Never Mind The Nooboos. Part Four
- 1. In which babies are born, clones are formed and I wonder why in the name of Ra I'm still doing this.
- 2. First, a Reepie update. He is (barely) still here! He's made it right through Klaus and Regina's college time and kids A-E. He is gunna make it. Or else.
- 3. Last time the youngest kids, the E triplets, became toddlers. They're still toddlers, and still playing with their blocks. 'Bwoks fun Awice!' I'm sure they are. From left to right that's Emery, Emmett and Edward. Emery's sweet, Edward's hot and Emmett's demanding.
- 4. 'I wuv diz blok.' 'Gimme it.' 'No Emmett. Iz my bwok!' 'Gimme it! NOW!' *wipes tear* I love you Emmett. I really do. And no longer just because of your namesake.
- 5. And here's the only other kid in the house at the moment, Donna. 'Hey.' Where's the purple hair? 'When I visited Carrie at college she gave me different coloured streaks for each outfit.' Awesome. 'Yes, now leave me to study.' Yes ma'am.
- 6. And, of course, Regina and Klaus are still with us. 'Don't sound to put out, Alice.' Sorry. It's just when I started this, I never expected to get this far. Now that I have, it's a bit overwhelming. Oh, and also in this picture is the foetus of baby F. 'Great. More kids.' Shh it you!
- 7. Sorry Donna Cleaning In England we are known for our drunkenness. A foreign exchange student from Germany even old us that we drink too much. She was German, and I’ve been to Germany. That’s how bad we are. According to the ONS (Office of National Statistics) two-fifths of English men and a quarter of English women exceed the recommended amount of alcohol on at least one day of the week. The legal drinking age is eighteen, but no one waits that long. Drinking is a national pastime.
- 8. That's right baby. 'Alice!' It's my hormones! Tell them off! Or you could spank me. 'Alice!' Sorry, sorry. Maybe if you wore some clothes. You really could give a romance sim the wrong idea.
- 9. 'Again?' When are you going to get this, Genie? Lots more again. You're on F at the moment. We want to get to Z. 'Would it be cliche if I told you that I hate you?' A little, yes. 'I think I'm okay with that. I hate you!' I wouldn't have it any other way.
- 10. Body. Sex and the English (really, there is a section in my reference book titled thus) The average age for first sex is sixteen, while the global average is seventeen. Sixteen is also the legal age. The average number of partners is thirteen for men and seven for women, but researchers think that the gender disparity is due to dishonesty. To be continued…
- 11. Nawwww. Hello Emmett. 'Get me the hell out of here. I know people who will do bad things to you.' Just a moment. *checks notes* Ah, here's the problem. You only have three nice points. 'Kid, you wanna sleep with the fishes?' *pats head* Cute little thing.
- 12. 'Awice, we tired!' 'Servants, take me to bed! I will give you all concrete shoes!' 'Awice!' Awww, cuties. Ten kids in and I still suck at raising them.
- 13. Emery! No! 'Gween twesure.' Nope. Just...no! Gross! 'Not gwoss. Naaaaaaaaice!' *shiver*
- 14. Umm....Emmett? 'She likes it.' Emmett? 'I said that she likes it. And you can now call me Don.' No I can't. I caved. Regina and Klaus have been spinning wants for a pet since forever. This is a little girl puppy called Toffee. She's rather cute. 'Arf!' I hate dogs. But Toffee's okay I guess.
- 15. These three are such a handful. They make me miss the quads. 'Emery, it's a simple nursery rhyme.' 'No like it. Want gween twesure!' *eye roll*
- 16. You gunna cause trouble too? 'No. You told me to sit here and look pwetty.' Good boy. I like him.
- 17. Whoops! Skunk! No, wait, that's just Edward passed out. *sigh* I can't wait for them to leave.
- 18. And what are the parents doing? Spying on the roof, of course.
- 19. 'Oooh. Thanks Klaus. Spying on the neighbours always makes my back ache.' They have their first dream date in forever. I should give them more, for the points, but I'm just too lazy.
- 20. Logic. 9% of women and 14.6% of men are engaged in more than one relationship at the same time. 51% are happy with their sex lives, compared to the 36% in Italy and the 38% in France. 4% of Londoners (people living in London) claim to have had sex on an aeroplane, and 15% on public transport. There really is nothing sexier than a big red bus. To be continued…
- 21. Charisma. And you're done. Wow. That was the fastest any kid has done that. 3 days into childhood. Donna, I love you. Bondage is most popular in the Midlands, where 40% of men and women have experimented with handcuffs, blindfolds, restrains or whips. However, people from the Midlands are also the most likely to suffer from STIs (9%). To be continued…
- 22. YAY! I wanted this for so long, and now it's really happening. 'ALICE!!!' Shh. Don't spoil this for me.
- 23. Hoopla! And Genie will be happy too, because it means that she doesn't have to have twins. Though I wouldn't mind twins. But aliens is just as awesome.
- 24. 'Klaus! Tell your friends to throw you to the floor more quietly. Pregnant woman trying to sleep here!' Regina, you never cease to amaze me with your naturally loving nature.
- 25. 'That was more painful than a night with Regina.' I knew it! Oh, and keep that kinda stuff to yourself. Young people might wander in and read this. Apparently. I dunno. Maybe I should delete that entry about bondage in that case…or not.
- 26. 'Wait...take me with you aliens! Don't leave me with all these kids!' Poor Klaus. Now...take off your shirt. 'What?' Please. I'm having a bad day and need cheering up.
- 27. 'No, I'm keeping my shirt on. And I'm still upset about that robbery at the beginning of the last chapter.' *eye roll* Great. That was over a week ago! Get over it!
- 28. 'Ooooh. I feel just like Regina does every time she calls me a-' (the rest of this sentence has been censored) -'and takes away my milk money.' Poor Klaus. Now, who wants to ponder exactly where the kid's gunna come out from? Because this is a real man pregnancy, not like that jerk in America. HE HAS A WOMB! HE IS NOT A MAN! HE'S A WOMAN! Sorry, that story just really annoys me. It wasn't a miracle. It was disturbing.
- 29. Klaus pops into crappy pyjamas just as Regina gives one final push. Please be a boy. We don't have enough boys in the family.
- 30. Oh. It's a girl. Green eyed, blonde haired, skin tone one. Cute really. Aww. Her name is Felix, after the cat food. It's my Mogget's favourite, so I decided to name a kid after it. It's my game and I can do what I like!
- 31. Also, it's birthday time x3. Sorry for the crappy picture. I got distracted by a shiny penny.
- 32. Here's Emmett. 'Alice, do not use this picture, else I'll send the muscles to deal with you. I was not ready.' You don't scare me, and you're starting to show my lack of knowledge about mafia films.
- 33. This little cutie is Edward. 'Hi.' Quiet and unassuming as always.
- 34. And this is the gorgeous Emery. 'I'm pretty?' Yes you are hon. 'YAY!'
- 35. Okay, Emmett has her cute side too. 'Keep hugging me Edward. The deception is working.' 'I just want Mr Fuzzkins back.' Emmett! Give the boy back his bear and stop trying to be nice. I hate that.
- 36. 'Kids, in a few days I'm going to have a baby.' 'Dad, I though ladies were meant to have babies.' 'They are, but Maxis ignored that fact and I now have an alien foetus in my...manwomb.' 'Dad?' 'Yes Edward.' 'Don't ever let that happen to me.' Edward's just an old fashioned guy with the old fashioned idea that women should have babies.
- 37. With all her skills maxed, Donna takes over the garden. It was getting pretty bad since neither Klaus or Regina bothered anymore. By the time she left for college she has the silver badge. SCORE!
- 38. Aww. Toffee, for a mutt, you're pretty cute. 'Arf?' Whatever. Like I understand dog. I barely understand English.
- 39. Toffee is Klaus's pet. She just follows him around all day. In fact, it was so cute I didn't even kill her for jumping on his bed.
- 40. 'Alice! The baby kicked!' You're so chuffed about this. 'I'm a Knowledge/Family sim.' So's Regina, but you'd never get her being nice to her kids.
- 41. No words. Just too cute.
- 42. Okay, I lied about Genie. She's picked the one kid of hers to be nice to, and it's Felix. She actually plays with and rolls up wants for Felix, or Lix as I call her. The apocalypse is nigh!
- 43. CRAP! It really is nigh! 'Arf. *doggish whine*' Klaus?
- 44. Well...this is unfortunate. Who's chest will I stare at now?
- 45. 'Only joshing!* I'm fine!' Grr. Okay, that joke is so lame and old and overused, but whatever. I just love the animation so much. *Joshing : To joke. Also known as “giraffing”, as in “having a giraffe”.
- 46. 'A+!' Don't you dare do the dance. 'But-' Donna. 'Fine. I'll go and garden.' That's my girl.
- 47. Emery, you make me almost like nice sims. This was an autonomous, impromptu duet between her and her cross-dressing friend. Okay, that's a girl over there, but whatever. It was still cute.
- 48. 'Alice?' Yes Klaus? 'Who are the strange women eating the lobster I made for the headmaster?' In the front is Widget, writer of the Discworld and Timelord legacies, which are awesomeness, and in the back is the brain behind Flaming O'Leery (an OWBC over at boolprop) known as Fuzzyspork. 'Huh?' They're Sims elves, recently reintroduced to my game after months of absence. 'Oh...' Yeah. An as always we are still recruiting.
- 49. 'Okay, last time you were here, you tried to kiss me. But now I'm a huge pregnant man, so you won't try that this time...right?' 'Actually sir, the big belly makes you even more attractive.' 'ALICE!' Sorry Klaus. You wanted the kids in private school.
- 50. MOAR BUFFDAY!
- 51. 'Alice! She's bald!' To the batcave! 'What?' Mirror. I mean mirror.
- 52. And here the little tomboy is. Lix is rather cute, like the rest of her sibs. Though she did inherit Regina's slightly slanted eyes, and I'm bored of them now. 'Shh. My daughter is perfect.' *backs away* Genie, you're scaring me.
- 53. KLAUS! 'What? It's the bathing suit! I'm only a man!' If Genie weren't so mean, I'd be upset. As it is, go ahead.
- 54. Wanting to keep her happy, I let Genie teach Lix her toddler skills. 'Her name is Felix. Not Lix.' My game. My rules. My nicknames.
- 55. 'She was never this nice to the other kids.' I know Klaus. I think she's cracking. 'Oi!' Or not.
- 56. Oh, Edward. You look so spiffing in your new uniform. 'Thank you.' Nawww. Cuteness.
- 57. 'Hey Lix! You wanna play with Daddy?' 'YAY! Flying like a eeeeeeeeeeeeeeagle!' 'WHERE'S MY FELIX!' 'Damn, Mummy's coming. Gotta run Lix!'
- 58. 'OOoooooooooooooooooooooooowww! No wonder Genie hates me!' Same old joke, ressurected by Alice with love and care.
- 59. It's...not green? Apparently my game's a bitch and because I have a replacement pollination technician to negate the fugly maxis aliens, it flipped out. So, this is the Klaus clone, Gienah, named after a star.
- 60. Mechanical. People in the north-west partake in the most risky sexual behaviour, with 56% prepared to have unprotected sex with a stranger. However, it makes them happy, as 57% of the region’s women are happy with their sex lives. To be continued…(there is a lot about sex in this book)
- 61. Mechanical. 20% of people from London, the north-east and Yorkshire have filmed/taken pictures of themselves during sex, probably leading to the fact that the Yorkshire people are the most fulfilled, with 57% satisfied with their sex lives. The have more sex in Yorkshire than anywhere else in the country, and 40% have done it in their parent’s bedroom. To be continued…
- 62. Creativity. The ten most porn-addicted placed in the country are: 1) West Bromwich 2) Solihull 3) Milton Keynes 4) Birmingham 5) Portsmouth (woot! My hometown) 6) Thames Ditton 7) Reading 8) Ipswich 9) Sheffield 10) Basildon To be continued…
- 63. So cute.
- 64. Do I really need to come up with something here? You can all see what's happening. Can't you?
- 65. 'Wooo! Go Donna!' 'I'm Emery. Donna's over there.' 'Oh.' Do you need glasses, Eddie? 'No! That would spoil my cuteness.' Eh, it works for Bennie and Klaus.
- 66. Eek! the hair! 'To the batcave!' Right on Donna. I didn't right down what aspiration she rolled, but I'm pretty sure it was Pleasure.
- 67. And next up it's Gienah.
- 68. Who's birthday was cut short as the butler tried to assassinate the family. 'Yeah, college? I'll have to call you back after crisis has been averted here. Yes, I am a Havar. How did you know?'
- 69. Anyways, the party is picked back up by Donna, and we get going for Gienah grow up take two. 'Mum, Dad. Stop smooching and let me get your alien spawn to a cake.'
- 70. Isn't she cute? She definitely rivals Carrie.
- 71. And here is female Klaus in miniature. She is awesomely cute, though, just like her daddy. But she's not green and doesn't count as a challenge child, so forget her.
- 72. Hey there Lix. A brief moment of freedom from your crazy mum? 'She say summit bout room for more babies.' Ah, with Donna gone that is true.
- 73. Cleaning. The ‘English Vice’. (yeah, we have our own vice) According to the French, le vice anglais is flagellation, although it can refer to homosexuality. Whichever, we’re good at them both. To be continued…
- 74. 'Mum, Dad? What are you doing? I wanted to sleep in your bed.' 'You're old enough to hear this from me now Admes.' 'It's Edward, Mum.' 'Whatever Bennie. Daddy and Mummy are having some grown up time to placate the sadistic young adult out there who wants us to make lots of babies. Now, this is the only pleasant part of the entire cycle, so get lost!' Nice Regina. Way to parent there!
- 75. Edward... 'Bad Toffee. Mummy and Daddy told us all to go away.' Edward...maybe it's time for you to leave too. Poor kid will be ruined for life.
- 76. Emmett? Great, someone killed off my Godfather. Now I'll actually have to buy the films to find out what's meant to happen now. I hate mafia politics.
- 77. Okay, my mother distracted me with sweets during Lix's birthday, but here she is all grown up. Isn't she cute? 'Thanks Alice. But I gotta run to the group photo.' I'll join you.
- 78. From left to right, back to front, it's Gienah, Klaus, Regina, Emery, Emmett, Emery and Felix. The end of another week, and the points are: Good Birthday Memories : 23 (23 points) A+ Report Cards : 14 (7 points) Skills Maxed : 53 (159 points) Family Friends : 11 (5.5 points) LTW : 4 (12 points) Dream Dates : 9 (9 points) Total : 215.5