How to be assertive in difficult situations
- 1. How to be assertive in difficult situations essentials Assertiveness and self-confidence 1/2The contents of this page are the property of Crossknowledge. Any reproduction or representation for non-private use is strictly forbidden It is particularly difficult to assert oneself in a situation of conflict. There is a great danger of going to extremes and adopting one of the two main attitudes that reveal a lack of self-confidence. You risk falling into passivity and saying nothing, or becoming aggressive, crushing the other person and making him or her responsible for the problem. These crisis situations test our relationships. It’s important to learn how to express ourselves so that we can build healthy and long-lasting relationships. We need to make the effort to find solutions that enable us to move forward together in the same direction. t To maintain good relations despite conflict, certain reactions should be encouraged and others avoided. Constructive reactions Waiting a while before speaking to someone about a situation; this can be a way of stepping back and avoiding spontaneous, emotional reactions. Expressing what you felt in a given situation. Proposing solutions for the future; this enables you to start again on a new footing. Non-constructive reactions Accusing the other person without referring to concrete facts. Refusing to listen to the other person; this cuts communication and deprives you of the opportunity to resolve the problem. Reminding the person of things they did wrong in the past. Adopting a constructive attitude In difficult situations, we may react spontaneously. Our reactions may also correspond to the different phases of handling a conflict. There are two main phases in the conflict resolution process. 1st phase: denial You avoid getting involved in the conflict, or only get slightly involved. In this phase, you prefer to ignore the problem (denial stage) or avoid seeking to remedy it (silent stage). This first phase is generally followed by an intermediate stage in which you acknowledge the existence of the problem, but make the other person responsible for the disagreement. This is the accusation stage. 2nd phase: resolution This phase begins when your involvement becomes positive. There are different levels of positive involvement. Being able to recognise them enables you to understand the steps to follow to resolve the conflict. Level 1: accusation. As we have just seen, accusation is a transitional step between the denial phase and the resolution phase. You make the other person bear all of the responsibility for the disagreement by making them feel guilty. This is the first level of involvement. Level 2: facts. The conflict begins to be resolved from this level. At this stage, concrete and precise facts are introduced. You behave in an adult way, coming to an understanding with the other person about the facts at the origin of your disagreement. Level 3: feelings. You begin to express your feelings and emotions sincerely. Two phases in conflict resolution
- 2. essentials How to be assertive in difficult situations Once you know about the different levels of involvement in crisis resolution, you can make conscious use of them. This is what the FOFSCA method proposes. F: recount the context by precisely describing the Facts. OF: express your Opinions and Feelings firmly, without aggressiveness, and take full responsibility for them. Make an effort to use the word “I”. S: suggest or find constructive Solutions. C: state that you are ready to make a Commitment to the proposed solution. Ask the other person to make a commitment as well. A: seal an Alliance by expressing your satisfaction in having reached an agreement. Handling crises using the FOFSCA method 2/2The contents of this page are the property of Crossknowledge. Any reproduction or representation for non-private use is strictly forbidden Level 4: interpreting. At this stage, you begin to reveal the deep feeling that the disagreement provokes in you: the fear of being excluded, rejected, or humiliated, for example. Level 5: construction. This is the time to start again on a good footing and rethink the relationship, firstly by resolving the problem and then by taking steps to prevent it happening again.