Stanford Class Presidents, Session One, Feedback

Feedback &
Photo by Ashraful Kadir [link]
Coaching, Part 1
January 7, 2015
Ed Batista
@ the Stanford Class Presidents

Photo:SethAnderson
Who am I?
Executive coach
Instructor & GSB alum
www.edbatista.com
HBR Guide to Coaching Your Employees

Photo:SethAnderson
Why feedback
matters to me…
Touchy Feely
Changed my view of myself
Impact on my professional path & life

Photo:SethAnderson
& why coaching
does, too
Started as a client
Changed my view of leadership
Impact on my clients & GSB students

Photo by Alex Eflon [link]
Where are we
Today: Feedback as an interpersonal skill
Next time: Coaching as a leadership tool
going?

How will we
Discussion (~40 min)
Exercises & debriefs (~1 hr 15 mins)
Work as a group & in pairs
get there?
Photo by Chloe Fan [link]

Concepts #1
Today’s headline
The simplest feedback model
Feelings
Photo by Lee Nachtigal [link]

The headline
Feedback is stressful
So critique with skill
& express more heartfelt appreciation
Photo by Garry Knight [link]
Read
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The simplest
When you do [X], I feel [Y].
feedback model
Photo by Ed Yourdon [link]

Feelings
Disclosing feelings = vulnerable
But feelings  influence
And vulnerability  closeness
Comfort with discomfort
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Concepts #2
5 levels
Hierarchy of needs
Safety, trust, intimacy
Social threat
SCARF model
Photo by Lee Nachtigal [link]

5 levels
Photo by Rita Willaert [link]
Richard Francisco
In what ways do we communicate?
Increasing levels of difficulty, risk & learning

5 levels1: Ritual
2: Extended Ritual
3: Content
4: Feelings About Content
5: Feelings About Each Other

5 levels
5: Feelings About Each Other
Hardest
Riskiest
Most powerful for feedback

Hierarchy of needs
Photo by Wilhelm Joys Anderson [link]
Abraham Maslow
What motivates us as human beings?

Hierarchy of needs
Physiological
Safety
Love & belonging
Esteem
Self-actualization

Hierarchy of needs
Parallels in groups & relationships

Hierarchy of needs
Psychological safety, trust & intimacy
Experiments, risk-taking &
vulnerability
Learning, self-
awareness & change
In groups & relationships…

Safety, trust,
Photo by Carly Lesser & Art Drauglis [link]
intimacy

Safety, trust,
intimacy
Safety = I won’t get hurt
Trust = I believe you & you believe me
Intimacy = We can make the private public
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Safety, trust,
intimacy
Feedback can create these qualities
But there’s a problem…

Can I give you
Photo by Robbie Grubbs [link]
some feedback?

Feedback and
Photo by Mykl Roventine [link]
social threat

Threat response
aka “Fight, flight or freeze”
Physiological
Photo by State Farm [link]

Threat response
Emotional

Threat response
Cognitive
Decision-making
Problem-solving
Collaboration

Social threat
(Some) social situations ≈ Physical threats
Many times/day
Most common location?

Social threat
Photo by Heisenberg Media [link]

Social threat
Physiological/emotional response plus…
Cognitive impairment
Decision-making
Problem-solving
Collaboration

Social threat
Result?
Massive communication failure
We give feedback ineffectively
We receive it poorly
Read
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Photo by Andrew Vargas [link]
SCARF model

SCARF model
David Rock
What social situations trigger a threat response?
How can we minimize the risk of social threat?
How can we create safety?
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SCARF model
Status
Certainty
Autonomy
Relatedness
Fairness

Photo by Andrew Vargas [link]
Use the model
When giving feedback…
Be mindful of status
Minimize uncertainty
Maximize autonomy
Build the relationship*
Play fair*

Use the model
When getting feedback…
Cultivate in-the-moment awareness
Recognize our threat response
Manage our emotions
Slow things down

Photo by Harsha KR [link]
Relationships

Relationships
John Gottman
What characterizes successful relationships?

Relationships
Feeling known by the other
A culture of appreciation
Responding to “bids”
Mutual influence
Read
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The net
David Bradford
How to improve communication?
How to minimize defensiveness?
How can we play fair?

The net
Me You
Your
response
My
behavior
My
intention

What I know
Me
My
intention
My
behavior

What I don’t
You
Your
response

What you know
You
Your
response
My
behavior

What you don’t
Me
My
intention

Use the model
Intent ≠ impact
My intention doesn’t guarantee your response
Impact ≠ intent
Your response wasn’t necessarily my intention

Use the model
Stay on our side of the net
Focus on observed behavior
Disclose our response
When you do [X], I feel [Y].

Use the model
Result?
Lower risk of social threat
Less chance of defensiveness
Increased sense of fairness

To sum up
Photo by Pranav Yaddanapudi [link]

To sum up
Build safety, trust & intimacy
Use the models
Minimize social threat
Less stressful feedback
More learning

Thank you!
Photo by Brett Casadonte [link]
www.edbatista.com

Stanford Class Presidents, Session One, Feedback

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Stanford Class Presidents, Session One, Feedback