How To Win An Argument
- 1. How to Win an ArgumentPitsel & Associates Ltd.
- 2. "Never argue with a fool; onlookers may not be able to tell the difference."
- 3. “Most conversations are simply monologues delivered in the presence of a witness”. Types of ArgumentsThe Argumentative, Aggressive typeThe Whining, Complaining TypeThe Confused, Misinformed Type
- 4. PrinciplesPeople want to be heard and to have their opinions acknowledgedPeople want others to understand how they feelExplanations are a waste of time with those who merely want to argue or to complain
- 5. PrinciplesPeople who complain and whine usually do so because they feel powerless, and they want YOU to do something about the situation.The only person who can solve the problem is the person who owns the problem.
- 6. StrategiesWhen people are emotional and aggressive:Begin with acknowledging their feelings by saying:I can understand that you are (angry, upset, furious, etc.), or,I can see that you are (name feeling), or,I can hear that you are (name feeling)
- 7. StrategiesDo NOT move into content until you have acknowledged the emotional environment in which people are operating.Do NOT tell people to “calm down”Match, with slightly less emphasis, the other person’s energy.
- 8. Maintain eye contactUse their nameRepeat the exact phrases they useStop them non-verbally when you hear them begin to recycle, and say: “Let me make sure I understand your concern. You believe that . . .”
- 9. Use the “I agree . . . I disagree . . . “form. E.g. “I agree that this is a totally different way of doing things than what we have done before. I disagree that is not going to be effective.”
- 10. Most disagreement that occurs, happens over interpretations and not facts. How can you argue with someone who believes that things will be worse? You may not share that belief but that is different than saying s/he is wrong.
- 11. When people are whiny and complaining:Remember, people who are whiny and complaining do not really want an answer to their complaint.They do want YOU to solve their problems
- 12. Ask yourself – Who owns this problem?If THEY own it, then acknowledge that:They have a right to feel how they feelThat their perceptions are true – TO THEMWhen they are ready to do something, you will be willing to help
- 13. If you JOINTLY own the problem, then:Ask them what they think you should do – specificallyDecide whether or not you can or should agree to their requestUse a “When . . . Will” format – “When you do X, I will be happy to do Y”
- 14. When people are confused and misinformed:Begin by listening to the “facts” as they perceive themAgree with what they have said that is correct.Correct erroneous informationSeparate data from conclusionsIf your conclusions differ, provide reasons for the difference.