Interpersonal Communication, Listening and Feedback

INTERPERSONAL COMMUNICATION
Dr Amit Purushottam
carcs.in
6204323465
LISTENING & FEEDBACK SKILLS

• A man cannot speak but he judges and reveals
himself. With his will, or against his will, he
draws his portrait to the eye of others by every
word.
-- Ralph Waldo Emerson

THE POWER OF LISTENING
• It is better to remain quiet and be thought a fool than to speak
and remove all doubt.
-- Anonymous
• Some time ago, a team of professors at Loyola
University in Chicago participated in a study to
determine the most important single attribute of
an effective manager. For a year and a half, they
queried hundreds of businesses across the
country and finally decided that listening is a
manager's most important skill.

The following saying summarizes the importance of
listening: "We have two ears and one mouth so that we can
listen twice as much as we speak.“

What communication skill can be
more basic than listening?
• We spend more time listening
than any other activity except
breathing, yet we listen at only a
fraction of our potential.
Because we believe ourselves to
be good listeners we seldom
make an effort to improve.

What is Effective Listening?
• Effective listening skills are the ability to actively
understand information provided by the speaker, and
display interest in the topic discussed. It can also include
providing the speaker with feedback, by asking pertinent
questions so the speaker knows the message is received.
• Effective Listening is a skill using multiple senses to
comprehend the message being sent by the speaker.

Importance of Listening
• The importance of listening extends far beyond academic
and professional settings. Understanding how to practice
good communication even in your day to day life, among
friends, family, and significant others, is important for a
number of reasons: fostering good self-esteem, maximizing
productivity, improving relationships, and even becoming a
better speaker.

Listening: as a communication skill
• Listening is one of the most important communication
skills
• We probably spend more time using our Listening Skills
than any other kind of skill
• Like other skills, Listening takes practice
• Real Listening is an active process
• Listening requires attention

Characteristics of Listening
L = Look interested
I = Involve yourself by responding
S = Stay on target
T = Test your understanding
E = Evaluate the message
N = Neutralize your feelings

10 Steps to Effective Listening
Step 1: Face the speaker and maintain eye contact.
Step 2: Be attentive, but relaxed.
Step 3: Keep an open mind.
Step 4: Listen to the words and try to picture what the speaker
is saying.
Step 5: Don’t interrupt and don’t impose your “solutions.”

10 Steps to Effective Listening (2)
Step 6: Wait for the speaker to pause to ask clarifying
questions.
Step 7: Ask questions only to ensure understanding.
Step 8: Try to feel what the speaker is feeling.
Step 9: Give the speaker regular feedback.
Step 10: Pay attention to what isn’t said—to nonverbal cues.

The Process of Listening can be
categorized into 4 main areas
• Hear
• Clarify
• Interpret
• Respond

Hear
To listen actively and effectively, one must be a good hearer. Hearing
involves picking up the sounds of the speaker by performing these
actions:
• Allow the other person to talk.
• Avoid interruptions.
• Clear one's mind of distractions.
• Encourage the speaker to elaborate on what is being said through
verbal and nonverbal cues.
• Focus on the speaker; e.g., maintain eye contact.
• Listen to what is said and not how it is said.
• Model the speaker's physical behavior to encourage further talking.
• Observe nonverbal behavior as well as what is said.
• Recognize that hearing is a psychological and physiological process.
• Use open-ended questions to encourage the speaker to continue
talking.

Clarify
Often, what is said is not completely or accurately heard. Although the speaker has
the responsibility to ensure that what he or she said is understood, the reality is
that the listener must make some effort, too. Here are some steps to help clarify
what was said:
• Ask open-end questions to probe for further detail.
• Avoid asking leading questions to get the desired comment or response.
• Avoid coming to conclusions before the speaker finishes.
• Be cognizant of the speaker's choice and application of words.
• Encourage feedback through questioning.
• Keep all of your questions pertinent to the topic.
• Look for synchronicity between what was said and body language.
• Maintain two-way communication.
• Paraphrase what was said and verify for accuracy.
• Try to separate assumptions from facts and data.

Interpret
After clarifying what the speaker said, be ready to interpret the
message. Interpretation requires ascertaining not only the credibility
behind what the speaker said but also an understanding of what was
said. Here are some steps for interpreting a speaker's remarks:
• Avoid taking what the speaker says at face value by looking at
feelings as well as body language.
• Communicate your interpretation and verify its accuracy.
• Concentrate on facts and data, not perceptions.
• Distinguish between assumptions, and facts and data.
• Identify the main ideas.
• Pay attention to nonverbal communications to determine sincerity
about what is said.

Respond
Sometimes we have to respond to what the speaker says. Of the four
steps, this one is optional. Any response will have a physiological,
emotional, and psychological aspect to it. Here are some steps to
respond effectively:
• Be sincere.
• Conduct follow-up, if necessary, on any resulting request by the
instructor or the speaker.
• Demonstrate a physiological (e.g., body language) and
psychological response.
• Exhibit empathy rather than sympathy.
• Exhibit verbal and nonverbal cues that build bridges rather than
walls between the project manager and the speaker.
• Seek feedback on your response.

Why Few People Listen Effectively
 Listening sometimes does not come easy.
 Often, the difficulty is not because people are not
willing to listen but because they are unable to do so.
 Their mind does not allow them to see the total picture
because they are only able to see the world in one
dimension.
 This inability to listen using both sides of the brain can
cause miscommunication, misinterpretation, and
miscalculation.

Why Few People Listen Effectively (2)
 The result can be a listener who is unable to deal with not
only the logic of a relationship but with the emotional
component either.
 Hence, this asymmetrical use of the brain often results in
the inability of the listener to absorb all the necessary cues
from the person speaking.
 Effective and active listening requires, using both sides of
the brain. Unfortunately, few people understand this fact.
 Instead, they see this skill as one reflecting the use of the
right or left side of the brain.

Benefits of Effective Listening
• Enhances productivity
• Improves relations
• Avoids conflict
• Improves understanding
• Improves negotiation skills
• Helps you stand out
• People will appreciate it

Must Have Soft Skills for Engineers
Career Success
• While speaking, writing, and listening are everyday actions, many professionals
underestimate the importance of communication skills. Engineers tend to
prioritize technical skills over communication skills, not realizing that they cannot
be fully effective in their jobs if they are inadequate speakers, writers, and
listeners. Yet it is particularly in the engineering fields that effective
communication skills are crucial to success.
• In a survey conducted by the American Society of Mechanical Engineers of both
society members and nonmembers in engineering-related positions, respondents
said they believe communication skills -- such as business writing, technical
writing, public speaking, and presentation preparation -- are “crucial” for success
as engineers work in and among more varied groups.
• The interaction between stakeholders, whether it is internal in an organization or
external with partners or clients, is fraught with opportunities for
misunderstanding. That is why effective communication also involves listening,
which is an essential soft skill. Without actively listening to customers, clients, or
project partners, problem-solving becomes much more difficult and time-
consuming.

Engineers as Effective Listeners:
The Real Deal
• Listening is the ability to accurately receive and
interpret messages in the communication process.
• Listening is key to all effective communication,
without the ability to listen effectively messages are
easily misunderstood – communication breaks down
and the sender of the message can easily become
frustrated or irritated.
• If there is one communication skill you should aim to
master then listening is it.
• Learn more at:
http://www.skillsyouneed.com/ips/listening-
skills.html#ixzz3uz0Gwzys

Listening Exercises: Games to Improve
Attention
• Paying close attention to a speaker is the first requirement of active listening.
Maintaining attention isn’t easy, especially when the speaker or topic isn't
interesting. Improve attention skills with games that require players to observe
and remember details. Matching games -- like those that require players to
remember the location of concealed images or find discrepancies between
identical pictures -- build attentiveness. Make your own listening game out of
reading a descriptive excerpt to players. Ask the players to list as many specific
details as they remember, such as colors, dates, and names. The player who can
accurately recall the greatest number of details wins.

Listening Exercises: Concentration
Games
• Even when a college student consciously pays attention when listening, outside
distractions can break his concentration. Memory games improve concentration
skills by requiring players to recall images, sequences and patterns. To play a
listening-based memory game among a group of students, begin a story and
then instruct the group to take turns adding to the story. For example, start
with, “I’m going on vacation and I’m bringing my bathing suit.” The first player to
your right repeats the sentence and adds an item to the list. Continue until
someone breaks the order.

Here are five basic reasons we listen
ineffectively:
• Listening is hard work:
It's more than just keeping quiet. An active
listener registers increased blood pressure, a
higher pulse rate, and more perspiration. It
means concentrating on the other person rather
than on ourselves. As a result, a lot of people
just don't do it.

• Competition:
• In today's society there is enormous
competition for our attention from
advertisements, radio, TV, movies, reading
material, and more. With all this incoming
stimuli, we have learned to screen out that
information that we deem irrelevant.
Sometimes we also screen out things that are
important to us.

• The rush to action:
We think we know what someone is going to
say, and we want to act on his words. We jump
in and interrupt; not taking the time that is
required to listen to people and to hear them
out.

• Speed difference:
The difference between speech speed and thought
speed creates a listening gap. The average person
speaks at about 135-175 words a minute, but can
listen to 400-500 words a minute. That difference
between listening speed and speaking speed is time
spent jumping to conclusions, daydreaming,
planning a reply, or mentally arguing with the
speaker. At least that's how poor listeners spend the
time.

• Lack of training:
We do more listening than speaking, reading or writing,
yet we receive almost no formal education in listening.
Many people assume they are good listeners; few
actually are. The average employee spends about three-
quarters of each working day in verbal communications.
Nearly half of that is spent on listening. Incredibly, on the
average, the typical employee's listening effectiveness is
only 25%. In other words, three-fourths of everything
the employee hears is distorted in some way or quickly
forgotten.

Here's a recap of some of the bottom
line benefits of better listening:
• Improves relationships:
When you listen to somebody, it makes them
feel good about you, which leads to increased
trust and credibility and an increased willingness
toward cooperation. In organizations, this
generally means a reduction in turnover and
more of a commitment to the organization's
goals.

• Fewer misunderstandings:
Fewer errors results in lower costs, better
products and services, and higher profits.
• Better understanding:
Better listening improves the transfer of
information, improves teamwork, builds morale,
and leads to higher productivity.

Four Levels of Listening
• The Non-listener.
• The Marginal Listener.
• Evaluative Listening.
• The Active Listener.

CARESS Model
• Concentrate.
• Acknowledge
• Research.
• Exercising emotional control.
• Sense the nonverbal message.
• Structure

Concentrate.
• Focus your attention on the speaker and only
on the speaker. That will help you eliminate
environmental "noise" and help you "receive"
the message clearly.

Acknowledge.
• When you acknowledge your speaker, you
demonstrate your interest and attention. Your
acknowledgement encourages the speaker
and actually helps the speaker send a clearer
message.

Research.
• Gather information about your speaker, his
interests and objectives. This will help you
understand the message, ask questions that
prompt a more in-depth conversation, and
respond to the speaker in a way that promotes
communication.

Exercising emotional control.
• Deal with highly charged messages in a
thoughtful manner and wait until the entire
message is received before reacting.
Regardless of how provocative the message is,
you must concentrate on understanding it
first.

Sense the nonverbal message.
• What is the speaker saying with his body
language and gestures? Try to understand the
vocal and visual messages as well as the words
being spoken.

Structure.
• Structure or organize the information as you
receive it. This is what you should do with the
time generated by the gap between speaking
and hearing speeds. By organizing the
information as you receive it, you will improve
your retention and understanding of the
material.

A good example is an acting teacher who can
verbalize the word "oh" eight different ways:
• Oh! (Exclamation -- Oh! I forgot to mail the
check.)
• Oh! (Excitement -- Oh! Wow!)
• Oh? (Question -- Oh? Is that right?)
• Oh (Passion -- Oh ... I love opera.)
• Oh (Disgust -- Oh, not peas again!)
• Oh (Pain -- Oh, my arm hurts.)
• Oh (Disbelief -- Oh, yeah?)
• Oh (Boredom -- Oh. How interesting.)

Voice Qualities:
1. Resonance - The ability of one's voice to fill space; an
intensification and enrichment of the voice tone.
2. Rhythm - The flow, pace, and movement of the voice.
3. Speed - How fast the voice is used.
4. Pitch - The tightening or relaxing of the vocal cords;
the highness or lowness of sound.
5. Volume - The degree of loudness or intensity of the
voice.
6. Inflection - The changes in pitch or volume of the
voice.
7. Clarity - The crisp articulation and enunciation of the
words.

Types of Feedback:
• To improve the accuracy and clarity of a message
during a conversation, use clarifying feedback
statements such as the following:
• Let me be sure I understand what you have said.
• Let's see if I can review the key points we've
discussed.
• I hear you saying...
• I think I hear you saying that your central concern
is...
• As I understand it, your major objectives are....

Clarifying feedback statements can
also end with the following:
· Did I understand you properly?
· Did I hear you correctly?
· Was I on target with what you meant?
· Were those your major concerns?
· Can you add anything to my summary?

Nonverbal Feedback:
• Many of us can remember when the word
"vibes" was in vogue. Both good and bad vibes
are the result of a direct form of nonverbal
feedback. By using their bodies, eyes, faces,
postures, and senses, people can communicate a
variety of positive or negative attitudes, feelings,
and opinions.

Fact Feedback.
• Fact feedback is asking a specific, closed question
or making a specific statement of the facts as you
know it and asking for verification.

Feeling Feedback:
A firm understanding and clarification of the words, phrases,
and facts of messages are obviously important. However, this
increased accuracy in communications still only stays on the
surface of the discussion. It is also important to know why the
person is saying the things she is saying.
What are the underlying causes and motivations behind her
message and her facts?
How much personal feeling does her message carry for her?
How does she really feel about what she is saying to you?
Does she know whether her message is really getting through
to you at the feeling level?
Is she aware that you really care about what she is saying to
you?
• All these questions underscore the importance of feeling
feedback in two-way communications.

The Keys to Effective Feedback:
• Give and Get Definitions.
• Don't Assume.
• Ask Questions.
• Speak the Same Language.
• Stay Tuned In.
• Give Feedback on the Behavior, Not the
Person.
• Withholding Feedback.

• There are a number of guidelines toward giving
feedback effectively, i.e. so that it can be used
constructively rather than incurring overly
defensive reactions. The following points are
recommended by Levinson (quoted in Goleman,
1996 p.153):

Be Specific: Feedback should highlight specific events
or examples rather than just general advice. It should
also be specific about what the person did. (Avoid
generalizations i.e. words such as ‘never’, ‘always’, ‘all’
etc).
Offer a solution: Feedback should suggest ways of
resolving any problems. There is little or no point in
offering negative feedback where there is no way that
a person can improve.
•Deliver the feedback face to face.
•Be sensitive: This is simply a reminder that feedback,
even negative feedback, should be delivered in a
positive way rather than simply attacking the other
person.

Still further characteristics of effective feedback beyond
those mentioned, are offered by McClure (2005, P.9):
• Feedback should be regular.
• It should be reciprocal.
• It should include recommendations for improvement.
• It should deal with decisions and action rather than
assumed intentions or interpretations.
• It should be based on information which is objective
by first hand observation.

Listening Exercises: Additional
Resources
 http://blog.trainerswarehouse.com/communication-and-
listening-exercises/
 https://blog.udemy.com/listening-skills-exercises/

Summary
• Spend more time listening, and less time
talking.
• Find interest in the other person.
• A Good listener keeps the communication
path open.
• Read between the lines, a message has
both content (words) and feelings.
• Take notes, we think faster than we talk.
• Assume the proper stance, assuming the
stance of an attentive listener can actually
improve listening.
• Beware of your filters, people have
different filters based on their cultures,
upbringing and genders. Men and women
often have different kinds of filters that
can cause listening problems.

References
• http://www.ittoday.info/Articles/Applying_Listening.htm
• https://adanders.wp.d.umn.edu/fa15sec3/two-ears-one-
mouth-why-listening-is-more-important-than-talking/
• http://www.skillsyouneed.com/ips/listening-skills.html
• http://www.forbes.com/sites/womensmedia/2012/11/09/
10-steps-to-effective-listening/

References
• http://www.educationcorner.com/listening-skills.html
• http://blog.readytomanage.com/top-20-best-books-on-
communication-and-listening/
• http://www.engineering.com/Jobs/JobArticles/ArticleID/5
630/Which-Communication-Skill-Is-Most-Important.aspx

Suggested Readings
• Power Listening: Mastering the Most Critical Business Skill of
All, by Bernard T. Ferrari, 2012
• Active Listening 101: How to Turn Down Your Volume to Turn Up
Your Communication Skills Kindle Edition, by Emilia Hardman
• The Lost Art of Listening, Second Edition: How Learning to Listen
Can Improve Relationships Kindle Edition, by Michael P. Nichols
• http://www.wolaver.org/teaching/listeningskills.htm
• http://www.slideshare.net/smileyriaz/listening-skills-11545165

Interpersonal Communication, Listening and Feedback

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