Academic language and skills

DEVELOPING YOUR ACADEMIC
LANGUAGE & SKILLS DAY 1
These slides can be viewed at tinyurl.com/academiclanguage&skills

DAY 1 SCHEDULE
PART 1: Massey Albany quiz
PART 2: Getting high grades
PART 3: Improving your English communication skills
PART 4: Researching New Zealand

You’ll see a question on the screen and then, a
few moments later, a photo of somewhere
on the campus, together with four options.
For example:
Where can you sit down on
these colourful chairs?

You need to select the correct answer
by pressing the appropriate square on your
smartphone or tablet.
You’ll receive points not only for correct answers
but also according to the speed of your selection.

• Open kahoot.it
in your browser
• Enter the game pin
which I will show you
in a minute
• Enter your nickname
(and you will see it
appear on the public
screen)
To join the quiz you need to:

$49
$1, 349
Why?
There are quality differences in every
field. For instance:

Evaluation Criteria for
smartphones
DESIGN
MATERIALS
RELIABILITY
USABILITY
APPLICATIONS
ORIGINALITY

A +
D
Why?
There are equally large quality differences in
academic writing. For instance:

Evaluation Criteria
DESIGN
MATERIALS
RELIABILITY
USABILITY
APPLICATIONS
ORIGINALITY
STRUCTURE
FACTS, THEORY
FEW ERRORS
READABILITY
EXAMPLES
ORIGINALITY

• Take 2 minutes to read a paragraph from a
Business Case Study assignment, focusing
on ethics.
• Tell your partner: Is this ‘A’ grade work?
Why / Why not?

This case study focuses on a chain of clothes shops.
Firstly, the chain employs a thousand people in New
Zealand. Secondly, the long-term future of this business
is at risk because of rising costs and falling sales. On the
other hand, a very attractive deal has been offered by a
clothes exporter in a developing country. Moreover,
profits could be significantly increased. Furthermore,
concerns have been expressed by a sales manager
regarding employee conditions at this exporter which
affect the workers, the majority of whom are female.
Therefore, Utilitarianism which means the “greatest
happiness of the greatest number” (Mill, 1848) must be
considered in this case.

In this case, there is a chain of clothes
shops. Firstly, the chain employs a
thousand people in New Zealand.
Secondly, the long-term future of this
business is at risk because of rising
costs and falling sales. On the other
hand, a very attractive deal has been
offered by a clothes exporter in a
developing country. Moreover, profits
could be significantly increased.
Furthermore, concerns have been
expressed by a sales manager
regarding employee conditions at this
exporter which affect the workers, the
majority of whom are female.
Therefore, Utilitarianism which means
the “greatest happiness of the greatest
number” (Mill, 1848) must be
considered in this case.
STRUCTURE
FACTS, THEORY
FEW ERRORS
READABILITY
EXAMPLES
ORIGINALITY
D

Try again!
Another way to consider this decision is to focus on its
consequences. Ethical theories which focus on the
consequences are known as consequentialist (Smith, 2009).
According to one of these theories, Utilitarianism, decision-
makers need to focus on the consequences of an action for
everyone who is affected (i.e. the stakeholders). An action
can only be considered justified if it is intended to bring the
greatest happiness to the greatest number of stakeholders
(Richards, 2011). The strength of Utilitarianism is that it
encourages decision-makers to consider in a practical way
the ‘bigger picture’ of their actions’ in terms of their effects
on others, not only on themselves. On the other hand, as
Brown (2006) points out, happiness cannot be objectively
measured, so it is impossible to calculate the consequences
of actions in terms of happiness. There is also the risk that
Utilitarianism can be used to justify actions which seem evil
in themselves, because it focuses only on consequences
(Smith, 2009).

STRUCTURE
FACTS, THEORY
FEW ERRORS
READABILITY
EXAMPLES
ORIGINALITY
Another way to consider this decision is to
focus on its consequences. Ethical theories
which focus on the consequences are
known as consequentialist (Smith, 2009).
According to one of these theories,
Utilitarianism, decision-makers need to
focus on the consequences of an action for
everyone who is affected (i.e. the
stakeholders). An action can only be
considered justified if it is intended to bring
the greatest happiness to the greatest
number of stakeholders (Richards, 2011).
The strength of Utilitarianism is that it
encourages decision-makers to consider in
a practical way the ‘bigger picture’ of their
actions’ in terms of their effects on others,
not only on themselves. On the other hand,
as Brown (2006) points out, happiness
cannot be objectively measured, so it is
impossible to calculate the consequences of
actions in terms of happiness. There is also
the risk that Utilitarianism can be used to
justify actions which seem evil in
themselves, because it focuses only on
consequences (Smith, 2009).
A

ADVICE FROM INTERNATIONAL STUDENTS AT MASSEY
UNIVERSITY … ALL OF WHOM RECEIVED ‘A’ GRADES
I always write down what I have
to do in my diary – like when the
lecturer recommended some
reading. And when I read it, I
cross it off the list.
A grade student, Nursing

Try to read each week’s material before the lecture. You will be
able to ask questions and participate more in class. It will also help
you get noticed by the lecturer. A grade student, Accounting

The after chapter exercises are very important. Try to do
as many as possible and always find the main point of
each one … and there is a high possibility that questions
on the exam will be similar to those provided. A grade
student, Finance

Interact with classmates,
especially those who are
not your country mates -
Cultural difference enables
your thinking. A grade
student, Management

If you don't understand something in class and don't feel
comfortable asking the lecturer in front of the other students,
write down the question. Ask the lecturer after class and
make sure to write down their response as to not to forget. A
grade student, Science

Essay writing is not my thing; therefore, I always go to
the NCTL to get some help. The NCTL staff are amazing;
thanks to their help, I have never received less than 80%
for my essays and reports. A grade student, Accounting
ctlalb@massey.ac.nz

CHECKLIST OF SUCCESSFUL STRATEGIES
• Read about topic BEFORE lectures
• Talk to classmates before and after lectures
• Make a note of points which lecturer emphasises
• Answer the questions at the end of each chapter in the
textbook
• Note down things you don’t understand and ask lecturer
(e.g. during their office hours, by email or on the Stream
forum)
• Use the NCTL

VIDEOS tinyurl.com/nctlvideos
OWLL owll.massey.ac.nz

BASIC SKILLS WORKSHOPS
(Study Up)

ADVANCED SKILLS WORKSHOPS
(Postgrad)
SEE tinyurl.com/nctlworkshops

Discuss your assignments etc with an NCTL expert
DROP-IN SERVICE Just ask at the library desk
APPOINTMENTS email ctlalb@massey.ac.nz
(including your student ID, phone number and course)

Attend a library workshop:
tinyurl.com/masseylibraryworkshops
Book a library room for your group project:
tinyurl.com/masseylibraryroom
Workshops and support to help you feel well:
tinyurl.com/masseywellness
Services for students with a disability:
tinyurl.com/masseydisability
Some other useful resources

IMPROVING YOUR ENGLISH
COMMUNICATION SKILLS
PART 3

Academic research has found that practising
and improving spoken communication skills is
a key to the satisfaction of international
students during their university studies and
to their employability after they graduate.

(Birrell & Healy, 2006, p. 13)
…………..

(O’Loughlin & Arkoudis, 2009, p. 44)

References
Birrell, B., & Healey, E. (2006). Migrant accountants: High
numbers, poor outcomes. People & Place, 16(4), 9-22.
O’Loughlin, K., & Arkoudis, S. (2009). Investigating IELTS
exit score gains in higher education. IELTS Research
Reports 10, 1-86
Paul, A. (2007). IELTS as a predictor of academic language
performance 2. IELTS Research Reports 7, 1-35.
Radloff, A. (2011). Student engagement in New Zealand
universities. Wellington, New Zealand: AKO Aotearoa.

Who do you expect to communicate in English with
after you graduate?
How would you feel if your communication skills were
the same as they are now when you graduate from
Massey?
What are your goals for improving your spoken
communication skills this semester?
Who will you communicate with in English to when you
are not on campus?
What social activities will you do which involve
communicating in English?
SPEND 2 MINUTES DISCUSSING EACH QUESTION

OPPORTUNITIES FOR COMMUNICATION PRACTICE
You’ll see 5 local groups on the following slides.
For each one, discuss:
• What kind of people would you expect to see there?
• How comfortable would you feel in this group activity?
• What opportunities would you have to improve your
communication skills in the group?

OPPORTUNITY 1
Wednesday evenings at East Coast Bays Community Project,
2 Glen Rd, Browns Bay. Contact Alistair on 0211723756 for details
North Shore Board Games group
• Kind of people?
• How easy to participate?
• Improve communication skills?

OPPORTUNITY 2
Meet outside New World, Scotland St, Auckland to carpool and go for regular
weekend or evening hikes. See meetup.com/auckland-hiking for details
Auckland hiking group
• Kind of people?

OPPORTUNITY 3
Massey Recreation Centre, Thursday evenings from 7.30 pm. $10 per class for
students. Also at other locations (e.g. Browns Bay on Wednesdays).
Modern partner dance (Ceroc)
• Kind of people?

OPPORTUNITY 4
Albany Village library on the third Weds of every month from 10.30 am to 12 pm.
There are many other book clubs in Auckland. See Auckland library website and
meetup.com (but never go alone to a stranger’s house!)
Book club
• Kind of people?

OPPORTUNITY 5
Every Weds from 7.10 – 8.30 am in the ASA Student lounge on campus. See
academictm.org.nz/ for details. Also see toastmasters.org.nz for details of similar
clubs all around Auckland – most meet during evenings.
Public speaking club
(Toastmasters)
• Kind of people?

HOW TO FIND OUT ABOUT LOCAL CLUBS & EVENTS

FOR MASSEY UNI CLUBS see asa.ac.nz/clubs/clubs-list

ADD Campus Life Massey Albany ON FACEBOOK

LOOK AT THE EVENTS PAGE OF THE North Shore Times
Or like East Coast Bays Community Project on Facebook

CHECK OUT AUCKLAND GROUPS AND EVENTS ONLINE
EVENTFINDA.CO.NZ
MEETUP.COM
• You need to register
• Please take care
attending any of these
events, as anyone can
organise a ‘meet up’

SEE volunteeringauckland.org.nz
CONSIDER DOING SOME VOLUNTARY WORK

businessnh.org.nz/c3
REGISTER FOR INTERNSHIPS WITH LOCAL BUSINESSES
AND USE MASSEY’S CAREER SERVICE TO ‘GIVE
YOURSELF THE EDGE’: SEE careers.massey.ac.nz

FOR BUSINESS NETWORKING, CONSIDER THE LOCAL
ROTARY AND / OR LIONS’ CLUBS
SEE rotarydistrict9910.org/ClubDirectory
Nearest branch meets on
Thursdays at 5.45 pm at the
Northern Tennis Club, Oteha Valley
Road
SEE lionsclubs.org.nz
Nearest branch meets on 1st & 3rd
Tues of each month at 6.30 pm at
the RSA, Bute Rd, Browns Bay

RESEARCHING NZ / AOTEAROA
PART 4

Tell your partner THREE interesting facts about NZ?
Where and how have you learnt about NZ?
SPEND 1 MINUTE DISCUSSING EACH POINT

NZ Quiz
• Once again, open kahoot.it in your
browser
• Enter the game pin and your nickname
• Click on one symbol as
quickly as possible to
record your answers

NZ Quiz Feedback
(Ministry of Health, 2014)
1. Which of these is a principle of the Treaty of
Waitangi?

(Meares, Cain, & Spoonley, 2011)
2. _____ networks is the name given to business
relationships among the ethnic Chinese community
in Auckland.

3. Which of these kinds of health is included in the
Maori model of health and wellbeing known as
Whare Tapa Wha?
(Ministry of Health, 2015)

(Cain, Meares, Spoonley, & Peace, 2011, p. 24)
4. What is unusual about Dominion Road compared
to ‘Chinatown’ areas in cities overseas?

(Statistics New Zealand, n.d.)
5. What was NZ’s net migration in 2016?

(Statistics New Zealand, n.d.)
6. What is the most common occupational group in
Auckland?

(Statistics New Zealand, 2013)
7. What percentage of NZ women have an annual
income higher than $100 000?

(Statistics New
Zealand, 2015)
8. Which percentage of the NZ economy employs
most people?

(Statistics New Zealand, 2013)
9. A quarter of the NZ population were born overseas.
What was the most common country of birth?
Photo credit: David Krapes - "Englishman
Thomas Hutchinson," portrayed by Al LePage

(Ministry of Business, Innovation,
& Employment, 2015)
10. What percentage of NZ enterprises have 50 or
more employees?

References
Cain, T., Meares, C., Spoonley, P., & Peace, R. (2011). Halfway house: The Dominion Road ethnic precinct. Retrieved from
http://newsettlers.massey.ac.nz.
Meares, C., Cain, T., & Spoonley, P. (2011). Bamboo networks: Chinese business owners and co-ethnic networks in Auckland, New
Zealand. Journal of Chinese Overseas, 7, 258-269.
Ministry of Business, Innovation, & Employment. (2015). Small businesses in New Zealand: How do they compare with larger firms?
[Factsheet]. Retrieved from http://www.mbie.govt.nz/info-services/business/business-growth-agenda/sectors-reports-series/pdf-
image-library/the-small-business-sector-report-and-factsheet/small-business-factsheet-2015.pdf.
Ministry of Health. (2014). Treaty of Waitangi Principles. Retrieved from http://www.health.govt.nz/our-work/populations/maori-
health/he-korowai-oranga/strengthening-he-korowai-oranga/treaty-waitangi-principles.
Ministry of Health. (2015). Maori models of health: Whare Tapa Wha. Retrieved from http://www.health.govt.nz/our-
work/populations/maori-health/maori-health-models/maori-health-models-te-whare-tapa-wha.
Statistics New Zealand. (n.d.). Top statistics. Retrieved from http://www.stats.govt.nz/browse_for_stats/snapshots-of-nz/top-
statistics.aspx.
Statistics New Zealand. (n.d.). 2013 census quickstats about a place: Auckland region – work. Retrieved from
http://www.stats.govt.nz/Census/2013-census/profile-and-summary-reports/quickstats-about-a-
place.aspx?request_value=13170&tabname=Work.
Statistics New Zealand. (2013). 2013 census: New Zealand as a village of 100 people [Infographic]. Retrieved from
http://www.stats.govt.nz/Census/2013-census/profile-and-summary-reports/2013-census-infographic-nzvillage.aspx.
Statistics New Zealand. (2013). 2013 census quickstats about national highlights: Cultural diversity. Retrieved from
http://www.stats.govt.nz/Census/2013-census/profile-and-summary-reports/quickstats-about-national-highlights/cultural-
diversity.aspx

Practice
Access one of the websites on the
previous slides
Prepare one multiple choice question
to ask the other students in part 2 of
the workshop tomorrow

SEE YOU FOR PART 2
Same place, same time, tomorrow

DEVELOPING YOUR ACADEMIC
LANGUAGE & SKILLS DAY 2

DAY 2 SCHEDULE
PART 5: Summarising, without plagiarizing
PART 6: Improving the flow of your writing
PART 7: Improving your proofreading

Before we begin, let’s check
yesterday’s homework!
Who has prepared a multiple choice
question about New Zealand, using one
of the websites introduced yesterday?

SUMMARISING WITHOUT
PLAGIARISING
PART 5

CITING IDEAS OR WORDS YOU’VE FOUND IN
YOUR RESEARCH
The next slide shows a paragraph from an essay
comparing two approaches to leadership.
Fayol Confucius

There is not one citation in the paragraph.
How many citations do you think there should be?

In contrast to Fayol’s pragmatism, Confucianism is a philosophical and
ethical approach to the maintenance of social stability. Social
relationships are categorised into five types: emperor-subject, father-
son, husband-wife, older-young brother, and friend-friend. Leadership
is central to all of these relationships because society is viewed as
hierarchical, with each member typically having power over some,
while being subservient to others. The potential for power struggles
means that harmony is seen as a key objective in order to secure the
sustainability of the society. Therefore, in an organisational context,
leaders need to maintain a harmonious environment in which
employees willingly accept their duties. The credibility of leaders is
strengthened by a commitment to continual self-improvement, with
the aim of achieving the status of junzi, or person of exemplary moral
character.

FEEDBACK
It’s impossible to know just by looking at the text!
It depends how many different sources the student has used.

If the whole of this paragraph is based on ideas from one book or
article, it could have one citation at the end.
In contrast to Fayol’s pragmatism, Confucianism is a philosophical and ethical
approach to the maintenance of social stability. Social relationships are
categorised into five types: emperor-subject, father-son, husband-wife, older-
young brother, and friend-friend. Leadership is central to all of these
relationships because society is viewed as hierarchical, with each member
typically having power over some, while being subservient to others. The
potential for power struggles means that harmony is seen as a key objective in
order to secure the sustainability of the society. Therefore, in an organisational
context, leaders need to maintain a harmonious environment in which
employees willingly accept their duties. Their credibility is strengthened by a
commitment to continual self-improvement, with the aim of achieving the status
of junzi, or person of exemplary moral character (Ip, 2009).

However, it comes across as a bit LAZY and
UNCRITICAL to rely on the ideas from just one book.

High quality university level writing integrates ideas
from more than one academic source

For example:
In contrast to Fayol’s pragmatism, Confucianism is a
philosophical and ethical approach to the maintenance of social
stability (de Bettignies, Ip, Bai, Habisch, & Lenssen,
2011). Social relationships are categorised into five types:
emperor-subject, father-son, husband-wife, older-young brother,
and friend-friend (Li, 1984). Leadership is central to all of
these relationships because society is viewed as hierarchical,
with each member typically having power over some, while
being subservient to others. The potential for power struggles
means that harmony is seen as a key objective in order to
secure the sustainability of the society (Ip, 2009; Zhang, Lin,
Nonoka, & Beom, 2005). Therefore, in an organisational
context, leaders need to maintain a harmonious environment in
which employees willingly accept their duties (Tsui, Wang, Xin,
Zhang, & Fu, 2004). Their credibility is strengthened by a
commitment to continual self-improvement, with the aim of
achieving the status of junzi, or person of exemplary moral
character (Ip, 2009).

STEP 1: USE THE LIBRARY SEARCH ENGINE TO
FIND SOURCES FOR YOUR TOPIC
See: tinyurl.com/masseylibraryworkshops

Here are some articles I
found for my topic

STEP 2: Look especially in introduction, discussion
and conclusion sections of articles to identify key
ideas on your topic.
Make brief notes as much as possible in
your own words, from memory and include
the reference.

STEP 3 : Make brief notes in your own words on ideas,
facts or examples you can use in your own writing.
It’s a good idea to close the source and
write your notes from memory – it makes it
easier to catch the main points and use your
own words

4 major features: social hierarchy, obedience, balance
and give and take Tsui et al., 2004
Example 1
Using my own words in my notes (instead of ‘cut
and paste’) means that I can write without
risk of plagiarism.
Original text
My note
………………..

Example 2
Original version
social harmony = basis of stable society – depends on
people showing respect and accepting norms and
position in society
My note
Zhang, Lin, Nonoka, & Beom, 2005

Example 3
Confucianism = philosophical & ethical / system /
guides social behaviour / supports stable government
(de Bettignies, Ip, Bai, Habisch, & Lenssen, 2011
Original text
My note

Example 4
Junzi = exemplary individual – committed to behaving
ethically (Ip, 2011)
Original text
My note

Basic features of Confucianism
philosophical & ethical / system / guides social behaviour /
supports stable government
based on education / self-discipline
Fernandez, 2004
based on virtue, ritual, obedience & hard work
Li & Tsui, 2015
4 major features: social hierarchy, obedience, balance and
give and take Tsui et al., 2004
Build up a single set of notes divided into themes and add
notes from different articles under the same theme.

STEP 4: Expand your notes into sentences.
You can be creative when you write from your notes –
as long as you keep to the ‘spirit’ of the original.

Confucianism = philosophical & ethical / system /
guides social behaviour / supports stable government
In contrast to Fayol’s pragmatism, Confucianism is a
philosophical and ethical approach to the maintenance of
social stability (de Bettignies, Ip, Bai, Habisch, &
Lenssen, 2011).
My note
My sentence
Example 1

Example 2
Junzi = exemplary individual – committed to behaving
ethically (Ip, 2011)
My note
Their credibility is strengthened by a commitment
to continual self-improvement, with the aim of
achieving the status of junzi, or person of
exemplary moral character (Ip, 2009).
My sentence

IMPROVING THE FLOW OF YOUR
WRITING
PART 6

MOST INTERNATIONAL STUDENTS HAVE BEEN
TOLD TO USE LINKING WORDS TO IMPROVE
THE FLOW OF THEIR PARAGRAPHS.
It often results in the kind of writing we saw in the
D grade essay in yesterday’s workshop.
This case study focuses on a chain of clothes shops. Firstly,
the chain employs a thousand people in New Zealand.
Secondly, the long-term future of this business is at risk
because of rising costs and falling sales. On the other hand,
a very attractive deal has been offered by a clothes exporter
in a developing country. Moreover, profits could be
significantly increased. Furthermore, concerns have been
expressed by a sales manager regarding employee conditions
at this exporter which affect the workers, the majority of
whom are female. Therefore, Utilitarianism which means
the “greatest happiness of the greatest number”
(Mill, 1848) must be considered in this case.

This case study focuses on a chain of
clothes shops. Firstly, the chain employs a
thousand people in New Zealand.
Secondly, the long-term future of this
business is at risk because of rising costs
and falling sales. On the other hand, a
very attractive deal has been offered by a
clothes exporter in a developing country.
Moreover, profits could be significantly
increased. Furthermore, concerns have
been expressed by a sales manager
regarding employee conditions at this
exporter which affect the workers, the
majority of whom are female. Therefore,
Utilitarianism which means the “greatest
happiness of the greatest number” (Mill,
1848) must be considered in this case.
NOT a sequence!
NOT a contrast!
NOT
reinforcement!
NOT a logical
consequence!
THERE ARE TWO PROBLEMS HERE: OVERUSE AND MISUSE

This case study focuses on a chain of clothes shops. The
chain employs a thousand people in New Zealand. The
long-term future of this business is at risk because of
rising costs and falling sales. A very attractive deal has
been offered by a clothes exporter in a developing country.
Profits could be significantly increased. Concerns have
been expressed by a sales manager regarding employee
conditions at this exporter which affect the workers, the
majority of whom are female. Because the main concern is
about the consequences of accepting the deal, the first
ethical approach to be considered is a consequentialist
one, utilitarianism (Brown, 2014).
The paragraph would be more natural and readable
without any linking words (and by changing the last
sentence so that it makes sense).

EFFECTIVE USE OF LINKING WORDS MEANS USING
THEM STRATEGICALLY – TO EMPHASISE ONE OR TWO
IMPORTANT MOVES IN A PARAGRAPH

This case study focuses on a chain of
clothes shops. The chain employs a
thousand people in New Zealand. The long-
term future of this business is at risk
because of rising costs and falling sales. A
very attractive deal has been offered by a
clothes exporter in a developing country.
Profits could be significantly increased.
However, concerns have been expressed
by a sales manager regarding employee
conditions at this exporter which affect the
workers, the majority of whom are female.
Situation
Problem
Here, for example, it highlights the move from
description of the situation to a focus on the problem
(which will be the focus of the essay)

It’s best to think of linking words as adding
SPICE to a paragraph.

A LITTLE spice, carefully
matched to the dish, will
enhance the flavour.
TOO MUCH will overwhelm
the flavour and make the
dish uneatable.

See how in the well-written paragraph we saw
yesterday, just ONE linking phrase is used to
highlight one important move.

Another way to consider this decision is to focus
on its consequences. Ethical theories which focus
on the consequences are known as
consequentialist (Smith, 2009). According to one
of these theories, Utilitarianism, decision-makers
need to focus on the consequences of an action
for everyone who is affected. An action can only
be considered justified if it is intended to bring
the greatest happiness to the greatest number of
people (Richards, 2011). The strength of this
approach to ethics is that it encourages decision-
makers to consider in a practical way the ‘bigger
picture’ of their actions’ in terms of their effects
on others, not only on themselves. On the other
hand, as Brown (2006) points out, happiness
cannot be objectively measured. And a narrow
interpretation of this approach might lead to a
view that any actions are allowed since ‘the end
justifies the means’.
Explanation
Strength(s)
Weakness(es)
Introduction
of theory

Instead of overusing linking words, use STRATEGIC
REPETITION to improve flow in paragraphs.
STRATEGIC REPETITION means repeating the KEY
TOPIC WORDS (or associated words) in most sentences in
a paragraph. It can give a paragraph a very clear FOCUS
on a theme.

For instance, look again at the paragraph from the A grade
essay about Utilitarianism.
The theme of the whole essay is the DECISION which the
manager needs to make.
The main theme of the paragraph is that Utilitarianism is an
ETHICAL THEORY which focuses on the CONSEQUENCES of
actions.
So the key words are ‘decision’, ‘ethical theory’ and
‘consequences’.
Notice how often these words (or associated words) are used.

Another way to consider this decision is to focus on its
consequences. Ethical theories which focus on the
consequences are known as consequentialist (Smith,
2009). According to one of these theories, Utilitarianism,
decision-makers need to focus on the consequences of
an action for everyone who is affected. An action can only
be considered justified if it is intended to bring the
greatest happiness to the greatest number of people
(Richards, 2011). The strength of this approach to ethics
is that it encourages decision-makers to consider in a
practical way the ‘bigger picture’ of their actions’ in terms of
their effects on others, not only on themselves. On the
other hand, as Brown (2006) points out, happiness cannot
be objectively measured. And a narrow interpretation of this
approach might lead to a view that any actions are allowed
since ‘the end justifies the means’.

Another effective strategy to improve the flow of your writing
is to use an OLD-NEW structure in most sentences.
This is especially important in the TOPIC sentence at the beginning
of a new paragraph. I like to call this a ‘bridge’ sentence.
Another way to consider
this decision …
… is to focus on its
consequences

this decision …
consequences.
Ethical theories which focus
on the consequences …
… are known as
consequentialist
According to one of
these theories,
Utilitarianism,
… decision-makers
need to focus on the
consequences …

THIS decision …
consequences.
According to one of
THESE theories,
Utilitarianism,
… decision-makers
need to focus on the
consequences …
‘This’ and ‘these’ help to link the OLD part
of a sentence strongly to ideas in previous
sentences.

IMPROVING YOUR PROOFREADING
PART 7

Proofreading means looking directly for COMMON
ERRORS of punctuation, grammar, vocabulary and
spelling.
One effective strategy is to choose ONE TYPE OF
ERROR and just look for examples of that type of
error; then choose another type of error and start
again.

1. PUNCTUATION
Sentence Fragments
According to utilitarianism, actions are moral if they are
aimed at producing the greatest happiness for the greatest
number. Meaning that the focus is on consequences and not
the nature of actions in themselves (Smith, 2010).
Run-on sentences
Utilitarianism is a pragmatic theory which focuses on
observable behaviour and subjective judgements, rather
than abstract moral rules, however it has been criticised for
depending on the vague and subjective term ‘happiness’,
this is not something that is measurable like the output of
an industrial or scientific process (Brown, 2006).

2. THE
Ministry of Finance announced that cost of the living has
fallen for fourth consecutive month.
This is the most common grammar mistake because it’s by
far the most common word – and can be tricky to use!

When you’ve mentioned something previously:
At the meeting a student spoke about problems in finding housing.
The student emphasised…
When the meaning of a word is limited.
For example, the meaning can be limited by another word
which comes before:
The article commented on the New Zealand economy.
The meaning can also be limited by a phrase which comes
after:
The books on the third shelf…
The inquiry that began in 2015 …
You need to use THE on average about once every 13 words.
That’s about 150 times in a 2000 word essay!
Common uses include:

3. MISSING ENDINGS
Both study use a semi-structure interview method, but Brown
also use focus group and collect data from observation.
The cost of residential houses have increased by 40% in the
last two years. This dramatic rise in prices have forced
many young people into the rental market.
The authors analysis data from 100 scientific researches
and conclusive demonstrated that live near mobile phone
masts is safety.
4. NON-AGREEMENT OF SUBJECT & VERB
5. WRONG FORM OR CHOICE OF WORDS

6. SPELLING
It should be possible to check spelling errors using Word.
But you should disable ‘autocorrect’ because this can lead to
bizarre words because maybe you just pressed the wrong
key by mistake.

RULES
At the top of the screen, you’ll see a type of error
(for example, ‘the’).
You’ll see a short text with examples of that type of error.
For example:
Hurricanes also known as cyclones or typhoons, exert tremendous
power, these storms are often a hundred kilometres in diameter
and their winds can reach velocities well in excess of 120 kph
(Snowdon, 2006). With such wind velocities; typically
accompanied by heavy rain, hurricanes have the potential to
completely destroy a small town in a matter of hours. (Jameson,
1987)
O: PUNCTUATION

Hurricanes also known as cyclones or typhoons, exert
tremendous power, these storms are often a hundred
kilometres in diameter and their winds can reach
velocities well in excess of 120 kph (Snowdon, 2006).
With such wind velocities; typically accompanied by
heavy rain, hurricanes have the potential to completely
destroy a small town in a matter of hours. (Jameson,
1987)
Count the number of errors of that type in the text.
BINGO O: PUNCTUATION

Write the number next to the letter for the text (e.g.
BINGO O) on your bingo card
4
And if the number is also among your bingo numbers,
cross it out
X

If you have crossed out ALL of your bingo numbers, you
should shout FULL HOUSE
4
X
35 52
41 7
X X
X
8
X

There are several key reasons why international
students choose to study at universities in New
Zealand, clearly, the fact that English is spoken here is
a major attraction for students looking at developing
their mastery of this international language, from an
economic point of view, the relatively modest fees and
affordable accommodation make New Zealand
competitive in an increasingly global education market;
although the strong Kiwi dollar has reduced this
advantage, compared with the United States and
Europe.
BINGO A: PUNCTUATION

BINGO B: PUNCTUATION
Historically womens participation in sport has been
much lower than mens, fifty years ago, less than
one young woman in twenty participated in sport.
(Streep, 2001) Although there is still a gap it has
become much closer. With about half of young
women now taking part (Britney, 2011; Spears,
2012). This increase can be explained; not only by
changes in social attitudes: but also as a result of
the efforts of schools and sporting associations

New Zealand also has a simpler and more open
bureaucracy and, once here, student can be assured of
a safe and pleasant environment in what continue to
be, by and large, a tolerant culture. It is the
combination of these social, economic and cultural
factor, rather than a single driving force, which explain
the sustained growth in international student number
over the last decade.
BINGO C: WORD ENDINGS

BINGO D: WORD ENDINGS
Historically, women’s participation in sport has been
much lower than men’s. Fifty year ago, less than
one young woman in twenty participate in sport
(Streep, 2001). Although there is still a gap, it has
become much closer, with about half of young
women now taking part (Britney, 2011; Spears,
2012). This increase can be explained not only by
changes in social attitudes, but also as a result of
the efforts of school and sporting association.

BINGO E : WORD ENDINGS
There are several key reason why international
student choose to study at universities in New
Zealand. Clearly, the fact that English is spoken here
is a major attraction for student looking at develop
their mastery of this international language, at the
same time as obtain an internationally-recognised
qualification. From an economy point of view, the
relatively low fees and affordable accommodation
make New Zealand competitive in an increasingly
global education market.

BINGO F: THE
Historically, the New Zealand women’s participation
in the sport of any kind has been much lower than
the men’s. Fifty years ago, less than one young
woman in twenty participated in the sport (Streep,
2001). Although there is still a gap, it has become
much closer, with about the half of the young
women now taking the part (Britney, 2011; Spears,
2012). This increase can be explained not only by
changes in social attitudes in the New Zealand, but
as a result of the efforts of schools and sporting
associations across country.

BINGO G : THE
There are several key reasons why the international
students choose to study at the universities in New
Zealand. Clearly, fact that English is spoken here is a
major attraction for the students looking at developing
their mastery of this international language at same
time as obtaining an internationally-recognised
qualification.

BINGO H : SUBJECT-VERB AGREEMENT
There is several key reasons why international
students chooses to study at universities in New
Zealand. Clearly, the fact that English is spoken
here are a major attraction for students looking at
developing their mastery of this international
language at the same time as obtaining an
internationally-recognised qualification.

BINGO I : WORD FORM
students choice to study at universities in New
Zealand. Clearly, the fact that English is spoken
here is a major attractive for students looking at
development their mastery of this international
language at the same time as obtaining an
internationally-recognised qualification. From an
economy point of view, the relative low fees and
competition in an increasingly global education
market.

BINGO J: WORD FORM
Historically, women’s participate in sport has been
much lower than men’s. Fifty years ago, less than
one young woman in twenty participation in sport
(Streep, 2001). Although there is still a gap, it has
become much closer, with about half of young
women now took part (Britney, 2011; Spears,
2012).

students choose to study at universities in New
Zealand, clearly, the fact that English is spoken here is
a major attraction for students looking at developing
their mastery of this international language, from an
economic point of view, the relatively modest level of
fees and affordable accommodation make New Zealand
competitive in an increasingly global education market;
although the strong Kiwi dollar has reduced this
advantage, compared with the United States and
Europe.
BINGO A: PUNCTUATION

BINGO B: PUNCTUATION
Historically womens participation in sport has been much lower
than mens, fifty years ago, less than one young woman in twenty
participated in sport. (Streep, 2001) Although there is still a gap it
has become much closer. With about half of young women now
taking part (Britney, 2011; Spears, 2012). This increase can be
explained; not only by changes in social attitudes: but also as a
result of the efforts of schools and sporting associations

BINGO D: WORD ENDINGS
Historically, women’s participation in sport has been much lower
than men’s. Fifty year ago, less than one young woman in twenty
participate in sport (Streep, 2001). Although there is still a gap, it
has become much closer, with about half of young women now
taking part (Britney, 2011; Spears, 2012). This increase can be
explained not only by changes in social attitudes, but also as the
result of efforts of school and sporting association.

BINGO E : WORD ENDINGS
There are several key reason why international student
choose to study at universities in New Zealand. Clearly,
the fact that English is spoken here is a major
attraction for student looking at develop their mastery
of this international language, at the same time as
obtain an internationally-recognised qualification. From
an economy point of view, the relatively low fees and
competitive in an increasingly global education market.

BINGO F: THE
Historically, the New Zealand women’s participation in the sport
of any kind has been much lower than the men’s. Fifty years
ago, less than one young woman in twenty participated in the
sport (Streep, 2001). Although there is still a gap, it has become
much closer, with about the half of the young women now taking
the part (Britney, 2011; Spears, 2012). This increase can be
explained not only by changes in social attitudes in the New
Zealand, but also as a result of the efforts of schools and
sporting associations across country.

BINGO I : WORD FORM
students choice to study at universities in New
Zealand. Clearly, the fact that English is spoken here is
a major attractive for students looking at development
their mastery of this international language at the
same time as obtaining an internationally-recognised
qualification. From an economy point of view, the
relative low fees and affordable accommodation make
New Zealand competition in an increasingly global
education market.

BINGO J: WORD FORM
Historically, women’s participate in sport has been much lower
than men’s. Fifty years ago, less than one young woman in
twenty participation in sport (Streep, 2001). Although there is still
a gap, it has become much closer, with about half of young
women now took part (Britney, 2011; Spears, 2012).

During the workshop, we’ve covered:
PART 1: Massey Albany quiz
PART 2: Getting high grades
PART 3: Improving your English communication
skills
PART 4: Researching New Zealand
PART 5: Summarising, without plagiarizing
PART 6: Improving the flow of your writing
PART 7: Improving your proofreading
Before you leave, please complete the
feedback form at:
tinyurl.com/masseyacademicenglish2018

Academic language and skills

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