22 predictable behavior
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1) The document provides tips for understanding and responding to unpredictable behaviors in students. It advises observing students to understand where behaviors come from, rather than reacting immediately. 2) The author shares an example of adjusting his approach to a disruptive student named Cody by connecting with him individually and calling on him in group. This met the student's need for attention in a positive way. 3) Youth leaders are encouraged to research adolescent development, understand students' backgrounds and perspectives, and lead with patience and love rather than unrealistic expectations. The goal should be helping students become like Jesus rather than meeting the leader's expectations.
22 predictable behavior
- 1. L E A RN PRE DIC TA BL E BE H AV IOR from Doug Fields FOR STARTERS Have you ever taken the time TRAINING on the GO Have you ever wondered why some students won’t sit still and listen to what to research the age group you have to say or why some girls can be so vicious to one another, while most you’re working with? Try it, and seventh-grade boys have the conversation skills of cavemen? Have you ever asked yourself, “Why can’t I get through to them?” or “Am I really making a see what you find. Go to your difference with my time in youth ministry?” If you’ve ever asked any of these favorite search engine and type questions, welcome to the world of normal youth ministry. But don’t worry. in “adolescent development.” Your youth group doesn’t contain a bunch of aliens, and you’re not out of Then poke around for teenage- touch. related information. Think of it this way: You’re dealing with bodies and brains that are undergoing huge changes. When you’re confronted with behaviors you don’t understand, remember that you have no control over the way a student acts. The good IN T HE TRENCHE S news is that you do have control over your response. Whether behavior is positive or negative, you have the opportunity to minister to students by Observation can be a huge part of reacting with wisdom and Christ-like character. Though you may not agree understanding the behavior of your with their actions, students need to know that you still love them. students. Cody, a student in my Use these tips on dealing with students who don’t always act the way you small group, acted up every week. want them to. He would take the group discus- sion on tangents, make up stories, 1. Don’t react right away. Give yourself some time to think through what distract other students—basically you want to say or do. doing anything to gather attention 2. Respond in a loving way. I know this can be difficult, but students exist (and get our group off track). After in an often-negative world, and they’re used to being treated with anger, watching this week after week, bitterness, and sarcasm. Give them the opposite. I realized Cody was just looking for approval and acceptance from 3. Question behavior. Try to get to the why. Chances are good that beneath the other students. His behavior the surface something significant is causing the behavior. reflected a deep need for atten- Begin a journey to understand the age group you work with. Do research, talk tion. Once I understood where he to parents, question teachers, and interview students. You may never fully was coming from, I tried to meet understand every behavior, but the more you immerse yourself in under- him there. standing teenagers, the more effective you’ll become in ministry. I adjusted my approach. I made a For example, if you know ninth-grade boys can be obnoxious at times, special effort to connect with Cody you won’t expect them to sit calmly and listen to a two-hour lecture on the before small group began, and in benefits of memorizing Leviticus. Your heart may be in the right place, but our discussion times, I’d call on him your understanding of adolescence may need some realism. A better goal first so he could share. When pos- would be to focus less on getting them to meet your expectations and more sible, I affirmed him in front of the on teaching them to be like Jesus. group. This way, he still got some of the “spotlight” but wasn’t the Let’s face reality: Some students are difficult to love, hard to understand, rude, center of the group’s focus. disrespectful, and wild (to name a few). If you have any of these students, you’re called to love them—no matter what. Be patient with them, don’t approach When I realized it was better to them with unrealistic expectations, see the good in them (and tell them about understand him as a person than try it), persevere with them through the difficult times, and encourage them. to make him the perfectly behaved youth, life became a lot better for I’m not advocating that you give up on discipline, self-control, and good both of us. behavior. I’m just asking that you lead not with a mouthful of rules but with a heart full of understanding. Who are the Codys in your group of students? How can this story inspire you to respond to them? YOUTH LEADER TRAINING ON THE GO
- 2. L E A RN P RE DIC TA B L E B E H AV IOR CONNECT to God’s Word T O T HE POINT “And if you lend to those from whom you expect • Do your homework. Seek to understand what your repayment, what credit is that to you? Even students are like. ‘sinners’ lend to ‘sinners,’ expecting to be repaid in full. But love your enemies, do good to them, • Be quick to observe and and lend to them without expecting to get slow to act. anything back. Then your reward will be great, • Adjust your leadership style and you will be sons of the Most High, because he to meet your students’ is kind to the ungrateful and wicked. Be merciful, needs. just as your Father is merciful.” —Luke 6:34-36 TRY I T • Which students do you want to understand better? Take an afternoon to visit your How will you respond to their behavior in a Christ- students’ world. Go to a place like way? where students hang out—a coffee shop or the mall, for example. • In what ways can you better love your students? Wherever you go, casually observe the teenagers who are there. Watch them and take notes. Pay attention Write a response and prayer to God here… to how they interact with one another, the way they talk, how they respond, what expressions they make, and especially the way they interact with adults. Ask questions. What is that teenager’s background? What might his or her relationships look like? Why does the teenager interact with people that way? How is a particular teenager like or unlike the students in your ministry? Use this experience to better understand why your students do what they do and why they are the way they are. Then decide how you’ll put those observations into practice in your ministry. MA K E IT PER SONAL Permission to photocopy this handout granted for local church use. Copyright © Doug Fields. Published in Youth Leader Training on the Go by Group Publishing, Inc., P.O. Box 481, Loveland, CO 80539. www.youthministry.com and www.simplyyouthministry.com