Lecture 1 introduction to couples counselling
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The document provides an overview of couples counseling and the life cycle of couple relationships. It discusses key stages in relationships including newly married couples, families with young children, families with adolescents, and families in later life. It also examines characteristics of happy and unhappy couples, the basis for partner choice, and theories around marriage and divorce rates. The document then outlines several models of couple therapy and frameworks for assessing couples counseling approaches.
Lecture 1 introduction to couples counselling
- 1. LECTURE 1. INTRODUCTION TO COUPLES COUNSELLING: LIFE CYCLE OF COUPLE RELATIONSHIPS COUPLE COUNSELLING SKILLS KEVIN STANDISH
- 2. LEARNING OUTCOMES • Describe basic ideas about marriage and divorce • Identify the characteristics of happy and unhappy couples • Explain the process of partner choice • Explain the critical points in the family/marriage life cycle • Articulate the key elements used in the Comparative Study of Couple Therapy • To describe the assessment task and use of case studies
- 3. BASIC IDEAS ABOUT MARRIAGE AND DIVORCE EVOLUTION OF MARRIAGE FACTS AND FIGURES
- 4. POST WW-II HISTORY OF MARRIAGE • Economics • Shift in type of work due to industrialization • Necessity of dual incomes • Technology • Industrialization • Transportation • Birth control • Social Norms (next slide)
- 5. THE CHANGE IN SOCIAL NORMS • Shift from external, role-oriented criteria (e.g., good worker, provider, mother, wife) to internal criteria of personal satisfaction. • Studies of changing themes in popular magazine articles about marriage since the '50s document increased emphasis on self-development, flexible and negotiable roles, and open communication about problems. Surveys show similarly dramatic changes in criteria for "marital satisfaction". • These changes reflect increases in individualism and our standard of living, as well as improved contraceptive methods and greater availability of abortions. • Could you conceive of staying in a marriage unless you're happy? • Increasing acceptance of same sex partnerships leading to civil partnerships or same sex marriage • BUT these are WESTERN norm changes. What of other social norms?
- 6. MARRIAGE AND CULTURE • Please reflect on your cultural influences on how marriage is viewed • What impact has “western” culture had on traditional cultural marriages? • How do you view cross cultural marriages/partnerships? • How do you view interracial marriages/partnerships? • How do you view LGBT marriages/partnerships?
- 7. 9 FACTS ABOUT MARRIAGES •1. There was one marriage every two minutes in 2012.
- 8. 2. THERE WAS AN INCREASE IN MARRIAGES IN 2012, WITH 262,2401 TAKING PLACE. THIS WAS A 5.3% INCREASE FROM 2011 WHEN THERE WERE 249,133.
- 9. 3. CIVIL CEREMONIES ACCOUNTED FOR 70% OF ALL MARRIAGES IN 2012. THE PROPORTION OF MARRIAGES THAT WERE CIVIL CEREMONIES FIRST EXCEEDED RELIGIOUS CEREMONIES IN 1976.
- 10. 4. 60% (156,480) OF MARRIAGES TOOK PLACE IN APPROVED PREMISES SUCH AS HOTELS, STATELY HOMES AND HISTORIC BUILDINGS.
- 11. 5. 67% (175,0401) OF ALL MARRIAGES WERE FIRST MARRIAGES FOR BOTH PARTNERS.
- 12. 6. 15% OF ALL MARRIAGES (38,320) WERE REMARRIAGES FOR BOTH PARTIES AND 19% (48,8801) WERE TO COUPLES WHERE ONLY ONE PARTNER HAD BEEN MARRIED PREVIOUSLY.
- 13. 7. THE GREATEST NUMBER OF MARRIAGES WERE FOR MEN AND WOMEN AGED 25 TO 29.
- 14. 8. THE MEAN AGE AT MARRIAGE WAS 36.5 YEARS FOR MEN AND 34.0 YEARS FOR WOMEN.
- 15. 9. THE LARGEST PERCENTAGE INCREASE IN THE NUMBER OF MARRIAGES WAS FOR MEN AND WOMEN AGED 65 TO 69, RISING BY 25% AND 21% RESPECTIVELY.
- 16. 13 FACTS ABOUT DIVORCE 1. THERE WERE 13 DIVORCES AN HOUR* IN ENGLAND AND WALES IN 2012.
- 17. 2. THIS WAS A TOTAL OF 118,140 DIVORCES.
- 18. 3. ALMOST HALF OF THESE DIVORCES OCCURRED IN THE FIRST 10 YEARS OF MARRIAGE.
- 19. 4. WOMEN WERE GRANTED 65% OF ALL DIVORCES.
- 20. 5. THERE WERE 9,703 MEN AND 6,026 WOMEN AGED OVER 60 WHO GOT DIVORCED.
- 21. 6. ONE IN SEVEN DIVORCES WERE GRANTED AS A RESULT OF ADULTERY.
- 22. 7. THERE WERE 719 (LESS THAN 1%) DIVORCES GRANTED BECAUSE OF DESERTION.
- 23. 8. THE AVERAGE AGE* AT DIVORCE WAS 45 FOR MEN AND 42 FOR WOMEN.
- 24. 9. MOST DIVORCES (71%) WERE FOR FIRST MARRIAGES.
- 25. 10. 9% OF COUPLES DIVORCING HAD BOTH BEEN DIVORCED BEFORE.
- 26. 11. 48% OF COUPLES DIVORCING HAD AT LEAST ONE CHILD AGED UNDER 16 LIVING WITH THE FAMILY.
- 27. 12. DIVORCES WERE MOST LIKELY TO OCCUR BETWEEN THE 4TH AND 8TH WEDDING ANNIVERSARY.
- 28. 13. IT IS EXPECTED THAT 42% OF MARRIAGES WILL END IN DIVORCE.
- 29. DIVORCES IN ENGLAND AND WALES, 2013 • There were 114,720 divorces in England and Wales in 2013, a decrease of 2.9% since 2012, when there were 118,140 divorces. • In 2013, there were 9.8 men divorcing per thousand married males and 9.8 women divorcing per thousand married females. A decrease of 27% for men and 26% for women compared with 2003. Background note 3 has more information about divorce rates. • The number of divorces in 2013 was highest among men and women aged 40 to 44. • For those married in 1968, 20% of marriages had ended in divorce by the 15th wedding anniversary whereas for those married in 1998, almost a third of marriages (32%) had ended by this time.
- 31. CIVIL PARTNERSHIPS • Following the introduction of marriages of same sex couples in March 2014, the number of civil partnerships formed in England and Wales has fallen by 70% from 5,646 in 2013 to 1,683 in 2014. • The mean age of men forming a civil partnership in England and Wales in 2014 was 43.6 years, while for women it was 42.3 years, increasing by 3 years for men and 4 years for women since 2013. This is the largest annual increase in the mean age at formation since civil partnerships were introduced in 2005. • Over half (57%) of civil partnerships were between males in 2014; a change from 2013 when only 47% of partnerships were between males. • The number of civil partnership dissolutions granted in 2014 was 1,061, an increase of 8.9% since 2013.
- 32. SAME SEX MARRIAGES: THE FIRST MARRIAGES OF SAME SEX COUPLES COULD TAKE PLACE ON 29 MARCH 2014.
- 33. PERCENTAGE OF TOTAL CIVIL PARTNERSHIP FORMATIONS BY AGE GROUP AND SEX, 2014
- 34. HAPPY OR UNHAPPY MARRIAGE/PARTNERSHIP CHARACTERISTICS OF HAPPY COUPLES CHARACTERISTICS OF UNHAPPY COUPLES
- 35. WHAT ARE THE CHARACTERISTICS OF A HAPPY OR UNHAPPY MARRIAGE/PARTNERSHIP?
- 36. CHARACTERISTICS OF “HAPPY” COUPLES • Characteristics (John Gottman) • foundation of affection and friendship • "validation sequences” • ability to resolve disagreements • “positive sentiment override” • a 5 to 1(or better) compliment-criticism ratio is optimal • as the ratio decreases, marriage satisfaction decreases • Amount of conflict relatively unimportant (all relationships have conflict) Tolstoy’s adage: “All happy families are alike, but unhappy marriages are unhappy in their own way.”
- 37. DISTRESSED COUPLES (GOTTMAN CONT.) •Engage in a wide range of destructive fighting techniques • Personal attacks (name calling) • Dredging up the past • Losing focus (…and the “kitchen sink”) • Tend to resort to the "four horsemen of the apocalypse“ • Criticism (more common in women) • Defensiveness • Withdrawal (more common in men) • Contempt
- 38. BASIS OF PARTNER CHOICE ON WHAT BASIS DO WE CHOOSE OUR PARTNER THE PSYCHOLOGY OF ROMANTIC LOVE
- 39. “DOES HAPPILY EVER AFTER EVEN EXIST?” • fair question from a group of young people who watched almost 50% of their parents’ generation divorce, another 10% permanently separate and another 7% remain in unhappy marriages • Being “in love” is equivalent to having a “liking” (fairness, kindness, loyalty) and a “lust” (sexual desire). • Children’s fairy-tale belief about love is beautiful girl falling in for a brave hero and they fall for each other in minutes. This is far from what happens in reality http://ashishb.net/book-summary/book-summary- the-science-of-happily-ever-after-by-t-y-tashiro/
- 40. “IN LOVE” IS BROKEN INTO THREE PARTS LIGHTING TO ONE PART LUST In love Liking Fair Kind Loyal Sexual Desire Lust
- 41. TASHIRO, T (2014) THE SCIENCE OF HAPPILY EVER AFTER: WHAT REALLY MATTERS IN THE QUEST FOR ENDURING LOVE. ONTARIO. HARLEQUIN •Post-marriage, liking declines at about 3% annually while lust declines 8% annually (in first 7 years of marriage) => from a long term perspective, its better to invest in liking than lust.
- 42. WHY YOU GET ONLY THREE WISHES FOR LOVE• Stability of traits – Traits rarely change. The traits which people carry during their initial period of dating are indicative of how they will behave in future. • Due to “positive illusions”, we ignore annoying traits of the person we are dating. • The friends/observers of the relation had better perception of the relation. • The popular notion of being intoxicated by love is not that incorrect • Singles end up wishing for an unreasonable number of traits in their partners. They usually end up grabbing partners based on the traits they first see (in lieu of traits they would have most wished for). • Most choices are by chance • Wishing for at most three wishes for a partner is a pragmatic choice, anything beyond is too wishful.
- 43. WISHING FOR THE WRONG PARTNER WHY WE SQUANDER OUR WISHES • Strategic marriage: Before 1800s, short life expectancies and constant struggle for survival. In a dangerous environment for struggle, thinking of marrying someone for romantic inklings would be far fetched. Marriage was about survival..choose the strongest, fittest healthiest • Romantic marriage: As the life expectancy began to rise and urbanization happened (more mating options in close proximity), “marrying for love” was actually possible. While investing in reproductive fitness had a good return on investment during the previous era, now with much healthier individuals, its role is limited. • When asked to rank traits, physical attractiveness was 4th for men and 5th for women (among list of 10 traits) and resources were at the bottom while agreeableness and intelligence were high up. But when they were forced to choose only a small number of traits, they chose physical attractiveness and resources (men prioritized looks and women prioritized resources). • When singles were asked to rate themselves and partners on certain traits, in terms of physical attractiveness and wealth, there was strong to moderate similarity while on personality traits like kindness, extroversion etc. there were only weak associations. So, a modern marriage game is about fighting the urge of reproductively fit mate with the psychological urge of a happy marriage. • Most broken real life marriages are about passionate lovers falling apart once the ephemeral passionate love phase is over. It leaves people with lovely moments and tragic endings.
- 44. WISHES FOR LOVE • given constraint of three wishes, using one for attractiveness is a poor return on investment. •beyond a certain sustainable income, more wealth leads to diminishing returns in terms of relationship stability. Marriages done solely for one partner’s wealth are not stable.
- 45. IN MATTERS OF LOVE, KINDNESS FINISHES FIRST http://tytashiro.com/bekind/
- 46. THE FAMILY LIFE CYCLE CARR, A (2012) FAMILY THERAPY: CONCEPTS, PROCESS AND PRACTICE (3RD EDITION) LONDON, WILEY BLACKWELL. CHAPTER 1: GOALS OF FAMILY THERAPY ACROSS THE LIFE CYCLE
- 47. THE FAMILY LIFE CYCLE •Each family is unique, due to variations in personal characteristics and cultural styles; •The family is an interactional system whose component parts have constantly shifting boundaries and varying degrees of resistance to change;
- 48. THE FAMILY LIFE CYCLE •Families must fulfill a variety of functions for each member, both collectively and individually, if each member is to grow and develop; •Families pass through developmental and non-developmental changes that produce stress affecting all members.
- 49. THE FAMILY LIFE CYCLE • The family life cycle introduces the element of change into the family system. • As the family moves through time, developmental and non-developmental changes alter the family structure and/or the family’s needs. • These, in turn, produce change in the way the family interacts.
- 50. FAMILY LIFE CYCLE STAGE (SIMPLE MODEL) Unattache d young adult Newly married couple Family with young children Family with adolescents Launching family/leavin g home Family in later years
- 51. THE FAMILY LIFE CYCLE •The family is not just a collection of individuals. It is a whole larger than the sum of its parts. •A Delicate Balance: A change in the family situation means readjustment of the total system and can pose problems and challenges for every single member.
- 53. THE DEVELOPMENTAL FAMILY LIFE CYCLE PARADIGM • Within each stage of the life cycle are specific tasks that must be accomplished before family members can successfully move onto the next stage. • Families often become derailed as it tried to move from one stage to the next • When earlier transitions have not been negotiated successfully subsequent stages are difficult and chaotic • Couples often seek therapy during transition periods • The developmental stages of the individual, couple and family must be viewed simultaneously
- 54. LIFE CYCLE OF MARRIAGE AND FAMILY MCGOLDRICK 1989Family life cycle stage Emotional process of concession: key principles Second order changes in family status required to proceed developmentally 1. Leaving home: single young adults Excepting emotional and financial responsibility for self A. Differentiation of self in relation to family of origin B. Development of intimate peer relationships C. Establishment of self in work and financial independence 2. Adjoining family’s marriage: the new couple Commitment to new system A. Formation of marital system B.. Realignment of relationships with extended families and friends to include spouse 3. Families with young children Accepting new members into the system A. Adjusting marital system to make space for children B. Joining in child-rearing, financial, and household tasks C. Realignment of relationships with extended family to include parenting and grandparenting roles 4. Families with adolescents Increasing flexibility of family boundaries to include children’s independence and grandparents frailties A. Shifting of parent-child relationships to permit adolescents to move in and out of the system B. We focus on midlife marital and career issues C. Beginning shift towards joint caring for older generation 5. Launching children and moving on Accepting a multitude of experts from and entries into the family system A. Renegotiation of marital system as a dyad B. Development of adult adult relationships between grown up children and their parents C. Realignment of relationships to include in-laws and grandchildren D. Dealing with disabilities and death of parents and grandparents 6. Families in later life Excepting the shift of generational roles A. Maintaining own and or couple functioning and interests in the face of physiological decline; exploration of new family and social role options B. Support of more central role of middle generation C. Making room in the system for the wisdom and experience of the elderly, supporting the older generation D. Dealing with the loss of sparse, siblings and other peers and
- 55. COMPARATIVE STUDY OF COUPLE THERAPY A FRAMEWORK OF ANALYSIS
- 56. A FRAMEWORK FOR THE COMPARATIVE STUDY OF COUPLE THERAPY In considering each model a consistent framework is used to analyse the model. 1. Background of the Approach 2. The Healthy/Well-Functioning versus Pathological/Dysfunctional Couple/Marriage 3. The Role of the Therapist 4. Assessment and Treatment Planning 5. Goal Setting 6. Process and Technical Aspects of Couple Therapy 7. Curative Factors/Mechanisms of Change 8. Treatment Applicability and Empirical Support • Please use this structure in your comparative of the 2 models for the assessment task
- 57. MODELS OF COUPLE THERAPY
- 58. MODELS OF COUPLE THERAPY
- 59. APPLICATION OF COUPLE THERAPY: SPECIFIC PROBLEMS AND ISSUES
- 60. COUPLE THERAPY IN BROADER CONTEXT
- 61. READINGS • Core readings: • Gurman (2008) Chapter 1 a framework for the Comparative Study of Couple Therapy: History, Models, and applications • Synder & Halford (2012) Evidence-based couple therapy • Weeks & Fife (2014) Couples in treatment techniques and approaches text book chapter 1 • Cowan (ND) becoming parents: what has to change for couples • Qualls (1994) marital therapy with later life couples • Advanced reading • Tashiro (2014) the science of happily ever after: what really matters in the quest for enduring love. Chap 1 & 2 • Hazan (2003) the essential nature of couple relationships found in Johnson and Whiffen (2003)