourself if there's anything you can do about the situation. Breathing & Visualization: Anger is as much a physiological response as an emotional one; if you calm your body, you'll feel less angry. Breathing exercises are an effective way to slow the heart rate and relax the muscles. copyright 2013 ktaglobalpartners,llc
- 19. Ask permission or schedule a time BEFORE you attempt engagement. Sounds like this, "I'd like for us to discuss our finances. Is this a good time or can we set aside a 1/2 hour later today?" Set guidelines for the discussion BEFORE you begin. Guidelines will be whatever works for the two of you. You could decide who will start the discussion, whether they speak uninterrupted or are willing to take questions. How much time you are going to allot to the conversation. You could even ask someone to use a different tone of voice with you or to refrain from swearing if that is an issue. Think about what each of you might need to make the conversation productive. Setting guidelines for the conversation is something you do together and is negotiable. Find a way that works for the two of you. copyright 2013 ktaglobalpartners,llc
- 20. Format for “I” Statements “When [the facts or event] happened, I thought/noticed/assumed/made up [your interpretation of the event]. I messages don’t resolve the conflict but it recognizes that both parties are involved. Letting go of the concept of fault, frees up both participants to be involved and invested in finding solutions. copyright 2013 ktaglobalpartners,llc
- 21. Our thoughts can hijack our emotions Your thoughts, perceptions of the event contribute to thinking feelings, behaviors (irrational thinking, exaggerated or dysfunctional thinking). Understanding how your thoughts lead to emotions which then drive us to behave in certain way. We are not our thoughts. As surprising as this is to discover, our thoughts are only one aspect of our beings. We do not have to believe everything we think! It helps to see these challenges as manageable. copyright 2013 ktaglobalpartners,llc
- 22. Exercise: What are some of your hot buttons at work? What are hot buttons in your relationships (family, friends, kids, significant other) How does your body tell you that you are getting angry? Identify strategies you have to calm yourself down What can you do about habitual responses to the same trigger copyright 2013 ktaglobalpartners,llc
- 23. Step 1 LISTEN pay attention to the words and feelings behind what your conflict partner is expressing. Resist interrupting. People stop venting if they think you are listening. Step 2 Acknowledge the anger (I see that you are upset) Step 3 Apologize- this is difficult because people feel apology is the same as taking responsibility, when something was not my fault. What you are saying is you are sorry for their pain. Step 4 Agree with their truth. Recognize there is more than one legitimate perspective. Step 5 Invite Criticism Involve them in the discussion of how the situation could have been handled differently, this engages and refrains from blame or accusation. copyright 2013 ktaglobalpartners,llc
- 24. One must do something with one’s own anger before you interact with others. It is irrelevant whether your anger is justified or righteous– it works against your own best interest because it makes you unable to negotiate effectively. What Biblical principles or faith practices can you use to defuse anger. copyright 2013 ktaglobalpartners,llc
- 25. Detaching from our “knee jerk,” “dysfunctional,” and “habituated” behaviors, which keep us stuck. Used to help us respond to a situation rather than reacting to it how does one detach when someone is yelling in your face...by using the difficult and painstaking practice of mindfulness. When you feel those primal feelings rising up, you breathe in those feelings, copyright 2013 ktaglobalpartners,llc
- 26. Then you “step outside of yourself” sort of speak and turn on your “internal observer,” It may be that you have to use a humor to get through it, or say a calm word, or set a boundary by saying “I am unable to discuss this with you right now.” Detachment always includes your needs, as well as that of others. Detachment doesn’t mean to detach from your feelings, but rather to honor yourself and others by changing your habituated responses. copyright 2013 ktaglobalpartners,llc
- 27. Identify 5 five strengths you have in dealing with conflict Identify 5 weaknesses you have in dealing with conflict. Considering the weaknesses what actions can you take, what new behaviors can you try to improve responses to conflict? copyright 2013 ktaglobalpartners,llc
- 28. Self Awareness Read emotions recognize the impact Emotional Self awareness Accurate Self Assessment Social Awareness Perceive/Decipher Emotions Organizational Awareness Service Orientation Situational/Context Awareness Self Management Regulate Emotions Self Control Trustworthy Conscientiousness Adaptability Initiative Drive Relationship Management Using emotions to facilitate/motivate others Influence others Develop others Collaborate copyright 2013 ktaglobalpartners,llc
- 29. Choose a conflict with another person that you want to work on You will need to occupy three different perceptual positions during this exercise, spending a few minutes in each. You will change positions three times. In each position close your eyes, think feel see hear and speak as the person you are representing. copyright 2013 ktaglobalpartners,llc
- 30. Position 1 Your view of the conflict and the behavior of the other person Position 2 Suspend judgment articulate the situation from the other persons perspective Position 3 Neutral Observer comment on what you saw, heard felt watching the two other positions. Can you offer any advice to the first person on handling it differently copyright 2013 ktaglobalpartners,llc
- 31. When we change our responses, others with whom we have had conflict with in the past, often want what is familiar; therefore their aggression towards you may increase. It takes a lot of self awareness to unhook your self from habituated behaviors, as well as courage. However, with time and practice, dysfunctions which only serve to make matters worse, can start to fade. copyright 2013 ktaglobalpartners,llc