WKA #2 - "Don't Look at Me" TRANSCRIPT.pdf

WHO KILLED ALASKA?
#2 - ADVENTURES: DON’T LOOK AT ME
written by
Cameron Cooper LeBrun

PARTY. INTERIOR.
BOO
(yelling above music) ’Scuse me! Sorry! Is that the bathroom? Over there? No, over there!
COREY GOODMAN
(yelling above music) ‘Ey! Curtis! Wazzup!
BOO
(yelling above music) Oh. Hey.
COREY GOODMAN
(yelling above music) It’s been a while. How you been? It’s been, like—
BOO
(yelling above music) Two years.
COREY GOODMAN
(yelling above music) So long, it’s been like—
BOO
(yelling above music) Yeah, two years.
COREY GOODMAN
(yelling above music) Two years.
BOO
Yes! Alright, hey, listen man, I gotta go. I’m feeling extremely claustrophobic right now.
COREY GOODMAN
(yelling above music) Oh, yeah. Okay, no worries. I just wanted to say, you’re such an
inspiration to everybody. Like, everybody.
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Sentimental piano music.
BOO
(yelling above music) I, hey, I did nothing. You have nothing to be inspired about.
COREY GOODMAN
(yelling above music) You’ve gone through a lot, man.
BOO
(yelling above music) You have nothing to be inspired about.
COREY GOODMAN
(yelling above music) Okay, well— yeah, okay, you have a good night!
BATHROOM AT PARTY.
BOO
Umm, where’d that thing go…
The flick of a lighter. Boo takes a fat rip from his bong. He chokes from hitting too hard
and breaks into a cough.
BOO
Uh. Uh. So, uh, hello. This is my audition tape to my future employers. Hopefully. Uh. I don’t
know how to start this. Y’know, I’ve been thinking about how I want to do this. Mmm. I’ve been
feeling uncomfortable, actually, from trying to figure out how to present who I am to you, but I
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was deliberating on that stuff, and I was like, y’know, why do I need to show you the best
version of who I am? Because that’s kind of a… it’s like a B.S. precedent. Um. So, uh, I figure
I’m gonna start right here and right now. Hello to whoever’s reviewing this audio. I’d like to do a
podcast for the Long Island True Crime Audio Project. My name is Boo Curtis, and I am famous
in my hometown as the person whose brother died.
That’s what people know me by. That is myyyy claim to fame, so to say. My brother died
two years ago by the day, he died while I was in high school, and while he was surfing people’s
couches. It’s Alaska’s second death anniversary, so we’re kicking off year 3 now. Alaska was
kind of a d-bag to be honest, and I’ve decided to do a podcast on the subject of that d-bag, who I
miss. A lot. His name was Alaska— Curtis. Maybe you’ve heard of him. Also, on that same night
that Alaska died, a friend of mine disappeared. That was Glory Johnson. She was my best friend.
She’s not as much of a news headline name, but this story is about Glory just as much.
Okay, I’ll confirm what you’re wondering, and uh, I’ll tell you that I am at— a gathering.
And, yeah, yes, I am recording this during pandemic times. Everything bad you’re thinking about
me is completely warranted, and tomorrow, I’ll go back to being a good person, or, at least,
trying to be a good person, whatever that entails. But at this specific moment, I just, I really
wanna be around people?
Knocking at the door.
4

BOO
Today is Alaska’s death anniversary and— Hold on, someone’s knocking— Occupied.
Occupied!
PARTY-GOER
I gotta piss!
BOO
There’s a sink in the kitchen! Okay. My brother, Alaska, was murdered, he was stabbed with a
knife— which is generally how stabbing works, actually. My friend disappeared the same night,
that was Glory Johnson. Remember that name. Really amazing person. Disappeared. It’s been a
long time, I’ve tried everything to make myself feel better about losing Glory and Alaska. And
um, right when I rock-bottomed with my life, somebody told me, that maybe… if I find out how
he died… I can bring Alaska back— from the dead. But that’s a long story, that conversation is
not happening right now. The point is, I was told I can bring Alaska back if I solve his death. I
choose to believe it. I’m going to find Alaska’s killer, because I want Alaska back, and also
because I’m tired of rotting around, and doing nothing, and waiting until I drop dead. Everything
changes from right now. I’m going to clean myself up. I’m going to solve who alert— murdered
Alaska. And I’m going to find Glory. And… and I’m gonna record it all for everyone to hear.
There are four suspects— there are just four of them! I’m going to find out who out of those four
people did it, and then, I’m going to bring the killer to justice. Okay, that was great. Maybe put
that at the beginning of the first episode. Like… So, this is… Now the podcast is happening!
Start— now! Podcast, go!
5

THEME SONG
BOO’S CAR. INTERIOR. SUMMER.
Car in motion. Alice is sitting shotgun. Dog sounds.
BOO
Hey, what’s up. My name is Boo Curtis. I’m the younger brother of Alaska Curtis, the stabbing
victim of Roslyn. I’m like a celebrity. Welcome to my car space, uh, which is also my home. So.
I’m gonna sleuth for whoever killed my brother, and while I’m doing that, I’m also gonna find
Glory Johnson, my friend who disappeared. There are four suspects. Today I’m meeting up with
all four of those guys and I’m going to be interviewing them about the murder. To help me out, I
have Alice— Alice, speak!
ALICE BARKS.
BOO
That’s my dog, their name is Alice. And yes, I indirectly named my dog after my dead brother,
don’t worry about it. That’s not sad, right Alice?
ALICE BARKS.
6

BOO
They’re backing me up— thank you, I appreciate that. So, uh, here we are, we’re picking up the
first suspect. We’re on our way to pick up Jo Magaro. Josephine Magaro, actually. She goes by
Jo for short. She’s a firefighter, and the firefighters here are, uh… you don’t want to be around
the firefighters here, but Jo is pretty harmless as far as I know. She’s not, as far as I know, she’s
not a white supremacist, um. Jo and I were both friends with Glory so Jo’s a friend of a friend…
Here we arrrre. We’re coming up on her place, we’re now at the house of Jo Magaro. We’re
going to interview her about the murder.
OUTSIDE JO’S HOUSE.
BOO
Damn. Her house is fucking huge. It’s like— almost as big as my parents’ house.
Boo calls Jo on speaker.
The phone rings several times.
Jo picks up.
BOO
Hey! Jo!
JO [speaker phone]
Heyyyyy! Oh my goodness, oh my lord, Boo Curtis, it’s been so long! Ugh, I can’t believe how
long it’s been!
7

BOO
Yeah! So, I’m in front of your house! I’m actually excited to talk, funny enough, like. I’ve
wanted to hang out.
JO [speaker phone]
No shit. You’re kidding me, are we meeting up right now?
BOO
Yeah, that would be… about now. It is currently 4:02pm.
JO [speaker phone]
(groans) Look at me! I’m such a dumb bitch, I planned this real fucking bad. I haaavvve zero
time to talk.
BOO
(projecting as if to be heard) Okay?
JO [speaker phone]
(away from phone) I’ll come, I’m just saying bye. (towards phone) Yeah I’m doing some favors
for my dear old dad right now, I gotta go.
BOO
(projecting as if to be heard) You gotta go? When are you coming?
JO [speaker phone]
Uhh— About— never.
BOO
Um… I don’t think you understand. I’m outside.
8

JO [speaker phone]
Aw, yeah, I know. I know. It sucks, I’m just so sad about it, like, for you. I really gotta go,
though, is the thing, it’s too bad. My dad’s waiting up ‘cause I’m helping out with family stuff
today, and with him it’s family first, all the time! But I’m so glad to hear from you! So
wonderful! Has anyone ever told you you’ve got a spectacular voice? It’s like butter, ugh! We’re
gonna hang out some time, Boo Curtis, just shoot me a text. We’ll figure it out.
BOO
Yeah, yeah. Okay. Cool.
JO [breaking up]
So awesome! Again, so glad to hear from you! Love it! Love all of it! Sounds like it’s going
well! I’ll see ya!
Call ends.
BOO
I’ll see ya.
DRIVING.
BOO
Okay. New take. (beat) Jo was unavailable, but here we are coming up on someone else, so this
is Emma’s place. Emma Wooten. Suspect 2 of 4. Emma and me were in a lot of classes together,
she wasss shy. But she’s cool, she’s nice. Apparently her and Alaska hung out a couple times but
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they were exact opposites, so, I don’t really know. I heard she’s in Roslyn again. She’s back from
college. So here we are. Let’s do this.
Turn signal.
Phone rings.
EMMA [voicemail through phone]
Heyo!
BOO
Hey, how’s it going?
EMMA[voicemail through phone]
So, can’t come to the phone. At the moment.
BOO
Oh.
EMMA [voicemail through phone]
But, I can totally call you back soon. So. Leave a message for me please. Unless you’re spam. If
you’re sending me spam, I will actually kill you. That sounds like a joke but it’s really a threat
actually. Do not leave me spam calls please. If you leave me a spam call, I will— I— wait—
MOM, I’M BUSY RIGHT NOW!
Beep.
10

BOO
Y’know, I totally thought you actually picked up and said hello. I said hello back and everything.
That would be like, a good prank. Did you do that on purpose? Bye.
Beat.
BOO LAUGHS.
BOO
Right now Alice looks how I feel. It’s okay, bud. Maybe, she’ll uh, call us back. We’ve… gotta
pick up Bobby, it looks like. Let me just— if I roll down the window, maybe I can— Okay.
Window is rolled down.
BOO
HEY! EMMA! IF YOU’RE IN THERE! AND IF YOU CAN HEAR ME! I’M HERE NOW! TO
PICK YOU UP! SO WE CAN ALL HANG OUT! AND TALK ABOUT THINGS! OKAY!
WELL! I’M GONNA GO NOW! LAST CHANCE! I’M LEAVING NOW! I LIKE YOUR
HOUSE BY THE WAY! IT’S A NICE HOUSE! PROBABLY BIGGER THAN NECESSARY
CONSIDERING SOME PEOPLE DON’T HAVE HOUSES! BUT IT’S GOOD!
Window is rolled up.
Engine starts up, gears are shifted, Boo’s car peels out.
11

BOO
Next is Bobby. Bobby Yorke. Let’s go meet him.
CUT TO LATER.
Phone rings. Bobby picks up.
BOO
Bobby?
BOBBY [speaker phone]
Don’t call me right now.
BOO
Uhh?
No no no. Don’t call me right now. Thinking. My… brain…
BOO
Uhhhh????
Stop it.
BOO
Bobby? You okay, man?
12

Boo? Boo, uh, sorry, it seems I wasn’t able to hear you, I… I’m coming to now, hold on. See, I
went into a trance. Wow. Wow, that was some tough work there. I’ve been wrestling with my
inner demons today, and for a second there they took a real hold on me.
BOO
Wow, Bobby, that’s, oof, so sorry to hear about the wrestling with your inner demons. So, we
were hanging out today, remember?
Yeah… I’m sorry, Boo…
BOO
(whispering) Ugh…
I don’t think I can. Thinking about that night… it’s pushed me into the deepest parts of my mind.
My inner demons [are taking] over…! I can’t get out of bed today, I’m just too busy.
BOO
So… to clarify… you’re gonna be busy with your inner demons?
Yuh-huh.
BOO
Soooo you don’t wanna… struggle with your inner demons while you’re in my car, or…
They’re too powerful, Boo. I need my complete concentration.
13

BOO
Right. Okay. That’s— that’s fine. We’ll hang out some other time.
Yuppers! That sounds good to me.
BOO
Yuppers… Yeah, okay, I’ll get out of your hair. Good luck with your… inner demons…
Yup yup! Bye! I love you!
Boo coughs out of surprise.
BOO
Thank you?!
Call ends.
BOO
He has changed so much since high school, and yet… not at all… Alice is making a face— no,
that was weird for me, too. I agree with you, that was wacky. That was too much, that was—
That’s Roslyn for you. Nobody cares about anybody else in this fucking superficial town. (beat)
Maybe this wasn’t a great idea. It seems like I’m getting signs that this wasn’t gonna work out.
Fuck, dude, like…
14

Someone knocks on the window.
BOO
LOGAN?
Again, Logan knocks on the window.
BOO
(mumbling towards) The last suspect is standing outside my car. Logan Goldberg is standing
outside my car. I don’t know why he’s here— Why is he here?
Car window lowers.
BOO
(projecting more) Why are you here?
LOGAN
Buenos dias, Little Curtis! It’s good to see you!
BOO
Uh-huh…
15

LOGAN
That was so funny, like did you like see I was just walkin my way home? And then I look over
there, and you’re there, parked, like a stalker. Crazy. Now you’re here, I’m here, we’re both here!
Hey tell me about this funky head-gear thing ya got. Why do you look like you’re about to go
skiing or something?
BOO
That, uh, it’s a long story.
LOGAN
Oh, (laughs) I figured it was like a medical problem. Hey are you gonna let me in? Or is this a
pay-to-enter situation? What’s the system? I don’t have any cash.
BOO
Uhhhh HOLD ON ONE SEC. I need to have a private discussion with my dog, sooo.
LOGAN
Um? With your do— wait what, your— Your dooOOG WHAT A STYLISH LITTLE MAN! MY
DUDE, YOU ARE FUZZY! What dog is he—- WAIT NO NO NO DON’T SHUT ME OUT I
NEED TO MEET THE DOG!
Boo rolls up the window.
LOGAN
Aw maaaan…
16

BOO
Why Logan? Why out of everybody, why Logan? We’re in a fucking pickle now. Alice, duck
your head, make it look like we’re deep in conversation. Look at me, bud! Good dog.
Logan is singing to himself outside.
BOO
Wait, okay, Logan’s a lot of trouble, but that’s not explicitly a bad thing. He’s the shadiest by so
much. There might be four suspects, but like. It’s Logan. There’s like a 75% chance it was him. I
just need to corner this dude and really grill him. The more pressure I give him the better. It’ll
work. Like, “I know you did it.” And if he didn’t do it, I might be able to still figure some things.
Okay, this is solid, we can roll with this.
Boo lowers the window.
BOO
We’re good. Come on in.
LOGAN
Thank god. I have to see that DOG!
Unlocks the car.
Door opens. Logan slips inside. Door slams closed.
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Window is rolled up. Boo turns the engine back on, puts car into gear.
LOGAN
What a good boy!
BOO
Please be careful where you put your feet. All of my belongings’re in this car.
LOGAN
I’ve got big feet! No promises!
BOO
So, if you’re so obsessed, this is Alice. My dog. Alice, Logan. Logan, Alice.
BOO
So I told you that I’m doing a podcast.
LOGAN
It came up.
BOO
So funny thing about that, I’m recording right now. D’you wanna introduce yourself?
LOGAN
Surrrre. Right now? Yeah so my name’s Logan. I like long walks on the beach and big strong
women especially ones with big boots that can step on my feet.
BOO
Cool cool. So Logan, you’ve gotta be comfortable talking about Alaska’s murder. You’re the only
one who actually showed.
18

LOGAN
I don’t have anything to hide.
BOO
Oh yeah?
LOGAN
Yeah, of course. I mean— obviously. You don't have to like, look at me like that, like. (laughs)
Wait, is Jo not coming? I’m the only person?
BOO
You’re the only one. It’s just you and me, buddy. So I have Logan here, he’s a suspect for
Alaska’s murder. He’s just sitting in the backseat of my car. Logan, do you have anything to say
to the audience?
LOGAN
I don’t really, but uh, I’ve got some questions for you. I’d like to know where we’re going.
BOO
That’s fair. We’re going to Stump Town. Specifically where Alaska died.
LOGAN
Why’re we going to Stump Town? Should I feel in danger of being murderized?
BOO
It’s the best place to talk about the murder. It’ll help us like recreate the events in our minds.
You’re gonna come with me while I try to figure out how Alaska died, and maybe you can give
me a few hints.
19

LOGAN
“Hints,” ok. I have another question.
BOO
Sure.
LOGAN
Why are you doing this now and not two years ago?
Boo hesitates.
BOO
I got into a car crash.
LOGAN
Okay?
Turn signal.
BOO
So if you look at my mirrors, they’re covered up, right? Sorry, I have to clarify this more for the
audience. So I take black cloth, I cut out strips from an old t-shirt, and I attach those strips of
black cloth to my mirrors, like over the rear view mirror, over the side mirrors. The reason I did
that is because… my reflection talks to me.
20

Pause.
LOGAN
Your reflection talks to you?
BOO
My reflection talks to me. And I’m avoiding him. Logan, don’t look at me like that.
LOGAN
Um, could you stop somewhere? I gotta go to the bathroom.
BOO
Are you trying to run? I’m not crazy, Logan! My reflection talks to me. He’s his own person.
BOO
And I don’t know why, I don’t know where he’s from, but he’s his own guy.
LOGAN
Hey this is interesting, for some reason your car keeps locking itself when I unlock it. That’s
weird.
BOO
That’s me re-locking the car, Logan. So you don’t jump out of a moving car.
LOGAN
Please stop the car. Please let me leave?
Boo slams on the breaks.
21

BOO
Just listen to the story. You asked! I’m trying to convey to you, I’ve been dodging my reflection
for a while now. He gives spiritual advice sometimes, but he skeeves me out, I— A couple
months ago, I got into a car accident, and while I wasn’t able to move, I was lying on the asphalt,
I was bleeding out of my face. Then I looked over, I turned my head by a few degrees, and the
side mirror was clean broken off. It was on the ground like a foot away. I could see my
reflection, and my reflection said to me, you need to figure out who murdered Alaska. If you do
it, you’ll be able to bring Alaska back. (beat) And that’s the story.
Boo slowly starts driving again.
BOO
That’s why I’m solving this now. Listen, you asked. I just answered.
LOGAN
Are you gonna let me, are you gonna let me leave?
BOO
Absolutely not. Since this is creeping you out so much, I’ll change the subject. Logan, for the
audience at home, you were friends with Alaska, weren’t you?
LOGAN
Yes. Yes I was.
22

BOO
Yeah. You were friends at Holy Cross High School. We all went to high school at Holy Cross—
you, me, Alaska, and the other suspects. You and Alaska, and Corey, and the other guys, you
were so popular. You seemed like such good buddies. So what about you and me, Logan? Were
we friends?
LOGAN
No. Not really.
BOO
Not really, huh? How would you describe our interactions?
LOGAN
Sexual.
BOO
Y’know, that’s so funny, you’re such a funny guy. Why weren’t we friends, Logan? How about
you tell the audience at home. C’monnn, go ahead. Tell them what you did. What d’you think’s
gonna happen? You’re not gonna get in trouble, Logan. We’re not in high school anymore.
LOGAN
Don’t forget your turn.
BOO
What?
LOGAN
We’re coming up on Stump Town.
23

BOO
Right.
STUMP TOWN.
Birds chirping.
BOO
We’re in the woods now. This is Stump Town, or people call it Stump Town, annnnd it’s a bunch
of woods outside Roslyn with a lot of abandoned buildings that’re scattered all over the place, in
the, in the trees. It’s open to the public, you can make your way through all the abandoned
buildings, they’re kinda cool. We just parked, and now we’re about to head in the woods to find
the building where Alaska died. Logan, don’t stare at me. I don’t like being looked at.
LOGAN
You’re bringing the dog? I mean, no complaints from me.
BOO
Alice goes where I go. And for today, so do you.
LOGAN
Okay. Yes Sir.
BOO
Tell me what happened that night from your perspective.
They start walking. Alice’s leash jangles.
24

BOO
Who invited you to Alaska’s birthday party?
LOGAN
This might blow your mind— Alaska.
BOO
Say more things. Say what happened. Start from— what happened when we showed up to Stump
Town?
LOGAN
Okay, so. When we all show up, it’s 7:58, the digital car clock says so. We roll up in two cars.
The moon’s up. We can’t see anything else. It’s really dark. The gate’s locked, so Jo’s casually
getting out of her pickup truck and she’s unlocking it. We all drive in, and then she’s locking the
gate behind us. We all get inside…
BOO
Wait— wait, why, why did she do that? Why did she lock the gate again?
LOGAN
To keep the police out. The fact that there weren’t any police when we got there was just sheer
luck. They guard the preserve after 7, and they keep it locked. So, Jo gets to be like, “Hold up,
gotta lock it! We’ll get in trouble.” That’s what she sounds like. So, that night, we get there, and
we park in the empty parking lot. We crowd down this trail. Emma bumps me three separate
times, so I have to, y’know— slap her one! Uh, the back of Alaska’s chain is, it’s like jangling
around, and it’s shiny because of the moon so it’s the only thing I can see. Oh and I can see my
big-ass feet. Just look at these big hams, man. The— my feet are so big!
25

BOO
I can see your feet, Logan.
LOGAN
And we’re getting through all this grass and it was sorta lower back then… And that gets us here!
The jail house.
BOO
Describe it briefly. Describe the building.
LOGAN
Okay… So, we’re in front of an old-ass stone building. It’s covered in some very rainbow
graffiti. It looks like somebody wrote “fuck you” on the wall in bubble letters. Oh, man! Ugh,
that’s art. Stunning. That’s a modern-day Picasso. This building is, it’s not a jail house. It’s just
called that. It’s a gray building, mostly graffiti’d up, looks maybe 15 feet left and right.
BOO
Definitely not 15.
LOGAN
Uh, yeah, 10 feet left and right.
BOO
Try 35.
LOGAN
Mr. Curtis, are you gonna be so threatening to me and then insult me on my geography? It’s a
wide building, it’s got grass all over it, it’s got a garage door.
26

BOO
Those are vines, are you kidding?
LOGAN
IT’S GOT A GARAGE DOOR, it’s got broken open windows, it’s a big cement coffin, it’s
falling apart, there’s a garbage bag and three coca cola cans in the entrance, it is 35 feet wide, it
has “vines!” Are you happy?
BOO
Ecstatic.
LOGAN
Cool! So we go inside and we set up Alaska’s birthday party…
BOO
Let’s head inside.
JAIL HOUSE.
ALICE starts WHIMPERING and WHINING.
BOO
Sh, sh, it’s okay, you’re okay.
LOGAN
Jo passes out the fireball and we start hanging out. She also sets up a campfire in the center of
the room. Glory puts on some rock music for us to not dance to. Everybody’s drinking except for
Emma and you. Let’s see… Bobby gives Alaska a present, he opens it, it’s a comb. Yay! Aaaaand
27

yeah! So that’s when the thing happens. The flashbang. Out of nowhere, a flashbang goes off. It’s
bright white and really blinding. It’s not clear who threw it. It explodes in our faces, and just
instantly, instantly, everybody’s scattering. There is no hesitation.
BOO
You said it was a flashbang? Like a police flashbang? Like a grenade?
LOGAN
Yeah.
BOO
It was fireworks.
LOGAN
Yeah, well, some people saw a flashbang.
BOO
Who?
LOGAN
Jo Magaro.
BOO
Okay, fine. What happened with the flashbang?
LOGAN
So a flashbang goes off in the middle of the room, and everybody wanders off. So, I know you’re
wondering what I was doing. So I go out the back way, up the steps and out a la that way. I’m
pointing north right now. Back room situation. Personally, I’m freaking out—
28

BOO
Actually, let’s skip your alibi for now.
LOGAN
You said skip my alibi? What? (stutters) What? Isn’t that what we’re here for? I thought that was
the whole point.
BOO
I mean, yeah, I definitely want to hear what you claim you were doing, but, first, I wanna go
through some things. We can circle back to that.
LOGAN
You want to circle back to my alibi? Um. Uh. Like.
BOO
Yeah. Okay, bare with me. I want to recreate the murder scene.
Alice whines.
LOGAN
Okay. If that’s what you want to do…
BOO
Alice, it’s okay! So I’m gonna be Alaska for a sec. We’re thinking as in like, okay, everybody
just scattered. They went all over the woods. Alaska was stabbed. And then everybody came into
the Jail House again. First Emma and Jo, then…
29

LOGAN
Then me.
BOO
Right.
LOGAN
Then you.
BOO
And Bobby and Glory never came back to the Jail House. So, since I’m Alaska right now, help
me remember what Alaska looked like when we found him.
LOGAN
Well… he was lying on the ground.
BOO
Where?
LOGAN
There.
Boo gets down on the ground.
BOO
And what was different about him?
LOGAN
I don’t know.
30

BOO
You know this. What was different?
LOGAN
His shoes.
BOO
Right. His shoes were gone. So I’ll take off my shoes.
Boo takes his shoes off and throws them.
LOGAN
Hey, uh, are you looking at me weird right now?
BOO
I’m wearing goggles. If I was looking at you weird, you would not know.
LOGAN
Right. Right. Yeah. Uh. The, uh, stab wound was here.
BOO
You’re pointing at my abdomen. That’s where my colon is. You’re sure it was right here?
LOGAN
Yeah.
BOO
Right here? You’re completely sure.
31

LOGAN
Yup.
BOO
Jo and Emma came in, and they found Alaska like this. He was stabbed, once, in the— in the
colon! They called 911 and then the ambulance came. But when they brought Alaska to the
hospital, he was alive for six more hours before he died. The killer didn’t manage to kill him.
LOGAN
Does that mean something?
BOO
I want you to stab me.
LOGAN
What?
BOO
Calm down, obviously I don’t mean you should literally stab me. I want you to make the motion
of stabbing me. I’m Alaska. You’re the killer.
LOGAN
I super don’t wanna do that.
BOO
Do you not want to help me solve the mystery? Don’t you care who killed Alaska?
LOGAN
No, I mean. Okay, let’s just not call me the killer. I’m gonna make a fake stabbing motion and
you’re not gonna call me that.
32

BOO
Sure, works for me. Make the motion. So Logan is reeling his hands back— YES. Yes, exactly,
yes! That’s exactly what I thought! You made an upwards motion, into Alaska’s ribcage.
LOGAN
So what? That doesn’t mean anything.
BOO
If the killer knew what they were doing, they would stab upwards into the ribcage.
LOGAN
Oh.
BOO
Just like you did. Or at least, that’s what you did just now. But let’s say the killer didn’t know
what they were doing, right? Or maybe, like, they were really confident. They would’ve tried to
stab him right in the heart, head-on. But they didn’t stab in the heart or up the ribcage. They
stabbed somewhere random. They stabbed in the colon. If they wanted to kill Alaska, why would
they stab him in the colon? That, that, that’s weird— I mean, it’s weird if they didn’t even
Google where to stab, but the colon as a choice seems counter-intuitive? There wasn’t even a
sign of any struggle. They stabbed Alaska once and he fell backwards. So the colon doesn’t make
any sense. Keep making the motion. I’m thinking.
LOGAN
Keep— keep making the motion? Like keep stabbing you?
BOO
Yes, keep going. Logan, quick, I’m thinking!
33

LOGAN
I— Uh—
BOO
Yeah, just looking at it, it’s weird! Wait, hold on, why would somebody— Huh.
LOGAN
You sure you’re not looking at me weird?
BOO
I’m so close to figuring this out! We’re gonna find his killer today! I can just feel it!
ALICE is going wild. She’s BARKING up a storm.
LOGAN
Hey, how long do I have to keep doing this?
BOO
Alaska, I’m gonna bring you back! I know it!
LOGAN
I didn’t really know it would be like this.
BOO
ALICE, SHUT UP. I’m gonna save Alaska!
LOGAN
I really do feel like you’re looking at me weird right now, Curtis.
34

BOO
They left Alaska alive. That’s bizarre. If they wanted to kill Alaska, they should’ve checked if he
was breathing.
LOGAN
It just feels like you’re looking at me. Turn your head to the side or something.
BOO
Hey, are you tense? Are you nervous? Why so nervous, Logan? Does this remind you of
something!?
LOGAN
You’re asking me if I’m tense!?
BOO
Yes I am!
LOGAN
Are you serious!?
BOO
Oh I’m dead serious!
LOGAN
What do you think— YOU’RE MAKING ME STAND IN THE SHOES OF THE PERSON
WHO MURDERED MY BEST FUCKING FRIEND!
Alice barks and then goes quiet.
35

LOGAN
YOU WANNA JUDGE ME!? I’M BEING ALL THE MAN I NEED TO BE!
BOO
You sounded like Alaska just now.
LOGAN
No I didn’t.
BOO
You said “I’m being all the man I need to be,” and that was something Alaska said all the time.
LOGAN
Can you stop looking at me like that? It’s freaking me out.
BOO
Actually, you’ve been saying things all day that Alaska said a lot, like he would talk in a certain
way and that’s how you’re talking. Y’know, I noticed it, I just didn’t think that much about it.
LOGAN
I’m not imitating Alaska. That would be weird, right?
BOO
Kinda. Logan, are you… pretending to be Alaska?
LOGAN
(laughs) No!
BOO
I think you are, Logan. I think you’re pretending to be Alaska.
36

Logan laughs and laughs.
BOO
Maybe not, like, pretending, but like, imitating. That’s an important difference.
LOGAN
“That’s an important difference,” what are you talking about! Ya little nerd! Haha, just kidding,
I’m kidding, I’m totally kidding!
BOO
Now you have a few possible motives, Logan, but this is an interesting one. You’re an Alaska
clone! You stole his fucking identity!
LOGAN
WATCH IT!
Alice’s growl rises into a snarl.
LOGAN
Alaska was my friend! Don’t say that shit! That is not okay!
BOO
So if you stole Alaska’s personality—
LOGAN
HEY.
37

BOO
That begs a certain question, my guy.
Logan is hyperventilating.
BOO
Who are you really, you fucking psycho?
LOGAN
STOP LOOKING AT ME LIKE THAT!
BOO
YOU STOP LOOKING AT ME LIKE THAT!
BOO / LOGAN
STOP LOOKING AT ME!
BOO
HEY, OKAY, SPEAKING TO THE AUDIENCE RIGHT NOW, I’M ABOUT TO TAKE A
GAMBLE.
LOGAN
What’re you talking about!?
Running.
38

BOO
I got his phone!! SEE YOU, IDIOT!
LOGAN
OW! SHIT!
OUTSIDE.
BOO [muffled]
(panting) Okay, Alice looks okay… I grabbed Logan’s phone. It was sticking out of his pocket…
And then Alice fucking saved my life, they swooped in and bit Logan. Stealing Logan’s phone
was actually a really bad idea, he’s really fast, so honestly, thank god Alice was there. I can see
Alice now… they’re leaving the jail house.
Alice can’t see me, I’m gonna have to leave them be for the moment… I can’t bring
attention to myself, Logan’s gonna find me. Umm, I’m in the tall grass right outside the building.
Where no one can see me. Hidden… (pauses; then whispers) Logan’s leaving the building.
A long pause. We hear Boo typing on a phone. Boo fixes the microphone.
LOGAN [distant]
Good dog. No more biting.
Logan begins moving through the tall grass.
39

BOO
(whispering) I don’t know what I’m looking for. But hopefully I’ll find evidence. (quickly) I
should check his texts with Alaska.
LOGAN [distant]
LITTLE CURTIS! PLEASE GIVE ME MY PHONE BACK! YOU DON’T EVEN KNOW THE
PASSWORD!
BOO
(whispering) His password was literally “monkey.” It’s not that creative. His lock-screen is
literally all memes. Okay, let’s see. Text messages seem normal so far. They didn’t even text that
much…
BOO
Maybe… Let’s cheeeeck… voice memos.
LOGAN [recording]
I’m all the man I need to be! (pauses; then trying again) I’m all the man I need to be! Buenos
dias!—
LOGAN cuts himself off and GRUNTS with frustration. It’s not quite right.
He tries again.
LOGAN [recording]
Buenos dias! Buenos dias! Buenos dias! Buenos dias!
40

BOO
It’s like he’s practicing trying to sound like Alaska? What is happening right now?
LOGAN [recording]
Do it right! I’m all the man I need to be! Buenos dias!
BOO
We should try a different recording…
LOGAN [recording]
Positive affirmations part 1. You are not who they say you are. You can be anything you want to
be. You are not their robot. You are not a disease. You are not broken. You are not a vessel. You
are not pre-determined. You are not selfish. You are not childish. You are not weak. You are not
defenseless.
BOO
This is… so sad… This… It’s… pathetic.
LOGAN [recording]
You can be anything you want to be. You can be anyone you want to be.
LOGAN
Give me that.
BOO
AHH!
Logan snatches up the phone and the recording stops. He puts his phone away.
41

LOGAN
Are you gonna run? Are you gonna call me a psycho again?
BOO
No, but you’re definitely a psycho. Did you kill Alaska?
LOGAN
No.
BOO
Look into my eyes and tell me you didn’t kill him.
LOGAN
I think you know exactly who I am.
BOO
What?
LOGAN
I’m mediocre.
BOO
What?
LOGAN
I’m sub-par. I’m roadkill as a person. Except that I didn’t kill Alaska— that wasn’t me. I’ve
made a lot of mistakes, but I did not kill my best friend.
BOO
I believe you.
42

LOGAN
I’m glad but why?
BOO
Because we’re similar. We’re almost the same person.
LOGAN
Why?
BOO
I don’t… know.
LOGAN
You’re bleeding.
BOO
Where?
LOGAN
Your arms.
BOO
Oh. Word. I— So I am! It’s a thing, sometimes when I get nervous I just start scratching myself
‘till I start bleeding. I’m like, kind of a crazy person.
LOGAN
I don’t… know what to say to that…
BOO
Hey, you’re uh, for whatever it’s worth, I think you’re “all the man you need to be,” or
something.
43

LOGAN
Alright. (snorts) Wow, thanks so much.
Alice comes rushing to Boo.
BOO
ALICE! Haha, HELLO! Let’s go home, buddy! Hold on, I need to adjust my goggles, I have to
take them off for a sec. They’re practically falling off. Um. Logan, can you… look away for a
second?
LOGAN
Oh, okay, um. Sure, I’ll… look away.
BOO’S CAR.
BOO
See ya, man!
LOGAN [distant]
Bye.
Window is rolled back up.
44

BOO
Logan's the variety of human that feels like the killer. You look at them, and you know, that’s the
killer. Like he was written that way. We’re thinking as in, like. Unhinged. Maybe slightly—
stupid. I’m not saying that to be mean, he’s got his head all mixed up. Like how I wear a mask
every day. Which I know is not normal, to wear a mask all the time. I just don’t like it when
people look at me, and in that regard, it works, quite successfully. No eyes on me, just eyes on
the mask. It has to be like that. Yeah. For certain…
CUT TO LATER.
BOO
This is our last stop. This’ll be great— we’re gonna go visit my psychic so he can give me a
spiritual checkup. And if you aren’t superstitious, that is completely okay, listen, I’m like a man
of the sciences and whatnot, I’m very much tied to like logical structures of thinking, meanwhile
I’m also thinking, hey, maybe the… dude at the gas station who walks around without pants is a
ghost… ‘cause he always shows up at 11:59pm on the dot… and offers people pasta and that’s
not a living human reaction to anything… Mm… Um, well, okay, just imagine how fun it is to
believe it, for like, a couple minutes. Like, y’know, just sit back, hey, you can enjoy this, it’s
worth enjoying. My psychic’s the coolest! Get ready to get your socks knocked away. This guy is
rad.
45

SHADOWMOON’S PRACTICE.
SHADOWMOON
Hello everyone! Welcome to my lair! (silly ghost noise) My name is Riley Shadowmoon, and I
am a psychic. I generally prefer the term “paranormal life coach,” but you can call me whatever
you like. Just don’t call me late for dinner!
BOO [distant]
This man is legit, guys!
SHADOWMOON
Yeah! I’m so legit! I’m also a novelist! You should check out my new fantasy romance novella.
It’s now out on E-book! It was edited by the guy who wrote I Can’t Believe It’s Not Lord of the
Rings.
BOO
Oh, word? Uh, what’s your new book called?
SHADOWMOON
Well, it’s uh. I’m not remembering it right now. But I’ll think of it later— You know how it is!
The drugs!
BOO
Ah.
SHADOWMOON
So tell me what’s going on, Boo!
BOO
So, you know I’m trying to figure out this mystery.
46

SHADOWMOON
Right! The mystery, yeah, yeah, yeah.
BOO
We could do a one-card tarot pull. See if that’s anything.
SHADOWMOON
That sounds like an excellent idea! Let’s get the deck!
BOO
Can you explain real quick what tarot is?
SHADOWMOON
So I am a multi-purpose paranormal life coach. Divination, which is telling the future, is one of
the main things that I do, and a lotta times, I do that with tarot. So tarot is a very old technique.
Basically, though, omeone says “tell me about this,” and I say, “okay, bud, let’s figure it out,”
and then I put out a bunch of cards that give you answers. My job is to interpret the cards
correctly. And I always do. What’s your question, Boo?
BOO
I want to know if Glory is still alive, or if she died the same night as Alaska. So what I’m gonna
make my question is, what happened to my best friend, Glory Johnson?
SHADOWMOON
Wow. Uh. That’s uh. Alright. Yeah, alright. I’m just gonna shuffle again real quick. Okay. If you
don’t know anything about tarot, a tarot deck is made up of cards specifically for telling fortunes.
And they have these cards like the Fool, the Empress, the Page of Cups. All these are cards that
have special names, and special meanings. My friend Boo here just asked me if Glory is still
47

alive. And this card will give Boo his answer, once I explain its meaning. (pause) So the card you
got… is called the Hanged Man.
BOO
Haha, more like the Hung Man…
SHADOWMOON
Sorry? What, what was that?
BOO
Cause… dude on the card looks… Like the— it’s like a penis thing?
SHADOWMOON
Really, Boo? Right now? This— That’s what you’re going with right now?
BOO
Man, humor is my coping mechanism, alright? Y’gotta leave it.
SHADOWMOON
Boo Curtis, now I’m going to explain to you whether Glory Johnson is okay! Are you ready?
This card is called the Hanged Man—
BOO
Yeah he is.
SHADOWMOON
—you pulled him in the reversed position—
BOO
That’s my favorite position.
48

SHADOWMOON
—and BOO CURTIS calm yourself. This is an annoying— This is an annoying coping
mechanism.
BOO
I’m sorry I think I absorbed the energy of an annoying person today, it kinda became me.
SHADOWMOON
Boo, I don’t know what this card means here.
BOO
You don’t know? What do you mean you don’t know?
SHADOWMOON
This card, it’s a really strange choice for this question. You asked if Glory was alive. This card
refers to stagnation. It represents missed opportunities, pause. Letting time pass you by. Glory
Johnson has been in a state of pause, for a very long time. She’s been lost, or stuck, or frozen—
that’s one way to say it. She’s been missing opportunities. Time has been passing her by.
BOO
So she’s alive.
SHADOWMOON
So y’know, Boo, it’s interesting. It’s almost like the cards said to me, “I don’t know.” As if she’s
maybe kind of alive. This was not a “yes or no” pull, Boo. This was supposed to be a clear
answer, for, y’know, what happened to your friend, and the cards said that she’s stagnating. The
Hanged Man can mean “defeat,” also, but I don’t know— I mean that— I don’t know. I don’t
know what to do. Sorry, Boo. Uh, do you have anymore questions? I don’t…
49

BOO
(muttering) No, that’s… fine for today…
STUMP TOWN.
BOO
Hey… so I’m just out here… drinking in the air… Doing some spring cleaning on my brain. Up
until the cops come to kick me out of Stump Town. Um. So. “Stagnating…”
Singing.
BOO
(mumbled) What?
Singing.
BOO
HELLO!?
Nothing.
50

BOO
That was her voice!! No way! No way! Did I just get that recorded!? What!? That… was the
voice of Glory Johnson!
51

AD
“Fuck You Kyle” instrumental plays [music].
BOO
Alriiiiiight! Thank you, everybody, for checking out my first home-grown episode of the
podcast! If you support us and what we do, help us! Go to our Patreon, and donate, so that we
can make episodes as good as this, or much, much better! You might be the FIRST person to
become a patron— every single dollar counts right now! You can find our Patreon at Patreon dot-
OH MY GOD THAT’S A SPIDER.
Boo’s back knocks into the car door. Alice yelps.
BOO
THERE’S A SPIDER IN MY CAR! (screams) GET IT ALICE, GET IT! NO, YOU! YOU GET
IT!
Alice is whining.
BOO
THERE’S A SPIDER IN MY CAR!!
Phone rings. Boo picks up. ALICE continues to be DISTRESSED.
52

BOBBY [phone]
Hey Boo! I just wanted to call to say—
BOO
Hey Bobby there’s a spider in my car.
BOBBY [phone]
Oh no! Wait why are you freaked out, I had the impression you were a fan of bugs?
BOO
I’m not freaked out. I’m just being wary of danger. I’m not a spider person, and spiders aren’t
Boo people. Other bugs are super dope. Can you come help?
BOBBY [phone]
Uhhhh, let’s see, I’m in Suffolk, so that’d take me maybe 55 minutes—
BOO
NevvvER mind. You can read the ad copy to the audience while me and Alice catch this
gentleman, who is currently casting a really bad shadow right now and boy I do not like that.
Boo sends text.
BOBBY [phone]
How did you send that so fast? Okay, uh…
BOO
I’ll leave it to you!
53

BOBBY CLEARS HIS THROAT.
BOBBY [phone]
Go to patreon.com/whokilledalaska to help us create more content. We know you’re donating
just to be kind and show your support, but you’ll even be getting rewards, too! BIG rewards! You
can get hours of new content from us, along with masks, mugs, t-shirts, decorative stickers, or
even special audio messages from the suspects of Who Killed Alaska. (off script) Wait does that
include me? I don’t remember signing any consent forms on this matter… Oh well, if it’s for a
good cause! (on script) Donations start at $5. That’s about the same as a cup of coffee from
Starbucks! (off script) Wow, that’s a pretty good deal to support small independent creators who
love what they do… Maybe I should donate! Should I pay to make myself say something? I
could make myself say “Tally ho!” or something stupid like that. (snickers) Or maybe I could
say… hm… if I had to say any words in the whole wide world, how about “Being nice… is the
most important thing… ever.” Yeah… That’s perfect. Let’s see, uh… Patreon dot com… slash…
who killed Alaska…
BOO
Hey bro. Bro. Bro. I need you to chill the fuck out here for a sec. NNG— I need you to fucking
relax. You are waving your hands in the air like you just don’t care and this is not a concert, you
are in my fucking house where I sleep. Bro bro bro bro bro bro. BRO. So like— are you gonna.
Okay I’m approaching you. This is “cup.” It goes on you. Don’t move. Don’t move. Please don’t
move. AhhhHHHHhhhhh… AH. ALICE NO! DON’T SACRIFICE YOURSELF! I’VE GOT
THIS! I’LL PROTECT YOU! Oh shit oh shit oh shit. Ok we’re doing this. We’re doing this.
54

We’ve got this. Get in the cup you dumb— I’m sorry I didn’t mean it. Not dumb. Stop I’M
SORRY. Oh goooood. Why do you have eight legs? Why do you need that many? Alice, spiders
are broken animals. They make negative sense. Spiders are a mistake— AHHHHHH!!! Alice,
you go that way! ALICE, STOP TRYING TO PROTECT ME, YOU’RE JUST SMACKING ME
IN THE FACE! ALICE THAT HURTS! ALICE NO THAT’S WORSE! WE’RE NOT EVEN
TRYING TO KILL IT, WE’RE TRYING TO CAPTURE IT, ALICE! WE’RE VEGANS!
WE’RE BETTER THAN THIS! (louder than the rest) NOOOOO!!!!
BOBBY [phone]
What happened?
BOO
Alice killed it.
BOBBY [phone]
That’s good.
BOO
We were trying to let it go. Alice… you’ve committed murder.
Alice barks.
55

CREDITS
THE GHOST FACTORY
WRITER/DIRECTOR/HEAD - Cameron LeBrun
EDITOR - Nikolas Harter
MUSIC - Cameron LeBrun
THEME SONG GUITAR & DRUMS - Manas Kunder
AMBIENCE DESIGN - Cornelius Wilkening
SFX - Avery Callahan, Andrew Tikhonovich
LEAD SOUND DESIGN - Cornelius Wilkening
MIX & MASTER - Manas Kunder
ART - Bella Wynne, Lock Reinhardt, and doritofalls
JO MAGARO - Sally Roberts
EMMA WOOTEN - Liz Mina
BOBBY YORKE - Kyle Vincent Parker
LOGAN GOLDBERG - Trent Trachtenberg
BOO CURTIS - Alex Redd
GLORY JOHNSON - Lindsay Zana
REILY SHADOWMOON - Joshua Mays
OTHER VOICES - Oliver Matte, Anika Krishnan
56

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