Running head Design Project Proposal .docx

Running head: Design Project Proposal
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Design Project Proposal
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Design Project Proposal
Project Proposal
“Smart Quiz” is an application for general quiz and it helps
everyone to attend their quiz through friendly interface. UI we
are developing will asks first everyone to register in that they
will get options to select interested topics (ex: sports, general
knowledge, politics, movies, colors, shapes, etc). Our
application targets all groups of audience and every age.
Depends on age and their interest they will get the quizzes.
The application proposed will be a multi model which can be
accessed or used on both mobile and web browser.
Our major source of information is from internet, articles,
textbooks etc. This application requires internet, the data
related to quiz and new quizzes will be updated in a timely
fashion that users will always find new quizzes whenever they

come back.
As the application is designed to target all groups of audience it
will be simple with minimum options and buttons on screen and
the type of quizzes would be related to different topics with
different levels.
There will be majorly 3 screens in total , one is the profile and
registration screen, second screen would be quiz screen which
has a question and four options for user to select with a next
button, once user clicks next it will populate next question until
10 questions. Once all the questions are answered there will be
a result page with score and correct answers for questions which
is third screen.
And to make the application more interactive more buttons and
screens can be added during the process of development.
Login Screen:
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Responding Really
Responding to Other

Students' Writing
Richard Straub
Richard Straub lives on the borders of Tallahassee and teaches
courses in writing, rhetoric, and literature at Florida State
University. The focus of much of his work is on reading,
evaluating,
and respondmg to student writing. He is from Dunmore,
Pennsylvania.
Okay. You've got a student paper you have to read and make
comments on for
Thursday. It's not something you're looking forward to. But
that's alright
h k Th · ' • you
t m . ere tsn t really all that much to it. Just keep it simple.
Read it quick-
ly and . mark whatever you see. Say something about the
introduction.
about details and examples. Ideas you can say you like. Mark
any
t) pos and spelhng errors. Make your comments brief.
Abbreviate where pos-
Sible. good mtro, gn·e ex,frag. Try to imitate the teacher. Mark
what he'd
mark and sound like he'd sound. But be cool about it. Don't
praise anything
really, but no need to get harsh or cut throat either. Get in and
get out. You're
okay. I'm Pkay. Everybody's happy. What's the problem?
Th1s 1s. no doubt, a way of getting through the assignment.
Satisfy the
teacher and no surpnses for the writer. It might just do the trick.

But say ou
want to do a good job. Say you're willing to put in the time and
lllne IS light and you know it's not going to be easy-and help
the writer look
hack on the paper and revise it. And maybe in the process learn
something
1.16
Responding-Really Responding-to Other Students' Writing 137
more yourself about writing. What do you look for? How do you
sound? How
much do you take up? What exactly are you trying to
accomplish? Here are
some ideas.
How Should You Look at Yourself as a Responder?
Consider yourself a friendly reader. A test pilot. A roommate
who's been asked
to look over the paper and tell the writer what you think. Except
you don't just
take on the role of The Nice Roommate or The Ever-faithful
Friend and tell
her what she wants to hear. This all looks good. I wouldn't
change a thing.
There are a couple places that I think he might not like, but I
can see what
you're doing there. I'd go with it. Good stuff You're supportive.
You give her
the benefit of the doubt and look to see the good in her writing.
But friends
don't let friends think their writing is the best thing since The
Great Gatsby
and they don't lead them to think that all is fine and well when
it's not.

to help this friend, this roommate writer-okay, this person in
your class-to
get a better piece of writing. Point to problems and areas for
improvement but
do it in a constructive way. See what you can do to push her to
do even more
than she's done and stretch herself as a writer.
What Are Your Goals?
First, don't set out to seek and destroy all errors and problems
in the writing.
You're not an editor. You're not a teacher. You're not a cruise
missile. And
d0n't rewrite any parts of the paper. You're not the writer;
you're a reader. One
of many. The paper is not yours; it's the writer's. She writes.
You read. She is
in charge of what she does to her writing. That doesn't mean
you can't make
suggestions. It doesn't mean you can't offer a few sample
rewrites here and
there, as models. But make it clear they're samples, models. Not
rewrites. Not
edits. Not corrections. Be reluctant at first even to say what you
would do if
the paper were yours. It's not yours. Again: Writers write,
readers read and
show what they're understanding and maybe make suggestions.
What to do
instead: Look at your task as a simple one. You're there to play
back to the
writer how you read the paper: what you got from it; what you
found interest-
ing; where you were confused; where you wanted more. With
this done, you
can go on to point out problems, ask questions, offer advice,

and wonder out
loud with the writer about her ideas. Look to help her improve
the writing or
encourage her to work on some things as a writer.
How Do You Get Started?
Before you up and start reading the paper. take a minute
(alright, thirty sec-
onds) to make a mental checklist about the circumstances of the
writing. the
context. You're not going to just read a text. You're going to
read a text within
138 Behind the Scenes
a certain context, a set of circumstances that accompany the
writing and that
you bring to your reading. It's one kind of writing or another,
designed for one
audience and purpose or another. It's a rough draft or a final
draft. The writer
is trying to be serious or casual, straight or ironic. Ideally,
you'll read the paper
1th an eye to the circumstances that it was written in and the
situation it is
looking to create. That means looking at the writing in terms of
the assign-
ment. the writer's particular interests and aims, the work you've
been doing in
class, and the stage of drafting.
•
•

•
•
The assignment: What kind of writing does the assignment call
(or allow)
for? Is the paper supposed to be a personal essay? A report? An
analysis?
An argument? Consider how well the paper before you meets
the demands
of the kind of writing the writer is taking up.
The ll'riter's interests and aims: What does the writer want to
accomplish?
If she's writing a personal narrative, say, is she trying to simply
recount a
past experience? Is she trying to recount a past experience and
at the same
time amuse her readers? Is she trying to show a pleasant
experience on the
surface, yet suggest underneath that everything was not as
pleasant as it
seems? Hone in on the writer's particular aims in the writing.
The ll'ork of the class: Try to tie your comments to the concepts
and
strategies you've been studying in class. If you've been doing a
lot of
work on using detail, be sure to point to places in the writing
where the
writer uses detail effectively or where she might provide richer
detail. If
you've been working on developing arguments through
examples and
sample cases, indicate where the writer might use such methods

to
strengthen her arguments. If you've been considering various
ways to
sharpen the style of your sentences, offer places where the
writer can clar-
ify her sentence structure or arrange a sentence for maximum
impact. The
best comments will ring familiar even as they lead the writer to
try to do
something she hasn't quite done before, or done in quite the
same way.
They'll be comforting and understandable even as they create
some need
to do more, a need to figure out some better way.
The stage of drafting: Is it an early draft? A full but incomplete
draft? A
nearly final draft? Pay attention to the stage of drafting. Don't
try to deal
with everything all at once if it's a first. rough draft.
Concentrate on the
large picture: the paper's focus; the content; the writer's voice.
Don't
worry about errors and punctuation problems yet. There'll be
time for
them later. If it's closer to a full draft, go ahead and talk, in
addition to the
overall content, about arrangement, pacing, and sentence style.
Wait till
the final draft to give much attention to fine-tuning sentences
and dealing
in detail with proofreading. Remember: You're not an editor.
Leave these
sentence revisions and corrections for the writer. It's her paper.
And she's
going to learn he>t hy detecting problems and making her own

changes.
What to Address in Your Comments?
Try to focus your comments on a couple of areas of writing.
Glance through
the paper quickly first. Get an idea whether you'll deal mostly
with the over-
all content and purpose of the writing, its shape and flow, or (if
these are more
or less in order) with local matters of paragraph structure,
sentence style, and
correctness. Don't try to cover everything that comes up or even
all instances
of a given problem. Address issues that are most important to
address in this
paper, at this time.
Where to Put Your Comments?
Some teachers like to have students write comments in the
margins right next
to the passage. Some like to have students write out their
comments in an end
note or in a separate letter to the writer. I like to recommend
using both mar-
ginal comments and a note or letter at the end. The best of both
worlds.
Marginal comments allow you to give a quick moment-by-
moment reading of
the paper. They make it easy to give immediate and specific
feedback. You still
have to make sure you specify what you're talking about and
what you have to
say, but they save you some work telling the writer what you're
addressing and

allow you to focus your end note on things that are most
important. Comments
at the end allow you to provide some perspective on your
response. This
doesn't mean that you have to size up the paper and give it a
thumbs up or a
thumbs down. You can use the end comment to emphasize the
key points of
your response, explain and elaborate on issues you want to deal
with more
fully, and mention additional points that you don't want to
address in detail.
One thing to avoid: plastering comments all over the writing; in
between and
over the lines of the other person's writing-up, down, and across
the page.
Write in your space, and let the writer keep hers.
How to Sound?
Not like a teacher. Not like a judge. Not like an editor or critic
or shotgun.
(Wouldn't you want someone who was giving you comments not
to sound like
a teacher's red pen, a judge's ruling, an editor's impatience, a
critic's wrath. a
shotgun's blast?) Sound like you normally sound when you're
speaking with a
friend or acquaintance. Talk to the writer. You're not just
marking up a text;
you're responding to the writer. '{ou're a reader, a helper. a
colleague. Try to
sound like someone who's a reader, vho's helpful. and who's
collegial.
Supportive. And remember: Even when you're tough and
demanding you can
still be suppm1ive.

How Much to Comment?
Don't be stingy. Write most of your comments out in full
statements. Instead
of writing two or three words, write seven or eight. Instead of
making only one
brief comment and moving on, say what you have to say and
then go back over
the statement and explain what you mean or why you said it or
note other alter-
natives. Let the writer know again and again how you are
understanding her
paper, what you take her to be saying. And elaborate on your
key comments.
Explain your interpretations, problertls, questions, and advice.
•
Is It Okay to Be Short and Sweet?
No. At least not most of the time. Get specific. Don't rely on
general state-
ments alone. How much have generic comments helped you as a
writer? "Add
detail." "Needs better structure." "Unclear." Try to let the writer
know what
exactly the problem is. Refer specifically to the writer's words
and make them
a part of your comments. "Add some detail on what it was like
working at the
beach." "I think we 'llneed to know more about your high school
crowd before
we can understand the way you've changed." "This sentence is

not clear. Were
you disappointed or were rhey disappointed?" This way the
writer will see
what you're talking about, and she'll have a better idea what to
work on.
Do You Praise or Criticize or Vhat?
Be always of two (or three) minds about your response to the
paper. You like
the paper, but it could usc some more interesting detail. You
found this state-
ment interesting. but these ideas in the second paragraph are not
so hot. It's an
alright paper, but it could be outstanding if the writer said what
was really
bothering her. Always be ready to praise. But always look to
point to places
that are not working well or that are not yet working as well as
they might.
Always be ready to expect more from the writer.
How to Present Your Comments?
Don· t steer away from being critical. r:eel free-in fact, feel
obliged-to tell
the writer what you like and don't like, what is and is not
working, and where
: ou think it can be made to work better. But use some other
strategies, too. Try
to engage the writer in considering her choices and thinking
about possible
ays to impnwe the paper. Make it a goal to write two or three
comments that
look to summarize or paraphrase what the writer is .•aying.
Instead of tellillg
the reader what to do. suggl'.ll what she might do. Identify the
that

arL' for vou as You reader:
' .
Responding-Really Responding-to Other Students' Writing
• Play back your way of understanding the writing:
This seems to be the real focus of the paper, the issue you seem
most interested in.
So you're saying that you really weren't interested in her
romantically?
• Temper your criticisms:
This sentence is a bit hard to follow.
I'm not sure this paragraph is necessary.
• Offer advice:
It might help to add an example here.
Maybe save this sentence for the end of the paper.
• Ask questions, especially real questions:
What else were you feeling at the time?
What kind of friend? Would it help to say?
Do you need this opening sentence?
In what ways were you "a daddy's little girl"?
• Explain and follow up on your initial comments:
141
You might present this episode first. This way we can see what
you
mean when you say that he was always too busy.

How did you react? Did you cry or yell? Did you walk away?
This makes her sound cold and calculating. Is that what you
want?
• Offer some praise, and then explain to the writer why the
writing works:
Good opening paragraph. You've got my attention.
Good detail. It tells me a lot about the place.
I like the descriptions you provide-for instance, about your
grandmother cooking, at the bottom of page I; about her house.
in the middle of page 2; and about how she said her rosary at
night: "quick but almost pleading, like crying without tears."
How lVIuch Criticism? How :Niuch Praise?
Challenge yourself to write as many praise comments as
criticisms. When you
praise, praise well. Think about it. Sincerity and specifrcity are
everything
when it comes to a compliment.
How :Niuch Should You Be Influenced bv •
What You Know About the Vriter?
Consider the person behind the writer when you make your
comments. If she's
not done so well in class lately. maybe you can give her a pick-
me-up in your
comments. If she's shy and seems reluctant to go into the kind
of personal
detail the paper seems to need, encourage her. Make some

suggestions or tell
her what you would do. If she's confident and going on
arrogant, see what you
can do to challenge her with the ideas she presents in the paper.
Look for other
views she may not have thought about, and find ways to lead
her to consider
them. Always be ready to look at the text in terms of the writer
behind the text.
Good comments, this listing shows, require a lot from a reader.
But you
don't have to make a checklist out of these suggestions and go
through each
one methodically as you read. It's amazing how they all start
coming together
when you look at your response as a way of talking with the
writer seriously
about the writing. recording how you experience the words on
the page and
giving the writer something to think about for revision. The
more you see
examples of thoughtful commentary and the more you try to do
it yourself, the
more you'll get a feel for how it's done.
Here's a set of student comments on a student paper. They were
done in
the last third of a course that focused on the personal essay and
concentrated
on helping students develop the content and thought of their
writing. The class
had been working on finding ways to develop and extend the
key statements
of their essays (by using short, representative details, full-
blown examples,

dialogue. and multiple perspectives) and getting more careful
about selecting
and shaping parts of their writing. The assignment called on
students to write
an essay or an autobiographical story where they looked to
capture how they
see (or ha·e seen) something about one or both of their parents-
some habits,
attitudes. or traits their parents have taken on. They were
encouraged to give
shape to their ideas and experiences in ways that went beyond
their previous
understandings and try things they hadn't tried in their writing.
More a per-
sonal narrative than an essay, Todd's paper looks to capture one
distinct dif-
ference in the way his mother and father disciplined their
children. It is a rough
draft that will be taken through one or possibly two more
revisions. Readers
were asked to offer whatever feedback they could that might
help the writer
with the next stage of writing (Figure 14-1 ).
This is a full and thoughtful set of comments. The responder,
Jeremy, cre-
ates himself not as a teacher or critic but first of all as a reader,
one who is
Intent on saying how he takes the writing and what he'd like to
hear more
about:
Good point /lakes it more unlikely that you should be the one
to get caught.
Great passage. Really lets the reader know what you were
thinking.

Was there a reason you were first or did it just happen that way?
Would he punish you anyway or could you just get away with
things?
! k makes twenty-two comments on the paper-seventeen
statements in the
margins and live more in the end note. The comments arc
written out in full
statements. and they arc detailed and specific. They make his
response into a
hcly exchange with the writer, one person talking with ;mother
about what
hL··, said. 'ell over half of the comments arc follow-up
comments that
c·plain. rllustratc. nr qualify other responses.
Responding-Really Responding-to Other Students' Writing
Todd
ENG 1
Rick Straub
Assignment
Figure 14-1
•Uh, oh•
143
.
Wben I called home from the police station I wa• pray1ng
J""f'"·
th t father would anawer the phone. He would listen to what
I,..,,;,.....
a my d ld eact comely logical and in a manner that ..,,_..,.,

had to say an wou r ' 'd ff If ,,..,. ,-.......
would kee my mother from screaming her hea o · my ,
was to the phone I would have to explain myself quickly
order to her from having a heart attack.
When I was eleven year• old I hung out with a group of boy•
that were almost three years older than me. The five of ua did
all the things that young energetic Kids did playing ball, riding
b'k and getting in to trouble.Qaecauae they were older they
less-about gettin} in trouble the consequences of
1 th I did P"':r.L, ,....,.,, ... ..... "C. ... :;,-there act ons an · .. ,..
0.... • ..c. t.- C' .. ,Jtt ..J
H friends and I would always come home from schoo;. drop
our acka off and head out in the neighborhood f1nd
somethin; to dO;_/ our favorite thing to do was to ood .b: ...
41c.? construct1on cl.'tes and steal wood to tree f forts ihe w: s
"" _ ,-, ,') or skateboard ramps. So one day, home rom 00 ,
t? noticed a couple new houses being bu1lt near our
1 ,, ... ...., .. It was a prime cite for wood, nails, and anything e
se ve cc:'u
et our hands on. We di•cussed our plan on the bus and dec1ded
all meet there after dropping our stuff off at
h li remember being a little at hesitant fir•t because it va•
to my house but beyond the boundaries my parents had set
to•r •me -:so. Of course I went because I didn • t want to be the
odd man
.:r.,.,4.p=.uo...r out and have to put up with all the name I
dropped my

off and I headed to the construction c1te.
I meet my friends there and we began to search the different
"''...,h.) houses for wood and what not. We all picked up couple
c:'f
things and were about to leave when one of my fr1enda not1ced
a
what looked to be a big tool shed off behind one of the houses.
It looked promieing so we decided that we should check it out.
Two f the boys in the group said that they had all the vood they
carry and said they were going home. The rest of us
headed down to the shed to take a look.
once there we noticed that the ehed had been broken in to
reviously The lock on it had been busted on the hinges were
bent I oPened the door to the shed and stepped inside a
my friends waited outside. It was dark
1,: but I could tell the place had been ransacked, was noth1ng
..... take 80 I decided to leave, I heard my to aay some
thing so turned back around to site of them away. Il d
thought that they were playing a joke on me so I casually wa
,/'
contmues
The comments focus on the content and development of the
writing, in
line with the assignment, the stage of drafting. and the work of
the
They also view the writing rhetorically, in terms of how the text
has certam

effects on readers. Although there are over two dozen wordmg
or sentence-
level errors in the paper, he decides, wisely, to stick with the
larger matters of
writing. Yet even as he offers a pretty full set of comments he
doesn't ever take
control over the text. His comments are placed unobtrusively on
the page, and
he doesn't try to close things down or decide things for the
writer. He offers
praise. encouragement, and direction. What's more, he pushes
the Titer to do
144
continued
Behind the Scenes
•
out a cop car parked near one of the houses under
o · soon as I saw that cop car I took off but was
stopped b1g hand pulled at that back of my shirt. I
watched my fr1ends run until they were out of cite and then 1
turnl'!'d around.
The cop had me sit in the squad car while he asked me
quest;ons. He asked me if I knew those kids that ran off and r
said Nnnnnoooooooo•. He asked me if I had broken in to that
shed and I said The cop wrote down what I was
saying all the while shaking his head. Then he told me that 1
wasn't being arrested but I would have to go down to the station
to call parents and have them pick me up. Upon hearing that I

soiled my undershorts. "My God, I'm dead. My mom is going
to lull me•.
At the station th7 officer showed me the whole station,
Jall cells and everyth1ng. An obvious tactic to try and scare
1"::5 me, which worked: That plus. the thought of my mom
answering the
(I..,<? J ":phone and me try1ng to expla1n what happened
nearly made me sick.
t! You're where?" She would say.
•The police station mom,• uh oh, hear it comes.
"Ocooohhhh my God, my son ie criminal,• so loud I would have
to pull the away from my ear.
She this uncanny ability to blow things out of
,._,.._.. proportion right from the start. She would assume the
worse and
s-.. then go from the:e. This was a classic example of vhy I
could
"-l b... J ""-'.. never go to her 1 f I had any bad news. She
would start
c-..,.,,'-:,,_ get.upset, and then go bitch at my father. My father
a pretty back but vhen ever my mother started yelling at
.J abc·Jt .me, he would get angry and come chew me out worse
than
lf I had Just gone to him in the first place.
to answer the phone he would respond with

C''Jt. ra1s1ng hlS vo1ce. He would examine the .situation in a
manner and a decision form there.
•L1l".h.,..mmlong pause). Yo•J' re at the police station. •
"Yeah dad, 1 didn't get arrested they just had me come down
here so I had to tell you.•
so you get arrestedflong pause). Wellllong
pause), I'll come p1ck you up and will talk about then•.
Figure 14-1
1j y
? -11 .
J • ' '"' "" il
;p...r I feel 1 ike I can relate to my father much then r ca --G a._
to mother. He has a cool and collective voice that can take t
Jtl of any situation. I always feel like he understands me:v·· 6
l1'ke he kno...,.s what I'm thinking all the time. This comes in
real - -nc
" ""- (tfr handy when r get in trouble. t-r<.l. 1
jO h... "-'h .... ;,l , a
.... ...__f. _i. - J :n<o,...., fv"(jJ, .!Jb'-" • :','
r. _· J /.7,"' 7 '(.. ..J • ., "'-r ...,. __ . v .a· '-..1 ro._,f-1. .r
' '.J " t<. J • (} ""
, d,,.._j 1:... ,... ..... ,,_, 'JJ. .__,e.,
continues

more than he has done. to extend the boundaries of his
examination.
ln keeping with the assignment and the larger goals of the
course, he calls on
Todd in 'e-cral comments to explore the motivations and
personalities behind
hts parent< different ways of disciplining:
! !J he ypu cPul d say Ill Pre as to hy you think your mom is
like this.
Did your dad get into trouhlc as a kid so he know what it's
Explain why
he rca,·t-; as he dt>c<c.
He i, careful, though. not to get presumptuous and make
decisions for the
Hiter. Instead. he offers l1ptiuns and points to possibilities:
l'crh;lp' more on l't >u r tllltk r<cta ndi n g of w 11 y your
parents react as t hcv do.
"hat t>thn things did you do to l'l't into Or is it irrelevant'.' .
continued
-
Figure 14-1
1 called home. Sweet beading on my lip.
•Hello•, my mom said. Oh geez, I'm dead.
•Mom can I talk to dad?•
•why, what's wrong?"

•oh, nothing, I just need talk to him,• yes, this is going
to Work!
•Hold on,• she said.
"Hello,• my father said.
•Dad, I'm at the police station,• I told him the whole
story of what happened. He reacted exactly as I expect he
would.
•Uhhmmm(long pause}. You're at the police station .......... .
j:._ /.1<<- tz,._ enJ':S• it & lis the t<-._kr
wf><..-b 0 ,so'"j &> h<..pf'" """'"':] b> efk.. • ...,
Ph- st--(', 6j s b<p. GooJ pc..p-r, 1 f, O.r:. us,_
oF- rl.b f<::Jvc.., ,.....o-r-c. o11 ,j""-"' "" b.;,,J,"J
of wj pc,r-dt 6 '"-._c. 6 e0 tz.. 0 cl o.
From start to finish he takes on the task of reading and
responding and leaves
the work of writing and revising to Todd.
Jeremy's response is not in a class by itself. A set of comments
to end all
commentary on Todd's paper. He might have done well, for
instance, to rec-
ognize how much this paper works because of the way Todd
arranges the story.
He could have done more to point to what's not working in the
writing or what
could be made to work better. He might have asked Todd for
more details
about his state of mind when he got caught by the policeman

and while he was
being held at the police station. He might have urged him more
to make cer-
tain changes. He might even have said, if only in a brief
warning, something
about the number of errors across the writing. But this is moot
and just.
Different readers are always going to pick up on different things
and respond
in different ways, and no one reading or response is going to
address every-
thing that might well be addressed. in the way it might best be
addressed. All
responses are incomplete and provisional-one reader's way of
reading and
reacting to the text in front of him. And any number of other
responses, pre-
sented in any number of different ways. might be as useful or
maybe even
more useful to Todd as he takes up his vork with the writing.
All this notwithstanding. Jere my's comments are solid. They
are full.
They arc thoughtful. And they arc respectful. They take the
writing and the
writer seriously and address the issues that arc raised
responsibly. His com-
ments do what commentary on student writing should optimally
do. They turn
the writer b;JCk into his writing and lead him to reflect on his
choices and aims,

to consider and reconsider his intentions as a writer and the
effects the words
on the page will have on readers. They help him see what he can
work on in
revision and what he might deal with in his ongoing work as a
writer.
Sharing Ideas
• 'hat are your experiences with responding to other students'
writing?
Have you done so in other classes? How did that work out?
Were you able
to discuss your responses? In small groups or large groups?
Which situa-
tion did you like best?
• Do you have any papers where others have responded to your
writing?
Collect one or more and see how the responses stack up against
Rick's
guidelines. Having read his essay, what vmuld you say your
respondent
did well and needs to learn to do better?
• In the same way. after everyone in your small group responds
to a first
paper. go over those papers/responses together in a group and
look at what
was done and what could be done to improve the quality of
responses. In
addition. you might try to characterize each of you as a
responder: What
are your habits? What character/persona do you take on? Would
you like
to be responded to by the responder you find you are through

this group
analvsis?
• Look at Hint Sheet I in this collection. How do my suggestions
for
response to student writers sound the same or different from
Rick's sug-
gestions? Do we come from the same "school" of responding or
do we
suggest different approaches? Characterize the differences or
similarities
'OU find.
'
• Rick shows you a responder-Jeremy-and the comments he
wrote on
Todd's paper. If you were Todd. hmv would you feel about
Jeremy's
responses? Do you agree with Rick's analysis of Jeremy's
comments?
'hat three or four additional things would you tell Todd about
his paper?
• 'hat are your insights into responding? What has worked for
you? What
do you wish people would do or not do when they respond to
your writ-
i ng' 1 Vhat would make you most inclined to listen to
responses and use
them to change your wurk'.'
Stockwell 1

Hayden Stockwell
Dr. Keri Behre
WR 323
12 February 2019
The Crunge
The seat I was sitting on in the car was pressed and worn,
sweaty from the heat of the
summer road trip. The air inside the car was stale, with hints of
multiple fast food meals in the
air. Looking outside revealed only a bleak, dry landscape,
populated by rocks, dirt, and
Canadians. Clearly this was a view that was far from anything
visually interesting for an eleven
year old. My only form of entertainment left was the music
playing. Unfortunately entertainment
transformed into torture, as Robert Plant screamed “HEY HEY
MAMA SAID THE WAY YOU
MOVE GONNA MAKE YOU SWEAT GONNA MAKE YOU
MOVE” again for an inconceivable
amount of times. That is when I had developed a stubborn
vendetta against Led Zeppelin.
I was irritated often during my childhood years, although these
moments of irritation

were usually intentional. From when my little brother pulled the
classic “I’m not touching you!”
to my friends and I teasing each other as a mean-spirited form
of comradery, pestering on
purpose was consistent in my life. What would annoy me the
most however was when these
kinds of things happened accidentally, especially if I was the
only one who is conscious of
whatever would be going on. Something about Led Zeppelin had
gotten under my skin deeply,
so much so that from then on I would make sure others would
be from then on aware of my
suffering.
Stockwell 2
I maintained this disdain for the 1970’s superstar band for about
a decade. Whenever a
Led Zeppelin song went on the radio, the station would be
changed aggressively. My hate for the
band frustrated the rest of my family as well, as I would
immaturely groan and be passive
aggressive towards anyone playing them. As time passed my
visible distaste for the group

weakened, yet I still disliked Zeppelin.
Eventually I moved out of my parent’s house, meaning the
outside world had to now deal
with my unnecessarily aggressive stance against the artists. I
moved in with some close friends
from Portland State, and I connected with them really well. One
of my roommates was Sky, the
physical embodiment of raw power and fury against the
patriarchy, who also had some similar
tastes in music as me. She oftentime leaned towards music
that’s louder or more rebellious than
me, but it is all still music to my ears. Of course, the one
exception to this was that she saw Led
Zeppelin as one of the most important musical groups of all
time. Obviously we did not see eye
to eye, but I kept my views to myself. She did not.
Unfortunately the truth came out when we
had company over, leaving me at the mercy of Sky.
“Hey Hayden, what’s your most unpopular opinion?” she asked
me inquisitively drinking
her cider..
“Well, I have some strong opinions about Led Zeppelin,” I
meekly replied, knowing the

wrath of the apartment matriarch would be soon coming at me
with an unstoppable fury.
“Are you serious? You’re telling me you don’t like Zeppelin?
Coming from the guy who
only listens to old man music?”
“Yes.” I knew I was done for. Sky’s eyes furrowed towards me,
raised a single index
finger at my face, and took another sip of her cider. Now that
anytime music was brought up in
Stockwell 3
conversation, Sky berated me, typically in disbelief that I did
not like one of her favorite bands
of all time. Throughout the first months of living together, my
roommate was persistent in her
verbal attacks, and soon the cracks in my armor were starting to
show. I caved, and agreed to
listen to Led Zeppelin.
I stepped out into the living room, illuminated by a harsh glow
from my computer screen.
The only sounds from the apartment were my footsteps, and I
was careful to tread lightly so that

my roommates could sleep soundly. Sitting with a bounce in my
well used computer chair, I put
on my headphones, opened Spotify, and started playing
Zeppelin’s first self titled album.
Over the next few days I listened to the rest of their albums,
partly so I could say that I
had listened to them, but also because I was beginning to like
their sound. Some songs were
definitely a miss for me, but I was enjoying the most popular of
their songs. There was an aspect
about their sound; every drum kick felt like John Bonham was
smashing my chest in. The power
from some of their songs ignited my interest. I also started to
recognize some of the songs that
my Dad would play on repeat, and much to my surprise they did
not make me want to claw my
ears off of my head. But the rest of the songs did not feel the
same. There were as many lows as
there were highs, and I had been treading this middleground for
much of my listening
experience.
At this point I had listened to all of the Led Zeppelin albums
many times through, and my
point of view of the group had blossomed from fiery hatred to

overwhelming indifference. They
are not my favorite still, but I am not going to furiously change
the station whenever they are on
the radio now. I would not say that the group is overrated, but I
can recognize that they
Stockwell 4
influenced a lot of the sound of rock music during the 1970s.
They are adored by plenty of
people, and those people clearly like the band more than I did.
I was prepared to tell Sky that I had listened to the entirety of
Led Zeppelin, hoping that
my shift in perspective would lighten the barrage of quips from
her. As I walked towards Sky’s
door in our apartment, a chill shot up my spine. I knew that she
was always busy with her
classwork, I do not think a day goes by where she had not
locked herself in her room to work on
stacks of papers. I knocked softly against the cold, wooden
door, just to insure that I was softly
letting my presence be known. I knew Sky’s power, and I didn’t
want to give her a reason to use
it.

“Come in!” I heard Sky warmly welcome me to open her door.
As I stepped inside, I
immediately notice Sky was huddled inside a burrow of
blankets, her kind smile fixated towards
me. Her laptop was sitting on her nightstand adjacent to her
bed, displaying the talking heads
from CNN discuss the oh so stable political environment we all
were living in.
“Okay, so,” I started, “I listened to Zeppelin.” Sky’s eyes
widened, a grin curling up her
cheeks. Whatever I was going to say she knew she would have a
chance to chastise me.
“And?” she asked, looking for the weakness in my eyes, “do
you still hate them?” I
gathered myself, fulling prepared and aware of what was
coming.
“They were… better that I thought they were goi—”
“AH HA!” Sky exclaimed, denying me any satisfaction from
finishing my sentence. “I
knew it! I knew you were going to like them! I told you so! ‘
blah blah I don’t like Zeppelin
they’re the worst blah blah,’ HA!” I was expecting this, and
accepting of it all too. Just as long

as it would end the prodding, I was fine with it all. But much to
my surprise, Sky pushes this to
Stockwell 5
this day. As whenever any musical opinion is mentioned while
we are both in the room Sky will
give me a sly grin and side eye.
My personality is notoriously stubborn, so to me it is important
that I had this change in
perspective on something so minor as musical taste. Being more
open to things that I thought I
would never like benefited me as a person, getting me more
comfortable being uncomfortable,
broadening my horizons to new possibilities that I never thought
I would enjoy. Is a person’s
opinion of Led Zeppelin important? I would not say so, but the
fact that I had changed my mind
on something that I was so explicitly against for so long is
enough proof to me that I can change
my mind on anything.
Roberts 1

Spencer Roberts
Professor Behre
Writing 323, 10:00 am
February 12, 2019
A Young Man and a Drink
You’ve probably had a Mai Tai before. More than likely it
was on a menu with lots of pictures and wacky appetizer names.
You thought it’d be fun to try, after all, you were on vacation.
Unfortunately, what you got, was some combination of low-
quality spiced rum, orange juice from a box, and some kind of
sweet and sour mix labeled as “tropical juices.” It was served in
a fun glass with some partially melted ice cubes, a sickly-sweet
cocktail cherry and a wilted sprig of mint. Since then (and the
inevitable hangover) you’ve probably never ordered one again,
sure that the experience could never be any better, tropical
locale be damned. For many of my formative drinking years
(realistically 18-22, legally 21-23) I believed all of that
“cocktail” nonsense was just that: terrible tasting and an
unappetizing experience. Young me believed that in order to be
a real drinker, someone with refined taste and class, you needed
to enjoy the finer alcohol without any kind of mixer or additive.
I imagined myself at parties or bars, a heavy, hand-cut crystal
glass in my hand, swirling a responsible pour of the magical
elixirs of bourbon or scotch. If you had asked me a decade ago,
whether I’d find myself regularly making and enjoying drinks
with vivid colors, burning sticks of cinnamon, and garnished
with beautiful flowers, I’d have turned my nose up at the very
thought and your clear lack of taste when it came to booze.
Today, I wish I had started a lot sooner.
I came of legal drinking age when everyone’s favorite
whiskey connoisseur entered the scene: Don Draper. As a sucker
for pop culture, and as a young man in search of his masculine
identity, I felt a connection to the way Draper carried himself.
If he ordered bourbon on the rocks, that next weekend you can
be sure I was ordering bourbon on the rocks. If he enjoyed an

Old Fashioned on one episode, I was at my local watering hole
trying to figure out what was really that enjoyable about an Old
Fashioned. Today I know better than to lionize men like Draper,
but at this time in my life, I was yearning to present myself as
someone more than barely passing college with a crappy retail
job. Draper’s life was glamorous: he wore suits every day, had a
killer apartment and job, people listened when he spoke. He was
everything I was yearning to be. Our one common denominator
was the way drank: bourbon or whiskey, straight or on the
rocks. Looking back, it was clear that through my new found
ability I was looking for something to identify with. Throughout
my youth I had not experienced everything that a character like
Don Draper espoused: freedom, uniqueness, charisma.
By this point, older me is shaking his head and wondering why
I’d think it was ok to idolize such a toxic character. Problematic
as his character was, my younger self felt a connection to
someone creative and enigmatic. At the time, I didn’t realize
how the “positive” traits I saw were so clearly toxic and
troubling. Looking back it’s clear that my masculine identity
was impressionable and it latched on to this nostalgic fictional
character. I was so concerned about how I looked and acted,
that I didn’t stop to consider the realities of the man I was
trying to be. My personality, tied up in a glass of brown liquid,
seemed at odds with the kind of person I wanted to be: kind,
compassionate, empathetic. It took some time, but eventually
my opinion changed. This time, I would embrace who I truly
was inside and not feel like I was any less of a “man.” Of
course, it all happened by way of the magic and mysticism of a
Tiki drink.
Making a cocktail is hard work. Once you’ve had a good
cocktail, it’s difficult to go back to your standard ‘Jack and
Coke.’ There’s something about the preciseness of the
ingredients and steps that makes it more akin to baking than
cooking: too much of one ingredient can overpower the other,
too heavy on the alcohol can result in a harsh aftertaste. It
seems inconsequential, but I believe the careful and expertise

with which my first Tiki drink was made at Hale Pele here in
Portland resulted in completely changing my perspective. The
Mai Tai represented the opposite of what I had adopted as my
persona over the past several years. It was unabashedly fun, no
hint of pretention and had not one, but three different kinds of
garnish.
The experience of Hale Pele was entirely different as well.
Combined with a relaxed atmosphere (and the occasional
thunderstorm), my mood and behavior changed. No one here
was attempting showmanship. I felt more at ease than I ever had
before. It sounds silly, especially considering all this happening
in a bar, but everyone sitting there seemed like they wanted to
escape and spend an hour away from the cold Portland air. After
taking a seat, I took a moment to inhale the smell of fresh lime
juice and mint, burnt cinnamon floating through the air. The
dim lights from the various blowfish lamps barely illuminating
the space, it felt as though we were in a place that was fleeting
and shouldn’t be mentioned outside the front door. As our
server set the drinks down, letting the crushed ice spill all over
the table, the drink made it clear that I had been suffering
foolish ideas and presumptions for far too long. It was time to
give in, enjoy the moment, and forget about Don Draper and his
decidedly un-fun liquors.
After we climbed out the bar, the frigid air started to wake us
up, and eventually I stumbled into my ride share. After getting
home and feeling my eyes droop with sleep, I took the time to
appreciate that a new world had opened for me. To be happy
and comfortable with yourself is always a challenge. What if
other people don’t like you for who you are? What if they don’t
agree with how you see the world? It can be dangerous to let
people in, but completely necessary to building your life. As
time passed, I was adopting a more convivial and enjoyable
persona, the one I knew I had been all along. What I found was
that making drinks and cooking for people gave me purpose and
joy. Part of this process included dismissing the notions I had
about masculinity, enabling me to enjoy life more. As I sought

new male role models, I looked for ones who wrote, ate,
cooked, drank, and loved passionately without worrying what
others might think. As time progressed and my collection of
Tiki mugs and Hawaiian shirts grew, I was able to leave Don
Draper’s contrived and archaic way of thinking behind. It took
time, but embracing myself and my true nature made me a
happier and healthier person.
Write a personal narrative essay about an experience in which
you opened your mind about a previously held belief through
recognizing another person’s perspective. You should begin
your narrative within the moment itself, using background
information only as it is pertinent and necessary: in other
words, you should use your words to reconstruct one (or
several) moments of time for your audience, saving any
reflective explanation that is not pertinent to the events for your
conclusion. This paper should be about an experience that is
unique to you; please do not use something that you were taught
in a class or learned as a group. Outside sources are not needed
for this essay. 4-5 pages
Keep your audience – your fellow members of our WR 323 class
– at the forefront of your mind as you write. Tell a story that
they will be interested in reading. Feel free to talk with family
or friends who knew you during the shift you are describing.
Also consider that our memories of an event will naturally
exclude certain details (perception! perspective!), so you may
wish to augment your memory or supply/change names, places,
dates or rearranging details if it more helpfully conveys your
point.

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