Writing Tips1. Have your writing have a professional tone.a. I.docx
- 1. Writing Tips 1. Have your writing have a professional tone. a. If a sentence sounds as if you are talking to a friend, change it b. Avoid using slang c. Avoid using the work “like” when possible 2. Use synonyms for reoccurring words or to increase professional writing tone through out paper. 3. Use citationmachine.com to help you with citations 4. Check and then recheck for punctuation, grammar and spelling errors 5. Clear intro paragraph and conclusion. 5 to 7 sentences that include main points and ideas. a. Main point are the topics of each paragraph. 6. Look up APA format and adjust accordingly 7. Review grading rubric before you begin writing and again when finished. CHDV 120 Assignment -Your Ideal Relationship Grading Rubric Needs Improvement Meets Expectations Exceptional Points Possible Content of the chapters 2 or less chapters are mentioned. The content of the chapters are not reflective of the course material. Concepts are not consistently there.
- 2. 8 points Most of the chapter content is there, but there is no consistency or enough substance to the material presented. There are some references to the book with book chapters, pages etc. 12 points All 6 chapters are covered thoroughly. The content is reflective of your knowledge of the readings, and the material covered in the lectures. There are consistent references to the book chapters, pages etc. 20 points 20 Answering the main questions Relationship stages Only 1 relationship stage is presented 1 points Both relationship stages are presented 3 points All three stages were presented. 5 points 5 Introduction and Conclusion Paper starts and ends abruptly without a clear beginning and summary or conclusion 1 points Intro and/or conclusion is superficial; main points are summarized incompletely. 3 points Distinct intro and conclusion. Paper summarizes main points 5 points 5 Mechanics Many errors in spelling, grammar, and punctuation. Writing is difficult to understand and/or unorganized. The paper is shorter than expected, or substantially longer than 3 pages.
- 3. 1 points A few errors of spelling, grammar and/or punctuation. Writing is generally organized and understandable. 3 points Very few errors of spelling, grammar, or punctuation. Writing is well organized and facilitates understanding. Paper is approximately5 pages, double-spaced. 5 points 5 Total 35 Reflection Paper: Two Peas in a Pod California State University, Los Angeles Jane Do November 18, 2010 CHVD 120: Intimate Relationships in a Diversified Society
- 4. The Beginning Many people haven’t met their significant other over the internet as shown in table 8.1 created by Madden and Lenhart (2006), nor believe in doing so. I was one of those people who didn’t believe in it either, until I had met someone online. He was a senior and I was a freshman in high school when we met on Myspace where we only intended to be friends, and talked periodically. Until five years later we decided to meet and we hit it off but I chose to decide carefully rather than slide. I first told him I needed time to think and decide what I wanted us to be. Also, I wanted him to meet my friends early on to make sure they approved of him, because of course my girlfriends will always be there and their opinion I strongly respect. We took things very slow, I didn’t let him kiss me, hold my hand nor had done anything sexually, I wanted to build the foundation of our relationship with friendship, communication, commitment and knowing our shared values and goals. I wanted to practice relational sex, rather than us not being in a relationship and having recreational sex. And he did wait til I was ready and we were in a relationship. He brought me flowers, and did things to show his affection, and is a very patient and kind guy, in which I never had before. Later we had the DTR talk (defining the relationship talk), making our relationship completely exclusive to one another. After we finally declared our relationships exclusivity as being boyfriend/girlfriend I saw our relationship having all three of Sternberg’s Triangular Theory of Love being that of Consummate Love. Which is having intimacy, passion and commitment in a relationship in which are the three elements to making a relationship work. At this point we spent most of our time together and talked on the phone on the days we didn’t see each other. He would initiate most of the dates, pay for the meals, and just be a gentleman not only around me but around my friends and I wouldn’t have it any other way. We were having fun being in each other’s presence, learning and growing. As we became more serious we discussed our
- 5. expectations making sure we were aware of what we both wanted individually and making them known to one another, while still making sure they were achievable. So as we continued on with our relationship we both had our own self- love (Benokraitis, p. 156), which really benefited our relationship by not having any insecurities and jealousy but by us being able to open up to each other and have more love to give to one another. As our relationship grew and we learned more about each other, I had learned he had fit my pool of eligibles – meaning who fit my filter of mate selection. He fits my “dating funnel” by being within 25 minutes of driving distance, his physical appearance meets my criteria, I don’t have a preference of race, and he has a job and some education, and at the time was 21 years of age and his values and personality is a very good fit into what I want in a man. Since our relationship has progressed I would say our relationship type is M-Frame meaning we have a shared life and rely on each other while also having a sense of self and independence. Up to this point everything has been good, and now it came time for our relationship to be taken to the next level of commitment. Dating Journey It now has been about eight or nine months, we already said our “I love you” to each other, and the bond was stronger than ever. I could definitely say at this point our reason for having sex was for emotional needs such as love, commitment and expression of feelings, rather than for physical needs, as described in table 7.1 created by Meston and Buss (2007). Even we both are very busy with work and school, we still find time to be together mostly by watching a movie cuddled up together, playing videogames, or going out on dates. We go out separately with our own friends as well as join each other to hang out with each other’s friends. Later, we then decided to cohabitate, meaning living together before marriage. It was a decision thought about for awhile and discussed about. What helped this decision is I noticed what our relationship had, which was mutual trust and respect, as well as being able to share intimate information
- 6. about ourselves and satisfy each other’s emotional needs, and most importantly wanted to spend much time together. Thus showing our love and commitment to one another making our relationship fit into the Wheel of Love by Ira Reiss (Benokraitis, p. 163). Although data has said that cohabitating couples have higher rate of divorce, cheating on each other, alcohol consumption and more likely to be depressed (Chapter 1). BUT the exception is commitment, and that’s what we have and the idea that this is the stepping stone to someday getting married. Living together has shown how us we would get along through the good and bad times, and helps make our relationship better through learning how to deal with conflict the best way possible. Our relationship conflict consists mostly of house chores; who does what and making sure it gets done, it usually arises about once or twice a week. When any type of conflict occurs my boyfriend is usually better at dealing with it than I am, this is because he doesn’t fit the traditional “report talk” but rather “rapport talk” meaning to resolve the disagreement and making us feel closer. This helps our relationship resolve conflict, rather than having angry feelings linger. Although our love formed through smart love being that we chose each other which a good match it was, have paid attention to our values and didn’t try to change each other, not running from conflict and not playing any games and certainly not settling. Yet this doesn’t mean our relationship is perfect. This past year we hit our first big conflict, I had an underlying hidden issue with a meaning that I didn’t directly express to my boyfriend that I had been holding. At this point we have been boyfriend and girlfriend for three years and recently I kept saying “You don’t do anything romantic anymore”, but what was really bothering me was when we had talked about getting engaged he didn’t want to get engaged for what seems to be another five or seven years, and that wasn’t my time frame I was hoping. So my hidden issue was lack of commitment and caring. We recently had another talk regarding this issue, and we spoke as bluntly and honest as possible which actually
- 7. resolved our issue this time, helping us understand each other’s true feelings, and has made us feel more confident in our relationship and the idea of engagement which would be our next level of commitment. Even though I think our relationship is good for the most part, it takes work just like any other relationship. After all we have been through I would say our relationship did transition from Romantic Love to Long-Term Love meaning the love we have is more patient, self-less, we make each other wanted and there’s a possibility of marriage (Benokraitis, p. 178). While taking this course I learned of Gottman’s Magic Five hours per week which is devoting five hours a week spread among giving attention to your significant other when parting and reuniting, time giving admiration, affection and having weekly dates. I think my boyfriend and I could incorporate this more into our relationship making it healthier and happier. Although it seems we have sort of lost our passion in Sternbergs Triangular Theory of Love making our love a companionate love, we are working on getting back to making it a consummate love. Our relationship isn’t perfect but I do believe we have the right things in our relationship to someday get married. Marriage Plans With that in mind my idea of marriage is having a homogonous marriage meaning marrying someone who is like me in the sense of similar SES, age, values and so forth. I want to get married after I get my BA degree, and hope my partner has achieved getting his Architecture license. Also, I want a psychological marriage that is based off personal satisfaction rather than an institutional marriage that is about responsibility and therefore is more traditional. I would want my marriage to be an interactional relationship that shares intimacy, companionship and that works together on everything. I don’t plan nor believe in getting a divorce unless severe circumstances, so I would want my partner and I to sign up for the Covenant Marriage which is signing a contract before marriage saying that each person agrees to go through two years of counseling before
- 8. being able to separate and divorce. On that note if my partner is willing to sign the agreement because he truly loves me and wants to be with me he would have dedication commitment, rather than constraint commitment which is just staying with someone because of logical reasons. The first couple of years I want to travel with my husband, enjoying each other’s company while growing and defining the marriage. So, along with marriages come children in most cases, and in our case I plan on having a family of procreation meaning making a family of our own, because I was an only child as well as my father, so I have had a very small immediate family. I want to re-build the family tree, to make bigger and more generations. I desire of having a family that relates to both family systems theory meaning that families are like living organic systems, and to symbolic interactionism theory meaning that families are created through communication and shared meanings. On the dream side my goal is to own a house with my husband with a picket white fence, two or three children and a couple of dogs. When it comes to how the marriage functions I want us to both feel a sense of empowerment meaning to feel free and safe to raise complaints, and be able to negotiate chores –division of labor. On that note I want my marriage to be a “no power” relationship; having equal power, compromise, negotiation and being on the same team. I want my husband and I to both be providers for the family meaning to have an egalitarian marriage, while having a joint bank account while also having our own separate accounts. I hope to never have marital burnout meaning a slow deterioration of love and emotional attachment between my husband and me, but to have a vital/total marriage meaning spending a lot of time together, resolve conflict through compromise, work together and sacrifice for each other and have same outside interests and friends (Benokraitis, p. 294, 300). Conclusion Although fewer people are getting married and about fifty percent are divorcing, I still believe in the idea of marriage,
- 9. what it stands for and that it can last into old age just like marriages in the 1950’s. I want to build a marriage on the foundation of love, trust, commitment and happiness. Also, I want us to make a family and help them raise their own children. On that note I can see a future growing old and happy with my current boyfriend, Jeff. I believe we have what it takes; I guess you can call me an optimist! References Benokraitis, N. V. (2008). Marriages and Families: Changes, Choices, and Constraints. New Jersey: Pearson. YOU NEED MORE REFERENCES HERE
- 10. II. Reflection Paper: The reflection papers will be graded based on the following criteria: adherence to topic guidelines; clarity and conciseness of expression (having an introduction, middle, and a conclusion to the paper); effective use of examples; and correct grammar, spelling, and formatting (see below), APA Style, Reference page The formatting must include the following: · 7 pages typed, including a cover page with your name, title of paper, date, class, and section number (this means there needs to be 5 typed page for content at least, and one cover page, and one page of references in addition to that) · Points will be taken off for papers longer than 5 pages of content. · You have to underline or bold all of the concepts used in your paper. · Double-spaced, 12-point font, Times New Roman, 1 inch margins on all four sides · Need to be submitted as a hard copy, IN CLASS. NO EXCEPTIONS · You need to use at least 3 citations (book, or article (no web
- 11. sources) · You need to provide a reference page · You need to abide by APA style Reflection Paper Instructions: Think about your perfect relationship and describe all aspects of it in regards to at least 6 of the chapters and/or topics we talked about including: dating, marriage, expectations, commitment, parenting, communication, violence, sexuality etc. Or you can talk about the current relationship you are in, and explain how this relationship is perfect. You will explain: 1. How would your perfect relationship look like at the very beginning (before you decided to even be in an exclusive relationship) (where you met, who asked who out? Who pays for the meals? Open doors? Talk every day? Having the “define the relationship “talk”, and many more similar details) , 2. When you are dating (how do you communicate, sexuality, decision making, communication, power, conflict, etc.) 3. Once you took the relationship to a serious place (who is going to work, how does parenting look? How do you communicate? Is it ok to be violent at times? etc.). For this assignment you need to think about your expectations from the other person as well as what you are ready to bring to the relationship. I encourage you to make subtitles for each topic (remember to use at least 6) you are covering and be as thorough and detailed as you can. Remember to apply as much of the information you learned in class to this paper. In a way, you are showing me off how much you know This is supposed to be a fun paper where you explore your ideal scenario by applying all the knowledge that you acquired in this class. So, your paper’s structure can look like the following: Introduction 1. Beginning of the relationship: a. Love/Infatuation or dating ( is this a homogamous
- 12. relationship, heterogamous relationship), refer to expectations etc. b. Sexuality etc… 2. Dating a. Communication b. Conflict/Expectations 3. Serious a. Marriage b. Power/Violence etc.? Conclusion ****BESIDES ALL THE CONTENT EXPLAINED ABOVE, YOUR PAPER NEEDS TO HAVE AN INTRODUCTION AND A CONCLUSION (please don’t title these) ****Make sure you use APA style!!! **** Make sure you include your references (my powerpoints do not count as a resource) **** Please refer to the rubric under blackboard before you submit your paper to make sure that you are on the right track. ******* If your paper is LATE without an excuse, 5 points for each week and weekend day will be deducted from the total number of points.