Your Guide to Overcoming CoDependence
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This document provides information about codependency, including what it is, where it comes from, symptoms, and how to overcome it. Codependency is an addictive relationship with other people or things where a person's self-worth depends on being in a relationship. It develops as a coping mechanism for dysfunctional families and can stem from substance abuse, mental illness, abuse or neglect. Symptoms include caretaking, low self-esteem, control issues, and responsibility for others. Overcoming codependency involves self-discovery, setting boundaries, and not basing self-worth on others through counseling or support groups. True intimacy involves each person being responsible for their own feelings.
Your Guide to Overcoming CoDependence
- 1. YOUR GUIDE TO CO- DEPENDENCE And how to overcome…
- 2. What is it? “Codependency is a dysfunctional relationship with the self.“ Co-dependency is a pathological or addictive relationship to people, behaviors or things. It is the fallacy of trying to manage internal feelings in the external environment. It inhibits the ability to have healthy, mutually satisfying relationships.
- 3. Where Does it Come From? Developed as a Coping Mechanism Dysfunctional family: one in which members suffer from fear, anger, pain or shame that is ignored or denied.
- 4. More than Just Families with Addictions Adapted as a response to Substance Addiction Mental illness Chronic physical illness Anger and Hostility Hyper Critical Environment Physical or Emotional Neglect Any Kind of Abuse
- 5. Symptoms Care Taking Low Self Worth Repression Controlling Behaviors Denial Poor Boundaries Exaggerated Sense of Responsibility Fear of Being Alone
- 6. What they learn… It's not okay to talk about problems Feelings should not be expressed openly; keep feelings to yourself Communication is best if indirect; one person acts as messenger between two others; known in therapy as triangulation Be strong, good, right, perfect Make us proud beyond realistic expectations Don't be selfish Do as I say not as I do It's not okay to play or be playful Don't rock the boat
- 7. The Disconnected Brain Limbic System- the primitive memory and emotion center. The Prefrontal Cortex- the reasoning, evaluative center. The Healing Space
- 8. The Upside Never accepting responsibility Being the Special One Feeling needed Being admired as a saint
- 9. The Down Side Intimacy problems Hyper vigilance (a heightened awareness for potential threat/danger) Physical illness related to stress Broken Relationships
- 10. What a Cute Little Idol… Does it have a name? Creator Creation Worship
- 11. Overcoming Co-dependency Self discovery, self awareness, pulling away from care-taking behaviors, and being responsible for other’s moods, happiness or well being. CR, Co-dependents Anonymous. Education about the cycle of addiction
- 12. What A Recovered Co-Dependent Looks Like Able to… Identify his own needs and make a plan to meet those needs. Learn and practice good self care. Set boundaries with love and respect. Stay Connected without enmeshment Sit with the discomfort of being alone Assert his needs and desires Teach others how to respect him.
- 13. True Intimacy True intimacy is when you are able to hold your own experience and feelings, allowing the other to hold their own experience and feelings with no fear or attempt of controlling, changing or judging the other.
- 14. To find out more… Michelle Hollomon, LMHC Counselor, Coach, Author Eastside Counseling & Coaching 8201 164th Ave NE, Suite 200 Redmond, WA Ph: 425-999-9470 www.counselingtheeastside.com