Hunter's Readability Workshop 2018.02.13

Readability
for official documents
Lawrie Hunter
Editor/mentor, GRIPS CPC

No need to take notes (:^0)
All materials can be downloaded
from Hunter’s slideshare at
http://slideshare.net/rolenzo/
Other resources at
http://lawriehunter.com/
Contact:
For GRIPS business: cpc_editor@gmail.com
For questions/discussion: hunterlawrie@gmail.com

Hunter’s mentor comment marks (coded feedback)
agr mistake with subject-verb agreement
awk A phrase or sentence is awkward (awkward = not smooth)
cas This language is casual, not formal.
comb Combine sentences.
conj This is a conjunction (don’t start a sentence with it).
gr grammar mistake
non-std this phrasing is not standard
par mistake with parallel structure
red redundant (some information has been repeated, e.g. The temperature was also recorded as well.
ref pronoun reference problem (what is the reference? is it correct form?)
rep repetitive
rephr Rephrase this.
run-on This is a run-on sentence; it's too long to be readable.
sp spelling mistake
S-V The subject and verb in a sentence do not agree in some way.
tense You have used the wrong verb tense (past/present/future) e.g. Yesterday I am going to Tokushima.
vag This phrasing is vague or ambiguous.
voice Change from the passive voice to active voice, or vice versa. e.g. The ball was hit by the batter. ('voice' means change to “The batter hit the ball.”)
windy This writing is run-on, it could and should be much shorter.
word Find a better word for your meaning.

Main readability problems
Problems, not errors!
Please note the difference between 'problems' and 'errors'.
An error is a failure to obey some rule or to conform to some
standard.
A problem is something else that somehow causes
communication difficulty.
Many times a sentence or paragraph may be perfect
grammatically, yet for one reason or more it is not very
successful at communicating.

1. Subject-verb distance
e.g. too much subject-verb separation can make a sentence hard to read:
The most important of all the topics in a curriculum for foundation instruction in
policy formulation is generally agreed to be the the philosophy of governance.

1. Subject-verb distance repair
Repair 1. Make two sentences instead of one:
A number topics make up a curriculum for foundation instruction in policy
formulation. It is generally agreed that the most important of those topics is the
philosophy of governance.

Repair 2. Discard some of the information, assuming that the reader can
imagine it, and move the rhetorical phrase 'It is generally agreed' to the head of
the sentence:
It is generally agreed that the most important of all the topics in a policy
formulation curriculum is the philosophy of governance.

Repair 3. Even without discarding any information, moving the rhetorical
phrase to the head of the sentence makes the sentence much easier to read:
It is generally agreed that of all the topics that make up a curriculum for
foundation instruction in policy formulation, the most important of those
topics is the philosophy of governance.

Here are 2 writings of the same information:
1. Although pattern languages are very useful for developing an overview of a
practical field such as architecture, they are not sufficiently rigorous for
abstract work.
2. Pattern languages are not sufficiently rigorous for abstract work, although
they are very useful for developing an overview of a practical field such as
architecture.
Main readability techniques
2. Topic-stress (positions)

abstract work.
architecture.
The 'stress' position in sentence 1 ends with a somewhat
negative adjective phrase. What overall impression does the
sentence give about the topic, pattern languages?

abstract work.
architecture.
Is sentence 2 a more positive comment about pattern languages? Note
the presence of the positive adjectives 'useful' and practical' in the
second half of the sentence, i.e. in the 'stress' position.

3. Parallelism (in lists, in comparison)
Well written parallelism makes it easy for the reader to identify comparisons,
contrasts and lists in sentences or paragraphs, or even in a section or a whole
document.
In parallelism we make sure that
elements that have the same function
also have the same grammatical form.
The most important jobs of the CPC editor are
answering email promptly,
editing for perfect grammar and syntax,
and negotiating the final version with the client.

Parallel nouns
e.g. Style and writing grammatically are both important for researchers.
Parallel phrases
e.g. His score was above the class average but did not meet his expectations.
Prepositional phrases
e.g. In tennis as badminton, anticipation is very important.
Infinitive phrases
e.g. I have been so busy that I haven't had time to read the newspaper, wash the dishes or
phone my mother.
Noun phrases
e.g. He had no time for chatting, not enough strength for sports.

Clauses
e.g. He said that he couldn't remember where he'd been or done the night before.
Dependent Clauses
e.g. Hunter told the policeman that he hadn't been speeding and he didn't like being
stopped.
Independent Clauses
e.g. When time is short, work quickly; when you have lots of time, work hard.
Note: In the last example, the two independent clauses are joined by a semi-colon, which,
like the word 'and', tells the reader that the two clauses are equally important and
somehow related.

4. Pronoun reference
e.g. 1
Smith [5] refused to pay the claim made by Williams [7] stating that his calculations
should be checked.
e.g. 2
Prior to the trade reforms of the 1990s, the North American economy was highly
protectionist and several attempts at trade liberalization failed. This changed after the
revolution in 1997, when the newly installed democratic government opened the
economy to foreign trade and initiated trade liberalization.

4. Pronoun reference
e.g. 3
The calculation of the instructor’s pay was very likely incorrect, since the hours worked
indicated in the sign-in book did not agree with the instructor’s teaching schedule. This
caused the payment to be delayed.
In the above paragraph, the antecedent of 'This' could be:
1. the first clause of the first sentence
2. the second clause of the first sentence, or
3. the whole first sentence!

5. Article choice
e.g. The data was analyzed using the Frompton model.
e.g. The data was analyzed using a Frompton model.
e.g. Regarding applications for admission, if an applicant expresses concern ...
e.g. Regarding applications for admission, if the applicant expresses concern ...
OH!! https://owl.english.purdue.edu/owl/resource/540/01/

6. Word choice (a.k.a. diction)
e.g. 1
An application form must be submitted by the deadline.
e.g. 2
The data from the survey proved that the foreign students did not like the taste of
natto.
e.g. 3
The president determined that all professors should take the ethics training.

7. Cohesion
Cohesion is a huge and important topic for academic writers.
It’s one of the most important aspects of readability.
We can create cohesion:
-between sentences
-between paragraphs
-between sections of a document

7. Cohesion
a) Topic based cohesion: repeated mention of a topic
Look at this long, plain sentence:
Text (a):
“Failure to submit a completed application and supporting documents
before the indicated deadline will result in rejection of the application
unless there are unavoidable circumstances, and will cause annoyance
to the staff.” [32 words]
This sentence does not have any emphasis in it; it does not grab the
reader's attention.

7. Cohesion
a) Topic based cohesion: repeated mention of a topic
Expand the sentence to three sentences,
use repeated mention to create cohesion, and
vary the grammar form of the topic.
Text (b):
"Failure to submit a completed application and supporting documents before
the indicated deadline will result in rejection of the application. As well, the
staff who are forced to refuse an applicant will feel annoyed. In some cases,
an incomplete submission may not be rejected if there are unavoidable
circumstances." [49 words]

7. Cohesion
b) Rhetorical cohesion: Raising questions in the reader's mind
In question-raising type cohesion, some key element in one sentence is
explained in the following sentence. For example:
1The student’s final test score was much higher than his quiz scores. 2This
inconsistency was deduced to be the result of cell phone use during the final
text. 3Several of the student’s replies were found to have been copied from
the internet. 4The copying was detected by Turnitin software.

7. Cohesion
c) Creating sentence-sentence anticipation
Initially, ____________________________________________.
Eventually, however, _______________.
_____________ led to difficulty in _________.
The problem was solved by ____________, but ____________________.
That weakness was overcome by _____________.

8. Joining sentences together:
1. By sentence combining (also called conjoining sentences)
e.g. My dog is white. My dog can catch a frisbee.
=> My dog is white and he can catch a frisbee.
e.g. I went to the library. I got a book on sentence combining.
=> I went to the library and got a book on sentence combining.

8. Joining sentences together:
2. Using logical connectors
e.g. Student achievement in the course is evaluated by several devices. One
evaluation device is an interview.
Student achievement in the course is evaluated by several devices, including an
interview.
Sentence combining is important for readability,
whereas using logical connectors properly is important for both coherence and
readability.
<<<<>>>>
For exercises, you can search the web with search words such as
<"logical connectors" exercises ESL>

9. Vagueness and ambiguity
e.g. 1 There have been few studies of this phenomenon in the past decade.
e.g. 2 The original objective of the reclamation project, known as Green Getback, was
the recovery of land polluted with toxic waste, which largely resulted from nuclear
plant error.

10. Nominalization
In general, nominalization is the process of converting some phrase into a noun or noun
phrase. For example we can nominalize parts of this sentence:
e.g. The researcher was concerned that her paper would not be accepted if she didn't get
more data.
use nominalization to produce
The researcher was concerned that her lack of data would result in rejection of her paper.
or
The researcher was concerned that her paper might be rejected because of insufficient data.
...or even use an action verb in active voice
The researcher was concerned that the journal might reject her paper because of insufficient
data.

10. Nominalization (cont’d)
Also, we often use nominalization to make titles shorter and more elegant,
e.g. with the title
Using a Variety of Techniques for Measuring Student Satisfaction
we use nominalization to get the noun phrase
Student Satisfaction Measurement Techniques.
Which is more readable, the first version or the second?
Isn't the second version ambiguous?

Readability in YOUR writing life
How can readability knowledge work for your writing?
1. Working with a mentor, using coded feedback – fantastic learning opportunity.
2. Peer editing: with this knowledge, and basic problem solving / pattern recognition
3. Self editing: after you have let your writing ‘cool off’ – go back and do a check list.
4. Using a writing model
- checking: is it a good model???
- check readability / grammar / register (level of formality)

All materials can be downloaded
from Hunter’s slideshare at
http://slideshare.net/rolenzo/
Other resources at
http://lawriehunter.com/
Contact:
For GRIPS business: cpc_editor@gmail.com
For questions/discussion: hunterlawrie@gmail.com

1. MACRO writing strategy:
-plan structure BEFORE writing
It's much easier to build the structure or our writing BEFORE we write
than to repair structural problems after we write.
Argument
Claims and hedging
Information organization (G-S or SPSE or...)
Topic-stress
Paragraph development
Cohesion (rhetorical)
Rhetorical devices
Two common writing strategies

2. MICRO writing strategy:
-repair AFTER you write
It's much easier to go back and check your writing for micro problems such as
subject-verb agreement and tense consistency AFTER you have written some
amount of text than to struggle consciously to avoid those problems as you write.
The main micro features that we should check after writing are:
Subject-verb agreement
Subject-verb separation
Parallelism
Nominalization
Tense, voice, aspect
Pronoun reference
Word choice (accuracy and specificity)
Ambiguity
Vagueness
Topic-stress
Sentence combining
-using conjunctions
-using logical connectors
Cohesion (topic-based)
Two common writing strategies
Today’s topics

Eliminating accessibility problems
In your writing, you need to eliminate writing problems that affect accessibility.
Here is a simple outline of the factors of accessibility.
Readability
Subject-verb agreement
Subject-verb distance
Topic-stress ‘rule’
Parallelism
Pronoun reference
Word choice
Article use (a / an / the / nothing)
Cohesion
Sentence combining
Use of conjunctions and logic links
Clarity
Unambiguous phrasing
Specificity
Precision
Accessibility: it must be
easy and comfortable to extract
information and argument
from the writing.
Argument
Cohesion
Articulate, clear rhetorical signals

Hunter's Readability Workshop 2018.02.13

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Hunter's Readability Workshop 2018.02.13