Getting Past No Dealing With Difficult People

Team A
Mahoghany Andrews, Julie Messersmith, Sheryl
Pickering, Casey Anderson, and Allison Smidt
COM 301 UA
Gina Rollings

Thesis
In this presentation we will teach you how to get past
“NO”, and negotiate with difficult personalities using
negotiating skills proven tactics. We have chosen to
research the five difficult personalities of a perfectionist,
baby, bully, aggressive, and stubborn persons. We will also
provide substantial research on the foundation of
negotiating by analyzing the element of negotiation, social
styles, and behavioral dimensions. This world is full of
people from different environments, families, and
cultures, which contribute to our personalities. It is our
intention to provide you with information that will assist
you with how to communicate, understand, and negotiate
with people using the above five common difficult
personality types.

7 Elements(Harvard Negotiation Project, 2006)
1. ALTERNATIVES. These are the walk-away alternatives which each party has if agreement
is not reached. These are things that one party or another can do by self-help, without
requiring the agreement of the other. In general, neither party should agree to
something that is worse for that party than its "BATNA" -- its Best Alternative To a
Negotiated Agreement.
2. INTERESTS This is the word we use for what it is that somebody wants. Underlying the
positions of the parties are their needs, their concerns, their desires, their hopes and
their fears. Other things being equal, an agreement is better to the extent that it meets
the interests of the parties.
3. OPTIONS. We use this word to identify the full range of possibilities on which the
parties might conceivably reach agreement. We refer to options "on the table" or which
might be put on the table. "We might decide that you get the orange, that I get it, that
we cut it in half, or we might decide that I can have the peel for baking and that you can
have the fruit to eat. They are all options. We have not yet decided." Generally speaking,
an agreement is better if it is the best of many options; if it could not be better for one
party without being worse for another.
4. LEGITIMACY. Other things being equal, an agreement is better to the extent that each
party considers it to be fair as measured by some external benchmark, some criterion or
principle beyond the simple will of either party. Such external standards of fairness
include international law, precedent, practice, or some principle such as reciprocity or
most-favored-nation treatment.

7 Elements (cont’d)
5. COMMITMENT. Commitments are oral or written statements about what a
party will or won't do. They may be made during the course of a negotiation
or may be embodied in an agreement reached at the end of the negotiation. In
general, an agreement will be better to the extent that the promises made
have been well planned and well-crafted so that they will be practical,
durable, easily understood by those who are to carry them out, and verifiable
if that is important.
6. COMMUNICATION. Other things being equal, an outcome will be better if it
is reached efficiently without waste of time or effort. Efficient negotiation
requires effective two-way communication.
7. RELATIONSHIP. A negotiation has produced a better outcome to the extent
that the parties have improved their ability to work together rather than
damaged it. Most important negotiations are with people or institutions with
whom we have negotiated before and will be negotiating again. Whatever else
a relationship may involve, one crucial aspect is an ability to deal well with
differences. One dimension of the quality of a negotiated outcome is the
quality of the resulting working relationship: Are the parties better or worse
able to deal with future differences?

Social Styles/Behavioral Dimensions(Styles of Negotiation, 2008)
A person’s Social Style is measured in relation
to three behavioral dimensions:
• Assertiveness
• Responsiveness
• Versatility

 The Assertiveness Scale:
• Measures the degree to which a
person is seen as attempting to
influence the thoughts, decisions
or actions of others either
directly by tell behavior or by
questioning, i.e. ask behavior.
• Tell Behavior: Is risk-taking,
fast-paced, challenging.
• Ask Behavior: Is co-operative,
deliberate actions, minimizing
risks.
 The Responsiveness Scale:
• Measures the degree to which a
person either openly expresses
their feelings or controls their
feelings. The ends of the scale
are “control” and “emote”.
• Control Behavior: Is disciplined,
serious, and cool.
• Emote Behavior: Is relationship
oriented, open, and warm.
*The two scales combine to give a two-dimensional model of behavior, which
will help you to understand how others perceive you.
*The dimensions of behavior will also help you to plan how you can deal more
effectively with people of different Social Styles.

The Four Social Styles and How You
Should Negotiate With Them:
 Driver: The Director.
Assertive but not responsive
Task rather than people
oriented.
Decisive and determined
Controlled emotions
Set on efficiency and
effectiveness.
Likes control, often in a hurry.
Firm, stable relationships
Stubborn, tough. impatient.
Inflexible poor listener.
 To Negotiate With Drivers:
 Plan to ask questions about and
discuss specifics, actions and
results.
 Use facts and logic.
 When necessary, disagree with facts
rather than opinions. Be assertive.
 Keep it business-like, efficient and
to the point.
 Personal guarantees and
testimonials are least effective .
better to provide
options and facts.
 Do not invade personal space.

Why are People Stubborn?(Erlinewordpress.com, 2008)
 A stubborn individual is usually one who has decided not to learn
anything new. “I’ve been doing it this way for x number of years and I
don’t see any reason to change now.” It is helpful to remember that
when dealing with this discontented personality that this individual is
afraid that you might want to change something that they are deeply
attached to. This person may actually be expressing a fear that you are
trying to be too controlling for them. Give them the extra time to
adjust to changes and do your best not to surprise them. Never make
sudden demands and make sure to give them some options and
choices. Be casual, and calm in your approach with them. Let them
give input on issues, rather than telling them what to do.

How it hurts the person:
Stubborn people resist changes
that threaten their sense of
security. They stall on giving
answers and participating in
their workplace as a team
member. They may grit their
teeth or become upset easily
when someone want to change
something. They tend to say
“no” very quickly without
listening to what is being asked
of them. When pushed or
rushed, they get may angry and
dig in their heels even more.

How Being Stubborn Effects The Workplace and
How To Communicate With Stubborn People
(Itstime.com, 2008)
How it affects the workplace:
Stubborn people become known as roadblocks to progress,
ridiculed or ignored until it’s too late. Then, they become even
more difficult because they are being pushed even more. They can
sabotage projects, avoid decisions and create havoc for others who
need to get things done.
How to improve communication:
Remember that a stubborn person is feeling afraid that you might
want to change something that they are attached to. They may
feel that you are too controlling for them.
Give the person extra time to adjust to whatever is changing.
Don’t surprise them. Never make sudden demands. Give them
options and choices. Be casual in your approach. Be calm with
them. Ask them for input on issues, rather than telling them what
to do.

What defines a Perfectionist?
 Achievement and accomplishment are
what drive perfectionists as well as
obtaining high personal standards (Liley,
2006)
 Become defensive and oversensitive
when criticized (Borysenko, 2004)
 Find it difficult to joke and be flexible
(Borysenko, 2004)
 Focus on the small details (Liley, 2006)
 Obsessed with rules and regulations
(Liley, 2006)
 Often procrastinate due to their
constant need to get everything perfect
(Borysenko, 2004)
 Often self-criticize, feel anxious, and feel
guilt when things don’t go perfect
(Borysenko, 2004)

Are you a Perfectionist? (Kanarek, 1994)
 Five simple questions can help you determine whether or not you are
a perfectionist and if it is hindering you from having a fully productive
day.
 Do you often find yourself focusing on top-priority projects while
ignoring other tasks that are also important?
 Are you able to share the work load with others or do you feel you are
always the perfect one for the job?
 Are you doing things well but are unable to recognize this because you
are constantly concerned with improving?
 Do you often start projects but rarely finish them because you feel
you’re capable of doing every task that comes your way?
 Do you often expect others to work at the same pace as you and
wonder why some are unable to function at the same pace as you?
 Perfectionist Quiz (About.com, 2009)
• http://stress.about.com/library/perfectionism/bl_perfectionism_quiz.
htm

Children Who Are Perfectionists
(Greenberg, 2006)
Children can show signs of perfectionism early on in life and
there are various ways in which parents and mentors can “deal”
with these children as well as helping the child learn to deal with
their perfectionism.
• Be a role model proving it’s okay to not be
perfect
• Teach children that others do not like to be
criticized and that it is favorable to praise
others for the good things they do
• Teach children to be tolerant of other’s
differences
• Support children in being creative and
flexible
• Emphasize the importance of learning
rather than performing

How to Deal with Perfectionists
Help them organize their time on each project (Liley,
2006).
Constantly focus them on the big picture rather than the
details (Liley, 2006)
Give them permission to be imperfect (Liley, 2006)
Don’t be afraid to gently tell the perfectionist boss if you
need a break from his/her long hours of commitment
(Liley, 2006)
Focus them on their strengths so they don’t dwell on
perfecting what they may not be good at (Kanarek, 1994)
Help them realize everyone works at different paces and
have different ways of reaching similar goals (Kanarek,
1994)

Baby Personality
Someone with a baby
personality type can be
very difficult to deal
with. They get to be
very defensive and
annoying.

Baby (Manning 1995-2006)
Defensive
When trying to make a point
Don’t allow to be hopeful or positive in the
conversation
Will always be looking at the negative side of
all conversations

Baby (Lond, 2007)
Annoying
• worst part of the baby personality is they have a
tendency to be very whiney
• The hardest challenge in conversations with
them is you need to have the patience to get
past the whiney negative behaviors they tend to
have

Baby (Lond, 2007)
Annoying
• worst part of the baby
personality is they have a
tendency to be very whiney
• The hardest challenge in
conversations with them is
you need to have the
patience to get past the
whiney negative behaviors
they tend to have

Dealing with a Baby (Manning 1995-2006)
• It is best to allow the baby to immediately have
what they want.
• If you where to interrupt the baby then they
become defensive again.
• Be patient and keep positive.
• Point out the negative things, then logically
dismiss them.

Characteristics of a Bully(bullyonline.org, 2008)
• is a control freak
• manipulates people or situations
• Excessive criticism, belittles
others
• Gives take it or leave it type
offers
• Attempts to undermine you and
your position, status, worth,
value, and potential
• Shouts or threatens people

How do you know you are dealing
with a bully?
(Shaler, 2007; Liley, 2006)
• a refusal to acknowledge your
contributions, achievements, and
value.
• Being overloaded with work or having
all of your work taken away and
replaced with either menial tasks or
no work at all.
• Finding that your work is being
attributed to another.
• Being given unrealistic goals (bullyonline.org,
2008)

What NOT to do in dealing with a bully:
Do not adopt the same attitude as the bully.
• Don’t respond with yelling or other bully behaviors as
this will only exacerbate the situation.
Avoid a clash of wills.
• Focus on the information, don’t let things get to an
emotional level. (Shaler, 2007)
Don’t become a victim.
• If you cannot kill them with kindness, get out of the
way. Bullies love an audience! (Liley, 2006)

How to Best Approach a Bully
• Be Prepared – Know your goal and stay focused on it (Shaler, 2007).
• Always keep your composure – Remain calm and professional.
• Show the bully that you want to work together as a team
– Emphasize the points that you both agree on. (Shaler, 2007)
• Use calming phrases:
– I can tell that you are upset, worried, etc.
– Tell me more about that…
– Let me be sure that I understand you…
• Become a mirror - rude comments repeated back to the bully may get
him to rethink what he has said. (Lilley, 2006)
• Set limits for yourself - Never accept a deal from a bully that you would
not accept from somebody else (Donaldson, 1996).
• If you cannot reach an agreement - Consider changing the negotiator.

Aggressive Personality(Bergman, James & McIntyre, 2004)
• People with an aggressive personality tend to interpret
conversations with others as contest to establish
dominance. In order to do so they will behave in a
hostile to show strength or bravery, which they feel
will gain the respect from others.
• Aggressive people feel the most effective way to deal
with frustrating and angry situations by using some
form of aggression. They also feel the desire to inflict
some type of harm on their target because it may
make them feel better.
• A person with an aggressive personality lacks control
over their aggressive impulses, resulting in aggressive
acts which they may later regret.

Characteristics of an AggressiveCharacteristics of an Aggressive
PersonalityPersonality
• Head and Face
• Frowns
• Presses lips tightly
together
• Assumes a set facial
expression
• Baring teeth
• Juts chin out and
upwards
(Sutherland,1997)
• Head and Face
• Frowns
• Presses lips tightly
together
• Assumes a set facial
expression
• Baring teeth
• Juts chin out and
upwards
(Sutherland,1997)
• Body
• Leans forward with
arms crossed
• Hands on hops
• Unable to sit
still/pacing
• Tense
• Stands or sits in
close proximity to
others
(Sutherland,1997)
• Body
• Leans forward with
arms crossed
• Hands on hops
• Unable to sit
still/pacing
• Tense
• Stands or sits in
close proximity to
others
(Sutherland,1997)
•Eyes
•Maintains strong eye
contact
•Cold hard stare
•Piercing/glaring
eyes
•Will be last to look
away in a conflict
situation
(Sutherland,1997)
•Eyes
•Maintains strong eye
contact
•Cold hard stare
•Piercing/glaring
eyes
•Will be last to look
away in a conflict
situation
(Sutherland,1997)

Characteristics of an AggressiveCharacteristics of an Aggressive
PersonalityPersonality
Hands
 Sharp
 Provocative hand
gestures (clenched
fists)
 Shaking of fist
 Finger pointing and
stabbing actions
(Sutherland,1997)
Hands
 Sharp
 Provocative hand
gestures (clenched
fists)
 Shaking of fist
 Finger pointing and
stabbing actions
(Sutherland,1997)
•Voice
•Terse
•Abrupt and
threatening speech
•Cold and loud
•Tends to raise
voice at the end of
sentences
(Sutherland,1997)
•Voice
•Terse
•Abrupt and
threatening speech
•Cold and loud
•Tends to raise
voice at the end of
sentences
(Sutherland,1997)

Why Are People Aggressive?
An person with an aggressive personality is aggressive towards
others because in most cases they have received an reward or
reinforcement for their behavior (Sutherland, 1997).
They want to dominate and win, so they will resort to
aggressive behavior because passive people will back down.
When the aggressive person dominates they feel a sense of
power over the other (Sutherland, 1997)
Some people are aggressive because they fail to think rationally
about themselves and also because they were allowed to win at
some point by acts of aggression (Sutherland, 1997)
Because the aggressiveness rewarded them they are more likely
to engage in hostile situations then non aggressive people (Bergman,
James, & McIntyre, 2004)

Dealing With Aggressive People
One of the most important things to do
when dealing with aggressive people is
to diffuse aggression and avoid
resorting to anger and aggression
yourself when dealing with an
aggressive person
(Sutherland, 1997).
One of the most important things to do
when dealing with aggressive people is
to diffuse aggression and avoid
resorting to anger and aggression
yourself when dealing with an
aggressive person
(Sutherland, 1997).

13 Tips For Dealing With an
Aggressive Person(Sutherland, 1997)
Gain Control of your thoughts and feeling by breathing
properly.
Gain information by asking questions to ensure you understand
the situation. Then encourage the aggressor to talk about the
reason’s for their aggression
Check your own inner dialogue for faulty thinking and decide if
you are being unrealistic as well.
Use empathetic listening to show the aggressor that you
understand what they are saying, that you respect them, and
take them seriously.
Clarify any discrepancies that may exist between both parties.
Note that aggressive behavior is often caused by
misunderstandings
Explain to the aggressor how you are feeling and how their
behavior is impacting your actions.

13 Tips For Dealing With an
Aggressive Person
Discuss alternative behavior or actions.
If the aggressor won’t stop, cut off interaction by leaving the
situation.
Try to find things in the aggressor’s argument you can agree
with.
Use the broken record technique to refuse a request and get you
point across.
Use the power of silence to maintain and gain control of an
aggressive situation.
Practice saying, “NO”
Fogging Technique: Use this technique to diffuse the argument,
it will help you to see what is happening without agreeing with
it and becoming defensive or aggressive too.
(Sutherland, 1997)

Conclusion:
Whether in the work world or life in general, different
personalities will require different types of negotiation
skills. We have given you tips on how to deal with five
common personality types, people who are a perfectionist,
a baby, a bully, aggressive, and stubborn personalities.
Using the procedures we have put forth in this
presentation, getting past “NO” will become effortless!

References About.com. (2009). Are You a Perfectionist? Take the Quiz: Does Perfectionism Cause You Stress?
Retrieved January 29, 2009, from
http://stress.about.com/library/perfectionism/bl_perfectionism_quiz.htm.
 Bergman, S.M., James, L.R., & McINtyre M.D. (2004) Identifying the Aggressive Personality.
Knoxville, TN: The Haworth Press Inc.
 Borysenko, J. (2004). The blessings of imperfection. Prevention, 56, 103-107.
 Bullyonline.org (2008). The Serial Bully. Retrieved February 3, 2009, from
http://www.bullyonline.org/workbully/serial.htm
 Donaldson, M. (1996). Negotiating for Dummies (2nd ed.). New York: Hungry Minds, Inc.
 Erlineworldpress.com. (2008). Dealing with the Stubborn Personality. Retrieved February 6, 2009,
from http://erinle.wordpress.com/2007/04/01/dealing-with-the-stubborn-personality/.
 Greenberg, P. (2006). When a child wants everything to go her way. Scholastic Parent & Child,13, 26-
27.
 Harvard Negotiation Project. (2006). The 7 Elements of Negotiation. Retrieved February 6, 2009,
from http://www.pon.harvard.edu.
 Itstime.com. (2008). Dealing with Difficult People. Retrieved February 6, 2009, from
http://www.itstime.com.
 Kanarek, L. (1994). The perils of perfectionism. Executive Excellence, 11, 12.
 Leibling, M. (2005). How People Tick: A Guide to Difficult People and How to Handle Them. London:
Kogan Page Limited
 Liley, R. (2006). Dealing With Difficult People. Kogan Page, Limited.
 Lond, L. (2007, October 16). 5 Difficult Personality Types You May Encounter at Work and How to
Deal with Them. Retrieved January 26, 2009, from Associated Content Web site:
http://www.associatedcontent.com/article/410815/5_difficult_personality_types_you_may.ht
ml?cat=49
 Manning, Dr. M. Seven Difficult Personality Types and How to Deal with Them. Retrieved January 26,
2009, from The Consulting Team. Web site:
http://www.mmanning.com/Articles/sevendifficultpersonalitytypes.htm
 Shaler, R. (2007). How to Handle Bullies at Work. Retrieved February 3, 2009 from
http://www.4hoteliers.com/4hots_fshw.php?mwi=1848
 Sutherland, V.J. (1997). 30 Minutes to Deal with Difficult People. Milford, CT: Kogan Page, Limited

Getting Past No Dealing With Difficult People

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