[You+Me] Finding Intimacy in the Mundane

[You + Me]finding intimacy in the mundanethalithnasiradvised by shaowenbardzell

What about the rest of the time?

We think of lifetimes as mostly the exceptional and sorrows. Marriage we remember as the children,vacations, and emergencies. The uncommon parts.“Highlights and Interstices” by Jack Gilbert

We think of lifetimes as mostly the exceptional and sorrows. Marriage we remember as the children,vacations, and emergencies. The uncommon parts.But the best is often when nothing is happening.The way a mother picks up the child almost withoutnoticing and carries her across Waller Streetwhile talking with the other woman. What if shecould keep all of that?“Highlights and Interstices” by Jack Gilbert

We think of lifetimes as mostly the exceptional and sorrows. Marriage we remember as the children,vacations, and emergencies. The uncommon parts.But the best is often when nothing is happening.The way a mother picks up the child almost withoutnoticing and carries her across Waller Streetwhile talking with the other woman. What if shecould keep all of that? Our lives happen betweenthe memorable. I have lost two thousand habitualbreakfasts with Michiko. What I miss most abouther is that commonplace I can no longer remember.“Highlights and Interstices” by Jack Gilbert

The mundanea tool for mediating intimacy

Jamie livingstonePhoto of the Day

“Weirdly, seeing your empty soup bowl was one of the more intimatemoments of our relationship.”

Non-verbal communicationRegister, Henley 1992

Self Disclosure, Expressive actsVetere, Gibbs 2005

Reciprocity(Vetere, Gibbs 2005; Bardzell, et al 2010)

Self Disclosure, Expressive Vetere, Gibbs 2005

I really like that [he] used interesting pictures to make me happy and cheer me up after I told him that I was not having a great time. It's much more interesting and thoughtful than to just say "I'm sorry" or "Cheer up".

I only really got to see a computer and a conference table, but it was cool to have some sense of where she spends 20 hours a week.

Self-Disclosure(Vetere, Gibbs et al 2005)

Destiny & Surprise(Register, Henley 1992),

When I began to take pictures without being prompted, I began noticing things in the world that she would like and actually having the thought "I can share this with [her]"

When I began to take pictures without being prompted, I began noticing things in the world that she would like and actually having the thought "I can share this with [her]" Behavior Change

When I began to take pictures without being prompted, I began noticing things in the world that she would like and actually having the thought "I can share this with [her]" Awareness

When I began to take pictures without being prompted, I began noticing things in the world that she would like and actually having the thought "I can share this with [her]" Presence in Absence(Vetere, Gibbs et al 2005)

I'm always curious about whether people are the same personality when they're with me as when I'm not there… I mean they could shed their skin and turn into a lizard when you're not around. Trust/CommitmentVetere, Gibbs 2005

I'm always curious about whether people are the same personality when they're with me as when I'm not there… I mean they could shed their skin and turn into a lizard when you're not around. I feel like I learned that his personality is very similar when I'm not there, which is very comforting. I'm even more trusting of who he is and I feel even more secure in our relationship. Trust/CommitmentVetere, Gibbs 2005

I'm always curious about whether people are the same personality when they're with me as when I'm not there… I mean they could shed their skin and turn into a lizard when you're not around. I feel like I learned that his personality is very similar when I'm not there, which is very comforting. I'm even more trusting of who he is and I feel even more secure in our relationship. Trust/CommitmentTransformationRegister, Henley 1992

Summary of studiesEmotionalAwarenessSelf-disclosureDestiny & SurpriseBehavior ChangeReciprocityTrustExpressive Acts

Key principlesWhere do we go from here?

ReflectionRandomnessIntimacy in the MundaneAn Audience of One

Future directionsWhere do we go from here?

Thank youBinaebiEmilyJames“Natasha”“Zubair”,“Lilly” “Bill”AbhiJaclynXuanBurrThe Design ClubHCI/d CohortShaowenRachelMartyErik,EliMoeCaseyMatt Obrakta

Image creditshttp://www.flickr.com/photos/bengoode/485365403/sizes/l/in/set-72157600201445020/http://www.flickr.com/photos/wa-j/2550472538/sizes/l/ http://www.flickr.com/photos/mon_oeil/2262300204/sizes/o/ http://www.flickr.com/photos/jay_que/2649304833/sizes/l/http://www.flickr.com/photos/smilekerry/3224201623/sizes/l/http://www.flickr.com/photos/markjsebastian/2347290530/sizes/l/http://www.flickr.com/photos/viriyincy/4141948052/sizes/l/http://www.flickr.com/photos/simonmiller/169060848/sizes/o/http://www.theyoungestcandidate.com/main/Portals/0/twitter_logo.png

[You+Me] Finding Intimacy in the Mundane

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