Communication Skills - Assertiveness

By:
AUM-E-HANI
WORDS
OF
WISDOM

ASSERTIVENESS
 HOW TO GET WHAT DO YOU WANT TO GET?
 WORKING WITH PEOPLE, NOT AGAINST THEM
Stand firm when you need to
Instead of authority, learn the art
of inspiration to get things done.

 Effective communication brings about the achievement of individual and /
or shared goals.
 Assertiveness increases your ability to reach these goals while maintaining
your rights and dignity.
WHY ASSERTIVENESS IS IMPORTANT?

Assertiveness is the direct and honest communication of your opinions, feelings,
needs, and rights in a way that does not violate the personal rights of others. It
involves standing up for your own rights, while acknowledging the rights of
others, and working towards a win-win solution.
ASSERTIVENESS
 Your words and behavior tell people who you are.
 Human communication and behavior fall into three basic categories:
o Passiveness.
o Aggressiveness.
o Assertiveness.

 Other people’s feelings and rights are more important than yours.
 You will offend other people by being assertive.
 You are not important enough to express your feelings and rights.
THE MYTHS ABOUT ASSERTIVENESS

 Develop your communication skills.
 Allow you to feel self-confident.
 Help you to build your credibility.
 Increase your self-esteem / self-respect.
 Help you to gain the respect of others.
 Improve your decision-making ability.
 Improve your leadership skills.
 Let you know what you want.
WHAT WILL ASSERTIVENESS DO FOR YOU?

 They feel free to express their feeling, thoughts and desires.
 They know their rights.
 They are less stressed.
 Get to "win-win" more easily.
 Are better problem Solvers.
 They have control over their anger.
 They don’t limit their feelings they just control it for a moment and
then talk about it later in a logical way.
 They have a good understanding of feeling of the person they are
communicating with.
 They don’t reliant on the approval of others.
CHARACTERISTICS OF ASSERTIVE PEOPLE

Please write one sentence definition of
A S S E R T I V E N E S S
Challenge
An honest, direct and appropriate expression of one’s
feelings, thoughts and beliefs.

Basic Assertiveness
Empathic Assertiveness
Escalating Assertiveness
Contextual Assertiveness
?
Types of Assertiveness

 At the most basic level, assertiveness can be a simple expression of your
beliefs, feelings, or opinions.
 It’s simple “I feel” or “I want” statement.
 For Example:
“I feel upset”. “I feel tense”.
Basic Assertiveness OR I-Statements
Sometimes this is all you need to say.
OR

 This involves recognizing the other person’s situation or feelings. This is
followed by a statement of your own feelings or rights.
 Empathy means being open to the ideas of others and sensitive to their values
and feelings.
 For Example:
“I can see you find this situation frustrating. I
have also been getting a little frustrated by the
whole thing.”
Empathic Assertiveness

 This type of assertiveness is necessary when your first attempts are not
successful in getting your needs met.
 It also occurs when, the other person fails to respond to your basic assertion,
the other person continues to violate your rights.
 After several basic assertive statements, you may even make mention of some
resulting action on your part. In most cases, the message will eventually get
through.
 For Example:
John, this is the third time I've had to speak to you about
arriving late. If you are late one more time this month, I
will activate the disciplinary process.”
Escalating Assertiveness

 This type of assertive communication is useful for expressing negative feelings
and is the basis for many of the described below.
 Such assertiveness involves three parts.
The effects
are . . .
When you
do . . .
I had
prefer . . .
(describe the behavior) (describe what you want)
(describe how the behavior concretely affects you)
Contextual Assertiveness

 Myths about assertiveness.
 Fear of change.
 Refusal to admit others’ obedience.
 Lack of confidence in your ability.
 Fear of ruining relationships if you
speak your mind.
 Lack of clear understanding about
proper implementation of
assertiveness.
WHAT’S KEEPIING YOU FROM BEING
ASSERTIVE?

 Rights to judge your own value, beliefs and emotions and to take the
responsibility for their initiation and consequences.
 Right to like your self even though you are not perfect, and to sometime do
less than you are capable of doing.
 Right to express yourself and say “No", "I don’t know”, “I don’t understand”,
or even “I don’t care".
o You have the right to take the time you need to formulate yours ideas
before expressing them.
 Right to ask for information or help without having negative feelings about
your needs.
ASSERTIVE RIGHTS OF AN INDIVIDUAL

 Right to have position and satisfying relationship and to change or end
relationships if they don’t meet your needs.
o Consider this as an EXTREME Situation.
 Right to tell others how you wish to be treated.
 Right not to explain or justify your feelings to other.
 Right to change your mind.
 Right to make mistake and be responsible.
 Right to judge whether you are responsible for finding solutions to others
problems.
ASSERTIVE RIGHTS OF AN INDIVIDUAL

Assertiveness Vs Aggressiveness
Assertiveness is based on balance.
Aggressive behavior is based on winning.

 Being aggressive means standing up for yourself in ways that violate the
rights of others.
 Aggressive behavior is typically punishing, hostile, blaming, and
demanding.
 It can involve threats, taunting, and even actual physical contact.
 It can also involve abusing, gossip and "slips of the tongue.“
How is Being Assertive different from Being
Aggressive?
Assertiveness is an alternative to the extremes
of passiveness and aggressiveness.

SCENARIO
Aggressive Boss Vs Assertive Employee
Aggressive Boss
Assertive Boss

Communication Behavior Categories
 Have trouble saying NO.
 Do whatever others ask, even if it’s very
inconvenient.
 Talk softly and don’t stand up for their rights.
 They’re not even sure if they have any rights.
 Do anything to avoid conflict.
 They are taken advantage of.
 They get angry but don’t tell anyone.
 Are loud, bossy and pushy.
 Get their way, no matter what.
 React instantly.
 Don’t care about feelings.
 Believe that winning is everything.
 Are firm and direct.
 Don’t blame others but take full responsibility for their own feelings.
 Concentrate on the present.
 Can express their needs and feelings calmly and easily.
 Are confident about who they are.
 Speak firmly and make eye contact.
 Respect others’ rights and expect the same in return.
Aggressive PeoplePassive People
Assertive People

Activity
Asses your
Assertiveness
Developing your assertiveness starts with a
good understanding of who you are and a
belief in the value you bring.

 Deliver your message directly to the intended recipient.
 Use statements that make what you want, think, and feel as clear as possible.
 Ask for and encourage clear, specific feedback.
 Be specific and objective when describing the behavior or situation.
 Avoid becoming emotional when describing how it makes you feel.
 Avoid “why” questions to further reduce the likelihood of the other person
becoming defensive.
TIPS FOR BEING MORE ASSERTIVE

 Be specific about the action required from the other person, taking into
account the rights, needs and feelings of the other person.
 Do not be apologetic about your feelings, rights or opinions. Say “NO” to
unreasonable requests, also without being apologetic.
 Maintain eye contact (if culturally appropriate) and use tone of voice and body
language to reinforce your message.
TIPS FOR BEING MORE ASSERTIVE

ASSERTIVENESS
THANK YOU
By:
AUM-E-HANI
Assertiveness is the direct and honest communication of your opinions, feelings,
needs, and rights in a way that does not violate the personal rights of others. It
involves standing up for your own rights, while acknowledging the rights of
others, and working towards a win-win solution.

Communication Skills - Assertiveness

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