Understanding Self

Editor's Notes

• #14: Objective: To help participants understand their level of communication skills   Description Turn to the Participants handbook on “ How Effective Are Your Communication Skills? Give them 5 - 10 minutes   (Page 4 of participants handout.)
• #15: Teaching a class Job Interview Group discussion Asking for a raise Presenting your idea Yearly Appraisal At a Business dinner Client interaction Issue Instructions to your staff Thank you Speeches Team Meetings Brain storming sessions This is just to emphasize the different occasions when a person will be required to communicate. There could be several more occasions..encourage the participants to come up with examples. 2-5 mins
• #17: Under Messenger you will talk about Being submissive/Passive; assertive; aggressive Business Dressing Preparation – doing your homework before a meeting/call/dinner etc. 2-5 minutes
• #18: Ask participants to see which clipart they most identify themselves with..   The worker who is banging his head into the computer – resigned to his fate of working over the weekend : Submissive   The worker who looks pleasant and is still saying no. Assertive   The worker who is having a temper tantrum. He will either lose his job or will rant and rave over working on the weekend or worse still not work…but still rant and rave at home at the thought of working !! Aggressive. 5-8 mins
• #19: This will just summarize the activity on the previous slide.   5-10 mins
• #20: Keep it brief. As US President Franklin Delano Roosevelt said to his key staff, A good speaker will be brief be bright ... be gone!   Keep your language simple. Customers may only require the facts rather than a complete history of events. Use familiar everyday words. Straightforward speech is an asset when talking about complex subjects. Simple familiar language is most important when discussing technical information with non-technical people. Avoid slang, jargon, or ‘techno speak’. What is commonplace language to you may be unknown to your customers. Avoid language that is vague or too general. Vague, tentative language can produce misunderstanding, frustration, and errors. Slang or profanity is neither correct nor effective when speaking to a customer.   If the opportunity is there, plan your conversation . Each customer will have a certain knowledge level or experience level. They may understand the industry we work in. They may even have a certain social standing. Formulate your questions based on any information you have. Delivering a planned conversation to a level that will be understood will reflect a professional image by you to the customer. 5-10 mins  
• #21: You can break that 7% further down into sections: the type of words you use the sort of sentences you use how you phrase them. The rest is visual - your appearance, the sound of your voice and your body language. 3-5 mins
• #22: Ask everyone what they think self image is?? Where there differences in your perceptions? Has anyone ever had someone tell them, “O I never thought you would be like this!!”. That means what they “thought” of earlier was a perception !! Do you see areas for self improvement?   5-10 mins
• #23: They say “Don’t judge a book by a cover…but ask yourself… Have you ever done a double take when you see someone dressed funnily?? Have you ever pointed out a badly dressed or over exposed person to a colleague/friend?? Do you know that person?? Then why the judgment? Whether these perceptions are real or imagined, they underscore how your appearance instantly influences the opinions of strangers, peers, and superiors. Being well dressed in a corporate setting can influence not just perceptions, but also promotions The way you dress speaks volumes about who you are as a person and as a business communicator. Let's face it, clothes talk. Whenever you enter a room for the first time, it takes only a few seconds for people you've never met to form perceptions about you and your abilities. You don't have to utter a word; people peg you one way if you're dressed in jeans and a T-shirt, slacks and a sports coat, and yet another if you're wearing a bow tie and seersucker suit. Regardless of who you really are, your clothes and body language always speak first. 10 mins
• #24: Would a student counselor look appropriate in a little tight black dress? Would a CEO look appropriate in torn jeans and a body hugging sleeveless t-shirt? Would a corporate trainer look appropriate in a long tight skirt…she would look like a mermaid trying to cross the room!!! 5-10 mins
• #25: Discuss each question and subsequent answers with the participants.   10 mins
• #26: Authoritative, Conservative, and Competent. 2 mins
• #27: Trustworthy, Approachable, and Knowledgeable. 2 mins
• #28: People make assumptions about you based on your appearance at your first meeting Ask how many of the participants have seen the movie “Pretty Woman” Julia Roberts wants to buy new clothes. The sales assistants reject her because of the way she looks…big mistake. You are more likely to receive better service, command more respect, and get what you want if you are dressed and speak appropriately for your surroundings Shades of blue and gray are best. Black can be too serious, brown too casual. ALWAYS make sure that your underwear stays under your wears. Never, never adjust your underwear in public. 5-10 mins
• #29: Read out the joke…add humor and visual effect !! 2-3 mins
• #30: In business, you are dressing to have an impact on your bosses and teammates. If your clothes don’t convey the message that you are competent, able, ambitious, self-confident, reliable, and authoritative, nothing you say or do will overcome the negative signals emanating from your apparel. Betty Harragan, Games Your Mother Never Taught You 2-3 mins
• #31: Objective: Group members learn the importance of expression through body language Time: 20 minutes Description Activity using 6 volunteers. The rest of the group has to guess. Shyness using legs Disgust using arms Anger using fingers Enthusiasm using eyes Happiness using whole body Nervousness using face  
• #32: Let us now look at what you should do. What you do during a conversation has a major impact on the interpretation of the message received. Act out each one negatively: exaggerate for the audience!! Type of body language to be aware of (in yourself as well as others) are: Eye contact - Much here depends upon our personality, topic of the conversation and knowledge of the other person. Research has shown that we tend to look more at others when we like them! When in one to one discussions it is best to establish a comfortable eye contact with each other. Remember, if you are busy with some paperwork at the time, stop what you are doing and stand up.   Facial expression - probably the most important area in non - verbal communication. The face conveys emotions and feelings with far greater precision than words alone. For instance, happiness, anger, enthusiasm, disinterest, puzzlement, fear, surprise, etc. Keeping your emotions and feelings under control will aid you keep your facial expressions under control.   Postures and gestures - use of hand and arm gestures, body position and movements. Some of us are natural gesticulators and make great use of our hands and arms to illustrate what we are saying in conversation, while others make only limited use of gestures. Keep an open body stance with your hands in front of you at all times. And no hands in pockets!   Personal biases and prejudices - appearance and what we wear seams to have become extremely important in recent years. Clothes, accessories, jeweler, hair and even physique have a powerful affect on how we are perceived by others. With this in mind we should be aware of our own prejudices in this area, for instance: real men don't wear earrings, red is an aggressive color or women should not wear trousers at work! Appearance and grooming is probably the area many of us base our first impressions on. So, do not allow your own personal preferences or prejudices affect your judgment: Don’t judge people by their outward appearance.   Eg:Friend’s child, nose pierce, short skirt, long nails..friend said SON u’r not going out like that !!! Seriously when a person does not feel judged by you there is more likely hood of them choosing you.   Personal space - careful you do not invade an individual's personal space as this will look aggressive. A good indication for determining good distance is to stand at the distance you would normally shake someone's hand. Never be afraid to shake someone's hand. Handshaking breaks down barriers!   Orientation - make sure you face the person you are talking to. Remember that this along with good eye contact will show the customer you are actively listening to them. Observing what a person does while they are speaking has the most impact on message delivery of all the communication methods. So when listening actively in any interpersonal situation, not only are we using our ears but also our eyes. Of course we must always be aware that our interpretations of meaning in all the areas above are subjective. However, if we combine the use of effective questioning, active listening and observation, our judgments and contributions are likely to be more effective. We can all interpret body language but very rarely read the signals. Women do much better than men, and this is sometimes referred to as intuition. Most body language is conditioned, there is very little that is natural, body language that we are born with. The movement of the head to indicate “no”, and the eyebrow raised in surprise are two of the most obvious. Conditioned body language is what we generally see, body language that we are influenced to use whilst growing up. The nod of the head to indicate “yes”, the rubbing of the eyes to indicate lack of understanding and so on. So this means that there will be cultural differences in interpreting body language as well and we need to take this into consideration. 15-20 mins    
• #33: Ask the participants their definition of listening.   What's the difference between hearing and listening?   Is there any difference at all?   5 mins
• #34:   E.g.: you and your friend go to a mall. Do some shopping, watch a movie..have lunch together. Your mum asks you what the mall was like. You say it was great..nice cool AC environment, great décor, soft music playing etc. Your mum asks you…which track/artist were they playing…you think and respond by saying, “O I wasn’t really listening”!!   If you are not hearing-impaired, hearing simply happens.   Listening requires concentration so that your brain processes meaning from words and sentences.   Listening leads to learning.   Listening is hard!   WHY CHOOSE???   Have you ever said “Forget it I don’t want to listen to you??” Or has someone ever complained “Why don’t you just listen??!!” 5 mins  
• #37: Practice listening In the movie, "Michael", Andie McDowell's character asks Michael how he knew she wasn't who she said she was. He leans toward her and whispers, "I pay attention"! Listening is a verb.   Practice listening to what the other person is saying and not saying   Hutch sms example: a friend of mine was having problem with her Hutch connection. The same sms was sent several times. When she called the customer care service she complained that several sms’s going made her look bad and as if she did not have any other work. The customer care agent was very smart. He immediately read into what my friend was NOT saying. He advised her that she would not have to PAY for each time the sms went. My friend hung up…a happy customer.   Listen for opportunity for both of you. 5-8 mins  
• #38: Discuss the body language !! 2-3 mins