What to do with the problems you cannot solve?
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This document discusses how to deal with conflicts that arise in the workplace. It defines conflict as a battle over values, status, power or resources where parties try to get their own wishes fulfilled while damaging their rivals. Conflicts typically escalate through stages from disagreement to open hostility. The document recommends acknowledging conflicts early, recognizing them through communication deterioration and personal attacks, and changing one's reaction by identifying beliefs and capabilities. It suggests transitioning conflicts into collaboration by meeting to understand all perspectives, finding mutually agreeable solutions, and maintaining dialogue. Dealing with difficult people may require realizing they have a valid worldview and are acting from fear. The keys to resolving conflicts include having the intention to collaborate rather than manipulate and being open to unexpected outcomes
What to do with the problems you cannot solve?
- 1. What To Do With The Problems You Cannot Solve? By Mette Bruhn-Pedersen SQA Days 20 Minsk 24 Nov 2016
- 2. We Don’t Have Problems! Challenge Opportunity Small bump in the road Different way of doing things Just haven’t found the solution yet
- 3. Typical Characteristics Testing - A Conflict Prone Business? • Detail-oriented • Devoted • Perfectionist • Responsible • Want to do a good job Normal Day at Work • Tight deadlines • Missing requirements • Many defects • Unrealistic expectations (test it all)
- 4. What Is a Conflict? Do you have an example of a conflict?
- 5. Perceptions of Conflict Lewis A. Coser (1971) ”A conflict is a battle about values or a demand for status, power or resources, in which the conflicting parties not only strive to get their wishes fulfilled but also to neutralise, damage or eliminate their rivals” Sebastian Nybo (2009) ”A conflict reveals a difference in perception, from which there arises a tension that can either be used dynamically with the possibility to change opinions and perceptions or can lead to a destructive battle to force one position over the other.”
- 7. Acknowledge • See the conflict before it is too late • Realise how we interact
- 9. Open Hostility Almost don’t see the other as a person Make negative hurtful remarks about the other party You are either for me or against me Goal in this phase is to ”hurt” the other party Polarisation •Can hardly be in the same room together or perhaps workplace •The fight can continue even though physically separated •Can become physical Personalisation •See other party in a negative light •Begin to blame the other party •Begin to focus on personality not the problem Problem Grows •Old unresolved conflicts begin to resurface •Snide (sarcastic) comments are exchanged •Negative hurtful comments behind person’s back Communication Deteriorates •Interpret negatively what is being said •Feel misunderstood •Talk about the person rather than with them Enemy Image Have given up talking together The original problem is forgotten and replaced by a black and white vision of the world Energy is used on trying to get the other to apologise or surrender Disagreement •Focus on problem not personalitiess •Problem is solved and relationships maintained or strengthened •Willingness to listen and change point of view The Conflict Escalator Disagreement Personalisation Problem grows Communication Deterioriates Enemy Image Open Hostility Polarisation
- 10. Change • Why am I reacting in this way? • What can I do to change the situation?
- 11. Triune Brain Reptilian Brain Instinct, survival, eating, aggression, dominance, reproducing.... Responds by one of the 3-F’s Fight, Flight or Freeze ! Mammalian Brain Emotions, parenting, mood, memory, “value judgements.” Primate Brain language, abstraction, planning, self-awareness, logical analysis
- 12. Emotional Hijacked • You are not “yourself” PresentPast Future
- 13. What Can I Do? • Identity • Beliefs & Values • Capabilities • Behaviour • Environment Butterfly picture taken by Uwe H. Friese Bremerhaven, Germany. Source: Wikimedia Commons
- 14. Transition • The process or a period of changing from one state or condition to another • Turning conflict into collaboration
- 15. How To Start • Meet, acknowledge and understand • Look for and evaluate possible solutions • Commit to solutions • Maintain dialogue • Look for ways to increase the collaboration
- 16. The Conflict Triangle RescuerPersecutor You are not good enough You can’t do it. You never do enough It’s your fault. You are to blame You are not good enough. I am You can’t do it. I can. I can’t do it, You can. I am not good enough, You are. It’s not my fault. Its the others. I can’t do it I am not good enough I always do it wrong I never do enough You are not good enough. Good, so I am needed. Now I can’t take care of myself. Why do you do this to me? If it wasn’t for you, my life would be easier (Fight) (Flight) Victim (Freeze)
- 17. Collaboration
- 18. How to Deal with Difficult People? • They are in the conflict triangle so..... • They don’t know they are being difficult • Maybe its me ! • They have a solution that works with their model of the world • They are acting from fear at some level • BUT you have to still deal with this so…….
- 19. Critical Success Factors • Intention to collaborate – not to manipulate • Be open for AN outcome – you may be surprised • It takes two to tango – and two to collaborate • Sometimes there are just difficult people – we have to give up on them ..... • Don’t give up on yourself – ACT!
- 21. Summary • Conflicts are important sources of energy and inspiration • Stop the Conflict Escalator • ACT instead of react
- 22. Thank You! Contact Details: Mette Bruhn-Pedersen bruhnpedersen@me.com