3 Great Questions
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1) Great questions are influential as they set the frame for a conversation and provide a measure of power and connection. Questions retrieve information and create new connections between different data points. 2) To ask great questions, one must build rapport by demonstrating interest, matching physiology, stories, and language with the other person. Great questions get at patterns of behavior and how they relate to the questioner's intentions. 3) An example of a great question is "How much of your time do you spend solving problems?" which can reveal what motivates, what someone notices, and how they respond to problems without directly asking about those things.
3 Great Questions
- 1. 3 Great Questions and how to ask them
- 2. Why do you ask? Questions are almost irresistible. . . our brains love a puzzle and answer a question as fast as it is asked (sometimes our mouths take longer) Questions are influential: they set the frame for a conversation and provide a measuring stick for both power and connection Questions are necessary because we communicate by isolating information within an endless stream of data. In order to retrieve what we have filtered out or to create new connections between different points in the stream, we need to ask questions.
- 3. NLP Models of Language To influence, you must maintain rapport To learn, you must connect new information to what you have already stored in your experience Language is a filter that leaves out most information. Language can be used to retrieve missing information (Meta Model) Language can be used to generalize experience to create common ground (Milton Model) Questions allow us to make meaning together
- 4. What is rapport and where do you get some?
- 5. Signs of rapport & permission to ask
- 6. Rapport means demonstrating connection signals your intention to be connected depends on attention, intention and non-verbal cues matching physiology (postures, breathing, expression, movement) matching sensory experience (noticing the same qualities) stories may match or complement changes intentionally, maintained automatically
- 7. How to ask a great question Form a clear intention for the relationship Create an appropriate level of rapport Ask a question that gets to patterns of behaviour Notice how the pattern relates to your intention Verify the relationship you notice
- 8. How well are you listening?
- 9. Pick a partner & practice the pattern Have a general conversation about why you are here tonight. While you are talking, build rapport by acting as if you were genuinely interested in your partner: match physiology, voice, and language When you have rapport, ask the question on the next slide Have a conversation about the answer that follows your interest and your partner’s energy Offer back exactly the same words your partner uses to verify when you pick up something significant
- 10. How much of your time do you spend solving problems?
- 11. Why is it a great question? what do you now know about what motivates your partner? what do you now know about how what your partner notices ? what do you now know about how your partner responds to problems?
- 12. Why not just ask directly? Your level of rapport has to support the level of detail or honesty you require People do not always know consciously how they actually respond The response to a direct question is determined by the frame given by the questioner
- 13. What you think you see may leave things out
- 14. Ask yourself a great question in NLP courses, we prefer to work with patterns rather than with the content of those patterns when working with language, we sometimes need content in order to make processes available to conscious attention writing answers preserves the relationships and allows new information to circulate between your conscious & unconscious awareness now think about something you want - a goal that seems just beyond your reach.
- 15. What’s the worst thing that could happen if you got what you want?
- 16. Great questions get unexpected answers the best way to get to new information is to interrupt old patterns this is a form of ecology check - a way of checking the implications of a goal if you ask “what’s stopping you?” it implies that obstacles can be overcome; this question sidesteps the issue of whether a goal is possible to take a look at how desirable it is
- 17. How do you verify your own answers?
- 18. Get to the non-verbal information There is lots of evidence that non-verbal information trumps language when the two are not in agreement We can assume that everything we do and have communicates or demonstrates something about our internal states Asking about things is less threatening than asking about internal states and allows for an easier flow of honest information
- 19. What is one thing that you can’t get rid of?
- 20. What did you learn? in NLP we use language as a bridge that creates the possibility of connection between two or more people language works by pattern and generalization so that different people can connect their unique experiences questions are a way for two people to create meaning together you need to listen before and after asking a question great questions lead to new and useful information